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FOP384 - "Lame Ducks"
- Timmy's dad starts a neighborhood watch group called the Ducks to catch a burglar who robbed their house. He gives everyone code names like Major Mallard. - They go on a "steak out" at a restaurant but just end up eating steak. Timmy thinks they see the burglar but it's just a man taking out trash. - Dad accuses various townspeople of being the burglar, angering the neighborhood. A mob forms to make the Turners leave town.
FOP384 - "Lame Ducks"
- 2. FOP255sc219wlmartULnight / fop250sc145extdimmsdale EXT - DIMMSDALE, NIGHT
- 3.
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- 5. FOP255sc219wlmartULnight / fop250sc145extdimmsdale EXT- DIMMSDALE MEGAPLEX 32, NIGHT.
- 6.
- 7.
- 8.
- 9. INT - TURNERCAR TIMMY Boy, that detective movie was awesome! FOP362sc161_CityStreet_TurnerCarInterior
- 10. MOM Oh yes,I love Sherlock Homely movies. -- FOP362sc161_CityStreet_TurnerCarInterior
- 11. -- He’s sohomely --
- 12. -- he hasto be smart.
- 13. TIMMY I stillcan’t believe the butler did it.
- 14.
- 15. -- The moviewas about a giant green lizard that destroyed Pough-keepsie.
- 16. MOM You wanderedinto the wrong theatre again, dear.
- 17. COSMO I wanderedinto the wrong theatre, too. --
- 18. -- There washot oil and popping sounds.
- 19. WANDA You wanderedinto the popcorn machine, Cosmo.
- 20. COSMO Ooh, thatexplains the imitation butter ýavoring in my pants. --
- 21. -- I callit butt butter.
- 22.
- 23. -- what happenedto our house?
- 24. EXT - TURNERFRONT DOOR, NIGHT. The nameplate swings back & forth.
- 25. The whole houseis gone! text
- 26.
- 27. The nameplate fallsto the ground. text
- 28.
- 29.
- 30. DAD We've beenrobbed! --
- 32. -- They tookeverything! --
- 33. -- Our furniture,TV... --
- 34. -- even thewalls!
- 35. MOM If wehad a butler --
- 36. -- I’d blamehim.
- 37. Sparky walks inwearing a back brace. TIMMY Sparky, why didn’t you stop the burglar?
- 38. SPARKY I didn'tsee a burglar. --
- 39. -- I wastoo busy helping the mover with the ski mask load all of your stuff --
- 40. -- into hisunmarked van.
- 41. TIMMY That wasthe burglar!
- 43.
- 44.
- 45. -- I thoughtwe were moving somewhere better than this dump. --
- 46. -- This placedoesn’t even have walls!
- 47.
- 48. FOP289sc77fEatenChurro CHET UBETCHA This is Chet Ubetcha --
- 49.
- 50. -- that aburglar --
- 51. -- has beenrobbing houses all over Dimmsdale, --
- 52.
- 53. -- including mymicrophone, --
- 54. -- which iswhy I’m talking into this churro. --
- 55. -- This justin: --
- 56. -- it’s aMexican donut.
- 57. Chet walks out. text
- 58. Chet walks out. text
- 59.
- 60. FOP355sc164_Int_TurnerLivingRoom_TVCouch_OL / FOP346sc008tvScreen/ 182sc135garagestuff Dinkleberg drives in. DINKELBERG Hey, Turners, --
- 61. -- I sawyou were robbed, --
- 62. -- so Itook the liberty of replacing all your worldly possessions. --
- 63. -- I alsobrought you --
- 64. -- this sackof cold hard cash.
- 65. DAD Cold andhard --
- 66.
- 67.
- 68. -- Get offmy lawn, --
- 69. -- you demonwith a human face!
- 70.
- 71.
- 72.
- 73. EXT - TURNERHOUSEHOLD, DAY.
- 74. EXT - TURNERHOUSEHOLD, DAY.
- 75. EXT - TURNERHOUSEHOLD, DAY.
- 76.
- 77. INT - TIMMY’SROOM text
- 78. TIMMY I’m gladthe house is back to normal.
- 79. -- And it’sa good thing --
- 80. -- Mr. Dinkelberggot exact replicas of all my old stuff. --
- 81.
- 82. -- forget theburglary ever happened.
- 83.
- 84.
- 85. -- never forgetthis burglary ever happened!
- 86. -- To catchthe burglar --
- 87. -- I’m startinga neighborhood watch.
- 89.
- 90. -- He tookmy watch! --
- 91. -- This guyis more cunning than I thought.
- 92. TIMMY Dad, youdon’t wear a watch.
- 93. DAD Good detectivework, son. --
- 94. -- I coulduse you on my team.
- 95. TIMMY Dad, you’renot a detective.
- 96. DAD I mightas well be. --
- 97. -- I've seenevery Sherlock Homely movie ever made. --
- 98. -- Well, exceptthe one we just came back from. --
- 99.
- 100. -- I’m callinga neighborhood watch meeting in our living room!
- 101. fop252sc064classroomclock (SFX: CLOCKTICKING SLOWLY)
- 102.
- 103.
- 104. INT - TURNERLIVING ROOM TIMMY Uh, Dad, --
- 105. -- I don’tthink anyone else wants to join your neighborhood watch.
- 106. FOP293Sc058Tumbleweed A tumbleweedrolls through.
- 107.
- 108.
- 109. DAD That’s becausethe burglar --
- 110. -- stole theirsense of justice!
- 111.
- 112.
- 113. -- to joinyour neighborhood watch program.
- 114. TIMMY Were yourobbed too, Mr. Crocker?
- 115.
- 116. -- I’m herecuz I wanna chew the burglar out --
- 117. -- for nottaking Mother. --
- 118. -- I lefther on the porch with a note that said --
- 119.
- 120. -- but nodice. --
- 121.
- 122. -- take mydice.
- 123.
- 124. -- now thatwe’re all here, --
- 125. -- I’m gonnapull out --
- 126.
- 127. FOP348Sc174suitcasewithdollarsign -- ofåcialdetective case. --
- 128.
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- 140.
- 141. -- we’ll needa name that will strike fear --
- 142. -- into everycriminal out there. --
- 143. -- We’ll callourselves --
- 144.
- 145. -- Dimmsdale UndercoverCrime Killer Squad.
- 146.
- 147.
- 148. DAD Of coursewe are. --
- 149. -- Nothing putsmore fear into the heart of thieves --
- 150. -- than duckhats. --
- 151. -- I stolethem from Dinkelberg, so technically --
- 152. -- I'm ourårst suspect.
- 153. DAD From nowon, you will call me by my code name: --
- 155.
- 157. DAD Your codename --
- 158.
- 159.
- 160.
- 161.
- 162. DAD And yourcode name --
- 163.
- 164.
- 165. CROCKER Could Ibe named The Falcon? --
- 166. -- It’s acool name --
- 167. -- and itmight get me a date.
- 168. DAD Falcons havenothing to do with crime. --
- 169. -- Everyone knowsducks are nature’s crime-åghters. --
- 170. -- They ýySouth for the Winter --
- 171. -- To bustperps! --
- 172. DAD Now tocatch a burglar in the act, --
- 173. -- we’ll haveto set up a stakeout.
- 174. EXT - STAKEOUTSTEAKHOUSE, NIGHT. text
- 175. DAD I lovesteak outs! --
- 176. -- Especially withcreamed corn. --
- 177.
- 178. 170sc077steakonplate -- Ilove creamed corn, Timmy.
- 179. 170sc077steakonplate TIMMY Idon't think a stakeout means going out for steak.
- 180. 170sc077steakonplate CROCKER Iworked at a steakhouse once, --
- 181. -- just tosteal the knives. --
- 182.
- 183.
- 184.
- 185. -- I haveto leave soon --
- 186. (CROCKER CUTS STEAK) -- to put mother out for the burglar with a note that says, --
- 187. -- 'Great forpulling your plow.' --
- 188. -- That woman’sgot the cankles of a Clydesdale.
- 189.
- 190. (SFX: OFFSCREEN DOORCREEKING OPEN)
- 191.
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- 194.
- 195. (ALL THREE CHEWING) text
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- 216. DAD (mouth full) This steak out is delicious! --
- 217. -- Once we'redone, --
- 218. -- we shouldreally --
- 219. -- start lookingfor the burglar.
- 221.
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- 224.
- 225. DAD Waiter, couldI get a doggy bag, please?
- 226.
- 227. -- not mytable.
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- 233. FOP243sc135cow1 TIMMY Ithink that was the burglar.
- 234.
- 235. -- To theduck truck, Mr. Quackers! --
- 236.
- 237. -- You too,Lucy Goosey.
- 238.
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- 243.
- 244.
- 245. DAD Floor it,Mr. Quackers.
- 246. CROCKER It’s theFalcon!
- 247. DAD No it’snot!
- 248.
- 249.
- 250.
- 251. (SFX: ENGINE REVVING,WHEELS PEELING OUT)
- 252.
- 254. (DUCK VAN nuhnuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh)
- 255. DAD It’s theburglar! --
- 257. DAD blows hisduck call. (SFX: DUCK CALL)
- 259.
- 260.
- 261.
- 262. Incidental Character Pack- M162 text
- 263. TIMMY That’s justa guy taking out his trash.
- 270. DAD Trust me,Lucy Goosey. --
- 271. -- I havethe mind of a defective.
- 272. TIMMY I thinkyou mean detective.
- 273.
- 274. (SFX: DUDE YELLING.... KLANG!)
- 278.
- 279. -- I thinkhe had it right the årst time.
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- 283.
- 284. Dad looks OS. text
- 285.
- 287.
- 289.
- 290.
- 291. -- Someone’s inold lady Schwimmer’s house.
- 292. TIMMY That’s Mrs.Schwimmer, Dad.
- 293. DAD Which isexactly what the burglar would want us to think.
- 294. 167sc061niceoldladywatercan INT -MRS. SCHWIMMER’S HOUSE. Mrs. Schwimmer is brushing her dentures.
- 295. 167sc061niceoldladywatercan (SFX: DOORSLAMMING OPEN)
- 296. 167sc061niceoldladywatercan DAD You’rebusted, burglar! --
- 297. -- We’re theDUCKS!
- 298. CROCKER I’m theFalcon! --
- 299. -- What areyou doing later?
- 300. DAD Shut yourbeak, Mr. Quackers, --
- 301. -- and patthe suspect down for stolen loot --
- 302. -- while wego for more steak!
- 304. (SFX: OLD WOMANSCREAMS)
- 305. (OLD WOMAN XENABATTLECRY)
- 306. (OLD WOMAN XENABATTLECRY)
- 307. (OLD WOMAN XENABATTLECRY)
- 308. (OLD WOMAN XENABATTLECRY)
- 309.
- 310. (WOMAN’S BATTLECRY, CROCKERYELLING)
- 311. (WOMAN’S BATTLECRY, CROCKERYELLING)
- 312. (WOMAN’S BATTLECRY, CROCKERYELLING)
- 313. -- Why amI always stuck with an old lady?
- 314. -- I swearI attract them like a free bus to Reno.
- 315.
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- 319.
- 320. EXT - TURNERHOUSE, NIGHT text
- 321.
- 322. DAD & CROCKERare looking at a conspiracy theory board. text
- 323. DAD After muchthorough --
- 324. -- and handsomeinvestigating --
- 325. -- in thisduck hat, --
- 326. -- I've concludedthat the burglar is none other than... --
- 327.
- 328. TIMMY Mr. Dinkelberg'sclean. --
- 329. -- Nothing wefound leads to him.
- 330.
- 331. -- Then howdo you explain these stolen duck hats?
- 332. action text TIMMY You stole them from him, Dad.
- 333.
- 334. action text DAD It’s Major Mallard --
- 335. action text --and stop twisting my words. --
- 336. DAD -- Iwill not be a victim of this witch hunt!
- 337. DAD -- Iwill not be a victim of this witch hunt!
- 341. TIMMY Guys, I’mworried about my Dad. --
- 342. -- All hiscrazy detective work is gonna get him into trouble.
- 343. WANDA I wouldn’tworry, Timmy. --
- 345. (SFX: DAD SCRIBBLINGON POSTER)
- 346.
- 347. CROCKER So itis Dinkelberg! --
- 349.
- 350.
- 351. -- gonna goask that lunatic why --
- 352. -- why hedidn’t steal mother.
- 353. DOOR OPEN SUDDENLY. (SFX: ANGRY NOISE WALLA)
- 354. CHET pops inusing an ice cream cone as a microphone. CHET UBETCHA This is Chet Ubetcha --
- 355.
- 356.
- 358. -- Timmy Turner’sDad has harassed half the town, --
- 359. -- causing anangry mob --
- 360. -- to demandthat the Turners leave Dimmsdale forever. -- FOP312sc118angryMOB
- 361. -- In relatednews, the angry mob would’ve brought pitchforks and torches --
- 362. -- but thosewere stolen, too.
- 363.
- 364.
- 365.
- 366.
- 367. CHET (SUGG) Myice cream!
- 370.
- 371. -- I haven'tseen a mob this angry --
- 372. -- since theyran out of powdered donuts at parent/teacher night. --
- 373. -- Well, I'mout of here. --
- 374. -- Time forthe Falcon --
- 375. -- to taketo the sky!
- 377. CROCKER Great, theburglar stole the duck truck. --
- 378.
- 380. (MASSIVE ANGRY DUCKQUACKING)
- 381.
- 382.
- 383.
- 384.
- 386. (ALL DUCKS PECKINGAT DAD) DAD Oh no! --
- 387. -- Even theducks have turned against me! --
- 389. -- No, I’mwrong. --
- 390. -- I justhave creamed corn on my shoes.
- 391. ANGRY MOB GETTIMMY’S DAD! GET TIMMY’S DAD
- 392. DAD <SOBS> I’vefailed Timmy --
- 393. -- Every housein Dimmsdale was robbed --
- 394. -- and Icouldn’t stop it.
- 395. DAD I’m notåt to wear --
- 396. -- this extremelyýattering duck hat. --
- 397. -- Let’s gopack our things --
- 398.
- 399.
- 400. -- leave thistown forever. --
- 401. -- We’ll pickup some steaks on the way out.
- 402. -- We’ll pickup some steaks on the way out.
- 403. -- We’ll pickup some steaks on the way out.
- 404. SPARKY I’m nothungry. --
- 405. -- I atea duck. --
- 406.
- 407. -- let’s blowthis joint.
- 408.
- 409. -- I don'twanna move. --
- 410. -- I haveto ånd a way to help Dad catch this burglar --
- 411. -- and savehis reputation.
- 412. WANDA But how,sport? --
- 413. -- Every housein Dimmsdale has already been robbed.
- 414. TIMMY Then Iwish Dimmsdale had one more house.
- 417.
- 418.
- 419. THE FAIRIES POOFAWAY. -- Timmy, --
- 420. -- looks likeI’m being driven out of town by an angry mob. --
- 421. -- Story ofmy life.
- 422.
- 423. -- you cannotgive up on the DUCKS. --
- 424. -- There’s stillone house that hasn’t been robbed. --
- 425. -- You mightbe able to trap the burglar there!
- 426. DAD I've nevernoticed that house before. --
- 427. -- But Ithink we've realized --
- 428. -- that Idon't really pay attention.
- 429.
- 430.
- 431.
- 432.
- 433.
- 434.
- 435.
- 436. EXT - THENEW HOUSE ON THE BLOCK, NIGHT text
- 437.
- 438. TIMMY This isthe only house left for the burglar to rob, Dad. --
- 439. -- And whenhe shows up --
- 440. -- you’re gonnabe here to stop him.
- 441.
- 442. -- And whenI do, --
- 443. -- I’ll proveto everyone --
- 444. -- that theywere wrong about me. --
- 445.
- 446.
- 447.
- 448.
- 449. -- Let’s dothis, Lucy Goosey!
- 450. TIMMY You gotit, Major Mallard!
- 451.
- 453.
- 454. EXT - NEWHOUSE FRONT DOOR, NIGHT
- 455.
- 456.
- 457.
- 458.
- 459.
- 460.
- 461.
- 462.
- 463. -- We’re thesuper rich Fairymans. --
- 464.
- 465. -- a fancyegg?
- 466.
- 467. -- I gottasay, Mr. Fairyman, --
- 468. -- I likeyour green hair. --
- 469. -- I guesswhen you're rich you can get away with anything.
- 470.
- 471. -- (calling out)We’re super rich! --
- 472. -- Now ifyou’ll excuse me, --
- 474. 133sc123wheelbarrowfront -- Ihave to leave my gold out to dry.
- 475. -- I haveto leave my gold out to dry.
- 476. -- I haveto leave my gold out to dry.
- 477. -- I haveto leave my gold out to dry.
- 478. -- I haveto leave my gold out to dry.
- 479.
- 480.
- 481.
- 482. -- The diamondsare ripe.
- 483. fop232sc172cosmoastree COSMO Thosewill go great in your diamond mango salad. --
- 484. fop232sc172cosmoastree ROBBER popsup from the tree.
- 485. COSMO -- Won’tyou stay for dinner?
- 486.
- 488.
- 489. -- it’s gonnabe hard --
- 490. -- for menot to rob these people.
- 497.
- 498.
- 499. DAD goes toclose the door... text
- 500.
- 501. -- don’t botherclosing the door! --
- 502. -- We richpeople ånd it to be such a hassle!
- 508. DAD I’m gonnadust --
- 509.
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- 537.
- 538. -- aren’t yousupposed to dust for ångerprints and block off crime scenes --
- 539. -- after acrime?
- 541.
- 542. -- I’m thedefective here.
- 543. BURGLAR You sureare.
- 545.
- 547.
- 548.
- 549. DAD -- It’sthe waiter!
- 550. TIMMY Dad, it’sthe burglar!
- 551. WANDA (O.S.) Andhe’s got our wands! --
- 553. WANDA -- Imean, our very expensive salad tongs!
- 554. BURGLAR Thanks toyour loser neighborhood watch, --
- 555. -- robbing thistown --
- 556. -- has beena piece of cake. --
- 557. -- I’m justgonna steal this one last thing --
- 558. -- before Igo have a piece of cake.
- 559.
- 560.
- 561.
- 562.
- 563.
- 564. DAD Listen up,burglar. --
- 565. -- You canrob my house --
- 566. -- and humiliateme in front of the entire town, --
- 567.
- 568. -- nobody stealsmy duck call!
- 569. Fingerprint dust boxfalls out!
- 571.
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- 575.
- 576.
- 577. ROBBER passes out. text
- 578. TIMMY Dad, yoursuper weird detective skills actually paid off!
- 579. DAD That’s becausegood always triumphs over evil. --
- 580. -- Now grabthe diamonds out of that salad --
- 581. -- Now grabthe diamonds out of that salad --
- 582. -- Now grabthe diamonds out of that salad --
- 583. -- and let’sget out of here.
- 584. FOP312sc145angryMOB2 EXT -FAIRYMANS’ HOUSE ANGRY CROWD WALLA
- 585. FOP312sc145angryMOB2 DAD Here’syour burglar, Dimmsdale! --
- 586. DAD Here’s yourburglar, Dimmsdale! --
- 587. FOP312sc145angryMOB2 DAD Here’syour burglar, Dimmsdale! --
- 588. DAD -- Wecan all rest easy --
- 589. -- now thatthe streets are safe. --
- 590. -- I knowI will. --
- 591. -- All thatcreamed corn --
- 592. -- me reallysleepy.
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- 608. CLOSE on agross-looking meatloaf. text
- 609. We see along line of people. text
- 610.
- 611.
- 612.
- 613. EXT - FAIRYMANS’HOUSE, DAY. text
- 614. NEIGHBOR Welcome tothe neighborhood, Mrs. Fairyman.
- 615.
- 618. -- What arewe gonna do with --
- 619.
- 620. COSMO Well youknow what they say: --
- 621. -- When lifegives you meatloaf, --
- 622.
- 623.
- 624.
- 625. -- this isdisgusting lemonade.
- 627. CROCKER I’m theFalcon! --
- 628.