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ACKNOWLEDGMENT
“Inherently, each one of us has the substance within to achieve whatever our goals
and dreams define. What is missing from each of us is the training, education,
knowledge, and insight to use what we already have.” -- Mark Twain
I am happy to write about this topic, which is about helping others. I was also a commenter
for this topic since my early book was about “Self Help 2.0”, it’s only after listening to Simon
Sinek that I realized that we are all self-centered. Leave the others even though I was self-
centered and coming out of this and helping others was my intention in writing this book.
I wanted to add further that this topic means a lot to me personally as I had to look internally
and see have I done something remarkable, or I am like others. Obviously, the second one
holds good of me since my contributions are not that great.
Hence, to get there is what I need to do and what have I done differently which made me
reach the other side is this book all about. Here I am sharing my experience so you need
not travel the same path which I had traveled to understand things. There is an option now
for you to choose from.
Understand that there are no shortcuts in life, what I am sharing are the paths you need not
travel during your journey. But the choice is always yours.
“Self-discipline begins with the mastery of your thoughts. If you don't control what
you think, you can't control what you do. Simply, self-discipline enables you to think
first and act afterward.”– Napoleon Hill, American author (1883-1970)
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This book is quite a soul searching and if any way I had hurt, unknowingly any of your
sentiments or religion or any other customs I would like to render my sincere apologies.
How to go about this book is that you need to find inner peace, understand yourself better,
understand what is that you will do and then deliver with utmost faith and respect.
I would like to piggyback from earlier books and share some examples I feel are relevant
and can be applied in this context. Knowledge is power, knowing and applying this is self-
empowerment.
I hope I had made things clear. I am thankful for all my readers and to my family and my
siblings instrumental in helping me create this book. My sincere thanks to the various
authors‘ whom I consider my first line of the impression in writing this book.
“Be like a postage stamp-stick to one thing until you get there.” —Josh Billings
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INDEX
1. Do Things for Others
2. 7 Scientific Benefits of Helping Others
3. Living a Conscious Life
4. Law of Giving and Receiving
5. Law of Karma or Cause and Effects
6. Fulfillment
7. Stop Spending So Much Time In Your Head
8. Happiness Habits
9. Gratitude Tool Box
10.10:10:10 Tool Box
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Do things for others
Helping others is not only good for them and a good thing to do, but it also makes us
happier and healthier too. Giving also connects us to others, creating stronger
communities and helping to build a happier society for everyone. And it’s not all about
money - we can also give our time, ideas and energy. So if you want to feel good, do good!
Why Helping Others Matter:
Doing things for others - whether small, unplanned acts or regular volunteering - is a powerful
way to boost our own happiness and those around us. The people we help may be strangers,
family, friends, colleagues or neighbors. They can be old or young, nearby or far away.
“Giving isn’t just about money, so you need not be rich. Giving to others can be as simple as
a single kind word, a smile, or a thoughtful gesture. It can include giving time, care, skills,
thought, or attention. Sometimes these mean as much, if not more, than financial gifts.”
Scientific studies show that helping others boosts happiness.
[1] It increases life satisfaction, provides a sense of meaning, increases feelings of
competence, improves our mood and reduced stress. It can help to take our minds off our
own troubles too.
[2] Kindness towards others is the glue that connects individual happiness with the wider
community and societal wellbeing. Giving to others helps us connect with people and meets
one of our basic human needs - relatedness.
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[3] Kindness and caring also seem to be contagious. When we see someone do something
kind or thoughtful, or we are on the receiving end of kindness, it inspires us to be kinder
ourselves.
[4] In this way, kindness spreads from one person to the next, influencing the behavior of
people who never saw the original act.
[5] Kindness really is the key to creating a happier, more trusting local community.
Happiness and Helping:
Science shows that there are strong associations between happiness and helping others.
First, happiness helps to help. Happy people are more likely to be interested in or be
inclined towards helping others. They are more likely to have recently performed acts of
kindness or spent a greater percentage of their time or money helping others.
There appears to be a relationship between happiness and helping others at every age:
Pre-school children who displayed empathy were more likely to have happy moods.
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High school students who said they experienced intense positive feelings were more likely
to be involved in community service activities such as volunteering.
Working adults who were happier at work were more likely to help others
Volunteering has also been related to many benefits for senior citizens, including greater
happiness and life satisfaction.
Volunteering is also related to increased happiness irrespective of the socio-economic
situation of the volunteer. What's more, people who give a proportion of their monthly
income to charitable causes or spent it on gifts for others were found to be happier than
people who did not spend on others, and this was regardless of income level.
The Benefit of Helping Others:
1. Helping increases happiness
While it has long been assumed that giving also leads to greater happiness, this has
only recently started to be scientifically proven. For example, when participants in a
study did five new acts of kindness on one day per week over a six-week period (even
if each act was small) they experienced an increase in well-being, compared to control
groups.
In another study, participants who were given $5 or $20 to spend on others or donate to
charity experienced greater happiness than people given the same amount to spend on
themselves. Interestingly, the amount of money did not affect the level of happiness
generated.
And there is no evidence that this leads to a virtuous circle - happiness makes us give
more, and giving makes us happier, which leads to a greater tendency to give and so
on. This effect is consistent across different cultures.
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It makes sense that helping others contributes to our own happiness. Scientists are
reconsidering the idea of the 'selfish gene' and are exploring the evolution of altruism,
cooperation, compassion, and kindness. Human beings are highly social creatures and
have evolved as a species living with others.
If people are altruistic, they are more likely to be liked and so build social connections
and stronger and more supportive social networks, which leads to increased feelings
of happiness and wellbeing. Indeed, participating in shared tasks like community
service, and other social activities, predicts how satisfied people are even after other
factors are taken into account.
2. Giving feels good
Giving literally feels good. In a study of over 1,700 women volunteers, scientists
described the experience of a 'helpers' high'. This was the euphoric feeling, followed
by a longer period of calm, experienced by many of the volunteers after helping. These
sensations result from the release of endorphins and are followed by a longer-lasting
period of improved emotional well-being and a sense of self-worth, feelings that in turn
reduce stress and improve the health of the helper.
It used to be thought that human beings only did things when they got something in
return. How then could we explain people who did kind acts or donated money
anonymously? Studies of the brain now show that when we give money to good causes,
the same parts of the brain light up as if we were receiving money ourselves (or
responding to other pleasurable stimuli such as food, money or sex)!
Giving to others activates the reward centers of our brains which make us feel good and
so encourages us to do more of the same. Giving money to a good cause literally feels
as good as receiving it, especially if the donations are voluntary.
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3. Giving does your good
Giving help has a stronger association with mental health than receiving it. Studies have
shown that volunteers have fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety and they feel
more hopeful. It is also related to feeling good about oneself. It can serve to distract
people from dwelling on their own problems and be grateful for what they have. [20]
Volunteering is also associated with psychological wellbeing.
Giving may increase how long we live. Studies of older people show that those who give
support to others live longer than those who don't. This included support to friends,
relatives, and neighbors and emotional support to their spouse. In contrast, receiving
support did not influence living longer.
Volunteering also appeared to predict maintenance of cognitive functioning in a study
of 2,500 people in their 70's who were followed in a study lasting 8 years. Other studies
have shown that amongst teenagers, volunteering has been associated with improved
self-esteem, reduction in anti-social or problem behaviors and school truancy,
improved attitudes to school and increased educational achievement.
Whilst unpicking the benefits of volunteering from other factors can be hard, such as
volunteers being healthier in the first place and so abler to volunteer. The wealth of
evidence does suggest some relationship and it may be that volunteering is one
intentional activity that people can engage in as a strategy to increase wellbeing and
maintain optimal cognitive functioning in old age.
Helping: A Caveat:
Helping is associated with increased happiness and health, but feeling burdened by it
can be detrimental, such as in the case of long-term careers. There is evidence that
whilst giving for pleasure is associated with higher self-esteem, life satisfaction, and
positive feelings, giving under pressure is not. There are times when we need to give
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because it is the compassionate response and the right thing to do, such as in times of
crisis or need.
However, as a general rule, we should try to match our giving activities to things that
we find inherently enjoyable, in line with our own goals and feel are worthwhile for
ourselves as well as the recipient. If we are happy givers, the recipients will probably
benefit more and we are more likely to continue to give.
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7 Scientific Benefits of Helping Others
Volunteering your time, money, or energy to help others doesn’t just make the world
better—it also makes you better. Studies indicate that the very act of giving back to the
community boosts your happiness, health, and sense of well-being. Here are seven
scientific benefits of lending a hand to those in need.
1. HELPING OTHERS CAN HELP YOU LIVE LONGER.
Want to extend your lifespan? Think about regularly assisting at a soup kitchen or coaching
a basketball team at an at-risk high school. Research has shown that these kinds of activities
can improve health in ways that can lengthen your lifespan—volunteers show an improved
ability to manage stress and stave off disease as well as reduced rates of depression and
an increased sense of life satisfaction—when they were performed on a regular basis. This
might be because volunteering alleviates loneliness and enhances our social lives—factors
that can significantly affect our long-term health.
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2. ALTRUISM IS CONTAGIOUS.
When one person performs a good deed, it causes a chain reaction of other altruistic acts.
One study found that people are more likely to perform feats of generosity after observing
another do the same. This effect can ripple throughout the community, inspiring dozens of
individuals to make a difference.
3. HELPING OTHERS MAKES US HAPPY.
One team of sociologists tracked 2000 people over a five-year period and found that
Americans who described themselves as “very happy” volunteered at least 5.8 hours per
month. This heightened sense of well-being might be the byproduct of being more
physically active as a result of volunteering, or because it makes us more socially active.
Researchers also think that giving back might give individuals a mental boost by providing
them with a neurochemical sense of reward.
4. HELPING OTHERS MAY HELP WITH CHRONIC PAIN.
According to one study, people who suffered from chronic pain tried working as peer
volunteers. As a result, they experienced a reduction in their own symptoms.
5. HELPING OTHERS LOWERS BLOOD PRESSURE.
If you’re at risk for heart problems, your doctor has probably told you to cut back on red
meat or the hours at your stressful job. However, you should also consider adding
something to your routine: a regular volunteer schedule. One piece of research showed
that older individuals who volunteered for at least 200 hours a year decreased their risk of
hypertension by a whopping 40 percent. This could possibly be because they were
provided with more social opportunities, which help relieve loneliness and the stress that
often accompanies it.
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6. HELPING OTHERS PROMOTES POSITIVE BEHAVIORS IN TEENS.
According to sociologists, teenagers who volunteer have better grades and self-image.
7. HELPING OTHERS GIVES US A SENSE OF PURPOSE AND SATISFACTION.
Looking for more meaning in your day-to-day existence? Studies show that volunteering
enhances an individual’s overall sense of purpose and identity—particularly if they no
longer hold a life-defining role like “worker” or “parent.”
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Living a Conscious Life
You are NOT what you think you are. But what you think --- YOU ARE! -- Dr.Norman
Vincent Peale
Conscious Living. These two words have infiltrated the world in recent years. What does
it really mean to live consciously? For many, “conscious living” brings up a sense of
community, like-minded individuals, or perhaps a feeling of peace and power. For others,
“conscious living” is about “tree-huggers,” chanting and Whole Foods.
Although I consider myself a fan of “conscious living,” I never stopped to define it “consciously.”
What is it to be conscious? Essentially, being “conscious” is about
bringing AWARENESS to every aspect of your life — inside and out. Think about it. How
many opportunities are there to bring “consciousness” to? There are literally thousands of
big and little things to bring our full attention to, or not.
• We can consciously evaluate each area of life, such as our health, finances,
relationships, fun, our environment, and our spirituality.
• We can be conscious of our thoughts and beliefs that are shaping our lives. Beliefs
about ourselves, others, politics, the media, and the world. Beliefs about what is
good and what is bad. Thoughts that are true or untrue in reality.
• We can be conscious of our choices. What do you say “yes” to? What do you say
“no” to? Will you work out today? Eat healthfully? Break the law or follow the law?
Be considerate or rude? What will you focus on today? Is the glass half-full or half-
empty?
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• We can be conscious about setting goals and influencing the quality of our lives.
What are your dreams? What are you really committed to? Who do you want to
spend time with? Are you moving toward your goals?
• We can be conscious during activities – talking, eating, working out, having sex,
cleaning, sailing, driving, cooking, showering, walking the dog or reading.
• We can be conscious of our authentic selves. Our strengths, weaknesses, and
personality tendencies. Our desires. Our level of happiness. Our passions.
• We can be conscious of being conscious. Noticing when we are “present to life”
or “checked out.” When all of our senses are engaged, or when we are numb.
WHY get more “conscious”?
The more “consciousness” one brings to any aspect of life, the greater the power there is.
Power to make a positive change or influence an outcome. Power to experience a deeper
level of fulfillment and joy. Power to be more authentically expressive. Power to create and
choose.
Everything starts with consciousness. Where there is consciousness there is power.
Where there is a lack of consciousness, we live our lives out of conditioned habit and
impulses — which may or may not serve our highest potential and happiness. There is so
much to pay attention to in life, it is easy to go on “autopilot,” to go unconscious. Our minds
are set up to help us multitask in this world.
Unfortunately, where ever we are on autopilot, we’re not consciously directing our lives.
Let’s say you want to improve your relationship, health or financial situation. Obviously,
without a minimal level of consciousness, we might not even notice we want to improve that
area — or that we’re even unhappy. Once conscious, we can get honest with ourselves.
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What is the current state of our relationship, health or financial situation? And, perhaps
even more important, what is it that YOU want?
From here, we can expand our knowledge (consciousness) of what could improve our
relationship, health or financial situation, or move us toward our desired outcome.
Conscious actions follow. We read a book about relationships, choose healthy foods at the
grocery store or focus on increasing profits or sales. Consciously noticing if what we’re
doing is working or not helps us fine-tune our focus. There is consciousness every step of
the way.
How conscious are you?
If you’re reading a newsletter named Soulfully Living, you’re probably more conscious
than the average human being. There are likely aspects of your life where you are
VERY conscious. Maybe it’s your health, and you’re keenly aware of what and how much
you eat, and how frequently you work out. Maybe it’s your finances, and you work with a
financial planner, consciously save, invest for retirement, and spend within your budget.
Maybe it’s your relationship, and you’ve attended workshops, read books and consciously
make a point to remind your partner of how much you appreciate them each day. Maybe
you’re conscious about the environment and have made choices to recycle, drive a Hybrid
and not litter. And, likely you are conscious of your authentic SELF — your likes, dislikes,
desires, fears, and wounds?
Since there are so many aspects of life to be conscious of, there are probably a few areas
that you’ve simply not paid attention to or activities where you habitually go on auto-pilot.
That’s okay. I’m not suggesting we’re 100% conscious of everything, 100% of the time.
However, where we want to attract more power, greater self-expression, and deeper
fulfillment — consciousness is a fabulous tool.
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Where do you go unconscious?
I notice when I’m bored with a situation or when I think I already know the answer, I tend
to go unconscious. Historically, I’ve gone in and out of consciousness around money and
finances. Gulp. Interestingly, when I focus on money, this area thrives. When I neglect it,
it’s less fruitful. Hmmm. When I’m caught up in my mind, fixated on less than empowering
thoughts, I’m less conscious.
In the last few years, I decided to bring consciousness to the subject matter and, learn about
governmental issues so that I am capable of making more conscious choices at voting time.
Is there a particular area of your life where you go unconscious? Health issues, finances,
relationships, organization, or spending time with friends. Where are you ready to expand
your consciousness?
Consciousness – The Never-Ending Journey. Waking up to life is a constantly evolving
process. We don’t just decide to “live consciously” and we’re set. In fact, the more one
investigates consciousness and lack thereof, the more one may realize just how many areas
aren’t fully conscious. Take it one moment at a time.
Expanding Consciousness. Where do we begin if we want to continually expand our
consciousness? There are numerous ways. Here are five simple things you can do right
away.
1. NOW PRACTICES. Pick two activities you do every day, where you are generally less
conscious. Showering, driving to work, emptying the dishwasher, working out, cooking
or walking the dog are a few activities you may choose from. Over the next 90 days,
purposefully bring “consciousness” to this seemingly uneventful activity. I call these
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“NOW Practices.” By practicing “being present to the NOW” during these activities,
you expand consciousness.
2. Explore something you aren’t fully conscious about. Pick a subject. Politics. Healthy
eating. Money. Fitness. Your spiritual beliefs. Photography. Gardening. Making pastries.
Your passions. Having a baby. Being a grandparent. Buying gold or silver. Explore your
subject with curiosity and fervor.
3. Appreciations. Write down 25 things you appreciate about your life each day for the
next 30 days. Expand your consciousness about what is already fabulous in your life.
4. Take the Fulfilling Lives Survey. Assess the factors that influence your fulfillment, then
pick 3 areas to improve over the next 30 days.
5. Thoughts and Beliefs. Write down your predominant thoughts and beliefs throughout
the day, especially the ones that bring suffering or limit you. Consciously select 3 new
thoughts or beliefs that align with one of your top goals.
Enjoy the process. The more I notice life, the better it gets!
“Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard
work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”
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Law of Giving and Receiving
The universe operates through dynamic exchange giving and receiving are different
aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. And in our willingness to give that
which we seek, we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives.
This frail vessel thou emptiest again and again, and fillest it ever with fresh life.
This little flute of a reed thou hast carried over hills and dales, and hast breathed
through it melodies eternally new. Thy infinite gifts come to me only on those very
small hands of mine. Ages pass, and still thou pourest, and still, there is room to
fill. ---- Rabindranath Tagore, Gitanjali
The Law of Giving and Receiving, because the universe operates through dynamic
exchange. Nothing is static. Your body is in dynamic and constant exchange with the body
of the universe; your mind is dynamically interacting with the mind of the cosmos; your
energy is an expression of cosmic energy.
The flow of life is nothing other than the harmonious interaction of all the elements and
forces that structure the field of existence. This harmonious interaction of elements and
forces in your life operates as the Law of Giving. Because your body and your mind and the
universe are in constant and dynamic exchange, stopping the circulation of energy is like
stopping the flow of blood. Whenever blood stops flowing, it begins to clot, to coagulate,
to stagnate. That is why you must give and receive in order to keep wealth and affluence
or anything you want in life circulating in your life.
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The word affluence comes from the root word “affluent”, which means “to flow to”. The
word affluence means “to flow in abundance”. Money is really a symbol of the life energy
we exchange and the life energy we use as a result of the service we provide to the
universe. Another word for money is “currency”, which also reflects the flowing nature of
energy. The word currency comes from the Latin word currere which means “to run” or to
flow.
Therefore, if we stop the circulation of money “if our only intention is to hold on to our
money and hoard it” since it is life energy, we will stop its circulation back into our lives as
well. In order to keep that energy coming to us, we have to keep the energy circulating.
Like a river, money must keep flowing, otherwise, it begins to stagnate, to clog, to suffocate
and strangle its very own life force. Circulation keeps it alive and vital.
Every relationship is one of giving and take. Giving engenders receiving and receiving
engenders giving. What goes up must come down; what goes out must come back. In
reality, receiving is the same thing as giving, because giving and receiving are different
aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. And if you stop the flow of either, you interfere
with nature’s intelligence.
In every seed is the promise of thousands of forests. But the seed must not be hoarded; it
must give its intelligence to the fertile ground. Through its giving, its unseen energy flows
into material manifestation.
The more you give, the more you will receive, because you will keep the abundance of the
universe circulating in your life. In fact, anything that is of value in life only multiplies when
it is given. That which doesn't multiply through giving is neither worth giving nor worth
receiving. If through the act of giving, you feel you have lost something, then the gift is not
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truly given and will not cause an increase. If you give grudgingly, there is no energy
behind that giving.
It is the intention behind your giving and receiving that is the most important thing. The
intention should always be to create happiness for the giver and receiver because
happiness is life-supporting and life-sustaining and therefore generates increase. The
return is directly proportional to the giving when it is unconditional and from the heart.
That is why the act of giving has to be “joyful” the frame of mind has to be one in which you
feel joy in the very act of giving. Then the energy behind the giving increases many times
over.
Practicing the Law of Giving is actually very simple: if you want joy, give joy to others; if
you want love, learn to give love; if you want attention and appreciation, learn to give
attention and appreciation; if you want material affluence, help others to become materially
affluent. In fact, the easiest way to get what you want is to help others get what they want.
This principle works equally well for individuals, corporations, societies, and nations. If
you want to be blessed with all the good things in life, learn to silently bless everyone with
all the good things in life.
Even the thought of giving, the thought of blessing, or a simple prayer has the power to
affect others. This is because our body, reduced to its essential state, is a localized bundle
of energy and information in a universe of energy and information. We are localized
bundles of consciousness in a conscious universe. The word “consciousness” implies more
than just energy and information “it implies energy and information which is alive as
thought”. Therefore we are bundles of thought in a thinking universe. And thought has the
power to transform.
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Life is the eternal dance of consciousness that expresses itself as the dynamic exchange of
impulses of intelligence between microcosm and macrocosm, between the human body
and the universal body, between the human mind and the cosmic mind.
When you learn to give that which you seek, you activate and choreograph the dance with
an exquisite, energetic, and vital movement that constitutes the eternal throb of life.
The best way to put the Law of Giving into operation “to start the whole process of
circulation” is to make a decision that any time you come into contact with anyone, you will
give them something. It doesn't have to be in the form of material things; it could be a
flower, a compliment, or a prayer. In fact, the most powerful forms of giving are non-
material. The gifts of caring, attention, affection, appreciation, and love are some of the
most precious gifts you can give, and they don’t cost you anything.
When you meet someone, you can silently send them a blessing, wishing them happiness,
joy, and laughter. This kind of silent giving is very powerful.
One of the things I was taught as a child, and which I taught my children also, is never to go
to anyone’s house without bringing something never visit anyone without bringing them a
gift. You may say, “How can I give to others when at the moment I don’t have enough
myself?” You can bring a flower. One flower. You can bring a note or a card which says
something about your feelings for the person your revisiting. You can bring a compliment.
You can bring prayer.
Make a decision to give wherever you go, to whomever you see. As long as you’re giving,
you will be receiving. The more you give, the more confidence you will gain in the
miraculous effects of this law. And as you receive more, your ability to give more will also
increase.
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Our true nature is one of affluence and abundance; we are naturally affluent because nature
supports every need and desire. We lack nothing because our essential nature is one of
pure potentiality and infinite possibilities. Therefore, you must know that you are already
inherently affluent, no matter how much or how little money you have, because the source
of all wealth in the field of pure potentiality —it is the consciousness that knows how to fulfill
every need, including joy, love, laughter, peace, harmony, and knowledge. If you seek
these things first not only for yourself but for others’ all else will come to you spontaneously.
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Law of Karma or Cause & Effects
Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind . . . what
we sow is what we reap.
And when we choose actions that bring happiness and success to others, the fruit
of our karma is happiness and success.
Karma is the eternal assertion of human freedom. Our thoughts, our words, and
deeds are the threads of the net which we throw around ourselves.
--- Swami Vivekananda
"Karma" is both action and the consequence of that action; it is cause and effect
simultaneously because every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like
kind. There is nothing unfamiliar about the Law of Karma. Everyone has heard the
expression, “What you sow is what you reap”. Obviously, if we want to create happiness in
our lives, we must learn to sow the seeds of happiness. Therefore, karma implies the action
of conscious choice-making.
You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are
in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinite choice. Some of these
choices are made consciously, while others are made unconsciously. But the best way to
understand and maximize the use of karmic law is to become consciously aware of the
choices we make in every moment.
Whether you like it or not, everything that is happening at this moment is a result of the
choices you’ve made in the past. Unfortunately, a lot of us make choices unconsciously, and
therefore we don’t think they are choices’ and yet, they are.
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If I were to insult you, you would most likely make the choice of being offended. If I were
to pay you a compliment, you would most likely make the choice of being pleased or
flattered. But think about it: it's still a choice.
I could offend you and I could insult you, and you could make the choice of not being
offended. I could pay you a compliment and you could make the choice of not letting that
flatter you either.
In other words, most of us even though we are infinite choice-makers have become
bundles of conditioned reflexes that are constantly being triggered by people and
circumstances into predictable outcomes of behavior. These conditioned reflexes are like
Pavlovian conditioning. Pavlov is famous for demonstrating that if you give a dog something
to eat every time you ring a bell, soon the dog starts to salivate when you just ring the bell
because it has associated one stimulus with the other.
Most of us, as a result of conditioning, have repetitions and predictable responses to the
stimuli in our environment. Our reactions seem to be automatically triggered by people
and circumstances, and we forget that these are still choices that we are making in every
moment of our existence. We are simply making these choices unconsciously.
If you step back for a moment and witness the choices you are making as you make those
choices, then in just this act of witnessing, you take the whole process from the unconscious
realm into the conscious realm. This procedure of conscious choice-making and witnessing
is very empowering.
When you make any choice any choice at all you can ask yourself two things: First of all,
What are the consequences of this choice that I'm making?. In your heart, you will
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immediately know what these are. Secondly, “Will this choice that I’m making now bring
happiness to me and to those around me?” If the answer is yes, then go ahead with that
choice. If the answer is no, if that choice brings distress either to you or to those around
you, then don’t make that choice. It’s as simple as that.
There is only one choice, out of the infinity of choices available in every second, that will
create happiness for you as well as for those around you. And when you make that one
choice, it will result in a form of behavior that is called spontaneous right action.
Spontaneous right action is the right action at the right moment. Its the right response to
every situation as it happens. Its the action that nourishes you and everyone else who is
influenced by that action.
There is a very interesting mechanism that the universe has to help you make
spontaneously correct choices. The mechanism has to do with sensations in your body.
Your body experiences two kinds of sensations: one is a sensation of comfort, the other is
a sensation of discomfort. At the moment you consciously make a choice, pay attention to
your body and ask your body, “If I make this choice, what happens?” If your body sends a
message of comfort, that’s the right choice. If your body sends a message of discomfort,
then it's not the appropriate choice.
For some people, the message of comfort and discomfort is in the area of the solar plexus,
but for most people, its in the area of the heart. Consciously put your attention in the heart
and ask your heart what to do. Then wait for the response “ a physical response in the form
of a sensation. It may be the .faintest level of feeling” but it's there, in your body.
Only the heart knows the correct answer. Most people think the heart is mushy and
sentimental. But it's not. The heart is intuitive; it's holistic, it's contextual, it's relational. It
27
doesn't have a win-lose orientation. It taps into the cosmic computer the field of pure
potentiality, pure knowledge, and infinite organizing power and takes everything into
account. At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that
is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
You can use the Law of Karma to create money and affluence, and the flow of all good things
to you, any time you want. But first, you must become consciously aware that your future is
generated by the choices you are making in every moment of your life. If you do this on a
regular basis, then you are making full use of the Law of Karma. The more you bring your
choices into the level of your conscious awareness, the more you will make those choices
which are spontaneously correct , both for you and those around you.
What about past karma and how it is influencing you now? There are three things you can
do about past karma. One is to pay your karmic debts. Most people choose to do that
unconsciously, of course. This may be a choice you make, also. Sometimes there’s a lot of
suffering involved in the payment of those debts, but the Law of Karma says no debt in the
universe ever goes unpaid. There is a perfect accounting system in this universe, and
everything is a constant to and fro exchange of energy.
The second thing you can do is to transmute or transform your karma to a more desirable
experience. This is a very interesting process in which you ask yourself, as you repaying
your karmic debt, “What can I learn from this experience? Why is this happening and what
is the message that the universe is giving to me? How can I make this experience useful to
my fellow human beings?”
By doing this, you look for the seed of opportunity and then tie that seed of opportunity with
your dharma, with your purpose in life, this allows you to transmute the karma to a new
expression.
28
For example, if you break your leg while playing sports, you might ask, “What can I learn
from this experience? What is the message that the universe is giving me?” Perhaps the
message is that you need to slow down and be more careful or attentive to your body the
next time. And if your dharma is to teach others what you know, then by asking, “How can
I make this experience useful to my fellow human beings?” you may decide to share what
you learned by writing a book about playing sports safely. Or you may design a special
shoe or leg support that prevents the kind of injury you experienced.
This way, while paying your karmic debt, you will have also converted the adversity into a
benefit that may bring you wealth and fulfillment. This is the transmutation of your karma
into a positive experience. You haven’ t really gotten rid of your karma, but you are able
to take a karmic episode and create new and positive karma out of it.
For some people, the message of comfort and discomfort is in the area of the solar plexus
but for most people, it's in the area of the heart. Consciously put your attention in the heart
and ask your heart what to do. Then wait for the response “a physical response in the form
of a sensation. It may be the .faintest level of feeling” but it’s there, in your body.
Only the heart knows the correct answer. Most people think the heart is mushy and
sentimental. But it's not. The heart is intuitive; it's holistic, it's contextual, it's relational. It
doesn't’ t have a win-lose orientation. It taps into the cosmic computer “ the field of pure
potentiality, pure knowledge, and infinite organizing power “ and takes everything into
account. At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that
is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
You can use the Law of Karma to create money and affluence, and the flow of all good things
to you, any time you want. But first, you must become consciously aware that your future is
29
generated by the choices you are making in every moment of your life. If you do this on a
regular basis, then you are making full use of the Law of Karma. The more you bring your
choices into the level of your conscious awareness, the more you will make those choices
which are spontaneously correct both for you and those around you.
What about past karma and how it is influencing you now? There are three things you can
do about past karma. One is to pay your karmic debts. Most people choose to do that
unconsciously, of course. This may be a choice you make, also. Sometimes there’s a lot of
suffering involved in the payment of those debts, but the Law of Karma says no debt in the
universe ever goes unpaid. There is a perfect accounting system in this universe, and
everything is a constant “to and fro” exchange of energy.
The third way to deal with karma is to transcend it. To transcend karma is to become
independent of it. The way to transcend karma is to keep experiencing the gap, the Self,
the Spirit. It's like washing a dirty piece of cloth in a stream of water. Every time you wash
it, you take away a few stains. You keep washing it again and again, and each time it gets a
little cleaner. You wash or transcend the seeds of your karma by going into the gap and
coming out again. This, of course, is done through the practice of meditation.
All actions are karmic episodes. Drinking a cup of coffee is a karmic episode. That action
generates memory, and memory has the ability or the potentiality to generate desire. And
desire generates action again. The operational software of your soul is karma, memory,
and desire. Your soul is a bundle of consciousness that has the seeds of karma, memory,
and desire. By becoming conscious of these seeds of manifestation, you become a
conscious generator of reality. By becoming a conscious choice-maker, you begin to
generate actions that are evolutionary for you and for those that are around you. And that’s
all you need to do. As long as karma is evolutionary for both the Self and everyone affected
by the Self then the fruit of karma will be happiness and success.
30
Fulfillment
I hate the whole self-help industry right now because it talks only about me; how can you
be happy, what are the five steps you can follow to be a millionaire, what is seven steps
that you need to get the career that you want, you know me me me meme meme.
What about helping the guy next to you, what are the five steps that you can do to help the
person next to you lose some weight, what are the seven steps that you can follow to help
the person next you find the job they want?
Do you know how we get fulfillment?
You can be happy because you did things at work, you can be proud because you did
things at work, you can be excited because you had a big success at work.
But you know how you feel fulfilled at work when you do something for someone else? It's
the only way we get that feeling, it's the only way we get that feeling you know why the
statistics say that over 90 percent of people don't feel fulfilled by the work they do it's not
because of the job, it's not because of the pay it's not because of the benefits, is because
we don't help each other anymore.
31
We sit in our cubes and we work and anything that we turn to anybody is because we need
something we need to get something and yet we don't put ourselves out there for no other
reason than to help somebody else.
You know generosity is doing something for someone else expecting nothing in
return at no point ever.
I did something for him why won't he help me, it's not an equation it's designed to help you
feel good and mother nature has given us this feeling when we do something for someone
else to encourage us to do it because when we are in groups when we are surrounded by
people who believe what we believe, trust emerges and our very survival and progress
goes up, sex feels good that's why we do it and Mother Nature has provided that it will feel
good so we can do it more so we can procreate that was not an accident right well the same
goes here that sense of fulfillment that we get was designed so that will do it more so not
only will we procreate but will create strong senses of bonds and cultures amongst each
other.
I did a little experiment with them with a homeless person not like on them it's not like
electrodes with them voluntarily helped me because the whole idea of giving right you've
all walk down the street and you've all seen someone begging and you either have or
haven't thrown a few pennies in their cup, when you do you feel good you bought that
feeling that is a legitimate commercial transaction, you know commercial transactions are
defined as the exchange of consideration, there was an exchange of consideration here
you gave money you got the feeling of goodwill, you pay for that feeling if you didn't give
money you either feel nothing or you feel bad you can't feel good by not giving all right
you paid for that feeling so now the question is how is that person encouraging us to give.
32
The joke is, they act like every corporation in the world they talk about themselves me, me,
me, me, me, me, me right like they sit there with their little outdoor advertising little sign
right and it says I'm homeless, I'm hungry, I've got 12 kids, I'm a veteran, god bless they
got it all in they're trying to appeal to somebody the religious vote the veteran vote you
know the child sympathizer surround yourself with lots of pets go for that one too right all
in an attempt to get something from someone takers, not givers right all about me well what
corporations do we've added more RAM we've added more ROM we've added more speed
this one's number one we're the biggest we're the best.
We've been around since 1969 we're better than them we're faster than them we're more
efficient than that one me me me me me me me me me me and so even if we buy their
product guess what man really feel much so I did this little experiment I found a nice
homeless lady on the streets of New York who's willing to help out and I learned that with
her sign which was pretty typical I'm homeless I'm hungry but she makes between 20 and
30 dollars a day for you know for a day's worth of work eight to ten hours of sitting there
selling goodwill 8 to 10 hours she'll make 20 to $30 is considered a good day.
I changed her sign and the new sign made her $40 in two hours and then she left it's one of
the reasons she's homeless is because she's decided that she only needs 20 to 30 dollars a
day to live if she stayed she would have made $150 the point is she made 40 bucks in two
hours where the signs say. “The sign said if you only give once a month please think
of me next time” it has nothing to do with the taker, it has everything to do with the giver,
and what are the objections people give when they don't give, I can't give to everyone, how
do I know that they really need it, and so I address both those concerns “I know you can't
get to everyone, so if you only give once a month my cause is legitimate.”
33
I will still be here when you're ready to give 40 bucks to ours make it about them, not about
you the fact of the matter is 100 percent of customers are people and 100 percent of clients
are people, and 100 percent of employees are people, I don't care how good your product
is I don't care how good your marketing is I don't care how good your design is, if you don't
understand people, you don't understand business.
Do you ever watch “Deadliest Catch” on the Discovery Channel, I'm flipping through
channels one night and Deadliest Catch came on, and on this episode, they were in a huge
storm now for those of you don't know Deadliest Catch they take these crab fishing boats
out in the Bering Sea, which is like terrible, and they put cameras on them, and we watch
right?
The reason that's I guess significant is because, these crab fishermen have I think one of
the top 5 deadliest jobs in the world you know I don't know what the exact number is but
dozens of fishermen die every year doing this we apparently, find that entertaining which
it actually is so they have cameras only on five or six of the ships even though there are
many many me ships that go out fishing every season and they don't really come into
proximity with each other because you know the huge and they usually sabotage each
other and give each other false information because they're all competitors they're all
looking to get the crabs and you know to make sure that they find them somebody else
doesn't and yeah it's business right it's just business.
It's okay we all do the same thing in our own companies and in this one episode this big
huge storm was so violent that they had to bring all the pots which are the big cages that
they catch the crabs and they to bring all the pots back on the boat and wait out the storm
and just by dumb luck one of the boats that had cameras on it was in proximity of a boat
that didn't have cameras on it and so they filmed they had secured all their pots on the deck
34
and so they started filming the other boat and they filmed a guy climbing on the outside of
the cage securing the pots and all of a sudden a huge wave hits the side of the boat and the
guy's not there anymore and the people on the boat with the cameras start screaming Man
Overboard Man Overboard Man Overboard and they turned our boat towards where they
think he might be he's a stranger they don't know him they don't know the crew members
of the other boat and yet they react and they turned towards him and they find him in the
drink and for those of you don't understand how dangerous this is if the water is so cold that
if you're in the water for I think that it's a minute or a minute thirty hypothermia will set in
and you die and they come upon him and he's screaming don't let me die don't let me die
and they pull him on board not out of the woods yet they strip off his clothes because it's
wet and cold and they wrapped blankets around him to prevent hyperthermia from setting
him and he survives and it's overwhelming and the captain comes down and this is go long
give me you can go watch it on TV the camera comes the captain comes down and he hugs
this stranger this young man his competitor he hugs this guy's if he's his own son, I lost it
everybody is crying and you realize what happened here was a human interaction and the
reason they risk their own lives to help this other person even though they spend every
other day trying to get ahead and sabotage is because at the end of the day they're all crab
fishermen and they know something about each other and they know something about the
risk that they all take to do this and when push comes to shove they will put themselves out
there to help each other for no other reason than they get it they're one of the same I will
promise you that every single member of that crew that day went home with a feeling of
fulfillment I promise you that every single person on that crew that day felt more good in
their hearts and in their jobs than the richest day they've ever pulled in my question is is
what are you doing to help the person next to you don't you want to wake up and go to work
35
for the only reason that you can do something good for someone else when you want them
to do that for you
36
Stop Spending So Much Time In Your Head
I know something about you without knowing you. I bet you spend A LOT of time in your
head. You know, thinking, worrying, stressing, freaking out — call it whatever you want. I
call it a preoccupied mind. And with what?
99% of your thoughts are useless. William James put it best:
“A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.”
All my life I’ve been obsessed with practical things. Practical philosophy, practical
knowledge, practical books, practical work, and practical advice.
37
That idea comes from Pragmatism, a philosophical tradition that started in the 19th century
in America. Charles Sanders Peirce, who was a Harvard professor, is considered as the
“father of Pragmatism.”
But it was William James, a trained physician turned philosopher, who really defined the
philosophy.
About thoughts, worry, and stress, William James says:
“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over
another.”
Pragmatism believes that the mind is a tool. Your mind should work for you, not against
you. People who don’t master their mind, don’t believe it’s possible.
They say: “I can’t help but thinking these things.”
Well, you can with enough practice. It’s a skill.
In other words: You have the ability to decide what you think. Or, you can choose NOT to
think.
And that is one of the most important and most practical things you can learn in life. Before
I learned that skill, I would spend hours and hours inside my head.
Just think about how much you think.
“I wonder what my boss thinks?”
“What happens if I screw up and lose my job?”
“Does she love me?”
“I think he doesn’t care about me.”
“I just keep failing.”
“Why does my life suck?”
“Why is my life awesome, and other people’s lives are not?”
38
“What if I get cancer?”
“I don’t care about my job. Is there something wrong with me?”
“I can’t finish anything. What’s wrong with me?”
And the list goes on. That is all REAL shit. That’s stuff people tell me when I ask them what
they worry about.
You know what those thoughts do to you? Guilt, anger, suffering.
I just have one question for you: What’s the practical use of your thoughts?
Yes? I’m waiting. Still no answer? Exactly.
Thoughts have no use. 99% of them that is.
Which thoughts are useful?
Thinking about how you can solve problems. A problem is just an unanswered question.
Put your brain to use and think about how you can solve problems. There are a lot of those
on this earth.
Understanding knowledge. That mean this: Try to internalize knowledge and think about
how you can use that knowledge to improve your life, career, work, relationships, etc.
That’s it. You can ignore every other thought.
If you’re constantly thinking, it’s because you haven’t’ trained your mind yet. You HAVE to
get out of your head.
If not, you go mental. Everyone will. No exception.
Also, you’re probably thinking so much that you’re missing out of life. Did you notice the
sunshine this morning when you woke up? Or the raindrops? Did you notice the smell of
your coffee?
Did you feel the texture of your cereals?
If your answer is no, you definitely need to get out of your head. Stop thinking and start
feeling.
39
Now, you might think: “How do I train myself to stop thinking useless thoughts?”
Awareness.
That’s where it starts. Every time you start drifting off, become aware of it. Just observe
your brain.
Step outside yourself and just observe the crazy shit you’re thinking about.
Don’t judge. Don’t think you’re stupid. If you do that, you’re thinking again.
No, what you want to do is say this to yourself: “Ah that’s a cute thought.
Now, let’s get back to reality.”
“If you can change your mind, you can change your life.” - William James
Are you back to reality? Do you feel your eyes reading the letters on your screen? Do you
feel your
phone in your hand? Are you thinking about how you’re going to apply this information to
your life?
Great. You’re USING your mind, and it’s not the other way around. Now, keep using that
brain of yours.
Because I’ll tell you this: It’s the most powerful tool on earth.
40
Happiness Habits
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
lies within us.”… Oliver Wendell Holmes
Although happiness is a timeless and universal human quest, only in recent years has
research turned its focus on how happiness can be sustained and increased. Science has
now confirmed that with certain practices we can change the neural pathways of our brain.
Happiness is a set of skills we can learn through practice.
The research proves that happiness is possible through intentional habit changes, more
than circumstantial changes. In fact, only 10% of our happiness is due to our external
circumstances and a full 90% is based on our inner environment, with 50% of our happiness
41
level coming from our genes and as much as 40% being accounted for by our intentional
daily activities and the choices we make.
So, what does this all mean? Putting the 7 habits into daily practice really does affect
our happiness, science says!
“Remember that failure is an event, not a person.” … Zig Zigalar
Habit 1 #Mindfulness
Mindfulness, the ancient practice of focusing non-judgmental awareness on the present
moment, is increasingly recognized in today‘s scientific community as an effective way to
reduce stress, increase self-awareness, enhance emotional intelligence, and effectively
manage painful thoughts and feelings.
42
The mind is highly trainable through various mindfulness practices like meditation,
Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy
(MBCT). Evidence for the efficacy of mindfulness practices in improving psychological
well-being continues to grow. There are now nearly 500 scientific studies on
mindfulness/meditation and the brain in the National Institute of Health‘s PubMed
database.
Anyone can stand to benefit from cultivating the skills of mindfulness — particularly in our
busy modern lifestyles that are often characterized by stress, sleep deprivation,
multitasking and digital distractions.
Habit 2 #Gratitude
Research has found that gratitude can significantly increase your happiness, and protect
you from stress, negativity, anxiety, and depression.
Developing a regular gratitude practice is one of the easiest ways to counter the brain‘s
negativity bias – the tendency to cling to the negative things in our environment. By
intentionally focusing on the good parts of our day, the positivity grows. In fact, it only takes
21 days of writing down three things you are grateful for every day to begin reaping the
benefits. Moral of the story? Count your blessings, daily, it has a measurably positive effect
on our well-being.
Habit 3 #Wednesday Wellness
Happiness is good for your health. And vice versa. A review of hundreds of studies has
found compelling evidence that happier people have better overall health and live longer
than their less happy peers. Anxiety, depression, pessimism and a lack of enjoyment of
43
daily activities have all been found to be associated with higher rates of disease and shorter
lifespans.
What‘s more, if you have a good sense of well-being, it‘s easier to maintain good habits:
Exercising, eating a balanced diet and getting enough sleep, researchers said. People who
have an optimistic mindset may be more likely to engage in healthy behaviors because
they perceive them as helpful in achieving their goals.
Taking care of your physical wellness may well be the most effective instant happiness
booster of all.
Habit 4 #Thoughtful Thursday
Happiness and altruism are intimately linked – doing good is an essential ingredient to
being happy, and happiness helps spur kindness and generosity.
Research suggests that how we spend our time and resources is as important, if not more
important, than the amount of money we make. Giving to others releases endorphins,
activating the parts of our brains that are associated with trust, pleasure, and social
connection. Being altruistic and spending money on others leads to higher levels of
happiness than spending it on oneself. Happiness, in turn, increases the chance that we‘ll
be altruistic in the future, creating a positive feedback loop of generosity and happiness.
As the researchers write, “Policies that promote well-being may help to generate a virtuous
circle, whereby increases in well-being promote altruism that, in turn, increases well-
being. Such a cycle holds the promise of creating a 'sustainable happiness‘ with broad
benefits for altruists, their beneficiaries, and society at large."
44
Habit 5 #Friday Freedom
When Dr. Brené Brown conducted thousands of interviews to discover what lies at the root
of social connection, a thorough analysis of the data revealed what it was: vulnerability. To
be clear, vulnerability does not mean being weak or submissive. To the contrary, it implies
the courage to be your authentic self. The rewards of vulnerability are immeasurable.
When you embrace an authentic and vulnerable stance to life, people will meet you there
in that openness, allowing you to experience true connection.
Forgiveness is a byproduct of living authentically and vulnerably. Forgiveness doesn‘t
mean tolerance of error but rather a patient encouragement of growth. Practicing
forgiveness doesn‘t only benefit the person we forgive, recent research shows that it has
tangible benefits for ourselves as well. So the next time you‘re holding a grudge, try letting
it go for your own happiness!
Habit 6 #Saturday Social
Our busy lives often leave us stretched for time to connect with others, but science suggests
that social connection should be tops on our to-do lists. Dr. Emma Seppala from Stanford‘s
Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE) says that when
connection with others is present, it can boost mental and physical health, and even
increase immunity and longevity.
Relatedly, happiness is collective. Our happiness depends on the happiness of those we
are connected to. Science shows that through practicing happiness, we make those we
come into contact with happier. In other words, happiness is contagious! This extends to
the 3rd degree of contact (a friend of a friend of a friend).
45
Habit 7 #Sunday Soul
Many people tell themselves, “If I work hard, I‘ll be successful. If I‘m successful, I‘ll be
happy.” However, recent discoveries in psychology and neuroscience show that this
formula is backward: Happiness fuels success, not the other way around. In fact, science
has shown that, “The brain at positive is 31% more productive than at negative, neutral or
stressed.” ~Shawn Achor, Harvard
What‘s more, researchers have found that the type of work you do is key: engaging in
meaningful activity is a big indicator of happiness. As Harvard happiness expert Tal Ben
Shahar says, “Happiness lies at the intersection of pleasure and meaning.” In addition to
seeking work imbued with a sense of purpose, scientists have discovered that people
thrive in environments where their strengths are emphasized. If we are actively involved
in trying to reach a goal, or an activity that is challenging but well suited to our skills, we
experience a joyful state or what famous psychologist Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls
“flow.” The experience of flow in both professional and leisure activities leads to increased
positive effect, performance, and commitment to long-term meaningful goals.
46
Gratitude Tool Box
List down relationships you're grateful for/people who have helped significantly.
Make a list of three strength or unique abilities you have:
Write the activities you enjoy the most:
One blessing that you have taken for granted till now
47
10:10:10 Tool Box
10 Minutes of EXERCISE (for the BODY)
10 Minutes of POSITIVE READING (for the MIND)
10 Minutes of MEDITATION (for the SOUL)
48
Bonus Tip
Why Asking for Help Is a Surprisingly Powerful Business Skill
You build connections and get valuable information, even when you don’t get what you ask for
IF WE ARE HONEST with ourselves, we know there are times we need help. We just don’t
want to ask for it. We’re confident we can figure it out. In time.
But here’s the thing. There’s nothing we are going through or trying to figure out that others
haven’t blazed a trail for us already. We just need to ask.
Wayne Baker says, “you never know what people know—or who they know—until you ask.
Asking for help can mean the difference between success and failure.” In All You Have to
Do Is Ask he identifies eight reasons why we don’t or won’t ask. As a result, we leave a lot
of answers, solutions and resources on the table for no good reason. And here are eight no
good reasons:
49
1. We underestimate other people’s willingness and ability to help
2. We over-rely on self-reliance
3. We perceive there to be social costs of seeking help
4. Our work culture lacks psychological safety
5. The systems, procedures, or structure of our organization get in our way
6. We don’t know what to request or how to request it
7. We worry we haven’t earned the privilege of asking for help
8. We fear seeming selfish
That last reason—the fear of seeming selfish—relates to the proverb that it’s better to give
than receive. That’s true. We want to be givers, but that doesn’t make receiving a bad thing.
“There’s no giving without receiving, and there is no receiving without giving. And it’s the
request that starts the wheel turning.”
Baker offers a quick scientific assessment in the book (or online) to determine what style
of asking/giving you tend to choose. And it is a choice. Are you an overgenerous giver, a
selfish taker, a lone wolf, or a giver-requester? These types all represent “choices you can
make about how you want to operate in the world.”
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Bytes
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Conclusion

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Help others

  • 1. 1
  • 2. 2 ACKNOWLEDGMENT “Inherently, each one of us has the substance within to achieve whatever our goals and dreams define. What is missing from each of us is the training, education, knowledge, and insight to use what we already have.” -- Mark Twain I am happy to write about this topic, which is about helping others. I was also a commenter for this topic since my early book was about “Self Help 2.0”, it’s only after listening to Simon Sinek that I realized that we are all self-centered. Leave the others even though I was self- centered and coming out of this and helping others was my intention in writing this book. I wanted to add further that this topic means a lot to me personally as I had to look internally and see have I done something remarkable, or I am like others. Obviously, the second one holds good of me since my contributions are not that great. Hence, to get there is what I need to do and what have I done differently which made me reach the other side is this book all about. Here I am sharing my experience so you need not travel the same path which I had traveled to understand things. There is an option now for you to choose from. Understand that there are no shortcuts in life, what I am sharing are the paths you need not travel during your journey. But the choice is always yours. “Self-discipline begins with the mastery of your thoughts. If you don't control what you think, you can't control what you do. Simply, self-discipline enables you to think first and act afterward.”– Napoleon Hill, American author (1883-1970)
  • 3. 3 This book is quite a soul searching and if any way I had hurt, unknowingly any of your sentiments or religion or any other customs I would like to render my sincere apologies. How to go about this book is that you need to find inner peace, understand yourself better, understand what is that you will do and then deliver with utmost faith and respect. I would like to piggyback from earlier books and share some examples I feel are relevant and can be applied in this context. Knowledge is power, knowing and applying this is self- empowerment. I hope I had made things clear. I am thankful for all my readers and to my family and my siblings instrumental in helping me create this book. My sincere thanks to the various authors‘ whom I consider my first line of the impression in writing this book. “Be like a postage stamp-stick to one thing until you get there.” —Josh Billings
  • 4. 4 INDEX 1. Do Things for Others 2. 7 Scientific Benefits of Helping Others 3. Living a Conscious Life 4. Law of Giving and Receiving 5. Law of Karma or Cause and Effects 6. Fulfillment 7. Stop Spending So Much Time In Your Head 8. Happiness Habits 9. Gratitude Tool Box 10.10:10:10 Tool Box
  • 5. 5 Do things for others Helping others is not only good for them and a good thing to do, but it also makes us happier and healthier too. Giving also connects us to others, creating stronger communities and helping to build a happier society for everyone. And it’s not all about money - we can also give our time, ideas and energy. So if you want to feel good, do good! Why Helping Others Matter: Doing things for others - whether small, unplanned acts or regular volunteering - is a powerful way to boost our own happiness and those around us. The people we help may be strangers, family, friends, colleagues or neighbors. They can be old or young, nearby or far away. “Giving isn’t just about money, so you need not be rich. Giving to others can be as simple as a single kind word, a smile, or a thoughtful gesture. It can include giving time, care, skills, thought, or attention. Sometimes these mean as much, if not more, than financial gifts.” Scientific studies show that helping others boosts happiness. [1] It increases life satisfaction, provides a sense of meaning, increases feelings of competence, improves our mood and reduced stress. It can help to take our minds off our own troubles too. [2] Kindness towards others is the glue that connects individual happiness with the wider community and societal wellbeing. Giving to others helps us connect with people and meets one of our basic human needs - relatedness.
  • 6. 6 [3] Kindness and caring also seem to be contagious. When we see someone do something kind or thoughtful, or we are on the receiving end of kindness, it inspires us to be kinder ourselves. [4] In this way, kindness spreads from one person to the next, influencing the behavior of people who never saw the original act. [5] Kindness really is the key to creating a happier, more trusting local community. Happiness and Helping: Science shows that there are strong associations between happiness and helping others. First, happiness helps to help. Happy people are more likely to be interested in or be inclined towards helping others. They are more likely to have recently performed acts of kindness or spent a greater percentage of their time or money helping others. There appears to be a relationship between happiness and helping others at every age: Pre-school children who displayed empathy were more likely to have happy moods.
  • 7. 7 High school students who said they experienced intense positive feelings were more likely to be involved in community service activities such as volunteering. Working adults who were happier at work were more likely to help others Volunteering has also been related to many benefits for senior citizens, including greater happiness and life satisfaction. Volunteering is also related to increased happiness irrespective of the socio-economic situation of the volunteer. What's more, people who give a proportion of their monthly income to charitable causes or spent it on gifts for others were found to be happier than people who did not spend on others, and this was regardless of income level. The Benefit of Helping Others: 1. Helping increases happiness While it has long been assumed that giving also leads to greater happiness, this has only recently started to be scientifically proven. For example, when participants in a study did five new acts of kindness on one day per week over a six-week period (even if each act was small) they experienced an increase in well-being, compared to control groups. In another study, participants who were given $5 or $20 to spend on others or donate to charity experienced greater happiness than people given the same amount to spend on themselves. Interestingly, the amount of money did not affect the level of happiness generated. And there is no evidence that this leads to a virtuous circle - happiness makes us give more, and giving makes us happier, which leads to a greater tendency to give and so on. This effect is consistent across different cultures.
  • 8. 8 It makes sense that helping others contributes to our own happiness. Scientists are reconsidering the idea of the 'selfish gene' and are exploring the evolution of altruism, cooperation, compassion, and kindness. Human beings are highly social creatures and have evolved as a species living with others. If people are altruistic, they are more likely to be liked and so build social connections and stronger and more supportive social networks, which leads to increased feelings of happiness and wellbeing. Indeed, participating in shared tasks like community service, and other social activities, predicts how satisfied people are even after other factors are taken into account. 2. Giving feels good Giving literally feels good. In a study of over 1,700 women volunteers, scientists described the experience of a 'helpers' high'. This was the euphoric feeling, followed by a longer period of calm, experienced by many of the volunteers after helping. These sensations result from the release of endorphins and are followed by a longer-lasting period of improved emotional well-being and a sense of self-worth, feelings that in turn reduce stress and improve the health of the helper. It used to be thought that human beings only did things when they got something in return. How then could we explain people who did kind acts or donated money anonymously? Studies of the brain now show that when we give money to good causes, the same parts of the brain light up as if we were receiving money ourselves (or responding to other pleasurable stimuli such as food, money or sex)! Giving to others activates the reward centers of our brains which make us feel good and so encourages us to do more of the same. Giving money to a good cause literally feels as good as receiving it, especially if the donations are voluntary.
  • 9. 9 3. Giving does your good Giving help has a stronger association with mental health than receiving it. Studies have shown that volunteers have fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety and they feel more hopeful. It is also related to feeling good about oneself. It can serve to distract people from dwelling on their own problems and be grateful for what they have. [20] Volunteering is also associated with psychological wellbeing. Giving may increase how long we live. Studies of older people show that those who give support to others live longer than those who don't. This included support to friends, relatives, and neighbors and emotional support to their spouse. In contrast, receiving support did not influence living longer. Volunteering also appeared to predict maintenance of cognitive functioning in a study of 2,500 people in their 70's who were followed in a study lasting 8 years. Other studies have shown that amongst teenagers, volunteering has been associated with improved self-esteem, reduction in anti-social or problem behaviors and school truancy, improved attitudes to school and increased educational achievement. Whilst unpicking the benefits of volunteering from other factors can be hard, such as volunteers being healthier in the first place and so abler to volunteer. The wealth of evidence does suggest some relationship and it may be that volunteering is one intentional activity that people can engage in as a strategy to increase wellbeing and maintain optimal cognitive functioning in old age. Helping: A Caveat: Helping is associated with increased happiness and health, but feeling burdened by it can be detrimental, such as in the case of long-term careers. There is evidence that whilst giving for pleasure is associated with higher self-esteem, life satisfaction, and positive feelings, giving under pressure is not. There are times when we need to give
  • 10. 10 because it is the compassionate response and the right thing to do, such as in times of crisis or need. However, as a general rule, we should try to match our giving activities to things that we find inherently enjoyable, in line with our own goals and feel are worthwhile for ourselves as well as the recipient. If we are happy givers, the recipients will probably benefit more and we are more likely to continue to give.
  • 11. 11 7 Scientific Benefits of Helping Others Volunteering your time, money, or energy to help others doesn’t just make the world better—it also makes you better. Studies indicate that the very act of giving back to the community boosts your happiness, health, and sense of well-being. Here are seven scientific benefits of lending a hand to those in need. 1. HELPING OTHERS CAN HELP YOU LIVE LONGER. Want to extend your lifespan? Think about regularly assisting at a soup kitchen or coaching a basketball team at an at-risk high school. Research has shown that these kinds of activities can improve health in ways that can lengthen your lifespan—volunteers show an improved ability to manage stress and stave off disease as well as reduced rates of depression and an increased sense of life satisfaction—when they were performed on a regular basis. This might be because volunteering alleviates loneliness and enhances our social lives—factors that can significantly affect our long-term health.
  • 12. 12 2. ALTRUISM IS CONTAGIOUS. When one person performs a good deed, it causes a chain reaction of other altruistic acts. One study found that people are more likely to perform feats of generosity after observing another do the same. This effect can ripple throughout the community, inspiring dozens of individuals to make a difference. 3. HELPING OTHERS MAKES US HAPPY. One team of sociologists tracked 2000 people over a five-year period and found that Americans who described themselves as “very happy” volunteered at least 5.8 hours per month. This heightened sense of well-being might be the byproduct of being more physically active as a result of volunteering, or because it makes us more socially active. Researchers also think that giving back might give individuals a mental boost by providing them with a neurochemical sense of reward. 4. HELPING OTHERS MAY HELP WITH CHRONIC PAIN. According to one study, people who suffered from chronic pain tried working as peer volunteers. As a result, they experienced a reduction in their own symptoms. 5. HELPING OTHERS LOWERS BLOOD PRESSURE. If you’re at risk for heart problems, your doctor has probably told you to cut back on red meat or the hours at your stressful job. However, you should also consider adding something to your routine: a regular volunteer schedule. One piece of research showed that older individuals who volunteered for at least 200 hours a year decreased their risk of hypertension by a whopping 40 percent. This could possibly be because they were provided with more social opportunities, which help relieve loneliness and the stress that often accompanies it.
  • 13. 13 6. HELPING OTHERS PROMOTES POSITIVE BEHAVIORS IN TEENS. According to sociologists, teenagers who volunteer have better grades and self-image. 7. HELPING OTHERS GIVES US A SENSE OF PURPOSE AND SATISFACTION. Looking for more meaning in your day-to-day existence? Studies show that volunteering enhances an individual’s overall sense of purpose and identity—particularly if they no longer hold a life-defining role like “worker” or “parent.”
  • 14. 14 Living a Conscious Life You are NOT what you think you are. But what you think --- YOU ARE! -- Dr.Norman Vincent Peale Conscious Living. These two words have infiltrated the world in recent years. What does it really mean to live consciously? For many, “conscious living” brings up a sense of community, like-minded individuals, or perhaps a feeling of peace and power. For others, “conscious living” is about “tree-huggers,” chanting and Whole Foods. Although I consider myself a fan of “conscious living,” I never stopped to define it “consciously.” What is it to be conscious? Essentially, being “conscious” is about bringing AWARENESS to every aspect of your life — inside and out. Think about it. How many opportunities are there to bring “consciousness” to? There are literally thousands of big and little things to bring our full attention to, or not. • We can consciously evaluate each area of life, such as our health, finances, relationships, fun, our environment, and our spirituality. • We can be conscious of our thoughts and beliefs that are shaping our lives. Beliefs about ourselves, others, politics, the media, and the world. Beliefs about what is good and what is bad. Thoughts that are true or untrue in reality. • We can be conscious of our choices. What do you say “yes” to? What do you say “no” to? Will you work out today? Eat healthfully? Break the law or follow the law? Be considerate or rude? What will you focus on today? Is the glass half-full or half- empty?
  • 15. 15 • We can be conscious about setting goals and influencing the quality of our lives. What are your dreams? What are you really committed to? Who do you want to spend time with? Are you moving toward your goals? • We can be conscious during activities – talking, eating, working out, having sex, cleaning, sailing, driving, cooking, showering, walking the dog or reading. • We can be conscious of our authentic selves. Our strengths, weaknesses, and personality tendencies. Our desires. Our level of happiness. Our passions. • We can be conscious of being conscious. Noticing when we are “present to life” or “checked out.” When all of our senses are engaged, or when we are numb. WHY get more “conscious”? The more “consciousness” one brings to any aspect of life, the greater the power there is. Power to make a positive change or influence an outcome. Power to experience a deeper level of fulfillment and joy. Power to be more authentically expressive. Power to create and choose. Everything starts with consciousness. Where there is consciousness there is power. Where there is a lack of consciousness, we live our lives out of conditioned habit and impulses — which may or may not serve our highest potential and happiness. There is so much to pay attention to in life, it is easy to go on “autopilot,” to go unconscious. Our minds are set up to help us multitask in this world. Unfortunately, where ever we are on autopilot, we’re not consciously directing our lives. Let’s say you want to improve your relationship, health or financial situation. Obviously, without a minimal level of consciousness, we might not even notice we want to improve that area — or that we’re even unhappy. Once conscious, we can get honest with ourselves.
  • 16. 16 What is the current state of our relationship, health or financial situation? And, perhaps even more important, what is it that YOU want? From here, we can expand our knowledge (consciousness) of what could improve our relationship, health or financial situation, or move us toward our desired outcome. Conscious actions follow. We read a book about relationships, choose healthy foods at the grocery store or focus on increasing profits or sales. Consciously noticing if what we’re doing is working or not helps us fine-tune our focus. There is consciousness every step of the way. How conscious are you? If you’re reading a newsletter named Soulfully Living, you’re probably more conscious than the average human being. There are likely aspects of your life where you are VERY conscious. Maybe it’s your health, and you’re keenly aware of what and how much you eat, and how frequently you work out. Maybe it’s your finances, and you work with a financial planner, consciously save, invest for retirement, and spend within your budget. Maybe it’s your relationship, and you’ve attended workshops, read books and consciously make a point to remind your partner of how much you appreciate them each day. Maybe you’re conscious about the environment and have made choices to recycle, drive a Hybrid and not litter. And, likely you are conscious of your authentic SELF — your likes, dislikes, desires, fears, and wounds? Since there are so many aspects of life to be conscious of, there are probably a few areas that you’ve simply not paid attention to or activities where you habitually go on auto-pilot. That’s okay. I’m not suggesting we’re 100% conscious of everything, 100% of the time. However, where we want to attract more power, greater self-expression, and deeper fulfillment — consciousness is a fabulous tool.
  • 17. 17 Where do you go unconscious? I notice when I’m bored with a situation or when I think I already know the answer, I tend to go unconscious. Historically, I’ve gone in and out of consciousness around money and finances. Gulp. Interestingly, when I focus on money, this area thrives. When I neglect it, it’s less fruitful. Hmmm. When I’m caught up in my mind, fixated on less than empowering thoughts, I’m less conscious. In the last few years, I decided to bring consciousness to the subject matter and, learn about governmental issues so that I am capable of making more conscious choices at voting time. Is there a particular area of your life where you go unconscious? Health issues, finances, relationships, organization, or spending time with friends. Where are you ready to expand your consciousness? Consciousness – The Never-Ending Journey. Waking up to life is a constantly evolving process. We don’t just decide to “live consciously” and we’re set. In fact, the more one investigates consciousness and lack thereof, the more one may realize just how many areas aren’t fully conscious. Take it one moment at a time. Expanding Consciousness. Where do we begin if we want to continually expand our consciousness? There are numerous ways. Here are five simple things you can do right away. 1. NOW PRACTICES. Pick two activities you do every day, where you are generally less conscious. Showering, driving to work, emptying the dishwasher, working out, cooking or walking the dog are a few activities you may choose from. Over the next 90 days, purposefully bring “consciousness” to this seemingly uneventful activity. I call these
  • 18. 18 “NOW Practices.” By practicing “being present to the NOW” during these activities, you expand consciousness. 2. Explore something you aren’t fully conscious about. Pick a subject. Politics. Healthy eating. Money. Fitness. Your spiritual beliefs. Photography. Gardening. Making pastries. Your passions. Having a baby. Being a grandparent. Buying gold or silver. Explore your subject with curiosity and fervor. 3. Appreciations. Write down 25 things you appreciate about your life each day for the next 30 days. Expand your consciousness about what is already fabulous in your life. 4. Take the Fulfilling Lives Survey. Assess the factors that influence your fulfillment, then pick 3 areas to improve over the next 30 days. 5. Thoughts and Beliefs. Write down your predominant thoughts and beliefs throughout the day, especially the ones that bring suffering or limit you. Consciously select 3 new thoughts or beliefs that align with one of your top goals. Enjoy the process. The more I notice life, the better it gets! “Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”
  • 19. 19 Law of Giving and Receiving The universe operates through dynamic exchange giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. And in our willingness to give that which we seek, we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives. This frail vessel thou emptiest again and again, and fillest it ever with fresh life. This little flute of a reed thou hast carried over hills and dales, and hast breathed through it melodies eternally new. Thy infinite gifts come to me only on those very small hands of mine. Ages pass, and still thou pourest, and still, there is room to fill. ---- Rabindranath Tagore, Gitanjali The Law of Giving and Receiving, because the universe operates through dynamic exchange. Nothing is static. Your body is in dynamic and constant exchange with the body of the universe; your mind is dynamically interacting with the mind of the cosmos; your energy is an expression of cosmic energy. The flow of life is nothing other than the harmonious interaction of all the elements and forces that structure the field of existence. This harmonious interaction of elements and forces in your life operates as the Law of Giving. Because your body and your mind and the universe are in constant and dynamic exchange, stopping the circulation of energy is like stopping the flow of blood. Whenever blood stops flowing, it begins to clot, to coagulate, to stagnate. That is why you must give and receive in order to keep wealth and affluence or anything you want in life circulating in your life.
  • 20. 20 The word affluence comes from the root word “affluent”, which means “to flow to”. The word affluence means “to flow in abundance”. Money is really a symbol of the life energy we exchange and the life energy we use as a result of the service we provide to the universe. Another word for money is “currency”, which also reflects the flowing nature of energy. The word currency comes from the Latin word currere which means “to run” or to flow. Therefore, if we stop the circulation of money “if our only intention is to hold on to our money and hoard it” since it is life energy, we will stop its circulation back into our lives as well. In order to keep that energy coming to us, we have to keep the energy circulating. Like a river, money must keep flowing, otherwise, it begins to stagnate, to clog, to suffocate and strangle its very own life force. Circulation keeps it alive and vital. Every relationship is one of giving and take. Giving engenders receiving and receiving engenders giving. What goes up must come down; what goes out must come back. In reality, receiving is the same thing as giving, because giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. And if you stop the flow of either, you interfere with nature’s intelligence. In every seed is the promise of thousands of forests. But the seed must not be hoarded; it must give its intelligence to the fertile ground. Through its giving, its unseen energy flows into material manifestation. The more you give, the more you will receive, because you will keep the abundance of the universe circulating in your life. In fact, anything that is of value in life only multiplies when it is given. That which doesn't multiply through giving is neither worth giving nor worth receiving. If through the act of giving, you feel you have lost something, then the gift is not
  • 21. 21 truly given and will not cause an increase. If you give grudgingly, there is no energy behind that giving. It is the intention behind your giving and receiving that is the most important thing. The intention should always be to create happiness for the giver and receiver because happiness is life-supporting and life-sustaining and therefore generates increase. The return is directly proportional to the giving when it is unconditional and from the heart. That is why the act of giving has to be “joyful” the frame of mind has to be one in which you feel joy in the very act of giving. Then the energy behind the giving increases many times over. Practicing the Law of Giving is actually very simple: if you want joy, give joy to others; if you want love, learn to give love; if you want attention and appreciation, learn to give attention and appreciation; if you want material affluence, help others to become materially affluent. In fact, the easiest way to get what you want is to help others get what they want. This principle works equally well for individuals, corporations, societies, and nations. If you want to be blessed with all the good things in life, learn to silently bless everyone with all the good things in life. Even the thought of giving, the thought of blessing, or a simple prayer has the power to affect others. This is because our body, reduced to its essential state, is a localized bundle of energy and information in a universe of energy and information. We are localized bundles of consciousness in a conscious universe. The word “consciousness” implies more than just energy and information “it implies energy and information which is alive as thought”. Therefore we are bundles of thought in a thinking universe. And thought has the power to transform.
  • 22. 22 Life is the eternal dance of consciousness that expresses itself as the dynamic exchange of impulses of intelligence between microcosm and macrocosm, between the human body and the universal body, between the human mind and the cosmic mind. When you learn to give that which you seek, you activate and choreograph the dance with an exquisite, energetic, and vital movement that constitutes the eternal throb of life. The best way to put the Law of Giving into operation “to start the whole process of circulation” is to make a decision that any time you come into contact with anyone, you will give them something. It doesn't have to be in the form of material things; it could be a flower, a compliment, or a prayer. In fact, the most powerful forms of giving are non- material. The gifts of caring, attention, affection, appreciation, and love are some of the most precious gifts you can give, and they don’t cost you anything. When you meet someone, you can silently send them a blessing, wishing them happiness, joy, and laughter. This kind of silent giving is very powerful. One of the things I was taught as a child, and which I taught my children also, is never to go to anyone’s house without bringing something never visit anyone without bringing them a gift. You may say, “How can I give to others when at the moment I don’t have enough myself?” You can bring a flower. One flower. You can bring a note or a card which says something about your feelings for the person your revisiting. You can bring a compliment. You can bring prayer. Make a decision to give wherever you go, to whomever you see. As long as you’re giving, you will be receiving. The more you give, the more confidence you will gain in the miraculous effects of this law. And as you receive more, your ability to give more will also increase.
  • 23. 23 Our true nature is one of affluence and abundance; we are naturally affluent because nature supports every need and desire. We lack nothing because our essential nature is one of pure potentiality and infinite possibilities. Therefore, you must know that you are already inherently affluent, no matter how much or how little money you have, because the source of all wealth in the field of pure potentiality —it is the consciousness that knows how to fulfill every need, including joy, love, laughter, peace, harmony, and knowledge. If you seek these things first not only for yourself but for others’ all else will come to you spontaneously.
  • 24. 24 Law of Karma or Cause & Effects Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind . . . what we sow is what we reap. And when we choose actions that bring happiness and success to others, the fruit of our karma is happiness and success. Karma is the eternal assertion of human freedom. Our thoughts, our words, and deeds are the threads of the net which we throw around ourselves. --- Swami Vivekananda "Karma" is both action and the consequence of that action; it is cause and effect simultaneously because every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind. There is nothing unfamiliar about the Law of Karma. Everyone has heard the expression, “What you sow is what you reap”. Obviously, if we want to create happiness in our lives, we must learn to sow the seeds of happiness. Therefore, karma implies the action of conscious choice-making. You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinite choice. Some of these choices are made consciously, while others are made unconsciously. But the best way to understand and maximize the use of karmic law is to become consciously aware of the choices we make in every moment. Whether you like it or not, everything that is happening at this moment is a result of the choices you’ve made in the past. Unfortunately, a lot of us make choices unconsciously, and therefore we don’t think they are choices’ and yet, they are.
  • 25. 25 If I were to insult you, you would most likely make the choice of being offended. If I were to pay you a compliment, you would most likely make the choice of being pleased or flattered. But think about it: it's still a choice. I could offend you and I could insult you, and you could make the choice of not being offended. I could pay you a compliment and you could make the choice of not letting that flatter you either. In other words, most of us even though we are infinite choice-makers have become bundles of conditioned reflexes that are constantly being triggered by people and circumstances into predictable outcomes of behavior. These conditioned reflexes are like Pavlovian conditioning. Pavlov is famous for demonstrating that if you give a dog something to eat every time you ring a bell, soon the dog starts to salivate when you just ring the bell because it has associated one stimulus with the other. Most of us, as a result of conditioning, have repetitions and predictable responses to the stimuli in our environment. Our reactions seem to be automatically triggered by people and circumstances, and we forget that these are still choices that we are making in every moment of our existence. We are simply making these choices unconsciously. If you step back for a moment and witness the choices you are making as you make those choices, then in just this act of witnessing, you take the whole process from the unconscious realm into the conscious realm. This procedure of conscious choice-making and witnessing is very empowering. When you make any choice any choice at all you can ask yourself two things: First of all, What are the consequences of this choice that I'm making?. In your heart, you will
  • 26. 26 immediately know what these are. Secondly, “Will this choice that I’m making now bring happiness to me and to those around me?” If the answer is yes, then go ahead with that choice. If the answer is no, if that choice brings distress either to you or to those around you, then don’t make that choice. It’s as simple as that. There is only one choice, out of the infinity of choices available in every second, that will create happiness for you as well as for those around you. And when you make that one choice, it will result in a form of behavior that is called spontaneous right action. Spontaneous right action is the right action at the right moment. Its the right response to every situation as it happens. Its the action that nourishes you and everyone else who is influenced by that action. There is a very interesting mechanism that the universe has to help you make spontaneously correct choices. The mechanism has to do with sensations in your body. Your body experiences two kinds of sensations: one is a sensation of comfort, the other is a sensation of discomfort. At the moment you consciously make a choice, pay attention to your body and ask your body, “If I make this choice, what happens?” If your body sends a message of comfort, that’s the right choice. If your body sends a message of discomfort, then it's not the appropriate choice. For some people, the message of comfort and discomfort is in the area of the solar plexus, but for most people, its in the area of the heart. Consciously put your attention in the heart and ask your heart what to do. Then wait for the response “ a physical response in the form of a sensation. It may be the .faintest level of feeling” but it's there, in your body. Only the heart knows the correct answer. Most people think the heart is mushy and sentimental. But it's not. The heart is intuitive; it's holistic, it's contextual, it's relational. It
  • 27. 27 doesn't have a win-lose orientation. It taps into the cosmic computer the field of pure potentiality, pure knowledge, and infinite organizing power and takes everything into account. At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought. You can use the Law of Karma to create money and affluence, and the flow of all good things to you, any time you want. But first, you must become consciously aware that your future is generated by the choices you are making in every moment of your life. If you do this on a regular basis, then you are making full use of the Law of Karma. The more you bring your choices into the level of your conscious awareness, the more you will make those choices which are spontaneously correct , both for you and those around you. What about past karma and how it is influencing you now? There are three things you can do about past karma. One is to pay your karmic debts. Most people choose to do that unconsciously, of course. This may be a choice you make, also. Sometimes there’s a lot of suffering involved in the payment of those debts, but the Law of Karma says no debt in the universe ever goes unpaid. There is a perfect accounting system in this universe, and everything is a constant to and fro exchange of energy. The second thing you can do is to transmute or transform your karma to a more desirable experience. This is a very interesting process in which you ask yourself, as you repaying your karmic debt, “What can I learn from this experience? Why is this happening and what is the message that the universe is giving to me? How can I make this experience useful to my fellow human beings?” By doing this, you look for the seed of opportunity and then tie that seed of opportunity with your dharma, with your purpose in life, this allows you to transmute the karma to a new expression.
  • 28. 28 For example, if you break your leg while playing sports, you might ask, “What can I learn from this experience? What is the message that the universe is giving me?” Perhaps the message is that you need to slow down and be more careful or attentive to your body the next time. And if your dharma is to teach others what you know, then by asking, “How can I make this experience useful to my fellow human beings?” you may decide to share what you learned by writing a book about playing sports safely. Or you may design a special shoe or leg support that prevents the kind of injury you experienced. This way, while paying your karmic debt, you will have also converted the adversity into a benefit that may bring you wealth and fulfillment. This is the transmutation of your karma into a positive experience. You haven’ t really gotten rid of your karma, but you are able to take a karmic episode and create new and positive karma out of it. For some people, the message of comfort and discomfort is in the area of the solar plexus but for most people, it's in the area of the heart. Consciously put your attention in the heart and ask your heart what to do. Then wait for the response “a physical response in the form of a sensation. It may be the .faintest level of feeling” but it’s there, in your body. Only the heart knows the correct answer. Most people think the heart is mushy and sentimental. But it's not. The heart is intuitive; it's holistic, it's contextual, it's relational. It doesn't’ t have a win-lose orientation. It taps into the cosmic computer “ the field of pure potentiality, pure knowledge, and infinite organizing power “ and takes everything into account. At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought. You can use the Law of Karma to create money and affluence, and the flow of all good things to you, any time you want. But first, you must become consciously aware that your future is
  • 29. 29 generated by the choices you are making in every moment of your life. If you do this on a regular basis, then you are making full use of the Law of Karma. The more you bring your choices into the level of your conscious awareness, the more you will make those choices which are spontaneously correct both for you and those around you. What about past karma and how it is influencing you now? There are three things you can do about past karma. One is to pay your karmic debts. Most people choose to do that unconsciously, of course. This may be a choice you make, also. Sometimes there’s a lot of suffering involved in the payment of those debts, but the Law of Karma says no debt in the universe ever goes unpaid. There is a perfect accounting system in this universe, and everything is a constant “to and fro” exchange of energy. The third way to deal with karma is to transcend it. To transcend karma is to become independent of it. The way to transcend karma is to keep experiencing the gap, the Self, the Spirit. It's like washing a dirty piece of cloth in a stream of water. Every time you wash it, you take away a few stains. You keep washing it again and again, and each time it gets a little cleaner. You wash or transcend the seeds of your karma by going into the gap and coming out again. This, of course, is done through the practice of meditation. All actions are karmic episodes. Drinking a cup of coffee is a karmic episode. That action generates memory, and memory has the ability or the potentiality to generate desire. And desire generates action again. The operational software of your soul is karma, memory, and desire. Your soul is a bundle of consciousness that has the seeds of karma, memory, and desire. By becoming conscious of these seeds of manifestation, you become a conscious generator of reality. By becoming a conscious choice-maker, you begin to generate actions that are evolutionary for you and for those that are around you. And that’s all you need to do. As long as karma is evolutionary for both the Self and everyone affected by the Self then the fruit of karma will be happiness and success.
  • 30. 30 Fulfillment I hate the whole self-help industry right now because it talks only about me; how can you be happy, what are the five steps you can follow to be a millionaire, what is seven steps that you need to get the career that you want, you know me me me meme meme. What about helping the guy next to you, what are the five steps that you can do to help the person next to you lose some weight, what are the seven steps that you can follow to help the person next you find the job they want? Do you know how we get fulfillment? You can be happy because you did things at work, you can be proud because you did things at work, you can be excited because you had a big success at work. But you know how you feel fulfilled at work when you do something for someone else? It's the only way we get that feeling, it's the only way we get that feeling you know why the statistics say that over 90 percent of people don't feel fulfilled by the work they do it's not because of the job, it's not because of the pay it's not because of the benefits, is because we don't help each other anymore.
  • 31. 31 We sit in our cubes and we work and anything that we turn to anybody is because we need something we need to get something and yet we don't put ourselves out there for no other reason than to help somebody else. You know generosity is doing something for someone else expecting nothing in return at no point ever. I did something for him why won't he help me, it's not an equation it's designed to help you feel good and mother nature has given us this feeling when we do something for someone else to encourage us to do it because when we are in groups when we are surrounded by people who believe what we believe, trust emerges and our very survival and progress goes up, sex feels good that's why we do it and Mother Nature has provided that it will feel good so we can do it more so we can procreate that was not an accident right well the same goes here that sense of fulfillment that we get was designed so that will do it more so not only will we procreate but will create strong senses of bonds and cultures amongst each other. I did a little experiment with them with a homeless person not like on them it's not like electrodes with them voluntarily helped me because the whole idea of giving right you've all walk down the street and you've all seen someone begging and you either have or haven't thrown a few pennies in their cup, when you do you feel good you bought that feeling that is a legitimate commercial transaction, you know commercial transactions are defined as the exchange of consideration, there was an exchange of consideration here you gave money you got the feeling of goodwill, you pay for that feeling if you didn't give money you either feel nothing or you feel bad you can't feel good by not giving all right you paid for that feeling so now the question is how is that person encouraging us to give.
  • 32. 32 The joke is, they act like every corporation in the world they talk about themselves me, me, me, me, me, me, me right like they sit there with their little outdoor advertising little sign right and it says I'm homeless, I'm hungry, I've got 12 kids, I'm a veteran, god bless they got it all in they're trying to appeal to somebody the religious vote the veteran vote you know the child sympathizer surround yourself with lots of pets go for that one too right all in an attempt to get something from someone takers, not givers right all about me well what corporations do we've added more RAM we've added more ROM we've added more speed this one's number one we're the biggest we're the best. We've been around since 1969 we're better than them we're faster than them we're more efficient than that one me me me me me me me me me me and so even if we buy their product guess what man really feel much so I did this little experiment I found a nice homeless lady on the streets of New York who's willing to help out and I learned that with her sign which was pretty typical I'm homeless I'm hungry but she makes between 20 and 30 dollars a day for you know for a day's worth of work eight to ten hours of sitting there selling goodwill 8 to 10 hours she'll make 20 to $30 is considered a good day. I changed her sign and the new sign made her $40 in two hours and then she left it's one of the reasons she's homeless is because she's decided that she only needs 20 to 30 dollars a day to live if she stayed she would have made $150 the point is she made 40 bucks in two hours where the signs say. “The sign said if you only give once a month please think of me next time” it has nothing to do with the taker, it has everything to do with the giver, and what are the objections people give when they don't give, I can't give to everyone, how do I know that they really need it, and so I address both those concerns “I know you can't get to everyone, so if you only give once a month my cause is legitimate.”
  • 33. 33 I will still be here when you're ready to give 40 bucks to ours make it about them, not about you the fact of the matter is 100 percent of customers are people and 100 percent of clients are people, and 100 percent of employees are people, I don't care how good your product is I don't care how good your marketing is I don't care how good your design is, if you don't understand people, you don't understand business. Do you ever watch “Deadliest Catch” on the Discovery Channel, I'm flipping through channels one night and Deadliest Catch came on, and on this episode, they were in a huge storm now for those of you don't know Deadliest Catch they take these crab fishing boats out in the Bering Sea, which is like terrible, and they put cameras on them, and we watch right? The reason that's I guess significant is because, these crab fishermen have I think one of the top 5 deadliest jobs in the world you know I don't know what the exact number is but dozens of fishermen die every year doing this we apparently, find that entertaining which it actually is so they have cameras only on five or six of the ships even though there are many many me ships that go out fishing every season and they don't really come into proximity with each other because you know the huge and they usually sabotage each other and give each other false information because they're all competitors they're all looking to get the crabs and you know to make sure that they find them somebody else doesn't and yeah it's business right it's just business. It's okay we all do the same thing in our own companies and in this one episode this big huge storm was so violent that they had to bring all the pots which are the big cages that they catch the crabs and they to bring all the pots back on the boat and wait out the storm and just by dumb luck one of the boats that had cameras on it was in proximity of a boat that didn't have cameras on it and so they filmed they had secured all their pots on the deck
  • 34. 34 and so they started filming the other boat and they filmed a guy climbing on the outside of the cage securing the pots and all of a sudden a huge wave hits the side of the boat and the guy's not there anymore and the people on the boat with the cameras start screaming Man Overboard Man Overboard Man Overboard and they turned our boat towards where they think he might be he's a stranger they don't know him they don't know the crew members of the other boat and yet they react and they turned towards him and they find him in the drink and for those of you don't understand how dangerous this is if the water is so cold that if you're in the water for I think that it's a minute or a minute thirty hypothermia will set in and you die and they come upon him and he's screaming don't let me die don't let me die and they pull him on board not out of the woods yet they strip off his clothes because it's wet and cold and they wrapped blankets around him to prevent hyperthermia from setting him and he survives and it's overwhelming and the captain comes down and this is go long give me you can go watch it on TV the camera comes the captain comes down and he hugs this stranger this young man his competitor he hugs this guy's if he's his own son, I lost it everybody is crying and you realize what happened here was a human interaction and the reason they risk their own lives to help this other person even though they spend every other day trying to get ahead and sabotage is because at the end of the day they're all crab fishermen and they know something about each other and they know something about the risk that they all take to do this and when push comes to shove they will put themselves out there to help each other for no other reason than they get it they're one of the same I will promise you that every single member of that crew that day went home with a feeling of fulfillment I promise you that every single person on that crew that day felt more good in their hearts and in their jobs than the richest day they've ever pulled in my question is is what are you doing to help the person next to you don't you want to wake up and go to work
  • 35. 35 for the only reason that you can do something good for someone else when you want them to do that for you
  • 36. 36 Stop Spending So Much Time In Your Head I know something about you without knowing you. I bet you spend A LOT of time in your head. You know, thinking, worrying, stressing, freaking out — call it whatever you want. I call it a preoccupied mind. And with what? 99% of your thoughts are useless. William James put it best: “A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.” All my life I’ve been obsessed with practical things. Practical philosophy, practical knowledge, practical books, practical work, and practical advice.
  • 37. 37 That idea comes from Pragmatism, a philosophical tradition that started in the 19th century in America. Charles Sanders Peirce, who was a Harvard professor, is considered as the “father of Pragmatism.” But it was William James, a trained physician turned philosopher, who really defined the philosophy. About thoughts, worry, and stress, William James says: “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” Pragmatism believes that the mind is a tool. Your mind should work for you, not against you. People who don’t master their mind, don’t believe it’s possible. They say: “I can’t help but thinking these things.” Well, you can with enough practice. It’s a skill. In other words: You have the ability to decide what you think. Or, you can choose NOT to think. And that is one of the most important and most practical things you can learn in life. Before I learned that skill, I would spend hours and hours inside my head. Just think about how much you think. “I wonder what my boss thinks?” “What happens if I screw up and lose my job?” “Does she love me?” “I think he doesn’t care about me.” “I just keep failing.” “Why does my life suck?” “Why is my life awesome, and other people’s lives are not?”
  • 38. 38 “What if I get cancer?” “I don’t care about my job. Is there something wrong with me?” “I can’t finish anything. What’s wrong with me?” And the list goes on. That is all REAL shit. That’s stuff people tell me when I ask them what they worry about. You know what those thoughts do to you? Guilt, anger, suffering. I just have one question for you: What’s the practical use of your thoughts? Yes? I’m waiting. Still no answer? Exactly. Thoughts have no use. 99% of them that is. Which thoughts are useful? Thinking about how you can solve problems. A problem is just an unanswered question. Put your brain to use and think about how you can solve problems. There are a lot of those on this earth. Understanding knowledge. That mean this: Try to internalize knowledge and think about how you can use that knowledge to improve your life, career, work, relationships, etc. That’s it. You can ignore every other thought. If you’re constantly thinking, it’s because you haven’t’ trained your mind yet. You HAVE to get out of your head. If not, you go mental. Everyone will. No exception. Also, you’re probably thinking so much that you’re missing out of life. Did you notice the sunshine this morning when you woke up? Or the raindrops? Did you notice the smell of your coffee? Did you feel the texture of your cereals? If your answer is no, you definitely need to get out of your head. Stop thinking and start feeling.
  • 39. 39 Now, you might think: “How do I train myself to stop thinking useless thoughts?” Awareness. That’s where it starts. Every time you start drifting off, become aware of it. Just observe your brain. Step outside yourself and just observe the crazy shit you’re thinking about. Don’t judge. Don’t think you’re stupid. If you do that, you’re thinking again. No, what you want to do is say this to yourself: “Ah that’s a cute thought. Now, let’s get back to reality.” “If you can change your mind, you can change your life.” - William James Are you back to reality? Do you feel your eyes reading the letters on your screen? Do you feel your phone in your hand? Are you thinking about how you’re going to apply this information to your life? Great. You’re USING your mind, and it’s not the other way around. Now, keep using that brain of yours. Because I’ll tell you this: It’s the most powerful tool on earth.
  • 40. 40 Happiness Habits “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”… Oliver Wendell Holmes Although happiness is a timeless and universal human quest, only in recent years has research turned its focus on how happiness can be sustained and increased. Science has now confirmed that with certain practices we can change the neural pathways of our brain. Happiness is a set of skills we can learn through practice. The research proves that happiness is possible through intentional habit changes, more than circumstantial changes. In fact, only 10% of our happiness is due to our external circumstances and a full 90% is based on our inner environment, with 50% of our happiness
  • 41. 41 level coming from our genes and as much as 40% being accounted for by our intentional daily activities and the choices we make. So, what does this all mean? Putting the 7 habits into daily practice really does affect our happiness, science says! “Remember that failure is an event, not a person.” … Zig Zigalar Habit 1 #Mindfulness Mindfulness, the ancient practice of focusing non-judgmental awareness on the present moment, is increasingly recognized in today‘s scientific community as an effective way to reduce stress, increase self-awareness, enhance emotional intelligence, and effectively manage painful thoughts and feelings.
  • 42. 42 The mind is highly trainable through various mindfulness practices like meditation, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT). Evidence for the efficacy of mindfulness practices in improving psychological well-being continues to grow. There are now nearly 500 scientific studies on mindfulness/meditation and the brain in the National Institute of Health‘s PubMed database. Anyone can stand to benefit from cultivating the skills of mindfulness — particularly in our busy modern lifestyles that are often characterized by stress, sleep deprivation, multitasking and digital distractions. Habit 2 #Gratitude Research has found that gratitude can significantly increase your happiness, and protect you from stress, negativity, anxiety, and depression. Developing a regular gratitude practice is one of the easiest ways to counter the brain‘s negativity bias – the tendency to cling to the negative things in our environment. By intentionally focusing on the good parts of our day, the positivity grows. In fact, it only takes 21 days of writing down three things you are grateful for every day to begin reaping the benefits. Moral of the story? Count your blessings, daily, it has a measurably positive effect on our well-being. Habit 3 #Wednesday Wellness Happiness is good for your health. And vice versa. A review of hundreds of studies has found compelling evidence that happier people have better overall health and live longer than their less happy peers. Anxiety, depression, pessimism and a lack of enjoyment of
  • 43. 43 daily activities have all been found to be associated with higher rates of disease and shorter lifespans. What‘s more, if you have a good sense of well-being, it‘s easier to maintain good habits: Exercising, eating a balanced diet and getting enough sleep, researchers said. People who have an optimistic mindset may be more likely to engage in healthy behaviors because they perceive them as helpful in achieving their goals. Taking care of your physical wellness may well be the most effective instant happiness booster of all. Habit 4 #Thoughtful Thursday Happiness and altruism are intimately linked – doing good is an essential ingredient to being happy, and happiness helps spur kindness and generosity. Research suggests that how we spend our time and resources is as important, if not more important, than the amount of money we make. Giving to others releases endorphins, activating the parts of our brains that are associated with trust, pleasure, and social connection. Being altruistic and spending money on others leads to higher levels of happiness than spending it on oneself. Happiness, in turn, increases the chance that we‘ll be altruistic in the future, creating a positive feedback loop of generosity and happiness. As the researchers write, “Policies that promote well-being may help to generate a virtuous circle, whereby increases in well-being promote altruism that, in turn, increases well- being. Such a cycle holds the promise of creating a 'sustainable happiness‘ with broad benefits for altruists, their beneficiaries, and society at large."
  • 44. 44 Habit 5 #Friday Freedom When Dr. Brené Brown conducted thousands of interviews to discover what lies at the root of social connection, a thorough analysis of the data revealed what it was: vulnerability. To be clear, vulnerability does not mean being weak or submissive. To the contrary, it implies the courage to be your authentic self. The rewards of vulnerability are immeasurable. When you embrace an authentic and vulnerable stance to life, people will meet you there in that openness, allowing you to experience true connection. Forgiveness is a byproduct of living authentically and vulnerably. Forgiveness doesn‘t mean tolerance of error but rather a patient encouragement of growth. Practicing forgiveness doesn‘t only benefit the person we forgive, recent research shows that it has tangible benefits for ourselves as well. So the next time you‘re holding a grudge, try letting it go for your own happiness! Habit 6 #Saturday Social Our busy lives often leave us stretched for time to connect with others, but science suggests that social connection should be tops on our to-do lists. Dr. Emma Seppala from Stanford‘s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education (CCARE) says that when connection with others is present, it can boost mental and physical health, and even increase immunity and longevity. Relatedly, happiness is collective. Our happiness depends on the happiness of those we are connected to. Science shows that through practicing happiness, we make those we come into contact with happier. In other words, happiness is contagious! This extends to the 3rd degree of contact (a friend of a friend of a friend).
  • 45. 45 Habit 7 #Sunday Soul Many people tell themselves, “If I work hard, I‘ll be successful. If I‘m successful, I‘ll be happy.” However, recent discoveries in psychology and neuroscience show that this formula is backward: Happiness fuels success, not the other way around. In fact, science has shown that, “The brain at positive is 31% more productive than at negative, neutral or stressed.” ~Shawn Achor, Harvard What‘s more, researchers have found that the type of work you do is key: engaging in meaningful activity is a big indicator of happiness. As Harvard happiness expert Tal Ben Shahar says, “Happiness lies at the intersection of pleasure and meaning.” In addition to seeking work imbued with a sense of purpose, scientists have discovered that people thrive in environments where their strengths are emphasized. If we are actively involved in trying to reach a goal, or an activity that is challenging but well suited to our skills, we experience a joyful state or what famous psychologist Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls “flow.” The experience of flow in both professional and leisure activities leads to increased positive effect, performance, and commitment to long-term meaningful goals.
  • 46. 46 Gratitude Tool Box List down relationships you're grateful for/people who have helped significantly. Make a list of three strength or unique abilities you have: Write the activities you enjoy the most: One blessing that you have taken for granted till now
  • 47. 47 10:10:10 Tool Box 10 Minutes of EXERCISE (for the BODY) 10 Minutes of POSITIVE READING (for the MIND) 10 Minutes of MEDITATION (for the SOUL)
  • 48. 48 Bonus Tip Why Asking for Help Is a Surprisingly Powerful Business Skill You build connections and get valuable information, even when you don’t get what you ask for IF WE ARE HONEST with ourselves, we know there are times we need help. We just don’t want to ask for it. We’re confident we can figure it out. In time. But here’s the thing. There’s nothing we are going through or trying to figure out that others haven’t blazed a trail for us already. We just need to ask. Wayne Baker says, “you never know what people know—or who they know—until you ask. Asking for help can mean the difference between success and failure.” In All You Have to Do Is Ask he identifies eight reasons why we don’t or won’t ask. As a result, we leave a lot of answers, solutions and resources on the table for no good reason. And here are eight no good reasons:
  • 49. 49 1. We underestimate other people’s willingness and ability to help 2. We over-rely on self-reliance 3. We perceive there to be social costs of seeking help 4. Our work culture lacks psychological safety 5. The systems, procedures, or structure of our organization get in our way 6. We don’t know what to request or how to request it 7. We worry we haven’t earned the privilege of asking for help 8. We fear seeming selfish That last reason—the fear of seeming selfish—relates to the proverb that it’s better to give than receive. That’s true. We want to be givers, but that doesn’t make receiving a bad thing. “There’s no giving without receiving, and there is no receiving without giving. And it’s the request that starts the wheel turning.” Baker offers a quick scientific assessment in the book (or online) to determine what style of asking/giving you tend to choose. And it is a choice. Are you an overgenerous giver, a selfish taker, a lone wolf, or a giver-requester? These types all represent “choices you can make about how you want to operate in the world.”
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