Police are searching for two women who allegedly attacked the victim, leaving her dying in a pool of blood. The women are believed to have choked the victim, poured molten lead in her ear, and struck her with an axe at the victim's home on Saturday, before going to church. Neighbors later found the victim and revived her, and she described the attack before dying of her injuries. The two stepdaughters are still at large, hiding from police.

1. The inverted pyramid I.M. Pei’s glass pyramid at The Louvre
Museum in Paris. Photo courtesy of
http://www.flickr.com/photos/
(and some alternatives)
backfromleave/, licensed under Creative
Commons
@ 2012 Beatrice Motamedi
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2. A story should have a
beginning, a middle
and an end ...
but not necessarily in
that order.
—Jean-Luc
Godard,
French filmmaker
Photo at boingboing.net/Fair Use exemption
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3. Inverted pyramids in science ...
Dodecahedron, inverted
pyramid faces
360 magnets. Each 15-magnet pentagon has a
15-magnet pentagonal pyramid mounted inside
it, pointing inwards. This is an inverted 30-
magnet pentagon unit. Magnet poles are
aligned along the perimeter of each pentagon.
Adjacent pentagons have poles aligned in the
same direction at the edges (as evidenced by
square instead of triangular patterns at the
edges). Photo courtesy of sparr0 at http://
www.flickr.com/photos/sparr0/4267584197/,
licensed under Creative Commons.
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4. Inverted pyramids in business/marketing ...
“The Influence Pyramid,” from Ed Batista:
Executive Coaching and Change Management, at
http://www.edbatista.com/2009/01/influence.html
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5. Inverted pyramids in “The Simpsons” ...
Top photo by Whiskey Media at http://www.screened.com/the-
simpsons/17-28910/cliches/. Photo at right by Vanilla Fire at
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v328/VanillaFire1000/
KentBrockmanMargeontheLam.jpg
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6. Help
much?
graphic from All Voices: Local to Global News, at http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-
news/6122102/image/57826870-inverted-pyramid
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7. Why the inverted pyramid? Try reading this
On Saturday last a shocking and most brutal murder was committed in
Paint Rock Settlement, which, for brutality and fiendishness, surpasses
anything of the kind that we have ever been called upon to chronicle.
It appears that a Mrs. Hicks and her two step-daughters, named
respectively Mary and Kaziah, had for some time lived unpleasantly
together, when the two daughters determined to put her out of the way.
Accordingly, with monstrous intent, they forcibly conveyed their
unfortunate victim to the smokehouse nearby, and commenced a series
of tortures that even the veriest savage would have shrunk back from
and grown hideous at — such was the enormity of their barbarity and
wickedness. They first attempted to strangle their victim to death; but
failing in that, these fiends in human shape bethought themselves a
more refined, as well as expeditious mode of accomplishing their object,
which was to pour melted lead in the ear of their helpless victim, and
then to make assurance doubly sure, these devoted daughters struck
the prostrate and dying woman several blows on the head with an axe.
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8. Uh oh, we’re not finished yet ...
Supposing the old lady dead or dying — having finished the "job" —
these Christian daughters left their mother weltering in her blood and
went to — church. Some of the neighbors soon after coming in, found
Mrs. Hicks in the condition the daughters left her, administered
restoratives and revived her sufficiently to relate the above detailed
facts.
We learn that Mrs. Hicks has since died of her injuries, and that the
murderers are still at large, having secreted themselves so as to
prevent the officers of the law from arresting them. (274 words)
“A Brutal Axe Murder,” taken from the Kingston
Tennessean on July 14, 1867. (Quoted in Reddick,
DeWitt., The Mass Media and the School Newspaper,
Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Publishing Co., 1985, p. 6)
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9. Now try the AP summary lede/inverted pyramid
version
Police are searching for two women who left their stepmother dying in a pool of
blood and headed to church after choking her, pouring lead in her ear, and striking
her on the head with an axe.
The incident occurred on Saturday in Paint Rock Settlement.
The victim, (first name) Hicks, (age), had reportedly been feuding with her two
stepdaughters, named Mary and Kaziah. The two allegedly attacked Hicks in the
smokehouse near their home, where they attempted to strangle her, poured lead
into one of her ears and then struck her several times on the head with an axe.
Neighbors later found Mrs. Hicks in the smokehouse and were able to revive her
while she recounted details of the attack. She later died.
According to the dead woman, the stepdaughters left for church after the attack.
The stepdaughters are still at large and believed to be hiding from police. (153
words)
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10. When the inverted pyramid works well
• Breaking news
• Crime news
• Obituaries (you didn’t begin with Jobs’ birth, but with death)
• On the web
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11. On the Web, the inverted pyramid becomes even more important
since we know from several user studies that users don't scroll, so
they will very frequently be left to read only the top part of an
article. Very interested readers will scroll, and these few motivated
souls will reach the foundation of the pyramid and get the full story
in all its gory detail.
—Jakob Nielsen, new media theorist
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12. Mapping how “visitors” read: a 2009 study
In our new eyetracking study, we recorded how 232 users looked at thousands of Web pages. We found that
users' main reading behavior was fairly consistent across many different sites and tasks. This dominant
reading pattern looks somewhat like an F and has the following three components:
• Users first read in a horizontal movement, usually across the upper part of the content area. This initial
element forms the F's top bar.
• Next, users move down the page a bit and then read across in a second horizontal movement that
typically covers a shorter area than the previous movement. This additional element forms the F's lower
bar.
• Finally, users scan the content's left side in a vertical movement. Sometimes this is a fairly slow and
systematic scan that appears as a solid stripe on an eyetracking heatmap. Other times users move faster,
creating a spottier heatmap. This last element forms the F's stem.
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13. Results
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14. When to go beyond the pyramid
• Most feature stories — organization is great, but you need to engage
• Stories that involve strong voices, vivid people and/or settings
• Stories that point to large/complex issues or problems (cultural, societal,
economic, political)
• Stories that require focus on a sequence, timeline or series of actions
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15. Alternatives to the pyramid
• the martini glass
• the kabob
• the problem + 3 parts/solutions
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16. the martini: facts first, then how we got there
• especially good for stories that include any kind of timeline, for example, a
sports story with a play-by-play; a crime story that describes the deed; a
health story in which someone undergoes an operation; a story about a new
grading policy at your school (how it works)
• also good for service pieces (“how to” do something, e.g., floss your teeth,
drive a car)
• facts first (the glass), then pause and stretch out the sequence of actions
• strong transition or flag to the reader: “Police gave this account” or “You’ll
need to follow these steps” plus words of sequence (“first” “second” “finally”)
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17. the martini: how it looks
same story, new lede
Talk about a good reason to go to confession.
Police are searching for two women who left their stepmother dying in a pool of blood and headed to church after choking
her, pouring lead in her ear, and striking her on the head with an axe.
The incident occurred on Saturday in Paint Rock Settlement, which is located (where).
The victim, (first name) Hicks, had reportedly been feuding with her two stepdaughters, named Mary and Kaziah.
alerts reader to change in story structure
Police gave this chronology of events: first, the stepdaughters allegedly lured Hicks to a smokehouse near their home.
words of sequence (first, then, finally) carry out the chronology
Then they attempted to strangle her. And then they poured lead in one of her ears.
Finally, frustrated that Hicks was still alive, they struck her several times on the head with an axe.
Neighbors later found Mrs. Hicks in the smokehouse and were able to revive her ...
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18. the kabob: also known as the WSJ formula
• begin with an anecdotal or narrative lede
• draw back into a general discussion
• return to the same anecdote/narrative from above
• resume rest of story
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19. How it looks anecdotal/narrative lede (also delayed
ID)
First they choked her, then they poured hot lead in her ear, and then, for good measure, they hit her on the
head several times with an axe.
And then, according to police, Mary and Kaziah Hicks put on their fancy clothes and went to church.
“I’m shocked — they never said a thing,” said Cassiel Chadwick, 62, pastor of the All Saints Church, where
the women worshipped last Saturday, allegedly after murdering their stepmother. a good quote, up high, specifically about
this person/persons
“In fact, we had a nice conversation about the flowers we’re planting in the church garden. I still can’t believe
this happened.”
The shocking murder of a Paint Rock woman is raising concerns about a new breed of young women who
commit violent acts, seemingly without any second thoughts. A recent report by the FBI shows that young
women aged 18 to 25 were responsible for 15 percent of all homicides last year, up from 10 percent in 2010.
Mary and Kaziah Hicks may be part of a disturbing trend that sociologists and psychologists are just
beginning to understand ... nut graf, and now go back to the girls and more details about their heinous crime ...
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20. Another example/kabob-WSJ
• “The Long Arm of Childhood: How Chronic Stress Impacts Oakland Teens in
Body and Mind,” part 1
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21. #3: problem + three causes (or solutions)
• “The Long Arm of Childhood,” part 2
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22. the “dirty dozen” of a news story*
1. The lede.
2. Second graf: gives more detail about the lede, backs up the lede.
3. Best quote. Make sure it relates to the lede and second graf.
4. The “nut graf.” Step back from the immediate details to provide some context. Tell how the current
news fits into the larger picture. Tell what’s been happening lately or elsewhere, so the reader can
answer, “so what?”
5. Summary of what’s to come: flash forward to what will come later in the story.
6. Supporting quotes.
7. Transition, then another supporting quote. Note: avoid using quotes from two people back to back.
Use a transition to separate quotes and get from one paragraph to the next. Each quote should back up
its own transition/topic sentence.
8. Transition, then final supporting quote.
9. Real-time color, anecdotes or examples: good stuff you haven’t used yet.
10. The past: is there additional history that will help your reader understand more about the subject?
Has this sort of thing happened before? How is this time different or similar?
11. The future: wind up the story by looking ahead. What’s next?
12. The kicker: usually a short, high-impact sentence. It may be a poignant anecdote or a telling quote.
It could also be a surprising bit of info that works better here than in the lede, or a next step (an event
that is taking place tomorrow, next week, next year).
*by SF Chronicle reporter Nanette Asimov
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23. How many of the “dirty dozen” can you find?
“The Freedom to Choose Your Pronoun,” Jennifer
Conlin, The New York Times, Friday, Sept. 30
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24. Closing tips
• Keep your paragraphs short and to the point. Underwriting is better and
easier to correct than overwriting.
• If and when you write a longer paragraph, do it intentionally — it should
not be your lede, and it should come at a point in the story when you need
longer sentences/grafs in order to deepen your story and to provide
context and background.
• One idea per paragraph. Don’t be simplistic, but do exercise control
• Use words of transition
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25. words of transition
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