from the Nilsens

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BLOOPERS AND
ACCIDENTAL HUMOR
by Don L. F. Nilsen
and Alleen Pace Nilsen

2. Coincidental Accidental Humor
Same Time—Same Place:
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YOGI BERRA
• Yogi Berra was the catcher for the New York
Yankees baseball team. He said:
• “I want to win 100 or 105 games this year—
whichever comes first.”
• “It’s déjà vu all over again.”
• “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.”
• Yogi Berra was the inspiration for the cartoon
character on television named “Yogi Bear.”

5. Oooooooops!
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ARCHIE BUNKER
• In All in the Family, Archie Bunker’s mistakes
showed that he was a xenophobic biggot:
• Milton Berlin, Morgan David wine, Blackberry
Finn, pushy imported ricans, and a regular
Marco Polish showed he was racist.
• Englebum Humperdunk and welfare
incipients showed he was uneducated.
• The immaculate connection, Dunn and
Broadstreet, and groinocologist showed he
was sexist.

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CHILDREN’S BLOOPERS
• Children are often faced with language
that they are unfamiliar with.
• That’s why children may change
“chess” into “chest.”
• Or they may change the church hymn
“Gladly the Cross I’d Bear” into
“Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear.”

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• From Richard Lederer’s
Anguished English:
• “Queen Elizabeth was the ‘Virgin
Queen….’ When Elizabeth
exposed herself before her troops,
they all shouted “hurrah.” Then
her navy went out and defeated
the Spanish Armadillo.”

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• Also From Richard Lederer’s
Anguished English:
• “It was an age of great inventions
and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
the Bible. Another important
invention was the circulation of
blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a
historical figure because he invented
cigarettes and started smoking. And
Sir Frances Drake circumsised the
world with a 100-foot clipper.”

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CHILDREN’S EXCUSES FOR
ABSENCE
• Mary could not come to school because she
has been bothered by very close veins.
• Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his
father’s fault.
• Teacher, please excuse Mary for being
absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

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SIGMUND FREUD
• Sigmund Freud said that slips of the tongue
often are evidence of people’s subconscious
desires, as when the President of the Lower
House of Parliament opened a meeting by
saying:
• “Gentlemen, I take notice that a full quorum
of members is present and herewith declare
the meeting closed.”

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SAMUEL GOLDWIN
• Samuel Goldwin of Metro Goldwin Meyer said:
• A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
• Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is named William.
• For your information, I would like to ask a question.
• Now, gentlemen, listen slowly.

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INTERNATIONAL ENGLISH
• Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
• “Ladies are requested not to have
children in the bar.”
• Sign in an Acapulco hotel:
• “The manager has personally
passed all the water served here.”

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• Sign in a Japanese hotel:
• “Cold and Heat. If you want to
condition the warm in your
room, please control yourself.”
• Sign in a Hong Kong tailor shop:
• “Ladies may have a fit
upstairs.”

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NEWSPAPER STORIES
• The United Press International reported
a story from Sheridan, California:
• “A farm goose flying along suddently
exploded in mid-air. The sheriff’s
deputy explained that the goose must
have swallowed a blasting cap, which
was somehow set off.”

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• An unoccupied car, parked near the
Horseshoe Falls, turned its lights on.
• then the lenses shattered,
• the horn began to blow,
• the engine started,
• the car burst into flames, and
• the windshield exploded.
• Firemen blamed the car’s activity on
a short circuit.

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• The Salt Lake Tribune:
• “The Salt Lake City Track Club’s
All-Women’s 10,000-meter race is
scheduled Saturday at 8 a.m. at
Sugarhouse Park. The entry fee is
$4 with shirt or $1 without.”

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NEWSPAPER HEADLINES
• Dr. Ruth Talks about Sex with Newspaper
Editors
• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
• Defendant’s Speech Ends in Long Sentence
• Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She
Hasn’t Seen in Years

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PUBLIC SIGNS
• Sign on a ski slope in Northern Arizona:
• “Out of control skiers yield right-of-way.”
• Sign on a West Coast bridge during World War II:
• “In case of bombing attack, drive directly off the
bridge.”

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WILLIAM A. SPOONER
• British clergyman William A. Spooner was a
professor at Oxford University who is
reported to have said:
• “Three cheers for our queer old dean”
(referring to Queen Victoria)
• “Is it kistomary to cuss the bride?”
• “Stop hissing all my mystery lectures.”

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CASEY STENGEL
• Casey Stengel, the manager of the New
York Yankees baseball team, said:
• “I guess I’ll have to start from scraps.”
• “Everybody line up alphabetically
according to your height.”

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TELEVISION BLOOPERS
• On The World’s Funniest Videos you will find
such things as:
• a baseball player who loses his pants when
he catches a fly ball,
• a bridegroom in a wedding ceremony who
sprays his mouth before kissing the bride
• a child who searches for Easter Eggs in the
baskets of other children

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Accidental Humor Web Site:
KETCHUP CAR CRASH:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQQD9bPrUPU

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Nuns at a Fruit Bar