1. COVERAGE REPORT
Logline: A drug-addicted, psychic mother finds a new life for herself and her daughter at
an experimental rehab facility, but discovers supernatural horrors within.
Recommendation: Recommend (x) Consider Pass
Comments Summary: THE CYCLE is an original horror thriller with a strong voice and a
unique theme for the horror genre: love and loss between mother and daughter.
However, confusing plot points and suboptimal structure prevent the story from reaching
its full potential.
Excellent Good Fair Needs Work
Premise x
Storyline x
Characterization x
Dialogue x
Structure x
Writing x
Originality x
STORY: THE CYCLE opens on a daytime rave at a warehouse. JENNIFER SALAS
(27) snorts cocaine off her DANCE PARTNER. Meanwhile, her twin girls CLARA and
DANI (10) lock themselves in their room at a run-down motel. They fend against THE
OWNER who demands payment. Jennifer suddenly comes to—vomits on her partner—
and squeals away in her dilapidated car to rescue her girls. At the motel, the family
races to get their belongings into the car. Dani almost loses her DOLL, MELISSA.
Jennifer drives. At a stoplight, she looks in all directions. She sees visions of violence,
sex, and drugs. No direction is safe, but she turns right. (This vision doesn’t include
drugs.) Another violent incident occurs at another dank motel. Jennifer drives her family
onward. The doll Melissa is left behind. In a new town, Jennifer quickly finds
employment as a diner waitress. She and the girls settle into a tiny apartment. Jennifer
collapses in the bathroom, drunk and spent. Meanwhile, Clara and Dani explore a
rotting pond behind the apartment. Dani almost drowns. Clara saves her—but drowns
Title: THE CYCLE Author(s): David D’Angelo
Received: October 13, 2023 From: NA
Circa: Current Day
Locale: Dirty Towns / Psychiatric
Hospital / America
Genre: Horror – Supernatural / Gore Page Count: 119
Prepared By: Rachel Ochsen Coverage Date: October 16, 2023

2. instead. Dani cries for Jennifer to see their danger, but Jennifer's stupor makes her too
late. Jennifer retrieves Clara's dead body. Sometime days later, Dani demands they
leave. She runs into a street intersection and sees visions, considering different
directions. Jennifer insists they move south. Jennifer takes Dani to yet another hotel.
This time, Jennifer overdoses on heroin.
Jennifer wakes in a sterile room at Fairview, an experimental rehabilitation facility. Dani
plays outside. GUINEVERE "GWEN" ISHMAEL (40s)—who has exceptionally long
fingernails—informs Jennifer that her choice is treatment or jail.
Jennifer chooses treatment and soon loses her psychic ability. She enjoys her
newfound peace. She and Dani move into an eerie family flat. Jennifer is unaware that
at night, the building ripples and screams fill the air. She joins group activities with other
patients: SHERMAN (50), a pathetic pyromaniac; GINA (22), a goth with road rage;
TODD, a middle-aged overconfident businessman; KARLA (42), a devout Catholic.
At night, Dani hears disembodied screams. CHANDLER LARSON (20), the babysitter
on staff, leads a sadistic ritual with STAFF and PATIENTS—promising their nightmares
will end. The next morning, Chandler returns the doll Melissa to Dani. He does not
answer how he found it.
Jennifer begins dating NICK HARPER (30), a gorgeous maintenance man. Nick
divulges his painful memories of working with suicidal dementia patients. Jennifer is
glad that she can now learn about others’ pain through connection rather than visions.
Jennifer and Dani argue. Dani wants to leave, although Jennifer insists Fairview is best
for them. Soon, Jennifer's unease grows. She hears that Gina and Karla died in a car
accident leaving Fairview, but she is suspicious that it was suicide. She then finds the
doll Melissa buried in her pool bag—knowing it was left behind at a motel. Yet, Jennifer
accepts responsibility from Gwen to lead a sobriety workshop. Gwen comments "Before
you know it, you just might be running the place… You are officially me."
At Gina and Karla's funeral, Sherman cries out against Fairview's horrors—pointing out
that they and Todd all died within a week. He slits his throat with a razor and dies.
The next morning, Dani is delirious from nightmares. She insists the dead patients are
still alive. Jennifer decides to leave Fairview. When she informs Gwen, Gwen states that
they can't escape the cycle of addiction—and that Jennifer is destined to lead Fairview.
If Jennifer accepts, Dani's nightmares will go away. Jennifer makes an escape plan.
That night, Jennifer sees the night terrors. Her visions return. She retrieves her hidden
gun. The next afternoon, Jennifer and Nick are ready to leave. They retrieve Dani from
the playroom, rescuing her from hanging herself. They race for an exit, slowed by the
morphing building and UNDEAD STAFFERS. Dani and Nick escape. Gwen stops
Jennifer, but Jennifer shoots her dead. The trio escapes in a van, into the sunset.
Jennifer and Nick realize the truth about the cycle: those who commit suicide must
relive suicide in their nightmares. They drive on and still see the nightmares. They soon
discover that Dani slit her wrists. Nick argues that Gwen's prophecy is true—he and
Dani will commit suicide. Nick pleads that Jennifer kill them to end the cycle. Instead,
Jennifer returns to Fairview as its leader to save Dani.
Three Months Later: Jennifer and Nick are alive and in love. They exit their flat and walk

3. down Fairview's hallway. Dani happily breezes by with two new friends. Jennifer walks
into a classroom to lead a workshop, where Chandler watches with a grin.
COMMENTS: THE CYCLE is an original, supernatural horror thriller with a unique twist:
it emphasizes the bond between mother and daughter. Its strong premise, characters,
and voice will drive future revisions.
THE CYCLE embraces horror convention with supernatural jump scares and shocking
imagery of violent suicides. Its concept of "the cycle" is original. Supernatural
nightmares lure patients to suicide, then once undead, the patients still have nightmares
of their suicide. This cycle is meant to parallel the cycle of drug addiction—quitting and
giving in. (However, this parallelism is vague and can be better highlighted in future
revisions.) Playful, romantic scenes relieve tension from the suspense.
Act 1 shows JENNIFER SALAS' drug addiction with pungency. She continually fails her
twin daughters CLARA and DANI, driving them to a new crime-ridden town for a fresh
start. These re-attempts curate sympathy. High-stakes strike immediately when Clara—
set up as a main character—dies near the end of Act 1. Jennifer drives the turn into Act
2 when she takes heroin out of grief and overdoses. From here, artful descriptions
thrust the story forward and help develop strong characters.
Overall, the characters feel authentic. They speak with naturalistic dialogue. Traumatic
backgrounds especially enrich Jennifer, Dani, and NICK HARPER. Jennifer is stuck in a
cycle of drug addiction; she tries to quit drugs to be a good mother, but repeatedly fails.
Dani watches Clara drown because of her own helplessness. Nick relives watching his
former dementia patient bleed to death. Nick and Jennifer’s romance adds more
believability to Jennifer’s character arc from a deadbeat mother to a strong mother.
As THE CYCLE features the theme of love between mother and daughter, one
interesting plot point involving Jennifer and Dani is not explored. When Jennifer loses
her psychic visions, Dani's psychic ability increases. In future revisions, highlighting this
part of the story can strengthen this theme.
Although THE CYCLE's story is original, engaging, and linear—several plot points are
confusing or discontinuous. Examples include…
In Act 1, Jennifer and the girls drive into town, spend the morning at a diner, then
unpack their belongings into a tiny apartment. It is unbelievable how they can settle in
so quickly.
TODD's death is confusing. He is last seen peacefully asleep, then found dead the next
morning. GWEN states he overdosed on drugs. Later, Nick alludes that he died of a
heart attack.
Jennifer becomes suspicious of Fairview when she hears that GINA and KARLA died in
a car accident. She instead believes they committed suicide. However, at this point in
the story, there is no reason for Jennifer to make this conclusion. Beforehand, the cycle
of supernatural nightmares and suicide is not clear.
These and other confusing moments can be quickly edited in future drafts.
More importantly—The mystery surrounding Gwen and “the cycle” needs more
explanation. It leaves questions unanswered which makes the narrative feel unfinished,
such as: Why do Gwen and Jennifer have the same tattoo? Why did Gwen decide it

4. was Jennifer's destiny to be her successor? Does this correlate to Jennifer's visions? Is
this why Jennifer doesn't immediately see Fairview's nightmares? Why does Jennifer
gain the ability to light UNDEAD STAFF on fire with her eyes?
Similarly, the concept of “the cycle” needs emphasis and clarification earlier in the
story—perhaps near the top of Act 2. It is vague and unclear until the end of Act 2 when
Nick explains “Gwen's prophecy is true. Dani and I are both caught in the cycle".
Further, its parallelism to the cycle of drug addiction is not immediately noticeable. In
future revisions, more explicit dialogue and foreshadowing can strengthen “the cycle’s”
message.
In addition to confusing story moments—THE CYCLE’s structure can improve by better
aligning to standard screenplay conventions. Currently, the script introduces key
characters and their subplots late, over the halfway point. Specifically, Dani’s and
Gwen’s subplots—which strongly affect Jennifer’s story—feel brief and stunted. This
makes the plot lull where the midpoint should be, and the rising action toward the climax
feel rushed and unsatisfying.
Dani’s experiencing the nightmares of others’ suicides is to juxtapose Jennifer’s serene
experience. However, Dani's perspective is not shown until page 69. Introducing this
earlier will add more tension to her and Jennifer’s relationship; and can help strengthen
the concept of “the cycle”.
Gwen’s mission is to make Jennifer her successor. However, this is not revealed until
page 80. This is a long time after her introduction on page 20. Her lack of development
through Act 2 diminishes her significance as the villain.
Introducing these subplots earlier, near the top of Act 2, will create more screen time for
developing characters, foreshadowing, and suspense. Trimming or cutting ensemble
subplots can help showcase Dani and Gwen’s roles. Subplots include: Todd and Gina’s
romance; Gina and Karla’s escape and death; CHANDLER’S sadness and violence; the
WOMAN and her toddler daughter AMELIA’S arrival.
Lastly—The setting is visually vague throughout. The crime-filled towns in Act 1 are
generic. They do not have a sense of era, architecture, landscape, or season of
weather. Adding these details can introduce an artful aesthetic and deeper meaning—or
at least some fun interest. For example, the grungy towns can be in winter and Fairview
can be in springtime—this jarring asynchronous detail can enhance suspense.
FINAL SUMMARY: THE CYCLE can be considered for its original premise, strong
voice, and strong female leads carrying the theme of bond between mother and
daughter. However—Future revisions need to clarify confusing story moments, and shift
key subplots earlier to strengthen character development, foreshadowing and climactic
payoff.