BUSINESS FINANCE BBUS350Stock Portfolio ProjectObjectiveTh.docx

BUSINESS FINANCE BBUS350
Stock Portfolio Project
Objective
The framework for financial decision-making always requires a
risk and return tradeoff. The levelof risk that an investor is
willing to take on should be rewarded with an acceptable level
of
return. Conversely, a required rate of return is accompanied
with a certain degree of risk that
limits unreasonable returns. This project seeks to demonstrate
that the world of stock investing
exhibits equilibrium pricing and well-defined risk and return
tradeoff for all participants.
Goals
Completion of this project should provide participants with an
understanding of how equityinvesting is affected by stock
selection, therelative risks of each stock choice, and how riskis
defined and controlled through portfoliocreations. Upon
completion of the project,participants are expected to be
familiar withconcepts of rates of return along varioustemporal
dimensions, stand-alone risk, portfoliorisk, and where to locate
stock performanceinformation leading to a cursory ability to
conductequity research.
Solution
A cross section of publicly traded companies isselected by each

participant as their research assignment. Individual securities
are analyzed fortheir respective historical risk-return tradeoff
performance. In Part 2 of this project, analystsare grouped
together to construct a well-diversified portfolio of equity
securities and are taskedto find an optimal portfolio
construction.
Project Outline
The final set of deliverables for this analysis is a multi-page
executive summary along with
appendices supporting your assessments as securities analysts.
The project consists of finding
financial information on selected equity securities. Information
about securities must be gleaned from various University of
Washington subscription databases and other free internet
sources.
All collected information is analyzed using a business-accepted
electronic spreadsheet for ease
of estimation and communication. The results of the analyses
are reported, presented, and
discussed.
EQUITY PORTFOLIO ANALYSIS I— INDIVIDUAL

DIRECTIONS
1. Stock selections
Select ten (10) different stocks from the universe of NYSE and
NASDAQ stocks. The stocks
selected must meet all of the following criteria:
o Actively traded on either the New York Stock Exchange or
NASDAQ
o Continuously active for the past 3 years. (Must have a beta
measure)
o A company profile on Mergent Online
o Two (2) stocks must be in the same industry (2-digit SIC
code matched)
o Four (4) different industries must be represented among the
stocks (2-digit SIC code)
There are numerous stock exchanges in the United States and
many more world-wide.
However, for purposes of this project, the analysis is limited to
stocks traded on the largest two
domestic equity exchanges.
2.Sources of Information
You must have an active UWNetId account inorder to access
certain databases of requiredcompany information. Other

information may besourced from various online websites that
are notsubscription based. Please view the USF Librarycourse
guide webpage for a comprehensive listof available websites
and databases through theuniversity at
http://guides.lib.uw.edu/c.php?g=342001&p=2300131
A. Mergent Online: This database is sourced through the
university librarysystem. Access will require an active NetID
and may require on-campusconnection.
B. Mint Global: This database is available through the
universitylibrary system.
C. Google Finance and/or Yahoo!Finance: Both of these
websites are great sources forfinancial information. The
information provided by both is secondary information so agood
rule of thumb is if you obtain information from one website,
avoid mixing withanother for comparison purposes as the
original sources may be quite different thusleading to errors in
comparison.
D. Standard Industry Codes: The OSHA website has
descriptions of the four-digitindustry code. A newer coding
methodology called, the North American IndustryClassification
System (NAICS) is also provided for reference and comparison.
3. Describe the Stocks

Equity analysis is more than just identifying which securities
will perform the best. It isunderstanding the interactions among
the different investment options. While it is assumed
thatinvestments are expected to increase in value, stocks vary
by who they are, what they do, andhow the market interprets
their actions. Analysis of a stock must therefore begin with an
understanding of what the underlying asset does and how it
operates.
STOCK DESCRIPTION: Locate the stocks’ Mergent Online or
Mint Global company profiles.Make a note of what the company
does, its size, its growth opportunities, its businessmodel, and
other important market information about it.
COMPANY PROFILE: Identify a company profile for each of
your stockselections. At a minimum, make sure the print out
includes the company name, descriptionand ticker symbol.
INDUSTRY: From the various data sources previously listed,
determine the company’sindustry classification (SIC and/or
NAICS).
4. Past performance analysis
The purpose of this activity is to assess the market performance
of different stocks to developmeaningful forecasts about their

future potential. In order to produce understandable
decisioncritical knowledge, an analyst should review past
market performance to assess factors thatcontribute to a stock’s
valuation. In this section, individual stock returns are analyzed
for standalone risk-return characteristics as described in the
course textbook.
PAST STOCK PRICES: Obtain monthly price and dividend data
for each of your ten stocksfrom Yahoo!Finance. You may use
any other source, but the suggested database has amonthly date
selection feature.
The analysis time frame is Jan 1st, 2017 through Dec31st , 2019
§ Open a web browser to http://finance.yahoo.com
§ In the “Quote Lookup” search box (left hand side), enter the
name or ticker symbol of
§ your first stock.
§ From the Company Analysis page, click on “Historical
Prices” (left hand column, 5th line
§ down)
§ On Historical Prices page, “Set Date Range” “Start Date” to
July 1st, 2016 and “End Date” to July 1st, 2019.
§ Check box on “Monthly” and click “Get Prices”.
§ Place cursor over “Download to Spreadsheet” (bottom of

stock price table); Save thefile as “Stock1.csv”
§ Check box on “Dividends Only” and click “Get Prices”.
§ Place cursor over “Download to Spreadsheet” (bottom of
stock price table); Save thefile as “Dividend1.csv”
§ Repeat steps 1-8 for the other four selected stocks. Make sure
to label each filecorrectly as Stock# or Dividend# 2-5.
SPREADSHEET DATA SETUP - STOCK PRICES: Create a
new workbook using your
spreadsheet program of choice. Copy the pricing data from each
of the Stock#.csv files.
§ Open the file “Stock1.csv” from inside the spreadsheet
program. A worksheet should
§ open with seven columns with the headings: DATE, OPEN,
HIGH, LOW, CLOSE,VOLUME, ADJ CLOSE.
§ Delete all columns except for DATE and ADJ CLOSE.
(Adjusted Close is a modifiedend-of-day closing price that takes
into account any stock splits over the life of thecompany.)
§ Label the ADJ CLOSE as the ticker symbol for Stock1.
§ Open “Stock2.csv” from inside the spreadsheet program. A
worksheet should openwith seven columns with the headings:
DATE, OPEN, HIGH, LOW, CLOSE, VOLUME,ADJ CLOSE.
§ Copy the entire column of ADJ CLOSE from Stock2.csv to a

column adjacent theclosing prices of Stock1. Make sure
monthly prices line up correctly.
§ Label ADJ CLOSE as the ticker symbol for Stock2.
§ Repeat steps 4-6 for the three other selected stocks. Make
sure to label each columncorrectly as ticker symbol for the
stock.
o NOTE: Make sure to line up prices with the correct month.
§ Save the workbook as “PORTFOLIO” .xls, .xlsx, .numbers,
etc.
The process may differ slightly depending on operating system
and spreadsheet program. Oneof the main objectives with this
project is to practice spreadsheet analysis - so figure it out
foryour particular spreadsheet program!
DATA SETUP - DIVIDEND PAYOUTS: Add dividend
information to the stock priceworkbook.
§ Open the PORTFOLIO workbook.
§ Next to each stock price column, insert a blank column to the
right of the stock pricesfor each Ticker.
§ Label the new column, “Tickersymbol_D”. This column is
where any dividend payoutwill be placed.
§ Manually enter (type) each dividend payout ($) to the cell
according to the Date paid.The dividend paid date month should
be on the same row as the stock price datemonth. *If two

dividends are paid in the same month for a stock, enter the sum
of bothdividends for the month.
§ NOTE: Some stocks do not payout dividends. In those cases,
leave the cells blank.
DATA ANALYSIS I: Calculate stock returns
1. Create a column to the right of each dividend column.
Label the columns “Return”.This column is a where monthly
percent change will be calculated based on each stock’s monthly
price movements.
2. Each row will reflect the percent change from the
beginning of the month stock price to the end of the month
stock price (which is also the beginning of the next
month’sstock price).
3. Price change, or monthly return, is calculated from the
formula: (Pt+1- Pt+ Dt) / Ptwhere Pt+1is the month ending
price, Pt is the month beginning price, and Dt is any dividends
paid during the month.
4. Copy and paste the formula into each cell for the
remaining months.
5. Repeat steps 1-4 for each of the remaining four stocks.
DATA ANALYSIS: Calculate stock returns (cont’d)

§ For ease of reading, format all price data to two (2) decimal
points; dividend data tothree (3) decimal points; and return data
to percentage (%) with one (1) decimal point.
§ Label a row below the data: “Mean Return”.
§ In Microsoft Excel, the formula is “=average(range:range)”
where range encompasses allthe cells you wish to calculate the
mean.
STAND ALONE RISK: Below each Mean Return cell,create a
cell that estimates thestandard deviation of each stock’s 35
monthly returns.
§ Label a row below the Mean Return row: “Std Deviation”.
§ In Microsoft Excel, the formula is “=STDDEV(range:range)”
where range encompassesall the cells you wish to calculate
standard deviation.
COEFFICIENT OF VARIATION: Below each stand alone risk
measure, create a cell thatestimates the risk per unit of return of
each stock’s 35 monthly returns.
§ Label a row below the Std Deviation row: “Coefficient of
Variation”
§ The formula is Std Deviation / Mean Return for each stock.
CORRELATION COEFFICIENT: This step requires some data
copying and reorganization. Inthis step, you are calculating

correlation coefficients among your ten stocks. In order to
dothis efficiently, monthly returns need to be lined up and
adjacent each other in a worksheet.
§ Create a new blank worksheet (tab) in your workbook.
§ Copy the entire spreadsheet of dates, prices, dividends, and
returns. (Highlight all the cells and click “Copy” or press
“Control + C”).
§ On the new blank worksheet, paste “VALUES” under Paste
Special (Right button mouse click). If you don’t paste the
copied cells as values, you will paste the formulas instead and
not have the return value columns.
§ Delete all columns except monthly returns. Keep the first row
for Stock Ticker Labels.
§ You should have 10 adjacent columns of 35 rows
representing monthly return for each of your tenstocks.
§ Activate and select the Data Analysis tab in MS Excel. If you
have not used the Data Analysis tab before, contact the UWB IT
Helpdesk to have them help you activate it. Each spreadsheet
program handles statistical analysis differently. These
directions are for MS Excel only.
§ With the returns only worksheet open, click on “Data”, “Data
Analysis”, then “Correlation”. Input range should be all
populated cells in the spreadsheet. If you include the label row
in the input range, make sure to click the “Labels in the First
Row” box.

§ Make the “Output range” somewhere next to your data.
Output will be a six-by-six array of data. Press “OK”.
§ Correlation coefficients ranges from -1.0 through +1.0.
Determine which two (2) of your stocks have the:
1. Greatest, most positive correlation coefficient (closest to
+1.0). These are “HI-COR”stocks.
2. Lowest, most negative correlation coefficient (closest to -
1.0). These are “LO-COR”stocks.
CALCULATE PORTFOLIO RETURNS: In this section,
portfolio risk return characteristics are estimated. Three (3)
portfolios are retroactively created to validate weighted
portfolio returns
and diversification through correlation.
A. H-COR Portfolio
1. On the data worksheet, create a new column on the far
right of the data. Label this column “HI-COR”.
1. Identify which two stocks have the most positive
correlation coefficient. Make asynthetic, equally weighted
portfolio of these two stocks. For each month of returns take the
average of the combined stock returns. So for Jan 2017 the
portfolio return is =average(HCOR1 returns, HCOR2 returns).
Do the same for all 35 months of the estimationperiod.

2. Just like for each individual stock, calculate HI-COR’s
average portfolio returns at the bottom of the monthly data.
3. Calculate HI-COR’s standard deviation of portfolio
returns at the below average returns. Calculate HI-COR’s
coefficient of variation below Std deviation.
B. LO-COR Portfolio
1. Repeat Steps 1-5 for L-COR. The portfolio monthly return
of L-COR is the monthlyaverage of the two stocks defined with
the lowest correlation coefficient.
C. All Stock Portfolio
1. The last synthetic portfolio is comprised all tenselected
stocks equally weighted. Explained a different way, if you had
invested $5,000 in these stocks, you would have purchased
$1,000 of each share (no matter what the per stock prices were
at the time of purchase). Each stock had the same dollar value
to you when you made the purchase.
2. Create a new column and label it “ALL”.
3. The ALL portfolio monthly return is the average of all
tenstocks monthly returns by month. So the ALL monthly return
for February 2017 is the sum of February 2017 returns for
Stock1, Stock2, Stock3, Stock4, … , and Stock 10 all divided by
ten.
4. Just like for the other portfolios, calculate ALL’s average

portfolio returns at the bottom of the monthly data.
5. Calculate ALL’s standard deviation of portfolio returns at
the below average returns.
6. Calculate ALL’s coefficient of variation below Std
deviation.
STOCK BETA: Another metric of risk is beta which is defined
as the sensitivity of an asset
(stock) to the market. While you do not need to estimate beta
for your tenstocks, you
should know its beta value and how it is applied.
1. Look up each of your stock’s beta measure and list it at
the bottom of each return column in your data spreadsheet.
These values can be found in Yahoo!Finance or Google Finance.
2. All of the listed financial websites provide a beta measure
for your firm (unless it hasbeen public for less than 5 years).
INDIVIDUAL ANALYSIS
INDIVIDUAL STOCK DISCUSSION
1. Which of your ten stocks had the greatest average
monthly return? (and value)
2. Which of your tenstocks had the least average monthly
return? (and value)
3. Which of your tenstocks had the highest stand-alone risk?

(and value)
4. Which of your tenstocks had the least stand-alone risk?
(and value)
5. Which of your tenstocks had the greatest beta measure?
(and value)
6. Which of your tenstocks had the smallest beta measure?
(and value)
7. Order your stocks three different ways:
A. Highest average return to lowest average return
B. Highest standard deviation to lowest standard deviation
C. Highest beta to lowest beta
D. Does the theory that “higherreturns is accompanied with
higherrisk” hold for your tenindividual stocks? Discuss in terms
of your stocks.
8. Is your highest stand alone risk stock the same as your
greatest beta measure stock?Why do you suppose that is or
isn’t?
9. Is your lowest stand alone risk stock the same as your
lowest beta measure stock? Does standard deviation and beta
always show the same results? Should it?
10. If you are a risk adverse investor and could only choose
one stock to invest in, which would it be and why?
STOCK PORTFOLIO DISCUSSION
1. Should stocks in the same industry have higher or lower

correlation than different industrystocks? Explain.
2. Was your HI-COR portfolio comprised of the two stocks
you selected from the same industry?What makes these two
company’s market performance similar?
3. Which portfolio had lower stand alone risk, HI-COR or
LO-COR? Is this what you would
4. expect? Why or why not?
5. State a definition of “diversification” in terms of
correlation (as it is explained by theory, notyour results)
6. Indicate the range of standard deviation among your
tenstocks.
7. What is the standard deviation of the ALL portfolio?
8. Is the risk of the ALL portfolio closer the highest stock
standard deviation or closer to the lowest stock standard
deviation?
9. Discuss the meaning of the following statements: The
standard deviation of any portfolio of stocks can never be
higher than the highest individual stock standard deviation.
However, a portfolio’s standard deviation can be lower than the
lowest individual stock standard deviation. [The corollary to
this is a portfolio’s stand alone risk could be zero even when
individual stocks each have a lot of stand alone risk.]
10. Describe one scenario that you could employ to reduce
stand alone risk in your ALL portfolio if you had constructed
the portfolio three years ago. That is, if you had to invest in

each of the tenstocks, how might your portfolio construction
and allocation be different to maximize risk reduction?
11. If given a choice a choice to invest in a single mutual fund
(a diverse group of assets) or invest in your own
stock/bonds/asset selections, which would you rather do and
why?
12. After answering this question, read this article by Money
Magazine: http://money.us/XcZIco
DELIVERABLES
A. Excel Workbook (.xls, .xlsx) of ten(10) stock analysis.
B. Word Document (.doc, .docx, .pdf) of Individual Stock
and Stock Portfolio discussions.
To be submitted on Canvas (see Canvas for due date).
a

SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL,
A
COM E D Y;
AS IT IS PERFOR.MED AT THE
THE A T R S-R 0 r A L,
IN
LON DON
AND
DUB LIN.
D U 9: LIN:
PRINTED IN THE YEAR, M,DGC,LXXX.
The title-page of the first published (pirated) edition of
The School for Stat/dal

:':rJa;
'1,,: ,.',1 ,'1,:,,1 m.ly be
, jJr"':.:;:'l:ici by r;')llyrighf
IlIw (rifle 17 U, S, C";;C 1
I
I
DRAMATIS PERSONJ£
As acted at Drury Lane Theatre, May 17771
SIR PETER TEAZLE
SIR OUVER SURFACE
JOSEPH SURFACE
CHARLES SURFACE

CRABTREE
SIR BENJAMIN BACKlJITE
ROWLEY
MOSES
TRIP
SNAKE
CARELESS
SIR TOBY DUMPER
LADY TEAZLE
MARIA
LADY SNEER WELL
MRS. CANDOUR
Mr. King
Mr. Yates
Mr. Palmer
Mr. Smith
Mr. Parsons

Mr. Dodd
Mr. Aickin
Mr. Baddeley
Mr. La Mash
Mr. Packer
Mr. Farren
Mr. Gaudry
Mrs. Abington
Miss P. Hopkins
Miss Sherry
Miss Pope
A report of the lirst performance, in the Public Ad~crtjser, 9
May, noted that the
'gentlemen' (i.e. Charles's friends) were played by R. Palmer,
Norris, and Chaplin.
'Sir Harry Bumper' was tnken by J. S. Gaudry.
A PORTRAIT
Address'd to a Lady' with the Comcuv of the
g School for Scandal .
:s

ler Tell me, ye prim Adepts ill Scandal's School
th Who rail by Precept, and detmct by Rule,
ons
d
In
Icley
Lives there no Character so tri(:ti-so known
So deck'd with Grace-and so unlike vour ()WJ1-
That evenYUII assist her Fame tu raise,
Approve by Envy, and by Silence praise?
Jash Attend I-a model shall attract your vie'-
er Daughters of Calumny2:-1 summon YOU:-
~n You shall decide if this a Portrait prove,
:lry Or fond Creation of the Muse and Love. 10
£lgton Attend!-Ye Virgin Critics shrewd and sage,
Iopkins Ye Matron Censors of this Childish age,-
rry Whose peering Eye, and wrinkled Front declare
A flx'd Antipathy to Yotl1lg and Fair:
By Cunning cautious, or by Nature cold,
In maiden Malice virulently bold-

Attend-Ye skill'd to coin the precious Tale,
Creating Proof-where Innuendos fail!
Whose practic'd Mem'ries---<:ruelly exact-
Omit no Circumstance-except the Fact! 20
Attend!-All ye who boast-or Old or Young-
The living Libel of a Sland'rous Tongue!
So shall my Theme as far contrasted be
As Saints by Fiends-or Hymns by Calumny.
Come, gentle Amoret,S (-for 'neath that Name
ay, noted that the
In worthier Verse4 is sung thy Beauty's Fame)
'ris, and Qluplin. , Fl'l1nccs Anne Crewe (IUS-ISIS), wife
ofJohn, later first Lord Crewe (1742-1829).
The Criti( was dedicated to her mother, Frances Oreville.
, Harlan W. Hamilton, Dotlor Synta.'r, A Silhouette of William
Combe, Esq., 1742-
1823 (1969), pp. 58, 28/i, notes that in the iWortling POSI, 25
Feb., 31 Mar. 1777, ,he
play was called TIle S(hQol for Slallllcr. He suggests that
Sheridan changed the title

to achieve greater accuracy.
3 Frances Crewe. She was on very friendly terms with the
Sheridans for many
years.
-I See R. C. Rhodes, The Plays and Poems of• .• Sheridan, m.
199-200, for the sug-
222 THE SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL
Come-for but tlttt whom seeks the Muse ?-and while
Celestial Blushes check thy conscious Smile,-
With timid Grace, and hesitating Eye-
The perfect Model which I boast-supply! . 30
Vain Muse,-could'st Thou the humblest Sketch create
Of Her-or slightest Charm could'st imitate,-
Could thy blest Strain, in kindred Colours, trace
The faintest Wonder of her Form, or Face-
Poets would study the immortal Line,
And Reynolds' own his Art subdued by thintl
That Art I-which well might added Lustre give
To Nature's best I-and Heaven's superlative 1-

On Granby'sz Cheek might bid new Glories rise,
Or point a purer Beam from Devon's3 Eyes!- 40
Hard is the Task to shape that Beauty's Praise,
Whose Judgment scorns the Homage-Flatt'ry pays 1
But praising Amoret-we cannot err:-
No Tongue o'ervalues Heav'n-or flatters Her!
Yet She-by Fate's Perverseness I-She alone
Would doubt oui" Truth-nor deem such Praise her own.
Adorning Fashion-unadorn'd by Dress-
Simple from Taste-and not from Carelessness.
Discreet in Gesture, in Deportment mild,
Not stiff with Prudence, nor uncouthly wild- 50
No State has Amoret!-no studied Mien!
She apes no·Goddess!-and she moves no QJleen!
The softer Charm that in her Manner lies
Is fram'd to captivate, yet not surprise;
It justly suits th'Expression of her Face,-
'Tis less than Dignity-and more than Grace!
gestion that Sheridan's first wife gave the name of Amoret to
Mrs. Crewe in her poem
'Laura to Silvio', praising her 'gentle step and hesitating grace'.
He adds that this poem

is the 'worthier verse', and that Sheridan replied to it and
echoed some phrases in 'A
Portrait'. Charles Fox, however, also wrote verses to 'Amoret',
which are mentioned by
Horace Walpole in a letter of 2'1 May 1775, to William Mason.
t Sir Joshua Reynolds (I723-<JZ) painted three portraits of Mrs.
Crewe.
% Mary Isabella (Somerset), wife of Charles Manners, Marquis
of Granby, and after-
wards fourth Duke of Rutland. Cf. 'To Silvio' (T. Moore,
Memoirs of • .. Sheridull,
i. 204).
3 Georgiana (Spencer), first wife of William Cavendish, fifth
Duke of Devonshire.
The beauty of her eyes was constantly mentioned: cf. 'To Silvio'
(Moore, op. cit.,
i. ~04). Iris Palmer, Tile Fact without a Frow" (1944), p. 85.
mentions that the Devon-
shires were thought to be the originals of Sir Peter and Lady
Teazle.

i
L
use ?-and while
:mile, -
plyI
30
~st Sketch Create
litate, -
ucs, trace
'uce-
thitle!
stre give
lativel-
,des risc,
yes 1- 40

r's Praise
~1 ' att'ry pays!
rs Her!
alone
1 Praise her OlPlI.
ss-
~ssness.
,
lild- 50
!
.Qpcenl
s
race!
:. Crewe in her poem
l adds that this poem
( some phrases in 'A
:ch are mentioned by

. Crewe.
,fGranby, and after-
,irs of . •• Sherid411,
)uke of Devonshire.
ie' (Moore, ep. cit.,
ens that the Devon-
A PORTRAIT 213
On her pure Cheek the native Hue is such,
That form'd by Heav'n to be admir'd so much,
The Hand that made her with such partial Care,
Might well have fix'd a fainter Crimson there, 60
And bade the gentle Inmate of her Breast,
Inshrined Modesty!-supply the Rest.
But Who the Peril of her Lips shall paint?-
Strip them of smiles-still, still all words were faint!
But moving-Love himself appears to teach
Their Action-tho' denied to rule her Speechl
And Thou,-who seest her speak-ano dost not hcar,

Mourn not her distant Accents 'scape thine ear,
Viewillg those Lips-thou still may'st make pretence
To judge of what she says-and swear 'tis Sense;
Cloath'd with such Grace, with such Expression fraught,
They move in meaning, and they pause in Thought!
But do'st thou further watch, with charm'll Surprise,
The mild Irresolution of her Eyes?
Curious to mark-how frequent they repose
In brief Eclipse, and momentary close?
Ahl-see'st Thou not I-an ambush'd Cupid there-
Too tim'rous of his Charge I-with jealous care
Veils, and unveils those Beams of heav'nly Light,
Too full-too fatal eL~e for mortal Sight! 80
Nor yet-such pleasing Vengeance fond to meet-
In pard'ning Dimples hope a safe retreat,
What tho' her peaceful Breast should ne'er allow
Subduing Frowns to arm her alter'd Brow,
By Love! I swear-and by his gentler wiles 1-
More fatal still-the Mercy of her Smiles I
Thus lovely!-thus adorn'd!-possessing all
Of bright, or fair-that can to woman fall,
The Height of Vanity might well be thought
Prerogative in her,-and Nature's Fault;
Yet gentle Amoret-in mind supreme

As well as Charms-rejects the vainer Theme;
And half mistrustful of her Beauty's store
She barbs with Wit-those Darts too keen before.
Grac'd by those signs-which Truth delights to own,
The timid Biush,-and mild submitted Tone-
100
THE SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL
Whate'er she says-tho' Sense appear throughout-
Bears the unartful Hue of female Doubt.
Deck'd with that Charm, how lovely Wit appears.
How graceful Science when that Robe she wears!
Such too her Talents, and her Bent of Mind
As speak a sprightly Heart-by Thought refin'd:

A Taste for Mirth-by Contemplation school'd;
A Turn for Ridicule-by Candour rul'dj
A Scorn of Folly-which she tries to hide;
An awe of Talent-which she owns with Pride.
Peace idle Muse!-no more thy Strain prolong,
But yield a Theme, thy warmest Praises "'Tong,
Just to her Merit tho' thou canst not raise
Thy feeble Verse-behold th'acknowledg'd Praise no
Has spread Conviction thro' the envious Train,
And cast a fatal Gloom o'er Scandal's Reign!
And Lo! each pallid Hag, with blister'd Tongue,
Mutters Assent to all thy Zeal has sung,
Owns all the Colours just-the Outline true,
Thee my Inspirer-and my Model-CREWE!
roughout-
t appears.

e wears! roo
lind
refin'd:
:hool'd;
e',
Pride.
prolong,
wrong,
e
'd Praise no
Train,
ign!
rongue,

ue,
WE!
PROLOGUE
Spoken by Mr. King
Written by D. G(mick, Esqr.
A School for SCllndllt! tell me I beseech you
Needs there a School this modish art to teach you?
No need of lessons 'lOW the knowing think:
We might as well be taught to Eat, and drink:
Caus'd by a Dearth of Scandal, should the Vapours
Distress our Fair ones,-Iet 'Em read the Papers-
Their pow'rful Mixtures such disorders hit
Crave what they will, there's ,/Illil/tum SlIjJicit.
'Lud' cries I'i}' Lady Wf)rmwflfld, who loves Tattle,
And puts much Salt and pepper in her prattle; 10
Just ris'n at Noon, all Night at Cards when threshing;
Strong Tea and Scandal, 'bless me how refreshing!
Give me the Papers Lisp-how bold, and free-{sips)

Last Night Lord L- (sips) was caught with Lady D-
For aching heads what charming Sal Volatile! (sips)
IfMrs. B: will still continue flirting,
We hope she'll draw, or we'll tm-draw the Curtain.
Fine Satire poz-in publick all ahuse it-
But by Ourselves,-(sips) our praise we can't refuse it.
Now Lisp read )'ou-ther~ at that dash and Star'-(sips)
'Yes Ma'am-a certain 'Lord had best beware,
Who lives not twenty Miles from Grosv'nor Square
For should he Lady fV find willing,
Wormwood is bitter'-'O that's me the villain
Throw it behind the fire, and never more,
Let that vile paper come within my door.'
Thus at our friends we laugh, who feel the Dart-
To reach our feelings, we ourselves must Smart.
Is our Young Bard so young to think that He
Can Stop the full Spring-tide of Calumny- 30
Knows he the World so little and Its trade?
Alas, the Devil is sooner rais'd, than laid-

SO strong, so swift, the Monster there's no gagging;
Cut Scandal's head off":""still the tongue is wagging.
Proud of your Smiles once lavishly bestow'd
Again our young Don Quixote takes the road:
To shew his Gratitud(.>--hc draws his pen,
And seeks this Hydra-Scandal in Its den
From his fell gripe the frighted filiI' to save
Tho he should £,ll-th'attempt must ple.tsc the brave. 40
For your applause, all perils he woukl through,
He'll fight, that's write, a Gwallicl'O true,
Till Ev'ry drop of Blood, that's Ink, is spilt for YOl••
, gagging;
wagging.
'd
ad:
~ the brave.

ugh,
t for YOIl.
Act ISt
Scmc HI
LADY SNEER WELL'S' HOllse
LADY SNEER WELL til tile "rwing Tllbie
SN A KE drinkillg CllOco/;zte.
LADY SNEER WELL. The Paragraphs you say, Mr. Snake,
were all
inserted?
SNAKE. They were Madam-and as I copied them myself in a
feign'd
Hand there can be no suspicion whence they came.-

LA DY SNEER. Did you circulate the Report of Lady Brittle's
Intrigue with
Captain Boastall ?
SN AKE. That is in as fine a Train as your Ladyship could
wish.-In the
common course of Things, I think it must reach Mrs. Oackit's'
Ears
within four and twenty Hours and then you know rhe Business
is as
~u~ ro
LADY SNEER. Why truly Mrs. Clackit has a very pretty Talent,
and a
great deal of industry.
SNAKE. True madam and has been tolerably successful in her
day. To
my Knowledge-she has been the cause of six matches being
broken
off, and three sons being disinherited, of four forced
Elopements,
as many close confinements, nine separate maintenances, and
two
Divorces.-nay, I have more than once traced her causing a Tete-

a-
Tete in the Town and Country MagazineJ-when the Parties
perhaps
have never seen each other's Paces before in the course of their
Lives.
, There is a critic named Sneerwell in Fielding's Pasquin ('736),
but he seems like
Lady Sneerwell only when he says, 'Consider, sir, I am my own
enemy.'
• Mrs. Clackit is a character in Gay's Tlte Distress'd Wifo. The
name is also used in
a story in the Town and Country Magazine, iii (J771), 242.
; This monthly periodical began in Jan. 1769, and in its first
number declared, 'we
flatter ourselves that the. anecdotes we shall be able to furnish,
will be the means of
handing down to posterity a lively idea of the prevailing
beauties, and their most
zealous admirers, of this aera'. These were the bllSis of the
Tete-a,Tete, in which a
scandalous intrigue between a man and woman in fashionable
life was described in

plausible detail, and illustrated with portraits of the parties
concerned. Their identities
were also suggested by pseudonyms or initials. The authors of
these pieces were
apparently men named Beaufort and Cancioli: see E. H. W.
Meyerstein, A Lift of
Thomas Chatterton (I930), p. 404.
:::~8 THE SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL
LADY SNEER. She certainly has Talents, but her manner is
gross. 20
SNAKE. 'Tis very true-she generally, designs well-has a free
tongue
and a bold invention-but her colouring is too dark and her
outline
often extravagant. She wants that delicacy of Hint-and
mellowness of
sneer which distinguish your Ladyship's Scandal.
LADY SNEER. Ah! you are Partial Snake.
SNAKE. Not in the least-everybody allows that Lady Sneerwell

can do
more with a word or a Look, than many can with the most
labour'd
Detail even when they happen to have a little truth on their side
to
support it.
LADY SNEER. Yes my dear Snake, and I am no Hypocrite to
deny the 30
satisfaction I reap from the Success of my Efforts--wounded
myself
in the early Part of my Life by the envenom'd Tongue of
Slander
I confess I have since known no Pleasure equal to the reducing
others,
to the Level of my own injured Reputation-.
SNAKE. Nothing can be more natural-But Lady Sneerwell-
There is
one affair in which you have lately employ'd me wherein I
confess
I am at a Loss to guess your motives.
LADY SNEER. I conceive you mean with respect to my

neighbour Sir
Peter Teazle and his Family?
SNAKE. I do; here are two young men, to whom Sir Peter has
acted as 40
a kind of Guardian since their Father's death, the elder
possessing the
most amiable Olaracter and universally well spoken of, the
other the
most dissipated and extravagant young Fellow in the Kingdom
with-
out Friends or Character-the former an avow'd Admirer of your
Ladyship, and apparently your Favourite; the latter attached to
Maria,
Sir Peter's ward-and confessedly belov'd by her-now on the face
of
these circumstances it is utterly unaccountable to me why you,
the
Widow ofa City Knight with a good Jointure-should not close
with the
Passion of a man of such character and expectations as Mr.
Surface-
and more so why you should be so uncommonly earnest to
destroy the 50
mutual Attachment-subsisting between his brother Charles, and

Maria.
LADY SNEER. Then at once to unravel this mystery-I must
inform
you that Love has no share whatever in the intercourse between
Mr.
Surface and me.
SNAKE. No!
LADY SNEER. His real attachmt:nr IS to Maria or her Fortune-
but
finding in his Brother a favour'd Rival He has been obliged to
mask
his Pretensions-and profit by my Assistance.
SNAKE. Yet still I am more puzzled why you should interest
yourself
in his Success- 60
LADY SNE,ER. Heav'nsl how dull you. are!,-cannot you
surmise the
weakness which I hitherto thro' shame have conceal'd even from
you?
-must I confess iliat Charles-that Libertine, that extravagant-

that
ACT I, SCENE I 2Zg
lner is gross. 20
Bankrupt in Fortune and Reputation-that He it is for whom I am
-has a free tongue
thus anxious and malicious and to gain whom I would
sacrifice-rk and her outline
everything ?l·and mellowness of
SNAKE. Now indeed-your conduct appears consistent-hut how
came
YOU and Mr. Surface so confidential-
L.o'DY SNEER. For our mutual interest; I have found him out
it long timer Sneerwell can do
since-I know him to be artful selfish and malicious-in short, a
70the most labour'd
Sentimental' Knave. :h on their side to
SNAKE. Yet, Sir Peter vows He has not his equal in England-
and above

all-he praises him as a mlln ofSentiment-ocrite to deny the 30
LADY SNEER. True and with the assistance of his Sentiments
and -wounded myself
Hypocrisy he has brought him entirely into his Interest with
regard to 'ongue of Slander
Maria . . e reducing others,
Enter SERVANT.
eerwelI-There is SERVANT. Mr. Surface.
.vh erein I confess LADY SNEER. Shew him up. [Exit
SERVANT •
He generally calls about this Time-I don't wonder at People's
giving
him to me for a Lover- 80ny neighbour Sir
Ellter SURFACE.
Jeter has acted as 40 SURFACE. My dear Lady Sneerwell-how
do you do-to Day? Mr.
ler possessing the Snake your most Obedient.
of, the other the LADY SNEER. Snake has just been arraigning
me on our mutual attach-
~ Kingdom with- ment but I have informed him of our rcal
views-you know how useful
Admirer of your he has been to us-and believe me the

confidence is not ill placed.
ttached to Maria, SURFACE. Madam it is impossible for me to
suspect a man of Mr.
)w on the face of Snake's sensibility and discernment-
ne why you, the LADY SNEER. Well-well-no compliments
now-but tell me when you
not close with the saw y~ur Mistress Maria, or what is more
material to me your Brother-
IS Mr. Surface- SURF ACE. I have not seen either since I left
you-but I can inform you 90
!!it to destroy the 50 that they never meet-some of your Stories
have taken a good effect
.arles, and Maria. on Maria.
-I must inform LADY SNEER. Ah I my dear Snake the merit of
this belongs to you-but
rse between Mr. do your Brother's Distresses cncrease-?
SURFACE. Every-hour-I am told He has had another execution
in the
House yesterday-in short his Dissipation and extravagance
exceed

r Fortune-but any thing I ever heard of-
obliged to mask
I Cf. Mellefont's lines in Congreve's Thd Double-Dealer (1694),
I. i; 'None besides
you, and Maskwell, are acquainted with the Secret of my Aunt
Touchl1J(}od's violent
.nterest yourself Passion for me. Since my first refusal of her
Addresses, she has endeavour'd to do me
60 all ill Offices with my Uncle.•• .'
Given to moral reflections. See Erik Erametsd, A Study of tht
Word' S'lltimtlltal' ou surmise the 1
and ofather Linguistic Characteristics ofEighteenth Ctnlllry
Stntimenlalism in Ef/glalld
even from you? (Helsinki, 1951), pp. 27-39; and [Samuel
Richardson] A Collection ofMoral SmtitMnts
travagant-that (1755).

LADY SNEER. Poor Charles!
SURFACE. True Madam-notwithstanding his Vices one can't
help
feeling for him-aye, poor Charles! I'm sure I wish it was in my
Power roo
to be of any essential Service to him-for the man who does not
share
in the Distresses of a Brother, even tho' merited by his own
misconduct
-deserves-
LADY SNEER. 0 Lud you are going to be moral and forget that
you are
among Friends-
SURFACE. Egad that's true-I'll keep that sentiment 'till I see Sir
Peter,
however it is certainly a charity to rescue Maria from such a
Libertine
-who if He is to be reclaim'd can be so only by a Person of your

Ladyship's superior accomplishments and understanding.-
SNAKE. I believe Lady Sneerwell here's Company coming, I'll
go and lIO
Copy the Letter I mentioned to you.-Mr. Surface your most
Obedient. [E.t·it SNAKE.
SURFACE. Sir, your very devoted.-Lady Sneerwell, I am very
sorry
you have put any further confidence in that Fellow.
LADY SNEER. Why so?
SURFACE. I have lately detected him in frequent Conference
with old
Rowley who was formerly my Father's Steward, and has never,
you
know, been a Friend of mine.
LADY SNEER. And do you think he would betray us?
SURFACE. Nothing more likely: take my word for't Lady
SneerwelI, 120
that Fellow hasn't Virtue enough to be faithful even to his own

Villainy.-hah! Maria!
Enter MARIA.
LADY SNEER. Maria, my dear-how do you do-what's the
matter?
MARIA. 0 there is that disagreeable Lover of mine Sir
Benjamin Back-
bite has just call'd at my Guardian's, with his Odious Uncle
Crabtree-
so I slipt out and run hither to avoid them.
LADY SNEER. Is that all-?
SURFACE. If my Brother Charles had been of the Party, Ma'am,
per-
haps you would not have been so much alarmed.
LADY SNEER. Nay nOW-YOll are severe for I dare swear the
Truth of I30
the matter is Maria heard you were here;-but-my dear-what has
Sir Benjamin done that YOll should avoid him so--
MARIA. Oh He has done nothing-but tis for what he has said-
his

conversation is a perpetual Libel on all his Acquaintance.
SURFACE. Aye and the worst of it is there is no advantage in
not knowing
him; for He'll abuse a Stranger just as soon as his best Friend-
and his
Uncle's as bad.
LADY SNEER. Nay but we should make allowance, Sir
Benjamin is a Wit
and a Poet.
AL
ACT I, SCENE I z31
MARl A. For my part-lawn madam-Wit lo~s its respect with me
when 140lic~s one can't help
I oee it in company with malice.I-what do you think Mr.
Surface?.s11 It was in my Power 100 SURFACE. Certainly,
Madam, to smile at the jest which plants a Thorn inIn '~ho does
not share another's Breast is to become a principal in the
Mischief.Iy his Own misconduct

LADY SNEER. Pshaw!-there's no possibility of being witty-
without a
little ill nature-the malice of a good thing is the Barb that makes
itld forget that you are stick-what's your opinion, Mr. Surface?
SURFACE. To be sure madam-that conversation where the
Spirit ofIt 'till I see Sir Peter Raillery is suppress'd will ever
appear tedious and insipid-
from such a Libertin~
LADY SNEER. Well I'll not debate how far Scandal mav be
allowable-but
by a Person of your in a man I am sure it is always
contemptiblc;-we have Pride, envy, 150,tanding._
Rivalship, and a Thousand motives to depreciate each other-but
the
coming, I'll go and 110 male-Slanderer-must have the cowardice
of a woman before He can
Surface your most traduce one.
[Exit SNAKE. Ellter SERVANT.
~11, I am very sorry
w. SERVANT. Madam Mrs. Candour is below and if your
Ladyship's at

leisure will leave her earriage-
LADY SNEER. Beg her to walk in-Now Maria however here is
a Charac-:onference with old
ter to your Taste for tho' Mrs. Candour is a little talkative
Everybodyand has never, you
allows her to be the best natured and best sort of Woman-
MARIA. Yes with a very gross affectation of good Nature and
Benevol-?
ence-she does more Mischief than the Direct malice ofold
Crabtree.- 160-'t Lady Sneerwell, 120
SURFACE. 'Efaith 'tis very true Lady Sneerwell. Whenever-I
hear theI even to his own
current running against the Characters of my Friends I never
think
them in such Danger as when Candour undertakes their Defence.
LADY SNEER. Hush here she is -
It's the matter? Enter MRS. CANDOUR.
lir Benjamin Back-

MRS. CANDOUR. My dear Lady Sneerwell, how have you been
this s Uncle Crabtree- Century-Mr. Surface, what News do you
hear? tho' indeed it is no
matter, for I think one hears nothing else but Scandal-
SURFACE. Just so, indeed Madam-.'arty, Ma'am, per~
MRS. CAN DOUR. Ah! Maria Child-what is the whole affair
off between
you and Charles-His extravagance I presume-The Town talks of
170
wear the Truth of flO nothing else-
Iy dear-what has
MARIA. I am very sorry Ma'am, the Town has so little to do.
MRS. CANDOUR. True-true Child but there is no stopping
People's
he has said-his Tongues. T own I was hurt to hear it-as indeed I
was to learn from
:anee. the same quarter that your Guardian Sir Peter and Lady
Teazle have
ge in not knowing not agreed lately so well as could be wish'd.

t Friend-and his MARIA. 'Tis strangely impertinent for People
to busy themselves so-
3enjamin is a Wit cr. Steele's statement, 'I abhor ... that kind of
Wit which betl':lYs ha.rdness ofI
Heart' (Richard Stule's Periodical JOllfffalism, ed. R. Blanchard
(Oxford, 1959), p. 35)·
lone? People will
:erday, I was told
Flirt-but Lord! 180
e I had this from
'ull but the world
·who would have
1 yet such is the
last Week just as
ancing master.
~eport-
: swear, no more 190
7 Mrs. Festino's!
latter was never

i::e is monstrous
such things are
:e as bad as the
Jne-but what's
Ie from talking? 200
neymoon-were
r acquaintances
t st.r:et had got
rpnsmg manner
irm'd that Lord
rdinary Fame-
measure swords
uld report these
as bad as tale-
210
orbeal'ance and
to hear People
nces come out
lk the best-by
,lutely ruin'd-

eed-Ma'am.
l entertainments)
1776.
ACT I, SCENE I :l33
MRS. CANDOUR. Ah! I heard so-but you must tell him to keep
up his
Spirits-every body almost is in the same way-Lord Spindle,l Sir
Thomas Splint, Captain QIinze, and Mr. Nickit>-all up I hear
within 220
this Week! so if Charles is undone He'll find half his
Acquaintances
ruin'd too-and that you know is a consolation·-
SURFACE. Doubtless Ma'am-a very great onc-
Enter SERV ANT.
SERVANT. Mr. Crabtree and Sir Benjamin Backbite. [Exit
SERVANT.
LADY SNEER. Soh! Maria, You see your Lover pursues you.
Positively
you shan't escape-

Enter CRABTREE, ami SIR BENJAMIN BACKBITE.
CRABTREE. Lady Sneerwell-I kiss your hands-Mrs. Candour I
don't
believe you are acquainted with my Nephew Sir Benjamin
llackbite-
egad Ma'am-He has a pretty Wit-and is a pretty Poet too isn't He
Lady Sneerwell:- 230
SIR BENJ. 0 fie Uncle-
CRABTREE. Nay egad it's true. I'll back him at a Rebusl or a
Charade4 against the best Rhymer in the Kingdom-has your
Ladyship
heard the Epigram He wrote last week on Lady Frizzle's Feather
catch-
ing Fire? do Benjamin repeat it-or the Charade you made last
Night
extempore at Mrs. Drowzy's conversazione-come now your first
is
the Name of a Fish, your second a great Naval Commander-and
SIR BENJ. Uncle-now-prithee-
CRABTREE. Efaith Ma'am-'twould surprise you to hear how

ready He
is at these Things.- 240
LADY SNEER. I wonder Sir Benjamin you never publish any-
thing.
SIR BENJ. To say truth Ma'am 'tis very vulgar to Print, and as
my little
Productions are mostly Satires and Lampoons on particular
people
I find they circulate more by giving copies! in confidence to the
Friends
1 'Lord Spindle' was one of the figur~s in a pupp~t-show play
called The Auction
Room, given in the Grand Saloon of Ex~ter 'Change on 1.3
December 1776.
• 'Nick' was a winning throw at dice. To 'nick it' was to guess
correctly.
l Condemned by Addison in one of his papers on 'false wit': 'I
find likewise among
the Ancients that ingenious Kind of Conceit, which the Moderns
distinguish by the

Name of a Rebus, that does not sink a Letter but a whole Word,
by substituting a
Picture in its place' (The Spectator, ed. D. F. Bond (Oxford,
1965), i. 2S0}.
• Cf. R. Tiekell, The Wreath 0/Fasllion (I777), p. 7:
With chips of wit, and mutilated lays,
See Palmerstoll fineer his Bout's Rhimies.
Fav'rite of ev'ry Muse, elect of Phoebus,
To string Charades, or fabricate a Rebus.
• Cf. Poetical Amusemet/IS at a Villa near Bath (2nd edn.,
1776), i. p. v: 'The Editor
does not apprehend private confidence wounded in the present
publication, lIS the
greatest part of these poems were acknowledged by their
Authors in numerous IISsemb-
lies, and with their approbation copied and dispersed through
every quarter ofEngland.'

180
MRS. CANDOUR. Very true Child but what's to be done?
People will
talk-there's no preventing it.-why it was but yesterday, I was
told
that Miss Gadabout had eloped with Sir Filagree Flirt-but Lord!
there is no minding what one hears-tho' to be sure I had this
from
very good Authority.-
MARIA. Such Reports are highly scandalous-
MRS. CANDOUR. SO they are Child-shameful! shameful! but
the world
is so censorious, no character escapes-Lud now!-who would
have
suspected your Friend Miss Prim of an Indiscretion yet such is
the
ill nature of People that they say her Uckle stopt her last Week
just as

she was stepping into the York Diligence with her Dancing
master.
MARIA. I'll answer for't there are no grounds for the Report-
MRS. CANDOUR. Dh no foundation in the world I dare swear,
no more
probably than for the story circulated last month-of Mrs.
Festino's'
affair with Colonel Cassino-tho' to be sure that matter was
never
rightly clear'd up.
SURFACE. The Licence of invention some People take is
monstrous
indeed.
MARIA. 'Tis so-but in my opinion those who report such things
are
equally culpable.
MRS. CANDOUR. To be sure they are-Tale Bearers are as bad
as the
Tale makers-'tis an old observation and a very true one-but
what's

to be done as I said before-how will you prevent People from
talking?
-to Day Mrs. Clackit assur'd me Mr. and Mrs. Honeymoon-were
at last become mere man and wife like the rest of their
acquaintances
-she likewise hinted that a certain widow in the next street had
got
rid of her Dropsy and recover'd her shape in a most surprising
manner
-and at the same time Miss Tattle who was bye affirm'd that
Lord
Buffalo had discover'd his Lady at a house of no extraordinary
Fame-
and that Sir Harry Bouquet:! and Tom Saunter were to measure
swords
on a similar Provocation, but Lord! do you think I would report
these
Things? No-no Tale Bearers as I said before are just as bad as
tale-
makers.
SURFACE. Ah! Mrs. Candour-if everybody had your
Forbearance and
Good nature!

MRS. CANDOUR. I confess Mr. Surface 1 cannot bear to hear
People
Attack'd bel;1ind their Backs and when ugly circumstances
come out
against one's acquaintances 1 own I always love to think the
best-by
the bye I hope 'tis not truc;-that your Brother is absolutely
ruin'd-
SURFACE. '1 am afraid his circumstances are very bad indeed-
Ma'am.
I The seventh meeting of the 'Subscription Festinos' (Italianate
entertainments)
in Hanover Square, were advertised in the Public Advtrli!er, 25
Apr. I776.
> He appears again in Tile Camp.
200
210

~4 THE SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL
of the Parties-however I have some love-Elegies' which when
favour'd
-with this Lady's smiles I mean to give to the Public.
CRABTREE. 'Fore Heav'n Ma'am they'll immortalise you-you'll
be
handed down to Posterity like Petrarch's Laura or Waller's
Sacharissa ..
SIR DEN]. Yes Madam I think you will like them-when you
shall see
them on a beautiful Qyarto page where a neat rivulet of Text
shall 250
murmur thro' a meadow of margin.-'fore Gad they will be the
most
elegant Things of their Kind.
CRABTREE. But Ladies that's true have you heard the news?-
MRS. CANDOUR. What Sir, do you mean the Report of-

CRABTREE. No ma'am that's not it.-Miss Nicely is going to be
married
to her own Footman.
MRS. CANDOUR. Impossible!
CRABTREE. Ask Sir Benjamin.
SIR DEN]. 'Tis very true Ma'am-everything is fix'd and the
Wedding
Livery bespoke. 260
CRABTREE. Yes and they do say there were pressing Reasons
for't.
LADY SNEER. Why I have heard something of this before.
MRS. CANDOUR. It can't be-and I wonder anyone should
believe such
a story of so prudent a Lady as Miss Nicely.
SIR BEN]. 0 Lud ma'am that's the very reason 'twas believed at
once,-
she has always been so cautious and so reserved that every

Body was
sure there was some reason for it at bottom.
MRS. CANDOUR. Why to be sure a Talc of Scandal is as fatal
to the Credit
of a prudent Lady of her Stamp as a Fever is generally to those
of the
strongest Constitutions, but there is a sort of puny sickly
Reputation '7.70
that is always ailing yet will outlive the robuster Characters of a
hundred
Prudes.
SIR BEN]. True Madam there arc Valetudinarians in Reputation
as well
as constitution-who being conscious of their weak Part avoid
the
least breath of air and supply their want of Stamina by care and
circumspection.
MRS. CANDOUR. Well but this may be all a mistake-you know
Sir
Benjamin very trifling circumstances often give rise to the most
injurious Tales-

1 The Love Elegies (r743) of James Hammond (r71o-42) were
very well known,
but Sheridan may have intended a more personal jest at the
expense of the author of
Nuptial Elegies (r774). A copy of this work is listed in
Sotheby's Catalogue of IS July
1929, item 288, as follows: 'Nuptial Elegies, vignette on title,
two leaves containing II
millluscnpt poem, "Sonnet to Mrs. Sheridan with Nuptial
Elegies," in six six-line
stanzas, bound before title, on verso of the second leaf (facing
the title) "From the
Author" in a contemporary hand ... .'
Z Edmund Waller (r6oH7) wrote verses to 'Sacharissa', Lady
Dorothy Sidney
(1617-84), afterwards Countess of Sunderland.
h when favout'd
YOU-you'll be
er's Sacharissa. a
:n you shall see

:t of Text shall 250
will be the most
:wst-
g to be married
:l the Wedding
260
ions for't.
~d believe such
ved at once,-
very Body was
I to the Credit
o those of the
Iy Reputation 270
, of a hundred
tation as well
Irt avoid the
by care and

)u know Sir
to the most
y well known,
. the author of
gue of IS July
s con taining a
n six six-line
e) "From the
rothy Sidney
ACT I, SCENE I 235
CRABTREE. That they do I'll be sworn Ma'am-did you ever
hear how 280
Miss Pipet came to lose her Lover and her Character last
Summer at
Tunbridge ?-Sir Benjamin you remember it-
SlR BEN]. 0 to be sure the most whimsical Circumstance-
LADY SNEER. How was it Pray?

CRABTREE. Why one Evening at Mrs. Ponto's Assembly the
conversation
happen'd to turn on the difficulty of breeding Nova-Scotia
Sheep in
this Country-says a young Lady in company, 'I have known
instances
of it for Miss Letitia Piper, a first cousin of mine, had a Nova-
Scotia
Sheep that produc'd her Twins.'-'whatl' cries the old Dowager
Lady
Dundizzy (who you know is as deaf as a Post) 'has Miss Piper
had 290
twins?' this Mistake as you may imagine threw the whole
company
into a fit of Laughing;-however 'twas the next morning
everywhere
reported and in a few Days believ'd by the whole Town, that
Miss
Letitia Piper had actually been brought to Bed of a fine Boy and
a Girl
-and in less than a Week there were People who could name the
Father,
and the Farm House where the Babies were put out to Nurse.

LADY SNEER. Strange indeed!
CRABTREE. Matter of Fact I assure you-O Lud Mr. Surface
pray is it
true that your Unkle Sir Oliver is coming homc-
SURF ACE. Not that I know of indeed Sir. 300
CRABTREE. He has been in the east Indies a long time-you can
Scarcely remember him-I believe-sad comfort whenever he
returns
to hear how your Brother has gone on.-
SURFACE. Charles has been imprudent Sir to be sure but I hope
no Busy
People have already prejudiced Sir Oliver against him-he may
reform-
SlR BEN]. To be sure He may-for my Part I never believed him
to be
so utterly void of Principle as People say-and tho' He has lost
all his
Friends I am told no body is better spoken of-by the Jews.

CR~BTREE. That's true egad nephew-if the old Jewry wece a
Ward 310
I believe Charles would be an alderman-no man more popular
there
-foregad I heac He pays as many annuities' as the Irish Tontine'
, 'My Lord Winterbottom ... though he is litrle more than thirty
years of age,
pays to Jew Annuitants the moderate sum of 5700 I. only out of
an estate of 9000 I.
per Annum.' (Robert Bage, Barham DolVtIS (1784), i. II9.)
2 Lorenzo Tonti, a seventeenth-century Neapolitan banker,
invented the scheme
named after him, by which contributors to a loan were paid an
annuity during their
lifetime and it grew in size as the number of subscribers died.
The last to remain toa!.::
the whole. The Irish government set up a tontine to help pay off
its debts. An advertise-
ment of the 'English Tontine Annuities' in the LOlldoll Er,ening
Post, 2B-30 Sept. 1775,
claimed that its benefits were greater than those of the 'Irish
Tontine': '.1 subscription

of 100 1. in the Irish Tontine (which filled with such rapidity)
produced only 100 I. a
year, and 883 lives must drop before that sum could be
obtained; whereas, in this
Tontine, five guineas will produce 100 I. a year, or fifty guineas
lOOO I. II year, after the
fall of 499 lives only.'
and that whenever He's sick they have Prayers for the recovery
of his
Health in the Synagogue-
SIR BENJ. Yet no man lives in greater SpIendour:-they tell me
when He
entertains his Friends-He can sit down to dinner with a dozen'
of his
own Securities, have a score Tradesmen waiting in the Anti-
Chamber
and an Officer behind every Guest's Chair.
SURFACE. This may be entertainment to you Gentlemen but

you pay
very little regard to the Feelings of a Brother. 320
MA RIA. Their Malice is intollerable.-Lady Sneerwell I must
wish you
a good morning-I'm not very well- [Exit MARIA.
MRS. CANDOUR. 0 dear she chang'd colour very much-!
LADY SNEER. Do Mrs. Candour follow her-she may want
assistance.
MRS. CANDOUR. That I will with all my soul. Ma'am-poor
dear Girl-
who knows-what her situation may be! [Exit MRS. CANDOUR.
LADY SNEER. 'Twas nothing but that she could not bear to
hear Charles
reflected on notwithstanding their difference.
SIR BENJ. The young Lady's Penchant is obvious.
CRABTREE. But Benjamin-you mustn't give up the Pursuit for
that- 330
follow her and put her into good humour-repeat her some of
your
own Verses-come I'll assist you.

SIR BENJ. Mr. Surface I did not mean to hurt you-but depend
upon't
your Brother is utterly undone- [going.
CRABTREE. 0 Lud! aye-undone as ever man was-can't raise a
guinea.
[going.
SIR BENJ. And every thing sold-I'm told that was moveable.-
[going.
CRABTREE. I have seen one dlat was at his house-not a thing
left but
some empty Bottles that were over-Iook'd, and the Family
Pictures
which I believe are framed in the Wainscoat.- [going.
SIR BENJ. And I'm very sorry to hear also some bad stories
against him. 340
[going.
CRABTREE. 0 He has done many mean things-that's certain!
SIR BENJ. But however as He's your Brother- [going.

CRABTREE. We'll tell you all another opportunity.
[Exeunt CRABTREE and SIR BENJAMIN.
LADY SNEER. Ha, hal hal 'tis very hard for them to leave a
subject they
have not quite run down.
SURFACE. And I believe the Abuse was no more acceptable to
your
Ladyship than to Maria.
LADY SNEER. I doubt her Affections are farther engaged than
we
imagin'd but the Family are to be here this Evening so you may
as well
dine where you are and we shall have an opportunity of
observing 350
farther, in the meantime I'll go and Plot mischief and you shall
study
Sentiments- [EXBUlIt.

-I
e recovery of his
tell me when He
:h a dozen'ofhis
e Anti-Chamber
en but you pay
3·0
[ must wish you
[Exit MARIA.
ant assistance.
oar dear Girl-
RS. CANDOUR.
to hear Charles
'suit for that- 330
some of your

depend upon't
[going.
raise a guinea.
[going.
tble.-
[going.
thing left but
mily Pictures
[going.
: against him. 340
[going.
ain/
[going.
BENJAMIN.
subject they
lbIe to your

~d than we
may as well
If observing 350
shall study
[ExeUltt.
ACT I, SCENE II :1.37
Scene 2d
SIR PETER'S HOllse
Enter SIR PETER.
SIR PETER. When an Old Bachelor takes a young Wife-what is
he to
expectf-'Tis now Six Months since Lady Teazle made me the
hap-
piest of Men-and I have been the miserablest Dog ever since
that
ever committed wedlock ;-we tift a little going to church-and
came

to a Qyarrel before the Bells were done ringing-I was more than
once
nearly choak'd with gall during the Honeymoon-and had lost all
comfort in Life before my Friends had done wishing me Joy-yet
I chose with caution-a Girl bred whol[l]y in the country-who
never
knew Luxury beyond one silk Gown nor Dissipation above the
annual
Gala of a Race-Ball-yet now she plays her Part in all the
extravagant 10
Fopperies of the Fashion and the Town with as ready a Grace as
if she
had never seen a Bush nor a grass Plat out of Grosvenor-Square-
!
I am sneer'd at by myoId acquaintance-paragraph'd-in the news-
Papers-She dissipaters] my Fortune, and contradicts all my
Humours:
-Yet the worst ofit is I doubt I love her or I should never bear
all this
-However I'll never be weak enough to own it.
Enter ROWLEY.
ROWLEY. Oh, Sir Peter your Servant-how is it with you Sir-
SIR PETER. Very bad-Master Rowley-very bad. I meet with
nothing

but crosses and vexations-
ROWLEY. What can have happen'd to trouble you since
yesterday? zo
SIR PETER. A good-question to a married man.-
ROWLEY. Nay I'm sure your Lady Sir Peter can't be the cause
of your
uneasiness.
SIR PETER. Why has anyone told you she was dead?
ROWLEY. Come-come Sir Peter you love her notwithstanding
your
tempers do not exactly agree.
SIR PETER. But the Fault is entirely hers Master Rowley-I am
myself
the sweetest temper'd Man alive and hate a teizing Temper-and
so
I tell her a hundred Times-a day-
ROWLEY. Indeed! 30
SIR PETER. Aye and what is very extraordinary in all our
disputes she

is always in the wrong! but Lady Sncerwell and the Set she
meets at
her House encourage the perverseness of her Disposition-then to
complete my vex[a]tions-Maria-my Ward-whom I ought to have
the Power of a Father over-is determined to turn Rebel too-and
absolutely refuses the man whom I have long resolved on for
her
husband-meaning I suppose to bestow herself on his proiligate
. Brother.
-
40
ROWLEY. You know Sir Peter I have always taken the Liberty
to differ
with you on the subject of these two young Gentlemen.-I only
wish
you may not be deceiv'd in your opinion of the elder-for
Charles-my

life on't-He will retrieve his Errors yet-their worthy Father,
once
my honour'd master, was at his years nearly as wild a Spark-yet
when
he died, he did not leave a more benevolent heart to lament his
loss.
SIR PETER. You are wrong Master Rowley-on their Father's
Death
you know I acted as a kind of Guardian to them both-'till their
unk[l]e
Sir Oliver's eastern liberality gave them an early independance-
of
course no Person could have more opportunities of jUdging of
their
Hearts, and I was never mistaken in my Life. Joseph is indeed a
model
for the young men of the Age. He is a man of Sentiment-and
acts up
to the Sentiments he professes-but for the other take my word
for't
if he had any grains of Virtue by descent-he has dissipated them
with
the rest of his inheritance.-Ah 1 myoid Friend Sir Oliver will be
deeply

mortified when he finds how Part of his Bounty has been
misapplied-!
ROWLEY. I am sorry to find you so violent against the young
man because
this mav be the most critical Period of his Fortune-I carne
hither
with nevs that will surprise you.
SIR PETER. What I-let me hear-
ROWLEY. Sir Oliver is arrived and at this moment in Town.
SIR PETER. Howl-you astonish me. I thought you did not
expect him
this month 1-
ROWLEY. I did not-but his Passage has been remarkably quick.
SIR PETER. 'Egad I shall rejoice to see myoid Friend-'tis
Sixteen Years
since we met-we have had many a Day together, but does He
still
enjoin us not to inform his Nephews of his Arrival-?
ROWLEY. Most-strictly-he means before it is known to make
some

trial of their Dispositions.-
SIR PETER. Ah there needs no art to diseover their merits-!
however
he shall have his way-but pray does he know I am married?
ROWLEY. Yes and will soon wish you joy.
SIR PETER. What as we drink health to a Friend in a
Consumption-ah
Oliver will laugh at me-we used to rail at matrimony together-
but
He has been steady to his Text.-well He must be at my house
tho'
-I'll instantly give orders for his Reception-but Master Rowley-
don't drop a word that Lady Teazle and I ever disagree.
ROWLEY. By no means-
SIR PETER. For I should never be able to stand Noll's Jokes-so
I'd have
him think, Lord Forgive me, that we are a very happy couple.
ROWLEY. I-understand you-but then you must be very careful
not to

differ while He's in the House with you.
SIR PETER. 'Egad-and so we must-and that's impossible-ahl
50
60
70
80
e Liberty to differ
nen.-I only wish 40
-for Charles-my
rthy Father, once
Spark-yet when
rt to lament his
r Father's Death
-'till their unk[l]e
rldependance_of
judging of their
s indeed a mod el 50

cnt-and acts up
[e my word for't
ipated them with
'er will be deeply
~n misapplied_!
mg man because
-I came hither
own. 60
not expect him
Iy quick.
s Sixteen Years
It does He still
to make some
its-! however
,fried? 70
lsumption-ah
together-but
ny house tho'
;ter Rowley-

,-so I'd have
:ouple.
careful not to 80
Jossible-ah!
ACT II, SCENE I Z39
Master Rowley when an old Batchelor marries a young wile-He
deserves-no the Crime carries the Punishment along with it -
[Exeullt.
END OF ACT 1ST
Act 2d
SCelIe Ist.-SIR PETER TEAZLE's HOllse
Enter SIR PETER and LADY TEAZLE.
SIR PETER. Lady Teazle-Lady Teazle I'll not bear it.
LAD Y TEAZLE. Sir Peter-Sir Peter you-may bear it or not as
you please,

but I ought to have my own way in every thing, and what's more
I "ill
too-what! tho' I was educated in the country I know very well
that
women of Fashion in London are accountable to nobody after
they are
married.
SIR PETER. Very weill-Ma'am very weill so a husband is to
have no
influence, no authority 1
LADY TEAZLE. Authority! no to be sure-if you wanted
authority over
me you should have adopted me and not married me I am sure
you 10
were Old enough.

SIR PETER. Old enough!-aye there it is-well-well-Lady Teazle
tho' my Life may be made unhappy by your Temper-I'll not be
ruin'd by your extravagance.
LADY TEAZLE. My extravagance!-I'm sure I'm not more
extravagant
than a woman of Fashion ought to be. -
SIR PETER. No no Madam you shall throwaway no more sums
on such
unmeaning Luxury-'slife to spend as much to furnish your
Dressing
Room with Flow'rs in winter, as would suffice to turn the
Pantheon'
into a Green-house and give a Fete-Champetre at Christmas! zo
LADY TEAZLE. Lord! Sir Peter am I to blame because Flow'rs
are dear
in cold weather? you should find fault with the Climate and not
with
me. For my part I am sure I wish it was Spring all the year
round-and
that Roses grew under one's fcet!-

SIR PETER. Dons! Madam-if you had been born to this I
shouldn't
Wonder at your talking thus.-but you forget what your situation
was
when I married you.
• 'The much-tQlked-of Receptacle of fashionable Pleasure the
Pantheon...• The
whole Building is composed of II Suite of 14 Rooms, ••• each
affording II striking
Instance of the Splendour and Profusion of modern Times' (The
Publi( Allvertiser,
29 Jan. 177'1.). See the view ofthe interior by C. Brandoin
included in Johf/sof/'s England,
ed. A. S. Turberville (Oxford, 1933), i.344; and compare the
supper room at The Oaks
erected by Robert Adam for thefhe-champ~tre there, ii. liZ.
LADY TEAZLE. No-no--I don't-'twas a very disagreeable one
or I

should never have married you-
SIR PETER. Yes-yes madam you were then in somewhat an
humbler 30
Style-the Daughter of 11 plain country Squire-recollect Lady
Teazle
when I saw you first-sitting at your tambour in a pretty figured
Linnen
gown-with 11 Bunch of Keys by your side, your hair comb'd
smooth
over a Roll, and your apartment hung round with Fruits in
worsted
of your own working-
LADY TEAZLE. 0 Yes, I remember it very well, and a Curious
life I
led! My daily occupation to inspect the Dairy, superintend the
Poultry,
make extracts from the Family Receipt book and Comb my aunt
Deborah's Lap-Dog.

SIR PETER. Yes, yes, Ma'am, 'twas so indeed. 40
LADY TEAZLE. And then you know my evening amusements-
to draw
Patterns for Ruffles which I had not the Materials to make-to
play
Pope Joan with the Curate-to read a Novel to my Aunt-or to be
stuek
down to an old Spinnet-to strum my Father to sleep after a Fox
chase.
SIR PETER. I am glad you have so good a Memory,-Yes-
Madam-
These were the Recreations I took you from.-But now you must
have
your Coach, Vis-A-Vis,' and three powder'd Footnlen before
your Chair
-and in summer a pair of white Cats' to draw you to Kensington
gardens-no . Recollection I suppose when you were content to
ride

double behind the Butler on a dock'd Coach Horse. 50
LADY TEAZLE. No-I swear I never did that-I deny the Butler,
and
the Coach Horse.
SIR PETER. This madam was your Situation-and what have I
not done
for you ?-I have madc you a woman of Fashion, of Fortune, of
Rank
-in short I have made you my Wife-
LADY TEAZLE. Well then and there is but one thing more you
can make
me to add to the obligation-and that is -
SIR PETER. My widow I suppose?
LADY TEAZLE. Hem! hem!
SIR PETER. Thank-you Madam-but don't flatter yourself for-
tho' 60

your ill conduct may disturb my Peace it shall never break my
Heart
I promise you:-however I am equally oblig'd to you for the Hint.
LADY TEAZLE. Then why will you endeavour to make yourself
so
disagreeable to me, and thwart me in every little elegant
expenee ?
, Cf. p. 181, n. I, below.
• Short for 'cattle'? Or possibly suggested by Colman's prologue
to Garrick's BOll
TOll (1115);
Nature it [Bon TOil] thwarts, and contradicts all reason;
'Tis stiff French Stays, and fruit when out of season;
A rose, when half II guinea is the price;
A set of bays, scarce bigger than six mice.

ACT II, SCENE I
~able one or I
SIR PETER. 'Slife-Madam I say had you any uf these Elegant
expenees
when you married me?
at an humbler 30 LADY TEAZLE. Lud Sir Petcr would you
have me be out of the
:t Lady Teazle Fashion-? •
figured Linnen
SIR PETER. The Fashion indeed!-what had you to do with the
Fashion
omb'd smooth before you married me? 70
lits in worsted LADY TEAZLE. For my Part-I should think you
would like to have your
Wife thought a Woman of Taste.
Curious life I SIR PETER. Aye, there again-Tastc!-zounds
Madam you had no
ld the Poultry, Taste when you married mc-
3mb my aunt LADY TEAZLE. That's very true indeed Sir Peter
and after having married

you I am sure I should never pretend to Taste again !-But now
Sir
40 Peter if we have finish'd our daily Jangle I presume I may go
to my
ents-to draw Engagement at Lady Sneerwell's-
nake-to play SIR PETER. Aye-there's another Precious
circumstance, a charming set
-or to be stuck of acquaintance-you have made there. 80
:r a Fox chase. LADY TEAZLE. Nay Sir Peter They are People
of Rank and Fortune-and
:s-Madam- remarkably tenacious of Reputation.
'ou must have SIR PETER. Yes 'egad they are tenacious of
Reputation with a vengeance,
Ire your Chair for they don't chuse any body should have a
Character-but themselves
) Kensington -such a crew! ah! many a wretch has rid on a
hurdle' who has done
ntent to ride less mischief than those utterers of forg'd Tales,
coiners of Scandal,
50 -and clippers of Reputation.
e Butler, and LADY TEAZLE. What would you restrain the
freedom of speech?

SIR PETER. 01 they have made you just as bad as anyone of the
ve I not done Society. go
une, of Rank LADY TEAZLE. Why-I believe I do bear a Part
with a tolerable Grace-
-But I vow I have no malice against the People I abuse, when I
say
rou can make an ill natured thing 'tis out of pure Good-
Humour-and I take it for
granted they deal exactly in the same manner with me but Sir
Peter
you know you promised to come to Lady 5neerwell's too.
SIR PETER. Well well I'll call in just to look after my own
character.
elf for-tho' 60 LADY TEAZLE. Then indeed you must make
Haste after me or you'll
ak my Heart be too late-so good bye to yeo [Exit LADY
TEAZLE.
. the Hint. SIR PETER. 50-I have gain'd much by my intended
expostulations--
yourself so yet with what a charming air she contradicts every
thing I say-and 100

expence? how pleasingly she shews her contempt of my
authority-well tho' I
can't make her love me there is a great Satisfaction in
quar[r]elling
with her and I think she never appear[s] to such advantage as
when
Garrick's BOil she's doing every thing in her Power to plague
me. [Exit.
n', 1 Criminals were drawn on a rough sledge to the place of
execution.
• Cf. Qerimont Senior in Steele's Tile Tender Hushaml (1705),
1. i: 'Now I can
neither Mortify her Vanity, that I may LiVe at ease with her, or
quite discard her, till
have catched her a little enlarging her Innocent Freedoms, as
she calls 'em.'
Scene 3d. LADY SNEER WELL'S

LADY SNEER WELL-MRS. CANDOUR-CRABTREE-SIR
BENJAMIN
-lIlId SURF ACE.
LADY SNEER WELL. Nay positively we will hear it -
SURFACE. Yes-yes the Epigraml by all means.-
SIR BENJ. Plague on't Unkle-'tis mere nonsense.
CRABTREE. No no-' fore gad very clever for an extempore-
SIR BEN}. But Ladies you should be acquainted with the
circumstance,
you must know that one day last week as Lady Betty Curric!e-
was
taking the Dust in Hyde Park, in a sort of duodecimo Phaeton-
She
desir'd me to write some verses on her Ponies-upon which I took
out
my Pocket-Book-and in one moment produc'd-the following>-

Sure never were seen two such beautiful Ponies IO
Other Horses are Clowns-and these-macaronies.
Nay to give 'em this Title I'm sure isn't wrong-
-Their Legs are so slim-and their Tails are so 10ng.J
CRABTREE. There-Ladies-done in the smack of a whip-and on
Horseback too-
SURFACE. A very Phoobus mounted-indeed, Sir Benjamin.
SIR BENJ. 0 dear Sir Trifles-Trifles!-
Enter LADY TEAZLE alId MARIA.
MRS. CANDOUR. I must have a Copy.
LADY SNEER WELL. Lady Teazle-I hope we shall see Sir
Peter-
LADY TEAZLE. I helieve He'll wait on your La'ship-presently.
20
LADY SNEER WELL. Maria my Love you look grave-come you
shall sit
down to Cards with Mr. Surface-
MARIA. I take very little Pleasure in Cards-however I'll do as
your

Ladyship pleases.
LADY TEAZLE. I am surprised Mr. Surface should sit down
with her-I
1 'Wherever the spirit of the salon appears, evidence of its
presence is seen in the
production and general esteem of such trifles: rebuses,
anagrams, madrigals, enigmas,
charades, and bOllls rimes. The explanation of it all goes back,
perhaps, to the Italian
Renaissance, when, as Burckhardt has shown, an epigram could
lay the foundation of a
scholar's celebrity' (C. B. Tinker, The Salon and English
L<IIers, New York, 1915,
p. II7).
2 For an earlier form of these lines, see W. Fraser Rae, Sheridan
(1896), i. 330-I.
3 Cf. the article on macaronis in the Town and COl/ntry
Magazine, iv (1772), 243:
'They do indeed make a most ridiculous figure ... with about
two pounds of fictitious
hair, formed into what is called a club, hanging down their
shoulders 1IlI white as Ii

baker's sack ...• Their legs are at times covered with all the
colours of the rainbow;
even flesh-coloured and green silk stockings are not excluded.'
IR BENJAMIN
ore-
e circumstance
r Curricle-wa~
) Phaeton-She
Ihich I took out
ollowing,-
10
les.
) long.3
whip-and on
In.
ir Peter-

sently. 20
Ie you shall sit
'U do as your
III with her-I
Ice is seen in the
drigals, enigmas,
ps, to the Italian
e foundation of a
lew York, 19I5,
896), i. 330-1.
iv (1nZ), 243:
!lids of fictitious
's as white as a
of the rainbow;
ACT II, SCENE II z43
thought He would have embraced this opportunity of speaking
to me
before Sir Peter came-

MRS. CANDOUR. [Comiltgforw<u·t!J Now I'll die but you are
so scandalous
I'll forswear your society.-
LADY TEAZLE. What's the matter Mrs. Candour-? 30
MRS. CANDOUR. They'll not allow our Friend Miss Vermillion
to be
handsome.
LADY SNEER WELL. 0 surely she's a pretty woman-
CRABTREE. I am very glad you think so Ma'am-
MRS. CANDOUR. She has a charming fresh Colour-
LADY TEAZLE. Yes when it is fresh put on-
MRS. CANDOUR. 0 fie I'll swear her Colour is natural-I have
seen it
come and go-
LADY TEAZLE. I dare swear you have, ma'am-it goes of a
Night and
comes again in the morning. 40
MRS. CANDOUR. Ha! hal hal how I hate to hear you talk so-
but surely
now her Sister is or was very Handsome.

CRABTREE. Who, Mrs. Evergreen?-O Lud she's six and fifty if
she's
an hour-
MRS. CANDOUR. Now positively you wrong her fifty-two or
fifty-three
is the utmost-and I don't think she looks more-
SIR BEN]. Ah there is no judging by her Looks unless one
could see
her Face.
LADY SNEERWELL. Well-well-if Mrs. Evergreen does take
some pains
to repair the Ravages of Time-you must allow she effects it with
great 50
ingenuity-and surely that's better than the careless manner in
which
the Widow Ocre-caulks her wrinkles.
SIR BENJ. Nay now Lady Sneerwell-you are severe upon the
Widow
-come-come it is Ilot that she paints so ill-but when she has
finish'd her Face she joins it on so badly to her Neck that she

looks like
a mended Statue in which the Connoisseur sees at once that the
Head's
modern tho' the Trunk's antique.-
CRABTREE. Hal hal hal well said Nephew!
MRS. CANDOUR. Hal hal hal well you make me laugh but I
vow I hate
you for't-what do you think of Miss Simper? 60
SIR BEN]. Why she has very pretty Teeth.
LADY TEAZLE. Yes and on that account when she is neither
speaking
nor laughing (which very seldom happens)-she never absolutely
shuts
her mouth, but leaves it always on a Jar as it were.
MRS. CANDOUR. How can you be so ill natur'd?
LADY TEAZLE. Nay I allo'; even that's better than the Pains
Mrs. Prim
takes to conceal her losses in Front. She draws her mouth 'till it
positively resembles the aperture of a Poor's-Box, and all her
words

appear to slide out edgeways.
70
I
;!44 THE SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL
LADY SNEERWELL. Very well Lady Teazle I see you can be a
little
severe-
LADY TEAZLE. In dcfence of a Friend it is but justice but here
comes Sir
Peter to spoil our Pleasantry-!
Ellter SIR PETER TEAZLE.
SIR PETER. Ladies your most obedient-Mercy on me, here is
the
whole sett a character dead at every word' I suppose. [aside]
MRS. CANDOUR. I am rejoic'd you are come Sir Peter-they

have been
so censorious-they will allow good Q!talities to nobody-not
even
good-nature to our Friend Mrs. Pursy.-
LADY TEAZLE. What the Fat Dowager-who was at Mrs.
Codille's
~M~-
MRS. CANDOUR. Nay-her bulk is her misfortune and when she
takes
such Pains to get rid of it you ought not to reflect on her.
LADY SNEERWELL. That's very true indeed.
LADY TEAZtE. Yes I know she almost lives on acids and small
whey-
laces herself by pullies and often in the hottest noon of summer
you
may see her on a little squat Poney with her hair platted up
behind
like a Drummer's-and puffing round the Ring' on a full Trot.
MRS. CANDOUR. I thank you Lady Teazle for defending her.
SIR PETER. Yes a good Defence truly.

MRS. CANDOUR. But Sir Benjamin is as Censorious as Miss
Sallow.
CRABTREE. Yes and she is a curious Being to pretend to be
censorious
-an aukward Gawky without anyone good Point under Heaven!
MRS. CAN DOUR. Positively you shall not be so very severe.
Miss Sallow
is a Relation of mine by marriage and as for her Person great
allowance
is to be made-for let me tell you a woman labours under many
dis-
advantages who tries to pass for a girl at six and thirty.
LADY SNEERWELL. Tho' surely she is handsome still-and for
the weak-
ness in her eyes considering how much she reads by candle light
it is
not to be wonder'd at.
MRS, CANDOUR, True, and then as to her manner-upon my
word I
think it is particularly graceful considering she never had the
least

Education for you know her Mother was a Welch millener and
her
Father a Sugar-Baker at Bristow.-
SIR BENJ. Ah! you are both of you too good natur'd!
SIR PETER. Yes damn'd good natur'dl-this their own Relation!-
mercy on me J [aside]
SIR BENJ. And Mrs. Candour is of so moral a turn-she can sit
for an
hour to hear Lady Stucco talk Sentiment.
cr. A. Pope, The Rape of/he Lo(k, iii. 16: 'At ev'ry word a
reputation dies.'
• The fashionable drive in Hyde Park, shut in by railings and
fine trees.
•
90
100

1 can be a little 70 LADY TEAZLE.
ACT II, SCENE II 245
Nay, I vow Lady Stucco is very well with the Des[s]ert
it here comes Sir after dinner for she's just like the French Fruit
one cracks for mottos
l
-made up of Paint and Proverb.-
IIO
MRS. CANDOUR. Well I never will Join in ridiculing a Friend-
and so
I constantly tell my Cousin Ogle-and you all know what
pretentions
She has to be critical in Beauty-
ne, here is the
[aside)
-they have been
lIody-not even

Mrs, Codille's
80
when she takes
ler.
:l small whey-
Jf Summer you
tted up behind
ull Trot.
her.
[iss Sallow. 90
be censorious
,r Heaven!
e. Miss Sallow
:reat allowance
der many dis-
I for the weak-
ldle light it is
'n my word I 100

had the least
lener and her
Relationl-
:an sit for an
:ion dies.'
:es.
CRABTREE. 0 to be sure she has herself the oddest
countenance that ever
was seen-'tis a collection of Features from all the different
Countries
of the Globe.
SIR BEN]. SO she has indeed.-An Irish front
CRABTREE. Caledonian Locks-
SIR BEN]. Dutch nose- 120
CRABTREE. Austrian lip-
SIR BEN]. Complexion of a Spaniard-
CRABTREE. And Teeth 11 la Chinoise"-
SIR BEN]. In short her Face resembles a Table d'hotc at Spaw
where no

two guests arc of a nation-
CRABTREE. Or a Congress at the close of a general War-
wherein all the
members even to her eyes appear to have a different interest and
her
Nose and Chin are the only Parties likely to join issue.
MRS. CANDOUR. Ha! hal hal
SIR PETER. Mercy on my life! a Person they dine with twice a
Week. 130
[aside]
MRS. CANDOUR. Nay but I vow you shall not carry the Laugh
offso-for
give me leave to say that Mrs. Ogle-
SIR PETER. Madam-madam-I beg your Pardon-There's no
stopping
these good Gentlemen's Tongues-but when I tell you Mrs.
Caudour
that the Lady they are abusing is a particular Friend of mine-I
hope
you'l1 not take her Part.

LADY SNEERWELL. Well said Sir Peter, but you are a cruel
creature-too
Phlegmatic yourself for a jest and. too peevish to allow wit on
others.
SIR PETER. Ah! Madam true wit is more nearly allied to good
Nature 140
than your Ladyship is aware of.
LADY TEAZLE. True Sir Peter I believe they are so near akin
that they
can never be united-
SIR BEN]. Or rather Madam suppose them man and wife
because one
so seldom sees them together.
.
I Cf. Horace Walpole to Lady 055Ory: 'Paragraphs of news ...
are like mottoes too
wrapped in sugar, which everybody breaks, finds nothing worth
reading, and yet goes
on cracking' (Walpole Corr. xxxiii (1965), 213).

2 Cf. The Cilizen oflhe World: 'And first the beauties of
Chinuppeared .•• Their
hlack teeth and plucked eye.brows were however alleged by the
Genius against them'
(Collecled Works of Oliver Goldsmith, ed. A. Friedman
(Oxford, 1966), ii. 442).
LADY TEAZLE. But Sir Peter is such an Enemy to Scandal I
believe He
would have it put down by Parliament.
SIR PETER. 'Fore Heaven! Madam if they were to Consider-the
Sport-
ing with Reputation of as much importance as poaching on
manors'-
and pass An Act for the Preservation of Fame-I believe there are
many ISO
would thank them for the Bill.
LADY SNEER WELL. 0 Ludl Sir Peter would you deprive us of

our
Privileges-
SIR PETER. Aye Madam-and then no Person should be
permitted to
kill characters, or run down Reputations but qualified old Maids
and
disap[p]ointed Widows.-
LADY SNEERWELL. Go-you Monster-
MRS. CAN DOUR. But sure you would not be quite so severe
on those who
only report what they hear.
SIR PETER. Yes Madam I would have Law Merchant2 for
them-too- 160
and in all cases of Slander currency whenever the Drawer of the
Lie
was not to be found the injured Party should have a right to
come on
any of the indorsers.
CRABTREE. Well for my Part I believe there never was a
Scandalous Tale

without some foundation-
LADY SNEERWELL. Come Ladies shall we sit down to Cards
in the next
Room-
Enter SERVANT Ilnd Whispers SIR PETER.
SIR PETER. I'll be with them directly!-[Exeunt]-I'll get away
unper-
ceiv'd.
LADY SNEERWELL. Sir Peter you are not leaving us? 170
SIR PETER. Your Ladyship must excuse me-I'm called away by
particular Business-but I leave my Character behind me.-
[Exit SIR PETER.
SIR BEN]. Well certainly Lady Teazle that Lord of yours is a
strange
being-I could tell you some stories of him would make you
laugh
heartily if he wasn't your Husband-
! Q'. Miss Walsingham's speech in Hugh Kelly's The School for

Wives, 4th edn.
(1774), p. 63: 'And yet if the laws against it [duelling), were as
well enforced as the laws
against destroying the game, perhaps it would be equally for the
benefit of the kingdom.'
See, also, the Public Advertiser, aa .l.pr. 1776: 'The Noblemen
and Gentlemen of the
Association for the Preservation of Game all over England, are
desired to meet To-
morrow at Eleven o'Clock, at the St. Alban's Tavern in St.
Alban's-street: WHEREAS
the said Noblemen and Gentlemen have prosecuted and
convicted several Poulterers,
Higlers, Carriers, Stage Coachmen, Masters of Vessels, Night
Netters, Snarers and
others, for destroying the Game and carrying and selling the
same ... .'
• Privileges peculiar to merchants, differing from Common Law
but the same as the
Law of the Staple.
ndal I believe He

LADY TEAZLE.
ACT II, SCE:-JE II
0 pray don't mind that.-come do let's hear 'em.
~ider-the Sport-
Ing on manors'_
I'e there are many 150
[They join the rest ofthe Company all talkillg as they are going
into the
flext room.
SURFACE. [risillg IPilh MAR IA] Maria I see you have no
satisfaction in this
society.
~prive us of Our MAR I A. How is it possible I should ?-if to
raise malicious smiles at the infirmities and misfortunes-of
those who have never injured us be the 180
be permitted to
d old Maids and

province of wit or Humour Heav'n grant me a double Portion of
Dullness-
SURFACE. Yet they appear more ill natur'd than they are-They
have no
malice at heart-
ere on those who
MARIA. Then is their conduct still more contemptible for in my
opinion
-nothing could-excuse the intemperance of their tongues but a
for them-too-
rawer of the Lie
:ight to come.on
160
natural and ungovernable hitterness of Mind.
SURFACE. But can vou Maria feel thus for others and be
unkind to me
alone-is hope to'be denied the tenderest Passion ?-
MARIA. Why will you distress me by renewing this subject-

190
Scandalous Tale
, SURf'ACE. Ah! Maria you would not treat me thus and oppose
your
Guardian's Sir Peter's wishes-but that I see that profligate
Charles is
still a favour'd Rival.
:ards in the next MARIA. Ungenerously urged-but whatever my
sentiments of that
Unfortunate young man are-be assured I shall not feel more
bound to
give him up because his Distresses have lost him the regard
even of a
Brother.- [LADY TEAZLE refilms.
~et away unpcr-
SURFACE. Nay but Maria do not leave me with a Frown-by all
that's
honest I swear-Gad's life here's Lady Teazle. [aside]-you must
not-
no you shall not-for tho' I have the greatest Regard for Lady

Teazle- 200
170
ailed away by
me.-
xiI SIR PETER ..
IrS is a strange
take you laugh
MARIA. Lady Teazle-!
SURFACE. Yet were Sir Peter to suspect-
LADY TEAZLE. [Coming forward) What's this Pray-do you
take her for
mel-Child you are wanted in the next Room- (Exit MARIA.
what is all this pray-
SURFACE. 0 the most unlucky circumstance in Nature. Maria
has
somehow suspected the tender concern which I have for your
happiness
, Wives, 4th edn.
forced as the laws

t of the kingdom. >
}entlemen of the
ired to meet Ta-
and threaten'd to acquaint Sir Peter with her suspicions-and I
"''as just
endeavouring to reason with her when you came.
LADY TEAZLE. Indeed but you seem'd to adopt-a very tender
method
of reasoning-do you usually argue on your knees-?
SURFACE. 0 she's a Child-and I thought a little Bombast-but
Lady
:no
street: WHEREAS
lVlll1ll Poulterers,
ers, Snarers and,
Teazle when are you to give me your Judgment on my Library
as you
promised?

LADY TEAZLE. No-no I begin to think it would be imprudent-
and
t the same as the you know I admit you as a Lover no further
than Fashion
requires.-
•
SURF ACE. True-a mere Platonic Cicisbeo1-what every London
wife is
entitled too.
LADY TEAZLE. Certainly one must not be out of the Fashion-
however I 220
have so much of my country Prejudices left-that-tho' Sir Peter's
ill
humour may vex me ever so-it never shall provoke me to-

SURFACE. The only revenge in your Power-well I applaud your
moderation.
LADY TEAZLE. Go-you are an insinuating Wretch-but we shall
be
miss'd-let us join the company.
SURFACE. But we had best not return together.
LADY TEAZLE. Well don't stay-for Maria shan't come to hear
any more
of your Reasoning I promise you- [Exit LADY TEAZLE.
SURFACE. A curious Dilemma truly my Politics have run me
into.-I 230
wanted at first only to ingratiate myself with Lady Teazle that
she
might not be my enemy with Maria-and I have I don't know
how-

become her serious Lover.-Sincerely I begin to wish I had never
made
such a Point of gaining so very good a character-for it has led
me into
so many curs'd Rogueries that I doubt I shall be exposed at last.
[Exit.
Scene 3d. SIR PETER'S
Enter SIR OLIVER and ROWLEY.
SIR OLIVER. Hal hal hal and so myoId Friend is married hey?-
a
young Wife out of the Countryl-ha! hal hal-that he should have
stood Blulf2 to old Batchelor so long and sink into a Husband at
last 1-
ROWLEY. But you must not rally him on the subject Sir Oliver-
'tis a
tender Point I assure you tho He has been married only seven
months.
I The privileges of the cicisbeo are described in Frances
Sheridan's A Journey

to Bath: see Rae, pp. 296-7: 'I may come in when you are
dressing. I am to put essence
into your handkerchief, reach you your combs, your pins •.• I
am never to be from
your elbow if you command me. I am to help you tea, coffee,
and fruit before any
other lady in the company, and give it you on my knee.' .•. I am
to attend you to all
publick places and home again, and to see you up to your
chamber door.'
• Sheridan lTUIy have picked up the phrase from some satirical
verses on him by
'Philo-Musa', that appeared in the Morning Chronicle, z Apr.
I777:
Between us we'll monopolize,
Monopolies are now the fashion,
Your [Thomas Linley's] care our harmony supplies,
And Van's [Vanbrugh's] old scenes I now am slashing.
No matter whether new or stale,
I'll furnish Comedy enough,

The whoreson authors may turn pale,
'Gainst their intrusion we'll stand bluff.
The Schoolfor Scantial reference is the earliest usage given in
the D.E.D.
ACT H, SCENE III
·ondon wife is
SIR OLIVER. Then He has been just half a year on the stool of
Repen-
tance-Poor Peter! But you say he has entirely given up Charles?
m-however I zzo never sees him hey?
Sir Peter's ill
to-- ROWLEY. His Prejudice against him is astonishing-am! I
am sure
greatly encreas'd by a Jealousy of him with Lady Teazle-which
He 10
lpplaud your

has been industriously led into by a scandalous Society in the
neigh-
bourhood-who have contributed not a little to Charles's ill
name.
t we shall be Whereas the truth is I believe if the Lady is partial
to either of them his
Brother is the Favourite.
SIR OLIVER. Aye-I know-there are a set of malicious prating
prudent
lear any more Gossips both male and Female, who murder
characters to kill time and
my TEAZLE. will rob a young Fellow af his good name before
He has years to know
I me into.-I 230 the value of it.-but I am not to be prejudic'd-
against my nephew by
:azle that she . such I promise you. No! no-ifCharles has clone
nothing false or mean I
know how- I shall compound far his extravagance. 20
d never made ROWLEY. Then my life on't you will reclaim
him. Ah Sir-it gives me
IS led me into new life to find that your heart is not turned

against him-and that the
I at last. san of my good old master has one friend however left.
[E.'it. SIR OLIVER. What! shall I forget Master Rowley-when
I was at his
years my self?-egad my Brother and I were neither of us very
prudent
youths-and yet I believe you have not seen many better Men
than
your old master was.
ROWLEY. Sir, 'tis this reflection gives me assurance that
Charles may yet
'ied hey?-a be a Credit to his Family-but here comes Sir Peter-
should have SIR OLIVER. 'Egad so He does-mercy on me-He's
greatly alter'd- 30
tnd at last !- and seems to have a settled Married laok-one may
read husband in his
)liver-'tis a Face at this Distance.-
:ven months. Enter SIR PETER TEAZLE.
SIR PETER. Hahl Sir Oliver-my Old Friend:-welcome to
England-n's A JOUrIJey
, to Pllt essence a thousand Times!
ver to be from SIR OLIVER. Thank you-thank-you Sir Peter-

and-'efaith-I am as
llit before any glad to find you well, believe me-
;end YOll to all ., SIR PETER. Ah! 'tis a long time since we
met-sixteen years I doubt, Sir
Oliver-and many a cross accident in the Time-ies on him by
SIR OLIVER. Aye I have had my share-but what I find you are
married
-hey myoId Boy-well-well it can't be help'd-and so I wish you
40
joy with all my heart.-
SIR PETER. Thank-you-thank you Sir Oliver-yes I have enter'd
into
the happy state but we'll not talk of that now.
t cr. Marvell's 'Horatian Ode Upon Cromwell's Return from
Ireland', stanza IS.
of Charles I:
He nothing common did or mean
Upon that memorable scene.

-
'
SIR OLIVER. True true Sir Peter, Old Friends should not begin
on
Grievances-at first meeting-no-no-no.
ROWLEY. [to SIR OLIVER] Take Care pray Sir-
SIR OLIVER. Well-so one ofmy Nephews I find is a wild
Rogue-hey?
SIR PETER. Wild!-ah! myoid Friend-I grieve for your
disap[p]oint-
ment there-He's a lost Young Man indeed-however his Brother
will
make you amends. Joseph is indeed what a youth should be-
every so
body in the world speaks well of him-

SIR OLIVER. I am sorry to hear it-he has too good a character
to be an
honest Fellow.-Every body speaks well of him! Psha! then He
has
bow'd as low to Knaves and Fools-as to the honest dignity of
Genius
or Virtue.
SIR PETER. What Sir Oliver do you blame him for not making
Enemies-?
SIR OLIVER. Yes-if He has merit enough to deserve them.
SIR PETER. Well-well-you'll be convinc'd when you know him-
'tis
edification to hear him converse-he professes the noblest-
Sentiments. 60
SIR OLIVER. Ah plague on his Sentiments-if He salutes me
with a
Scrap of morality in his mouth I shall be sick directly.-but
however
don't mistake me Sir Peter-I don't mean to defend Charles'
Errors-

but before I form my judgement of either of them I intend to
make a
trial of their Hearts-and my Friend Rowley and I have plann'd
something for the Purpose-
ROWLEY. And Sir Peter shall own he has been for once
mistaken.
SIR PETER. O-my Life on Joseph's Honour!
SIR OLIVER. Well come give us a bottle of good wine-and
we'll drink
the Lads Healths and tell you our scheme.- 70
SIR PETER. AI[J]ons then-
SIR OLIVER. And don't Sir Peter be so severe against your old
Friend's
son-Odds-my Life-I am not sorry that He has run out of the
course a little-for my Part I hate to see Prudence clinging to the
gre.en
Succours of Youth-'tis like Ivy round a sapling and spoils the
Growth
of the Tree. [Exeunt.
END OF ACT 2

Act 3d
Scelle Ist.-SIR PETER'S
SIR PETER-SIR OLIVER-and ROWLEY.
SIR PETER, Well then-we will see this Fellow first and have
our wine
" '
r,
:.:
I not begin on
d R?gue-hey ?
Ir dlsap[p ]oint-
1is Brother will
mid be-every 50
lracter to be an
,I then He has

;nity of Genius
r not making
m.
now him-'ris
:c-Sentiments. 60
:es me with a
-but however
Ides' Errors-
end to make a
have plann'd
listaken.
Id we'll drink
70
r old Friend's
III out of the
g tothegr~n
Is the Growth
[Exeunt.

lve our wine
ACT III, SCENE I
afterwards.-but how is this·-Master Rowley-I don't sec the Jet!
of
your Scheme-?
ROWLEY. Why Sir-this Mr. Stanley whom I was speaking of-is
nearly related to them by their mother. He was once a merchant
in
Dublin-but has been ruined by a series of undeserved
misfortunes-
He has applied by Letter since his confinement both to Mr.
Surface and
Charles.-from the former-He has received nothing but evasive
promises of future Service-while Charles has done all that his
extravagance has left him power to do-and He is at this time
ende:1your- 10
ing to raise a sum of money-part of which in the midst of his
own
distresses I know he intends for the service of poor Stanley.
SIR OLIVER. Ah! He is my Brother's Son-

SIR PETER. Well-but how is Sir Oliver personally to-
ROWLEY. Why Sir I will inform Charles-and his Brother that
Stanley
has obtain'd Permission to apply in Person to his Friends-and as
they
have neither of them ever seen him let Sir Oliver assume his
Character
-and he will have a fair opportunity of judging at least of the
Benevolence of their Dispositions, and believe me Sir, you will
find
in the youngest Brother-one who in the midst of Folly and
Dissipation 20
-has still as our immortal Bard expresses it-'a Tear for Pity and
a
Hand open as Day for melting Charity."
SIR PETER. Pshaw! what signifies his having an open Hand or
Purse
either when He has nothing left to givel-Well-well-make the
Trial
if you please-but where is the Fellow whom you brought for Sir
Oliver
to Examine relative to Charles's Affairs?

ROWLEY. Below, waiting his commands, and no one can give
him better
intelligence;-This Sir Oliver is a friendly Jew who to do him
justice
has done every thing in his power to bring your Nephew to a
proper
sense of his Extravagance. 30
SIR PETER. Pray let us have him in-
ROWLEY. Desire Mr. Moses to walk upstairs.-
SIR PETER. But why should you suppose He will speak the
Truth.
ROWLEY. a I have convinced him that he has no chance of
recovering
Certain Sums advanced to Charles, but thro' the Bounty of Sir
Oliver,
who he knows is arriv'd; so that you may depend on his fidelity
to his
Interest j I have also another Evidence in my power, one Snake-
whom
I have detected in a Matter little shoit of Forgery, and shaH
shortly
produce to remove some of your prejudices Sir Peter, relative to
Charles and Lady Teazle. 40

SIR PETER. I have heard too much on that Subject.
ROWLEY. Here comes the honest Israelite.
I I Cf. R. Cumberland, The West Indian (1771), 1Il. x: 'the jet
of the story is ••• .'
The sense is 'gist'.
% 2 HeMJ IV, IV. iv.
-
"Enter MOSES.
This is Sir Oliver-
SIR OLIVER. Sir-i-understand you have lately had great
dealings with
my Nephew Cha~les. .

MOSES. Yes Sir Ohver-I have done all I could for hUll, but He
was
ruin'd before He came to me fiJr Assistance.
SIR OLIVER. That was unlucky tmly-for you have had nn
opportunity
of shewing your Talents. -
MOSES. None at all-I hadn't the .Plcasure of knowing his
Distresses-- 50
'till He: was some thousands worse than nothing.
SIR OLIVER. Unfortunate indeedl but I suppose YOll have
done all in
your Power for him honest Moses?
MOSES. Yes he knows that.-This very Evening I was to have

brought
him a Gentleman from the city who duesn't know him and will I
believe advance him some money.
SIR PETER. What one Charles has never Imd motlcy from
befiu'c?
MOSES. Yes Mr. Premium of Crutehed-Friars r-lhl'!11erly a
Broker.
SIR PETER. Egad Sir Oliver a Thought strikes me-·Charles you
say
doesn't know Mr.-Pl'emium- 60
MOSES. Not at all. -
SIR PETER. Now then Sir Oliver you may have a better
opportunity of
satisfying yourself than by an old romancing talc 01';1 pOO'
Relation..----

go with my Friend Moses and Represent MI'. Premium nnd then
I'll
anSwer for't, you will sec your Nephew in all his Glory.-
SIR OLIVER. Egad I like this Idea better than the other and r
may visit
Joseph afterwards as old Stanley.
SIR PETER. True so you may-
ROWLEY. Well this is taking Charles rather at a disadvantage
to be sure
-however Moses--you understand Sir Peter and will bc
faithfu!.··· 70
MOSES. You may depend upon me-this is ncarthe Time [was to
Imve gone,
SIR OLIVER. I'll accompany you as soon as you please, Moses,
hilt Iwld
-I have forgot one thing-how the Plaguc shall The able to pass
lhr a
Jew?
MOSES. There's no need-the Principal is Christian.

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