1. eep ing
su r vey
exclusive
cribsl
lee p ing
vs. cos where does your
baby spend the night?
by Patty Onderko photographs by Laura Moss
The second most-dreaded question for new parents after
“Is your baby sleeping?” (Answer: “Well, yes, for forty-
five–minute stretches, but not during the night, and only
after I conduct a two-hour–long routine including feeding,
swaddling, singing, rocking, and an ancient tribal sleep
dance”) is “Where does he sleep?” That’s because the
response is usually just as complicated and the people who
ask are often ready to pass judgment on it. At least, that’s
what more than 6,000 of you told us in our national survey
about sleep habits, in which we set out to determine the
differences between parents who put their babies down to
sleep at night in a crib (for convenience’s sake, we’re calling
Who’s getting
more zzz’s?
60% of crib-sleeping tots
were snoozing through the
night by 6 months, compared
with 41% of co-sleepers
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2. Doctor Who?
70% of crib-sleepers say their
pediatrician fully supports their decision
about where their baby sleeps
Only 23% of co-sleepers
report the same
them “crib-sleepers”) and those who share a family bed
with their children (co-sleepers). Here, an illuminating
peek into the night lives of new families:
“now, that’s crazy!”
When we were creating this survey, we imagined a giant
pillow fight, with moms on one side of the bed yelling
“Safety!” and a posse on the other shouting “Bonding!”
And we did hear those battle cries: Nearly half of all
crib-sleepers admitted that they think co-sleepers are
“irresponsible” and that parents who share a family bed
are “putting their baby’s life at risk.” Another 39 percent
think that co-sleeping parents are spoiling their baby. “I
best-laid plans
Babies sure know how to throw wrenches, especially
know people who still have a three-year-old in bed with
in the middle of the night!
them because the kid won’t sleep alone. Now, that’s crazy!”
exclaims Patty Queen, a mom of two in Marion, North THE PLAN THE REALITY
Carolina. “Come on, people, you are only making it hard
on the kids by keeping them in the bed with you.” Another
crib proponent, Esther Tune of Henderson, Nevada,
11% 42 %
of expectant parents ended up sharing a
considers co-sleeping to be “the easy option.” “I never planned to co-sleep family bed once the
brought my kids into my bed—even though it would have with their babies baby arrived
been easier. I believe they’re safer in their own crib.”
So what about the safety issue? In a 2005 policy state- 96 % 75 %
of expectant parents used the crib
ment, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) warned planned to put their once the baby
that bed-sharing was associated with an increase in sud- babies down to sleep arrived
den infant death syndrome (SIDS) and strongly recom- in their own cribs
mended against the practice. “There is no evidence that
co-sleeping can be done safely,” adds John Kattwinkel,
14 % 5%
of expectant parents ended up using the
M.D., chairperson of the AAP’s Task Force on SIDS. planned to use a special bassinets
No wonder moms who co-sleep are twice as likely to co-sleeper attached
feel judged compared with crib-sleepers. In their defense, to their bed
co-sleepers cite the work of James McKenna, Ph.D., an Percentages total more than 100 percent because respondents
anthropologist whose research shows SIDS rates to be could choose more than one option.
lower in countries where co-sleeping is the norm, and the
attachment-parenting theories of Babytalk contributing arrangement for safety reasons as crib-sleepers. And they
editor William Sears, M.D. (Both experts believe also slung some arrows: 40 percent of moms who planned
parents can—and must—co-sleep safely; see to co-sleep believe that parents who use a crib won’t have
bottom left: Getty images
Askdrsears.com for guidelines.) In fact, co-sleepers as close a bond with their babies as they do; another 20
were just as likely to choose their sleeping percent feel that crib-sleepers are “selfish” and “only
Forget the crib and the family bed—20% of all respondents
say their baby sleeps in a car seat, bouncer, swing, or stroller
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3. what parents say about…
co-sleeping crib-sleeping
I had a natural birth, I that it gets in the way of Nothing is better than I
breastfeed, my husband our sex life, but I couldn’t the look on my son’s face wanted
and I wear our baby, and care less about that.” when his father and I my kids to
we co-sleep. Our baby’s —Lori Anderson, enter his room to get him get used to their cribs so
needs are met.” Camden, SC out of his crib after a long that they’d have one less
—Melissa Armstrong,
I feel safer feeling my night’s sleep.” —Kelli transition to make, since
Costa Mesa, CA Kudrick, Denver there are so many transi-
baby’s every little twitch
There isn’t anything and hearing her breathe Our son doesn’t have tions babies have to go
sweeter than waking up next to me.” —Garyn to hear us roll over, snore, through.” —Donna Barber,
to a baby all cuddled up Johnson, Wasilla, AK or go to the bathroom in Alexandria, VA
next to you!” —Emily the middle of the night. My sister’s kids are
When my husband
Payne, Bakersfield, CA And my husband and I seven and eight and
was deployed, it felt bet-
Both of my children like having the bedroom still sleep with her for
ter to have my daughter
sleep in the bed with me. to ourselves so we can be half the night. I don’t
next to me.” —Eva Stroup,
My spouse doesn’t like Altus, OK husband and wife, not want that for my family.”
just baby caretakers!” —Jenny Wohlrabe,
—June Huff, Delaware, OH Prescott Valley, AZ
WoulD you Do it again?
77% of crib-sleepers would
definitely choose the same sleeping
arrangement for another child
52% of co-sleepers would
be completely willing to share
the family bed again
thinking of their own sleep.” “Babies grow up more secure every night in bed with her 5-month-old daughter. “But
when they sleep with their moms for the first year of their children set their own schedules. I never understood that
lives,” contends Phasinee Brown of Kansas City, Kansas. having a baby means giving up complete control.”
giving up control the perfect sleep solution
The majority of parents agreed, however, that in the quest For all the stress that surrounds getting your baby to
for rest, one size does not fit all babies. “After having three sleep, it’s helpful to remember—in a twisted sort of way,
children,” Trenny Suggs of Spring Hill, Tennessee, told us, we admit—that 51 percent of you report being tired all the
“I have learned that you have to do whatever is necessary time, regardless of whether your tot snoozes in a crib or in
to help your children sleep.” And for many of you, that your bed. In other words, there’s no right or wrong answer
means changing your game plan. According to our results, to that frustrating question “Where does your baby
only 11 percent of moms actually planned to co-sleep with sleep?” As Jaclyn Petrin of Princeton, New Jersey, said, “I
Top right: Getty images
their babies, but a whopping 42 percent ended up doing hope this survey helps parents understand that there is
so once their little bundles arrived (see “Best-Laid Plans” no perfect sleep solution. If there is, please let me know
on the previous page). “During my pregnancy, I studied what it is.” Sorry, Jaclyn, no such luck.
controversial topics, such as co-sleeping, and thought I
knew what I would do,” shared one reader in California, Patty OnderkO is a Babytalk senior editor. Her toddler
who swore that she wouldn’t co-sleep but now spends twins sleep in their cribs…most of the time.
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4. Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction prohibited without permission.