This document provides satirical advice on how to be an inconsiderate user, developer, and company involved with free and open source software projects. It suggests behaviors to avoid such as not registering for mailing lists, being rude, not searching for duplicate bug reports, not contributing back to projects, and creating unnecessary forks and licenses. The tone is humorous but aims to highlight counterproductive ways of interacting with free software communities and codebases.

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the Free Software
Bastard Guide
Disclaimer: explicit content, do not reproduce in real life

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HOW TO
be an asshole
~ User ~
~ Developer ~
~ Company ~

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~ User ~

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Chapter #1
[ Mailing lists ]

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Don’t use lists
Send mail directly to project leaders※
Paste stack traces on IRC channels※
Use Twitter and Facebook to ask question or report
problems※
※ Open issues in bug tracker to ask questions

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Use the lists
Never register! Let administrators take time to moderate
your message.
Be rude if you don’t get any answer.
※
Use a Vacation Away message to inform all people that
your are not available※
Do not answer to the list but directly to sender. You want
to get help, not to give it.※

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Invite the list to all professional networks

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Write on lists
※
Use your mother thong. Anybody can use a translation tool
to read you.
Answer on top, don’t include original text, use HTML,
include pictures in your signature, TRY TO
UPPERCASE ALL WORDS, put !!! and ??? everywhere
※
※ FEED THE TROLL

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Chapter #2
[ Bugs ]

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Find bugs
※ Use prehistoric version (>2 years old)
※ Use non official patch
※ Use weird operating systems
※ Let your children use the software

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Report bugs
※
Don’t search if the bug was already reported, try to create
duplicates
※ Description “Does not work” is often enough
※
Demand a quick solution for free. Use the word “ASAP”.
Never test the patch because it’s too hard

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~ Developer ~

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Chapter #3
[ Documentation ]

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Acronyms
※ RTFM (Read The Fucking Manual)
※ WITFM (Where Is The Fucking Manual)
※ TODO (Too Old DOcument)
※ RTS (Read The Source)

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Documentation everywhere
※
Create files in project (README, INSTALL) but never
update them
※ Install an open wiki (without authentication)
※
Explain a lot of things on mailing list but never put them in
a documentation

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Chapter #4
[ Quality ]

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TESTING
IS
DOUBTING

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~ Company ~

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Using Free Software
※ License? Let this to Bob from accounting department
※ OMG they give it for free! Idiots ;)
※ Give something back? We will that next year
※ Community? Are we doing politics here?

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Making Free Software
※ Fork instead of contributing (Fork as a Service)
※
Keep interesting features for “enterprise” edition, because
only big companies use them
※
Create a new license and pay a team of lawyer for this,
because no existing license fits your needs
※
Don’t let external people contribute, they will mess up all
with their dirty hands

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@CreativeConnard
Links for bastards
@DonJon_Legacy
http://donjonlegacy.com/