Does Gender Affect Stepchild Relations with Stepparents

Running head: STEPPARENT STEPCHILD RELATIONS 1
“Because She is a Woman, I’d Rather Talk to My Stepmom”: Examining Gender and Its
Influence on Stepchild Relations with Stepparents
Kelsey Duff
University of San Francisco

STEPPARENT STEPCHILD RELATIONS 2
Introduction
Those individuals who have had stepparents understand how difficult it can be to develop
a relationship that meets the same criteria and connection they have with their real parents.
Going through life with a stepparent figure is never an easy process. For many Americans,
becoming a stepchild has become more common than in previous years. According to a 2011
report from the Pew Research on adults in America, 29-30 million adults are stepparents (Pew
Research Center). Being a divorced child who currently has both a stepmom and a stepdad, I
have noticed a difference in the way I communicate between my stepparents. I began to wonder
if gender had an affect on why I shared and disclosed certain information from each stepparent
more easily than the other. Understanding the differences gender could possibly have on other
stepchildren led me to the desire to perform a phenomenological study. The purpose of this
phenomenological study is to understand the possible effects gender has in the communication
between stepparent and stepchild. In what follows, I examine pre-existing literature regarding
stepparent and stepchild communication. Next, I explore experiences presented from several
participants interviewed in this study. Finally, I present implications and future directions of this
topic.
Literature Review
Communication scholars have investigated the relationship between stepchildren and
stepparents and the communicative strategies used to satisfy, build, and maintain these
relationships (Kellas, Braithwaite, Baxter, Thatcher, Routsong, Normand, & LeClair-Underberg,
2014; Schmeeckle, 2007; Schrodt, 2008; Schrodt, Braithwaite, Soliz, Tye-Williams, Miller,
Normand, & Harrigan, 2007; Schrodt, Soliz, & Braithwaite, 2008; Speer, Giles, & Denes 2013).

Current research focuses on the following themes: (1) Traditional Stepparent Gender Roles (2)
Engagement; and (3) Speed of Communication.
Traditional Stepparent Gender Roles
Researchers found that successful relationships built between stepchildren and stepparent
depended on the traditional gender roles a stepparent took within his or her relationship with a
stepchild (Kellas, Braithwaite, Baxter, Thatcher, Routsong, Normand, & LeClair-Underberg,
2014; Schmeeckle, 2007; Schrodt, 2008). According to Kellas et al., (2014) the more
stepparents forced acting as a mother or father figure to a stepchild, the relationship suffered.
Scholars also have found that stepchildren expect stepparents to be more distant and less as an
authoritative figure, and when a stepparent communicates authoritatively, many stepchildren
tend to be taken back and communicate less to their stepparent resulting in an unsuccessful and
unsatisfying relationship (Kellas et al., 2014; Schmeeckle, 2007; Schrodt, 2008).
Schmeeckle, (2007) shares how “gendered practices of the parents and stepparents had
more impact on relationship dynamics than the gendered practices of the children” (p. 178).
Stepmothers were seen to have a harder time connecting and building strong relations with
stepchildren and stepfathers are proven to have a higher success rate (Schmeeckle, 2007;
Schrodt, 2008. Schrodt (2008) believes that the “schemas” that are placed on stepmothers as
“wicked” and stepfathers as “the provider” or the “the man of the household” has an affect on
stepchildren and influences the success of communication between themselves and stepparents.
Because that child sees them as these roles that has society has shaped stepparents into being, it
naturally influences how they perceive their stepparents and whether or not they wish to develop
a relationship with them (Kellas et al., 2014; Schmeeckle, 2007; Schrodt, 2008).
Engagement

Results have shown that the type of engagement a stepparent takes on with a stepchild
affects the satisfaction of the relationship from the stepchild’s perspective (Schrodt, Braithwaite,
Soliz, Tye-Williams, Miller, Normand, & Harrigan, 2007; Schrodt, Soliz, & Braithwaite, 2008;
Speer, Giles, & Denes 2013). The more engaged and accommodating stepparents were in their
everyday conversations with their stepchildren, directly resulted in positive and maintained
relations between stepparents and stepchildren (Schrodt et al., 2007; Schrodt et al., 2008; Speer
et al., 2013). Schrodt et al. (2007) study showed that stepparents’ engagement included more of
everyday conversations and practical jokes with stepchildren and less of serious conversations
such as secrets or more intense subjects such as sex or drinking. The less serious the
conversations were, led to less conflict, but the less a stepparent engaged in everyday talk led to
a stepchild assuming there is tension between themselves and their stepparent and ultimately
leading to less satisfying relationship between the two (Schrodt et al., 2007; Schrodt et al., 2008;
Speer et al., 2013).
The results of Speer et al., (2013) suggests that if a stepparent does engage more in
conversation with their stepchild, the more accommodative the stepparent’s behavior is can also
directly impact how the stepchild perceives where the relationship will head and if they will be
more willing to open up to the stepparent. Accommodation from stepparents has proven to
researchers that this communicative skill enables and creates closer relations. This also allows a
change in everyday talk between stepparent and stepchild to evolve into more topics other than
just the practical jokes and the “how was your day?,” but rather gives stepparents the opportunity
to learn more about the stepchildren’s identity (Schrodt et al., 2008; Speer et al., 2013).
Speed of Communication

How quickly a stepparent starts communicating with a stepchild has shown in researchers
results that it can affect how satisfied a stepchild is with their relationship with their stepparent
(Kellas, Braithwaite, Baxter, Thatcher, Routsong, Normand, & LeClair-Underberg, 2014;
Schmeeckle, 2007; Schrodt, Braithwaite, Soliz, Tye-Williams, Miller, Normand, & Harrigan,
2007; Schrodt, Soliz, & Braithwaite, 2008; Speer, Giles, & Denes 2013). The faster the
stepparent enforces their relationship with the stepchild has caused negative affects. It has left
stepchildren feeling forced and rushed into their relations with their stepparents, and therefore
leads them to become less comfortable in forming conversation and sharing sensitive information
to their stepparent (Kellas et al., 2014, Schrodt et al., 2007).
Speed of communication worked in a positive when the stepparent didn’t force and rush
sensitive topics, but rather when they continuously worked on speaking to the stepchild in a
natural setting (Kellas et al., 2014; Schrodt et al., 2007; Schrodt et al., 2008) When the parent
focused on everyday talk, but frequently and consistently, stepchildren were more prone to
building deeper connections and opening up (Schrodt et al., 2007; Speer et al., 2013). The
relationship was stronger because the communication grew gradually over time, when the
stepparent communicates too much too fast, that is where the relationship suffers makes it harder
to build and maintain a positive relationship.
Within these specific academic journals there are multiple similarities. The populations
for all of the research were with participants mostly ranging in ages from 18-50 and who
qualified for research because they have had stepparents for 5 or more years. Most of these
participants were chosen from large Midwestern or Southwestern part of the United States.
Mostly white participants who lived in similar areas filled the population. In all studies, there
were more female participants then male relationships (Kellas, Braithwaite, Baxter, Thatcher,

Routsong, Normand, & LeClair-Underberg, 2014; Schmeeckle, 2007; Schrodt, 2008; Schrodt,
Braithwaite, Soliz, Tye-Williams, Miller, Normand, & Harrigan, 2007; Schrodt, Soliz, &
Braithwaite, 2008; Speer, Giles, & Denes 2013).
Some of the major and common gaps found within the article were in the population
itself. There was little to no diversity with all of these participants from each academic journal.
In addition, the age range is extremely broad. An eighteen year-old’s perspective on their
stepparent could be extremely different in comparison to a 50 year-old’s perspective of their
stepparent. A major factor that should be researched with stepparents and stepchildren is gender.
We have seen how the stepparent’s gender affects the stepchild’s perspective and satisfaction
with their relationship, but how does the stepchild’s own gender influence how they perceive
their stepparents? Does a male stepchild have an easier time accepting their stepparents than a
female stepchild or vise versa? Or does it have to do with attachment styles that come with
gender, are daughters less likely to get along with stepmothers because they have a closer
relationship with their mother then their father naturally or vise versa with sons and stepfathers?
These gaps have led me to an area on this topic that needs more research. My question is:
How if at all, do gender differences between stepparent and young adult influence the
communication between each other?
Method
For this study, I chose to use qualitative methods in order to find a deeper understanding
and explanation as to how, why and if at all stepchildren communicate differently with their
stepparents depending on their gender. Correspondingly, Denzin (2010) states that qualitative
methods seek “to understand how power and ideology operate through and across systems of
discourse, cultural commodities, and cultural texts” (p. 17). Qualitative research asks how words,

and texts and their meanings play a pivotal part in the cultures “decisive performances of race,
class [and] gender” (p. 17). Moreover, I chose to take a phenomenological approach which
enables me to analyze how and why people share experiences the way they do (Downing, 1987,
p. 80).
Data Collection
Participants.
For this study I interviewed six participants who identified as being a stepchild who has
stepparent (or multiple) in their lives and have been their stepparent for 2 or more years. In
addition, one participant who spoke about his parent’s unmarried partners identified, his
mother’s boyfriend specifically, as a stepparent. Another male participant had two stepmothers,
one stepmother was married to his father, and his other stepmom has been the partner of his
stepmom for over 5 years. Of the participants chosen, three identified as male and three
identified as female. The participant’s ages ranged from 18-21. All participants attended private
universities in the Western United States. The range of how long the participants knew their
stepparent (or multiple) was from 2-8 years. Finally, some participants had multiple stepparents
before they built a relationship with their current stepparent as well.
Procedures.
Recruiting participants was through using a convenience sample. The study place was in
a private university in the Western United during the Spring 2015 semester. Participants were
separately interviewed in a neutral setting that lasted approximately 30-45 minutes. For the
interviews, a semi-structured interview guide was used. The data from these interviews was
recorded and transcribed. Thus resulting in 54 pages of transcriptions.
Data Analysis

Data was analyzed through using thematic analysis. This analysis consisted of three
phrases. First, data was summarized using Glaser & Strauss’ constant comparison (1967). The
data was then identified using insight, intuition and impression (Dey, 1995). Next, significant
statement were then identified and coded. These codes resulted in four themes: (1) Impact of
stereotypical gender roles (2) Eventful turning points between stepparent and stepchild; and (3)
Sharing similar interests as a communication tool. These themes are further described below.
Analysis
Impact of Stereotypical Gender Roles
Stereotypical gender roles of stepmothers in this study suggested to be a major impact of
how satisfied a stepchild was with their stepparent. No matter the gender of the stepchild, they
both felt more satisfied and happy with their relationship with the stepparent when the stepparent
communicated in the way that society has mothers portrayed to communicate. For instance, one
participant stated that because his mother was more “nurturing” his typical conversations that he
had with his stepmother he stated were “just like anything I would have with my regular mom.”
He added, “Like she asks how I am, she always gives me great advice.” Because the stepmother
played a role that was similar to his own mother, a role that was common and familiar to him,
her style of communication enabled him to want to develop a closer relationship with her. The
stepmother’s ability to take on the motherly role as a “caring” and “compassionate” person to her
stepson led to them having a stronger bond, as well as made him, the participant, more willing to
communicate. Similarly, another participant thought of his father’s partner as “caring” because
of her profession as a nurse. Society has naturally influenced us to think of a woman instantly
when discussing the career of a nurse. The participant linked this stereotypical idea to base an

opinion of his stepmother figure and thus led him to believe she was a more nurturing stepmother
figure at the start of their relationship with one another.
For some stepchildren, when a stepmother takes on the stereotypical gender role of a
mother, they gain more so a respect from the stepchild. This respect for the stepmother’s efforts
to act like a caretaker figure also triggers the stepchild to then become more appreciative of the
relationship. One participant shared that even though she didn’t feel close with her stepmother in
comparison to her other siblings, she appreciated the relationship more as she got older. When
asked why she appreciated her stepmom now, she responded, “Just like all she has done for me
and my sisters like, she married my dad knowing that he was gonna come with three kids, three
girls, who were two, four and six years old. So basically she had to raise us when I was with my
dad. Just like knowing that, just like I appreciate it more.” Because the participant’s stepmother
“took care” of her and her siblings and without hesitation took on the motherly task of “raising”
them, the participant felt more connected with her. Although her and her stepmother may not
have been extremely close, the participant recognized the stepmother’s efforts of taking on the
motherly role and therefore treated her more respectfully because of it.
Stepfathers
Stepchildren were more likely to respect their stepfathers, when the stepfathers took on
the role as the head of the household, or rather the provider. In order to feel a sense of trust and
connection to their stepfather, the stepchild would be more likely to connect with the stepfather if
he was more willing to take on the stereotypical role that society shapes a father. For example,
one participant shared “You know I do look up to him and I do think he plays this like fatherly
role in our family.” She added on and said, “So I definitely respect him for like taking that on
and really treating our family like his own… and like I definitely respect that.” The participant’s

emphasis on the statement “fatherly role” is because of how he financially supported the family
and welcomed her family as if there were no genetic differences. As if they were a regular
family.
Dads are commonly known, or portrayed by society to be more comical with their
parenting style. One participant stated that he actually began to feel more comfortable with his
stepfather because his stepfather would use his communication to make the participant laugh or
smile. He shared, “ when he would reach out to me when I was having a hard time like. I had a
lot of stress issues when I was younger too so he would try to come and calm me down and try to
make me laugh. And he’s just like a really loving guy so.” Because of his stepfather engaging in
a way that made him seem as like a strong support system, someone the participant could rely
on, the participant said his communication increased with his stepdad. He even mentioned that
ways that he as the stepchild saw himself communicating better was when he was “Just starting
to joke around with him probably. Just making fun of him more when he makes fun of me and
just making a reciprocal kind of conversation,” suggests that he was becoming more comfortable
with his stepfather. The stepfather acting in a manor that was familiar to the participant, was an
outlet that led to a deeper and stronger connection and respect for the both of them.
However, one male participant suggested that when his stepfather became overly
authoritative and took to much power of being the “father” and acted as the punish maker, the
participant blocked off the desire to want to form a closer bond and thus caused a less open
relationship between himself and his stepfather. He shared how when he was younger and just
beginning to develop his relationship with his stepfather he, “kind of attempted to warm up to
him cause I just like, when I was younger I probably wanted the affection or something,” But
with time passing and witnessing his stepfather “snap back” at him, he said, “I was just

eventually like conditioned to not open up to him anymore.” The participant added that some of
these “snap backs” were as little as not putting his shoes away, not bringing the laundry upstairs
right away or messing up a table setting. Because of the stepfather’s efforts to act too much like
an authoritative father figure to the stepparent, it ended up being interpreted by the participant as
too aggressive and forceful and inevitably caused the relationship to suffer.
In all when a stepparent stepped foot into the role of mother and father that is shaped by
society, stepchildren felt naturally more comfortable and willing to open up to their parent.
Although not all stepchildren had a strong relationship with their stepparents, because the
stepparent took on these stereotypical gender roles, they gave their stepparent much more
respect. Stepchildren were more appreciative of stepparents who practiced these gender roles in
the family dynamic and led to for some stepchildren a stronger connection and better
relationship. However when it came towards a parent being to authoritative when stepping into
there stereotypical roles, especially stepfathers, stepsons especially rejected this authoritative
behavior and removed any future opportunities of building a deeper relationship.
Eventful Turning Points Between Stepparent and Stepchild
For many stepchildren they experienced an event between themselves and their
stepparent that caused a major turning point in the relationship that could have led to either a
more positive result or an extremely negative result. The major event that occurs between the
stepparent and stepchildren is shown to cause a great influence in how that stepchild not only
perceives his or her stepparent but also how he or she chooses to move forward in the
relationship. Major turning points were seen to occur for both stepmothers and stepfathers,
however the context of what that turning point was showed to be completely different.

Stepdaughters were found to recognize a negative turning point, or event, in their
relationship with their stepmother. It was said by the participants that this event stuck with them
sadly throughout their relationship and almost acted as an underlying emotion that influenced
their resistance to open up as well as affected how they reacted in confrontational settings with
their stepmother. One participant discussed what caused her relationship to become rocky with
her stepmother was during the transition period of her and her siblings moving in with her
stepmother and her kids. She said, “there was like this one point, where my two half siblings they
were both born, and we moved into another house and she put them in two separate rooms and
then me and my two sisters, the three of us were all in one room.” Because the stepmother was
isolating the participant and her siblings it created a major shift in the relationship. When asking
how this made her feel she stated, “definitely uncomfortable or unwanted, I felt like a burden to
her which is not how you should feel when your home you know?” Because of the event of the
stepmother forcing the participant and her siblings to be treated unequally in comparison to her
half siblings, this changed the dynamic of the relationship to become more negative and naturally
caused the participant to feel distant and less willing to build relationship.
In addition, another participant mentioned how the event that led to a change with her
relationship with her stepmother is something that has yet to leave her memory. When
participants father started having children with her stepmother, she noticed a major change in her
mother’s communication styles with her. She stated, “Well I think with my stepmom I really
didn’t feel close to her like when they had their own kids and she would say those things to my
dad, like she would say to her kids that like my dad liked us better.” This event caused the
participant to feel not only uncomfortable, but also almost personally scarred by the experience.
The participant added this was “one point in my life that I have never been really able to shake it.

Like even if it doesn’t happen anymore, it’s still like I remember it.” The stepmother’s comments
affected her so deeply that the comments made by the stepmother, never left the back of the
participant’s mind. Because of this event, she suggested that it is now almost a natural trigger for
to even become more upset with her stepmother and an even less desire to build and develop a
relationship with her stepmother.
Conversely, a male participant who had two stepmothers presently in his life, his father’s
wife and his mother’s partner, saw a positive result from an eventful turning point between
himself and each of his stepmothers. With his father’s wife the participant shared:
Yea so actually like the one thing, my fondest memory ever is when my dad and
her got married, we went to Hawaii and it was like a super intimate wedding. So it
was just the kids, the parents and then my dad’s mom and dad… But we like the
kids exchanged vows with the opposing parents so like they, my dad and Josette,
exchanged vows and then her and I exchanged vows. And I don’t remember really
what was said and you can’t really here it because it was like super loud. But we
were just both like balling. And I just remember we connected so hard on that. I
think we both understand that we have a close relationship with one another like it
was all on the table. And we both like liked each other. We love each other you
know?
Because the participant’s stepmother took the exchange of vows as an opportunity to open up to
her stepson, the participant responded equally with the same willingness to open up and connect.
This event of getting married is something that doesn’t always happen, it is something that will
never leave both the stepmother and participant’s memory, and the fact that the stepmother
communicated positively to the participant influence a major turning point in their relationship.
A point where it was no longer just a respectful relationship, but a relationship that made them
feel like they were family, that they unconditionally loved each other.

With his stepmother’s partner, he shared the relationship felt like she was his “cool
Auntie.” That he cared about her a lot but it was not as emotional as with his other stepmother.
But he shared how there was a point where he formed a deeper more emotional connection with
her, which led to him realizing how much he loved and appreciated her. He began to share how
at a family trip in Mexico where they stood up late at night on the front porch drinking and now
the following conversation occurred:
Participant: I just remember Ju and I just having just a heart to heart
conversation. Like I hope you know, like we’ve never talked about this cause like
the whole lesbian thing is kind of like a…
Interviewer: Elephant in the room.
Participant: Yea. And I was just like you know I support the fuck out of you
guys, I love both of you so much like don’t ever think I’m embarrassed of it.
Don’t ever think my friends don’t support it either, all my close friends know
about it and like all my friends all expect to come to you guys’ wedding one day.
And I hope to be, and I think I said I hope I’d be the flower girl at their wedding
or something stupid like that. But yea, so it was that was great. Like an instance of
really deep connection for sure.
This moment where he was in fact the turning point, where he realized that he was finally
accepting of his mom and his stepmother’s relationship, led to him opening up to her and them
forming a deeper and more intimate relationship then that had ever had before this event. This
shows a major shift in their relationship in a positive light and proves that a memory like this
never leaves and rather just enhances the base of the relationship between the stepmom and
stepson.
Stepdaughters also experienced a turning point in their relationship with their stepfather
that led to a negative, disconnected and untrustworthy relationship due to an action the stepfather
had done to either the participant or the participant’s mother. When asking the participant if she
felt like she could open up to her stepfather and or trust him enough to open up she stated “I’d

say I’m less open just because I don’t really like trust him so I’m not gonna like tell him about
myself I guess.” After asking her if there was a significant moment that made her feel that she
could not trust her stepfather, she shared a major event that caused a major shift in the
relationship. After describing to me how she left the hospital from major surgery and was
prescribed vicatin by the doctors, resulted in the following conversation:
Participant: I’d have to take it like everyday, percasett or vicatin or something
like that, and he took them and took them himself. Yea he was a drug addict and
he relapsed and he relapsed on my medication so that one instance, really.
Interviewer: Really blockaded you?
P: Yeah.
The stepfather’s willingness to disregard not only the fact that his stepdaughter relied on that
medication to relieve her pain, but to also go behind his stepdaughter’s back and steal from her is
a clear reason why the participant lost trust in her stepfather. This event caused the participant to
be more on edge with the stepfather as well as completely lose any respect that she might have
previously had for him.
Another participant saw a disconnection between herself and her stepfather when the
participant shared how she witnessed her stepfather communicated negatively with her mother.
She said, “I feel like we were close, but it was really hard towards the end just because him and
my mom were fighting so much like I didn’t even want him around cause it was so hard and I
didn’t want to be around that.” She then added that they were “fighting constantly. I [She] didn’t
want to come home from school even.” The stepfather’s disrespectful actions and harsh
communication towards the participant’s mother, inevitably led the participant to become more
distant and led her shift her once positive relationship with her stepfather to a more distant and
less open relationship. Because of this she added, “I was hindered from talking to him because I

could tell something was off between him and my mom. So I didn’t want to get to close and get
hurt.” Seeing her stepfather hurt her own mother, it led to the participant resisting opening up in
the fear of the father hurtfully speaking to her in the same way. Because of the stepfather’s lack
of positive communication towards his own wife, caused him to lose any opportunity he might
have had of fostering a strong and comfortable relationship with his stepdaughter.
In all, stepdaughters seemed to form negative relationships with their stepparents after
there was a turning point/event that occurred. Whether the stepmother or stepfather
communicated negatively with them or their parents, it led to the stepdaughter becoming more
distant and less open with her stepparents. Stepsons seemed to form a deeper and open
connection with their stepmothers when the stepmother seized the opportunity to open up and be
vulnerable with her stepson that created a relationship filled with love.
Sharing Similar Interests As A Communication Tool
No matter the gender, responses from participants suggested that when a stepparent and
a stepchild shared similar interests, they developed a stronger relationship with a deeper
connection. These similar interests provided them with a better understanding of one another and
why they may communicate the way that they do. A female participant shared how she and her
stepmother built a deeper connection when they cooked together. She said, “Usually like when
we talk, we’re cooking together or something like that because it’s like we both really like to
cook and we’ll just be in the kitchen chatting about small talk and stuff. Yeah it’s a good
relationship, it’s easy I guess.” Because both the participant and her stepmother enjoy cooking,
by making the joined effort in cooking together enabled them to open up more than they might
have done if they had not shared a similar interest. Yes they may be only having small talk, but
like she said “it’s easy.” By having a relationship that is not difficult, this means that talking and

conversing is effortless and never feels forced; which is always a positive attribute when building
a relationship with someone.
The same participant also developed a strong relationship with her stepfather over their
love for sports. Because her stepfather loved sports, he began engaging himself into the
participants sporting events. However when she had to stop playing sports for health reasons, her
connection with her stepfather shifted. The participated explained, “Well, all my life I’ve been
playing sports and uh just you know, I was just a natural athlete, and he was always my coach or
something like that so, yeah that’s like what we had in common. And in high school I had to stop
playing sports, so like around that time our relationship changed.” The stepfather disengaged
himself with his stepdaughter once the one thing they had common was removed from their
relationship. Thus showing how big of an affect similar interests between stepparent and
stepchild have on their relationship. The more similar interests they have, the stronger the
relations, but when those similar interests are not present, the relationship then suffers.
Another participant experienced a stronger connection after building a relationship
centered on music with her stepfather. She shared:
Like with my stepdad, he’s a musician so getting to see him play or like even
around the house like talking to him about music and instruments is always like
fun and you know? Like at family gatherings, he’s a very approachable, outgoing
guy and so its, like he’s just easy to talk to.
Music brought both the participant and her stepfather together. Their love for music allowed the
participant to recognize how approachable her stepfather really is and that talking to him doesn’t
require any work. The conversation flows easier when the subject is something that interests both
the stepparent and stepchild and thus influences other conversations to pop up and make more
sensitive topics easier to discuss.

This participant also built a stronger relationship, as she got older with her stepmother as
they discussed more about her education. The participant mentioned in the interview how her
stepmother attended college in Brazil for a period of time. She stated, “we talk about like
education and she’s always very interested to know what I’m studying and stuff so its cool to be
able to talk to her about that kind of thing. And like have someone who kind of understands.” It
felt comforting to the reader that she could confide in someone about her education. That
someone would almost get where she was coming from talking about her trials and tribulations
with her education. Having that support from her stepmother provided them with better
conversation. All though she didn’t see her stepmother that much, she was still able to have
something to talk about when they did see one another thanks to having similar interests and
understandings.
When I asked one of my male participants what he believed made his relationship
develop with his stepfather into something deeper than just the day to day conversations he
shared, “ I don’t know, probably when we started playing soccer together, he started coaching
me. That would probably be when we started connecting more.” Because of this similar interest
and enjoyment in the same hobby, the participant shares that their relationship grew and
expanded. He added:
I struggled pretty hard in school when I was younger, because I had a really bad
attention span. But I worked through that. And he would just always try to help
me with things. He would just always try to help me with soccer, and like trying
to make me better and he would always try to set for the best things for me to do.
Because the stepfather took their similar interests as an opportunity to engage and show his
support to his stepson, it allowed the participant to feel connected and loved. The stepson
identified the stepfather’s actions and the fact that his stepfather was always willing to give him a

helping hand, thus showing the positive affects having similar interests can have on a stepparent
stepchild relationship.
Furthermore, when a stepparent and stepchild shared similar interests and/or hobbies,
these interests acted as a resource when taking the first steps in generating a successful
relationship between the pair. With this conversational starter, stepparents and stepchildren were
able to bridge a connection and find more similar interests and develop and even stronger
relationship. However when these similarities were removed or not, their relationship became
stagnant, and led to a relationship that only touched the surface of conversations, where neither
stepparent nor stepchild was willing to open up.
Discussion
In reviewing this analysis, several implications arise. This study demonstrates that gender
does influence how one can communicate with his or her stepchild. Understanding how the style
in which a stepparent communicates impacts the stepchild’s perception of his or her relationship.
This can help prepare those who are in a relationship that could lead them into becoming a
stepparent. Specifically this study raises awareness for stepchildren themselves, stepparents,
parents and even family therapists to help ease the difficult experienced during the transition in
obtaining another set of parent figures in ones life. Stepchildren’s real parents could create
opportunities that could lead to more stepparent involvement with a stepchild that involve
activities or topics that are of similar interests to both stepchild and stepparent. Thus easing a
more comfortable relationship because discourse is more easily triggered.
Limitations
There were several limitations to this study. First my overall positionality could have
influenced and or triggered what information I found important. Being a divorced child, I related

to all of my main themes and found similarities within my own relationships in comparison with
my participants’ relationships with their stepparents. Second, the sample size for this study
consisted of eight participants, more individual interviews or focus groups could be done to
reach saturation. Also because this was a sensitive topic, some of my participants may have
hindered the results by hiding or disclosing certain information that could have better described
why the feelings of their stepparent are the way they are. Also, most of my parents had a longer
relationship with their stepmother than their stepfather this could have possibly skewed the
results and provided less material on if gender might have an impact on a stepfather’s
relationship with his stepchild.
Future Directions
In the future, I would conduct additional studies on how stepparents who are in a same-
sex relationship with a stepchild’s real parent could impact how they communicate. One of my
participants in this study also had a same-sexed stepparent and developed a positive relationship.
This would be interesting to see what are communication factors that influence a positive or
negative relationship between the two. In addition, this type of demographic may garner
different, unique and informative results. Especially with the rise in same-sex marriage in the
United States, more research needs to be done.
Conclusion
The purpose of this study was to understand how if at all, gender differences between
stepparent and young adult influence the communication between each other. After examining
previous literature on the topic, conducting interviews, and analyzing those results, several
themes emerged; impact of stereotypical gender roles; eventful turning points between stepparent
and stepchild; and sharing similar interests as a communication tool. This research found that

gender does have a significant effect on the nature of stepparent and stepchild relations, which
mostly commonly resulted in a shift of dynamics within this specific dyad. Depending on the
theme and gender, the shift could result in a negative or a positive result. The stepchild would
perceive the stepparent’s choice of how they engaged with their stepchild and the gender role
they took to decide whether a positive or negative relationship was forming. The way a
stepfather engaged was different from the way a stepmother engaged. Analysis also showed that
the more vulnerable a stepparent was, the more comfortable the stepchild became and thus
influenced themselves to want to open up more as well.
In all, being a stepchild and have stepparents, I related similarly to all of the themes
found within the analysis. It was interesting to see that although all participants were of different
gender and races and even social classes, including myself, it was informative to see that no
matter our ideologies, these similar themes still arise in mostly all of the participants’
relationships with their stepparent. Thus, this research not only was informative, but it allowed
me to learn to appreciate the opportunity I have to have another set of parents in my life and
realize that they have provided me with the ability to see relationships and communications in
general in a more respectful and appreciative perspective.

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