Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love

Bring Home the

LOVE
The Nature of Great
Relationships

Chris Walker

Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love www.innerwealth.com 1

Bring Home the Love
Relationships are an integral part of work life. The measure
the success of our relationship includes the success of
our work life and the work life success we enjoy needs to
include the quality of our love life. Including the quality
of our relationships in the measure of our work life is a far
more real and honest way of looking at things. Separating
them is a really sad idea.


Love is support and challenge An evolution in thought
All the elements, the winds, the tides, the currents are Balance, is a very simple concept to grasp. We have two
moving fluidly to sustain the balance. High pressures ears, two eyes, two nostrils, two arms, two legs. Two
and low pressure areas move to balance each other. All hemispheres to the brain, two cheeks to our bum. Anything
is functioning perfectly, there is nothing to be concerned that has to do with your experience of life (interpretation of
about. it) is measured in two, comparison is the keynote of human
existence and the foundation of all emotion, judgement,
disease, fatigue, stress, infatuation and pain.
In the West we wish for half truth. We try desperately to
sustain uppers without downers but no matter how much
religions or gurus promise, they cannot defy the universe. By looking for balance in your relationship you become
Balance exists and it is called, in any language, love. aware of what is actually already there. It’s like finding
the key to a jig saw puzzle. Often this means that you can
appreciate your partner more. Understanding that there are
If you enjoy a long period of relative complacency in
two sides to everyone, means that you can counterbalance
your relationship it will eventually turn the other side and
any negative thoughts with positive ones.
balance that time with challenge. There is no escaping it.

I don’t mean to advocate that you do positive thinking. That
Nature seeks balance in everything. Excess finds
idea doesn’t work. Search instead for balance of positive
deficiency. Uppers attract downers. Elation’s are balanced
and negative and then, with a good heart, focus on the
by depressions. Accepting both, this, ultimately, is the
positive.
foundation of love.


Nature as a Relationship Therapist
When people sit in nature and contemplate the beauty of
earth, one thing is obvious, there is harmony. This harmony
doesn’t need to be forced. It’s just a natural part of our
DNA when we get back to the earth and feel connected.

It’s a beautiful thing to see a couple sharing a moment in
nature. Whether it’s a beach walk or a mountain trek or a
day skiing. It doesn’t matter really. The most important
ingredient however, is not where you go. It’s what you do
together.

To connect with nature there needs to be dependence on it.
Walking down the beach might be perfect if you are having
a good time but if you are looking for a deeper experience
it might be better to be collecting shells, surfing or even
fishing. We paddle a double ocean kayak and trek in Nepal.
We depend on each other in these situations, and we have
to work with nature and the elements and I can honestly
say, “it’s the best therapy on earth.


Energy at Home

Bringing home your pay packet is a great achievement,
especially in these difficult times. But if the cost of that pay
packet is lost integrity, depression or distance from your
partner, then, well maybe there are a few changes you could
make.

Try stopping every half hour at work and finding a few
moments, say 30 seconds, of stillness. Stillness means to
empty your mind, empty your heart, empty yourself and
just breathe a sigh of happiness. In that moment think of
your partner, connect to them non locally.

The idea is to come home in a better state of mind than
when you left for work. That’s what will make your
relationship grow more healthy each day. Do your dirty
personal laundry at work. Keep your mind calm, your back
straight and your heart in good shape at the office.


Bring Home the love
It can be all a rush. Work, jump in the car, get home.
But what if the energy you bring home from work is not
conducive to good love? What then? When people go to
work they pick up all sorts of energy from other work
colleagues, clients and suppliers. They also create their own
emotions and the culmination of this can come home.

Bring home the love means that a person walks in the front
door without that energy from work. To do this, simply
separate the experience of work from the experience of
home by a few minutes or a space where you can refresh.
The check list for walking in the door is:

1. Have I balanced my day with good news and bad?
2. Am I finished for the night?
3. Have I rested enough to give my partner 100% focus?
4. Will my partner feel like they are the most important
thing in my mind when I walk in this door to home?
Being Real


Most people compare who they are with in relationship
to who they want to be with in relationship. That ideal
comparative might be a fictional character that’s not
even humanly possible. The result would be continual
disappointment.

My mother died when I was 3. I remember her, or do I?
Do I remember all the good only? Was I really old enough
to know all about her? Of course not! I only remember a
3 years old perspective of my mother and I unconsciously
sought and compared my relationships to that memory for
many, many years.

Now, instead of this, I know human nature. I know that
every human being, including my partner, has every human
trait and that the only thing that makes people really unique
are their intent, their talents and their actions. The rest are
phoney attempts people make to differentiate themselves
and those are not sustainable. Relationships really do bring
us back to our true nature. Intent, talent and action.
The Nature of Love

Here’s what we can learn about evolved relationships from
nature.
Too many people stay in a place that is not love. They
stay in relationship. Love can exist without relationship.
1/ People fall in love in a moment of Stillness - non trying
Relationship can exist without love. So, the measure of
2/ If there’s no challenge there’s no relationship
a great relationship by how long it lasted is a very old
3/ Emotion is made up of imbalanced perceptions
paradigm.
4/ Blame doesn’t grow, heal or build relationships
5/ Love lasts -relationships sometimes don’t
In nature I watch the changes take place that are essential
6/ People become how others treat them
to its health. Unlike the naturalist who wants everything
7/ What people appreciate grows. What they depreciate dies
in nature to survive forever, nature has no intention of
8/ Nobody does anything to us more than we do it to
emulating a human emotional ideal. Nature evolves and
ourselves
this means specie adapt.
9/ There are seven levels of love - Gross to Subtle
10/ What people judge in others they become
If relationships can sustain love by adapting to
circumstance they are alive and healthy, even if there
is challenge. Adapt. It means making the best of
circumstances, rather than complaining or blaming them for

Be honest. Are you in the right place? behaviour or mood.


Possessive?
This is my favourite confusion. When I had one
relationship I decided not to be at all possessive. I really
meant it. My partner complained, “you don’t really care.”

In another relationship I decided to be possessive. I
really wanted my partner to know I cared, she said, “stop
controlling me, you have no right.” What I worked out is
that possessive is good if it is in the form of the desire to be
with and have lots of, time and loving, with a partner. But if
possessive is jealousy or fear based then it’s toxic and will
hurt both the person who is possessive and their partner.

Jealousy and fear are very low emotional states and
counterbalance very attractive emotional states like passion
and greed. Sometimes the most passionate lover is the most
jealous. People don’t understand human nature enough to
see that those two emotional states are balancing partners.
Inseparable.


Looking after Yourself

Single people are often fit, healthy, happy, enthusiastic, relaxed,
inspired, ambitious, friendly, have a good group of friends, have
plans, dreams ambitions, visions, fun nights, flirt a bit and spend
time making sure they look good. They have the time for it and
they are a bit lonely, so they are motivated.

Lonely people get into a relationship then forget fitness, get
unhealthy, be boring, lose enthusiasm, get tense, be uninspired,
drop goals, drop friends, lose interest in plans, dreams and
ambitions, stop going out for fun, limit connections to people
because they are not lonely anymore.

Then their partner dumps them because they changed so much
after the relationship started and that poor person is back being
single, lonely again. It is far wiser to become your own best
friend and make sure that’s constant whether you’re single or
double. That way your motive for love is love. Not the removal
of loneliness.


Looking after your partner Evolve Your Process
The best thing you can do for your partner is be a good you.
Quality control in a relationship is a significant test
of virtue. There are a million excuses why we can
Whatever this means to you the result of it needs to be:
compromise. We say, “I’m not feeling well” or “I’m under
pressure at work.” I guess there’s a short term and a long
1. Feeling generally happy with who you are
term compromise, but in my experience, they both end
2. Being confident in your ability to survive your worst
up causing significant loss. Why compromise? If it is
fear
stress at work, fix it, not by backing away from your job,
3. Having energy for life, feeling enthusiastic about the day
no, that’s disaster. Fix it by raising your science of self
4. Having work that you really enjoy and find rewarding
management. Looking after yourself is an ever evolving
5. Having a physical regime for exercise 3 times a week
process. Instead of staying fixed in your thoughts, like I’m
6. Being your healthy weight
a Taoist, or I’m a Buddhist, or I’m a Hindu, look at ways
7. Being inwardly calm and centred
of learning more adding more to your self management
8. Feeling positive about life and the future
process. Compromise in relationship is usually caused
9. Having friends outside your relationship
because a person is fixed in their approach to life and stress
10. Enjoying a hobby or activity that inspires you
and pressure. There are different techniques and they are all
11. Making a contribution to the world
targeted for specific levels of stress. As stress goes up, so
12. Having a long term goal set you are working toward
do the techniques. Don’t back away from work stress, learn
13. Having a picture of the future that includes your partner.
better ways to handle it. Evolve process.


Be interested without interfering
If you didn’t ask for advice don’t listen to it. If you weren’t
asked for advice, don’t give it. At home at least this is a
wise way to find balance.

If people think they are superior to their partner they start
advising them about how to change their life or work. This
is often done with loving kindness and good intent but it is
not healthy in a balanced relationship.

If people are asked for advice then their partner is open.
If people are not asked for advice and they give it, then, it
is really like trying to coat the world in leather rather than
wear leather shoes.

Relationship is not ownership. If people get too attached
to their partner’s lifestyle and try to manage it, then, this is
more like playing parent. It is good and giving but maybe
the cost is romance and intimacy. Nobody really gets
aroused by the idea of a partner as a parent.


Respect for effort
For tolerance and shear tenacity, my first wife deserves a
medal. I’d come home exhausted and stressed from trying
to build the business all day and I’d have nothing left.
For the partner I had just after my divorce, she deserves a
medal for listening to me moan about my ex wife, when
I should have been giving her my best. For the partner I
had just after my second partner just after my divorce, she
deserves a medal for being with a man self-obsessed and
going through therapy. Too spun out to give her what she
deserved. For the partner I had just after the partner I had
just after the one after the divorce, she deserves a medal
because I was travelling the world meditating and being too
spiritual to notice that I wasn’t turning up to give her what
she deserved. The partner I had, just after that one, she got
the worst of it because she thought I was over all that and
I was, just in time to discover that I had so much to give
the world in such a short time I forgot to bring home to her
what she deserved. Now it’s different, I’ve learned from all
this. High cost education don’t you think?


Partitioning can be dangerous Love is the best Religion
People are taught how to put aside their emotions so that In the thirty five years I have now clocked up helping
they can get a day’s work done. Or, to put aside their work people improve their lives, the single and greatest anomaly
so they can have a night of love. This seems to work for has been the difference between people’s religion, spiritual
some people. practices and their relationships. Or better put, what people
speak and what people do. It manifest most in the way
people act toward their partner and work colleagues and
In more advanced societies, where things are not so
what they say the world should be like. It’s like that adage,
intellectual, such partitioning would be considered corrupt.
what we can’t do, we teach. There’s a lot of rhetoric in our
In these societies mind is mind, and hiding some thought
world and all too often action doesn’t match it.
or emotion is inauthentic self awareness. In fact, they
would claim that this partitioning is a fiction. That, in
fact, we are only deluding ourselves if we think that our The essence of the divine is in people’s eyes and for me,
hidden emotions are not felt and our hidden worries are not this is the perfect place worship. It’s not so fanatical, or
affecting our heart. righteous but at least it’s genuine and real. If I can’t see
God in the eyes of humanity, how can I expect to see God
in a wooden statue?
There are fast effective process to sort out worry and
emotion. I think these are more honest and authentic rather
than use partitioning. Maybe partitioning is a good back up I learnt this by seeing the sacred in nature, in everything
if the worry or emotion is in emergency overload but I’d that is part of nature.
say this, in a heathy leader, should happen, once or twice a
year, at most.

Beware Personal Growth Seminars
Although I run personal growth seminars myself, I am
not a great fan of them. There are two reasons: The first
is that the teacher is being paid, and therefore is earning
a living from that presentation. This means that there is
a compromise between what they might say if they just
opened their heart, and what they do say, if they want
to win the acceptance and therefore money from, the
audience.

The second is that group dynamics cause people to do all
sorts of tricks that they themselves don’t even understand.
I have worked with people one to one and seen them all
too often become a different being in a group session. This
has positive and negative consequences. Sometimes groups
help people feel safe and sometimes the louder voices,
the more intellectual or more emotional people distract
the whole group and waste people’s valuable time. It’s a
complex learning environment when it comes to emotional
and personal issues. Personal Growth...


Detachment
Who are you? And Where are you going?

For many people, the lack of an authentic answer to these
two questions, (the most important personal questions you
can ask), leads them to be in a relationship. They replace
those answers with, “I am a wife or husband and I am
going into the future with my partner.”

This is like a sucker fish on the back of a whale. There is
nothing wrong with it. It doesn’t bother the whale. But this
individual who cannot answer those two questions, and
attaches themselves to a partner, will have a very unstable
emotional, mental and physical life.

People might go to a thousand doctors, start 100 careers,
have children and donate money to charity but if they are
attached to a partner to avoid those questions happiness
will avoid them. They will not be able to relax, their mind
will be always uncertain.


Home Do I like myself?
My home is my temple. I work from home. Live from Sometimes I didn’t like myself. In those times my
home. Make love in my home. Rest in my home. I don’t relationship was a really difficult thing. If I didn’t like
have a separation between the inside and the outside of my myself, why would anyone else? And if they did, they were
home foolish.

My home includes the park nearby as well as Sydney I used to tell lies so that I could stay in my relationship. I’d
harbour. My home includes the back yard, which extends do one thing and say another. I thought it was completely
all the way from Sydney to New York and the front yard is OK, because it made me happy, and my partner didn’t
in Nepal in the Himalayas. My home is not a box made of know. But I knew. And I didn’t like what I knew, even if
bricks. My home is nature, the whole universe is my home, I collapsed it, or justified it or rationalised it. I didn’t like
and yours. other people who lied to me, so how could I like me who
lied to others? It’s all pretty simple really.
My home is where my heart is open.
The more I like being who I am the more I can like being
liked for who I am. Many people don’t have this issue. But
I try to make that everywhere.
I did, for 34 years and more. I really believed that what
people didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. It does. So now,
I’m not as naive as before, I don’t deliberately hurt people
by being the person I don’t like.


Soul Mates
When you go to the bathroom and strip down all your
clothes, who do you see? Are you happy to see it?

When you sit alone in nature with nothing to do, no one to
talk to, no ipod to listen to. Alone with nothing to do. Do
you like that feeling of being with you?

When you do something wrong, or when something goes
really bad for you, a personal disaster, how do you feel
about it? Do you feel like the captain going down with
the ship or do you feel like the balloonist watching from
above? How does it feel when things go wrong.

In order to recognise your soul mate in life I’ve found that
I need to be in a healthy space otherwise I get soul mates
mixed up with great escapes, blind dates, old issue retakes
and movie remakes. A mate at soul level requires that we
know ourselves at soul level, and that, in essence, is a
whole lotta love, before we go out.


Protecting Relationships
Sometimes I look into my partner’s eyes and see so much
pain. I’ve obviously neglected her or done something to
offend her. Mostly, it is from being too self-absorbed.

That’s like the squeaky wheel management system where
we oil the wheel because it’s making a noise. Waiting for
my partner to be sad or upset in order to do the right thing
is really dumb. Sometimes it’s my wheel that’s squeaking
but I oil hers. Like something is wrong, so it must be her.
That’s even more dumb.

Mostly my relationship problems emanate from my work.
If I am not happy at work I demand too much at home.
If I am happy in my work I sometimes get complacent at
home. I had to set the boundaries really tight on how I act
toward my partner so that I could avoid passing on my
work related challenges and supports to her. She deserves
better than that, even if she’s willing to tolerate it. I know
eventually, the wheel will squeak, or scream


Stillness
Evolve
I evolve my relationship everyday. I ask, “how can I give One of nature’s most powerful meditation gifts is the art of
more love?” stillness. In all the years I have been practicing meditation
and yoga, I have yet to find a practice so powerful, so
natural and so easy to achieve this amazing state.
Once I thought to improve my relationship I needed to
spend more time in it. That’s so primitive because if I was
a bad partner more time simply means I would be better Stillness means in body, mind and spirit. Body is under
at being a bad partner. Doing it wrong for longer makes control of the mind, mind is under control of the spirit.
things worse. Most people have all three lose in the paddock at the same
time. They don’t know which way to turn. This is called
inner turbulence, mind noise, worry, anxiety, emotional
One guy said to me after a workshop, “I thought I’d been
instability and depression.
married for 20 years, but now I realise, I’ve been married
one year, twenty times.” He’d repeated the same patterns,
same approach, same mistakes for 20 years. What a missed In stillness people fall in love. If a couple find stillness in
opportunity. their heart they fall in love over and over and over again.
I think this is the most important process for a love filled
relationship and healing an existing one. It is also perfect
for the single person who wants to attract the partner that is
right for them. Stillness is emptiness. I want nothing, I need
nothing and therefore I have everything.


Avoiding aggression - dealing with
righteousness
In my family, Dad was always right. There was no grey.
Then my sister got it, she was always right. Then I got it.
But we were not always right. We were just strong enough
to convince people that we were always right. Nobody
is ever right. We are always right and wrong in the same
breath.

I think being right is a way through struggle and insecurity
but there’s no space for a partner when we are always being
right. No real intimacy.

As we grew up we learned to let go of this being
right thing. However, many fundamentalists have this
righteousness at the core of their social beliefs and
therefore cannot integrate in a broader society.

In nature, there’s always duality. With the exception of
love.


Ego Nothing To Change -
Professor Austin was an old, wrinkly, loving man whose We treat others as we treat ourselves. If we can accept
daughter was a great friend (at least until my divorce ourselves we can accept others.
from my first wife). I was a hippie at University studying
ecology. One night, over about 6 bottles of red wine, Your partner wants to be with someone who likes him or
as Professor used to enjoy most nights, he and I had her. They don’t want to be always trying to please you.
an intense debate. In the heat of it, I was really getting If people can’t accept themselves then, they can’t accept
overheated when he turned to his wife and said, “I think others. This feels like rejection, even if it is not.
this man is having us on.” I burst into tears. The weirdest
reaction. What I realised years later was that I had no Rejection is a turn off. Acceptance is a turn on. When
identity without the arguments for my beliefs. He was the a person suddenly feels accepted they are aroused.
first person to ever strip me of my attachment to my ego. Appreciation is a natural aphrodisiac.
Without my ideas, beliefs and arguments, who was I?
This whole idea comes to one major sticking point. If we
It’s hard to be an open minded, and therefore an open accept ourselves as perfect, and therefore others as perfect,
hearted person if we define ourselves by what we think just as they are, then, what is there to change and what will
because we become obsessed with our ego, always wanting motivate us?
to be right, fearful of being wrong: always looking for the
moral high ground. Try it and see....


Trust

I call trust the silk thread of relationship.

You can break my heart, you can do all manner of things
and as long as I hold trust, I can love you and live with you
forever.

But, if I lose trust in you. If my trust is betrayed or I betray
yours, then we are through. That silk threat is, in my
experience, not repairable.

I have seen people live in relationship and love each other
without trust. They have said, “I can’t trust my partner but
I love that part of them.” In this way, the silk thread of trust
is no longer important.

Lost trust makes people feel superior. And if we feel
superior or inferior to someone then we cannot have a love
filled relationship with them. Only friendship.


What is sacred - The love or the relationship? Separating Love and Relationship
On a mountain top in Nepal, with my heart thumping and A beautiful discovery is that we can fall in love with many,
my body hanging over a 1,000 meter drop, what would many, many, many people. The dark side of that is what we
I say to this question? What is sacred - my love or my do about it.
relationship?
I’d say my relationship. When I was young, falling in love meant automatically that
I was no longer in love with who I was with. So, I’d dump
Sitting in the lounge of my Sydney apartment, looking out my current relationship and move to my next one.
over the Harbour Bridge on a beautiful sunny day, enjoying
a glass of wine, what would I say to the same question? By the age of 50 I realised this was not going to work.
I’d say love. It only took 35 years to discover that falling in love is a
really natural and beaut thing, but I don’t have to possess
What is the difference? everyone and everything I fall in love with. Of course,
possession has many forms but for me it was often a
relationship and usually involved sexuality.

That’s a lot of falling in love’s in my life. I don’t regret the
falling in love part, in fact I do it daily even now, but what
I have changed is the need to bring home or even talk to all
the people I fall in love with. Phew...


In or Out

The most common question people ask me is - In or out?
Should I stay or should I go?

My most simple answer is: “if you have to ask that
question, then you’ve already answered it.” Until there is
no question, we are best to stay.

Sometimes the real purpose of our relationship can only
come out by journeying through an awful challenge. It’s
when you get to the other side of that challenge, and there
is no compelling cause for you to be considering stay or go.
You may choose that it is time to go.

I always say to people, “Don’t leavem till you lovem” And
love, in this case means, unconditionally.


The Nature of Relationship Healthy love life comes from a healthy love of
life.
I think it is a real bonus for a relationship to celebrate
nature together. It is, in my opinion an antidote to the
technology, ambition and competitive environment we live When I work really well and be creative, inspired and
in. enthusiastic about my work, my love life thrives too. The
opposite is unfortunately true.
I do think that too much TV, too many phone calls, not
enough self alone time and the invasion of advertising in When I feel love for nature, I feel love for my life and my
our relationships demands some countermeasures. Bringing relationship really skyrockets in affection and intimacy.
nature into our home is the first step. Plants, pictures,
music, aquariums, pets and soft furnishings are perfect When the world gets me down, I really struggle at home.
steps. Then add the laws of nature to your thinking and
finally, step out into a dependency on each other in nature.
For example:

• Surfing together
• Beach walking together
• Sea Kayak together (use a double)
• Cycling together
• Trekking together.


Reinventing Ourselves Staying Sane
Each year we evolve. We’re different each year but In the bush everything is different. I am different, everyone
sometimes our relationships don’t evolve with us. So, seems different. We’re more generous in nature, more open,
they become like a heavy weight around our shoulders, or, more creative. That’s just because we feel safe, even when
worse still, boring. it’s dangerous in nature.

I think its really important to reinvent yourself annually. I trust nature. It treats me the same as the next person.
This in essence means to revisit your inspirations in life. I feel safe in nature, more creative, more visionary. It’s
Find out what you want, what you like and don’t like. To less emotional because there’s just no value in emotion
look at your hair style, clothes, home and work style. in nature. I take people into nature. They usually love it.
I teach the laws of nature to bring nature to people. It’s
possible to be immersed in nature even in the middle of a
It’s a big ask for two people to remain intrigued with each
city. You just have to implement the laws of nature in your
other for same old same old for many years. If we were
thinking and then nature is all around.
in nature we’d be naturally adapting to the weather, and
all sorts of nature’s little tricks so, we’d be the same but
different each year. Staying sane means avoiding depressions and other
debilitating mind states. There are many nature based
techniques for this but the best is getting your hands dirty.
We need to be the same but different too.
Getting into nature and really playing, working with it,
depending on it.


Turning Up Love Grows
Like in Wilson’s Promontory in Victoria, Australia and I’m
doing a bush walk all by myself, trying to clear my head, 10 years ago, I abandoned the self help industry to focus
but not doing so good at it, when there, three inches from more on nature and natural process for life. One reason
the toe of my outstretched boot, a massive 8 foot long black I did this switch was because for most of the people I
snake, head compressed and totally ready to strike. Now, met in self help, they were going around in circles. They
when that happened I couldn’t tell you how long I stood on loved, but they just loved the same amount and moved it to
one foot frozen so it wouldn’t bite, but let me tell you this, I different people and different things.
didn’t think about my “big work problems” too much.
It’s my experience that if love is not growing in a
relationship or in a life, then that person is actually going
backward. In nature, everything expands. So, natural love is
always getting more and more.

In nature, the least love you’ll ever feel for your partner is
the first love, it just grows. If your love feels the same for
your partner after a few years, you can know that you are
going backward and there’s a tsunami on the way.


Unlearning Judgement Everything has a purpose
There are few turn off greater than judgement. At work you There is a reason for everything. A reason to meet someone
might have to use your left brain all day, then, when you and a reason to stay with someone. Nature is a reasoning
come home to a relationship you might struggle to turn that essence.
left brain off and have the right brain active. That brings
huge judgement into your home. Sometimes we meet someone and there’s love but the
relationship doesn’t last. I stayed in some relationships far
Relationships thrive on right brain creative experience. too long. I stayed in others not long enough.
Work often thieves on logical left brain experiences. So,
people need a really good process to switch across. Every relationship has a purpose and when that purpose is
complete, so is that relationship. This is why it is important
When I take some people to Nepal, it takes them 5 or 6 to know how to get out of a relationship with the same
days to switch across from left to right brain. When they enthusiasm and love that you went into it with.
do, they are almost different people. More loving, more
open, more creative. Barriers to entry to a relationship are small, barriers to
exit are huge. It is not a matter of easy come easy go, it is
I can’t imagine what a rut they must be in at home and at a matter of staying in for all the best reasons. A purpose,
work with such a clunky switching mechanism. greater than self.


Facing Frustra

A frustra is a period of time in life that is filled with My partner is like a full moon. I can see her with beauty
frustration. Almost like a glass ceiling on life. It can come and joy or I can see her as a nuisance, annoying or
in the form of blocked emotion, blocked inspiration, frustrating. I learned that it is better not to blame my
blocked affection, blocked intimacy, blocked love: these partner for this shifting perception but rather to accept that
are frustra. Areas and times where judgements need to be I’m projecting my inner stuff onto her.
unlearned.
It is really my work.
Frustra are the worst time to leave a relationship, or leave Don’t blame the Moon
a job or make a choice of any kind. Nature evolves us with
frustra - challenge and it’s better to get through it before I used to say, “look how you made me feel.” Now I say,
making radical life choices. “Look what I am feeling.” In the first scenario I assumed
that I felt nothing until my partner did something to
If the moon is full and you are having a candle lit dinner provoke my feelings. In the second scenario, I assume
with your loved one, this moon is perfect. If you are trying I already feel things but don’t know it until my partner
to get some sleep and the dogs are barking all night because triggers it.
of that full moon, then the very same moon is a total
nuisance for disturbing the dogs. One is thankful, one is blame. One creates love.


Chris Walker - Bring Home the Love

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