Powerpoint Presentation by Jayadeva de Silva which highlights few key points from Dr John Gray's book.New Psychology concepts to be validated through social research methods.Useful for students in management specially those involved in counselling people

1. Men are from Mars
Women are from Venus
Presented by Jayadeva de Silva
Few useful ideas for Men and women from Dr John Gray’s book

4.  Once upon a time Martians and Venusians
met, fell in love, and had happy
relationships together because they
respected and accepted their differences.
 Then they came to Earth and amnesia set
in: they forgot they were from different
planets.

5.  Based on years of successful counseling of
couples and individuals, Men Are from Mars,
Women Are from Venus has helped millions of
couples transform their relationships.
 Now viewed as a modern classic, this
phenomenal book has helped men and women
realize how different they really are and how to
communicate their needs in such a way that
conflict doesn't arise and intimacy is given every
chance to grow.

6.  An example of the theories it offers is that
women complain about problems because
they want their problems to be
acknowledged,
 while men complain about problems
because they are asking for solutions.

7.  Other concepts in the book are the
difference between women and men's
point systems and how they react under
stress.

8.  Gray suggests that men and women count
(or score) the giving and receiving of love
differently.
 Men tend to give larger blocks of points
(20, 30, 40 points etc.) for what they think
are Big Acts, while women give each act
of love one point at a time.

9.  According to Gray, women tend to keep a Points
System that few men are aware of.
 Men and women each monitor the amount of
give and take in a relationship and if the balance
becomes off and one person feels they have
given more than they have been given to,
resentment flu develops.
 This is a time when communication is very
important to help bring the relationship back
into balance.

10. Example:
 A man might count a Rs2000 present as
20 points and helping her to carry a heavy
bag as 1 point (or he may not even assign
any point to the latter),
 but a woman may count these acts as
only 1 point each.

11.  For her, the total sum of points comes from different
aspects.
 For example: - the different parts of the environment
where the present is given each get 1 point (candles,
music, privacy, location etc.)
 - the card gets 1 point,
 - flowers get 1 point,
 - if he tells her "I love you" in the morning it is 1 point,
 - if he sincerely takes a moment to notice her and tells
her "You look beautiful" in the evening it is 1 point,
 - if he hugs her, it is 1 point,
 - the gift itself gets 1 point.

12.  Men and women are often surprised to
find the scoring method is different.
 Most men are not even aware that all
women "keep score".

13.  The emotional stroke delivered by the
sincere attention is as important as the
value of the item.
 This can lead to conflict when a man
thinks his work has earned 20 points and
deserves appropriate recognition while the
female has only given him 1 point and
recognizes him accordingly.

14.  Men tend to think they can do one Big
Thing for her (scoring 50 points) and not
do anything else.
 They assume the woman will be satisfied
with it.

15.  To the woman, she would rather have
many many Little Acts on a regular basis.
 The reason is that women like to think
their man is thinking of them and cares for
them on a regular basis.

16. The cave and the wave
 Another major point of Gray's books are the
differences in the way they react under stress.
 He believes that many men withdraw until they
find a solution to the problem.
 He refers to this as "retreating into their cave."
 In some cases they may literally retreat, for
example, to the garage or spend time with
friends.
 The point of retreating is to take time to
determine a solution.

17.  What is known is that men in their caves
are not necessarily focused on the
problem at hand, many times this is a
"time-out" of sorts to allow them to
distance themselves from the problems so
their brains can focus on something else.
 Gray posits that this allows them to revisit
the problem later with a fresh perspective.

18.  Gray holds that this retreat into the cave
has historically been hard for women to
understand because when they are
stressed their natural reaction is to talk
about issues (even if talking does not
solve the problem).

19.  This leads to a natural dynamic of the
man retreating as the woman tries to
grow closer.
 According to Gray this becomes a major
source of conflict between any man and
woman.

20.  The "wave" is a term Gray uses to describe a
natural cycle for women that is centered around
their abilities to give to other people.
 He claims that when they feel full of love and
energy to give to others their wave is in a stable
place.
 As they give to others (and don't receive the
same amount of love and attention given to
them in return) their wave begins to grow until it
eventually crashes.

21.  This is a time when a woman needs the love,
listening, understanding and reassurance of
those around her (including self love).
 Gray holds that once she is rejuvenated (by
getting the support she needs) she is able to
rise like a wave and once again has love and
energy to give.
 Men must support this natural cycle by not
being threatened by it or telling her why she
should not feel this way.

22.  Men can simply listen to her, constantly
reassure her of
 his love/commitment/monogamy or take
a few chores off her back (just a few
simple chores will do).

23.  Most men get threatened because they
think, "Why can't she be happy?"
 or think she is blaming him, but that is not
the case.