Man and ball_issue_three[1]

MAN AND BALL
SPHERE OF INFLUENCE

ISSUE THREE -- SEPTEMBER 2011
COVER -- GRAEME BANDEIRA >

OPEN

DANNY CHADBURN >

When I stand and speak the world takes notice,
My Babelfish language bellows, projecting globally,
I’m an inspiration to those who need it most,
Giving opportunity and vocality to the ostracised.
I’m a photosynthetic catalyst, helping acorns become oaks,
Encouraging investment over ignorance and isolation.
Allowing nations to play a part on the world stage,
I take my seat at the highest political table.
Tackling corruption, creating infrastructure,
Rebuilding communities, providing a future.
Twelve regular pentagons and twenty regular hexagons,
Compose my leather-clad sphere of influence

>
< CONTENTS

DOWNLOAD LATEST ISSUE >

< OPEN
Find Your Way Back >

1
8

< Concrete Roots
Jude Ellery reports on the Homeless World Cup

31 < The Chairman Diaries -- Episode Three
Has David Hartrick’s hero finally turned a corner?
37 < Sudan Before The Split
Gary Al-Smith returns with another tale from Africa
Smugglers’ Blues > 43
49 < How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Nordic Football
Dr Strangelove, AKA Charlie Anderson, on History, Geography and GCSEs
Domestic Bliss > 54
58 < The Special Relationship
What links U2 with football in America? Niall Farrell reveals all.
67 < Let’s Have Those Wankers!
Michal Zacodny tells the story of Poland’s nearly men
Never Say Never > 78
85 < Heroes In Abstraction
Chris Mann eulogises eleven legends
CLOSE >

FIND YOUR WAY BACK

ThebackstreetsofLondononarainy
Sundaymorning,justbeforedawn,
areanidealplacetobealonewith
yourthoughts.Nigelhadbeenwanderingforhours,tryingtopullhis
outofthetangleofemotionswhich
recent developments had wrought.
Lostinhistroubles,hehadlittlecare
foranythingelse,atthemoment.
Whenthefirstdropshadbegunhe
hadn’tevennoticed.Theyhadincreasedintoasteadydrizzlewhich
the troubled god had ignored until
theweatherinsisted,nearlysoaking
himthrough.Angeredattheintrusionintohismisery,hehadfinally,
grudgingly,sparedathoughttocraft
amactowardoffthedownpour.
Furtherprotection,intheformofa
hatorumbrella,hedeniedhimself.

CONTENTS

1

DOWNLOAD LATEST ISSUE

FIND YOUR WAY BACK

The oppressive weather suited his
moodtoatee.Heletthedirtywater,
filledwiththesootandmireofthe
city,plasterhishairtohisforehead,
rivuletsfirstdripping,thenrunning
downhisbrow,hisnoseandfromhis
beard.Hewasnotthetypetopermit
tearstoflowfreely;thushemelded
himselfwiththedelugeandallowed
ittoexpresshissorrow.
Thegirlwasatthecenterofit.He
hadopenedhimselfuptoher,only
tofindthatshe--andherbrother-had been playing him for a fool.
Hadn’t he learnt that lesson ages
ago?
Apparentlynot.
Before he knew Liv for what she
trulywas,hehadmarveledatthe

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vibrance of her spirit, so rare in a
mortal.Hehadstruggledtoreveal
himself to her; wondered how he
couldfashionalifewithher,brief
thoughitmaybe.Hehadseenhow
wellandhappilytheAmericancouplehadtakentotheirpartnershipand
enviedthem.
Nigelhadworkedaloneforaneternity.Hehadenjoyedbriefdalliances
but,untilnow,hadneverconsidered
anywomanhisequal.Maybeitwas
timehedid.Caughtinthisblinding
infatuation,hehadevenconsidered
petitioningtheLadytoraisethegirl
up,sothatshetrulycouldbecome
hisequal,onlytodiscoverthatithad
alreadybeendoneandLivwashere
tosupplanthim.
Thethoughtfilledhimwithrageand

2

bitterness,butitwasnotforLivor
fortheLady.Instead,itwasdirected
inward. Nigel knew that he had
broughtthisonhimself.Evenbefore
managingtoputhimselfoutofcommissionfornighonacentury,all
becausehewasinthemoodforabit
of fun, he had been asking for it.
Whenevermatterscametoahead,
he allowed his emotions to rule,
ratherthanhiswit.
Thathadlongservedhimwell,ifnot
efficiently.Followinginhisheadstrong ways, Britain had forged a
globalempire.Theyhadsteppedon
manyfeetalongtheway,itwastrue,
meddlingintheaffairsofIndiaand
Cathay,contributingtheoppression
oreradicationofnativeculturesin
SouthAfrica,AustraliaandAmerica,
andfailingtoanswertheIrishQuestion,


FIND YOUR WAY BACK

closertohome.
Whilehehadslept,thebutcher’sbill
had come due. Truth be told, he
wasn’tsurethathecouldhavepreventedthedeclineoftheEmpirehad
hebeenawake,butitmatterednot.
Hecouldnotchangewhatwas.And
now,whatisandwhatwillbehad
beenpassedontothechargeofanother.
Hewantedtofighttotakebackwhat
washis--whathadbeenhis.Nigel
knewbetter,though.TheLordand
Ladywereall.Whattheyhadgiven,
theycouldreclaim.Hehadn’tthe
powertostandagainstthem,and,if
hedid,thenallthatwasgoodinlife
would stand against him. Yet, he
wasstrong,inbody,mindandspirit.
Helongedtohavepurpose,toknow
themindoftheLady.

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Thethoughtclungtohim,andasit
did,therainintensified,commensuratewithhisgrowingself-pity.He
steppedoutfromanarrowsidestreet
intoawiderthoroughfare.Across
the road was a small common, replete with the typical benches and
commemorative statue. The open
spaceaffordedaviewofthehorizon.
Asoftgreylightwaspushingupat
the black night and the thick grey
cloudsofthestormwerebecoming
visible.Morningwasapproaching
butNigelwasn’treadytoacceptthe
hopeitoffered.

thebeltandraisedthecollarofhis
coat.Then,duckinghisheadagainst
thegale,hecrossedtheroad,making
forthepark.

In the open, the wind whipped
aroundhim,tryingtoliftthetailsof
hismacandexposehimtothestorm;
shortgustshittinghisfacelikeangry
slaps,intendedtobringhimtohis
senses.Undeterred,Nigeltightened

Eyeswidening,hestoppedshort.It
wasawomaninanelegantdressthat
shimmeredsoftlydespitethelackof
lightinthepre-dawn.Herskinwas
paleandshehadstrongbutfairfeatures.Herlongtressesflowedfreely

3

Cutting through it, he stuck to the
curvedwalkway,whichbroughthim
aroundtothestatue,amilitaryfigure
inregalposestaringoffintothe
distance. Some contemporary of
Wellington’s,judgingfromtheuniform,butNigelhadlittleinterest.As
hepassedthemonument,henoticed
anotherfiguremovingtowardshim
throughtherain.


FIND YOUR WAY BACK

inthewindbutwereuntouchedby
therain.Evenfromthisdistancehe
couldseethedeepwellsofhereyes.
ItwastheLady.
Instinct,morethanfear,madehim
lookpasther.Intheshadows,atthe
fargatetotheparkstoodatalldark
figure,wearingahelmanddarkarmour.Hishandrestedonthehaftofa
sword.Throughthevisor,Nigelcould
feelhisgaze,aswell.TheLord.

“Mother,”hemurmured.
Forthatwaswhatshewas;Mother
ofeverything.
“Rise, child,” she said. “You are
troubled by what I have done.
Come, talk with me. I will grant
yourwishes--bothofthem.”

“Wishes,M’Lady?”
“Yes,Nigel.Didyounotdesireto
know my mind and to have purpose?”
Ittookamomentforunderstanding
to dawn on the stunned god, but
when it did, a bright smile broke
throughthestormofhismind.He
noddedgratefullyatthewomanbeforehim.

“Child,”asoft,melodiusvoiceintoned.
Nigelshiftedhisgazefromthedistant
figureoftheLord.TheLadystood
beforehimnow,hereyessearching
deep into his own. Blushing, he
bowedhisheadandwenttooneknee.

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As Nigel rose back to his feet, he
lookedather,confused.

“ThatIdid,M’Lady.”
Shesmiledbackathim,withahint
ofmatronlypride,andextendedan
arm. “Come, walk with me and I
shallexplainwhatitisIrequireof

4


FIND YOUR WAY BACK

youandwhy.”
Beaming,Nigelheldouthisarmfor
hertoholdandfellintostep.Together, they backtracked along the
meandering path which Nigel had
takenthroughthenight,puttingthe
dawn and, with its coming, the
slowly dissipating storm, both at
theirbacks.Astheyleftthecommon,theLordwatchedafterthema
moment more, before relaxing his
griponhisweaponandslowlyfadingfromview.
“Thishugeramblingcityisquitea
changefromthetinyvillagewhich
satonthesebankswhentheRomans
arrived,isn’tit,mychild?”
“Ithasgrownmuch,M’Lady.”

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“Indeed,verymuch.”Shesmiled.
“There are so many humans now,
andtheyhavelearnedquickly.They
cantraveltothefarreachesofthe
planetinlessthanadayorspeakto
eachotherinstantlyacrossanydistance, they can kill with impunity
butwillstruggletopreserveevery
lastdropoflife,andtheyseektounlockthesecretsoftheuniverseeven
though they do not comprehend
themselves.”
Therewasaconcernedlookonher
facenow.
“Thisisthemostdifficulttimefora
mother,Nigel.Manhasreachedhis
adolescence.Hebelievesthathecan
fendforhimselfnow,andhasnoneed
forgodsorguidance.Thestrongest
do many things in the name of

5

progress,believingthattheyareshapingabetterworld.Yet,howcanyou
shapewhatyoudonotcomprehend?
AndhowdoIteachthemwhenthey
willnolongerlisten,Nigel?”
The god shook his head. He, too,
had wondered the same thing. It
troubled him that those who knew
besthadnoanswer.TheLadywent
on.
“SoManseekstoordereverything
tohiswill,tomakethisasafeplace.
Yet,hemustfacedangerandchallengetocontinuetogrow.Hestrugglestofindthebalanceandmisses
themarkfallingbothshortandlong
andtotheleftandrightinhisefforts.
“And as he struggles, many reject
thewayofthestrong-willedandfall


FIND YOUR WAY BACK

bythewayside.”
Shenoddedtowardsapileofrubbish
piled against a wall. Nigel saw a
cardboardbox,withragsandnewspapersstickingouttheends.Even
throughthelightrainwhichstillfell,
hecouldsmellatraceofsweatand
urine. Then he focused on dirty
grimyfingerspokingoutfromone
of the rags. A man was sleeping
thereinthegutter.Anemptyfifthof
vodka lay just out of reach of the
gnarledhand.
Hehadseenmanylikethissincehe
had awoken from his slumber; far
morethanthefewmiscreantswho
had existed in the harsher world
which had existed prior to his absence.Witheverythingavailableto
theminthisnewworld,hedidnot

CONTENTS

understand why they took to the
streetsinsuchnumbers.

“Youwouldhavemeshepherdthem,
M’Lady?”

“TheSocietyofManisnottheonly
way of life, Nigel” the Lady said,
“Evenifthoseinpowercanseeno
other.”

Shesmiledagain.“NoNigel.They
mustmaketheirownwayandtheir
own choices, the same as the rest.
Soon, there may be one suited to
guidingthem.Iwouldonlyaskthat
youkeeptheminyourthoughtsas
yougoaboutyourduties.”

Nigelturnedtoher,seekingexplanation.
“And the powerful have made the
worldsuchatinyplace,thatthereare
toofewplacesforthosewhoseeka
different path. Unable to escape,
theyhideinplainsight,onlynoticeablewhentheyintrudeongrander
plans.
“Yet, they are my children, too,
Nigel.Theyneedmycareandprotectionasdearlyasany.”

6

“Andwhataremyduties,M’Lady?”
Shelaughed,brightly,asifhehad
madeajest.
“Godsarenotmuchdifferentthan
Man,itwouldseem,andonlyalittle
wiserinaffairsoftheheart.”
Shestoppedandturnedtohim.He
faced her and she reached up to


FIND YOUR WAY BACK

lightlytouchhischeek,grinningat
thebemusedlookuponhisface.

“Andwhatofherbrother?ShouldI
givehimmytrust,aswell?”

“Yourdutiesarewhattheyhavealways been, Nigel. Look after the
peopleofthisplace.”

A look of pain crossed the Lady’s
face.

“ButIthoughtthatyouwishedfor--”
Herfingerstouchedhislips,silencinghim.
“Livismeanttohelpyou;toground
you. You have missed much in
choosingthetimeyoudidtotakea
rest.”
Hestartedtoprotestbeforerealising
shewasnowjestingwithhim.
“Followwhatisinyourheart,Nigel.
Thegirlwillbeaboontoyou.”

CONTENTS

“Amothermustsometimesbehard
withherchildren,Nigel.Aneagle
dropsitschicksfromthesideofa
mountain,onlyswoopinginatthe
last moment, if they fail to take
wing.Then,shecarriesthemupand
dropsthemagain.Suchtreatment
doesn’talwaysengendertrust.
“I’m afraid that Mal will have to
travelahardroadtoprepareforwhat
Ihaveinmindforhim.Shelooked
backatthecardboardsheltersadly
andbegantomoveon.Nigeltook
upherarmoncemoreandwalked
alonginquietthought.

7

Suddenly,theysteppedoutintothe
BelvedereRoad,nearhisflat.The
Ladylookedupathim.
“Iwilltakeyourleavenow,butfirst
Iwishtothankyouforhelpingthose
ofmychildrenlikethatmanwejust
left.”
“M’Lady?”Nigelstuttered.“Tobe
honest,Ihaveneverreallytakennoticeofthembefore.”
“Iknow,”shesmiled,“butyouhave
aidedthemnonetheless.Nowgoto
her.Sheiswaiting.”■


DANNY CHADBURN

One hundred million homeless; where is the love?
A ball can change the world, or give it a shove.
“You got a spare set of shinpads, guv?”

CONTENTS

8


CONCRETE ROOTS

JUDE ELLERY

“A ball can teach you teamwork. A
ball can teach you discipline. We are
trying to make our lives better, and
every person here has the chance to
make their life better because of a
ball.”
Colin Farrell, Kicking It.

Whether we lost that game five or
fifteen-nil I can’t recall, but that’s an
irrelevant detail, as was the chronic
knee injury which saw me wield the
sellotaped-up flag that Sunday
morning, turning away in despair as
ball after ball poured into our goal.

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9


CONCRETE ROOTS

But this article’s not about me, or
the sorry state of my team. Nor is it
about anything that happens between the lines on bumpy, grass-shy
pub league pitches the length and
breadth of the country. No, the
football was as forgettable as ever;
it was events off the pitch that warrant
this tale.
As I turned my back on the action
both physically and metaphorically,
I noticed that a spectator had arrived. A patron, beyond my dad’s
occasional visit, or, more rarely, a
player’s reluctant girlfriend (wit woo!),
was almost as noteworthy as our
team scoring a goal.
This fellow was quite clearly none of
the above. I recognised him as ‘Big
Issue Guy’, who -- you’ve guessed it --

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JUDE ELLERY

is the guy who stands in the town
centre selling copies of The Big
Issue. He’s in the same place every
day, spouting a tune only he knows
that boasts carefully crafted lines
like “Big Issue! Big Issue!” and “Get
your Big Issue!” He’s quite the character.
Big Issue Guy struck up a conversation with our manager about something or other. I think it began with
an enquiry regarding the score,
which nobody actually knew by that
point. Probably because we’d given
him the time of day -- I imagine he
gets blanked quite frequently -- and
probably because of his position in
society, he sided with the underdogs, and for the last quarter of the
game became our team’s unofficial
mascot, shouting his support enthu-

10

siastically from the touchline, much
to the bemusement and amusement of our players.
All very harmless, I’m sure you’ll
agree. I couldn’t tell you whether
our team were laughing with him or
at him, but he didn’t seem to mind,
or realise, either way. I’m not going
to pretend this guy’s all there up
top. But who cares? He was enjoying himself, and our players were
momentarily lifted from their
gloom, even as the umpteenth goal
entangled itself in the twine behind
our unfortunate keeper.
What followed though was disappointing. Perhaps noticing that our
team was utter cack, Big Issue Guy
proceeded to show off his ball skills
in an impromptu audition for a place


CONCRETE ROOTS

in the team. He was actually quite
good. When he begged to come
along to training next week our
manager told him in great detail
where we trained and what time to
get there -- then deliberately told
him the wrong day.
I pleaded with our manager to do
right by Big Issue Guy and get him
along. Hey, even if he’s useless it’ll
be a laugh, boss! But no, he was
having none of it.
It’s this kind of discrimination that
holds homeless people back from
rejoining society. I’m not for one
minute suggesting that our lowly
pub side could launch this hapless
chap’s football career, or even that
it was our duty to give out charity.
Give us a ball and eleven strangers

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JUDE ELLERY

to play against and we’re a charity
case ourselves. Nevertheless, just
allowing him along to training
would’ve made him feel valued, instead of marginalised, for once.
Hell, it would’ve at least meant we’d
have enough for a game of four on
four at the end of our dismally attended training sessions.

pay taxes, elect politicians and keep
the constabulary in business, not
bloody likely. In most places, the solution to homelessness tends to be
herding them out of sight of the
well-to-do, and, if resistance is
offered, jail.

Unfortunately this behaviour towards down-and-outs is not uncommon, nor is it solely a British
problem. Instances range from the
sort of petty schoolyard exclusion
described above, to ‘Bum Wars’ in
the States and even the occasional
Clockwork Orange style beating.
The homeless simply aren’t seen as
human beings any more. And do
the authorities give a crap? Given
that it’s the people with money, who

A world away from pub league football, millions of pounds were being
transferred from one Swiss bank
account to another this summer, as
English Premier League clubs hurried to strengthen their playing
squads before Michel Platini’s Financial Fair Play rules come into play.
Most of the red top column inches
revolved around London and Manchester, with Arsenal and United
both spending over £50m on new

11


CONCRETE ROOTS

JUDE ELLERY

talent, and Manchester City dwarfpower. Thanks to their own bottoming both clubs with an outgoings colless pit -- Qatar Investment Authority -umn totalling £81m, of which almost
PSG’s outlay of around £75m was six
half was spent on Argentine striker
times that of Ligue 1 champions
Sergio
Aguero.
Lille, and, as if to
Somehow, Chelsea PSG spent just under prove they should
went mostly unnoimmediately be spo£40m on their own
ticed as they tried to
ken of in the same
match this, in the Argentine starlet
breath as Manchesend parting with
ter City, spent just
£75m. Well over £500m was lavunder £40m on their own Argentine
ished on talent in England, with five
starlet, 22-year-old Javier Pastore.
clubs, Liverpool being the other,
Leonardo’s team has also been linked
parting with over £50m.
with global icon David Beckham,
whose contract with LA Galaxy runs
On the other side of the English
out at the end of this MLS season.
Channel, Paris Saint Germain went
on a spending spree of their own,
Les Parisiens’ home is the 48,000
with an eye towards winning their
capacity Parc des Princes, located in
first domestic title since 1994, and,
the Arrondissement de Passy, the
eventually, joining the aforemenequivalent to New York's Upper East
tioned English clubs as a global superSide or London's Chelsea and Kens-

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12

ington. Just across the Seine is the
even richer Seventh Arrondissement, comprising the famous Eiffel
Tower, Napoleon’s resting place
l’Hôtel des Invalides, and several
world famous museums, including
the Musée d'Orsay and the Musée
du quai Branly.
These two districts, along with the
Sixth and Eighth Arrondissements
and the suburb Neilly, form Paris
Ouest, an aristocratic district that
has been the home to the French
upper class since the 17th century.
The stadium’s name is derived from
a forest, used for hunting by royalty
in the 18th century, that formerly
surrounded the area.
PSG’s record purchase Pastore arrived in these affluent environs in


CONCRETE ROOTS

August, after his transfer from Italian side Palermo. He will earn a
salary of around £4m; fast forward
two months and five goals and two
assists in seven starts for the tabletoppers have proven it a wise investment.
But back to August. As further expensive imports flew into the capital, another story was unfolding in
stark contrast to the glitz and glamour of professional football and oil
tycoons. As such, it went virtually
unreported. Still, news of the ongoing
events reached Pastore, who, less
than a month into his stay in a
strange new country, took some
time out of his busy schedule to
stroll down to the Champ de Mars,
a huge green area between the Eiffel
Tower and the École Militaire. This

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JUDE ELLERY

was the picturesque setting for the
ninth annual Homeless World Cup.
This bourgeois backdrop couldn’t be
much further from the day-to-day
lives of the more than 500 players
comprising the 64 teams who competed in this year’s tournament (48
in the men’s competition and 16 in
the women’s). These players represent not only their counties, but 100
million homeless people worldwide
(of which 25,000 can be found in the
French capital).
None of these players is likely to
ever earn as much as Pastore, but
fair play to PSG’s new superstar for
greeting his fellow Argentines prior
to kick-off on 21 August and lending
his support. In a short interview
with the Homeless World Cup’s

13

team, Pastore supported the tournament’s official motto, ‘A ball can
change the world’: “The event is
fantastic… Football can take you
away from many problems and help
you meet new people.”
The young playmaker’s decisionmaking in his short career has
proved exemplary both on and off
the field, and his attendance, as well
as endorsements by World Cup ’98
winners Emmanuel Petit and Lilian
Thuram, were all welcomed by head
of the French homeless team,
Benoit Danneau: “Pastore gave up
some of his time and showed he really cared about the event. We are
delighted to have been able to interest
such people from the footballing
world in the Homeless World Cup.
They have got behind the tournament


CONCRETE ROOTS

because of their belief in social integration in sport.”
Alongside the first four days of football, Danneau’s team ran an international symposium on the theme of
the street: drawn into it, living in it,
escaping it, and not falling back.
Players, social workers and spectators could exchange ideas for solving
the global problem of le sansabrisme.
Other global ambassadors for the
project include Didier Drogba, Rio
Ferdinand and Eric Cantona, the latter providing the voiceover in the
promotional video for Paris 2011.
The tournament is backed by UEFA
and the United Nations and has a
host of high profile commercial
sponsors, including Nike, Eurosport,

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JUDE ELLERY

Specsavers and adult education
service A4E. Manchester United,
Real Madrid and Tottenham Hotspur
are all signed up as official partners.
United’s surprise 2010 signing, Tiago
Manuel Dias Correira -- or Bébé to
you and me -- did not actually play
in the 2009 tournament as widely
reported, but the Portuguese did
feature in the European Street Football Festival in Bosnia in the same
year, which is where the confusion
lies. Although a slow start to his
United career, a subsequent loan to
Besiktas and then a cruciate ligament injury have somewhat dampened the excitement surrounding
the youngster’s catapult into the
limelight, he is still a shining beacon
for others around the world who, for
whatever reason, have found them-

14

selves in precarious circumstances.

The Stade de France, in Saint-Denis,
holds a special place in the heart of
Emmanuel Petit. With France leading 2-0 in the final of the 1998 World
Cup, an optimistic run into Brazilian
territory saw the pitch open up before the midfielder. Finding himself
with only Cláudio Taffarel to beat,
his left foot unerringly slotted home
the Fédération Française de Football’s 1,000th goal, and the last
World Cup goal of the 20th century,
to wrap up the biggest trophy in
football. Camera flashes joined incandescent floodlights to light up
France’s finest footballing hour, rebounding into the night sky from
still-sparkling steel nuts and bolts


CONCRETE ROOTS

JUDE ELLERY

that bound together the ovalshaped arena.

And who better to pick the teams
from the hat?

The fifth-largest stadium in Europe - and largest modular stadium in the
world -- it replaced the Parc des
Princes as France’s national stadium
upon its completion only six months
prior to that memorable night, custom built for the World Cup. As well
as leaving a sporting legacy, the
tournament provided an enormous
boost to the Parisian infrastructure,
especially in the extension of the
metro and the development of the
crime-riddled communes of SaintDenis, Aubervilliers and Saint-Ouen.
What better location to pick for the
draw for this year’s Homeless World
Cup, which can provide a comparable boost for France’s -- and the
world’s -- homeless population?

With the sun providing the illumination this time around, the stage was
set for Petit to decide the fates of
each participating nation, who were
eagerly gathered in the historic location. The quality of the teams varies
year upon year, but like mainstream
international football there are always favourites. This year, the
men’s draw included last year’s winners Brazil, number one-ranked Portugal, and Poland.

CONTENTS

With the groups decided, a parade
through the capital ensued on the
following day; the route running
from the historic Trocadero Square,
via the Eiffel Tower, and concluding
at the Champ de Mars, where ‘Liberté’,

15

‘Egalité’ and ‘Fraternité’ awaited the
wide-eyed visitors. These were the
names given to the three specially
made mini pitches, each one measuring 22 by 16 metres. On them, a
21st-century revolution would continue to unfold over the following
week; 392 four-on-four matches
yielded 3,984 goals and two thrilling
finals, both decided by the odd goal
in seven.
For those wondering about discipline in a tournament contested by
drug addicts and former criminals,
here are some surprising statistics:
less than one in ten matches saw a
blue card issued (a sin bin punishment), and not one player was dismissed in either the men’s or
women’s competition. A team of
eight referees officiated the tourna-


CONCRETE ROOTS

ment, including Kim Milton Neilsen,
whose professional career comprised 154 internationals, and famously, the dismissal of David
Beckham in Saint-Étienne at France
’98. Australia’s ‘Street Socceroos’
won the fair play award, which they
had also claimed two years previously in Milan.
More deserving of notice than the
play, however, were the tears of joy,
the hugs, the friendships and the
everlasting memories created in
only one week of football. It is estimated that 30,000 homeless people
benefited from pre-tournament
training and trials for Paris 2011.
The wider impact is truly immeasurable.
The first Homeless World Cup was

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JUDE ELLERY

played in Graz, Austria, in 2003, but
The magazine instantly became a
the wheels were actually set in mobadge of protest, indicative of the
tion a decade earlier. In the ‘90s,
public’s distaste for the prevailing
Britain’s Conservative
political atmosphere.
government offered Street papers are
In an interview with
little hope for a social now read by over
the Guardian’s David
entrepreneur looking 30 million people
Conn in 2006, Young
to improve the lives of
said, “We Scots never
every year
the poor. Desperate
bought into Margaret
for a way to help the underclass help
Thatcher's 'there's no such thing as
themselves, Edinburgh’s Mel Young
society'. People were totally opnoticed the positive effect The Big
posed to that whole Conservative
Issue, then on sale only in England,
philosophy… We were just in the
could have on its vendors. It alright place at the right time.”
lowed them to address key problems brought on by homelessness:
Street papers are now read by over
low self-esteem, lack of confidence
30 million people worldwide every
year, helping 100,000 homeless or
and the difficulty of reintegration.
long-term unemployed people.
So, in 1993 The Big Issue In Scotland
The idea for an international football
was launched. The first edition sold
tournament for the world’s underclass
out its printing of 25,000 copies.

16


CONCRETE ROOTS

may not seem like the logical progression, but it turned out to be a
stroke of genius. Sitting in a bar in
Cape Town, in 2001, were Young,
Harald Schmied, a representative of
the
Austrian
street
paper
Megaphon, and Peter ten Caat, from
Utrecht’s street paper Straat. They
were relaxing after the sixth annual
International Network of Street Papers conference -- another organisation co-founded by Young. Over a
pint, the trio discussed the need for
an international language for homeless people to communicate with
each other around the world; to
help them help themselves; to hand
power back to them and make them
the centre of the solution. The
‘three wise men’ came to realise
that such a language already existed: football.

CONTENTS

JUDE ELLERY

The rest, as they say, is history -- or
history in the making, to be accurate. The latest chapter was written
in Paris, but this was only a short
stop along the long road to eradicating homelessness. Next year the
tournament is hosted by Mexico,
and 2012 sees the roadshow move
to Poland. Each tournament attempts to resolve a minuscule selection of the endless stories from
around the world, revealing the
wide-reaching impact of Young’s vision and the almost incomprehensible pervasiveness of the human
condition it addresses.

Viewers of Danny Boyle’s Slumdog
Millionaire may be able to begin to
imagine what it’s like to be homeless

17

in a developing nation. Despite -- or
because of -- these horriﬁc conditions, India is the home of Slum Soccer: street leagues where 10,000
players regularly get together to play
football. It’s incredible to imagine
this goes on in areas where people
die every day through lack of clean
water.
Ireland’s situation is not nearly as
bad as India’s, but it’s still impressive
to discover that more than 500 players
compete in the Irish Street League
every week. From this pool a squad
of eight was selected to compete at
the Homeless World Cup. Previously there was a strong Dublin bias,
but now the leagues have grown
stronger across the country and this
year there was a player from Belfast
and three from Longford.


CONCRETE ROOTS

Sean Kavanagh, who runs the Irish
Big Issue and has managed their
homeless team since the World
Cup’s inception in 2003, has witnessed first hand how the tournament has developed over the years:
“In the beginning there were three
or four teams that were good and
the rest were down the lower end,
but now the standard -- especially
from the countries that have street
leagues -- has increased immensely.”

JUDE ELLERY

fenders back in your own half and
three forwards has opened the
game up a lot. [That rule] came in
three years ago. Prior to that, it was
a bit physical because there wasn’t
that much space. Now it’s become
much more technical and, consequently, it’s a much better game for
it. It doesn’t do it justice on TV or
video, you really have to see it in live
action. Generally speaking if you
watch this game you’ll find it hard to
watch 11-a-side afterwards, because
it’s so pedestrian in comparison.”

As the tournament has grown in
both the quantity and quality of
teams, small amendments to the
rules have been made. One of the
best improvements is the ‘two defender’ rule, as Kavanagh explained:

Due to their affiliation with the Irish
Football Association, the Irish players are awarded an official cap every
time they represent their country.
Their kit is also provided by the FAI.

“The idea of having only two de-

Kavanagh again: “The only condi-

CONTENTS

18

tion is that we have to wear the
same kit as the international team
so we can’t actually have sponsorship on the jerseys. It’s a great thrill
for the lads to have their names
printed on the back of an international jersey.”
Ireland, along with Spain, Kenya,
Russia and the USA, were featured
in the 2008 documentary Kicking It,
which followed the fortunes of several players at Cape Town 2006. Like
this year’s event, the 2006 Homeless
World Cup was supported by
celebrities. Archbishop Desmond
Tutu spoke before the cheering, vuvuzela-honking crowd prior to kick
off with a familiarly friendly address:
“Welcome, welcome, welcome to
sunny, sunny South Africa. Welcome,


CONCRETE ROOTS

welcome all of you wonderful people
from different parts of the world.”
Portugal legend Eusebio kicked the
first ball at the ‘06 tournament, describing it as a “poignant moment
for everyone.” Russia won the competition.
In 2006, Ireland had an excellent
goalkeeper in 23-year-old Damien,
who was one of the players followed
in Kicking It. He guided his nation to
a 17th-placed finish. A heroin epidemic in Dublin had left hundreds of
young people on the streets, and
Damien, a recovering addict, missed
one of Ireland’s games after forgetting to take his medication one
morning. Kavanagh explained the
importance of having a good player
between the sticks:

CONTENTS

JUDE ELLERY

“The ‘keeper is the mainstay in the
team. You’re depending on him because he’s shouting instructions the
whole time. It’s such a fast moving
game that he’s the only one who has
a clear view of everything, so having
a good ‘keeper who communicates
well and distributes the ball well is
vital.”
In Ireland, it costs around €80,000 a
year to keep someone in jail, which
is where a large percentage of
homeless people invariably end up.
The United States estimate each
homeless person costs society
around $60,000 per year, and
$40,000 alone to place one person
in an emergency shelter in New
York. Like smoking and alcohol abuse,
one would think it makes financial
sense for governments around the

19

world to solve this problem by investing in it, instead of ignoring it. What
has the world come to anyway, when
we need to cite financial evidence to
persuade authorities to help their
fellow man?

Unlike a lot of the teams in Paris,
The United States team came together only one day before the
event. Manager Rob Cann explains:
“We have a national cup and regional events. The national event is
the Street Soccer USA Cup which
featured 22 teams from 18 US cities.
We then selected the top eight ambassadors on the men's side and the
top eight on the women's side to
participate in the Homeless World


CONCRETE ROOTS

Cup. So it was never about winning
the whole thing, it was about bringing together people who had earned
the opportunity to wear the Team
USA colours.”

JUDE ELLERY

game-plan and persevered. This is
the type of attitude and determination it takes to overcome homelessness: sticking to the plan you create
for yourself and never giving up.”

The US finished 18th, with which
Cann was very pleased:

During the trip the Americans visited the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre,
Notre Dame and the Père Lachaise
“It was our best finish in the tournaCemetery, the resting place of Jim
ment ever. But overMorrison. Cann said:
all the final position is SSUSA realises a
“Some of the best
not as important as 75% success rate in
moments of the trip
how we felt on the inhappen during time
side after the event effecting a positive
away from the pitch
was over and we all life change
where we were able
were able to look
to reflect on the
each other in the eye and feel great
year's accomplishment and talk
about what we had achieved.
about what the future will hold for
each player.”
“The competition was fierce and losing is never easy, but we stuck to our
Continuing the good work back

CONTENTS

20

home is Street Soccer USA, which,
as Cann explained, aims to “transfer
job and life skills to homeless youth
and adults through the platform of
the team. By creating positive communities in places where they do
not exist SSUSA is having success.
With the assistance of coaches and
volunteers, each player is held accountable to meet -- and even exceed -- their vision for a better self.”
Research shows that SSUSA reaches
more than 20% of the chronically
homeless in a given service area,
and realises a 75% success rate in effecting a positive life change, such as
addressing a substance abuse problem or mental health issue, securing
full-time employment or moving off
the street. The Homeless World Cup
boasts similar figures, claiming that


CONCRETE ROOTS

over 70% of participants improve
their lives in some way or another
after the last ball has been kicked.

A lot of the English players had
never left their town before, let
alone their country. Sightseeing in
Paris in the height of summer couldn’t fail to open their eyes to the possibilities of life: a climb to the top of
the Eiffel Tower and a history lesson
at the Arc de Triomphe would teach
them about different cultures;
broaden their expectations and aspirations.
Yet it was Paris at night that proved
the highlight for Homeless Link sport
development officer Lindsey Horsfield:
“Going to Sacre Coeur and seeing

CONTENTS

JUDE ELLERY

Paris lit up in front of them -- it was
a pretty awesome sight.”
Horsfield is pragmatic about the immensity of the job facing people like
her and Mel Young. As those returning to education after the tournament will learn, it’s best not to look
for the end goal when it’s merely a
speck in the distance, but instead
break a mammoth task down into
bitesize pieces.
“Today’s world may not be bestsuited to a poverty free existence, so
the only hope we have of eradicating homelessness is to literally
change the world. This is a daunting
task and the Homeless World Cup
aims to break that down country by
country, project by project, individual by individual.

21

“The tournament's intention of removing the stigma and stereotypes
around homelessness will have a
far-reaching impact as that message
is conveyed to a wider public audience.”
This attitude reminds me of a poster
I have in my home, which depicts
two Tibetan monks building a
house, along with the words: “Do
not worry about how long it takes to
get results. Just do it.” This advice
has never felt more pertinent, especially when looking at countries who
are worse off than England.

“The problem of homelessness is big
in the Philippines. We are talking
about 80% of the population. Aside


CONCRETE ROOTS

from the street people or those who
literally live on the streets, this figure
includes the majority of the population that live in vast squatter communities in different cities in the
country, not just in Manila.”
Reah Medenilla is a professional social
worker and the executive director of
the Urban Opportunities for Change
Foundation, which has now run
‘Team Jeepney’ for the past four
Homeless World Cups. The Philippines team is named after the only
street paper in developing Asia.
The team was managed by former
international player Rudy del
Rosario, who played for the Philippines for 10 years. He was supported by Mark Maravilla, who
reprised the assistant manager role

CONTENTS

JUDE ELLERY

he held in Rio last year. They conducted try-outs far and wide, this
year going including Cagayan De Oro
and Bukidnon in their search, the
southernmost parts of the country.
From these trials, 16 players were
invited to Manila in April, where
they were whittled down to 8.
Medinalla saw changes in the Philippines’ chosen players as early as the
training period in the lead-up to the
competition:
“We house the players together in a
dorm. From differing backgrounds,
although all from impoverished families, they had to deal with each
other everyday. They learned to
work and live together.”
The Homeless World Cup is set up in

22

a way that all teams remain for the
duration, and all are competing for
silverware come the last day. In finishing 25th at Rio 2010, Team Jeepney claimed the Host Cup, played
out between the countries ranked
25 to 32. This year they left emptyhanded, but were content that they
had improved, this time finding
themselves in the top half come the
last day, battling for the City Cup.
They finished 24th overall.
The team jetted back home on 29
August, and set foot in Ninoy Aquino
International Airport an hour before
midnight. They had brought with
them a bag full of pasalubong -homecoming gifts -- but more valuable than these mementos were
offers of scholarships that await the
returning heroes.
They were


CONCRETE ROOTS

greeted at the airport by the two big
rival TV networks, with interviews
and congratulations aplenty. The
players were proudly adorned with
their medals, that every competitor
was given. The real gift, though, is
the opportunity to change their
lives, and it is these players who will
spread this opportunity upon their
return.
In April, Street Soccer Philippines
was created to give them a more
sustainable opportunity to remain
involved in the sport, while at the
same time promoting grassroots
football. The players trained 200
children between the ages of 10 and
16, from marginalised communities
in Quexon City and Cainta, Rizal.
There were tournaments in May and
August. The program was funded by

CONTENTS

JUDE ELLERY

a small community grant from the
Starbucks Foundation.

Basketball is the number one sport in
The Phillipines, but football has just
started to get big too. The amount
Medinalla hopes to resume Street
of support from home could be
Soccer Philippines in October, this
gauged simply by logging onto the
time going to elementary and high
Homeless World Cup oﬃcial webschools in Quezon City. “We will
site, which was dominated by wellalso replicate the program in
wishers for Team Jeepney. Mel
provinces where our players live, so
Young blogged that hosting the tourthey could coach and train kids from
nament in The Phillipines is a real
their own communipossibility, which also
ties. This program is The real gift is the
went down incredibly
very close to the heart opportunity to
well.
of our players. They change their lives,
receive allowances in
Medinalla said: “If this
participating in this it’s these players happens, in 2015 or
program -- they need it who will spread
later, it will be very
good for the Philipto survive and some- this opportunity
pines. It will put The
how provide for their
Philippines on the football map. It
family, which is a big part of Filipino
will create tourism opportunities for
culture.”
our country as a whole. But most

23


CONCRETE ROOTS

importantly, it will give us a very big
opportunity to represent the Filipino
poor and make their voices heard internationally.”
With Street Soccer Philippines now
in place, the country’s results will no
doubt improve in the coming years.
Medinalla is more interested in the
holistic effect:

JUDE ELLERY

“They are coming back with a very
different state of mind. Emotionally
they are stronger, they believe in
themselves, they want to be an example for their friends, peers and
people around.
They become
‘Agents of Change’.”

it economically until Telmex Foundation became involved in 2009.
“Since then our program has been
growing consistently. This year it
involved 17,477 people from very
difficult backgrounds, most of them
living in extreme poverty, at risk of
been homeless, at risk of getting engaged with organized crime -- all as
a result of a lack of education,
money and opportunities, or living
in rehabilitation of drugs programs.”

CONTENTS

There are 53 million homeless people in Mexico, a situation that Copto
called “critical”. This is why their
hosting of the competition in October 2012 is so important.

Copto began the program modestly,
with he and a few friends supporting

“I also try to help in working with
the players after the tournament,
following up and try to make sure
they use, for their own good, the
once in a lifetime opportunity they
were given to represent their country in an international football
event.”

Daniel Copto is a psychologist and
addictions counselor, and the
founder and president of Street Soccer Mexico. He described how his
returning players have also continued the legacy of the Homeless
World Cup, since their first tournament in 2005. They take friends to
pitches to teach them the rules and
the strategy, passing on the experience to which they’ve been privileged.

“It means the possibility of strengthening our program, of getting the at-

24


CONCRETE ROOTS

tention of politicians about this
issue, and getting their commitment
and support. There will be 72 teams
(56 male, 16 female), although this
number could yet increase. We are
certain that it is going to be a great
event full of good surprises!”

JUDE ELLERY

sidered the most dangerous city in
the world right now. His father
abandoned the family to go across
the border in the United States.
Pépe became the head of the family
when he was 16. He is the oldest of
five. He shared with us that on
many occasions when they had no
food at home, he had to go work on
illegal things to get money to buy
food.

While the World Cups are about all
players, regardless of ability, it was
hard to ignore Juan Jose Torres
Mendoza, or ‘Pépe’, who was the
standout goalkeeper in Paris. He
kept three clean sheets and restricted the opposition to a solitary
goal on three further occasions. He
duly won the Best Goalkeeper
award.

“Pépe dedicated some of the games
to a friend who had been killed. He
is going to play with a professional
team, Revolution Tijuana. He must
report with this team on 15 October.”

Copto told me a little about his
team’s star: “Pépe lives in Ciudad
Juárez, Chihuahua. This city is con-

Unfortunately for his team, Pépe
was powerless to prevent a 4-3 loss
in the final, a score that was repli-

CONTENTS

25

cated in the women’s draw, with
Mexico again finishing as the losers.
Although this situation was difficult,
Copto explained how the teams
overcame it, and were welcomed
back into their communities with respect and admiration. He also
stressed how the experience as a
whole was valuable, regardless of
this disappointment:
“During group therapy, before going
to Paris, during the concentration
and preparation previous to the
tournament, we spoke about what
if we have to cancel the trip to Paris?
How would you feel? What would
you think? Both teams responded
about the great feeling they had
only by thinking and working on that
direction. They felt great about getting to know each other, about


CONCRETE ROOTS

JUDE ELLERY

being coached, getting healthier.
They all agreed that even if they
couldn’t go, the overall experience
was great. I think that we all
dreamed with winning the cup but
we all knew that the experience of
being there was much
bigger than the trophy.” That 4-3

lost to the latter on their way to
glory, but ground out positive results
at crucial times. They showed that,
like in all walks of life, hard work is
as important, if not more, than skill.
That may be doing Scotland a disservice. The
Lawrence
brothers,
William and Sean, were
excellent throughout,
and big bald Barry Gannon may have been a bit of a cliché:
good feet for a man of his size, but
his pure desire to win -- and sometimes test the boundaries of the rules
-- clearly rubbed off on his teammates.

loss by
Mexico meant
a win for an
unlikely team

One man’s loss is another man’s gain, and that 4-3 loss
by Mexico in the men’s competition
meant a win for an unlikely team:
Scotland.
The Scots were typically British in
their play, preferring thumping tackles, organisation and determination
to the flicks and tricks displayed by
Portugal and Brazil. They actually

CONTENTS

Gannon claimed the tournament
gave him a new found confidence.
Like most of the players in Paris, he

26

is now looking forward to life with a
newfound vigour, and making plans.
At 37, he admits he is too old to
make it as a footballer, so has
instead signed up for a psychology
degree, starting in September.
Gannon need look no further for an
example of what can be achieved
following the tournament than his
manager, David Duke. Duke became
homeless himself after the death of
his father led him to alcoholism and
unemployment. He split from his
girlfriend and found himself on the
streets of Govan, just outside Glasgow. The area was, at one time in
its existence, the centre of the
world-renowned Clydeside shipbuilding industry, but is now a byword
for deprivation and poverty, after
the shipyards closed one by one in


CONCRETE ROOTS

the ‘70s and ‘80s. Today, a meager
handful of jobs remain with the surviving companies.
Duke began selling The Big Issue
and, hearing of the Homeless World
Cup from the James Shields project
for 16-25-year-olds on the street,
auditioned for the team. He was
picked, and after attending Gothenburg 2004 his life has completely
transformed. Players are only allowed to compete in one tournament, but so absorbed was he with
his experience that he took his
coaching badges and returned the
following year as assistant coach. A
natural progression to head coach
ensued, and he led the team to victory in Copenhagen 2007 in front of
Prince Frederik of Denmark. Later in
the week, his journey out of home-

CONTENTS

JUDE ELLERY

lessness was completed, as he
collected the keys to his new home.
A second Homeless World Cup win
as coach again this year may not
quite rank alongside fellow Scot Alex
Ferguson’s achievements, but what
Duke is doing for the disadvantaged
is easily as commendable. Having
people involved who have been in
terrible situations themselves and
somehow found a way out can only
inspire others to do the same.
Duke said: The Homeless World
Cup was the rope that allowed me
to pull myself out of a very dark
hole. It helped me and now I can
help others. When homeless people
say to me I can’t change, I say yes
you can. I did. So can you.

27

To give these people a helping hand,
Duke set up Street Soccer Scotland,
a national league with weekly
coaching sessions. One of the regular players, Ryan Wilson, was a big
hit at Rio 2010, and is now hoping to
follow in the footsteps of Bébé and
earn a contract at a professional
club. He appeared on Wayne
Rooney’s Street Striker last year,
where he made the ﬁnal 20.
Wilson couldn’t believe how quickly
his situation changed because of
football. “Clubs had seen a few
write-ups and videos from Rio and
the TV series. All of a sudden I was
being asked to get ﬁt and attend trial
sessions!”
Like his manager, Wilson said that,
oddly, ending up homeless was the


CONCRETE ROOTS

best thing that ever happened for
him. Speaking prior to Street Striker
experience, he said, I'd hit rock bottom. But now I have the Homeless
World Cup and the show to look forward to and I get the keys to my own
place at the end of the month.”

Homeless leagues like the ones
mentioned in these stories are
springing up all over the world,
spreading the tournament’s legacy
and creating permanent change.
The tournament itself is set to expand for the third successive year in
2012 when the teams congregate in
Mexico City. As Young pointed out
though, even homeless people who
don’t make it into their country’s
team still benefit:

CONTENTS

JUDE ELLERY

“The annual tournament is a small
“Spreading awareness is enorpart of the work we do. We work
mously important. Tell a friend
hard in the 51 weeks that surround
about the Homeless World Cup, dithe tournament with our network of
rect them to our website and join us
over 70 national parton Facebook and TwitMen:
ner organisations to
ter. Become part of the
1st -- Scotland
stimulate grassroots
conversation and you
football and engage
become an important
2nd -- Mexico
homeless people across
part in making a differ3rd -- Brazil
the world.
ence”

4th -- Kenya

“Even if they don’t atVisit
the Homeless
tend [the finals], these
World Cup website to
Women:
people are engaged in
watch every minute of
1st -- Kenya
football and can benefit
every game from Paris
2nd -- Mexico
from sporting participa2011. If you’re fortu3rd -- Brazil
tion. They gain health
nate enough to be able,
please donate some of
and fitness, self-esteem,
4th -- Argentina
your hard-earned cash
and begin to re-ingrate
to a worthy cause.
into society and are helped to find
education, jobs, and re-connect
Artist Mandy Long donated a sculpwith loved ones.

28


CONCRETE ROOTS

ture for a silent auction just after the
tournament. The event’s commercial director, Elliot Stroud, had seen
her work and contacted her to enquire if she’d be interested in helping out. She was more than happy
to oblige, although, ironically, she
was so busy creating the fantastic
piece that she didn’t have time to
watch any of the action.
Long’s work, which is a modern
twist on a traditional football trophy,
depicts the three stages of homelessness: the despair, the motivation
to change, and finally the escape.
The last stage is shown by a celebrating player crashing through a
pane of glass, a theme she often
uses.

JUDE ELLERY

feel wow, something immediate has
happened, you know? It’s very dynamic, but at the same time it has
that slightly edgy feeling, because,
where I live anyway, most kinds of
broken glass mean something bad’s
happened.”
Having two sons who played youth
football, Long’s love of the professional game grew alongside her love
of grassroots football. “I think it’s
just such a brilliant, brilliant game. I
know we get a lot of bad publicity
sometimes about hooliganism and
inflated salaries, but at grassroots
level -- and I would say in the professional game as well -- I think it does
a fantastic amount of good. The
positives massively outweigh the
negatives.”

“It’s slightly shocking, it makes me

CONTENTS

For further reading, Mel Young’s
book Goal is an uplifting volume, describing how the first two tournaments, Graz 2003 and Gothenburg
2004, affected the lives of those involved. Two films worth watching
are Kicking It, which focuses on Cape
Town 2006 and follows the adventures of some real characters as they
progress to differing stages of success, and Boisko bezdomnych (The
Offsiders), a fictional Polish production from 2008.
Many thanks to Mel Young, Benoit
Danneau, Mandy Long, Sean Kavanagh, Rob Cann, Daniel Copto,
Lindsey Horsfield and Reah Medenilla, who all provided fascinating interviews for this piece.
And as for Big Issue Guy? I’d have

29


CONCRETE ROOTS

JUDE ELLERY

liked to interview him, but I haven’t
seen him in months. The town centre
is a quieter place in his absence -though some may argue this is a
positive turn of events. I hope he
has used The Big Issue as a springboard; a way oﬀ the streets and into
a better life. Unfortunately, I know
that a quite diﬀerent reality is far
more likely. It’s events like the
Homeless World Cup that can
change this though, so please,
please, get behind it in any way you
can.

ADVERTISE HERE
EMAIL
manandball@mail.com

Now, I just have to convince my girlfriend we need a holiday to Mexico
in October next year… ■

CONTENTS

30


DANNY CHADBURN

A familiar face, and free lager to inebriate.
Everyone knows, you must speculate to accumulate.
Promises, promises leave an uncertain fate.

CONTENTS

31


THE CHAIRMAN DIARIES

DAVID HARTRICK

EPISODE THREE
Day 21 -- Fear and loathing
“…and so in the end me, Gazza and
Merse are just laying there thinking
what the hell just happened, where
the fuck have they gone and where
are our clothes?”
A laugh echoes ‘round the room, no
doubt born from the many bottles
of lager we’re providing free to the
gentlemen of the press. It’s a story
I’ve read in all three players’ autobiographies, as has nearly everyone
here, but Wethers carries it with
such aﬀection that the laugh is gen-

CONTENTS

32



uine, nevertheless. It is rare to find
a player, current or ex-, whom the
press and the public generally agree
on, but Wethers is that rarest and
finest of breeds. He carries himself
with such charm that the whole
room seems to be revolving around
his very presence.
Standing at the back of the hotel
function room, I look across the
mini-world I’ve created. Since buying this club, everything has felt like
a trudge, but now that I’ve managed
to persuade Wethers to come on
board, the weight has been lifted.
I’ve got a once genuinely world-class
England midfielder managing my
club! This is the world I instructed
my accountant to buy into; this is
the football I want to be a part of.
Since Wethers arrived I’ve yet to

CONTENTS

DAVID HARTRICK

take the long way, when driving to
the club. Not once.
It has, of course, come at a huge
price to both the club and my own
pocket. I’ve chosen to gamble and
throw my own money in, way beyond the initial investment I’d hoped
to get away with. If any one of those
bobble-hatted wankers on the terrace dare turn ‘round and have a go
at me now, I’ll make them eat a copy
of the balance sheet. Beyond any
shadow of a doubt, the Wethers
deal was the watershed moment in
my tenure here. I’m now in for far
too many pennies and even more
pounds.
Not only is he on a salary that can’t
be supported by the club, in the long
term, the contract which makes him

33

manager is only the half of it. To accommodate the amount that
Wethers wanted, he now has two
jobs: one as our manager, on a wage
that will almost certainly be supplemented from my personal financial
input to the club, and one as an ambassador for my group of companies, which will involve the odd
appearance at an event, the odd
quotation on a local billboard, and
another hefty wage that comes
straight from my own pocket.
I’ve officially gone football crazy.
I’ve forgotten every lesson business
has ever taught me.
It’s all legit and above board,
though. Having spoken to the FA
and relevant authorities, they informed us that they were only inter-



ested in the contract to be manager.
Anything else was beyond their
remit. The structure of the deal
feels complicated and, to be frank,
dishonest. But that’s the businessman in me talking. The football
chairman just wants Wethers at his
club.
On top of the contracts, there’s the
promises I’ve made. He wants an
assistant manger of his own choosing, at least one more coach, preferably with a defensive history, and
the ground redeveloped, modernised and brought in line with a
League Two club. We’ve also talked
about finding a better place to train
than the pitch or the dog-shit strewn
park, and we’re looking at the general level of equipment around the
place.

CONTENTS

DAVID HARTRICK

In Wethers’ own words: “If you play
with shit, you can’t expect more
than that.”
But that’s not all. He also wants
“some” new players.
Taking the promises on a one-byone basis, the staff will have to accept the two-job wage structure,
and the ground needs demolishing,
never mind redeveloping. Training
and equipment-wise, I’ve already
done a deal with a sports shop and
the local five-a-side place. Wethers
has had a quick look and is fine with
it. It’s that final one that scares me
most though. New players.
I agree we’re in desperate need of
new playing staff, but transfer fees,
wages and various other expenses

34

all look like they’ll be coming out of
my pocket. I’ve been thinking about
approaching the bank for some sort
of bond, but realistically it’s still
going to cost me either way.
Wethers has a contact book and a
wave of goodwill to die for. Let’s just
hope he understands the words
‘loan-deal’ and ‘free transfer’ as
keenly as he does ‘negotiate terms’.
Fuck it, I’ll worry about the finances
later. Those nagging self-doubts can
be killed with a few complimentary
lagers (that I am, in fact, paying for)
and a sandwich from the hastily-prepared buffet. At the moment, I just
want to enjoy riding the wave of excitement that comes with pulling off
one of the greatest coups in nonLeague history.



DAVID HARTRICK

In short, I’m living for the moment -something I’ve not been able to do
since joining the club.

through the gates than I had anticipated. I prepare my response accordingly.

“…and we hope the people of this
great town will be as excited as we
are…”

“How about a comment for The Sun,
Chairman? You must be delighted
with all this?”

“I’m pleased Craig has agreed to
come on board our project…”

Translation: “Come down and fill the
ground full of something other than
bobble-heads and members of
Richard’s family, so that a match day
doesn’t feel so much like a trip to
the proctologist.”

I smile across at the Dictaphone
thrust in my direction. Soon as we
heard the nationals were coming
down, we decided we couldn’t hold
a press conference at the ground. In
the same way as you can’t polish a
turd, you wouldn’t take Angelina
Jolie out on a date to a sewage outlet. Wethers is a draw and we
thought we might increase the
crowd by about 300, but judging by
the media scrum his presence in this
room has created alone, maybe we
might claw a few more quid back

CONTENTS

Translation: “I still can’t believe I
pulled this shit off!” -- Now that I
have a big-name manager I can legitimately use the most wanky of all
football terms: project.

“…about a great future for this club.”

“…We hope this is just the beginning
of a long and fruitful relationship for
both of us…”

Translation: “As long as no one
checks the balance sheet longterm.”

Translation: “I hope he now takes us
up next season or financially I may
as well bet on Lord Lucan riding
Shergar home in the Grand National
next year.”

The journalist moves on, perhaps a
little surprised to find a chairman so
willing to stand aside and let others
take the limelight. The truth is, I
don’t want to be up there with

35



DAVID HARTRICK

Wethers. He can handle himself,
he’s the draw, not me. I’m a businessman, not a celebrity. Saying
that, a businessman probably
wouldn’t be conducting his financial
affairs in the way I am at the moment; all outgoings with no guarantee of making any of it back.
There’s that self-doubt again, nagging away. The Sun journo turns and
nods back as he rejoins the pack
hanging on Wethers’ every word. As
the thought of the financial suicide
I’m currently committing threatens
to overwhelm me, I sensibly decide
that alcohol is the only thing that
will return my buzz, and head to the
bar.
To be continued... ■

CONTENTS

36


DANNY CHADBURN

When civil war becomes a national institution,
Football’s progress is hampered by political polution.
Deserk Hawks offer a more positive solution.

CONTENTS

37


SUDAN BEFORE THE SPLIT

GARY AL -SMITH

Midnight, 9 July 2011. The nation of
Sudan split and the South became
an independent state. However, in
what seems like a distant past, uniﬁed Sudan was a proud founding
member of the Confederation of
African Football. What was life like
before the split? In football terms,
crimson-clad Sudan played an
African Nations Cup qualiﬁer against
Ghana, in 2010. Afterwards, I tried
to paint a picture of the nation
through their passionate team players.
If you managed to get pitch-side at
the exact moment South African
referee Jerome Damon blew his

CONTENTS

38



whistle to end the game, you’d have
thought the team in red had won
the World Cup, rather than merely
surviving for a 0-0 away draw in an
African Cup of Nations (AFCoN)
qualifier. Considering how much
strife had hit the country -- both in
football and elsewhere -- the meaning of the result earned in Kumasi
should not be underestimated.
Chances are, when you think Sudan
you think disease, guns, hunger, war,
extremism. Unfortunately, those
conditions are all too prevalent, but
like everywhere else in Africa, the
Kush love their football. The Desert
Hawks were one of four founding
members of the Confederation of
African Football (CAF) in the 1950s,
at a time when nationalism and PanAfricanism were sweeping the

CONTENTS

GARY AL-SMITH

continent. Caught up in the fervor,
the nation gained independence
from the British in 1956 and immediately plunged into a 17-year civil
war.

with 16 teams.
After that success, Sudan would
appear in one last AFCoN in 1974.
Subsequently, three decades came
and went before the Falcons of
Jediane qualified for Ghana 2008,
ahead of the four-time World Cup
veterans Tunisia.

Sudan’s FA president, Dr Kamal
Shaddad, notes that, At one time
we had a president who dissolved all
the football structures, including
football clubs and the football associations. The basic structure was all
destroyed and for a year, kids were
not kicking balls on the street and
that really affected us.

The achievement was thanks to
Sudan’s two biggest clubs, Al Hilal
Omdurman and El Merreikh, who
had sparked a collective hope of
resurgence.

Despite the civil war, they were able
to host and win the seventh African
Cup in 1970. The fact that there
were only eight participants at the
time may have helped -- it being
somewhat more difficult currently,

Al Hilal reached the semi-final of the
2007 CAF Champions League, while
El Merreikh lost in the final of the
Confederation Cup to Tunisia's CS
Sfaxien. Although the CAF ranks Al
Hilal as Africa’s fourth best side at

39



the moment, Sudanese football’s
relative success has been tempered
by politics. For most of the three
decades when Sudan was wandering the football desert, some of their
best talent crossed
the Red Sea to play A change
for oil-rich clubs.
mindset is

GARY AL-SMITH

had won since 1962, when the local
leagues first began.

Al-Mourada are seen as the third
club in Sudan’s club football triumvirate, but struggles
in the
with finance and
a d m i n i s t r a ti o n
needed at
mean that Al Hilal
all levels to catapult
Al Hilal and El
Omdurman and El
Merreikh’s duopoly Sudanese football
Merreikh provide
doesn’t help the into a consistent force the bulk of the playlocal game, either,
ers for the national
with the pair enjoying colossal -- and
team. Worse, the other clubs,
virtually exclusive -- amounts of fiunable to match the financial
nancial support from two of the
muscle of the big two, depend on
country's leading businessmen. You
government rations to survive. A
must journey back to 1992 to find
change of mindset is needed at all
another champion (Al Hilal Port
levels to catapult Sudanese football
Sudan). Prior to that, only two other
into a consistent force.
clubs (Al Mourada Omdurman in
1968, and Burri Khartoum in 1969)
The social structure of Sudan society

CONTENTS

40

can also be blamed for the lack of
ambition and exposure. Whenever
burgeoning talents are spotted by
clubs outside Sudan, it is difficult for
the foreigners to keep them happy
because they usually feel homesick.
From the late 1990s into the new
millennium, El Merreikh’s Haytham
Tambal was tipped to be the next
George Weah. Too hot for Sudanese
clubs to hold, South African club
Orlando Pirates shanghaied him. He
soon left, though, for one simple
reason: at home his record as alltime national team goalscorer made
him a megastar; in South Africa, he
was just one of the guys.
As well, the strong social bond between Sudanese football and politics makes it difficult for national



GARY AL-SMITH

team coaches -- especially expats -to select the best representation for
the country. For instance, Sudan
went for the Anglo-Cypriot manager
Stephen Constantine between February 2009 and January 2011. He
had big ideas for the Hawks, but
alas, you do not change a people’s
mentality overnight, especially
Africans -- something Constantine
tried to do with Sudan, and Malawi
before that.

It is for this reason that the draw
with Ghana -- whose starting line-up
fielded nine players in Europe’s big
four leagues -- was greeted with
such glee by Sudan’s 11 sports
dailies, and is why Ghana’s media
have been in such a mutinous
mood. Also, there is the fact that
Sudan’s national players play for honour; they are not paid any bonuses,
whereas Ghana’s team enjoys four
figure sums.

Dr Kamal Shaddad again: “The
social linkages are so strong that
[the Sudanese players] feel isolated
any time they go out. So, any time
you play against a country that has
about 17 or more foreign-based
players, you don’t expect to come
up tops.

But Sudan deserved the draw, for
they played well. Their rich history,
sporting and otherwise, also gives
them reason to see a ray of hope
through all the dark clouds.

CONTENTS

Archaeologists believe Sudan’s corner of the continent has been a settled culture since 8,000 B.C. As

41

steeped in world history as they are,
and also founding fathers of Africa’s
organised football, the Sudanese
people deserve more than they are
getting. Their players know this,
giving their best every time they
take to the field. Yet, before a single
ball is kicked, they sing the words of
their anthem with so much passion:
“We are the army of God and of our
country / We shall never fail when
called to sacrifice / We challenge
death during hard times / We buy
glory, at the dearest price.”
When you consider that the last
time Sudan won the AFCoN, in 1970,
it was also the Black Stars who were
beaten, it may seem sentimental to
believe that a draw with a World
Cup quarter-finalist was just the



GARY AL-SMITH

tonic Sudan needed to relive their
glory days.
But here’s some free advice: don’t
count on it. ■

CONTENTS

42


SMUGGLERS’ BLUES

“Merde!Thisplaceisashithole!”
Gastonlookedsidewaysathispartnerslash-doppleganger and snorted.
EverywherewasashitholetoPierre.
Yet,inthisinstance,Gastonhadto
grudgingly admit that his age-old
friendwascorrect.Khartoumwas
indeedashithole.Thewholecountry
was.
NorthSudanwasanariddesert,brokenonlybytheNileslitheringdown
toLakeNasser,beforecoursingpast
the desecrated tombs of Cheops,
Ramses,Tutankhamunandtherest
ofthenarcissisticEgyptians,thenon
to Cairo, Alexandria and into the
Mediterranean.
Gaston smiled at a memory of
Cleopatra.ThePharaohshadbuilta

CONTENTS

43


SMUGGLERS’ BLUES

gloriouscivilisation,true,but,like
any other, it had been rife with
treacheryanddeceit.HeandPierre
thrived on corruption and, before
theyhadmadeGaultheirbaseofoperations,theyhadenjoyedprofitable
timesinEgypt.
TheRomanshadspoiledthat,however.PleasingvisionsoftheEgyptian
seductresstransformedintothegrim
visagesofJuliusandMarkAntony.
Still, Pierre had found a way to
exploittherivalrybetweenthetwo
Romans,andGastonhadsmiledand
tasted the sweet crimson as he
watchedfromtheshadowswhenthe
kniveswentintoCaesar.Thedownwardspiralofgraftanddecadence
whichflowedfromthatdeedhadfed
thepairofthemforcenturies.

CONTENTS

Hesteeredhisthoughtsbacktothe
present. Khartoum divided the
scorchedwasteoftheNorthfromthe
rain-sodden south. You had your
choice in Sudan, between humid
heat or arid, between monsoon or
duststorm,buteveryinchofhabitablespacewasfilledwithfilthy,savage blacks, who would cut their
brother’sthroatforapenny.
Gaston looked sideways at Pierre,
considering that. No, he would
nevermakethatchoice.Therewere
limits, even to what he would do.
Besides,theirswastheperfectrelationship. Pierre completed him,
eachone’sstrengthscancellingthe
other’sweaknesses.Unlikeothersof
theirilk,whooperatedalone,having
someone to trust made them
stronger.

44

These untrustworthyAfrican fools
could be exploited, however. The
piracyintheRedSeayieldedalmost
limitless bounty when witless
thievesandcutthroatsweregivena
little guidance. Stolen goods and
contraband made their way from
Aqiq,onthecoastneartheEritrean
border,acrossthewaste,throughthe
oasisatDerudebandfromthereto
Khartoum,wherePGInc.hadset
upitsdistributionnetwork.
Theendlesscivilwarmadeitvery
easytoconductbusinessinthecity.
Any temporary authority which
mightnotbeamenabletodoingbusinesswaseasilyremovedwithjusta
whisper in the proper ear and an
overstuffedenvelopeplacedinthe
hand.


SMUGGLERS’ BLUES

Lately, there had been problems,
however.Assetswereeitherdisappearing without a trace or being
‘exchanged’ for ridiculous items,
such as key chains, ginsu knives,
clap-on light switches, Rubik’s
Cubesand,inthelastshipment,pink
footballs.Atfirst,Gastonhadsuspected that one of their associates
hadbecometoowiseandgreedyfor
his own good, but two successive
purgeshadn’tresolvedtheissue.
Thus,heandPierrehadreluctantly
shuttered their cafe in Paris for a
weekanddescendedintothissweltering nest of disease and filth.
Given the nature of the thievery,
Gastonwasnowalmostcertainasto
theculprit’sidentity,butcatchingthe
oldtricksterwouldbeverydifficult.

CONTENTS

Tonight,theyawaitedashipmentof
automaticweaponswhichwasbeing
truckedinfromthesea.Itwouldgo
on to loyalist troops in embattled
Libya.HeandPierrehadinspected
thecargoatAqiq,inDerudeb,and
trackeditsprogressalongitsentire
dustyroute,electronically.Thecaravanhadnotpausedotherthanfor
fuel,andoneofthemhadoverseen
eachofthosepitstops.
PGwouldhaveaccompaniedthe
processionfortheentireroute,but
theywereinvadersinanother’sterritory, and the open desert made
themvulnerable.Nancymayjustbe
amischiefmaker,buthehadsome
powerful friends who resented the
Europeanpresenceandwouldstrike
quickly if give the opportunity. It
wasbetterifnooneknewwherethey

45

wereatanygivenmoment.
Astheysatsweatinginfrontofthe
opendoorsoftheabandonedwarehouse, dusk approached. Pierre’s
nosewasburiedinthemonitorofhis
laptop,trackingthecaravanbysatellite.Gastonlookedoverhisshoulder; the trucks were still a few
kilometres off. Across the road, a
group of children were kicking a
pinkfootballaroundapatchofdusty
ground, laughing and chittering to
eachother.Oneyoungboy,probably nine or ten, was especially
skilled, weaving his way through
and around the rest, dribbling and
jugglingtheballwithease.
Finally,hepushedhislucktoofar,
andoneoftheotherurchinsslidin
hardandknockedtheballaway.The


SMUGGLERS’ BLUES

boybundledoverinaheapandthe
ball skittered across the street and
rolledtoastoplessthantwentyfeet
from Pierre and Gaston. Pierre’s
focusonhismonitordidn’twaver.
Gastonlookedatthepinkballand
mutteredtohimself.Heroseoutof
hisfoldingchair,strodeovertothe
ballandpickeditup.Thechildren
yelledathimtothrowitbackacross
theroad.Hejuststoodthere,holdingit.

HisheadwassobigthatGastonidly
wondered if he ever took the shirt
off.

“Thisisyourball?”

“Pleasesir,”hechirped,“maywe
haveourballback?”

“Wheredidyougetit?”

Gastonlookeddownathimsternly.

“Atallwhitemangaveittoustwo
weeksago,sir.”
Thetimingcertainlyfitwiththelost
shipmentbutnewsofawhiteman
surprisedGaston.Therewerevery
fewoperatinginthearea.

Oneofthem,thetalentedboy,darted
acrosstheemptystreetandlooked
upathim,smiling.Hewasbarefoot,
wearingdirtykhakishortsandatattered Barcelona shirt, one or two
sizestoosmall.Therewerescrapes
andscarsonhislegsandarmsbut
his face was unmarked and lit by
bright eyes and even white teeth.

CONTENTS

“Well,weallshareit,sir.”

“Whatdidhelooklike?”
Theboysfeaturesscrewedupfora
moment,ashetriedtofindawayto
describethewhiteman.Finallyhe
shruggedandgaveashortreply.
“Helookedprettymuchlikeyou,sir,

46


SMUGGLERS’ BLUES

excepthewasmuchtaller.”
Gaston sighed in exasperation.
‘Theyalllookaliketome’wasauniversalphrase.Heaskedaseriesof
questions and the youngster’s answers combined to describe a tall,
athletic Englishman of middle-age
withlighthair,abeardandcasual,
butexpensive,dress.
Nigel.
The problem was that PG had
someonewatchingtheEnglishgod
andtheirreportssuggestedthatthe
BrithadbeennowherenearAfrica.
Yet,thispupseemedsureofthefellow who had given him the ball.
PerhapsNigelrequiredadditional
attention.

CONTENTS

“Pleasesir.”Thehigh-pitchedvoice
intruded on Gaston’s thoughts.
“MayIhaveourballback.”
“It’smine,now,”Gastonsneered,
“butI”llsellittoyouforadollar.”
Theboy’ssmilewavered.“Idon’t
haveadollar,sir.Noneofusdo.”
Gastonsighed.“Doyoureallywant
theball?”

“Thengetajobandbuyone,”Gaston
snarled.“Now,getoutofhere.”
Acrosstheroad,therestofthechildrendroppedtheirheadsatthesight
oftheirruinedballandbegantodisperse.Theyoungurchinlookedup
sadly at Gaston, shaking his head.
Thenheturnedandskippedacross
theroad,callingtohisfriends.As
theyfadedintothetwilight,hisgay
voicehadthemlaughingagaininno
time.

Theboy’ssmilereturned.
“Yes,sir.Please!”
Gastonpulledasmallknifefromhis
beltandswiftlypuncturedtheball,
droppingittothegroundwithaflat
thump.Theboy’ssmiledeflatedas
quicklyasthepinkball.

47

Gaston gave the deadened ball a
swiftkickanditsailedlazilyintothe
middleoftheroad,landingwitha
plop, bleeding more precious air.
Therewasasuddenrumble,which
quicklygrewinvolume.Arowof
trucks,theirlightsoff,emergedfrom
thegatheringdarknessandrolledto-


SMUGGLERS’ BLUES

wardsthegapingdoorsofthewarehouse. One by one, they rode directlyovertheremainsofthelifeless
footballuntiltherewasnothingleft
butaflatscrapofsyntheticpinkand
blackleather,coatedindirt,oiland
tiretread.
Pierreclosedhislaptopwithasnap
and,standing,followedthelasttruck
into the edifice. Gaston followed
andhittheswitchwhichrolledthe
doorsshutwitharattleandclang.
Armed guards hopped out of the
backofeverytruckandtookuppositions.Theleaddriversteppedup
and handed a manifest to Pierre
whileanothercrankedupaforklift.
Soonenough,severalcratessaton
thewarehousefloorawaitinginspection.

CONTENTS

Crowbars were applied, lids cast
asideandcontentsexamined.Looks
of alarm quickly spread. PG
steppedforwardandlookedintoseparatecontainers.Bothgodsreached
inandpulledouthandfulsofthin,
rectangular items in brightly
colouredpackaging.Cursing,they
movedfromboxtoboxandfound
that,ratherthanKalishnikovs,each
one contained instructional DVDs
onSwedishmassage.
As angry yells of accusation and
protestingshoutsturnedtoscreams
andgunfire,theyoungboystoodin
theshadowsnearby,smiling.When
the doors rolled open, Pierre and
Gastonemergedinanemptytruck
andtoreoffdowntheroad.

transformed into a thin wiry old
man,deckedoutinashinysuitwith
a bright red tie and matching kerchiefinthebreastpocket.Flames
sprungupinthewarehouse,flickering at the windows, and smoke
began to billow out the still open
doors.
Nancyreachedbehindhimandproducedapinkfootballcoveredbya
chequeredfeltfedorawithafeather
inthehatband.Placingthehatjauntilyonhishead,hetossedtheballup
andjuggleditfromfoottofoot,casually, before tapping it into the
emptylotwherethechildrenwould
surelyfinditinthemorning.Laughingsoftlytohimself,hefadedfrom
sight.■

The boy sniggered, then smoothly

48


DANNY CHADBURN

What delights can we expect? Where to begin?
In Team Scandinavia, playmakers come thin.
High-octane incision is their method of win.

CONTENTS

49


HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING
AND LOVE NORDIC FOOTBALL

CHARLIE ANDERSON

When Jude Ellery invited me to
write an article for Man And Ball, I
stupidly said yes. Stupidly, because
when I searched for a topic to cover,
I settled on 'what is it that I like
about Nordic football?’ It was only
when I sat down in front of my laptop, the sheer and merciless void of
an empty Word document staring
me in the phizog, that I realised I
don’t know how to answer that
question. An interesting development but, given that I’d agreed to
write on the subject, something of a
botherance.
It felt like that GCSE History exam all
over again and, just as I then blindly

CONTENTS

50


LOVE NORDIC FOOTBALL

had a go at a bewildering question
regarding the Battle of Jutland, I’m
going to close my eyes tightly and
tackle this one.
What’s to like about Nordic football?
I don’t know where to begin other
than at the beginning.
In the latter parts of the nineteenth
century the English, all steely-eyed
righteousness and quiveringly
earnest moustachery, took their
Great Game to the world. Scandinavia (Jutland included) was one of
the first places they rocked up and
weighed anchor.
Northern Europe took to football
like Jamie Redknapp to a pair of figure-hugging trousers, and the game
caught on quickly. Kjøbenhavns

CONTENTS

CHARLIE ANDERSON

Boldklub, for example, was the first
football club founded in mainland
Europe. KB survives to this day in
the Danish lower leagues, while
their professional team merged with
Boldklubben 1903 to form FC
Copenhagen in 1992 (a busy year,
what with BSkyB inventing English
football).
It was an Englishman, Charles
Williams, who first coached the Danish national team, and took them to
a 1908 Olympic silver medal (they
lost the final to Great Britain). So,
from that moment when the English
first hitched up their pantaloons and
waded, football in hand, into the
North Sea, their ties with Scandinavia have been pretty sturdy.

cal proximity, it’s interesting that the
footballing Anglophilia, which dates
back to the game’s first jaunt across
the North Sea, has never been reciprocated. Football was exported to
the Netherlands at pretty much the
same time, so it’s interesting that
the Dutch game holds such an exalted place in England’s collective
footballing consciousness whereas
there is little awareness of Nordic
football in Albion, beyond the national teams.
I don’t mean to lament the dichotymy, nor suggest that it’s inexplicable. It is a curiosity, though.
Perhaps a sense that the region goes
a little unappreciated makes it more
attractive to a pseudo-intellectual
football blogger such as me.

Given the geographical and histori-

51



CHARLIE ANDERSON

No, that isn’t it. It’s a teasing cross
Since 2004, the Norwegian midbut it’s not a thumping header into
fielder has been, more or less, a regthe far corner. A quick glance at
ular first-team player in the world’s
David Goldblatt’s globiggest, shiniest footriously comprehensive That fantasista
ball league. He’s asflagstone The Ball Is drought has its
sisted 70 Premier
Round takes us far disadvantages, but League goals, which is
closer to the nub of
more than such global
the matter. Discussing it also facilitates a
icons as Cristiano
more team-based
the development of
Ronaldo or Gary
football in northern sensibility
Speed ever managed.
Europe,
Goldblatt
But Gamst will never
writes of “cultures unencumbered
be a superstar, there’ll never be a
by great power pretensions”.
team built around him. He’s an
unglamorous player who helps to
That unencumbered attitude is, I
knit the team together, just like Sami
think, right at the heart of what’s
Hyypiä, Martin Laursen or Sebastian
great about Nordic football. There’s
Larsson.
a certain understated charm that
adds something to the game.
The Nordic countries tend to produce a lot more of this type of player
Consider Morten Gamst Pedersen.
than they do bewitching playmakers

CONTENTS

52

or nimble-toed centre-forwards.
Obviously that fantasista drought
has its disadvantages, but it also facilitates a more team-based sensibility, which in turn produces players
with a valuable understanding of intangibles, such as shape and space - or what Jorge Valdano called
“knowing-how-to-play-football”. In
Brilliant Orange, David Winner
writes at length about the Dutch aptitude for manipulating space, and I
think that, to some extent, it’s fair to
describe Nordic football in the same
terms.
That anti-individualist baseline
makes the extraordinary talents that
do emerge all the more nerve-cracklingly thrilling. Think of those players like Michael Laudrup or Jari
Litmanen, and how much of their



greatness came from the propensity
to put their gifts at the disposal of
the collective. Michel Platini even
described Laudrup as “not selfish
enough”.
All this talk of playmakers, and
there’s a woolly mammoth in the
room. The beast to which I refer is
not Jan Mølby, but the issue of the
long-ball game. It’s a characterisation often applied to Nordic teams;
one which is both fair and unfair. It’s
best observed through the prism of
Egil Olsen’s Norway.
Olsen, or “Drillo” as he’s nicknamed,
is one of the great long-ball theorists, and heavily influenced by Graham
Taylor
(there’s
that
Anglo-Nordic link again). Drillo’s
Norway played, and continue to

CONTENTS

CHARLIE ANDERSON

play, a scientific, high-octane longball game with an intense and impatient sensibility. Not a second is
wasted, and the gritty organisation
of the defence is matched with a furious and surgically precise counterattack. It’s long-ball, but it’s as far
from hit-and-hope as imaginable.
It’s hard work for the spectator, but
also strangely enervating. Å være
best uten ball -- “to be the best at
running without the ball” -- is
Olsen’s philosophy.
Another example of entertaining
long-ball would be Denmark’s first
goal of the 2010 World Cup, when
Simon Kjær lasered a diagonal pass
to Dennis Rommedahl, who took
one touch to beat the defender and
another to slide the ball across the
six-yard box. Nicklas Bendtner did

53

the honours at the far post. It was a
long-ball theorist’s dream -- only
two passes! -- but a goal of crisp,
clinical beauty.
So there you have it. Glamorous?
Not really. Exciting? Sometimes.
Sexy? Only when Zlatan’s around.
The hard sell was never my strong
suit, and I can see that you want to
get back to Nigel’s adventures. I’ll
shut my briefcase, then, and go
hawk my wares on another
doorstep. I tip my hat to you, and
thank you for your time.
Do me a favour though, would you?
Check with Nigel and get back to
me. I still don’t know what happened at the Battle of Jutland. ■


DOMESTIC BLISS

NigelandLivbrokeofftheirkissas
theyfelttheelevatorcomingtoasoft
stop.Thus,whenthedoorsopened
theylookedforalltheworldlikea
proper,well-mannered,respectable
couple, hair and clothing neat and
orderly, both facing forward and
making neither eye nor physical
contact;ratherthanapairconsumed
intheearlythroesofapassionaterelationship, unable to keep their
handsoffoneanother.Theystepped
outintothelobbyand,withbarelya
nod,Livmadeforthediningroomto
secureatable,whileNigelheaded
forthefrontdesktohandinthekey;
they’dbeoffforaroundofgolfafter
themeal.
When he reached the counter, the
clerkhandedhimaslightlybulging
courierenvelopeaddressedto‘Nigel

CONTENTS

54


DOMESTIC BLISS

Etherington,CEOGlobalExports’.
Sincehisreturn,hehaddevelopeda
tastefornovelsofintrigue,particularly the works of Le Carre and
Fleming.Tuckingthepackageunder
hisarm,hewalkedacrossthelobby
tothediningroom,woundhisway
calmlythroughthestaggeredrowsof
tables to one by the window and,
withthesuaveandgraceofasecret
agent,benttogiveLivapeckonthe
top of her head, before taking his
seat.
As he tore into the package, she
lookedupfromherpaper,curious.
Therewasoneiteminside:aDVD
entitled ‘Master The Arts Of
SwedishMassage’.Attachedtothe
front was a yellow Post-it with a
pinksmileyfacedrawnonit.

“Nancy?”sheasked.

andGaston’sskinIsee.”

Nigel nodded. “Everything went
well,apparently.”

Nigelnodded.
ToddpickeduptheDVDandread
the cover and back, one eyebrow
raised.

Livsmiled.
Therewasabitofcommotioninthe
room;anoutburstoflaughsandgiggleswhichannouncedthearrivalof
Taylor and Todd. The American
couplehadnouseforproprietyand
wereunabashedintheiraffectionfor
eachother,embracingandoffering
eachotherapassionatekissbefore
Toddmadeashowofpullingouta
chairforTaylortositdown.
Settling down, Taylor spied the
video.
“NancyisstillgettingunderPierre

CONTENTS

55

“DoyoumindifIhangontothis?”
heasked.
NigelsmiledasLivgiggledandTaylorblushed.
“Byallmeans.”
“Thanks!” Todd almost gushed.
“TailandIarereallygratefulforthe
invitation. We both come from
strongIrishstock,butneitherofus
haveeverbeen.So,it’sreallyexcitingtobeplayingeighteeninIreland,


DOMESTIC BLISS

andrightonthecoastnoless!It’s
likePebbleBeachbutmorehistoric!
Wecan’tsaythankyouenough.Really!

encewiththegamewashittingballs
whenanextookhertothedriving
rangeafewtimes.
Hearchedaneyebrowinherdirection.

BeforeNigelcouldcountthe‘reallies’orsay“you’rewelcome”forthe
umpteenth time on the weekend,
Taylorinterjected.
“Thatdoesn’tmeanwe’renotgoing
to kick your ass on the links,
though!”

Shesmiledbackathimsweetlyand,
shrugging,asked,“Howhardcanit
be?”
TaylorandToddbothburstintofits
oflaughter.

“Oh,we’llseeaboutthat!”Livwas
quicktotakeupthechallenge.
Nigelwasabitsurprisedbyherconfidence. When he had first suggested meeting up with the
Americansforaroundofgolf,she
had admitted that her only experi-

CONTENTS

Asthefoursomewalkedofftheninth
green, the laughter had been replacedbydark,suspiciousglances
andthebreezeofftheIrishSeahad
beenforgotten.Putashortormiddle
distanceironinLiv’shandandshe
wasdeadlyaccurate.Nigel’sgame
wassolid,and,unlikeTodd,whostill
hadn’tlearnednotto“gripitandrip
it”despitefindinghiswayintothree
potbunkers,hewascontenttoput
theballinthefairwayforLivwheneverheteedoff.Theyounggoddess
hadhitthesticktwiceandspunanother approach to within five feet.
Asaresult,theBritswereupfour
holesastheyroundedtheturn.
As the quartet picked up some
refreshmentsbeforestartingonthe
backnine,Nigeltriedtodefuseany
tensions.

56


DOMESTIC BLISS

“Ithoughtyousaidyou’donlyhit
ballsafewtimes?”
Livshruggedagain.
“That’sright,butit’sjustaboutcoordinationandbodycontrol.Igrew
up in dance class -- it’s the same
thing,whenyouthinkaboutit.”
“Did you really?” Todd piped up,
withaneagersmile.“Youknow,I
wasacheerleaderincollege!”
Livstaredathim,unsurejustwhat
thatmeantandTaylorrolledhereyes
indisgust.Sheelbowedherhusband
hardintheribs.
“Ow,Tail!”hecriedout.“Whatwas
thatfor?”

CONTENTS

“Forget about cheerleading,” she
growled, “and forget about your
driver,too.Ifyoutakeitoutofyour
bagagain,I’llwrapitaroundyour
head.”
ToddlookedfromhiswifetoNigel
andLiv,hisfaceamixofconfusion,
embarrassmentandchagrin.Feeling
somewhatempathetictohisfellow
god’scompleteignoranceofthefemalecondition,Nigelclappedhim
ontheshoulderencouragingly.

Taylor were buzzing excitedly as
theyhigh-fivedandpulledtheircarts
towards the next tee. With their
backsturned,NigelgaveLivasuspiciouslookwhichwasansweredby
asurreptitiousshrugandveryguilty
expressionofinnocence.
Yet, there would be no winners or
losers in this contest. As they approachedthefifteenthteebox,two
figureswalkedoutfromanadjacent
copseoftrees.Itwasagrimfaced
Padraig,withMalintow.

“Let’sgetbacktoit,shallwe?”
“We’vegotaproblem,”hesaid.■
Fourholeslater,withTodd’sdriver
permanentlyhooded,theYankshad
halved their deficit. Then, on the
fourteenth, Liv missed a putt that
wasthenextbestthingtoagimme,
anditwasamatchagain.Toddand

57


DANNY CHADBURN

Founding fathers build a new sport to consume,
Imports given hometowns and monikers to assume.
Base, basket and football, does soccer have room?

CONTENTS

58


THE SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP

NIALL FARRELL

For centuries, Ireland has had a
special relationship with America.
Irish emigrants built American
railways, policed their streets and
produced generals, admirals and
presidents for their adopted countrymen. The exodus was so vast
that, today, most Irish people have
an American relative. Applying for
the J1 visa to work for a summer in
the States has become almost a rite
of passage for Irish students.
‘These were the hands that built
America’ may be a cliché -- and the
name of a U2 song -- but it’s true.
Ireland also had a role in the pioneering days of both American foot-

CONTENTS

59


THE SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP

ball and soccer, with the story of the
latter remaining largely untold.
While Notre Dame’s Fighting Irish,
along with the Syracuse Orangemen
and numerous others, remain an
integral part of American college
football, and NCAA athletics in general, their association football
counterparts have remained hidden
in the mists of history.
However, the Irish clubs were held
in such high regard by the founding
fathers of US professional football
that two clubs, one from each side
of the Irish border, were among
those invited to participate in the
United Soccer Association -- the first
attempt at a mass-marketed professional league in the US.
In 1966, an idea was born in the

CONTENTS

NIALL FARRELL

heads of three of the greatest entrepreneurs of American sport. Jack
Kent Cooke, Steve Stavro and Lamar
Hunt wanted to bring professional
association football to America,
replete with all the passion and
grandeur of the great European and
South American leagues. They
formed a consortium, calling it the
North American Soccer League
(NASL) -- with the intention of establishing the first fully professional
league in North America.
All three men had football -- as well
as a plethora of other sports -coursing through their veins. Cooke
owned the professional basketball
and ice hockey franchises in the
massive Los Angeles market (the
Lakers and the Kings) as well as the
Washington Redskins of the NFL. He

60

also owned the famous Forum -where the Lakers played -- which,
until the construction of the Staples
Center, ranked alongside Madison
Square Gardens as one of the most
iconic indoor sports venues in the
world.
Cooke had also owned several radio
and television stations, newspapers
and magazines. He pioneered the
now familiar model of sports entertainment -- running promotions for
fans during matches and seating
celebrities in the front row.
The second of the founding NASL
members, Stavro, had a different
background. He was the only one of
the trio to grow up playing the
game. As a schoolboy in Toronto,
Stavro played football and, in 1961,


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