2. SUMMARY OF CHAPTER NINETEEN
•
JOAN TELLS ESTHER SHE PLANS TO BECOME A PSYCHIATRIST. SHE WILL BE LEAVING BELSIZE TO LIVE WITH A NURSE IN CAMBRIDGE. EVEN
THOUGH ESTHER IS DUE TO LEAVE THE HOSPITAL FOR WINTER SEMESTER AT COLLEGE.
•
WHILE ON TOWN LEAVE, ESTHER MEETS A MATH PROFESSOR NAMED IRWIN ON THE STEPS OF THE LIBRARY AT HARVARD. THEY HAVE
COFFEE TOGETHER, AND THEN SHE GOES TO HIS APARTMENT FOR A BEER. A WOMAN NAMED OLGA RINGS THE BELL. SHE SEEMS TO BE A
SOMETIME LOVER OF IRWIN‟S, BUT HE SENDS HER AWAY.
•
ESTHER AND IRWIN GO OUT FOR DINNER, AND SHE GETS PERMISSION FROM DR. NOLAN TO SPEND THE NIGHT IN CAMBRIDGE BY SAYING SHE
PLANS TO SLEEP AT JOAN‟S APARTMENT. ESTHER THINKS THAT IRWIN WOULD BE A GOOD PERSON TO SLEEP WITH. HE IS INTELLIGENT,
EXPERIENCED, AND UNKNOWN. SHE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH AN “IMPERSONAL, PRIESTLIKE OFFICIAL, AS IN THE TALES OF TRIBAL RITES.”
WHEN THEY RETURN TO IRWIN‟S APARTMENT AND HAVE SEX, SHE EXPECTS TO FEEL TRANSFORMED, BUT MERELY FEELS SHARP PAIN.
•
ESTHER REALIZES THAT SHE IS BLEEDING. SHE WORRIES, BUT IRWIN REASSURES HER, AND SHE REMEMBERS STORIES ABOUT VIRGINS
BLEEDING ON THEIR WEDDING NIGHT. THE BLEEDING DOES NOT STOP, HOWEVER, AND ESTHER BANDAGES HERSELF WITH A TOWEL AND
ASKS IRWIN TO DRIVE HER TO JOAN‟S APARTMENT.
•
ESTHER SHOWS JOAN HER PROBLEM, JOAN DOES NOT SUSPECT THE REAL STORY, AND TAKES HER TO THE HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM IN
A TAXICAB. THE DOCTOR EXAMINES ESTHER AND EXPRESSES SURPRISE, SAYING THAT SUCH BLOOD LOSS AFTER THE FIRST SEXUAL
ENCOUNTER IS EXTREMELY RARE. HE STOPS THE BLEEDING. SEVERAL NIGHTS LATER, A WOMAN NAMED DR. QUINN KNOCKS ON ESTHER‟S
DOOR.
•
JOAN, WHO HAS RETURNED TO THE ASYLUM, IS MISSING. ESTHER DOES NOT KNOW WHERE SHE IS. SHE WAKES THE NEXT MORNING TO THE
NEWS THAT JOAN HANGED HERSELF IN THE WOODS
3. PAGE 214 - 215
• „JOAN CHATTERED ON ABOUT EGOS AND IDS, AND I TURNED MY MIND TO SOMETHING ELSE,
TO THE BROWN, UNWRAPPED PACKAGE IN MY BOTTOM DRAWER‟ – ESTHER COMES ACROSS
AS SEEMING UNINTERESTED IN THE LIFE OF OTHERS AND GETTING DISTRACTED AND
DRIFTING OFF INTO HER OWN IMAGINATION.
• „.. IM GOING TO LIVE OUT, NOW. I TURNED IN ON JOAN THEN. „WHERE?‟ I DEMANDED, TRYING
TO HIDE MY ENVY‟- ESTHER SEEN AS JEALOUS , THE FACT JOAN HAS A FREE PASS TO SOON
LEAVE THE ASYLUM AND GET ON WITH HER LIFE, WHILE ESTHER IS STUCK IN THE SAME
PLACE NOT KNOWING IF SHE'S GETTING ANY BETTER.
• „I THOUGHT I WOULD ALWAYS TREASURE JOAN. IT WAS AS IF WE HAD BEEN FORCED
TOGETHER BY SOME WORLD OF OUR OWN.‟ -
4. PAGE 216 •
„I
HESITATED I WAS DUE AT THE ASYLUM FOR SUPPER AND I DIDN‟T WANT TO BE LATE SO CLOSE TO BEING
SIGNED OUT OF THERE FOR GOOD.‟ -
• „I DECIDED TO PRACTISE MY NEW, NORMAL PERSONALITY ON THIS MAN….‟ – CREATING AN IDENTITY THAT
WASN‟T HER USUAL SELF BUT SOMEONE WHO CAN ADAPT TO THE ROLE SHE COULDN‟T ENGAGE WITH.
• „ I FELT THE MAN I SLEPT WITH MUST BE INTELLIGENT , SO I WOULD RESPECT HIM. IRWIN WAS A FULL
PROFESSOR AT TWENTY SIX AND HAD THE PALE HAIRLESS SKIN OF A BOY GENIUS …‟ – HER IDEAL MAN TO
SLEEP WITH, ESTHER SLOWLY DRIFITNG AWAY FROM HER MORAL AND ADAPTING TO THIS NEW INDIVIDUAL
SHE HAS CREATED.
• „…BUDDY WILLARD MY VIRGINITY WEIGHED LIKE A MILLSTONE AROUND MY NECK‟ – SINCE BUDDY WILLARD
ESTHER HAD ALWAYS CHERISHED HER VIRGINITY BUT SOME HOW NOW ITS BECOME A BURDEN TO CARRY
ON HOLDING ON TO.
• „…..ENORMOUS IMPORTANCE TO ME FOR SO LONG THAT MY HABIT WAS TO DEFEND IT AT ALL COST…‟ –
ESTHER SEES IT AS AN IMPORTANT PART OF A WOMAN'S LIFE AND IT HOLDS GREAT IMPORTANCE'S TO A
WOMAN.
• „… I SMILED INTO THE DARK. I FELT PART OF A GREAT TRADITION „ – ESTHER FEELS APART OF SOCIETY NOW
5. •
„I
THOUGHT HOW FORTUNATE IT WAS I HAD NOT DISCARDED MY VIRGINITY WHILE LIVING AT
COLLEGE OR AT HOME, WHERE SUCH CONCEALMENT WOULD HAVE BEEN IMPOSSIBLE …‟
• „I REMEBERED A WORRISOME COURSE IN THE VICTORIAN NOVEL WHERE WOMAN AFTER WOMAN
DIED, PALELY AND NOBLY, IN TORRENTS OF BLOOD, AFTER A DIFFICULT CHILDBIRTH …‟ –
FORESHADOW DEATH
• „…TRIED TO DROP BACK TO SLEEP, BUT JOANS FACE FLOATED BEFORE ME, BODILESS AND
SMILING, LIKE THE FACE OF THE CHESHIRE CAT ….‟ – HILUSANATION
