This document discusses reasons for rising divorce rates in India, including changing social norms around gender roles and independence. It notes that divorce rates have increased 100% in the past 5 years, with 60% being mutual consent divorces. Common reasons for divorce mentioned include influence of nuclear families, desire for freedom and inability to handle responsibility, financial issues, unclear gender roles for both men and women, lack of intimacy/sexual dissatisfaction, proximity of parents-in-law, and psychological and financial independence of women enabling easier divorces. Sexual problems, extra-marital affairs, greed, frustration, lack of communication, and unrealistic expectations further threaten marriages. The document also outlines Indian divorce laws and grounds for dissolution of marriage.

1. REASONS –REMEDIES
& ROLE OF SEX

2. Dr Ashwini Vivek
Billampelly
 SEXOLOGIST and MARRIAGE
COUNSELOR
 Allopathic family physician

3. Divorce scenario
 January 30, 2013:
 Statistics- only 1 out
of 100 Indian
marriages end up to a
divorce which is quite
low in comparison to
America’s 50% of
marriages turning into
breakups.
 The divorce rate in
Indian villages is even
lower in comparison
to urban India.
Sweden – 54.9%
United States – 54.8%
Russia – 43.3%
United Kingdom – 42.6
Germany – 39.4%
Israel – 14.8%
Singapore – 17.2%
Japan – 1.9%
Srilanka – 1.5%
India – 1.1%

4. Recent
 “The past one year has witnessed 43,000 divorces
 Owing to the awareness relating to men’s rights
nationwide, the number of divorce by mutual consent
has also gone up. Today, statistics shows 60 per cent
of the divorces is by mutual consent.

 Among states with the highest number of divorces,
Maharashtra topped the list in the past year,
accounting for nearly 20,000 cases, with Mumbai
and Pune alone accounting for 15,000 of them, while
the remaining were reported from Nashik,
Aurangabad and Nagpur

5. Around five years ago, the ratio was one
divorce per 1,000 marriages in India , and
today statistics indicate that there are 13
divorces for every 1,000 marriage.
 20% of first marriages fail after 5 years, 33%
after 10 years whereas 43% end in divorce after
15 years.Divorce rates in The IT sector are
higher as compared to other sectors.
 “There’s been a 100 percent increase in divorce
rates in the past five years alone. They don’t
want to put more efforts into a relationship to fix
the issues.”

6. The possible reasons
 The influence of NUCLEAR (vibhakta kutumba)
family VS JOINT family ekatrit kutumba sanstha
 “mothyancha dhaak naahi”
 Want of freedom ....”Bandhna pasun mukti hawi
aahe....swechchene jaganyachi ichcha”
 Are they able to handle responsibility of the
freedom.
 More expenses. More loans, More chores for the
house and kids.—leads to every day stress.
 Gender Equality. Changing social roles and social
expectations for both men and women (sometimes
both are confused)
 Drawing Boundaries

7. Gender roles
 Patriarchal Vs Matriarchal society
Purushpradhan Vs Matrupradhan sanskriti.
 Women earning and driving a car...pan gaadi
band padali tar nawaryala phone karatat and
tyane yawe ashi apeksha asate. Kiti purush
gaadi band padali mhanun bayakola bolawatat ?
 Women are working and are out of house, but
are the men fully trained and domesticated ?
 They might do things for their wife, but we cant
expect either of them to be perfect in their
gender role of fending and caring for a family

8. The sexual beings
 Equality in all spheres also on the marital bed!
 Whose responsibility it is
 Increased incidence of PCOS, infertility and stress
 Exposure to internet porn films- knowledge or
revulsion ?
 Homo sexuality / Bisexuality/ heterosexuality

9. Complaints related to sex life-
threatening to divorce
 Claims for impotency / frigidity
 He/she can not satisfy me
 Claims about penile size
 Unconsummated marriages
 Complaints about too less/infrequent sex –
esp by women
 He cant last long enough
 Very few complaints of alcoholism/tobacoo
use directly

10. Proximity of girls’ parents
 Ekulti ek ladaki mulagi- want her to be
happy and comfortable
 Not afraid of divorce as a social stigma
 “aamhi aahot “
 New set of expectations from the
SIL....he should earn and cook and
clean...babysit etc
 “mula la changala swaympak yeto ka”

11. The growing psychological and
financial independence of
women
 IT industry: 30 % more divorce cases
than the normal population
 Alternate shifts. Rarely meet each other.
 Bring home work. Or come home only to
sleep.
 No more a place to cook, socialise,
entertain family and friends

12. ATTITUDE
 Money, cars, fancy electronic gadgets
like i-phones, lappies.
 Weave a world of their own- a virtual
world
 HIGHLY EGOISTIC AND SELF
CENTERED
 If your car breaks or laptop hangs you
take care of it..I have my own things to
do.

13. Late marriages
 Greater reluctance to compromise or
change set ways and lifestyles
 Age between 20 to 30. Transition from
curiosity experimentation to settling in a
life style and way of thinking and
behaving
 PERSONAL SPACE
 JOB LOCATION

14. Biggest reason for Divorce
is
 Marriage itself ......

15. Getting married
 Why do we get married to a particular person ?
 Addhyarut aahe ki ...tya wyakti barobar jastit jasta
vel ghalwayacha, sukh dukhkha watun ghyachi....ek
mekana sukh dyayache...support aaddhar ....
 Company: Be with some one –not alone
 Sharing: dreams, daily TV shows, picnics, daily work
chores
 Support – financial, emotional, physical
 Romance- sex
 Procreation – having children, bearing child and
rearing it !

16. Old goals replaced by new life
realities
 Company- work and colleagues
 Sharing: whatsapp and fb. Virtual chats.
Constant and ongoing. One may never meet
the person in flesh and blood. And Ignore the
one who is next to you.
 Gas sampala tar chalel..but internet plan
sampla nahi pahije.
 support. Finances ...different, self sufficient
 Emotions taken care by status messages
 Physical needs ....there are always options !
 Romance- Procreation ??

17. Extra marital affairs
 Long hours spent with others
 Travelling together, more sense of sharing
and closeness because -sharing work
problems ---which are omniscient and
never ending.
 Durun dongar sajare...grass is greener on
the other side
 Partying – equal use of alcohol, cigarettes,
charas, cocaine, prescription drugs.
 When high...Alcohol removes inhibitions.

18. GREED HAS NO UPPER
LIMIT
 Money is POWER. I CAN GET ANYTHING
THAT I FANCY.
○ I want that i-phone, that vintage car, that
diamond, that property.
○ ESCALATES INTO....Je dusaryakade aahe te
mala pahije aahe. HAWYAAS . GREED
○ REFUSAL TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOU
HAVE AND COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
○ NOTHING IS ENOUGH
○ Need to earn more....need to enjoy
more...because I am stressed. ...Need to earn
more because I have health problems....so more
stressed so more health problems.

19. Sexual problems
 Unconsummated marriage
 Sexual frustration in either or both
partners. E.g PE, P size
 Mismatched desire and performance
 Mismatch in the reasons why have
sex....enjoyment / procreation
 Looking for outlet
 Lack of sexual communication

20. EMAs
 Extra marital affairs as well as premarital
sex and polygamy rising
 Easier options for birth control and STD
prevention
 Condoms and I-pills available over the
counter
 Irrational use without medical
prescription and supervision

21. Role of sex in Bonding

22. Good enough sex model
 Unrealistic expectations
 Vs
 Real life experience

23. Roller coaster world of fact and
fiction
 Addictions –alcohol, cigarette smoking,
drugs
 Group activities - picnics, parties, dance
at discotheques, marathons
 Also include hukkah dates, party drugs,
watching 3x films, swap parties, orgies
and endless gossip amongst both men
and women.
 Rising number opportunities – homo sex

24. INSIGHTS
 Intolerance – sahanshakti
 Ego centric – dominance in relationship
 Cohabiting
 Frustration – Udweg ! Feeling of being victimised
..what about me ? What about my happiness?
Mala koni vicharat nahi !
 Contempt – tiraskaar –tuchchha : lack of respect
accompanied by a feeling of intense dislike
open disrespect for a person or thing
 A willful disobedience to or disrespect for the
authority of a court or legislative body
 Revenge – sooda bhavana – hostility ---sudatwa
chi bhavana

25. (l) Any marriage which is solemnized, whether before or
after the commencement of the Hindu marriage Act, may
be Dissolved by a decree of divorce, by either the
Husband or the wife presenting the petition on the
following grounds:
(i) Firstly having had voluntary sexual intercourse with
any person other than his or her spouse
(ia) Secondly has treated the petitioner with cruelty after
marriage;
Divorce laws

26. or
(ib) Thirdly: has deserted the petitioner for a
continuous period of not less than two years
immediately preceding the presentation of the
petition; or
(ii) Fourthly has changed is religion and has ceased
to be a Hindu by conversion to another religion; or
*(iii) has been incurably of unsound mind, or has
been suffering continuously or intermittently from
mental disorder of such a kind and to such an extent
that the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to
live with the respondent.

27. (iv) has been suffering from a virulent and incurable form
of leprosy; or (v) has been suffering from venereal
disease in a communicable form; or (vi) has renounced
the world by entering any religious order; or
(vii) has not been heard of as being alive for a period of
seven years or more by those persons who would
naturally have heard of it, and that party been alive;

28. (lA) Either party to a marriage, whether solemnized
before or after the commencement of this Act, may also
present a petition for the dissolution of the marriage by a
decree of divorce on the ground-
(i) that there has been no resumption of cohabitation as
between the parties to the marriage for a period of
one year or upwards after the passing of a decree for
judicial separation in a proceeding to which they were
parties; or
(ii) that there has been no restitution of conjugal rights
as between the parties to the marriage for a period of
one year or upwards after the passing of a decree for
restitution of conjugal rights in a proceeding to which
they were parties.

29. (2) A wife may also present a petition for the dissolution of her
marriage by a decree of divorce on the ground,-
(i) in the case of any marriage solemnized before the
commencement of this Act, that the husband had married again
before such commencement or that any other wife of the husband
married before such commencement was alive at the time of the
solemnization of the marriage of the petitioner; Provided that in
either case the other wife is alive at the time of the presentation of
the petition; or
(ii) that the husband has, since the solemnization of the marriage,
been guilty of rape, sodomy or bestiality; or
(iii) that in a suit under section 18 of the Hindu Adoptions and
Maintenance Act, 1956, or in a proceeding under section 125 of
the Code of Criminal Procedure, 1973 (or under the
corresponding section 488 of the Code of Criminal Procedure,
1898), a decree or order, as the case may be,

30. has been passed against the husband awarding
maintenance to the wife notwithstanding that she was
living apart and that since the passing of such decree
or order, cohabitation between the parties has not
been resumed for one year or upwards; or
(iv) that her marriage (whether consummated or not)
was solemnized before she attained the age of fifteen
years and she has repudiated the marriage after
attaining that age but before attaining the age of
eighteen years.

31. guide to making up with your
partner
 Go over your priorities: chances are that
your spouse’s announcement on
wanting a divorce sent you reeling with
shock
 you now have to ask yourself what you
really want and why. If you don’t want a
divorce, consider if the reasons for this
are strong enough to make you put in
time and effort to save the marriage.

32. guide to making up with your
partner
 Despite what your spouse thinks, you may
be reasonably happy with your marriage or
even if you know things are far from
perfect, you still love your spouse and want
to make the marriage work.
 On the other hand, divorce after the first
year may be relatively less messy and
expensive so whether you agree with your
spouse on the divorce of not, determine
your priorities and decide

33. Be calm
 you need to understand and accept that a
breach has occurred. So when your
spouse announces, “I want a divorce”, you
can say, “I understand” or at least “I see”.
This implies that you perceive and accept
the reality that your marriage has ran into
rough weather.
 if you respond to the announcement with
anger, denial, defensiveness and lengthy
explanations about why he/she is wrong
and you are right, then you will be losing
the endeavor even before it has begun

34. So be calm and reasonable
 Let him/her go on talking and listen
quietly to all that they have to say. At the
end, your spouse may ask you if you
have anything to say or if you have any
questions. Politely tell him/her you don't
and that you need some time to digest
what you have just been told.

35. Consider the reasons/ Be
honest with yourself
 spend some time by yourself in going over the
reasons.
 Perhaps malicious or excessive interference
from parents on one side is the cause of your
marriage troubles or your spouse is appalled at
the extra expenses that a marriage entails.
 maybe he/she is not the kind to take on the
responsibilities of running a household and thus
wants to move out
Only when you are able to zero in on the actual
reasons behind the
proposed divorce, can you do something to stop it.

36. Decide what you can change
 if you are married less than a year, a court
can give you and your partner some time to
reconsider things. And this is the best
opportunity to bring in changes if you want
to keep your spouse from going ahead with
the divorce. See what changes in your
behaviour can make him/her rethink the
decision
 if he wants to leave because you are still in
touch with your ex, consider how you can
prove to her that you have really moved on
and you are completely faithful.

37.  It might be difficult if your spouse wants to leave
because he/she is having an affair, but even
here you can agree to give him/her whatever
she felt was lacking in the marriage like
emotional support, understanding and more
appreciation.
 However stay away from whining, complaining
or giving evidence of your neediness. Instead of
pressurizing your spouse or defending yourself
with arguments, prove your willingness to
improve your marriage by actual noticeable
changes in your behavior. On the whole, be
calm, positive and pleasant these may not
immediately make him/her reverse the decision
but will convince him/her that things can change
and need not proceed to the point of no return.

38. Seek professional help
 he/she continues to be adamant about a divorce or if
is unfaithful, abusive or anything that puts your life
and marriage at grave risk, suggest seeking marital
counselling.
 Even if partner wife does not agree to go with you,
start going to a counsellor by yourself.
 Therapy can help immensely in uncovering the
source of conflict and suggesting practical, impartial
and effective ways of resolving marital differences.
 But more than that it can also let you know when the
pros of a divorce outweigh the cons and it may make
more sense to part ways in which case you may
think of making an appointment with a divorce
lawyer.

39. I FORGIVE YOU
.....................
FOR THE SAKE OF MY
OWN PEACE OF MIND
 Dr Ashwini Vivek : Consulting @
 Inamdar Multispeciality Hospital, Pune
 REMEDIC Clinic Bajirao Rd Pune
 Rucha Clinic Kondhwa Pune
 M: 9822874215