Software Development Methodologiesof <br />Dumb Managers<br />Compiled  by<br />NalakaGamage<br />Missing lessons from tex...
Missing lessons from text book<br /><ul><li> Theory in text books is mostly happy scenarios
 Reality is often far from  theory
 Not all are professional
 Not all are smart
 Not all are honest
Its time to be knowledgeable and eliminate those incompetent and crooks out of industry</li></li></ul><li>The strategy<br ...
The Dumb & Crook Methodologies in Practice<br />
<ul><li>Development by Crisis (DBC)
Everything is a Crisis.
 Every task, you have to “Drop everything” and work all night long!
 Everything is a disaster.</li></ul>Dumb methodologies<br />
<ul><li>Not Allowed To Do Development (NADD)
 Managers can be heroes in the meetings and not in development, so they like to keep on talking in meetings eating up valu...
Then they will expect developers to stay late to do coding!</li></ul>Dumb methodologies<br />
<ul><li>Budget Driven Development (BDD)
The time that a project will take is dictated by how much the client will pay, instead of how long it will take to develop...
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Software development methodologies of dumb and cunning

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Software development methodologies of dumb and cunning

  1. 1. Software Development Methodologiesof <br />Dumb Managers<br />Compiled by<br />NalakaGamage<br />Missing lessons from text books<br />www.nalakainfo.com<br />
  2. 2. Missing lessons from text book<br /><ul><li> Theory in text books is mostly happy scenarios
  3. 3. Reality is often far from theory
  4. 4. Not all are professional
  5. 5. Not all are smart
  6. 6. Not all are honest
  7. 7. Its time to be knowledgeable and eliminate those incompetent and crooks out of industry</li></li></ul><li>The strategy<br />1<br />3<br />2<br />Identify It<br />Eliminate it<br />Name it<br />“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity,<br /> and I'm not sure about the former.”<br />- Albert Einstein<br />
  8. 8. The Dumb & Crook Methodologies in Practice<br />
  9. 9. <ul><li>Development by Crisis (DBC)
  10. 10. Everything is a Crisis.
  11. 11. Every task, you have to “Drop everything” and work all night long!
  12. 12. Everything is a disaster.</li></ul>Dumb methodologies<br />
  13. 13. <ul><li>Not Allowed To Do Development (NADD)
  14. 14. Managers can be heroes in the meetings and not in development, so they like to keep on talking in meetings eating up valuable time of developers.
  15. 15. Then they will expect developers to stay late to do coding!</li></ul>Dumb methodologies<br />
  16. 16. <ul><li>Budget Driven Development (BDD)
  17. 17. The time that a project will take is dictated by how much the client will pay, instead of how long it will take to develop the application.
  18. 18. Generally leading to massively over-budget projects and exhausted developers.</li></ul>Dumb methodologies<br />
  19. 19. <ul><li>Axxhole Driven Development (ADD)
  20. 20. All wisdom, logic or process goes out the window when Mr. Axxhole is in the room, doing whatever idiotic, selfish thing he thinks is best.
  21. 21. There may be rules and processes, but Mr. Axxholebreaks them and people follow anyway.
  22. 22. In worst case Mr. Axxhole might be a completely non technical person who has positional power (i.e. Boss). </li></ul>Dumb methodologies<br />
  23. 23. <ul><li>Client Wants It Anyway (CWI)
  24. 24. No matter how inane or unusable, just because the marketing teams wants it then it has to be in there.
  25. 25. Usually an over-budget, non-specified that will never be paid for.</li></ul>Dumb methodologies<br />
  26. 26. <ul><li>Completely Redundant Application Process (CRAP)
  27. 27. You create the same application someone in your company, division, department, or cubicle has already created.
  28. 28. But you either (A) want to write your own, or (B) had no idea someone else had done it.</li></ul>Dumb methodologies<br />
  29. 29. <ul><li>Just One More Feature Outside Schedule (JOMFOS)
  30. 30. Regardless how tight the schedule, or how late the project – JOMFOS product managers can always find something strategic and groundbreaking that not only breaks the current design, but also has to be squeezed in before the unmoving release date.</li></ul>Dumb methodologies<br />
  31. 31. <ul><li>Document Driven Development (DDD)
  32. 32. Copious amounts of inaccurate, verbose and unnecessary documentation are prepared and maintained as if they somehow embody everything that needs to be done in the software.</li></ul>Dumb methodologies<br />
  33. 33. <ul><li>Next Shiny Thing Development (NSTD)
  34. 34. When your development focus changes every time your boss comes back from a tech conference.</li></ul>Dumb methodologies<br />
  35. 35. <ul><li>Everything is High Priority (EHP)
  36. 36. Management comes and tell you that something is required ASAP and next day something else is required ASAP – in the end nothing gets done!</li></ul>Dumb methodologies<br />
  37. 37. <ul><li>IWIWSE mode (I Wish I Was Somewhere Else)
  38. 38. When two or more of the previous methodologies are in effect the guys that really have a clue often get intoIWIWSE mode (I Wish I Was Somewhere Else) which produces some of the most unmotivated code in existence</li></ul>The Result is……………..<br />
  39. 39. Its time to kick these unprofessional / incompetent project management practices out of software industry <br />Let’s eliminate it !<br />IT industry is for smart people doing smart things in smart ways.. <br />Let’s not dumb, crook and vicious people spoil the industry !!<br />
  40. 40. Compiled by<br />NalakaGamage<br />Software Development Methodologiesof <br />Dumb Managers<br />www.nalakainfo.com<br />

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