50 crucial-tips-in-rebuilding-your-relationship

50 Crucial Tips In Rebuilding Your Relationship –
101waystogetexback.com

About the Author: Paula Scott is an expert relationship
adviser who offers consultations to people who are going
through bad times in their relationships. She is also the
author of many articles about getting your ex back, making
relationships work and bettering oneself so as to help
people to solve their sentimental problems. You can visit
her blog and find more free relationship tips at
http://101waystogetexback.com/

Copyright © 1 01 WAYSTOGETEXBACK.COM

For more FREE relationship tips, just visit 101waystogetexback.com

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B
eing involved in a relationship can be the most
rewarding and satisfying part of your life but it
is not always going to be perfect. When you
get married, it is just the same as beginning a new
career; it’s going to be a challenge with which you
must persevere if it is to be a success. You will
experience pain, joy, happiness, and weariness
sometimes all in the same day! In recent years, more
couples just give up and quit the relationship without
giving a second thought to what they might do
together to make things work. Just like that new
career that you are developing, you must give 1 00% in
any relationship to achieve the level of happiness that
you seek to find.

You can repair a relationship that has come unglued
or unraveled by following some sound principles and
practices that require both partners being committed
and devoted to rebuilding the relationship. Sooner or
later marriages develop problems or conflicts that
cannot be anticipated or avoided. These situations
will have to be resolved with a concentrated effort on
the part of both partners as they arise. Often times a
relationship is much stronger and much more mature
for both individuals. Rebuilding a your relationship is
a complex process that won’t be repaired overnight
but roll up your sleeves and try some of the methods
below to begin the healing process.


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1. Determine what the problem is. If it is not an obvious
problem, consider the choices you might have in deciding what
is wrong. Is it money, stress, or distance? The first step on the
road to reconstruction of any problem or relationship is to
determine the cause of the situation.

2. Begin with a full commitment to rebuild the relationship
that was once the center of your happiness. You must
devote your entire heart to the effort, not just half of it. This is
where you give 110% to repairing the damage that has been
done.

3. Get past whoever is right or wrong. Avoid the blame game
which will do nothing to foster good will and the hope for a new
beginning.

4. Step outside your own viewpoint and look at things from
the other person’s perspective. Try to understand how they
are feeling and perceiving the situation.

5. Have empathy and compassion for your partner. Their
feelings are hurt, they are in pain; they need someone to see
what they are seeing through the filters related to their life
experiences.

6. Develop a list of the positive things about your
relationship. Recall all the fond memories and the enjoyable
activities that you have shared. This will emphasize the solid
foundation on which you built this relationship in the first place.


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7. List the negative aspects of the relationship. If household
chores are being done by one person or there are other
indications of an unfair workload around the house, then these
issues need to be addressed.

8. Be big enough to apologize. Both of you should begin the
rebuilding process with an apology for things that have been
done and said. This shows that you are truly interested in
rekindling the flame that began your relationship and it levels
the rebuilding field. Admitting mistakes and commit to moving
forward.

9. Decide that you will both be givers in this relationship. A lot
of resentment builds up when one person thinks that they are
giving all they have and the other person is a taker who
receives the benefits of the relationship without much effort.
When you give something, ask for something in return as you
begin to rebuild your relationship.

10. Consider counseling. A counselor will be a neutral party who
won’t take sides but will listen and then repeat exactly what you
are saying and hearing to each other. Many times we say one
thing and mean another or we hear something totally different
than what the intended message was. This person can discover
what is broken in the relationship and lead you to ways of fixing
the problems.

11. Identify your strengths as a couple. You can list how you
handle adversity and any other crisis that might arise. This is an
excellent time to compliment each other and try to rebuild self-
esteem.


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12. List your weaknesses very carefully and compassionately.
You will begin to see as you develop this list where your
differences of opinion lie and where the room for restructuring
should begin. Don’t accuse or berate each other; simply state
the facts as you each perceive them.

13. Share control of everything from the remote to the
thermostat. If one person is always “in charge” then the other
person becomes uninterested and disengaged. Decide to
balance the control issue in your relationship with the tiniest of
details. Little acorns grow into big trees and small issues can
wreck a relationship!

14. Be open and honest. Your relationship didn’t get to this level
of brokenness over night and it wasn’t caused by one problem.
It will be healthy for you to discuss openly and honestly quite
often just what you want or need from the other person and
vice versa. Don’t be unkind but be thoughtful and deliberate in
your conversations.

15. Keep your expectations realistic. Intelligently consider of
what your partner is capable of doing and providing. Revisit
these expectations together and talk about progress or failure
in meeting these expectations.

16. Work on changing yourself and not your mate. You can’t
change them and the sooner you realize this the more peace
you will experience. The only person whom you can change is
you! You have to come to the decision to change yourself and
until you do, you are wasting your time and efforts on any
program or campaign for change.


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17. Don’t pressure your mate. This will only cause friction
between the two of you and drive distance between you. Ask
them to do something once and then leave the time to complete
the task up to them.

18. Meet the emotional needs of your mate. Everyone needs
attention, approval, respect, and support. By being there to
offer comfort and security, you will be laying the building blocks
for rebuilding your relationship. Make sure that the supply of
emotional support that you provide for your spouse is adequate
and in good measure.

19. Become friends again. This means that you should spend
quality time doing some of the things that you did when you first
fell in love. Go on picnics, attend movies, walk hand-in-hand
and share a quiet moment. Talk on the phone, talk constantly,
and really listen to what is being said. Respond accordingly and
demonstrate to your mate that you care enough about them,
their thoughts, and their ideas to listen attentively.

20. Rebuild trust. This is the cornerstone in any relationship. It’s
hard to develop but only takes a short time to destroy. After
destruction of trust, it will take a very long time to reconstruct.
You will have to tend and nurture this fragile bond as you would
a small child. Monitor your behavior at all times and be aware
of how you are treating each other; this will foster the rebuilding
of a strong and trusting relationship.

21. Do not lose hope. You have been discouraged and
disappointed but you must remember that hard work,


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dedication, and a new direction can begin anew what you once
enjoyed.

22. Make a plan together. You must decide how your relationship
will proceed from here. Use every opportunity available to you
to begin the process of rebuilding. Just like rebuilding a house
after a terrible storm destroys it, you must begin at the
foundation and work your way up to the concepts that have
been damaged in your relationship.

23. Laugh and have fun with each other. You need to share a
hobby or find an activity that interests both of you and have fun
with it. This might be a time to try something new that you both
have discussed in the past but never made time to do. Now is
the time to make time! Laugher is medicine for the soul. Give
your souls a good dose of laughter as often as possible.

24. Understand that you will rebuild a new relationship. The
rebuilding process is not to recapture the relationship you had.
This crisis was caused by whatever was wrong in the old
relationship; this is the time for a new direction. Use different
approaches and strategies to form a relationship that is much
stronger and healthier than the old one was.

25. Begin to think like a couple thinks. You want to be an
effective team during this rebuilding process so you must begin
to think like an efficient team. You can’t be selfish nor can you
be so independent that you won’t give up ideas that an
individual would use in problem solving or other situations that
might arise. You want to approach everything as a couple so
together you can reap double the rewards.


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26. You have to give your spouse space. You can’t smother
them and control their every move. You must encourage them
to seek hobbies and interests that will strengthen their self-
confidence and self-esteem. Let them develop as a person and
they will respond favorably to you and your development as an
individual.

27. Be patient. Not one of us is perfect and in your relationship
rebuilding process, you must be patient and love your mate
with compassion and caring. Be flexible in your reactions and
responses. Take time to think before you speak something that
might cause a backset in what you have worked so hard to
rebuild. Don’t be in a hurry; rebuilding a relationship will take
time.

28. Respect each other. This is an expansive area that requires
particular attention to all facets of personality and habits. You
must respect each other’s values, privacy, career, and
character. Learn to appreciate their sense of humor and their
point of view. Be strong for them when they are weak and
respect their efforts and choices. Respect will be the stone that
is placed on top of the cornerstone of your relationship. It sets
the tone for your marriage and its success or failure.

29. Make time to work on the rebuilding of your relationship.
Everyone is busy with hectic careers and families but time is of
the essence when a relationship is broken and is in need of
repair. Compare your schedules and “pencil in” your spouse for
some down time. You can use this time to select any of the
methods listed thus far and work with them. The more time you


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set aside to spend together, the faster the healing will permeate
through your interactions.

30. Plan a date night. As you look at the schedules, make time to
take your spouse out for a date like you used to enjoy. It should
be just the two of you and should include an activity that you
both enjoy doing. Try not to discuss the children, problems at
work, or repairs needed around the house. You are working on
what needs the most repairs as you communicate on this
evening out.

31. Go out with other couples. You should have some friends
that you see on a regular basis as a couple. You don’t have to
dine out at expensive restaurants; you can cook a meal
together in someone’s home or just sit and have snacks.
Engage in good, strong communication and share experiences
and thoughts on a variety of subjects. This will give each
spouse a chance to connect with people who are going through
some of the same issues that youare going through. Laugh,
enjoy, and be yourself; this will make your relationship stronger
too.

32. Don’t complain. You should be as positive as you can be in
the situation. No one likes to be around someone who is
negative and never has anything good to say. Complaining will
dampen your spirits and cause your relationship rebuilding
process to stagnate.

33. Stop judging yourself and others. You are wasting valuable
time and effort when you continually judge your spouse or


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yourself too harshly. You have to get past the past and dive into
a brighter, more positive future.

34. Have conversations about things that don’t really matter.
By discussing things that are not crucial to your relationship
and are not a source of conflict, you open communication lines
that can later be used to discuss the more pressing issues and
concerns. This way, you can become accustomed to carrying
on a good conversation with your spouse and deal more
efficiently with the problems at hand.

35. Forgive yourself. You have to forget the past and move
toward a better and brighter future and the sooner you forgive
yourself, the sooner the healing process can being. Try to
forget the guilt you are carrying around and understand that this
is a big stumbling block in the rebuilding of your relationship
with your spouse.

36. Take baby steps as you work through the rebuilding
process. You cannot expect success to come overnight. Take
things easy and at a pace that is comfortable for you and your
spouse. If you get in a big hurry to get things “back to normal”
you will take two steps forward and three steps backward every
time you encounter another problem. A slow, easy, deliberate
pace is the best method for success.

37. Address every problem that is wrong in your relationship.
You can’t skip this step in the process. Just like a house
infested with termites, your relationship cannot stand to built on
a foundation that is still infested with the same problems. You


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must exterminate all problems that caused the breakdown of
your relationship and start fresh with a clean foundation.

38. Maintain the changes you are making and make them work
for you and your spouse. You can’t just make these changes
and adjustments in a relationship and forget about them.
Monitor them and the results they are bringing to you daily and
modify them when you need to.

39. Strive for change. Many couples go through the healing
process, make changes, and the return to their old habits and
ways of doing things. They are destined to make the same
mistakes that caused the breakdown of their relationship in the
first place. You don’t want your relationship to return to the way
it was; strive for a new and improved version.

40. Control your stress. Whether it’s at work or at home, make
sure that you control your stress and maintain a balance in your
moods and reactions to events. Stress is an unhealthy by-
product of worry and fear. If you have it under control, it will not
control you, your life, your spouse or your relationship. There
are many techniques involving exercising that will reduce stress
levels dramatically.

41. Be comfortable with who you are. Don’t try to put on a
facade that most people will see through and one that will make
you miserable. Be true to yourself, who you are, what you
believe, and what you are about. Self-discovery is a key in
developing and maintaining a strong relationship with your
mate.


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42. Don’t keep secrets. If you do keep a secret and it eventually is
found out, more damage will be done to your relationship
building than you can imagine. Secrets eat away at trust and
honesty and jeopardize any success of rebuilding that you
might have.

43. Demonstrate faith in your relationship and your partner.
You will have to encourage your partner and regain trust and
the faith that has been compromised. Let them know you
believe in them and your relationship; show them that it’s worth
the effort to save.

44. Bumps in the road of the rebuilding process are to be
expected. Keep all of your discussions and business with each
other out in the open. Don’t make mountains out of molehills
and be reasonable. Avoid unfair demands on their time, skills,
or attitudes about the process taking place.

45. Don’t for get to be courteous in all of your dealings with
your spouse. Be open to their suggestions and ideas and
relate to them in an encouraging way. Good manners are
always in style and by being courteous to your spouse you will
show them that you really do care about them.

46. Always do what is right. Even if no one is watching, do what
is right for you and your relationship. Give them credit when
they deserve it and let them know that you are working on your
weaknesses with their help and guidance. Always keep your
commitments on your mind.


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47. Be aware of improvements in your relationship and
discuss them with your partner. As you see progress being
made and changes occurring, bring these to the attention of
your spouse and make strong, positive comments about how
bright the future looks. Keeping progress at the forefront of
daily discussions will foster even more progress. Build on these
successes and watch them multiply and healing proceed
rapidly.

48. Don’t compare yourself to other couples. Some couples
seem like they have the perfect relationship but you can rest
assured that all couples have their issues. You need to
concentrate on your relationship rebuilding efforts and avoid
paying attention to the perfect couple next door. Your issues
have arisen for a particular reason and your goal should be to
address these problems immediately before they worsen.

49. Set aside time for intimacy. Being intimate with your spouse
is fulfilling one of your basic needs. It may take some time for
this part of the relationship to revive itself, but careful attention
to all of the tips above will help to assure you that the
commitments that you have made to each other as a couple will
once again be honored.

50. Know what your limits are. Building a broken relationship is a
task that is hard work and takes a lot of understanding and
effort. Sometimes you will need to step back and take a look at
the relationship to see how it is improving and changing. This
will sharpen your perspective on the methods that are working
for you and those that are not. It will enable you to make better
modifications that will aid in healing. Listen to your heart and


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your spouse and try to determine what is best for you as a
couple.

ebuilding a relationship can’t be fixed

R overnight but with compassion, caring, and
consideration of your mate, success is right
across that threshold. Learn the best ways to
communicate ideas to your mate and commit to doing
your share of the workload in the tedious process of
regaining trust, honesty, and respect. You will find
that repair will come with time and feelings will
deepen with true respect. Reaping the benefits of
what once made life more meaningful to you will
make all the hard work certainly worthwhile. In the
process, you will learn more about your spouse and
yourself; your relationship will deepen and grow to
wonderful heights of love.

About the Author: Paula Scott is an expert relationship
adviser who offers consultations to people who are going
through bad times in their relationships. She is also the
author of many articles about getting your ex back, making
relationships work and bettering oneself so as to help
people to solve their sentimental problems. You can visit
her blog and find more free relationship tips at
http://101waystogetexback.com/


15

50 crucial-tips-in-rebuilding-your-relationship

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