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B R U S H
/ Y O U R
/ F + % C
K I N G /
T E E T H .
A BEDTIME STORY FOR HYGIENICALLY CHALLENGED KIDS.
R A C H A E L W A C H S T E I N
# B Y F T
M Y B E A U T I F U L
K I D I S G R O W I N G
U P .
S O I A S K Y O U
M Y C H I L D , W H A T
T H E A C T U A L
F * % K ? !
B R U S H Y O U R F U C K I N G T E E T H
Y O U D O N ' T
B R U S H Y O U R
T E E T H , Y O U R
T O O T H B R U S H I S
D R Y
A N D T H E S M E L L
O F Y O U R
A R M P I T S B R I N G
T E A R S T O M Y
E Y E .
A N D W H A T D O
Y O U H A V E
A G A I N S T
T A K I N G A
S H O W E R ?
Y O U C A N S P A R E
A F E W M I N U T E S ,
I ' M N O T A S K I N G
F O R H O U R S .
T H E W O R S T O F
I T A L L M A Y B E
Y O U R F O O T
S M E L L .
I T ' S L I K E
R O T T I N G
C O R P S E S O R
S O U L S B U R N I N G
I N H E L L .
Y O U R R O O M I S
U N T I D Y , Y O U
D O N ' T S E E M T O
C A R E .
I S T H A T A
D R E A D L O C K I
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H A I R ?
I R E A L L Y D O N ' T
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Y O U ' R E S O V E R Y
A W E S O M E . I ' M
N O T B E I N G
M E A N .
J U S T B R U S H
Y O U R F * % K I N G
T E E T H E V E R Y
O N C E I N A
W H I L E O R Y O U R
F U T U R E F O R
S U R E I S A B I G
G U M M Y S M I L E .
W O U L D I T H U R T
T O B A T H E A F E W
T I M E S A W E E K ?
I F Y O U D O N ' T
I ' M A F R A I D
S O C I A L L I F E
W I L L B E B L E A K .
A N D
G O D D A M M I T K I D
F L U S H T H E
T O I L E T , W A S H
Y O U R H A N D S .
I S T H I S A S H O W
O F S O L I D A R I T Y
W I T H K I D S I N
3 R D W O R L D
L A N D S ?
D O Y O U W A N T
T O B R I N G B A C K
T H E P L A G U E A N D
C O M M U N I C A B L E
D I S E A S E S ?
T H E N C L E A N
Y O U R S E L F N O W ,
D O N ' T W A I T T O
H E L L F R E E Z E S .
I L O V E Y O U , I
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L O V E Y O U , I D O
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S O H O W A B O U T
Y O U B R U S H
Y O U R F * % K I N G
T E E T H B E F O R E
S L E E P I N G ?
A T L E A S T T H E
O N E S Y O U
I N T E N D O N
K E E P I N G ?
S T O P !
B E F O R E Y O U
C U T O F F T H E I R
F E E T , T R Y T H I S .
1 5 M I N U T E F O O T S O A K
A D D 1 / 3 C U P O F A P P L E C I D E R
V I N E G A R T O A B U C K E T O F
C O O L W A T E R . T H E A C I D I N
T H E V I N E G A R W I L L
N E U T R A L I Z E T H E O D O R A N D
H E L P K I L L B A C T E R I A .

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  • 2. M Y B E A U T I F U L K I D I S G R O W I N G U P . S O I A S K Y O U M Y C H I L D , W H A T T H E A C T U A L F * % K ? ! B R U S H Y O U R F U C K I N G T E E T H
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