This describes the ten traits culled by the Survey of Marital Generosity on what will make a marriage very happy and very strong (divorce and separation-proof). Promotion of marriage is vital because it prevents negative outcomes common in single-parent families (both parent and children)
2. OBJECTIVE
• To show the benefit of marriage and
upholding its longevity towards a means of life
prolongation and increased over-all
satisfaction
3. CASE 1
• 39 WF
• Asked for emancipation from parents at 11 around
the time of their divorce
• Lived with grandmother
• Started on prescription drugs in teens and
marijuana in her 20s and heroin in her 30s
• Mother has two teenaged children from second
marriage who is antipathic to older half-sister
• Found with heroin paraphernalia in grandmother’s
house
4. CASE 2
• 31WM
• Came upon his grandmother after she attempted suicide
• A child of divorce, he started on alcohol and weed in
teens, prescription drugs in twenties, then heroin in
thirties
• Graduated with a business degree and had financial job
but became homeless and unable to maintain a job.
• Other comorbidities: anxiety and bipolar disorder on
meds and psychotherapy
• Found dead with drugs in a rooming house bathroom
5. CASE 3
• 50WF
• Divorcee, with continuous smoking habit
despite COPD diagnosis
• Was smoking in bed which caught on fire
• 60% BSA second and third degree burns and
smoke inhalation
• Survived three weeks but died
6. CASE 4
• 30WF
• Parents divorced in teens
• There was no parent figure; she lived alone
despite diagnosis of schizophrenia
• She had fixations of people bursting into flames
and police was called because of her paranoia.
• She was later found burning with her clothes on
after it was discovered she set herself on fire.
Survival was a few weeks after surgery for burns
were attempted.
7. COMMONALITY in HISTORY
• They are all connected to
divorce/ conflict in the
family of origin.
• Recently published:
Primal Loss: The Now-Adult
Children of Divorce Speak,
by Leila Miller
8. SAMPLE OF MARRIAGE vs DIVORCE OUTCOMES
• The researchers conclude that “parental divorce was
associated with M[oderate]P[eer]R[ejection]” among the
boys and girls in their study (p < 0.01), with further parsing
of the data establishing that moderate peer rejection
predicts having deviant friends (p < 0.05).
• Idean Ettekal and Gary W. Ladd, “Developmental Pathways
from Childhood Aggression-Disruptiveness, Chronic Peer
Rejection and Deviant Friendships to Early-Adolescent Rule-
Breaking,” Child Development 86.2 [2015]
• The married enjoy some protection from dementia because
“marriage may serve as a buffer against the negative
consequences of adverse life events,” while those who lose
a spouse through divorce or death lose that buffer as the
consequence of “a severely stressful event.” Anna
Sundström, Olle Westerlund, and Elena Kotyrlo, “Marital
Status and Risk of Dementia: A Nationwide Population-
Based Prospective Study from Sweden,” BMJ Open 6.1
[2016]: e008565. Web.
9. HEALTH OUTCOME in SINGLE PARENT CHILDREN—
MUSCULOSKELETAL LEVEL
• Bones of adults who had grown up in a single-
parent household were significantly weaker (p< 0.05)
• Researchers consider as cause the trauma of losing a
parent (father) through death or divorce
• “maladaptive health behaviors such as smoking and
underage or heavy alcohol intake,” decreased physical
activity”, poverty, more emotional and environmental
stressors than children from two-parent families” leads
to higher cortisol levels
• 20-40% relative increase in 10-year hip fracture risk in
the pre- and post-menopause. Carolyn J. Crandall et al., “Adult Bone
Strength of Children from Single-Parent Families: The Midlife in the U.S. Study,” Osteoporosis
International 26.3 [2015]: 931-42.
10. BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE
Children and adults are more likely to flourish
when the emotional climate of their family life is
positive.
Following sources: Why Marriage Matters: Twenty-Six
Conclusions from the Social Sciences (Institute for American
Values); Healthy Marriages, Healthy Lives: Research on the
Alignment of Health, Marital Outcomes and Marriage
Education (California Healthy Marriages Coalition);
Testimony of Dr. Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, National
Marriage Project http://www.foryourmarriage.org/what-
are-the-social-benefits-of-marriage/
11. 1. Marriage and Health
• On average, husbands and wives are healthier,
happier and enjoy longer lives than those who are not
married.
• Men appear to reap the most physical health
benefits from marriage and suffer the greatest health
consequences if they divorce.
• Married mothers have lower rates of depression
than single or cohabiting mothers, probably because
they are more likely to receive practical and
emotional support from their child’s father and his
family.
12. 2. Marriage and Wealth
• Married couples build more wealth on average
than singles or cohabiting couples.
• Married men earn more money than do single
men with similar education and job histories.
• Married women are economically better off
than divorced, cohabiting or never-married
women.
13. 3. Marriage and Children
• Children raised by their own married mother and
father are:
• Less likely to be poor or to experience persistent
economic insecurity
• More likely to stay in school, have fewer behavioral and
attendance problems, and earn four-year college degrees
• Less vulnerable to serious emotional illness, depression
and suicide
• More likely to have positive attitudes towards marriage
and greater success in forming lasting marriages
14. 4. Marriage and Crime/Domestic Violence
• Married women are at lower risk for domestic
violence than women in cohabiting or dating
relationships.
• Boys raised in single-parent homes are more likely
to engage in criminal and delinquent behavior than
those raised by two married biological parents.
• Married women are significantly less likely to be
the victims of violent crime than single or divorced
women. Married men are less likely to perpetrate
violent crimes than unmarried men.
15. 5. Marriage and Society
• The institution of marriage reliably creates the
social, economic and affective conditions for
effective parenting.
• Being married changes people’s lifestyles and
habits in ways that are personally and socially
beneficial. Marriage is a “seedbed” of prosocial
behavior.
• Marriage generates social capital. The social
bonds created through marriage yield benefits not
only for the family but for others as well, including
the larger society.
16. DO KIDS MAKE FOR A HAPPY
MARRIAGE?
DO MARRIAGE MAKE FOR A HAPPY
LIFE?
WHAT MAKES FOR A HAPPY
MARRIAGE?
WHAT MAKES FOR A STABLE
MARRIAGE?
1,630 married couples
From Survey of Marital Generosity
stateofourunions.org/2011/e-ppendix.php.
17. DEPRESSION IS LINKED WITH…
• “Thus, when it comes to parents of
childbearing age, Figures 1 and 2 indicate that
married parents typically have higher levels of
emotional well-being than do single parents,
and that cohabiting parents do almost as well
as married parents. What is most striking
about these two figures is that parenthood
per se is not associated with lower global
happiness or heightened levels of depression,
so long as parents are partnered.”
http://www.stateofourunions.org/2011/SOOU2011.php
18. COHABITATION vs MARRIAGE
• 65 percent of parents who had a child while
cohabiting will break up by the time their child
turns 12,
• VS 24 percent of parents who had a child
while married.
Sheela Kennedy and Larry Bumpass,
“Cohabitation and Trends in the Structure and
Stability of Children’s Family Lives” (paper
presented at the Annual Meeting of the
Population Association of America,
Washington, DC, April 1, 2011).
19. PREDICTED PROBABILITIES OF MARITAL QUALITY OUTCOMES AMONG
MARRIED WOMEN AGED 18–46, BY THE PRESENCE OF CHILDREN
Note: Model adjusts for age,
education, income, and race/ethnicity.
Without adjustments, 37 percent of
married mothers are “very happy,”
compared to 49 percent of their
childless peers.
Source: Survey of Marital Generosity,
2010–2011.
20. PREDICTED PROBABILITY OF BEING “VERY HAPPY” IN MARRIAGE, BY NUMBER
OF CHILDREN AT HOME
Source:
Survey of
Marital
Generosit
y, 2010–
2011
21. PREDICTED PROBABILITY OF “STRONGLY AGREEING” THAT THEIR LIFE HAS AN
IMPORTANT PURPOSE, BY NUMBER OF CHILDREN AT HOME
22. IMPLICATIONS
• This research suggests that parents experience a
significant decline in happiness after the arrival of their
first child, whereas nonparents experience a more
gradual decline in marital quality. By the time both
groups have been married for an average of eight
years, their marital quality is not that different.
• Parents of large families—especially mothers—are
more likely to strongly agree that “my life has an
important purpose,” compared to their married peers
with smaller families or no children.
23. 10 sets of social, cultural, and relational
factors that are associated with higher
quality and more stable marriages among
married parents (18–46) in America
1. EDUCATION--college-educated parents are
less likely to rate their future chances of
separation or divorce as high
• But education does not predict marital
happiness among married parents. Education
is most consistently associated with marital
stability, rather than marital bliss, among
young married parents today.
24. 2. MONEY
• Above-average
levels of financial
stress –higher
separation or
divorce
• Also less likely to
describe
themselves as
“very happy” in
their marriages.
25. 3. Work and Family
• Both mothers and fathers are less divorce prone
and happier when they report that housework
(e.g., cleaning, cooking, taking out the garbage)
and childcare are “shared equally.”
• Mothers who meet their employment ideals—in
terms of work hours or who work less than they
would like to are less prone to divorce
• But overemployed wives are more prone to
divorce
26. PREDICTED LEVEL OF DIVORCE PRONENESS, 18–46-YEAR-OLD MARRIED
MOTHERS, BY MATCH BETWEEN DESIRED AND ACTUAL WORK HOURS
28. 4. FRIENDS AND FAMILY
• Husbands and wives who report that they
“always” get support from family and friends
are significantly more likely to report that they
are “very happy” in their marriages, and that
they are not prone to separation or divorce.
• These results suggest that married couples
with children should seek out friends who
take them and their marriage seriously.
30. 5. “God Center of Marriage”
• Couples who both agree that “God is at the
center of our marriage” are at least 26
percentage points more likely to report that
they are “very happy” and at least 6
percentage points less likely to report that
they are prone to separation or divorce.
• In our analysis, this measure of marital
spirituality emerges as the most powerful
religious predictor of marital success.
31. PREDICTED PROBABILITY OF WIVES BEING “VERY HAPPY” IN MARRIAGE, BY
NUMBER OF CHILDREN AT HOME AND RELIGIOUS SERVICE ATTENDANCE
Note: Model adjusts for
age, education, income, and
race/ethnicity. Source:
Survey of Marital
Generosity, 2010–2011.
32. MARITAL SATISFACTION AND DIVORCE PRONENESS, 18–46-YEAR-OLD
MARRIED MOTHERS AND FATHERS, BY GOD CENTER OF MARRIAGE
33. 6. FAMILISTIC BELIEFS
• Spouses who take a more familistic, or family-
centered, view of family life are more
emotionally invested in one another and enjoy
higher quality marriages
• Spouses who oppose divorce for couples in
unhappy marriages and spouses who believe
that “raising children is one of life’s greatest
joys” report lower rates of divorce proneness
than their peers who hold less familistic views.
marriages.
34. MARITAL SATISFACTION, 18–46-YEAR-OLD MARRIED MOTHERS AND FATHERS,
BY POSITIVE FEELINGS ABOUT RAISING CHILDREN
• Parents who value raising children are also
happier in their marriages.
35. 7. SEXUAL SATISFACTION
• Sexual satisfaction is more likely to emerge for women and
men in marriages marked by high levels of generosity,
commitment, religious faith, and couple-centered quality
time.
• Moreover, women are more likely to report that they are
sexually satisfied when they report that they share
housework with their husbands. What happens outside of
the bedroom seems to matter a great deal in predicting
how happy husbands and wives are with what happens in
the bedroom.
• Sex is associated with the release of “feel good”
chemicals--prolactin, oxytocin, and serotonin, which foster
bonding and improve mood among men and women.
37. 8. GENEROSITY
• Generosity is defined here as “the virtue of
giving good things to [one’s spouse] freely and
abundantly,” and encompasses small acts of
service (e.g., making coffee for one’s spouse in
the morning), displays of affection and
respect, and a willingness to “forgive him/her
for mistakes and failings.”
39. • Generosity to one’s spouse is one of the top
five predictors of marital happiness for both
husbands and wives, and one of the top five
protectors against divorce proneness for men
41. COMMITMENT SEALS IT
• Above-average commitment more than triples
the odds of marital happiness for husbands
and wives and reduces their divorce
proneness six-fold.
• Young married parents who embrace the “we”
ethic over the “me” ethic are especially likely
to enjoy happy married lives.
42. 10. QUALITY TIME
MARITAL SATISFACTION, 18–46-YEAR-OLD
MARRIED MOTHERS AND FATHERS, BY QUALITY
TIME
43. MARITAL SATISFACTION, 18–46-YEAR-OLD MARRIED MOTHERS AND FATHERS,
BY TIME WITH CHILDREN
Wives and especially husbands who devote more time to
their children also enjoy higher levels of marital happiness
44. CORRELATION—BETWEEN SPIRITUALITY,
COMMITMENT, GENEROSITY, HAPPINESS
• that marital spirituality is a powerful predictor of
marital success is that couples who believe that God is
at the center of their marriage are also more likely to
report high levels of commitment and a pattern of
generous behavior toward one another, which we will
say more about below. In other words, marital
spirituality is linked to beliefs and behaviors that
strengthen the marriage bond.
• In this report, marital spirituality is one of the top five
predictors of marital stability for husbands and wives;
it is also a top predictor of husbands’ marital
happiness. In addition, shared religious attendance is a
top predictor of marital stability for husbands.
45. RELIGION AND MARITAL BLISS
• Given the religious meaning, social support, and
normative importance attached to marriage by
men in many religious communities, it seems
likely that part of what is happening is that
religious mothers of large families benefit from
having particularly attentive husbands.
• The Survey of Marital Generosity indicates that
their husbands are more likely to engage in
regular acts of generosity—such as making coffee
in the morning for their wives or frequently
expressing affection—and to spend more quality
time with their spouses compared to other
husbands.
46. Husbands
“Very Happy” in Marriage:
• 1.Above-average sexual satisfaction
• 2.Above-average commitment
• 3.Above-average generosity to wife
• 4.Above-average attitude toward raising children
• 5.Both spouses have above-average marital spirituality
Not Prone to Separation or Divorce:
• 1.Above-average commitment
• 2.Above-average sexual satisfaction
• 3.Both spouses have above-average marital spirituality
• 4.Both spouses attend religious services weekly or
more often
• 5.Above-average generosity to wife
47. WIVES
“Very Happy” in Marriage:
• 1.Above-average sexual satisfaction
• 2.Above-average commitment
• 3.Above-average generosity to husband
• 4.Above-average attitude toward raising children
• 5.Above-average social support
Not Prone to Separation or Divorce:
• 1.Above-average commitment
• 2.Above-average sexual satisfaction
• 3.Both spouses have above-average marital spirituality
• e.g., report God is at the center of their marriage)
• 4.Above-average social support
48. WIVES
“Very Happy” in Marriage:
1.Above-average sexual satisfaction
2.Above-average commitment
3.Above-average generosity to husband
4.Above-average attitude toward
raising children
5.Above-average social support
Not Prone to Separation or Divorce:
1.Above-average commitment
2.Above-average sexual satisfaction
3.Both spouses have above-average
marital spirituality e.g., report God is at
the center of their marriage)
4.Above-average social support
5.Wife has above-average marital
• HUSBANDS
• Very Happy” in Marriage:
• 1.Above-average sexual satisfaction
• 2.Above-average commitment
• 3.Above-average generosity to wife
• 4.Above-average attitude toward
raising children
• 5.Both spouses have above-average
marital spirituality
• Not Prone to Separation or Divorce:
• 1.Above-average commitment
• 2.Above-average sexual satisfaction
• 3.Both spouses have above-average
marital spirituality
• 4.Both spouses attend religious
services weekly or more often
• 5.Above-average generosity to wife
49. Husbands and Wives
“Very Happy” in Marriage (Happy marriages)
1. Above-average sexual satisfaction
2.Above-average commitment
3.Above-average generosity to spouse
4.Above-average attitude toward raising children
Not Prone to Separation or Divorce (Strong
marriages):
1. Above-average sexual satisfaction
2. Above-average commitment
3. Both spouses have above-average marital
spirituality
50. IMPLICATIONS/ SUMMARY REMINDER
FOR BOTH SPOUSES
• Happy marriages comes from loving attitude to spouse and
children
• Strong marriages comes from strong spirituality (God at the
center)
• LOVE OF OTHERS AND GOD
• Happy and strong marriages come from above-average
sexual satisfaction and above-average commitment
• THE MARRIAGE BOND IS MEANT TO BE LIVED PERMANENT,
IN FULL INTIMACY AND MONOGAMOUS
Editor's Notes
Evidently, the sense of support, solidarity, and meaning afforded by a co-parenting relationship more than makes up for any challenges associated with parenthood when it comes to global happiness and depression. By contrast, parenting undertaken as a solo enterprise is markedly more difficult than parenting done as a partnership, even after controlling for socioeconomic differences between family types.
indicate that parenthood is not associated with high levels of marital conflict or divorce proneness.[18] In fact, for the majority of mothers and fathers, parenthood is not associated with these two negative outcomes.
Take religious attendance. Figure A2 shows that the parents of large families are about twice as likely to attend church, synagogue, or mosque on a weekly basis or more often. It is certainly possible that having a large family can bring some people to their knees! But it is also likely that highly religious men and women feel called by God or encouraged by their religious networks of friends and family members to have large families.[2]
FIGURE A2. PREDICTED PROBABILITY OF FREQUENTLY ATTENDING RELIGIOUS WORSHIP SERVICE, BY NUMBER OF CHILDREN AT HOME
Figure A2
Note: Model adjusts for age, education, income, and race/ethnicity.
Source: Survey of Marital Generosity, 2010–2011.
Or take meaning. Figure A3 shows that the parents of large families—especially mothers—are more likely to strongly agree that “my life has an important purpose,” compared to their married peers with smaller families or no children. Meaning undoubtedly flows from the additional texture that each child adds to both parents’ lives, but it’s also likely that men and women who have a strong generative sense that their lives are endowed with meaning are also more willing and interested in having many children
Shared religious attendance is linked to an increase of more than 9 percentage points that a parent is very happy in marriage, and to a decrease of more than 9 percentage points that a parent is prone to separation or divorce
sexually satisfied wives enjoy a 39-percentage-point premium in the odds of being very happy in their marriages, and that sexually satisfied husbands enjoy a 38-percentage-point premium in marital happiness.
Husbands and wives who score high on the generosity scale—both in terms of giving and receiving in a spirit of generosity—are significantly more likely to report that they are “very happy” in their marriages and less prone to divorce.
These findings parallel studies that find that positive attitudes toward sacrificing for one’s partner are associated with marital satisfaction and positive marital dynamics
Spouses who score above average in terms of commitment are at least 45 percentage points more likely to report being “very happy” in their marriages, and 29 percentage points less likely to be prone to divorce. In other words,
husbands and wives who spend quality time with their spouses once a week or more are about 50 percent more likely to be “very happy” in their marriages. The figure also suggests that the link between couple time and relationship quality is particularly salient for wives
Fathers and mothers who spend lots of time with their children in activities such as playing, talking, or working on projects together also enjoy significantly higher levels of marital happiness and lower divorce proneness (and also enjoy more couple time with one another).
