Many of the calls we receive are about behaviour. Unfortunately, as parents, our ability to manage our child’s behaviour seems to be one of those things that identifies us as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ parents, which is why when things seem to be going wrong it is often distressing. The first thing to remember is that all parents have difficulties with their child’s behaviour sometimes and the second is that though we can’t control children’s behaviour, we can manage it.

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Behaviour
Many of the calls we receive are about behaviour.
Unfortunately, as parents, our ability to manage our child’s
behaviour seems to be one of those things that identifies us
as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ parents, which is why when things seem
to be going wrong it is often distressing. The first thing to
remember is that all parents have difficulties with their child’s
behaviour sometimes and the second is that though we can’t
control children’s behaviour, we can manage it.
How hydrocephalus may may be that you can do something
in one place but not another. If you
impact on learning and don’t understand jokes your friends
behaviour may think you‘re a bit ‘odd’. The
impact that hydrocephalus can
Children with hydrocephalus have on learning and behaviour
typically have problems with varies with each individual.
understanding language, Some people may have very few
concentration, short term memory problems, where as in others the
and processing information. All of consequences can be much more
these, potentially, can have an serious. It is important to remember
impact on behaviour. If you can ‘t that children with hydrocephalus
remember instructions then you often have a number of specific
won’t be able to carry them out. learning difficulties, which may
If you have trouble transferring mean that they learn in a different
knowledge to new situations it way, and need different strategies

2. Behaviour
to help them. Additionally, if and adults with developmental
children are struggling at school, difficulties it becomes even more
either academically or with their complicated as they may not react
social relationships this can in the way we would expect.
have a detrimental effect on self-
esteem, which in itself can cause Strategies for managing
behavioural difficulties. If you think challenging behaviour
this may be an issue it is important
to talk to your child’s school. All the manuals and programmes
necessarily ignore individual
Human behaviour is extremely circumstances and personalities,
complicated. Psychologists, some will argue that these aren’t
sociologists, philosophers, relevant. It is, however, very
educationalists, politicians and difficult to give a standard recipe
many other groups have studied, for improving children’s behaviour.
analysed and argued over many Every situation is different and may
years about how and why we require different strategies, but
behave in particular ways. This has there are ways that we can begin
led to a multitude of theories about to work out what is going wrong
how behaviour can be managed and how to put it right.
and in recent years numerous
television programmes and books Firstly, try to detach yourself from
which often make it look very the situation a little. This is not
easy! Parents, and teachers, easy but try to see it as a problem
often feel de-skilled when faced to be solved and approach it
with a child who does not behave ‘scientifically’.
appropriately.
Make a list of the behaviours
This, in turn, can lead to the situation which you are finding difficult,
getting worse as parents get more then prioritise them from the
and more frustrated and children most to the least troubling.
feel more powerful but also less
secure, making their behaviour
even more extreme. In children

3. Concentrate on the behaviour
at the top of the list and make There are four strategies,
a note of anything which which are particularly useful;
might be relevant. When does
it happen? Where does it Routine - the more established a
happen? Is any other particular routine the less likely a child is to try to
person involved? How often change it. You may need a ‘going to
does it happen? What happens school’ routine, a ‘what to do when
before? What happens after? you come home’ routine, a ‘bedtime’
How do other people react? routine. In fact, wherever you notice
How does it stop? You may a time that causes problems, try a
need to observe for a few days routine. Routines are particularly
important for children with short-
Then try to work out what term memory problems. Repetition
the child is getting from this enables them to remember what
behaviour. Is it attention? Do to do and allows them to be more
they enjoy the fuss? Do they get independent.
their own way? Do they avoid
doing something else? Consistency - this ties into routines
but also includes how we respond
At this point you should have some to a behaviour. If we always ignore
ideas about what triggers the ‘Johnny’ when he shouts then
behaviour, how it stops, and what eventually he will stop shouting, if
the child gets from it. Now you are we only ignore it now and again then
in a better position to try to change he will learn that it works sometimes
it. This will take time. Your child may and he keeps trying.
have been practising this behaviour
for several years. It is unrealistic to Look for the Positive, Ignore the
expect it to stop immediately. You Negative sometimes - we have
and your child will need to learn to make a real effort to notice the
new behaviours to replace the one positives but when you do notice that
you want to stop. your child is behaving appropriately,
make sure they know you’ve noticed.
Reward good behaviour, however

4. small. Rewards can be anything These strategies may well help in
that the child enjoys; a cuddle, curbing inappropriate behaviour
five minutes playtime, music, just but this is when the hard work
a smile. It doesn‘t have to be a really begins! Children need help
present. Try to ignore inappropriate in learning how to manage their
behaviour as much as you can. If own behaviour. Some children
you have to intervene do it as calmly with hydrocephalus will need direct
and as quietly as possible, avoid teaching of social skills because
arguments and discussion. Make they find social interaction,
instructions clear and positive; understanding language, reading
‘This is what I want you to do’, not, emotions and body language very
‘Don‘t do that’. difficult. They may need to learn
how to manage their own emotions.
Make time - try to make some What do you do when you are
time every day which is just for you angry, frustrated, really excited?
and your child. It could be built into
a routine, for example, at bedtime. Again, this is very child specific
It is important that this time is and not everything can be covered
guaranteed, no matter what, even in this leaflet. Shine Support and
if you don‘t feel like it. If your child Development Workers, and Shine
doesn’t feel like it, make it clear Education Advisers, are here to
that this is special time and you are offer advice. Call 01733 555988 to
available if they change their mind. locate your local contact.
Help us
Shine relies on people’s generosity and support so we can help our clients
who depend on us for help and advice - people with hydrocephalus,
spina bifida, their families and carers. To donate to Shine please visit
www.shinecharity.org.uk or call 01733 555988.
This information has been produced by Shine’s medical advisers and
approved by Shine’s Medical Advisory Committee of senior medical
professionals.
Shine - Registered charity no.249338
To see our full range of information sheets and to find out how to donate
to Shine please visit www.shinecharity.org.uk