2. MY THESIS
• You and Blondie are both deranged heterosexuals. You
are extremely attracted to her, and she is extremely
attractive. She also may be mildly attracted to you. You
should do this.
3. APPEALING
CHARACTERISTICS
Chart Title
9%
5%
9%
NOT CHOCOLATE
PRETTY
50% RAW SEXUALITY
CINNAMON HAIR
BECAUSE I SAID SO
27%
4. EXAMPLES OF A GIRL
(BLONDIE IS A GIRL)
• This is your ex-
girlfriend
• Blondie is prettier
than her
• Besides, do you
really want to
spend the rest of
your life living
with a
talentless, snobby
, scum of the
earth Hershey’s
bitch?
• Let’s get real, bro
5. GETTING LAID STATS
• Remember
what I said
WITH CHOCOLATE
about
Chocolate?
• Now it’s a
graph
WITH BLONDIE
0% 50% 100% 150% 200%
6. DEFINITION OF
MARRIAGE
• MARRIAGE (NOUN) – BEING FOREVER TRAPPED IN AN
UNHOLY STATE OF DISTRESS WITH A BITCH YOU
AREN’T EVEN ATTRACTED TO ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU
BOTH STARTED HATING EACH OTHER WHEN YOU
STOPPED HAVING SEX
• MARRIAGE WITH BLONDIE (NOUN) – FINDING YOURSELF
IN A STATE OF PERPETUAL BLISS BECAUSE YOUR WIFE
IS A FLAWLESS GIROUX WOMEN WITH BLUE EYES AND
HAIR THAT SMELLS LIKE CINNAMON. PLUS, SHE WANTS
TO SUCK YOUR DICK LIKE NOBODY’S BUSINESS AND
HAVE SEX MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY, AND TOO MUCH SEX
HAS NEVER BEEN A PROBLEM FOR YOU.
7. PROS AND CONS
PROS CONS
SEX ROCKS YOU MIGHT END UP HATING
EACHOTHER
BLONDIE ROCKS HER DAD MIGHT THINK
YOU’RE SLUTTY
BLONDIE HAS BREASTS HOW ARE YOU GOING TO
RESPOND TO A FUCKING
POWERPOINT
IT WOULD BE REALLY ONE DAY, HER BODY MIGHT
AWKWARD IF YOU BE SO DISGUSTING YOU ARE
REJECTED MY POWERPOINT RENDERED IMPOTENT
YOU WILL NEVER BE SAD NO MORE CONS. PROS
OUTWEIGH CONS.
8. CELEBRITY
TESTIMONIAL
“My name is
Chandler
Jacques, a French
fashion designer,
and I am here to
tell you that this
girl is incredibly
attractive and will
not stalk you
and/or murder
your dog.”
