My father passed away peacefully in my mother's arms, with his last words being "Kopi", his favorite drink. Though his death was expected due to numerous illnesses he had fought for years, it was still difficult to say goodbye. At his funeral, our family honored him by dressing and preparing his body, sharing stories of how he was a loving husband and father who taught us integrity and charity. We take comfort knowing he is now in heaven without pain, looking over us and enjoying kopi with Jesus. I miss him deeply and find comfort knowing he fought so hard to stay with us and will continue watching over our family.

1. “Kopi” with Jesus?
My dad’s last word was “Kopi”. Now, I imagine that he is in heaven
sipping his favourite brew in the Presence of the Lord.
Read and be inspired by this wonderful testimony of a dad who left an
indelible mark to his children, after he passes on to be with the Lord.
Contributed by:
Dr. Felicia Chang (Writing Team)
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2. My father last word was ‘kopi’
If I was to write this experience on a piece of manuscript, you would have seen
tear drop stains on the paper parch because every word reminded me of my loss
and how much I missed my dad. Dad’s death was both expected and unexpected,
if I could put it in those terms.
Dad had been ill for many years and despite numerous
times that he ended up in intensive care, he managed to
return to us. We used to joke that dad broke the record of
the number of diseases he suffered and the number of times
he beat them. Who would have imagine that a frail man like
him managed to survived 9 strokes, 2 types of cancer and
the final one even spread to his liver and bone. Who would
believe that despite all these terrible conditions, dad
managed to go for his dialysis 3 times a week. Our family
labeled him as fighter. He fought so hard to stay longer with us, the love of his
life.
It was extremely hard to describe his last moment. All I could remember was the
tears and the heartache. Dad breathed his last breath in my mother’s arm. Not
too dramatic, not too difficult, just a few laboured last breaths and he was gone.
We did not ask him to stay like the year before because we knew how much he
suffered with his illness. We said our goodbyes and we let him go. “Daddy, it is
OK. We will be OK! We will take care of mom! You no longer have to suffer!” That
was our promises to our beloved dad.
I remember caring for him the night before he passed
away. He called me and asked me for ‘kopi’ about 9.30pm.
“Ah Fun, I want kopi!” was his words.” No dad, it is so late,
you would not be able to sleep!” About 10 minutes later,
“Kopi! Kopi!” Finally I had to pacify him and told him that
mom was at the supermarket to get him some. Watching
over him that night, it was like any other night, he turned
and tossed and went to sleep. How would I imagine that
he left us the next day, and that his last word to me was
“Kopi”. I prayed that dad is having his cup of hot and aromatic coffee now as he is
now in heaven watching over us.
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3. Did I mention that dad passed away on Chinese New
Year eve? It was both a good and poor timing. The good
part was all of us were home. Dad decided to wait for
everyone before he left. He never wanted make a fuss
or troubled his kids, so he chose the day when we were
all back in Sitiawan. The poor timing was it was almost
impossible to get things arranged. Even the undertaker
seemed to want to rush for his reunion dinner. He did
not want to dress my dad up, so it was up to us, his
family, to bless him with our last pious act.
We washed his body and then mom and I put on some light make up for him. He
looked so good. My brothers got him a whole new set of suit from inside out. He
loved to wear a singlet. We put it on, then the white shirt and the coat. We put on
the pants, the socks and the shoes. Dad looked so handsome and so peaceful. He
was ill for so long and he was so thin, but on that day, my dad was the most
handsome man I’ve ever seen! It was such honour to serve him for the last time.
We took turn to thank him for being such a great dad to us and kissed him
goodbye. It was particularly hard for mom when she held him close and kissed
him goodbye.
His pastor came, we sang and prayed. Everyone seemed composed till we need
to lift him and lower him into his final resting bed. We cried and cried because
that would be the last physical contact we would ever have with our dad. We
could never hold his hand or kiss his face again. How painful it was for all of us!
Daddy, do you know how much we yearn to hold your hands now?
Families and friends came from afar. Even though some of them were not
Christians, they did not mind coming to pay their respect and to say their final
goodbyes. We were really touched by such generosity and love they had for my
dad and his grieving family. Their hugs, love, words of comfort and kindness
helped us through the difficult time.
During the wake, we wanted to honour our dad.
Mom and brothers were asked to share their
stories dad’s life. Words from mom and my
brothers brought us to tears. Each one of us
grew up with different memories. Dad was a
loving husband. He loved my mom so much that
even at the final moments, he stared at mom till
he stopped breathing. Dad taught us how to be
a good human person. His taught us about
honesty, integrity, charity and so much more. His love and word of
encouragements always stayed with us whenever we faced challenges in life. We
love him the same and yet very differently.
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4. The most challenging part about dad’s final days was the “pantang larang” about
dying during Chinese New Year. Although we understood why some could not
come to say their final goodbyes because of this, we could not but felt
disappointed too. Dad was so good to so many people. He had never said ‘no’ to
anyone who wanted his help. Still, we were touched by those who decided to
come to pay their last respects and were there to support his grieving family.
Perhaps that was dad’s plan all along, just to leave with only his close knit family
and friends around him.
After 4 days wake, we had to send dad back to his hometown in Sungai Siput,
Ipoh. I remembered when dad was very ill few years back, none of my family
members, including my mom dared to ask if my dad wanted a burial or
cremation after his death. Perhaps because I am in Palliative Care, I decided to
check with dad. We would love to respect his choices. Dad said he wanted burial.
We searched and brought him around looking for his final ‘bungalow’. His final
choice was to be buried next to his mom in Sungai Siput.
During the funeral possession, we took him to his photography shop. Dad and
mom came to Sitiawan almost 40 years ago to establish “Palace Photo Studio”. It
was his sweat and blood. He built his family together with his business. Many
who came told us that dad took their wedding photos. Such a legacy he left us.
We stopped in front of the shop as a tribute to his tireless work.
As we were driving back to Sungai Siput, we
shared so many of dad’s stories. Stories that
made us laughed and cried and yearned for
him. We reminded ourselves the lessons he
taught us, the spankings we got from being
mischievous, the gift he gave us and all the
loving memories. When we put him into his
final resting place, we felt a sense of peace. We
know that dad is in a better place. A place
where there is no pain or sickness or dialysis or suffering. Dad is watching us
from above, sipping his coffee with Jesus and smiling down to us.
Apparently, Dad had appeared to my mom, brothers and my
sister. Most dreamt that he was smiling, waving good byes
and moving towards heaven. Sometimes, I wonder why he
never appears to me? Everyone in the family knew I am his
favourite daughter. I sometimes too wonder why dad singles
me out. I wonder why he never come back to say goodbye.
Perhaps it was harder for him to say his final goodbye? I do
not know and do not understand. All I know is what my dad
had taught me - to be pious to the living , not the dead. I kept my promise but
then cannot help missing and yearning to hear his voice, smell or touch him.
Dad, O, dad, I love you so so much and you will never ever leave my mind, heart
or soul till we meet again, please continue to watch over your beloved daughter
and family from heaven. Love you to the core!
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