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Running head: ALLYSHIP LEVELS IN THE COMING OUT PROCESS
Quantitative Look at Levels of Social Support & Self Esteem Assurance From Parents In Gay
Male’s Coming Out Process
Alex Everakes
Communications 253
University of San Francisco
February 20, 2015

ALLYSHIP LEVELS IN THE COMING OUT PROCESS Everakes 2
Abstract
The study outlined below sough to examine the social support effects self-esteem in the coming
out process for gay males when coming out to their parents and looks at how after coming out if
one has high or low levels of self-esteem due to the levels of social support they received from
their parents. Based in research on the coming out process, this study extends on existing
research to take into account the levels of self-esteem due to the fact whether or whether
not parents of gay males are allies, indifferent, or opponents of the queer community. Then I will
pose a study that extends upon the research already provided to deepen the understanding of
effects of self-esteem due to social support in the coming out process.
Keywords: self-esteem, social support, allies, coming out, gay males, parents-child
communication

Quantitative Look at Levels of Social Support & Self Esteem Assurance From Parents In Gay
Male’s Coming Out Process
In the last five years there has been much research done on the coming out process. As
the world is changing its views on homosexuals, gays and lesbians feel more at ease to come out
(Rosen, 2010). However this process of coming out is one that is extremely complicated, and is a
process that could have major consequences for the individual in the relationships they have with
their parents if the parents do not accept them (Brown, 2012). Communication scholar Burlson
(1987) came up with the concept of social support which states if one is supported through
conflict their self-esteem will be boosted and they will be able to overcome hardship easier due
to the fact that they are supported by someone they trust and love. Social support in the coming
out process is crucial because if one feels supported when disclosing their sexual identity to
someone their overall sense of worth will be uplifted. However not all family and specifically
parents will support one when coming out which will have negative effects on an individual’s
sense of worth(Mena & Vaccaro, 2015).
Rosen (2012) shares in his research that self-esteem goes hand in hand social support.
Self esteem is the notion that one’s ego is supported and they feel like they matter. In the realm
of coming out if one has high self esteem and self worth they will be supported by their family in
a positive way (Mena& Vaccaro, 2015). By connecting if one has high levels of social support
and high levels of self esteem they will have a positive outcome in the coming-out process
(Manning, 2014).
The purpose of this study is to highlight the research that has already been conducted on
coming out and social support’s effect on ones’ self-esteem. Specifically the following
paragraphs will look at the coming out patterns of sons and their parents. After discussing the

strength and limitations I will propose a new study looking at how coming out to same sex
parents may differ from coming out to heterosexual parents due to the fact whether or whether
not they are allies.
Connection of Self-Esteem and Social Support When Coming Out
Manning (2014) states that it takes gay males much time to actually feel comfortable to
come out to anyone after they realize they are homosexuals. On average the gay male does not
disclose their sexual identity to anyone until four years of realizing they are different due to the
fact that if they disclosed their life might not be the same. Mena and Vaccaro (2015) shared that
gay male’s experience a higher level of mental health issues due to the fact that added stress is a
part of not being able to show one’s true face with the people they share relations with on an
everyday basis. Mena and Vaccaro state in their research that “self-esteem is associated with the
levels of social support a LGBT person receives.” This assertion is crucial especially around the
time one decides whether they are able to come out. Depending on the levels of acceptance one
has in their everyday life one can have a positive or negative experience when coming out.
Researcher Jimmie Manning states “Unfortunately, coming out conversations are often filled
with frustration, fear, anxiety, discomfort, and confusion.” This rings true especially when it
comes to how one’s family reacts with the levels of social support given to an individual when
they decide to come out. Family is at the center of importance when receiving social support
according Burlson (1987), and whether someone’s family and especially someone’s parents react
with the levels of social support they provide will determine whether or whether not a gay male’s
self-esteem will be high or low. Gay males who have close relationships with their families
struggle the most when deciding to coming out to their families due to the fact that they might
not receive the same amount of love and social support after disclosure of their sexual identity to

their family. What someone’s mother or father thinks of them really will dictate how they feel
about themselves and how they will communicate their worth to others (Brown, 2012).
Gay Males Coming Out to Family Members
The family is a crucial part of how one develops. Manning (2014) states that the way a
gay male comes out to each family member is different. The conversation and process is
different when coming out to fathers and mothers in terms of they way they maintain their levels
of self esteem via social support. Below is an exploration of how gay males come out to their
fathers and mothers in different.
Coming out to Fathers
Hall (2012) states that it is easier for gay males to disclose their sexual identity to their
fathers as father’s tend to show less emotional response initially and do not blame themselves for
their child coming out as gay. However this step for a gay male to come out to their father is
extremely difficult (Machado, 2014). Brown (2012) shares in his research that most fathers have
the “hetrosexual” dream for their children. “The heterosexual dream is defined as the assumption
of parents that their children will grow up, marry, and have children as part of a heterosexual
couple,”. The gay life style limits this dream for the parents which in turn is a threat to the
masculinity of their child. Fathers want their children to be masculine and if their son is not
masculine enough the father may not be as close knit with his child in the the same way as before
the child decided to come out (Mena & Vaccaro, 2015). If a gay male loses this sense of support
from their father they tend to have a loss of self-esteem. In Brown’s study he shared that gay
males who were not accepted by their fathers started to act out through substance abuse in
attempt to escape from the lack of self-esteem they felt. On the other hand, communication
scholar Machado (2014) shared that if a father did not react and continued to support their child

with social support by being emotionally available and showing love after their child came out
that the father-son relationship of a gay male and their father could make the gay male have
extremely high self-esteem as well as high self-worth. This bond of a father-son relationship is
sometimes overlooked as many gay males express that they love their mothers and care more
about what their mothers think about them after disclosing their sexual identity through coming
out. However at the end of the day due to the nature of a father son relationship and creating a
sense of worth and one’s value system, if a father does not accept their son after coming out their
will be much struggle for the son (Rosen, 2012).
Coming out to Mothers
In the communications research across the board there has been much discussion of the
closeness of a gay males and their mothers. Gay males tend to latch on to female role models
making their mothers very important to them. Especially for social support (Machado, 2014). In
his text Rosen (2012), shares “More than often than not, contemporary youths who identity as
gay or bisexual are closer to their mothers after their fathers.” This is due to the fact that mothers
are more emotional. High levels of emotion however can lead to positive or negative reactions
about the fact their son is gay or not when they come out (Mena & Vaccaro 2015). Even though
it is not their fault mothers who are not accepting of their sons initially tend to blame themselves
for the fact their child is gay. Brown (2013) shares that gay males whose mothers are not
accepting find themselves very lost and have extremely low self-esteem. Rosen shares in his
research that a mother’s love for their son is something unique and special. Nine of twelve
participant’s in Rosen’s study shared that they felt very close with their mother and their mother
was their biggest role. The social support a child gets from their mother is something that helps a
son mature, and prosper. If this social support is taken away, the child’s sense of self and sense

of family is lost (Brown). Mena and Vaccaro (2015) share that if a child loses maternal love, and
still has paternal love, the son’s self-esteem and way of seeking out help will be skewed. Gay
males who come out to their mother’s and are accepted however can bring a son and mother
closer. Mother who have gay sons they accept, tend to have communication patterns that
ostracize their son initially by being overly mindful of their child’s feelings (Manning, 2014).
This excess of social support may causes issues initially but over time can be dealt with when
new patterns in social support are achieved for the mother-son relationship (Mena &Vaccaro).
Family relationships are crucial and with the research provided communication scholars have
been able to express the relationship between sons and how their mother’s and father’s can help
or hinder their sense of worth through social support.
Coming out is a process and in time can hinder or maintain someone’s sense of self-esteem
through limitation, excess or loss of social support. Loosing social support from one’s family is
extremely difficult and if one loses support from their mother and father their self-esteem will be
in jeopardy (Manning, 2014). Successful disclosure when one comes out help keeps a gay male’s
self-esteem high due to the fact that he does not feel like being homosexual is a burden (Rosen,
2012). All the research above was limited to heteronormative examples of family types. Same-
sex couple’s having children is on the rise and the communication patterns of their children’s
disclosure of GLBT identities in terms of social support and self-esteem have not been looked at.
However some opposite sex parents are allies of the queer community, and same sex parents are
obviously allies. Allies are people who support the queer community and if one’s parents are
allies of the queer community by default they will most likely have an easier time coming out
and will probably experience high levels of self esteem and social support. In this research
proposal I hope to lay out a plan to rest this notion.

Proposed Study
In the last ten years the door has been opened and dialogue in communication scholarship has
begun on the coming out process. The previous studies have gone into great detail and
successfully have shared a lot about how social support around coming out will effects one’s
overall self-esteem (Rosen, 2012). These studies also shine light on how the process of coming
to mothers and fathers differ. However, most of the research that has been conducted has been
very heteronormative in that the population studies have consisted of opposite-sex parents.
Same-sex couples have children too and there has not been any scholarship on the coming out
process for GLBT children of same sex couples. Given the gaps in the previous research I will
propose a new study looking at the communication patterns in the realms of self-esteem and
social support of children who have same sex parents. Same sex parents are a understudied
family type and deserve to have studies done on patterns within them (Manning, 2014).
H1: An individual’s level of self esteem after coming out will differ depending on if their parents
are allies, indifferent, or opponents of the queer community.
Method
The primary researcher intends to approach this study using a post-positivist lens (Babbie,
2004). Specifically, the hypotheses and researcher questions proposed will be answered in order
to satisfy the desire for a better understanding of the notion of whether or whether not the level to
which a gay males’ parent are allies, indifferent, or opponents of the queer community will
promote their self esteem after coming out. The design methods suggested for exploratory study
will be a survey. This design is appropriate for the proposed study considering that the goal is to
examine group differences (Babbie).

Participants
Participants for this will need to fit the following criteria: (a) be males, (b) indentify as
gay (c) and report that they are ages 18-24. Communication scholar Manning (2014) that this age
group is the time of emerging adulthood which a time where monitoring self esteem is crucial.
Participants in this study will be recruited from a medium sized urban university on the west
coast, a large Midwest university, and a small college on the East Coast. This study will use non
random sampling. Convenience sampling will be recruited from the academic settings, as college
students are easy places to get samples.
Produce
- Directed to an online survey
The survey for this study will be found on Qualtrics (Qualtrics.com). This will be the
only study used to look at the information. Having an online survey is positive
because one it will keep the privacy of the indivuals taking it extremely secure, and
two will eliminate some forms of human error. The researcher will be the only person
who has direct access to the to the information which will lead to even more safety to
the privacy of the participants. The only exception to this privacy is if an IRB board
member has to come in take action.
- fill out informed consent (see Appendix A)
Participants will consent to taking the survey prior to taking the survey. Having them
give their consent before taking the study will lead to less human error as well as they
will know what they will benefit from taking it if they complete the study in an honest
manner. This study will be taken anonymously unless university extra credit is
offered.

Layout Survey
IV- nominal, which will include groups of sons whose parents are allies, indifferent,
and opponents of the gay community
The survey will use the Communications Based Emotional Support Scale (1996)
posed by Weber and Patterson to look into the independent variable. (Communcations
Research Reports, 13, 68-76). It has been reliable at the .79 alpha level.
To be put into categories of allies, indifferent, and opponents of the queer community
the primary researcher will conduct a triadic split- group 1(opponents) -1SD below
mean group, group 2 (indifferent) within + or - -1 SD of the mean, group 3 (allies)
above the mean by 1 SD.
DV- interval, which be looked at a scale of 1-7, which will look at the levels of social
support they feel they received which will show the levels of self-esteem the
participants have after the coming out process.
The survey will use the Self Concept Clarity Scale (1997) posed Campbell , which
had a success rate a .65 alpha level. This scale will be on a level of 1-7 to access
levels of self esteem.
Instruments
The proposed study will use the Communications Based Emotional Support Scale (1996)
posed by Weber and Patterson to access the independent variable which will look at if the
participant felt they had parents who were allies, opponents, or indifferent to the queer
community. The proposed study will also use the Self Concept Clarity Scale (1997) posed by
Campbell to access levels of self esteem on a scale of 1-7. These measurements will accesses the
directed variables and nothing else.

Data Analysis
To answer the research question the primary researcher will import their survey data into a SPSS
file. The independent variable will be nominal- sons who come from families who have parents
who are allies, indifferent, or opponents of the queer community. The independent variable will
be on a tested on a scale to see the level of self esteem felt after coming out. To test the
hypothesis I will use an ANNOVA. This will test an (F and p value). If p is < .05, the null
hypothesis will be rejected. In this case a Post hoc LSD test will be done to determine where
mean group differences are significantly different. If p is > .05, the primary researcher will
conclude that there are no group differences and fail to reject the null.
Discussion
This study if completed would give a lot of detailed information on if the level to which
one’s parents are allies of the queer community or not would affect the coming out process for
gay males. One external factor that may contribute to some obstruction to the results would be
the factor that when members of the queer community have kids it is sometimes thought by
society that they made their children gays. This is not true, someone cannot make their child gay,
but this might affect the hypothesis of same sex parents being more supportive during the
coming out process because it might cause chaos in the self esteem of gay parents if their child
was homosexual as well. Societies standards would lead them to not be as supportive due to this
notion that member of the queer community make their kids gay, even though it is no the truth.
By having this noted prior to the study, researchers can understand one potential error that may
lead them to accepting the null.

Conclusion
This study’s purpose to look at the gateway between how the levels of social support
son’s experience through the coming out process will show the levels of self-esteem based on if
their parents were allies, opponents, or indifferent to the queer community. This study would
show a lot of new information for communications studies academy through quantitative
analysis. Through doing a survey and collected data if this study was carried out the information
could show a lot about self-esteem for a minority group; that being gay males. Social support
connected to self-esteem says a lot human development and this study could show this
relationship. The queer studies realm of communication has been one of the new frontiers of the
discipline and if this study was completed a lot of new, useful information could be found to add
to the queer studies communication research that has been already posed by scholars.

References
Babbie, E. (2004). The practice of social research (10th Ed.). Thomson Wadsworth:
Belmont,CA.
Brown, Ronald. (2012). Fathering Gay Son: A Typology Fathering Gay Sons Journal of
Profession Psychological Practices.
Burlson, B. R.. (1987). Popular, Rejected, and Supportive Preadolescents: Social-Cognitive and
Communicative Characteristics. Communication Yearbook, 10533-552.
Campbell, Jennifer D. (1997) Self Concept Clarity Measure. The Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology.
Hall, J., (2012). “That's Gay”: Sexual Prejudice, Gender Identity, Norms, and Homophobic
Communication. Communication Quarterly, 60(1), 35-58. doi:10.1080/01463373.2012.641833
Machado,Silvio(2014) The Poetics of Parent-Son Encounters Following Negative Parental
Reactions to Disclosure of Gay Idenity. Journal of Humanistic Psychology. 55, 30-52
Manning, Jimmy. (2014) Positive and Negative Communicative Behavior in Coming-Out
Converstations. Journal of Homosexuality. 62; 67-97.
Mena, Jasmine., & Vaccaro, Annmarie., (2015) Tell Me You Love Me No Matter What:
Relationships and Self Esteem Among GLBT Young Adults. Journal of GLBT Family Studies. 9,
3-32
Rosen, Mary. (2012) Negotiating Identities/Queer Desires: Coming Out Stories. Journal of
Computer Mediated Communication.
Weber, K. D., & Patterson, B. R. (1996). Construction and Validation of a Communication
Based Emotional Support Scale. Communication Research Reports, 13(1), 68-76.

Appendix A
Informed Consent
Informed Consent Form
Introduction
This study attempts to collect information about differences in individual perception of gay
males's parents perceived level of allieship
Procedures
You will be shown a some questions on a scale and the questions should be easy to answer. The
questionnaire consists of 15 questions and will take approximately 20 minutes or less. Questions
are designed to determine how you expect a simulated professor would behave in a class setting
based on your past experience. This questionnaire will be conducted with an online Qualtrics-
created survey.
Risks/Discomforts
Risks are minimal for involvement in this study. However, you may feel emotionally uneasy
when asked to make judgments based on your own experience. Although we do not expect any
harm to come upon any participants
Benefits
There are no direct benefits for participants. However, it is hoped that through your participation,
researchers will learn more about which qualities students prefer in professors.
Confidentiality
All data obtained from participants will be kept confidential and will only be reported in an
aggregate format (by reporting only combined results and never reporting individual ones). All
questionnaires will be concealed, and no one other than then primary investigator and assistant
researches listed below will have access to them. The data collected will be stored in the HIPPA-
compliant, Qualtrics-secure database until it has been deleted by the primary investigator.
Compensation

There is no direct compensation, however, participants may earn extra academic credit, at the
discretion of their professors.
Participation
Participation in this research study is completely voluntary. You have the right to withdraw at
anytime or refuse to participate entirely without jeopardy to your academic status, GPA or
standing with the university. If you desire to withdraw, please close your internet browser and
notify the principal investigator at this email: (aceverakes@dons.usfca.edul). Or, if you prefer,
inform the principal investigator as you leave.
Questions about the Research
If you have questions regarding this study, you may contact Alex Everakes at
aceverakes@dons.usfca.edu (312-937-1535)
Questions about your Rights as Research Participants
If you have questions you do not feel comfortable asking the researcher, you may contact (Prof
Thorson), at athorson@usfca.edu (415-422-5703) Or contact the director of Institutional Review
Board, ,IRBPHS@usfca.edu at USFCA. If you need consoling you can contact the USFCA
Wellness Center at skisylia@usfca.edu
Qualtrics Survey Questions
On a scale of 1-5 participants will have answer the following questions based how much social
support they felt they received from their parents.
1.) He/she helps me work through my
thoughts and feelings about major life
decisions (coming out)
2.) My parents will do things that he/she knows
will upset me
3.) He/she patiently and sensitively listens to
me "let off steam" about an outside problem
that I am having
4.) When I tell my parents about a problem
that I am having, he/she doesn't seem to be
paying attention
5.) He/she helps me cope with problems
concerning other friends and/or family
members
6.) He/she avoids me when I am depressed

7.) He/she is a good listener when I am upset.
8.) When I tell my parents about a problem
that I am having, he/she responds with,
"If you think that is bad, listen to this..."
9.) He/she never listens to my problems
10.) He/she says and does supportive things
for me vfhen I am feeling down.
11.) When I want to talk to my parents
about what is bothering me, he/she seems
to have something else to do
12.) He/she shows genuine concern for my
problems
13.) When I talk to my parents about a
problem that I have, he/she tells me that I am
overreacting
14.) He/she gives me good advice when I ask
for
15.) I don't like to talk about things that are
bothering me with my partner because he/she
will think that I am mad at him/her and get
defensive
16.) He/she makes it very easy to discuss my
personal feelings
17.) He/she tells me what I should do even
when I don't ask for advice 5
18.) My parents listens to my side of the story
even if he/she thinks that I am wrong 5
19.) He/she doesn't understand that when I am
in a bad mood, sometimes I just need to"blow
off steam"
20.) He/she makes an effort to make me feel
better when I am depressed
On a scale of 1-7 partipcants will be asked levels of their levels of self-esteem through the
following. 1 being the lowest 7 being the highest
1. How open are you with your parent?
2. How do you relate with your parents?
3. Do you feel independent?
4. Do you feel supported?
5. Are you able to reflect?

6. Do you feel comfort from others?
7. How does your parent make you feel supported?
8. Do you ponder?
9. Has your levels of self worth gone up or down in the last five years?

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