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Workplace Mental Health eMag - WorkLife Nov-Dec 2018 Issue - Better Workplace Resilience and Wellbeing
1.
2. W
FROM THE CEOFROM THE CEO
Peter DiazCEO -WorkplaceMental HealthInstitute
WELCOME to our last issue of WorkLife for 2018.
Can you believe it’s almost the end of the year already? Unbelievable! it seems
like yesterday that I was writing to you to wish you a happy and prosperous 2018.
But it’s already December and we are just a couple of weeks away from the New
Year. How are your holiday plans coming along?
Although it can be an exciting and loving season, sadly, for many, it’s also the
Stress Season. I know because it’s the busiest time of year for our mental health
professionals, therapists and coaches. For many of our clients, the busy-ness of
trying to get everything wrapped up by an end -of-year deadline, the financial
stretch that comes with gift giving or travel, family issues, or loneliness can all
make it a difficult time.
So with that in mind I want to offer a reminder to ‘Do unto others as you’d like
them to do to you’. We need to be able to look after each other, it makes for a
strong society. It’s also great advice to drive good mental health. For everyone.
You see, we now know that often people with a mental health problem suffer
from a sense of low status. In other words, they feel that they are of little
consequence or importance to others. That’s a shame, isn’t it. Because a lot of the
people who feel that way, are people who we actually hold very dear to us. But
they don’t know it. They can’t feel it. So what can we do?
Simple, tell them. When was the last time you took the time, intentionally, to
show others how important they are to you? Do so, please, this in itself could
have a healing effect on others and on your relationship with them.
If you yourself are going through a distressing and confusing time, we encourage
you to take advantage of the coming season and focus on giving. Please, give
yourself a gift, and resolve to make others people’s day a little better. It may be a
smile, a hello or even a text of appreciation to someone you may have taken for
granted. And let all of it fill your heart, and experience it’s healing effect for you also.
Of course, I’m not saying that all mental health issues can be solved simply by
love. I’m not. But if it heals just a little, just like the research shows, it does, then
won’t it have been worth it? Maybe you can even share this special issue of
WorkLife?
What you will find in this issue:
- From Bad Boy to Wiser Man, the Mel Gibson story and what we can learn.
- Is your Workplace Ready for Christmas?
- The Art of Accountability Leadership
- Christmas Nutrition for Maximum Energy
- Grudges that won’t budge
I’d love to hear what you thought.
Have a mentally healthy day!
2 WORKLIFE|DECEMBER 2018
3.
4. Mel GibsonThe Road To Redemption
4 WORKLIFE|DECEMBER 2018
Author: Peter Diaz
5. N
Not many people on the planet have not heard of
actor and director Mel Gibson or seen one of his
movies. Love him or hate him, he is a household
name, an iconic figure. Through his art and
storytelling, Mel Gibson continues to have an
impact on the world we live in.
Born in New York, Mel moved to Australia when
he was 12. He studied at NIDA, and shot to fame
starring in Peter Weir’s film, Gallipoli. Since then,
he’s acted in blockbuster films like Mad Max,
Lethal Weapon, The Patriot, What Women Want,
and many others. As a Director and Producer,
he is most well known for his movie Braveheart,
which won a Golden Globe Award and two
Academy Awards.
But, despite all the success, Mel has had some
very public demons. He has received some
well earned criticism over the years. There was
controversy over The Passion of the Christ,
and Apocalypto, films which he directed and
produced. At the same time, he was separating
from his wife of 26 years, with whom he has
seven children. In an attempt to cope with
stress, Mel did what so many people do, and
turned to alcohol. That was his undoing.
So when I had the chance to meet with Mel
recently in Orange County, California, I wasn’t
sure what to expect. On the one hand I don’t
condone his behaviour, on the other hand,
for how long do we punish a person for their
mistakes? I believe in recovery, compassion
and in forgiveness. Life is rarely black and
white. We all have strengths and weaknesses.
Plus, you can’t trust everything you read in the
media, so I was keen to find out for myself.
ON DEALING WITH ADVERSITY
A lot of people seem to bring up your past.
How do you handle the mistakes you’ve
made?
You own them, to begin with. You own your
mistakes. And you pay for them. And you
realise that they have repercussions. You can
hurt people, hurt their feelings. I’ve paid for
them, I’ve done the work. For me, it all stems
from alcohol, which is like career death. Some
people drink, I can’t. So I figured that out. I was
a victim of the old demon alcohol for a long
time. I’m an alcoholic. I don’t drink anymore…
and the beautiful thing about not doing it is,
it’s better on the other side. Once you learn to
live without that crutch, life is quite a beautiful
thing.
What is your best advice for people facing
adversity to successfully overcome them?
It is tricky. You really have to uncover your stuff.
Learn from it, and try to make yourself better. But
the other thing is just to move on and not beat
yourself up too much, because other people will
do it for you anyway.
There was a while back I couldn’t get out of bed,
depression, and who knows. All kinds of things
come to affect you. But it passes. Everything
passes. I mean I had a rough decade, but I always
just kept going. Just keep waking up. And keep
breathing. That’s a good policy - wake up every
morning even if you don’t want to.
ON FEAR and COURAGE
You’ve taken some big risks at different
stages in your career, and faced fear. What
advice do you have for people who may be
afraid to chase their potential?
I tell my kids that ‘the worst thing you can do is
fall on your face and fail, so what? Try again.’ Step
up to the plate no matter how terrifying.
One of my greatest fears is public speaking. At
school I stayed at the back of the room and was
pretty quiet, but going to acting school allowed
me a place to express myself and face the great
possibility of failing. Everyone failed. So I was
asked to speak and I was terrified but I would do
it. And gradually when you’re still breathing and
you survive afterwards.
Once you learn to
live without that
crutch, life is quite a
beautiful thing
5WORKLIFE|DECEMBER 2018
6. You may make a fool of yourself. I was taught
that early on in my acting career - that I would
fail, and I did fail a lot. So I became calloused to
constructive criticism and hardened up a bit. And
when you just keep facing them, you find out
they’re mostly just paper tigers.
ON SUCCESS
Mel, what are the secrets to success?
Try to pursue excellence. I didn’t start out
thinking ‘Gee I’m gonna be [successful]…but of
course you want to be successful at whatever
you walk up to. You walk up to the plate and
swing. But I understood from an early time, that
I just needed to be really good at what I did. But
I don’t consider myself a great actor. I’m ok, I get
by. I prefer directing. The whole storytelling craft
is my expertise.
Were you driven by money?
No. I just wasn’t. I was raised with 10 brothers
and sisters, and my family wasn’t wealthy.
There were financial difficulties but they never
complained. I asked my Dad and he said it
doesn’t matter what you make, because whatever
it is you’ll live to just beyond your means. So I
always took that into consideration when I was
making one thing as a student, on $100 a month,
to pay rent, food and carfare, tuition, everything.
It was difficult. But I thought it was a king’s
ransom.
So what do you think got you to where you
are today?
Get really good help. People who have strengths
that you do not. Like I have a business partner
who I’ve known since I was 24 years old, this guy
in Australia and I. And he just knows stuff and
I’ve learned from him cause it’s kinda rubbed off.
I’ve had some incredible mentors, and some
of the best people are really brutal in terms of
constructive criticism. They are able to get to the
heart of things pretty quick. I had a teacher when
I was young and she was really tough, but it made
you want to please her, so she was great.
ON WORK/LIFE
How do you manage your time with your
work and family?
It’s not easily done. It’s a real juggling match and
you have look at your life and actually sit down
and think about it. Slice it up like a pie. Apportion
time. Make an effort to keep all these things in
motion and mean something. Because it’s your
life. I remember one time my wife was saying
‘but you’re gonna be away!’ and I thought ‘she’s
right, we don’t have a life if I’m off in north Africa
working’, so I had to actually let things go that I
wanted to do badly. And I said “OK. I don’t want
to be The Gladiator”. You let jobs go that you
really want for your family. I’m happy I made
those decisions, really happy! So in a way you’re
robbing from both sides.
Then we took a picture together, which was a
nice experience. As time has gone by, the more
I think about it, Mel Gibson has done things
wrong. Especially under the influence of alcohol.
But he seems to have done what he needed to
do to correct his life. What do you think? Do we
use compassion here? I think so.
Wake up every
morning even if you
don’t want to
6 WORKLIFE|DECEMBER 2018
7. A
At this time of year many organisations are
in wind down mode with people planning to
take leave around school and public holidays.
Whether your staff is staying at work or taking
holidays, here are some tips to use the next few
weeks more effectively and avoid some missteps.
Planning
At this time, it’s reasonable to assume that many
may be feeling a sense of urgency to get projects
finished and many may be going on leave. This is
a time where you will need proper preparation
and clear delegation to avoid unnecessary
problems later.
If you are a manager, and workloads naturally
diminish in your workplace, it might be a
good time to remind people who have a lot of
accumulated leave to take some time off.
Some workplaces will need to function through
the holiday season (and for those in emergency
services, may get even busier). If this is the case,
think about fair access to leave and the provision
of overtime.
Communicate what is expected of those who are
still working and any changes that need to be put
in place to cope with increases or decreases in
workloads. Allow for some additional flexibility. If
service levels are to be reduced or wait times are
likely to increase, don’t forget to communicate
this to clients.
If you have a gift giving custom at work,
remember that many cultures don’t celebrate
Christmas so gift buying should not be forced on
anyone. If you are in a workplace where people
chose to participate, some guidelines around
what is appropriate can be useful.
A Word on Office Parties
An employer’s duty of care to take reasonable
steps to identify and reduce potential risks to
employees extends to after-hours functions.
Since the consumption of alcohol is likely
in these functions, the usual rules around
acceptable behaviours should be re-stated at
this time.
Don’t serve alcohol without making food and
non-alcoholic drinks available. If someone does
become intoxicated you may need to step in to
intervene. Designate someone to keep an eye
on this.
Just because an event is conducted ‘off-site’ also
doesn’t mean normal workplace policies relating
to bullying, discrimination and sexual harassment
don’t apply. The danger of questionable social
media posts can also be minimised by ensuring
everyone is reminded of your policy here.
If you are having an event out of town or where
people will have to commute, think about
organising transport options for staff whether
that’s minibus, taxi, Uber or car-pooling.
If you are working in HR note that not taking
action on legitimate complaints promptly can
have negative consequences so know the policy
and act on any complaints swiftly.
Author: James Judge
James Judge is the
Director of Australian
Human Resources
Professionals, and
Adjunct Associate
Professor at the
University of Canberra.
Ready for Christmas?”
7WORKLIFE|DECEMBER 2018
Contact James:
admin@wmhi. com.au
8. I
“I’ve just got seven things
left on my list that I have
to tick off before your
family arrives tomorrow.
The trampoline needs to
be put together tonight
after the kids go to bed, the
seafood has to be picked
up from the docks – make
sure you’re there nice and
early please and choose the
freshest looking prawns, oh
and don’t forget to pick up
ice – most of the presents
are wrapped and in the big
trunk in the garden shed,
which I will need to bring
inside tonight, but I still
have Aaron’s and Emily’s
gifts to wrap. I need to
vacuum at some point,
and then I can go to bed
before the kids are up at
who knows what hour this
year. Remind me, please,
to take the wine out of the
beer fridge. Did you put
the spare mattress in the
kid’s play room for your
brother?”
“I’ll do it tomorrow.”
Sigh
“Honey, if it isn’t done
now I don’t know when I’m
going to find time to put on
the linen before everyone
arrives.”
“Babe, I don’t know why
you always go to so much
trouble, it doesn’t really
matter whether there are
sheets on the bed. He’s
a grown man, he can put
them on himself. Can’t
we just chill and have a
relaxing time at Christmas
for once?”
Silence.
Resentment.
Impatience.
8 WORKLIFE|DECEMBER 2018
The
Fight Before
ChristmasAuthor: Alison Skate
9. Have you ever heard this conversation, or
been a part of it? For a lot of people, mostly
adults, Christmas is not a time of excitement,
joy, connection and family, despite intentions
and efforts. Paradoxically, the more we set
intentions and put effort into this occasion, the
more stressful it can become. The misalignment
between what we envision and the reality,
or what we want and what other family
members are hoping for, can create bottled up
frustration, ready to explode.
Planning and compassionate discussion
regarding the more common issues in the
lead up to Christmas (or any family oriented
gathering where pressure is typically high) can
help to address some of the challenges openly
before they reach boiling point.
Financial Constraints
Marketing teams employed by consumer
brands are exceptionally good at associating
their products with joyful, cohesive and
loving families. This emotional manipulation
may influence some householders more than
others, creating a mismatch in what budget is
necessary to achieve a ‘happy’ Christmas. The
earlier this topic is discussed, the more likely it
is that all parties involved will be able to find a
middle-ground.
Plan in January? Absolutely! Budget a fraction
of the costs each week all year to save for a
gourmet family lunch with all the trimmings,
napkins, new glass-ware – as long as it is within
the budget that has been agreed upon. Once
the budget has been established, honour the
agreement by not going over it, or trying to use
it for other expenses unless there is no other
option.
Gifts are another area where emotionally
driven purchases can create financial pressure.
Consider gifting experiences and your time, like
vouchers for fishing excursions, teaching a craft
that others have admired, or bottling up your
famous spicy tomato chutney for gifts.
Blended Family Christmas
Festive occasions are not the time to be scoring
political points, or challenging the different
ways that parents and step-parents are raising
families. Early planning and compassionate
discussion play a part in this challenge, too.
Establish the schedule as early as possible to
allow families to arrange travel, accommodation
and other expenses.
Ask your children and step children about
their preferred arrangements to let them
have a voice in the process where flexibility is
possible. Co-operative parenting requires a lot
of communication, so be willing to ask for some
boundaries to be observed in the gift-giving
stakes.
Warring Parties
When there is tension between family
members throughout the year, it’s unlikely
that Christmas would be any different without
some careful preparations. There are a number
of ways to keep the pressure to a low simmer,
instead of a raging boil.
Sometimes the best way of keeping the peace
is to keep those who don’t get along apart
for much of the time. Consider a progressive
celebration – lunch with some of the family,
Christmas dinner with another branch, perhaps
even a Christmas eve celebration with others.
Cap the amount of alcohol available, and try
to offer non-alcoholic drinks before the meal
is served. It’s not often that we would drink
a beer or wine before lunch at other times of
the year. Why change that on Christmas day,
particularly as alcohol so quickly removes the
social inhibitions that keep us behaving more
appropriately?
Plan for post-lunch activity, like back-yard
cricket, frisbee, a splash in the pool, or board
games. Keeping guests engaged in enjoyable
(perhaps non-competitive) activities and games
can be a good way of bringing people together
for a while without the burden of their history
or grudges.
Perhaps most importantly, try to maintain some
perspective on the day’s events. Acceptance
of others (and ourselves), with our flaws and
differences, is one of the kindest gifts we could
ever give.
9WORKLIFE|DECEMBER 2018
10. A
10 WORKLIFE|DECEMBER 2018
A senior executive I was
recently coaching was sharing
her frustration in having to
chase her people for work that
she’d delegated, she was of the
belief that her people didn’t
share her sense of urgency and
she was beginning to question
their capability. As we dug a
little deeper, it became evident
that the way in which she was
delegating or ‘hand-balling’
these tasks was potentially
setting her people up for failure
and was ultimately creating
dissatisfaction across the team
and lowering morale.
So, the first question I had my
coachee ask herself was ‘What
is it that I am or am not doing
that is contributing to this
problem?’.
We’ve all been there, when
we’re ‘busy being busy’ we can
overlook the power of holding
our mirror up and reflecting on
how our own behaviour may be
impacting our peoples’ ability
to achieve the outcomes we
require.
So, we looked at the structure
of how she was approaching
LOOKING
THROUGH THE
ACCOUNTABILITY
LENS
11. 11WORKLIFE|DECEMBER 2018
her delegation and asked the
following questions.
Am I delegating in a planned
and constructive way or am
I hand-balling and hoping
for the best?
Am I delegating the
appropriate task to the
appropriate person in my
team?
Is there clarity around
accountability and success
measures?
As a result, we identified an
approach that supported
individuals’ capability and
empowered them to take
ownership so that she could
get on with leading rather than
chasing. Here are the 5 things
we implemented.
1. Planning
Take a moment (and sometimes
that’s all you need) to
determine what’s the outcome
that needs to be achieved, by
when and by whom…and then
work backwards.
2. Determine the most
appropriate person for the
task
Ensure that you’ve checked
in with your unconscious
bias when delegating, in my
experience leaders frequently
delegate to the team members
they know will achieve the
result in the way they want. The
problem with this is that it can
be viewed as favouritism, a lack
of trust or even low commitment
to authentic relationships in the
team, let alone the stress from
an increased workload of the
trusted few.
3. Commitment to success
measures
All too often we finish with
handing the task over and this
is where it ends, frustration is
ultimately imminent when this
is the case. Make sure that you
both know ownership has been
handed over to the delegate,
clear agreement frames have
been created and be sure they
know the task is now their
responsibility and that they are
committed to reporting ‘up’
to you rather than you having
to chase. Be mindful to not
accept superficial commitment -
sometimes we have our ‘happy
ears’ on and believe that people
will do what they say. Gaining
full commitment by ensuring
the delegate is responsible for
creating the timelines within
your expectations is the key to
both your success and that they
are crystal clear that if they run
into trouble or need further
information that it’s their
responsibility to communicate
with you in a timely manner.
4. Set your people up for
success
Make sure that you have
awareness around how your
team are moving towards the
delegated outcomes and lead
accordingly. Empower them
positively so that they feel
motivated to be successful,
potentially even innovative.
Make sure you have ‘subtle’
touch points along the way with
enough time to ensure you can
mitigate any problems should
you need too.
5. Don’t rescue
Leaders can often find
themselves recuing when
deadlines get pushed and end up
completing unfinished delegated
tasks for members of their team.
From a leadership perspective
this may be a lack of confidence
in having difficult conversations,
holding people to deadlines or
perhaps the late realisation the
team member isn’t yet competent
at the task and it becomes easier
to do it yourself, which ultimately
disempowers your people. At this
moment you need to check-in
with we call having a ‘need for
approval or the need to be liked’.
Ensure you are in the right mindset
to approach each situation so that
the development of your team
member is front of mind, ask them
great questions about the task,
rather than bailing them out.
These actions in essence are
part of a situational leadership
approach to motivating and
leading your team, where some
people, depending on their
capability and commitment to a
task, require different levels of
guidance from you. So next time
you feel frustrated that your
people aren’t delivering what you
want, hold the mirror up and see
what you can potentially change
to get a different and potentially
better result.
Kylie Mamouney is a corporate coach
with 20 years’ experience, specialising
in Neuroleadership. Contact Kylie:
admin@wmhi.com.au
12. F
Mathew Skate, a fitness trainer
and nutrition coach for the
past 16 years, and Alison Skate,
Workplace Mental Health
Expert, provide tips to navigate
the challenges without missing
out on the cheer.
Sleep Disruption
Mat says: Sleep is one of the
best things you can do to
assist the body to repair after
vigorous exercise and maintain
a long-term wellness plan. Put
personal boundaries in place to
ensure you are in bed, without
television or other screens as
a distraction, for at least seven
hours of rest.
Alison says: Christmas parties,
travel, and the inevitable 5am
start on Christmas day for
those with young children, are
all likely to negatively impact
on the amount and quality of
sleep you get at this time of the
year. Sleep plays an important
function in mental and physical
health, particularly the deep
sleep stage that we tend to
experience between 2am and
4am. Things to avoid in the
two hours before going to bed
to enhance the quality of your
sleep include alcohol and blue-
screen devices like laptops and
phones.
Exercise Motivation
Mat says: It’s easy to fall off
the exercise wagon during the
festive season. With so many
things going on, plan your days
to include consistent exercise.
It’s OK to do a little bit less
exercise, but remain consistent.
For example, if you normally
exercise four times per week,
even two sessions per week will
help you maintain your general
fitness.
Alison says: Exercise plays
an important role in your
mental health – both from the
perspective of resilience and
recovery. Engaging in light to
moderate exercise (whether
it is sneaking away from the
extended family to get to the
gym or just taking a walk after
dinner) maintains a buffer zone
that allows you to enjoy this
For many people, Christmas is a
time to gather with family and
friends to relax, exchange gifts,
eat pudding and drink just a
little too much cheer.
This is a time when our day
to day routine can drastically
change. We find ourselves
neglecting the routines we have
established throughout the
year that keep us physically and
emotionally resilient.
Surviving
Christmas
with your
health intact
12 WORKLIFE|DECEMBER 2018
13. time of year, and not become the Christmas
Grinch.
Indulgence
Mat says: Overindulging is the deal breaker
when it comes to maintaining a healthy weight;
Christmas calories always seem to be far greater
than any other time of year. Drink lots of water to
avoid confusing the feelings of dehydration with
hunger. By all means, enjoy some of the festive
foods, but select small portions to enjoy a ‘taste’
without filling up.
Alison says: Over-indulgence can cost more than
a couple of extra kilos. Christmas is a time to
enjoy the company you’re with, and limiting the
consumption of alcohol may be a necessary part
of ensuring everyone enjoys the day. Provide
a range of non-alcoholic drinks that still feel
special – sparkling juice, quality tonic water, or
mocktails can help people feel included without
the intoxication. Jugs of iced water encourage
everyone to alternate water with alcoholic drinks.
Family Friction
Mat says: When extended family are gathered,
the walls can seem a little closer than normal. To
create space plan some family-friendly activities.
Bike rides, beach visits, and bush walks all provide
an opportunity to connect whilst engaging in
activities that will get your endorphins flowing,
ensuring that the activity is not only healthy
but also a good way to create family bonds.
Remember to enjoy some ‘me time’ too.
Alison says: Family dynamics are created
long before Christmas day, so there is often
an expectation of judgement or disapproval
before the door bell is even pressed. There is no
personal growth in seeking ‘approval’, but finding
a sense of ‘acceptance’ can be the greatest gift
you’ll ever give yourself at Christmas. And that
goes in all directions –acceptance of others,
acceptance of how they see you, acceptance of
who they may once have been and who they may
become. We don’t have to approve of another
person’s behaviours or choices to be able to
accept them. And above all, accept yourself; give
yourself a break, you’re doing the best you can.
These are your four Christmas wellness tips in a
nutshell – sleep well, move often, eat and drink
mindfully, and relate non-judgementally.
Mathew Skate is a Fitness, Strength and Metabolic
Nutrition consultant in Brisbane, Queensland. Alison
Skate is a Workplace Mental Health Expert. The two
have been supporting mind and body health for a
combined total of nearly five decades. Contact Alison or
Mathew: admin@wmhi.com.au
13WORKLIFE|DECEMBER 2018
14. I
It was your idea, but someone else falsely claimed
it as their own. A colleague has been promoted
ahead of you, even though they have been with
the company for far less time. A co-worker is
dragging their heels on a joint project and you
keep picking up the slack. Whether fair or unfair,
justified or not, sometimes we just hold a grudge
against someone in the workplace – and not to
our own benefit. Here are four actions to release
the burden of a grudge that won’t budge.
Address the concerns directly
Grudges are the silent predator, constantly
filtering experiences with the aim to provide
further evidence that you’ve been wronged, or
that someone meets the characteristics that
you’ve ascribed to them. The longer you wait to
address it, the more likely it is that your evidence
will make this challenging. Prepare yourself for
a conversation (not a verbal standoff!) with the
other person, and approach it with the intention
of reconnecting with a new understanding. There
may be information that is unknown to you that
will only come to light once discussed without
prejudice. Also, accept that there may not be a
satisfactory outcome – and that you may have
to release the grudge without an apology or
acknowledgement of any kind from the other
person.
Assess the cost to you
Some people are jerks. Why should you let that
cause you any pain? When we hold a grudge –
even if there is a good reason to feel wronged
– we replay the story over and over in our
minds each time we interact with that person.
This in turn releases adrenaline and cortisol as
we recreate the experience neurologically. We
experience the wrong-doing repeatedly both
neurologically and emotionally when we hold a
grudge and this response, over time, can lead to
other behavioural and physiological changes that
are unlikely to be in your best interest.
Consider the gains
Consider what you can learn
from the experience that has
caused the grudge – how are
you now wiser, more prepared,
or more experienced as a result?
Silently thank your colleague
for showing you the strengths
you’ve developed.
Give yourself a break
Consider how much of your
mental and physical energy is
being directed towards keeping
this grudge. What if you could
channel that energy and focus
towards your projects at work,
or in building other collegiate
networks? It’s not about
getting even, or even leveling
the score, it’s about giving yourself the gift of
walking away from a battle – that probably only
exists within you.
14 WORKLIFE|DECEMBER 2018
GRUDGES
THAT WON’T
BUDGE