No more snow
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Tired of #winter? So am I. Winter needs a sabbatical STAT.
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No more snow
- 1. N O M ORE S NOW Snow isn’t required any longer because: We have all met our yearly requirement of snowfall, and winter isn’t over yet This means that since we’ve made our snowfall requirement (plus MORE), we should feel glad that it has helped plant life
- 2. N O M ORE S HOVELING If we don’t get anymore snow, we shouldn’t have to shovel. I’ve declared that shoveling should now be an Olympic sport. It’s more grueling than Curling Don’t just shovel your driveway – don’t forget the sidewalks. People like me need to walk their dogs
- 3. N O M ORE H EAVY C OATS In addition to incinerating heavy coats, let’s also rid ourselves the few extra pounds of: Scratchy wool hats Water resistant gloves Winter boots which can be as heavy as an anvil Scarves. OK – we’ll keep the scarves just because it’s a decent fashion statement
- 4. N O M ORE I CE Ice is clear. Ice is hidden underneath snow sometimes. Slipping and landing on your ass may be a fun video to watch, but maybe not at the time you’re in the ER getting that tailbone checked out Tread lightly – especially if you have very high strung dogs who don’t can’t differentiate between the words, “Walk” and “Sprint”
- 5. N O M ORE W IND Wind need only apply on hot summer days Winter winds sometimes make me lose my breath when I step outside – Mother Nature is trying to kill me I prefer to not have my eyelids frozen shut or skin separated from my skull while I walk two minutes from car to mall entrances
- 6. N O M ORE B ULKY S WEATERS Does this sweater make my body look big? Some sweaters are kind to your figure Some sweaters are only meant to be worn when it’s -30 below; this is not a fashion statement