The document discusses the challenges faced by expatriates in maintaining relationships and supporting aging parents from a distance. It emphasizes the importance of communication and planning, utilizing technology to stay connected, and appointing a family manager to help with local responsibilities. Additionally, it highlights the necessity for aging parents to plan for their future, manage legal arrangements, and engage socially to combat loneliness.

1. How To Deal With Aging Parents
When You Live Abroad

3. Every year the number of people embarking on exciting expat assignments
increases. For many expats this excitement is dampened by the loss of family we
leave behind. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it is difficult
to deny the poignancy of saying goodbye to aging parents.
Relationships with family members are crucial in the preservation of self-identity in
expat adults and children -- especially when the culture of the host country is
unfamiliar or confronting. Being able to 'be yourself' with the people who know
you, is a wonderful comfort often available in the company of family members.
Our relationships with family members face constant change. Most of us
remember being dependent on our parents as children, yet independent of them
as adults. What most of us don't consider is that age and illness may result in aging
parents becoming increasingly dependent on us, their adult children. Being an
expat does not change this dynamic.
So how can you maintain relationships and provide support with aging parents
while living on other continents? Every situation will be unique but this list is a
starting point that emphasizes the two most important factors in caring for parents
as an expat: communication and planning.

4. Use the Technology
Distance does not need to be the demise of relationships. Scheduling a weekly Skype call
with parents and grandparents is an ideal way to keep in regular contact. Grandchildren
can share the highlights of their week. Practical issues, like health care treatment plans
and holiday arrangements, can be discussed at length. Family members can remain
actively involved in one another's lives without being physically in the same house.
Take a step back in time
For older people who have not embraced the Internet and mobile telephones,
maintaining contact will take more time, effort and planning. Weekly telephone
conversations, cards on birthdays and special events, letters with photos and drawings
from grandchildren, holiday postcards -- all signal to parents/grandparents that you are
thinking of them and making the effort to keep in touch.
Holidays
Being able to spend physical time with aging parents is going to depend on distance,
finances, desire and available free time. For many expats, budget cuts to employment
contracts have resulted in the loss of previously funded annual family holidays to the
employee's country of origin. As a result, many families are no longer able to afford
annual trips home to visit aging relatives. Alternative options worth considering include
making plans to visit once every five years; contributing to the cost of parents coming to
visit; or choosing mid-way holiday destinations with both parties sharing the costs of
traveling only half the distance.

5. Appoint a family manager
Family dynamics are complex and the basis for films, books, and mental health problems.
Nevertheless, in every family there is generally one individual with a practical streak that
identifies them as the person everyone turns to in times of family stress. Hopefully they live
close to your parents and are willing to take on the role of family manager. Make sure they are
aware that you will be relying on them for factual information about your parents, should their
independence and health deteriorate. Most importantly ensure that the family manager
knows that you appreciate them and the difficult role they have been allocated.
It is all in the planning
Encourage parents to be proactive in planning for their own aging. Discussion about moving
from the large family home with multiple stairs, a high maintenance garden and impractical
bathroom with spa should happen years before a move is necessitated. Similarly legal
arrangements including appointing a family member power of attorney, writing a living will,
making clear plans for the care of a surviving spouse, and having a current will -- are all tasks
that need to be completed while your parents can express their wishes fully. Remember that
dementia can sneak up slowly and render the person incapable of making their future wishes
known.

6. The Meaning of Life
A significant problem for elderly people is isolation and loneliness. This is the time that their
peers, friends and family members, die or become incapacitated through illness. Social
contact and a life purpose are important to everyone at all stages of life. Ask about who is
actually visiting? Encourage parents to get involved in social clubs, voluntary work, churches,
exercise programs -- things that they have expressed interest in but need a push to join. This
will hopefully propagate new connections and regular social events within their own local
community.
Increase in demand
When a parent does become incapacitated and requires help -- make sure health
professionals have your contact details and know that you want to be part of the care plan,
even though you live in a different country. Your family manager should attend all medical
appointments to support your parents, to provide information, and to brief you about the
outcome.
When you are a single child
For expats who grew up in a one-child family, a sick parent will generally demand that you
make a visit promptly to assess the situation. From then on, request that you be included, via
Skype calls if possible, in all interviews and case conferences with health care professionals to
ensure that you have up-to-date information about the prognosis, treatment plan and short-
term recommendations for your parent. This information is crucial in making your own plans
about future visits.

7. Saying goodbye
Every expat should consider how and when they will go home should a parent become
seriously unwell or die. Do your research on the fastest route you can return home; where
you will access the funds to make this trip; and who will take over the roles you currently fill
in both your personal and professional life while you are away. The death and funeral of a
parent is an unpleasant but inevitable fact that requires planning.
Go easy on yourself
Being a local or distant family carer is stressful. Living in a different country means that you
can't visit to check your parent is receiving adequate care and that services are performing
as expected. Not being able to spend quiet time together with an aging parent can cause
frustration and anxiety that will distract you from your daily life and become an unconscious
source of stress. Take time to also look after yourself, enjoy your life and keep things in
perspective.
Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ana-mcginley/aging-parents-live-
abroad_b_7137858.html