This document outlines a 4-week program to improve family relationships. Week 1 introduces concepts of family, functions of families, and exploring family breakdown. Participants plan a family activity for Week 3 and begin an action plan. Week 2 focuses on communication skills, setting boundaries, and reviewing action plans. Week 3 involves a family leisure event and reviewing action plans. Week 4 celebrates the learning and continues reviewing and improving action plans.

1. Improving Relationships
Between Family Members

2. Contents
1. Scheme of Work
2. Week 1
3. Week 2
4. Week 3
5. Week 4
6. Forms
7. Resources

3. Scheme of Work
Improving Relationships in Families
Week 1
 What is a Family?
 Who is my Family?
 Functions of the Family
 How Healthy is your Family?
 Exploring Family Breakdown.
 Planning a Family Activity.
 Introduction to Action Plan.
Week 2
 Ways to Improve Family Relationships:
 Communication Skills
 Setting Boundaries
 Review of Action Plan
 Identifying Support Needed
Week 3
 Family Leisure Event
 Reviewing Action Plan
Week 4
 Celebrating Learning
 Reviewing & Continuing Action Plan

4. Week 1
Session Objectives:
 To Discuss: ‘What is a Family?’
 To explore family breakdown.
 To discuss possible family activities.
 To discuss a family activity to be completed in week 3.
 To agree further research to be completed by participants.
Trainer Preparation:
 Find out more about the support and facilities there are for families & how to access it.
Trainer Introduction:
 Introduce the overall four week programme.
 Explain how the action plan will be used.
Activities
1. What is ‘Family’
Facilitate discussion by encouraging description, asking what others think etc:
 “What is a family?”
 “What does it mean?”
Show examples of descriptions of ‘family’ from very different people from different cultures and family
types. Read out loud so all can understand.
 Discuss: ‘What are main factors that define the family?’
 Refer to points raised in definitions. What do you agree/disagree with & why?
2. Different Dimensions of Relationships
Discuss:
 “What is are the different dimensions of relationships in a family is a family?”
 “What does it mean?”
 Facilitate discussion by asking what others think etc.
Note: Different dimensions of relationships in family:
 Degree of trust.
 Degree of intimacy.
 Degree of responsibility for that individual.
 How much enjoy their company.
 Level of comfort given by that family member.
 Level of openness/honesty.
 Level of safety feel with that family member.

5. Week 1
3. ‘Functions of a Family’
Facilitate discussion by asking what others think etc:
Note Examples: ‘Functions of the Family’
 Procreate: Have Children.
 Regulate Sexual Behaviour.
 Protection & Care of the Young.
 Socialisation: Passing on Cultural Values & Teaching Values, Morals & Norms.
 Provide a Home & Base to Live.
 Give a Feeling of Belonging.
 Relationships Based on Love, Support, Respect & Loyalty.
4. ‘Exploring Family Breakdown’
Introduce session to clarify what this area is about: ‘Looking at reasons why the traditional nuclear and
extended family has changed so much over last 50 years’.
 Reflect on ‘bigger picture’ as to why we are where we are today with regard to levels of family
breakdown
‘Order of Importance’
Get them to list the things that are:
 Most important to them in a family.
 Things that cause the most conflict.
 Prioritise each list
‘Family Issues’
Facilitate the discussion by asking questions about why they have put them in a particular order.
When completed, different issues below as a group:
 What has affected them, if anything, with regard to where they are now in their family set up?
 What issues are being caused by any family breakdown?
 What could be done to address any issues?
5. ‘How Healthy is your Family?’
Introduce session to clarify what this area is about: ‘Looking at how healthy your family is’.
‘Scenarios’
 Work in groups, hand out scenarios & ask them to discuss.
 Bring back together to feedback & discuss as a group.
Note: Suggested discussion points may include:
 How the circumstances may have made them feel
 Issues that the scenario raised
 Who was affected
 Consequences
 How the situation was dealt with

6. 6. ‘Family Time’
Note for Trainer: Some pre- research must be completed on local possible family activities.
Check out:
 What local children’s centres & schools are doing.
 If local police, fire, armed services have any activities.
 Local people could be invited to come in & talk to participants about activities.
‘Planning the Event’
Discuss:
 What can families do together?
 Why is it a good idea to do an activity?
 Ask what sort of things they would like to do (Low cost).
Use the list below to suggest activities if short of ideas:
 Play Games: Board Games, Cards.
 Physical Activities: Walking, Cycling.
 Doing something new together.
 Team Games.
 ‘Laugh with each other’: Watching DVD, telling stories.
As well as doing more activities together on a day to day basis, introduce plans to all do something
in Week Three. Give information & suggestions of local activities.
 Agree potential activities to be arranged for 3rd
session. It could be one activity all attend or
could be activities they do independently.
 Agree what research participants will complete: This could be finding out more about activities
already arranged OR research on alternative suggestions.
Overall Session Conclusion
All participants will need individual help to think through what they have discussed and what it means
for them. Make sure they have begun to identify what may be causing any family breakdown and the
first steps to take; setting themselves some achievable personal targets.

7. Week 2
Session Objectives:
 To develop the skills needed to improve communication within the family unit,
 Learn how to set boundaries to improve family relationships.
1. Communicating: Tips for Better Relationships
Note to Trainer: Establish ground rules before showing the You-tube clips below e.g. stays within group,
listen to each other, no interrupting, etc.
Introduce this topic with a number of clips from below. Use them to stimulate discussion about
communication and improving relationships. Each clip is approx. two minutes long and range from one
minute to four minutes. The person talking, although she calls herself an ‘expert’, uses easy language and
examples to make key points about the most important aspect of communication and building
relationship.
‘Part One’
 ‘Resolve a Conflict’ (One Min):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leqm3ZAQtcM&feature=related
 ‘Change your Viewpoint’ (One Min)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IANhYw_FRFE&feature=related
 ‘Don’t Make Assumptions’ (Two Min’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xWM3bYIJ-c&feature=related
After the above clips, encourage comment & discussion:
 Why is it best to resolve conflicts quickly?
 What does she mean by ‘putting yourself in someone else shoes’?
 What can happen if you make assumptions? Can it cause conflict? So how to you avoid that?
 Can you think of any examples when you or your partner has done this?
 Do you think you could apply some of the things she talks about?
 What difference do you think it would make to your relationship if you did?
 What are the barriers to stop you doing this?
 How could you get over those barriers?
 Can you think of any particular times when this would be worth trying?
‘Part Two’
 ‘How you Communicate with Others will Effect How They Communicate with you’ (Three Min’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0n68rXRNwg&feature=related
 ‘Vulnerability: Saying How you Feel’ (Three Min’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3lqf_SYRDA&feature=related
After the above clips encourage comment & discussion:
 What does she mean ‘you teach people how to treat you?’
 Why is it important to say how you feel?

8. ‘Part Three’
 It’s OK to be Wrong’ (Two Min’s):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71u3Dx6Elwo&feature=related
 ‘Don’t Bring Up Old Hurts’ (Two Min’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCa4PKihJM4&feature=related
 ‘Listening’ (One Min & Forty Five Sec’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHIArQJutIA
After the above clips encourage comment & discussion:
 What did she say was emotional abuse?
 What can happen if you bring up old hurts? why do you think you do it?
 What makes a good listener?
Below are some more clips which can be used – depending on the group and their reaction to clips so far
(i.e. if they enjoy watching them).
‘Part Four’
 ‘Keep Things Private’ (One Min Thirty Sec’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVqGOg5iYPk&feature=related
 ‘Dreams & Goals’ (Four Min’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcoyP8Zk2Z8&feature=related
 ‘Compliments’ (Two Min’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lStslUyWeN8&feature=related
 ‘Surprising your Partner’ (Two Min’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gScd7mfyfR4
 ‘Self Respect’ (Three Min’s & Thirty Sec’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HQLXbockAQ
 ‘Be an Individual’ (One Min & Thirty Sec’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wdq-ovYvMk

9. 2. ‘Role Play’
If the group is the right size and they are happy to do role play, then this would be a good way to practice
the skills of communication and building relationships. The easiest one to do would probably be listening
techniques.
Ask:
 How effective are you at listening?
 What does it mean to be an empathetic or active listener?
Explain & discuss the list below:
 Empathetic/active listening.
 Put true self in charge.
 Not try to be someone you are not.
 Do not get distracted, focus on you relationship.
 Be aware of partner’s thoughts & feelings without judgement.
 Summarise for them what your impressions are of how they are feeling & what they are saying.
 Observe the response to your summary to see how accurate you are.
 Use eye contact & open postures.
 Give indication that you are listening e.g. nods, saying ‘yes’, ‘ah’ etc.
Discuss these techniques and ask them to use them in role play. They can talk about whatever they feel
comfortable with. Best to work in groups of 3 (2 having a discussion with one main ‘listener’ and one
observer). The observer can use the template below to make any notes.
After the role play, get the ‘listener’ to feedback:
 How they felt they did
 How the ‘talker’ felt.
 The observer can then make their observation.
Final Notes:
Are there are particular aspects of communication that the group wish to work on then and there that can
be agreed that they feel happy with? E.g. discussion about finance, where there is a lot of worry & concern,
discussion between partners about what’s best for a child.
Behaviour Did they
show this?
(√)
Any Examples?
Eye Contact, Smiling
Open Posture
Nodding, Making Appropriate
Sounds
Summarising Back What Has
Been Said to Them
Summarising How They Think
They are Feeling
Not Being Distracted
Not Being Judgemental

10. 3. ‘Communicating with your Partner: What to Say’
The following phrases can be discussed and used during discussion. They must not be used in a sarcastic
way but in a calm and non judgemental way:
 “What is it you need from me now?” or “What I need from you now is....”
 “We have different values when it comes to this.”
 “Please tell me what you think I’m saying to you” or “Let me tell you what I think you’re saying.”
 “Can we find a solution to this together?” (What each other needs, how both can get as near as
possible to what want and still feel good)
 “What’s best for both of us now?”
 “I don’t feel heard.”
 “I can’t hear you when you are swearing/shouting/name calling/criticising.”
 “I feel overwhelmed now.” (E.g. too much talking, not enough time to think about what saying.)
 “Why are you telling me this?”
 “Whose needs are most important to you now? Yours or mine?”
4. ‘Setting Boundaries’
Watch:
 ‘Setting Boundaries’ (One Min & 20 Sec’s)
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAhSAVp2ZE8&feature=related
 Saying ‘No’. (One Min)
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2r7GsgC-N8&feature=related
Highlight:
 She ends with saying “Don’t forget, ‘no’ is a complete sentence.” Ask what others think about that
and the general points she is making.
 Do any of you have difficulty setting boundaries? Ask for examples.
 ‘Being Assertive’ (Three Min’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qd1iHEAwtX8&feature=related
Discuss:
 What does she mean by ‘label the behaviour not the person’?
 How does she say you will get respect from others?
 What do you think about her comment that shouting etc. is not being an adult?

11. 5. ‘Practice Saying ‘No’’
A simple exercise in pairs where each asks each other simple favours or requests and have to say ‘no’. Get
each person to ask about six different favours. Just the feeling of saying ‘no’ is a good exercise. After this
exercise ask the group to share how that felt. How new is it to them?
6. ‘What is Acceptable to you?’
Ask them to make a personal list of the things that are not acceptable to you – in particular think about
what you are currently ‘putting up with’ but don’t think that you should be.
After this exercise ask group to share some of the things they have listed.
7. ‘What are Boundaries?’
Go through in more detail what a boundary is and what it does:
 Boundaries are not rules. They are tools for building cooperation in relationships, for letting others
know what you want and for letting them know which options are available to them (for getting
what they want).
 Set boundaries when you want behaviours to change and wish to avoid negative, stressful
behaviours such as nagging, yelling, threatening or punishing to get what you want. Whether you
use boundaries in relationships with children or other adults, the characteristics of boundaries and
how set boundaries are the same. Boundaries allow you to follow through without even getting
angry! Follow through works wonders, but it requires patience, faith, consistency and courage!
These are the characteristics of boundaries:
 Clarity: Boundaries are clear, specific and clearly communicated.
 Win-win: Boundaries respect and consider the needs of everyone involved. They attempt to create
ways for both you and others to get what you want. For example: “I want to hear about this
problem. I’ll be free to give you my full attention as soon as ....”
 Proactive: Boundaries work to prevent problems and are typically expressed before a problem
occurs or before it is allowed to continue (or get worse). For example: “Let’s stay quiet in the room
so we don’t disturb ..........”
 Positive: The most effective boundaries typically focus on the positive outcomes of cooperation.
They are also expressed positively, as promises rather than threats or simply as information. For
example, “If you tidy your things away for 5 days in a row, you can have the 6th day off (or get some
reward).”
 Follow Through: Allowing a positive consequence to occur only when the child does what you’ve
asked: Is what communicates that you mean what you say and you say what you mean. It increases
the likelihood that they will take you seriously when you ask for what you want, and it improves the
chances that they will cooperate as well.

12. 8. ‘Reasons to Set Boundaries’
To Discuss
· Boundaries allow you to express your limits & to communicate the conditions or availability of
certain privileges that your family may want.
· Boundaries prevent conflict and build win-win power structures. They help you take care of
yourself while attempting to accommodate your families’ needs.
· Boundaries build a reward-oriented environment. They emphasise positive consequences:
desirable outcomes available with cooperation.
· Boundaries create less stress and fewer power struggles than rules and demands (which are
typically win-lose and often focus on punishments or negative outcomes for not doing).
· Boundaries build mutual consideration & respect.
· Boundaries do not rely on the child’s fear of the adult’s emotional reaction (such as anger or
disapproval) to help the adult get what he or she wants.
· Boundaries with good follow through can reduce negative behaviours such as whining, begging,
temper tantrums, rebelliousness, refusal to comply, talking back or relying on excuses to get they
want.
Describe situation needing
boundary
Who does it involve? What can you do? What is the outcome
you hope for?
· Boundaries leave the door open for people to change their behaviour in order to get their needs
met. While rules or threats emphasise the penalties for misbehaviour, boundaries focus on the
ability to make more constructive choices.
· Boundaries do not threaten emotional safety in relationships
· Boundary-setting is especially effective in an atmosphere of love, acceptance and respect,
although the process can help create these qualities in an otherwise stressful relationship.
Ask everyone to think about at least 3 situations where they could start setting boundaries and then
describe how to go about it and what they hope the outcome will be. Learners can use the table below to
help.
The following clip may be suitable for summary at the end but it is quite direct in that it tells people not
to feel sorry for themselves, and not to complain all the time etc. It may be taken the wrong way by some
people and it depends on group as to whether it should be used. It is the same person used in
introductory clips.
 ‘Building Confidence’ (Four Min’s & Forty Sec’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUHeJAQ88PQ&feature=related

13. Week 3
Session Objectives:
 To participate in a family leisure activity.
Week 4
Session Objectives:
 Review & continuing action plan.
 To review success of family activity.
 To identify what has been learned over the last four weeks.
 To identify any improvements in family relationships.
 To self assess overall progress that has been made.
 To set long term targets.
 To celebrate learning.
1. ‘Review of Family Activity’
 Ensure everyone tells each other about the activity they did.
 If all did same activity, what did each of them get from it?
 Review any photos or products made as a result of the activity.
 Discuss how they will continue with family activities.
 Decide if want to put together a display (photos/quotes/information) about the activity.
 Some participants may do a mini presentation (if part of their own development).
2. Review of Progress
Ask participants if family relationships have improved and get participants to talk about any examples.
Participants to complete the second self assessment on their action plan and complete details regarding
number of targets achieved and distance travelled. They will then set longer term targets to carry on after
the end of these sessions.
 Play the following Royal family clip: A funny excerpt showing a very upset family member! It is a
light hearted ‘end’ to the session. (Three Min’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KdtgoSCXpU
Having learned so much on these sessions: How would you advise this family?
3. Celebrating Learning & Progress
Participants to share with each other at least three positive things they have got from the sessions.
Trainer: Encourage participants to identify positive changes they have noticed in others as well.
Use prizes/certificates as appropriate.

14. Forms
IMPROVINGRELATIONSHIPSBETWEENFAMILYMEMBERS
MyActionPlanName:Date:
KeyWorker:
(1=Hardlyeverdoit!10=Doitallthetime!)WhereamInow?WheredoIwanttobe?
CommunicatingHowIFeel
ListeningtoOthers
SettingBoundaries
WorkingasaTeam:SharingResponsibilities
DoingThingsTogetherasaFamily
RespectingEachOther
DealingwithConflicts&Arguments

15. SHORTTERMTARGETSTOBEACHIEVEDOVERTHENEXT4WEEKS
WhatIwillworkonHowwillIdothat?
HowwillIknowIhavebeensuccessful?
Whatismytarget?
Bywhich
session?
Forms

16. AREVIEWOFMYJOURNEYSOFAR:
HowmanytargetsdidIsetmyself?HowmanydidIachieve?
SummaryofhowfarIhaveprogressed:
WhereamInow?
(1-10scale)Isthatbetter/worse/sameaswhatIwanted?
CommunicatingHowIFeel
ListeningtoOthers
SettingBoundaries
WorkingasaTeam:SharingResponsibilities
DoingThingsTogetherasaFamily
RespectingEachOther
DealingwithConflicts&Arguments
Forms

17. Forms
LONGTERMTARGETS
WhatdoIneedtoworkon?
HowwillIdothat?WhatsupportwillI
need?
HowwillIknowIhavebeen
successful?Whatismytarget?Bywhen?

18. Nature of Support Who/Where Timescale
Examples of Targets:
 To resolve an argument in a way where we are all happy on at least 2 occasions.
 To use a listening technique (e.g. repeat back what hear) at least once.
 Keep to an agreement made with children as to when TV can be watched.
 Draw up a list of jobs in the house and agree who is responsible for them.
 Contact ………………………………………………………..& make an appointment to discuss debt.
 Do one indoor and one outdoor activity together as a complete family.
 Stick to a new rule of no shouting or name calling in the house.
 Say how I feel to my partner about …………………………………………………..
What other support will I need after this programme?

19. Resources
For more information please use the links below:
Relate: http://www.relate.org.uk/life-family-channel/index.html
Mind: http://www.mind.org.uk/help/medical_and_alternative_care/how_to_survive_family_life
Family Action: http://www.family-action.org.uk/home.aspx?id=11578
Citizens Advice Bureau: http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/
For more information about:
Pathway2work: Supporting Families in Walsall please:
Call: 01922 870050
E-mail: info@pathwaygroup.co.uk