This document provides guidance on managing difficult conversations in the workplace. It discusses how personality traits, communication styles, work styles, life experiences, and core values can differ between people and affect relationships. It also presents questions to consider about whether a problem needs to be addressed and provides tips for overcoming reasons to avoid hard conversations, such as acknowledging conflict is normal and focusing on improving interactions rather than changing people. The document advises preparing for respectful conversations and assessing if the benefits of an improved situation outweigh the risks of inaction, as most workplace problems will not simply resolve themselves if left unaddressed.

1. Managing Difficult Conversations

2. Trait
•Personality type
•Communication style
•Work style Life experience Core values
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3. You
• You’re an introvert. You keep to yourself and prefer to work
independently.
• You’re uncomfortable expressing your feelings. You prefer
e-mail to face-to-face communication.
• You’re methodical. Details count.
• You have years of experience—and battle scars.
• You care most about quality and integrity.
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4. Your Colleague
• He’s an extrovert. He likes working in teams and discussing
things in detail.
• He shares a lot and asks a lot of questions. He prefers
informal meetings.
• He tends to think “big picture” and move quickly.
• He hasn’t been on the job long, so he’s trying to make a
mark.
• He cares most about innovation and action.
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5. Questions
• Does my short and long-term success rely on addressing this problem?
• Does the situation I’m facing concern a direct report or my boss?
• Is the relationship with this person short term (is it a one-time interaction or
discrete project) or ongoing (for example, am I working with my boss’s boss or a
coworker I rely on to get my job done)?
• How important is it, to me and to the organization, to improve the relationship
or the situation?
• Is the issue affecting my ability to concentrate or how I feel about going to work
every day?
• Does the situation I’m grappling with involve other colleagues or customers?
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6. Bad reasons for avoiding a hard conversation—and some
solutions
•You fear conflict.
•You deny there’s a problem.
•You’re sure the other person won’t change.
•You think you can work around it.
•You think the problem will solve itself.
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7. Action
• Acknowledge that even though conflict can be uncomfortable, it’s inevitable and a
normal part of work life. Looking at what’s going on beneath the surface can help
you focus on the root cause and reduce your discomfort.
• Think about your workplace relationships. Notice which ones seem tense,
frustrating, or unproductive. Consider how those negative factors are holding you
back from doing your best work and collaborating effectively.
• Your goal isn’t to change anyone or to assign blame. You want to improve your
interactions. You can do that by adjusting your mind-set and modifying your
behaviour.
• Assess whether the benefits of an improved situation outweigh the risks of
addressing the problem. If they do, prepare for a conversation. If they don’t, keep
tabs on how the relationship evolves; you may need to revisit your approach.
• Most problems don’t just go away. If ignored, they can get worse. Engaging in a
skilful conversation can move you closer to a positive solution.
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