Cremulous goes to prom at his girlfriend Shanon's house and meets her intimidating father Spencer. During dinner, Cremulous' haptic feedback glove is discovered, leading to a tense confrontation. As things escalate, Cremulous' other glove attacks and strangles Spencer to death. Cremulous and Shanon's relationship ends, while Cremulous reflects on the disastrous night years later.

1. WARNING: THIS NEXT QUIBI SHOW RULES. IT’S PRETTY NEAT AND
YOU’RE GONNA FLIP FOR IT. BUT IN ORDER TO ENJOY IT YOU’LL
NEED A COMPARABLE BOWEL BUILD-UP. GRAB A STEAK AND A FROZEN
MARG, LET SIT AND THEN CUE YOURSELF UP AN 11-MINUTE SHIT FOR
THIS QUIBI.
EXT. PORCH - DUSK
CREMULOUS, an average 20-something male (bedecked in the
gamer gear of today), rocks back and forth on his antique
chair on his antique porch.
CREMULOUS
The worst breakup I ever had was in
high school.
He sucks on a corncob pipe and then lets loose with a big
puffy cloud of that corncob concoction. The smoke fills our
vision and we FADE TO:
EXT. GIRL’S HOUSE - DUSK
TITLE: 6 YEARS AGO.
A LIMO PULLS UP in a cloud of corncob smoke. It billows from
every cracked window.
CREMULOUS steps out, a pimply 18-year-old whelp. He is
wearing a rented tux but clearly it’s wearing him.
He’s also wearing an HTV VIVE VISOR (VR goggles that
completely block his field of vision) and HAPTIC FEEDBACK
GLOVES. A true gamer.
He coughs a bit as the driver side window rolls down,
revealing THE DRIVER (from the 90s) sucking on a corncob
pipe.
DRIVER
You wanna hit?
CREMULOUS
No thanks man. Didn’t they ban
those?
DRIVER
Not while you’re driving a limo.
It’s the only place it’s safe. Hey--
The driver punches him lightly, friendly-like, on the arm.

2. 2.
DRIVER (CONT'D)
You excited about prom?
CREMULOUS
Kinda.
DRIVER
Whaddya mean kinda, you stupid
piece of shit kid? Prom rules!
CREMULOUS
It’s just...I mean, I really like
this girl and I don’t wanna screw
it up. But I’ve never met her dad
before and now I have to.
DRIVER
Kill him.
CREMULOUS
What?
The driver pulls away.
DRIVER
I’m gonna circle around the lawn
and do more hits of this shit.
Cremulous shakes his head, adjusts his gamer gear, and walks
inside.
But before he can kick open the front door with all of his
strength, his girlfriend opens it and pokes her head out.
This is SHANON OHIO (18), and her hair is almost done. An
entire CURLING IRON HANGS from one of her non-finished
ringlets and it’s smoking.
SHANON
Hey. You look tight as fuck. That
HTC?
CREMULOUS
Only the best for Shanon.
SHANON
Ditch the gloves. Dad won’t like
them.
CREMULOUS
What? They’re haptic, I can’t just
toss ‘em to the dog.
2.

3. 3.
SHANON
Trust me. He will not want to see
you with gloves on.
She closes the door and SCREAMS ABOUT HER HAIR HURTING.
SHANON (O.S.) (CONT'D)
SHIT! I SAID GODDAMN ABOUT MY HAIR!
Cremulous sighs, taking off his haptic feedback gloves.
Then he stops.
CREMULOUS
Just one.
He throws one HAPTIC FEEDBACK GLOVE on the roof and keeps the
other one firmly affixed to his hand.
CREMULOUS (CONT'D)
He’ll never know.
He opens the door and walks in SIDEWAYS--
INT. HOUSE - DUSK
And only EVER WALKS SIDEWAYS, to obscure one gloved hand from
whoever is in front of him. This is his incredible plan to
block their view of the glove.
CREMULOUS
Hello?
DAD (O.S.)
Come on in. Shanon’s told me all
about you.
Cremulous can’t yet clap eyes on this daddy. He shimmies down
the hallway where the sound is coming from.
CREMULOUS
She--she has?
DAD (O.S.)
Hell yeah lil’ bro. She says you’re
her one and only. Ain’t that a
peach and a pit.
Cremulous hears a GROWL and his head whips to see a DOG
sitting in the living room (where no one else is). The Dog
knows about his glove and stares at him, growling.
3.

4. 4.
DAD (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Heh. Don’t worry about Sherlock
Bones over there. She’s just angry
on account of her never sleeping.
CREMULOUS
What?
INT. CREAM ROOM - DUSK
Cremulous finally shimmies into the CREAM ROOM, where a
spread of food is laid out in all its bountiful glory.
And the DAD is there too. He is an OAK in his 50s. Bear paw
of a handshake. Thunderclap of laugh. Steel wool runnin’ up
and down those cargo-shorted gams of his.
DAD
Dog don’t sleep. Name’s Spencer.
Spencer reaches out his hand to shake Cremulous’. But it
would be his GLOVED hand that he would naturally return to
shake. So Cremulous, after an--
--agonizing--
10 second pause, brings out his left, GLOVELESS hand, to
gingerly grab the top of Spencer’s outstretched fingers,
shaking them daintily like a lady.
DAD (CONT'D)
(perturbed but then laughs
it off)
Hell of a shakearoony you got
there, ya little sea otter. You
gaming in there while the man of
the house talks to you?
CREMULOUS
No sir. Loading screen.
DAD
Good. That’s polite. Well then you
should LOAD UP on this dip!
CREMULOUS
Oh, ok.
The dad plops a paper plate RIGHT ON CREMULOUS’ NON-GLOVED
HAND.
4.

5. 5.
DAD
Simply scoop your fill of chips and
take a dip into this brine. The
shrimp dip is a must.
CREMULOUS
Shrimp dip?
DAD
Just in front ‘a you, cowboy.
Cremulous is in a real pickle here. His one free hand is on
plate duty.
CREMULOUS
You know, I--I think I can do this
without the plate, if you wouldn’t
mind taking it back, sir, please--
DAD
I raised Shanon since she was a
pup.
CREMULOUS
I’m sorry?
DAD
I know her better’n she know
herself. And my little angel, well,
she lets her heart fly free like a
kite, gets that from her momma. But
it’s up to me to keep a grip on
that string til she knows what’s
good for her.
The dad leans in real close, nestling his nose just under the
visor. Cremulous GULPS.
DAD (CONT'D)
Now, if she was to bring in a prom
date who dared refuse a plate for
his complimentary shrimp dip, so’s
not to scatter a stray glop of the
dip on my fine Persian rug, well
that wouldn’t suit me fine.
The dad grabs Cremulous’ arm tight.
DAD (CONT'D)
I’d have to tighten my grip on the
string. Know what I mean, lima
bean?
Cremulous nods.
5.

6. 6.
DAD (CONT'D)
Now feast.
EXT. PORCH - DUSK -- PRESENT DAY
Cremulous takes another drag of the corn, reminiscing.
CREMULOUS
What happened next blew my fuckin’
mind.
RESUME FLASHBACK.
INT. CREAM ROOM - DUSK
Cremulous tries to scoop his plate directly into the dip,
forgoing the chips entirely.
DAD
Come now. Ain’t no better vessel
for a shrimpy dip than a crispy
chip.
Cremulous shakes his head.
CREMULOUS
No sir. Tryin’ to watch my chip
intake.
DAD
Fine fine. Hey we all die
eventually, be it chip or cancer.
CREMULOUS
Uh-huh.
Cremulous concentrates on the execution of the dip scoop,
bringing out a MASSIVE GLOB of shrimp on his bending paper
plate. It’s a mountain of mayo and sea scuttlers.
The Dad chuckles.
DAD
Whoooo-whee! That’s one helluva
hamburger hill you done dredged up
there. You gonna tell me you
finishing that without a single
hint of chip? We got sour cream and
onion, it being the Cream Room of
course.
6.

7. 7.
CREMULOUS
(nervous as fuck)
I’ll be quite all right sir.
Cremulous brings the plate to his mouth, extending his tongue
a full three inches to lightly hook the tip around one of the
soggy shrimps. THIS PLAYS OUT IN AGONIZING SLOW-MOTION.
The dad is flabbergasted.
DAD
(narrating to himself)
Bah God! He’s using his tongue tip
as a fun chip!
Cremulous is sweating profusely. This takes intense
concentration and is harder than even the SATs.
The dad pulls up a chair and sits in it, watching like a
gleeful spectator. Cremulous brings the shrimp ever so closer
to his mouth, but it WOBBLES--
Dad gasps--
--and NEARLY FALLS OFF CREMULOUS’ TONGUE. But then:
Cremulous thinks quick, and FLICKS his tongue up to send the
shrimp flipping into the air and lands perfectly in his
mouth.
The DAD IS BOWLED OVER, CLAPPING WITH GLEE ON THE FLOOR.
DAD (CONT'D)
THE LAD FLIPPED THAT SHRIMP WITH
HIS FUN TONGUE TIP! I WISH MY WIFE
WAS ALIVE FOR THIS ONE, AND THIS
ONE ONLY! SHE CAN DISAPPEAR BACK TO
HELL FOR ALL I CARE AFTER SHE
WITNESSED JUST THIS ONE FABULOUS
FLIP!
Cremulous is happy, chewing his shrimp in victory.
DAD (CONT'D)
You, my boy, may take my dearest
daughter Shanon to the prom. That’s
a cargo dad promise to a betuxed
boy if ever there was one.
He claps a mighty paw on Cremulous’ shrimp shoulder (the
shoulder of the arm that’s busy holding the 12-pound plate of
shrimp dip). It shakes the dip and the paper begins to bend--
7.

8. 8.
WITHOUT THINKING, Cremulous attempts to grab the plate with
his other hand, the one WITH THE HAPTIC GLOVE!
But HE FUCKS IT UP AND GRABS PURE SHRIMP DIP as the plate
makes its way down, down, down, down--
To the persian rug, SPLATTERING EVERYWHERE.
Cremulous’ gloved hand, absolutely full of creamed-up seafood
delite, winds up SMACKING Spencer in the face. He gets a
fistful of food, fingers, and force.
What feels like an eternity passes.
An errant shrimp slowly creeps down the cheek of Spencer’s
angry, angry face. He eats it once it gets near his trembling
lips.
DAD (CONT'D)
Is that a--haptic feedback glove
you got affixed there.
CREMULOUS
Sir, I can explain--
DAD
Thought you’d get handsy with my
girl, my strong independent Shanon,
and record the data later in your
chamber of gaming?
The dad’s voice literally makes the fine china RATTLE.
CREMULOUS
That’s--that’s just not at all how
it works, if you give me six hours
I can explain the mechanics--
DAD
YOU GON’ GET SIX SECONDS OF THE
NANO VARIETY TO GET OUTTA MY HOUSE
A’FORE I SIC MY RAGING CUR SHERLOCK
BONES UPON YOUR FEISTY ASS!
Cremulous whimpers into his glove, delivering an order.
CREMULOUS
Engage flight mode!
8.

9. 9.
EXT. THE ROOF - DUSK AS HELL, EAT SHIT QUIBI
Cremulous’ other glove SNAPS to attention, and on its own
begins to crawl up the shingles like Thing from Addams
Family. It looks left, then right, then finally SPOTS the
chimney.
The glove SCRAMBLES like mad for the chimney, jumps up and
pirouettes to go inside the hole.
INT. HOUSE - DUSK
Spencer CHASES Cremulous around the house, throwing wild-ass
haymakers that would utterly cremate the boywhelp if he only
stood still.
Instead, his ducks, dodges and weaves--clearly honed from
years of VR gaming--allow him to slip out of Spencer’s surly
bonds, and the fists careen into the walls, cabinets and
paintings of pasta.
DAD
AIN’T NO PROM FOR YOU, LITTLE
CREMULOUS! AIN’T NO SLOW DANCE IN
YOUR FUTURE! YOU GON’ DANCE WITH
THE DEVIL BEFORE YOU EVER PUT YOUR
FUTURISTIC FINGERS ON MY SWEET
SHANON!
Sherlock Bones, true to her namesake as a crafty clever girl,
artfully lays a trap by pulling her leash taught across a
railing.
Cremulous TRIPS OVER THE LEASH AND FALLS INTO THE LIVING
ROOM.
Spence is ON TOP OF CREMULOUS IN A FLASH. He’s pinned and
sure to be destroyed.
With a hammer blow from both meaty hamhooks of his, clasped
together, Spence SMASHES Cremulous right in the HTC visor,
breaking it in half.
Cremulous’ nose starts to bleed. One more will surely finish
him.
Shanon comes downstairs. Her hair is completely burnt off.
SHANON
What the--DAD!
Dad STOPS. He looks at his little girl all dressed up for
prom. She looks like a grownup, and it takes his breath away.
9.

10. 10.
DAD
My baby Shanon. All grown.
There’s a pause. Everyone knows something special is
happening here. Time is marching on. Babies grow up and they
leave you. It’s sad, but it’s a fact of this big blue planet
we’re all spinning on--
--THE ROOF GLOVE COMES FLYING OUT OF THE CHIMNEY IN THE
LIVING ROOM AND CHOKES SPENCER RIGHT ON THE THROAT.
SHANON
Daddy!
Spencer rears up off of Cremulous and swings around wildly,
grasping at his throat. Try as he might--and man, is this dad
beefed up with that old man strength--he cannot pry the
wretched robotics from his throat. Machine is defeating man.
Shanon SCREAMS but can do nothing.
Cremulous slowly gets up. We see only one eye through the
wreckage of his HTC Vive visor, which is still strapped
(barely) to his head. It is an unblinking eye, bloodshot and
staring straight at the murder scene unfolding before him.
SHANON (CONT'D)
DO SOMETHING!
Cremulous looks at her. Then at her dad, face purpling from
the struggle.
He does nothing. The glove CRACKS Spencer’s neck and the big
man goes down, face-first into the shrimp spread in that
fanciful cream room.
The body is cold and the shrimp is hot.
The glove pulls itself off the throat of its victim and turns
to look at Cremulous. Then Shanon.
It FLIES out of the open window into the dusklight.
CREMULOUS
Soooo you--still want to--go to--
CUT TO:
EXT. HOUSE - DUSK
Cremulous knocks on the driver window of the limousine. It
rolls down in another fabulous PLUME of that burning corncob
pipetreat.
10.

11. 11.
CREMULOUS
I killed him.
DRIVER
What?
CREMULOUS
The glove. Killed him. Because of
the shrimp dip.
DRIVER
Hey man. Happens to all of us. You
going to prom still?
CREMULOUS
Nah, I just got broken up with,
thought I might slam a Dew, find my
glove--
DRIVER
Tight, tight. Hey man. Take a hit
of this. It’ll change your life.
Cremulous could use that right now. He takes the pipe and
inhales.
DRIVER (CONT'D)
It’s corncob. You gotta hold it in
your lungs for a bit.
Cremulous nods, it definitely burns a bit but he likes it.
Then he lets it out, smiling! An instant cornconvert.
The smoke from his breath FILLS THE SCREEN, UNTIL IT’S ALL WE
CAN SEE--
SMOKE FADE TO:
EXT. PORCH - DUSK
Cremulous is DEAD ON THE GROUND.
CAMERAMAN
Oh shit--
A glove comes FLYING AT THE CAMERA AND WE CUT TO BLACK.
THE END.
11.