FOP384 - "Lame Ducks"

2. FOP255sc219wlmartULnight / fop250sc145extdimmsdale EXT - DIMMSDALE, NIGHT

3. FOP255sc219wlmartULnight / fop250sc145extdimmsdale

4. FOP255sc219wlmartULnight / fop250sc145extdimmsdale

5. FOP255sc219wlmartULnight / fop250sc145extdimmsdale EXT- DIMMSDALE MEGAPLEX 32, NIGHT.

6. FOP255sc219wlmartULnight / fop250sc145extdimmsdale text

9. INT - TURNER CAR TIMMY Boy, that detective movie was awesome! FOP362sc161_CityStreet_TurnerCarInterior

10. MOM Oh yes, I love Sherlock Homely movies. -- FOP362sc161_CityStreet_TurnerCarInterior

11. -- He’s so homely --

12. -- he has to be smart.

13. TIMMY I still can’t believe the butler did it.

14. DAD What butler? --

15. -- The movie was about a giant green lizard that destroyed Pough-keepsie.

16. MOM You wandered into the wrong theatre again, dear.

17. COSMO I wandered into the wrong theatre, too. --

18. -- There was hot oil and popping sounds.

19. WANDA You wandered into the popcorn machine, Cosmo.

20. COSMO Ooh, that explains the imitation butter ýavoring in my pants. --

21. -- I call it butt butter.

22. TIMMY Hey --

23. -- what happened to our house?

24. EXT - TURNER FRONT DOOR, NIGHT. The nameplate swings back & forth.

25. The whole house is gone! text

26. text

27. The nameplate falls to the ground. text

28. text

29. (DAD GASPS)

30. DAD We've been robbed! --

32. -- They took everything! --

33. -- Our furniture, TV... --

34. -- even the walls!

35. MOM If we had a butler --

36. -- I’d blame him.

37. Sparky walks in wearing a back brace. TIMMY Sparky, why didn’t you stop the burglar?

38. SPARKY I didn't see a burglar. --

39. -- I was too busy helping the mover with the ski mask load all of your stuff --

40. -- into his unmarked van.

41. TIMMY That was the burglar!

43. SPARKY Ohhhhhhhhh!

44. Sorry, Timmy. --

45. -- I thought we were moving somewhere better than this dump. --

46. -- This place doesn’t even have walls!

47. text

48. FOP289sc77fEatenChurro CHET UBETCHA This is Chet Ubetcha --

49. FOP289sc77fEatenChurro -- reporting --

50. -- that a burglar --

51. -- has been robbing houses all over Dimmsdale, --

52. -- taking everything --

53. -- including my microphone, --

54. -- which is why I’m talking into this churro. --

55. -- This just in: --

56. -- it’s a Mexican donut.

57. Chet walks out. text

58. Chet walks out. text

59. (SFX: TRUCK HONK, OS)

60. FOP355sc164_Int_TurnerLivingRoom_TVCouch_OL / FOP346sc008tvScreen / 182sc135garagestuff Dinkleberg drives in. DINKELBERG Hey, Turners, --

61. -- I saw you were robbed, --

62. -- so I took the liberty of replacing all your worldly possessions. --

63. -- I also brought you --

64. -- this sack of cold hard cash.

65. DAD Cold and hard --

66. -- like --

67. -- your heart! --

68. -- Get off my lawn, --

69. -- you demon with a human face!

70. DINKLEBERG WIPE

71. DINKLEBERG WIPE

72. DINKLEBERG WIPE

73. EXT - TURNER HOUSEHOLD, DAY.

76. Dinkleberg replaces dish.

77. INT - TIMMY’S ROOM text

78. TIMMY I’m glad the house is back to normal.

79. -- And it’s a good thing --

80. -- Mr. Dinkelberg got exact replicas of all my old stuff. --

81. -- We can --

82. -- forget the burglary ever happened.

83. DAD Oooooooohohoh Timmy, --

84. -- We can --

85. -- never forget this burglary ever happened!

86. -- To catch the burglar --

87. -- I’m starting a neighborhood watch.

89. DAD Darn it! --

90. -- He took my watch! --

91. -- This guy is more cunning than I thought.

92. TIMMY Dad, you don’t wear a watch.

93. DAD Good detective work, son. --

94. -- I could use you on my team.

95. TIMMY Dad, you’re not a detective.

96. DAD I might as well be. --

97. -- I've seen every Sherlock Homely movie ever made. --

98. -- Well, except the one we just came back from. --

99. -- Anyway, --

100. -- I’m calling a neighborhood watch meeting in our living room!

101. fop252sc064classroomclock (SFX: CLOCK TICKING SLOWLY)

102. fop252sc064classroomclock text

103. fop252sc064classroomclock text

104. INT - TURNER LIVING ROOM TIMMY Uh, Dad, --

105. -- I don’t think anyone else wants to join your neighborhood watch.

106. FOP293Sc058Tumbleweed A tumbleweed rolls through.

107. FOP293Sc058Tumbleweed

108. FOP293Sc058Tumbleweed

109. DAD That’s because the burglar --

110. -- stole their sense of justice!

111. CROCKER Hello, --

112. -- I’m here --

113. -- to join your neighborhood watch program.

114. TIMMY Were you robbed too, Mr. Crocker?

115. CROCKER No, --

116. -- I’m here cuz I wanna chew the burglar out --

117. -- for not taking Mother. --

118. -- I left her on the porch with a note that said --

119. --'Please steal me' --

120. -- but no dice. --

121. --He did however --

122. -- take my dice.

123. DAD Well, --

124. -- now that we’re all here, --

125. -- I’m gonna pull out --

126. FOP348Sc174suitcasewithdollarsign -- my --

127. FOP348Sc174suitcasewithdollarsign -- ofåcial detective case. --

128. FOP348Sc174suitcasewithdollarsign -- Let’s see...

129. text

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138. 181sc092sherlockwpipe text

139. text

140. As detectives, --

141. -- we’ll need a name that will strike fear --

142. -- into every criminal out there. --

143. -- We’ll call ourselves --

144. -- the --

145. -- Dimmsdale Undercover Crime Killer Squad.

146. TIMMY So we’re... --

147. -- the Ducks?

148. DAD Of course we are. --

149. -- Nothing puts more fear into the heart of thieves --

150. -- than duck hats. --

151. -- I stole them from Dinkelberg, so technically --

152. -- I'm our årst suspect.

153. DAD From now on, you will call me by my code name: --

155. -- Major Mallard.

157. DAD Your code name --

158. -- is --

159. -- Lucy Goosey.

160. TIMMY Oh come on!

161. text

162. DAD And your code name --

163. -- is --

164. -- Mr. Quackers.

165. CROCKER Could I be named The Falcon? --

166. -- It’s a cool name --

167. -- and it might get me a date.

168. DAD Falcons have nothing to do with crime. --

169. -- Everyone knows ducks are nature’s crime-åghters. --

170. -- They ýy South for the Winter --

171. -- To bust perps! --

172. DAD Now to catch a burglar in the act, --

173. -- we’ll have to set up a stakeout.

174. EXT - STAKEOUT STEAKHOUSE, NIGHT. text

175. DAD I love steak outs! --

176. -- Especially with creamed corn. --

177. 170sc077steakonplate

178. 170sc077steakonplate -- I love creamed corn, Timmy.

179. 170sc077steakonplate TIMMY I don't think a stakeout means going out for steak.

180. 170sc077steakonplate CROCKER I worked at a steakhouse once, --

181. -- just to steal the knives. --

182. -- That --

183. -- reminds --

184. -- me, --

185. -- I have to leave soon --

186. (CROCKER CUTS STEAK) -- to put mother out for the burglar with a note that says, --

187. -- 'Great for pulling your plow.' --

188. -- That woman’s got the cankles of a Clydesdale.

189. text

190. (SFX: OFFSCREEN DOOR CREEKING OPEN)

191. text

192. FOP289sc000Burglars text

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194. text

195. (ALL THREE CHEWING) text

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205. FOP297sc107CashRegister text

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216. DAD (mouth full) This steak out is delicious! --

217. -- Once we're done, --

218. -- we should really --

219. -- start looking for the burglar.

221. DAD Excuse me! --

222. FOP243sc135cow1 text

223. FOP243sc135cow1 text

224. text

225. DAD Waiter, could I get a doggy bag, please?

226. BURGLAR Sorry, --

227. -- not my table.

228. (BURGLAR LAUGHS EVILLY)

229. (BURGLAR LAUGHS EVILLY)

230. text

231. FOP243sc135cow1 (BURGLAR LAUGHING)

232. FOP243sc135cow1 TIMMY Dad, --

233. FOP243sc135cow1 TIMMY I think that was the burglar.

234. DAD What?! --

235. -- To the duck truck, Mr. Quackers! --

236. text

237. -- You too, Lucy Goosey.

238. TIMMY Oh come on!

242. text

243. text

244. text

245. DAD Floor it, Mr. Quackers.

246. CROCKER It’s the Falcon!

247. DAD No it’s not!

248. (CROCKER GRUMBLES)

249. FOP222sc004gasbrakepedal

250. FOP222sc004gasbrakepedal (SFX: ENGINE REVS)

251. (SFX: ENGINE REVVING, WHEELS PEELING OUT)

252. (DAD YELLING)

254. (DUCK VAN nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh)

255. DAD It’s the burglar! --

257. DAD blows his duck call. (SFX: DUCK CALL)

259. DUCKS swoop in.

260. -- Arrest him!

261. WHIP PAN

262. Incidental Character Pack - M162 text

263. TIMMY That’s just a guy taking out his trash.

270. DAD Trust me, Lucy Goosey. --

271. -- I have the mind of a defective.

272. TIMMY I think you mean detective.

273. (SFX DOOR SLAM)

274. (SFX: DUDE YELLING.... KLANG!)

278. CROCKER No, --

279. -- I think he had it right the årst time.

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283. text

284. Dad looks OS. text

285. DAD (SUGG) Gah! --

287. (SFX: DUCK CALL)

289. -- Look! --

290. WHIP PAN

291. -- Someone’s in old lady Schwimmer’s house.

292. TIMMY That’s Mrs. Schwimmer, Dad.

293. DAD Which is exactly what the burglar would want us to think.

294. 167sc061niceoldladywatercan INT - MRS. SCHWIMMER’S HOUSE. Mrs. Schwimmer is brushing her dentures.

295. 167sc061niceoldladywatercan (SFX: DOOR SLAMMING OPEN)

296. 167sc061niceoldladywatercan DAD You’re busted, burglar! --

297. -- We’re the DUCKS!

298. CROCKER I’m the Falcon! --

299. -- What are you doing later?

300. DAD Shut your beak, Mr. Quackers, --

301. -- and pat the suspect down for stolen loot --

302. -- while we go for more steak!

304. (SFX: OLD WOMAN SCREAMS)

305. (OLD WOMAN XENA BATTLECRY)

309. CROCKER GAH! --

310. (WOMAN’S BATTLECRY, CROCKER YELLING)

313. -- Why am I always stuck with an old lady?

314. -- I swear I attract them like a free bus to Reno.

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319. text

320. EXT - TURNER HOUSE, NIGHT text

321. FOP232sc086cosmoduck text

322. DAD & CROCKER are looking at a conspiracy theory board. text

323. DAD After much thorough --

324. -- and handsome investigating --

325. -- in this duck hat, --

326. -- I've concluded that the burglar is none other than... --

327. -- Dinkelberg.

328. TIMMY Mr. Dinkelberg's clean. --

329. -- Nothing we found leads to him.

330. DAD Oh really? --

331. -- Then how do you explain these stolen duck hats?

332. action text TIMMY You stole them from him, Dad.

333. action text

334. action text DAD It’s Major Mallard --

335. action text -- and stop twisting my words. --

336. DAD -- I will not be a victim of this witch hunt!

337. DAD -- I will not be a victim of this witch hunt!

341. TIMMY Guys, I’m worried about my Dad. --

342. -- All his crazy detective work is gonna get him into trouble.

343. WANDA I wouldn’t worry, Timmy. --

345. (SFX: DAD SCRIBBLING ON POSTER)

346. text

347. CROCKER So it is Dinkelberg! --

349. -- The Falcon --

350. -- is --

351. -- gonna go ask that lunatic why --

352. -- why he didn’t steal mother.

353. DOOR OPEN SUDDENLY. (SFX: ANGRY NOISE WALLA)

354. CHET pops in using an ice cream cone as a microphone. CHET UBETCHA This is Chet Ubetcha --

355. -- reporting --

356. -- that --

358. -- Timmy Turner’s Dad has harassed half the town, --

359. -- causing an angry mob --

360. -- to demand that the Turners leave Dimmsdale forever. -- FOP312sc118angryMOB

361. -- In related news, the angry mob would’ve brought pitchforks and torches --

362. -- but those were stolen, too.

363. text

364. text

365. text

366. text

367. CHET (SUGG) My ice cream!

370. CROCKER Whoa. --

371. -- I haven't seen a mob this angry --

372. -- since they ran out of powdered donuts at parent/teacher night. --

373. -- Well, I'm out of here. --

374. -- Time for the Falcon --

375. -- to take to the sky!

377. CROCKER Great, the burglar stole the duck truck. --

378. -- Get Turner!

380. (MASSIVE ANGRY DUCK QUACKING)

381. FOP262sc207OL3

382. FOP262sc207OL3 (DAD YELLING)

383. FOP262sc207OL3

384. FOP262sc207OL3

386. (ALL DUCKS PECKING AT DAD) DAD Oh no! --

387. -- Even the ducks have turned against me! --

389. -- No, I’m wrong. --

390. -- I just have creamed corn on my shoes.

391. ANGRY MOB GET TIMMY’S DAD! GET TIMMY’S DAD

392. DAD <SOBS> I’ve failed Timmy --

393. -- Every house in Dimmsdale was robbed --

394. -- and I couldn’t stop it.

395. DAD I’m not åt to wear --

396. -- this extremely ýattering duck hat. --

397. -- Let’s go pack our things --

398. -- so --

399. -- we can --

400. -- leave this town forever. --

401. -- We’ll pick up some steaks on the way out.

404. SPARKY I’m not hungry. --

405. -- I ate a duck. --

406. -- Anyway, --

407. -- let’s blow this joint.

408. TIMMY No, Sparky. --

409. -- I don't wanna move. --

410. -- I have to ånd a way to help Dad catch this burglar --

411. -- and save his reputation.

412. WANDA But how, sport? --

413. -- Every house in Dimmsdale has already been robbed.

414. TIMMY Then I wish Dimmsdale had one more house.

417. text

418. DAD Well, --

419. THE FAIRIES POOF AWAY. -- Timmy, --

420. -- looks like I’m being driven out of town by an angry mob. --

421. -- Story of my life.

422. TIMMY Dad, --

423. -- you cannot give up on the DUCKS. --

424. -- There’s still one house that hasn’t been robbed. --

425. -- You might be able to trap the burglar there!

426. DAD I've never noticed that house before. --

427. -- But I think we've realized --

428. -- that I don't really pay attention.

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436. EXT - THE NEW HOUSE ON THE BLOCK, NIGHT text

437. text

438. TIMMY This is the only house left for the burglar to rob, Dad. --

439. -- And when he shows up --

440. -- you’re gonna be here to stop him.

441. DAD You’re right. --

442. -- And when I do, --

443. -- I’ll prove to everyone --

444. -- that they were wrong about me. --

445. text

446. text

447. text

448. (SFX: DUCK CALL)

449. -- Let’s do this, Lucy Goosey!

450. TIMMY You got it, Major Mallard!

451. DAD It’s Dad. --

453. -- Oh, right.

454. EXT - NEW HOUSE FRONT DOOR, NIGHT

455. text

456. (SFX: DOOR KNOCK)

457. text

458. text

459. text

460. text

461. text

462. COSMO Hello, neighbors. --

463. -- We’re the super rich Fairymans. --

464. -- Care for --

465. -- a fancy egg?

466. DAD Thank you. --

467. -- I gotta say, Mr. Fairyman, --

468. -- I like your green hair. --

469. -- I guess when you're rich you can get away with anything.

470. COSMO That’s right. --

471. -- (calling out) We’re super rich! --

472. -- Now if you’ll excuse me, --

474. 133sc123wheelbarrowfront -- I have to leave my gold out to dry.

475. -- I have to leave my gold out to dry.

479. text

480. text

481. WANDA Look, honey! --

482. -- The diamonds are ripe.

483. fop232sc172cosmoastree COSMO Those will go great in your diamond mango salad. --

484. fop232sc172cosmoastree ROBBER pops up from the tree.

485. COSMO -- Won’t you stay for dinner?

486. DAD Sure! --

488. -- Timmy, --

489. -- it’s gonna be hard --

490. -- for me not to rob these people.

497. text

498. text

499. DAD goes to close the door... text

500. WANDA Oh, --

501. -- don’t bother closing the door! --

502. -- We rich people ånd it to be such a hassle!

508. DAD I’m gonna dust --

509. -- for ångerpaints.

510. TIMMY Fingerprints, Dad.

512. (TIMMY COUGHING)

513. 206-20sc008statuehead text

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518. FOP360sc111_HotDog text

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527. (SUGG) QUACK!

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537. TIMMY Uh, Dad, --

538. -- aren’t you supposed to dust for ångerprints and block off crime scenes --

539. -- after a crime?

541. DAD Timmy, --

542. -- I’m the defective here.

543. BURGLAR You sure are.

545. text

547. text

548. DAD Oh no! --

549. DAD -- It’s the waiter!

550. TIMMY Dad, it’s the burglar!

551. WANDA (O.S.) And he’s got our wands! --

553. WANDA -- I mean, our very expensive salad tongs!

554. BURGLAR Thanks to your loser neighborhood watch, --

555. -- robbing this town --

556. -- has been a piece of cake. --

557. -- I’m just gonna steal this one last thing --

558. -- before I go have a piece of cake.

559. text

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561. text

562. text

563. (DAD GASPS)

564. DAD Listen up, burglar. --

565. -- You can rob my house --

566. -- and humiliate me in front of the entire town, --

567. -- but --

568. -- nobody steals my duck call!

569. Fingerprint dust box falls out!

571. ROBBER AHHHHHH --

572. ROBBER CHOOOOOOOOO!

574. text

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576. text

577. ROBBER passes out. text

578. TIMMY Dad, your super weird detective skills actually paid off!

579. DAD That’s because good always triumphs over evil. --

580. -- Now grab the diamonds out of that salad --

583. -- and let’s get out of here.

584. FOP312sc145angryMOB2 EXT - FAIRYMANS’ HOUSE ANGRY CROWD WALLA

585. FOP312sc145angryMOB2 DAD Here’s your burglar, Dimmsdale! --

586. DAD Here’s your burglar, Dimmsdale! --

587. FOP312sc145angryMOB2 DAD Here’s your burglar, Dimmsdale! --

588. DAD -- We can all rest easy --

589. -- now that the streets are safe. --

590. -- I know I will. --

591. -- All that creamed corn --

592. -- me really sleepy.

593. (CROWD CHEERS)

594. (CROWD CHEERS)

595. (CROWD CHEERS)

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608. CLOSE on a gross-looking meatloaf. text

609. We see a long line of people. text

610. text

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612. text

613. EXT - FAIRYMANS’ HOUSE, DAY. text

614. NEIGHBOR Welcome to the neighborhood, Mrs. Fairyman.

615. WANDA Great. Thank you.

618. -- What are we gonna do with --

619. -- 800 meatloaves?

620. COSMO Well you know what they say: --

621. -- When life gives you meatloaf, --

622. -- make lemonade.

623. text

624. COSMO Boy, --

625. -- this is disgusting lemonade.

627. CROCKER I’m the Falcon! --

628. -- Call me.

FOP384 - "Lame Ducks"

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FOP384 - "Lame Ducks"