This is a condensed slide deck from my Fall 2018 section of The Art of Self-Coaching at the Stanford Graduate School of Business.

1. The art of
Photo by Philip Leara [link]
self-coaching
Ed Batista
Class 7:
VULNERABILITY
Fall 2018

2. Empathy, shame
& embarrassment
Photo by Brandon Grasley [link]

3. Empathy, shame
Brené Brown, University of Houston
Edgar Schein, MIT
& embarrassment

4. Empathy, shame
Shame & embarrassment = I’m unworthy or flawed
Empathy = The antidote to these feelings
& embarrassment

5. Empathy, shame
Shame & embarrassment = Create distance
Empathy = Creates closeness
& embarrassment

6. Empathy, shame
Seeking help  Shame or embarrassment
(Any emotions that evoke vulnerability)
True for many forms of disclosure
& embarrassment

7. Empathy, shame
Our typical responses block empathy
1. “Look on the bright side”
2. “My problem’s worse”
3. “Here’s some advice”
& embarrassment

8. Empathy, shame
Instead…
1. Avoid judgments
2. Sense & validate emotions
3. Convey understanding (≠ agreement)
& embarrassment

9. Crucible stories
Photo by Dave Hogg [link]

10. Crucible stories
Meaning-making
Mental models
Connections
Empathy

11. Vulnerability
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myths

12. Vulnerability
Vulnerability = oversharing or weakness
I don’t do vulnerability
I can go it alone
myths

13. Vulnerability
So…
If vulnerability ≠ oversharing, what’s enough?
If vulnerability ≠ weakness, what is it?
How do we build boundaries & trust?
questions

14. Personal, but
not professional?
Photo by John Walker [link]

15. You can’t trust a
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predator

16. Examples of
1. Sharing an unpopular opinion
2. Standing up for myself
3. Asking for help
4. Saying no
(Brené Brown, Daring Greatly, p 35)
vulnerability

17. Shame breeds…
Disconnection
Blame
Fear

18. Translation
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19. Translation
Effective vulnerability fits the context
Conform to the culture just enough
It looks different for all of us
How might you translate it into professional life?

20. Meta-emotion
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21. Meta-emotion
John Gottman & Horst Mitmansgruber et al
How do we feel about how we feel?

22. Meta-emotion
Feelings (& thoughts) about our emotions
Yet another set of mental models

23. Meta-emotion
Discomfort with emotion 
Feelings themselves become triggers

24. Meta-emotion
Possible with any emotions
Particularly salient with vulnerability
Powerful counter-productive responses
(Suppression or denial, distance, acting out)

25. What can we do?
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26. What can we do?
Lower the waterline
Act in the moment
Build capacity

27. What can we do?
Understand my meta-emotional response
Recognize it as a mental model
Challenge it when needed

28. To sum up
Photo by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link]
Vulnerability can be a powerful lever
And a counter-productive force
Meta-emotions are key

29. To sum up
You’ll manage your vulnerability or you won’t
You’ll build a culture no matter what

30. To sum up
A classroom ≠ the real world
But underlying principles still apply
It’s up to you to translate them effectively

31. For next time…
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32. Unhappiness
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33. Unhappiness
Subjective points of view
Stoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor Frankl
Which ones are most meaningful to you?

34. Unhappiness
Chödrön is a little out there
That’s why Burkeman Ch.3 is an option
(Burkeman Ch.2 is required, not optional)

35. & a (short) story…

36. & a (short) story…
After doing the reading, complete the worksheet
Multiple sources of unhappiness
Be prepared to disclose one
You’ll have 20 seconds

37. Please note…
This exercise can be daunting
Please plan accordingly
Please be on time

38. Other items…
Slides will be posted on my site
Weekly assignment due Tuesday 9pm
Today’s 1:1s in B206 (the usual location)