1. From Ireland To America
May 28 1999, as I walk out of Newark airport I catch my breath as this
hot, humid, muggy air is going to kill me. I’m dressed in jeans, t-shirt and light
jacket and trust me this clothing was not near warm enough leaving Ireland. There
are people everywhere, hustling to get to their next destination. Kieran and Anne
are there to greet us, they left Ireland two years prior and we will be staying with
them until we get on our feet.
I originally left Ireland for a summer with a few other friends. We were granted J1
visa’s, typically a government program, or in our case sponsored by a private
sector in Philadelphia to promote cultural exchange. The visas are temporary, with
a grace period after they expire. I grew up on a farm in North West Donegal, eight
sisters and two brothers, so it was not easy leaving my family, we were really
close and still are. But the adventures that lay ahead seemed much more
gratifying then staying home, stuck in the same old rut.
Color and race struck me at first; I could not believe that there were so many
whites, blacks, brown, Asians, all living together in one country. I know this seems
foolish, but I grew up in a small country and at that time it was predominantly
white, and catholic which leads me to my next astonishment. Four different
churches, four different religious denominations on one street, how was that
possible. We had two religions in the whole country, Catholics and Protestants
and they couldn’t get along, let alone worship in the same town. It’s sad I know.
This is why today I choose to raise my children in a country that accepts and has a
tolerance for diversity, especially in race, religion and ethnicity. This is a country
that has ample opportunities for those who seek it. As much as I miss my family in
Ireland, I could not live back there; I could not subject my children to the narrow
mindedness that comes with growing up in a country that has no tolerance for
those who are different.

2. Who am I
A wife,
A daughter,
A sister,
A friend,
A neighbor,
But my biggest accomplishment
in this life is that,
I am a mother.

3. "In family life, love is the oil that eases
friction,
the cement that binds closer together,
and the music that brings harmony."
Eva Burrows

4. “Before you were conceived i
wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I
would die for you
This is the miracle of Mother's

5. Pregnancy complications!!
Been there, done that, just another blood test. I was four months pregnant and
opted to have the screening test done that test for chromosomal
abnormalities. I had it done when I was pregnant with Michael, so no big
deal, it will all be fine. There’s no family history of down’s syndrome, or any
other syndrome. My brother was born profoundly deaf but the doctor said
that might be related to my Mom’s pregnancy more than a genetic issue. I
was not that concerned.
I will never forget that Wednesday as long as I live. Michael was 10 months old
and taking a nap. My doctor called and asked if I wanted her to give me the
results over the phone, and of course I did. She proceeded to tell me that my
blood tests came back and that they there was a 75% chance that the baby had
trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome). She basically explained that if the baby
made it through birth that the chances of living a year was slim, and only 8%
of the world’s population lives past a year old, and 1% have made it to ten. I
felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and I couldn’t breathe. As
if I wasn’t already an emotional wreck, this just added fuel to the fire. My
husband was my rock, but I caught him crying one late night in his office.
Thank god for Michael our ten month old, he made everyday worth getting
up.

6. The next step was to see a maternity specialist, have
extensive ultra sounds done, and see where to go from
there. That was a nightmare, I know these doctors see
this kind of stuff everyday but I felt like I was just
another statistic, especially when she suggested that
we abort to allow science to do their testing. She also
said that they might not do a cesarean section if there
was a complication with the baby but it was
fine, because the baby might not survive anyway. I’m
not a violent person but I had an outer body experience
where I was standing there beside her and her head
exploded. The ultra sound didn’t show any real serious
problems, the left side of the heart was slightly smaller
than the right, she said that might be a concern but see
how it progressed throughout the pregnancy, all other
organs seemed fine. The baby had small feet, and that
is sometimes an indication of chromosomal
abnormalities. She then suggested that I have an
amniocentesis, but I’d read the statistics and there was
a risk of miscarriage. This was 2003 and I believe that
the risks are far less today, so I don’t know if I would
have done it today. It would have made the next five
months of my pregnancy much easier knowing for sure.

7. I basically spent the next five months of my pregnancy in
and out of the hospital. I had to go and spend a couple
of hours getting stress test done every Friday, and
every Tuesday was check fluid and an ultrasound.
Because of the negative blood test result, even though
everything else looked fine, doctors would never say
that everything was fine, that the baby was healthy and
did not have trisomy 18. I understand that they were
protecting themselves, but they were putting us through
misery. There was no human compassion, just the fear
of lawsuit, I guess.
That was the longest five months of my life. We were
faced with decisions that would have ended the
pregnancy when everything was fine. I learned after the
fact that the rate of false positive blood test is fairly
common. My issue is with the ultra sound techs that
clearly saw that everything was fine. We had prepared
ourselves the best we could by reading literature about
Edwards’s syndrome, but I don’t think that there is a
way to prepare; I believe that it would be a learning
experience.

8. Here we are today Ryan, you turned
nine years on October 4th. You were
born a strong healthy 7lb 12 oz, ten
toes, ten fingers. No trisomies, or any
other health problems. Yes your feet
are small, we can laugh about that
now.

9. Trisomy 18 Edwards Disease
http://www.trisomy18.org/site/PageServer?pagename=whatisT18_whatis
1 out of every 2500 pregnancies in the
United States,
 Associated with medical complications
 Potentially life-threatening
 50% of babies who are carried to term
will be stillborn, with baby boys having
higher stillbirth rate than baby girls.
 less than 10 percent survive to their
first birthdays

10. Testing for Trisomy 18
There are two types of testing: screening and diagnostic.
Screening tests indicate a risk, or likelihood that
Trisomy 18 is present. A triple test called AFP is done
around about the 16th-18th week of pregnancy. It’s a
maternal blood screening test that looks for three
specific substances, AFP, HCG, AND Estriol. It’s is
typically recommended for pregnant women over
35, but it is a very important test that all pregnant
women should have.
Diagnostic tests check actual cells and can determine if
Trisomy 18 is actually present. I had the screening test
done, diagnostic testing includes an ammnio and so I
decided against that.
If the test comes back positive an ultrasound is scheduled
and a specialist looks for markers of trisomy 18.

11. A mother’s love
Ten little fingers, ten little toes,
Pouty little lips beneath a pudgy little nose,
You’re a perfect little bundle, full of joy,
Yes that’s right, your Mommy’s little boy.
Ten little fingers, ten little toes,
Many sleepless nights, only Mommy
knows,
You’re growing up so fast, my little bundle
of joy,
But you’ll still always be Mommy’s little
boy.
Ten little fingers, ten little toes,

12. Me, the author!
My name is Elaine O’Connor. I am a
senior at University of North Carolina
at Charlotte, and soon to be an
Elementary school teacher. I have
been married for almost 12 years, and
have a 10 year old son, Michael, 9
year old son Ryan, and my daughter
Ciara is 7. They are my life, my life
literally revolves around them, and I
wouldn’t change it for the world. I
would give my life for my children. 