Introduction to the services that CPC offers for GRIPS PhD students during their time at GRIPS.

1. CPC services
for GRIPS PhD
students
Lawrie Hunter, CPC editor
September 22, 2022

2. Now don’t tell me!
-that you don’t have
Prof. Petchko’s excellent
and wonderful textbook:
[It’s really all you need.]
PDF available free from
GRIPS Library e-book section.

3. One-stop shop: Hunter’s website https://lawriehunter.com
Lots of self-learning opportunities in Hunter’s slideshare: https://slideshare.net/rolenzo/presentations/

4. Hunter’s CPC services for doctoral students
1. Editing
2. Mentoring
3. Presentation support
4. Mapping for complexity management
Meet Hunter (F2F or in Zoom) for
an initial assessment and strategy discussion.
Contact during GRIPS internet outage:
Contact during normal times:

5. 1. Editing
Hunter can edit parts of each section of your paper
so you can develop the writing style for each section.
This takes some time, but your learning will be considerable.
2. Mentoring
Hunter can comment extensively on
the conformity problems and readability problems in your paper.
This is time-consuming too, but you will soon start to shine.
In this kind of mentoring, we can use coded feedback for greater learning.
Hunter’s CPC services for doctoral students

6. Sample of Hunter’s
mentoring comments
and
coded feedback
-from a GRIPS PhD student paper

7. Hunter’s code for mentoring work
action verb Rather than a copula verb, use an action verb for impact/clarity.
agr mistake with subject-verb agreement
awk A phrase or sentence is awkward (awkward = not smooth)
cas This language is casual, not formal (not FAE).
comb Combine sentences.
conj This is a conjunction (don’t start a sentence with it).
gr grammar mistake
link this logic link is wrong, or at least not the best choice
nom Nominalize this phrase (make it into a noun phrase)
non-std this phrasing is not standard
not true
This sentence/phrase, as written, is untrue.
e.g. In this paper, 36 randomly selected subjects were interviewed.
par
imperfect parallel structure
e.g. Some New Zealanders have been forced to live in cars, garages and under
bridges.
prox This chunk of text is not in close proximity to the chunk it's strongly related to.
red
redundant (some information has been repeated,
e.g. The temperature was also recorded as well.)
ref
pronoun reference/article reference problem
(i.e. What does this pronoun/article refer to?)
rep repetitive
rephr Rephrase this.
run-on This is a run-on sentence; it's too long to be readable.
sp spelling mistake
S-V
distance
The subject and verb are dangerously far apart.
tense
You have used the wrong verb tense (past/present/future)
e.g. Yesterday I am going to Tokushima.
topic-
stress
The first part of a sentence (or paragraph) should contain TOPIC (background, or
back-linking); the last part should contain STRESS (what you want to reveal or
emphasize)
usage
This combination of words is not standard/not central.
e.g. The country was fragmented into many domains.
vag
This phrasing is vague or ambiguous.
e.g. The dispute weakened the position of the government.
voice
Change from the passive voice to active voice, or vice versa.
e.g. The ball was hit by the batter. (Here 'voice' means change to “The batter hit the
ball.”)
windy This writing is run-on, it could and should be much shorter.
word Find a better word for your meaning.
Add something here (often an article).
verb Add a verb here.
These are the editor-mentor marks used by Hunter. PDF available on Hunter’s website.

8. 3. Presentation coaching
The presentation aspect of your dissertation defense is crucial
for selling your research design and results to your committee.
The latest you can start this is one month before your dissertation defense,
but the stress level is high by then.
It’s better to start this work in the first or second year of your doctoral
studies.
Hunter offers help with:
1. Powerpoint design
2. Speaking script creation
3. Speaking issues: intonation, pausing, blending.
-Hunter can record some model speaking for you too.
Hunter’s CPC services for doctoral students

9. 4. Mapping for complexity management
Information mapping instruction and support
- concept mapping
- argument mapping
- mind mapping (maybe)
Start informing yourself about mapping at https://lawriehunter.com/mapping/
and in the Mapping pull-down menu on any Hunter web page.
Hunter would love to do mapping work with you
when you encounter information complexity — or any time!
Hunter’s CPC services for doctoral students

10. As we start: you and your writing
Style
Conformity
=====
Argument(s)
Paragraph–paragraph cohesion
=====
Sentence–sentence cohesion
Precise phrasing
Word choice
Hunter’s
WRITING
WORK
HIERARCHY

11. Readability
Cohesion

12. Today’s
topic area

13. 8 great ways to wreck your readability
1. Large S-V (subject-verb) distance
2. Misuse of topic position / stress position
3. Fractured parallelism
4. Unclear pronoun reference
5. Wrong article choice
6. Weak word choice (vague, imprecise)
5. Lack of cohesion
6. Too many simple sentences (lack of combining)
S-V distance
Topic / stress
Parallelism
Pronoun ref
Article choice
Word choice
Cohesion
Joining sentences

14. Actually, there are
more ways
to wreck
your readability
Weak word choice (for specificity)
Casual instead of formal register
Incorrect usage
Uneven style
Non-standard verb tense
Vagueness
Repetitive/redundant phrases
Complex sentence structures
Subject far from verb
Unclear pronoun reference, phrase reference, article reference
Unclear claim, overclaim, lack of hedging
Modifier far from modified
Dangling modifiers (hanging off the end of the clause, far from
the referent)
Poorly connected clauses
Fractured parallel structure (in lists, comparisons)

16. Accessibility: it is easy
for the reader to get
the information from
the writing.
Conformity: the writing
follows the conventions
-of academic writing,
-of your field, and
-of the target journal,
-as well as the
conventions of
everyday
grammar and usage.

17. Orchestrating
your
argument
Neville, C. (2010)
The complete guide to referencing and
avoiding plagiarism. 2nd ed.
Open University Press. p. 24.

18. Orchestrating your argument
(in this example,
concept mapping
with Cmap Tools)

19. Basic best writing practice
COHERENCE:
-early stage of writing:
-confirming your argument line using
REVERSE OUTLINES
-late stage writing (near submission)
-confirming your narrative line by making 1+
TOPIC SENTENCE PARAGRAPHs

20. Presentation support
Slide density and accessibility
Script style for speakability
Speech models (recordings of segments of script)
NOTE: at least one month for defense prep
NOTE: better to start in PhD year 1

21. Style support
Style guides (APA, CMoS, journal style)
Style sheets
Mimicry of style in model papers
(published in S’s target journal)
Model papers: require vetting by supervisor/editor

22. Style support
Model paper
vetting
à la Hunter

23. Style support
Model paper
vetting
à la Hunter

25. Supervisor – editor liaison
-to avoid commentary overlap (or collision)
-to set the approach to the individual client
-re supervisor’s goals for the client;
-client goals vis á vis writing

26. Please contact Hunter freely
In ordinary times: cpc_editor@grips.ac.jp
During internet collapse: hunterlawrie@gmail.com
Hunter’s slideshare:
https://slideshare.net/rolenzo/presentations/
Hunter’s website:
https://lawriehunter.com