4. “When you are living an
authentic life full of purpose,
there is no competition.”
T. Reneé Smith
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INTRODUCTION
The savvy female entrepreneur wants it all: a
successful business, a solid marriage, well-rounded
kids, a healthy body, a clean house, a fabulous
wardrobe, and “to die for” stilettos. She is
empowered, bold, driven, and above all, a
superwoman. She takes the bull by the horns to
accomplish her goals but often loses herself and the
passion that inspired her to be an entrepreneur. As a
result, she experiences burnout, often has limited cash
flow, and is overwhelmed with managing the day-to-
day business operations.
Can you see yourself in this description? Are you
losing sleep, missing family events, spreading yourself
too thin in business, or worrying about increasing
revenues? Do you have a vision of accomplishing
great things in your business but for some reason lack
the traction to get it done? If you answered yes to any
of these questions, you are not alone. As a busy
entrepreneur, wife, and mom of two active young boys
and an adult daughter, I know exactly how you feel.
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My journey has been a life lesson on how to balance
womanhood, motherhood, and wifehood (did I just
create a word?) while running a successful business. I
have been at the brink of divorce because my
business was my first love, and I have beaten myself
up as a mom because I didn’t spend enough time with
my children. I’ve been there, done that, and bought
way too many t-shirts.
Through coaching, accountability, and doing the
work, today I am a wife, an engaged mom of three,
and a superstar business owner who rocks stilettos,
sweats, and suits.
In this case, stilettos represent your personal life and
self-care, sweats represent family and marriage and
suits represent business. My life philosophy is simple:
You can live your authentic life, and when you are
living your authentic life, there is no competition.
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MY STORY
I may not be the type of person you think of when
you imagine someone with low self-esteem, major
insecurities, and paralyzing fear. Well, if you look
back many years ago, that was the person staring at
me in the mirror. At nineteen, I thought I’d met my
knight in shining armor; he was seven years my
senior. We built several successful businesses together
and enjoyed a life of luxury, including million dollar
homes, expensive cars, exotic vacations, and designer
clothes.
And then one day, things changed. Unexpectedly, the
phone rang at 2:00 am, and I was dethroned as queen;
the fairytale was over. I found out my knight in
shining armor was married. His new wife (of four
months) was pregnant and was expecting their first
child. My life spiraled out of control. I had supported,
loved, and placed this man first in my life for more
than a decade. I had alienated my family, endured
mental and verbal abuse, and placed my life on hold
so he could pursue his dreams.
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That may sound bad, but it gets worst. Fast forward a
few months, and I found myself on the wrong side of
the law. I lost everything.
The beginning of my 30s did not start off well. I
spent my thirtieth birthday in a theater, by myself,
watching Tyler Perry’s Diary of Mad Black Woman. I
cried and had a good ole pity party. Nevertheless, I
am here to tell you that the end of my 30s were
rocking. I spent my thirty-ninth birthday spoiling
myself at the spa and having dinner with my amazing
husband and kids.
It is possible for you to go through hardships of
abuse, infidelity, bankruptcy, molestation, divorce, a
failed business, abortions, prison, and failure and still
start anew. Yes, I say start anew versus start over.
You have gained wisdom from every situation that
you have ever been in. Therefore, every experience
you had is a lesson or stepping stone that you can use
to start a new life today.
I established several principles to help me start anew,
and those same principles will help you on your
journey of living an authentic, happy, and abundant
life.
Okay, let’s get started.
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3
DISCOVERING YOUR
PURPOSE IS A JOURNEY
One of my greatest passions in life is helping women
tap into the purpose God has for their lives. So many
people get overwhelmed with the search to discover
why they were born. What I’ve realized is that
discovering your purpose is a process, a journey, an
evolution. Most of us don’t wake up one day and just
figure out our purpose in life. Life leaves us little
clues along the way.
Pay attention to the things that you are naturally good
at. What comes easy for you, but is hard for others?
What wakes you up in the morning and gives you
great joy when you do it? What inspires or motivates
you? What areas of injustice that are done to others
make you want to stand up and fight?
One of my clients was a jack-of-many-trades. She
owned an art business, was a realtor, a self-professed
lawyer (she didn’t go to law school), and a
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bookkeeper. During one of our coaching sessions, she
discovered that her passion was helping first-time
homeowners qualify for and purchase their first
home. This had been her passion for many years, but
she had never tapped into it. After years of struggling
in business, she got clear on what she was passionate
about and gifted to do, and as soon as she did, her
business took off.
Here are eleven important questions for you to think
about that will give you insight into your purpose:
1. What would you attempt to do if you knew
you wouldn’t fail?
2. What are you gifted at doing?
3. What do other people say you are good at or
say comes naturally for you?
4. What are you most passionate about in
business and life?
5. What do you do for fun and really enjoy?
6. What obstacles have you overcome in your
life that you would like to assist others in
overcoming?
7. Who do you want to stand up for and be a
hero to?
8. What gives you energy, meaning, and
fulfillment?
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9. What books or magazines do you most enjoy
reading?
10. What is the one thing you want to experience
or accomplish before you die?
11. What do you want your legacy to be?
Your purpose is not just about you; it is about the
people who God wants to bless through you. If you
don’t tap into your purpose, you’re being selfish
because your gifts, talents, and experiences are exactly
what your ideal client needs to propel her in life and
business.
What can you do today to align your passion with
your business? How can you weave it into your
existing business? Make a commitment today to live a
life of purpose.
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7
DESIGN YOUR BUSINESS
AROUND YOUR LIFE
Don’t live your life as a carbon copy of someone else.
Be an original version of yourself. Stop competing
with other people. Stop comparing yourself with
others. You don’t need someone else’s approval of
you. Approve of yourself and validate yourself. Run
your own race. Stay in your lane.
Oprah once said, “The minute I stopped trying to be
like Barbara Walters, I found my own authentic
voice.” If you try to be like someone else, you will just
be an imitation of that person. I have seen so many
coaches just reuse another coaches material, then
wonder why they aren’t having success. It’s because
they are not speaking from their authentic voice. Yes,
you will gain things from your mentors, friends, and
coaches, but don’t try to be them. Be you.
One of the most important things you can do is to
decide that this is your year to make whatever income
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you desire, gain back your time, live on purpose, and
enjoy your life. You might say, “Wow that sounds
good, but how do I do it?”
One of the greatest things I’ve learned is how to
design my business around my life. Many of us miss
the boat right here. For years, I designed my life
around my business, fitting family and friends in
where I could. I would always place my business
before my relationship with God, myself, my spouse,
and my children. I would work to exhaustion and
have nothing left to give to my family. Often my
husband would tell me that he felt like he got the
leftovers from me. I would pour so much into my
business that I didn’t have anything left to pour into
my family.
I had to learn to design my business around my life.
You have to decide what kind of life you want to live.
Do you want to work three days a week, five days a
week, twenty hours a week, forty hours a week? Do
you want to work from home, in an office, or at
Starbucks? Be clear about the life that you want to
live and mold your business to fit your lifestyle.
Take a few moments to think about these questions:
Do I want a small business that I run by
myself, or do I want employees or a virtual
assistant?
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Do I want to work from home or in an
office?
How many days per week do I want to work?
How many hours per day?
Who is my ideal client?
What is the problem that I solve for him or
her?
What services do I want to offer that I really
enjoy performing?
Do I want to travel with my business?
What does the ideal workday look like for me?
Be authentic about the type of life you want to live.
As a mother of two busy young boys and an adult
daughter, I need to have flexibility to ensure that I
have plenty of time for homework, trips to the park,
and story time. Having a husband who was in the
military means that I also need time and energy to
ensure that our castle (home) is clean. I made the
decision that I needed at least one day per week to
run errands and handle all of the domestic issues
related to my household.
In designing your ideal life, choose what works best
for you and your family. One of the main benefits of
being an entrepreneur is being able to have the
flexibility to design the life that you want. Take full
advantage of that today by spending some time to
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design your business around your life. It’s time for
you to regain your time, have more peace, make the
money that you desire, and live a purposeful life.
Use the gifts that God has blessed you with. Find out
the path that God has for you and follow it. Once you
do that, watch doors open up for you. Absolutely
research, learn best practices, and find out what other
people are doing. Learn from them, but don’t copy or
mimic them. You were designed for a specific person,
walk your own path. Live your authentic life. Here’s
what that means.
AUTHENTIC:
Awareness
Underlying Beliefs
Truth
Happiness
Empowerment
Nurturing
Trust
Intuition
Care (Self-Care)
Webster’s defines authentic as being real or genuine,
not copied or false, but true and accurate. In order to
be authentic, you have to be aware of who you truly
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are. That means doing a reality check and not getting
caught up in the hype of what everyone else says
about you.
When you live authentically, you challenge the
underlying beliefs that you developed throughout
your childhood and adult life, and you determine
whether or not they’re serving you and making your
life better. If they are, you keep them. If not, you
replace them with beliefs that will propel you to the
things you desire in life.
Being authentic means embracing truth (regardless of
whether you agree with it or not) and seeking a life of
happiness and joy. Most importantly, you do not wait
on people to validate you. You empower yourself to
be successful personally and professionally. You
nurture your spirit, take care of your relationships,
and trust your intuition.
Many times, we follow the path that someone else has
laid out for us because we don’t take the time to get
quiet and hear what God is saying to us. An essential
part of living authentically is learning to trust your
own instincts.
Taking time out for you and your self-care is also
vital. You will often hear me say, “An empty vessel is
not able to pour into anybody.” In order to give to
others, you must first give to yourself and then help
others from your overflow not your reserves.
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When you are living your authentic life, there is
no competition. Someone else may be doing what
you are doing, but they won’t be doing it like you do it.
You have your own experiences, knowledge, and
personality that you bring to the table. Work on
developing and cultivating your strengths. Hone the
skills that you’re good at and unleash your own
unique brilliance (“sweet spot”). Once you do that,
you will find that you have more peace, happiness,
abundance, and joy in your life.
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THE POWER OF
AFFIRMATIONS
Affirmations are positive statements that describe a
desired situation. You say them aloud several times
throughout each day until they are imprinted on your
subconscious mind. This process forces the
subconscious mind to take action and make the
positive statements come true. When you learn how
to use affirmations, you have a powerful tool for
achieving success and for improving your life.
Your subconscious mind accepts as true what you
keep saying, whether it is positive or negative. It
attracts corresponding people, events, and situations
into your life. Because of this, you should verbalize
only positive statements, in order to get positive
results.
Your words and thoughts are constantly
programming your mind in the exact same way that a
computer is programmed. Repetitive positive
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statements force you to focus your mind on your
goal. The affirmations that you are saying to yourself
create parallel mental images in the conscious mind,
which have a direct effect on the subconscious mind.
By doing this, you program your subconscious mind
to find ways to fulfill your desires.
Affirmations are a huge part of my life. I know
without a doubt that they are one of the most
important reasons I’ve been successful in my personal
life and in business.
Read the affirmations below aloud at least two or
three times and record them so you can listen when
you need a word of encouragement. Feel free to add
or change any affirmations to suit your desires.
Remember your voice is the most powerful one you
will hear.
It doesn’t matter what others say about you. It
matters what you say about yourself.
1. I have all of the energy, time, and resources
that I need.
2. I am valuable and worthy of love.
3. Money comes to me easily and effortlessly.
4. I am healthy, whole, and at peace.
5. I walk in faith, confidence, and boldness.
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INVOLVE YOUR FAMILY
Running a successful business and maintaining a
happy marriage and family is truly a juggling act. It
requires time, patience, and a lot of creative thinking.
You have to be very strategic about including your
family (husband and/or children) in your business so
they don’t see it as the enemy. You don’t want them
to think that it consumes all of your time and you
have nothing left to give them.
Many years ago, my husband told me that he felt like
he got the leftovers from me because my business
took up all of my time and I was often exhausted
after working all day and spending time with the kids.
By nighttime, I was ready to grab my bonnet, put on
my eye cover, and go to bed.
How many of you know that was not the recipe for
creating a happy marriage? I had to burn my bonnet
and muster up the energy to spend quality time with
my husband, including practicing my marriage
ministry. (Yes, that means sex.)
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Managing a family and a business is a continuous
work in progress for me. For a long time, I was
married to my business instead of my husband (he
brought that to my attention). I had to learn to
prioritize my boundaries and design my business
around my life so I wasn’t working late in the
evenings, gone a lot on weekends, and working while
I was with my family. The one thing that has helped
me most is having a vision for what I want my
marriage and family to look like and then realizing
what it will take to get it.
I believe you can have it all (maybe not all at the same
time), but not do it all, and most importantly you have
to decide what “all” is for you. For me, “all” is having
a loving marriage, kids who are thriving, and a
business that provides me with financial and personal
freedom.
In order for this to happen, I had to get help with my
business and with housework to free up more of my
personal time. In addition to a wonderful husband
who helps, I have an accountability partner, I’m a
member of a mastermind group, and I have a
business coach and friends who hold me accountable.
In order to have it all, you must have a very strong
support system. A lot of people make it look easy, but
it takes work to make it happen. Building a successful
business takes a village, just like raising kids.
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Consistent success in all three areas of life at the same
time is a reach, so don't always expect it. It’s not that
things won't be going well for all three, but there are
levels of success, and sometimes you will have to
sacrifice something in one area for the sake of the
other.
God should always be first because without Him
nothing happens, then family, because if you lose
your family in pursuit of success, it will be a hollow
victory, and then business comes third. Remember
there will be sacrifices, and you must know they will
come. Be ready, stay prayed up, and fight the good
fight together. After all, your success is really the
success of you, your husband, your marriage, your
business, and your family. Keep things in check and
you’ll still be together to enjoy the fruits of your
labor.
One key to help your marriage stay on track is to
make sure your personal vision doesn’t supersede the
vision that your husband has for your family. Don't
compete against one another. You’re on the same
team. Your job as a wife is to complement your
husband.
The end goal is not just a big bank account. It’s to
have peace in all areas of your life, from family to
business to children. The peace you have in your
home will be taken into your business and into
society. So make sure your vision as a family is always
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first. This is a key cornerstone to maintaining success
in both marriage and business.
Share your vision with your kids and husband. Let
them know the dreams you have for your business.
Involve them in the process of establishing your short
and long-term goals. This shows them that they have
a vested interest in what you’re doing. Have the kids
do small age-appropriate tasks in the business to
create a sense of belonging so it’s not just all about
you.
Just as your business changes with time, so does your
marriage and your relationship with your kids. They
are all living and breathing entities that need
nurturing. What works today may not necessarily
work next month, or next year, but you have to be
prepared and remain flexible. Think of how unwilling
Kodak and Blockbuster were to change, and now they
are no more.
There’s a lot of give and take required in order for
you marriage and family to be successful. Remember
to show your husband and children that you
appreciate them and that they’re special. Sometimes
we get so wrapped up in business that we don’t make
room for our husband or children in our head space.
However, the little things make a difference.
Most times your husband will not verbalize to you
that he is feeling left out or neglected. Often times
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this will show up as him seemingly not supporting
your business. Take extra effort to let him know how
valuable he is to you and how much you appreciate
him. Cook his favorite meal, take him out on a date,
or reserve some quiet time for just the two of you to
hang out. Send your husband an encouraging text at
least twice a week, like “Where would I be without
you?” I know it might seem a little corny, but men
like compliments just as much as women do.
Don’t leave the kids out, make them feel special too.
Put a little note in your kids’ lunchbox telling them
how proud you are of them or compliment them on
how well they’re doing in school.
Here are some steps to ensure that you keep your
marriage and family on track while growing a
successful business.
1. Evaluate where your business is taking you
and determine where your husband and
children fit in that scenario. Are your
business, marriage, and family on the same
path or at least heading in the same direction?
2. Determine whether or not that role you see
for your husband is a role he would play for
himself. For example, if you have the
potential to make way more money than your
husband, how will he feel if he’s not the
breadwinner of the family?
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3. Where do your children fit in your growing
business? Do they still get their required
mommy time? Are you active in their events?
Are you home for dinner?
You have to lay out your full deck of cards so you and
your family both know what your goals and ideas are
for your business, marriage, and family. You have to
create a realistic picture to bring all three into
alignment. This requires openness, honesty, sacrifice,
and a willingness to make the necessary adjustments
to ensure that your marriage and family are top
priority.
Turn off the computer, put your phone down, and
spend time with your family. Learn to say no to things
that are taking you away from your family, and say yes
to your husband and children. Designate family time,
and make sure you stick to it. Ladies, put the bonnet,
sweat pants and scarf in the drawer and pull out a
negligee.
Having a successful business, marriage and family
requires work and effort, but when you sow seeds of
love, affection, and quality time, you will reap the
harvest of a loving, supportive, and caring family.
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WORK YOUR
“SWEET SPOT”
Your “sweet spot” is what you do best and who you
serve most effectively with that skill. Working in your
sweet spot enables you to use the gifts that God has
given you. You’re constantly working in your flow,
and things come naturally for you. Have you ever
noticed that when you are doing things that come
naturally for you, time escapes you? On the contrary,
when you’re doing things that are hard for you, the
time almost stands still. This is a key indication of
what your sweet spot is.
Do you dread seeing a certain client’s number come
up on your caller ID? Do you have to give yourself a
pep talk before you see a specific client or start a
particular job? Maybe you haven’t experienced these
things, but I sure have.
There was one client in particular who was so
indecisive. She made the same mistakes over and over
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again without learning the valuable lessons that were
presented to her. It got so bad that I was no longer
excited about meeting with her.
I had to learn how to identify my ideal clients and
only work with them. Those are the people I was put
on this earth to serve. We have chemistry and
connection. Now, I’m sure some of you are saying, “I
will work with anybody who has a checkbook and a
pulse.” But if you serve everyone, you’re not going to
create a business that you adore and love and look
forward to working in and on. You have to focus and
narrow your clients to the ones who let you operate in
your sweet spot.
I realized that my ideal clients were highly motivated
female entrepreneurs who were ready to take
immediate action. They research the best options and
put a plan in action to bring it to reality.
I thrived in my work with those clients. I was creative,
motivated, and energized. My attitude was positive
and upbeat, and I looked forward to working with
these women. Compare that experience to my work
with a client who was indecisive, had no vision, had
no direction, and flew by the seat of her pants. Even
though I was able to provide her with some good
business insight, I didn’t see the dramatic results she
should have achieved.
Who is your ideal client? What does he or she look
like? Where does he hang out? What does she need
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from you? What valuable, life-changing thing can you
give this person? Are there certain services that
provide you immense joy that can replace the services
that you do just for money? Are there certain areas
where your creative juices just flow and other areas
where it’s hard work for you to come up with
solutions? Recognize all of this and pay attention to it.
These are all key indicators of your “sweet spot.”
Personally, I am overjoyed when I’m coaching,
training, or speaking to someone and I see the light
bulb go off, or as Oprah calls it, the “aha” moment. I
see a shift in their thinking. That’s priceless to me.
That is what fuels me. I am so passionate about it.
What drives you and motivates you? What would you
do if money was no object? Look at your business.
Are you mostly doing what excites you, or are you
chasing money? Once you start offering more of the
services that you were gifted to do, your client flow
will increase. Once you put it out there, the floodgates
will open, and you will attract your ideal client.
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PRICING IS A MINDSET
You charge people what you think you are worth.
You can’t charge more than you think you deserve. It
won’t be believable, and you won’t be comfortable
presenting your offer to a potential client.
I have had several clients who started off offering
their services for free so they could get comfortable
with their abilities and offerings. There’s nothing
wrong with that. I did the same thing when I started.
My service rate was free, then $75/hour, then $250,
then $500, and now into the thousands and tens of
thousands.
As I grew, learned, and put systems in place, my rate
increased with my value. Your comfort level grows
with your experience, knowledge, systems, and
accountability. So should your fees.
How much do you currently charge your clients?
Normally, the first number that pops into your mind
is what you are comfortable asking someone to pay
you. Do you like that number? Probably not? Let’s
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double it, then triple it, and maybe even quadruple it
(if you are really undercharging). One of those new
numbers is probably around the price that you should
be charging clients.
Next question for you: why don’t you charge more? Is
it because people are so used to you giving your
services away for free? One key thing to understand is
that, most times, a free client will not convert into a
fee client. If you have conditioned your clients to
work with you for free, it can be a difficult process to
recondition them to pay for your services.
Take the following mindset quiz to determine your
thought processes about pricing.
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PRICING MINDSET QUIZ
Instructions: Please answer yes or no to the
following questions and review the assessment below.
YES NO
Do you believe you should be
paid premium rates for the
services or products you offer?
Do you like the rate that you
are currently charging your
clients?
Do you feel like you should
raise your rates?
Do you believe you offer
enough value to clients to raise
your rates?
Is the product or service you
provide worth a premium
rate?
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YES NO
Do you believe you are
targeting the right clients who
can afford to pay your rates?
Do you solve a big enough
problem to demand higher
rates?
Do you offer clients results that
demand premium prices?
If you were a client, would you
pay your rate?
Do you currently financially
invest in yourself through
training, coaching, participating
in a mastermind program, or
other things that increase your
knowledge and raise the value
you offer to clients?
Does your internal mindset
support you charging higher
prices?
Pricing Mindset Assessment: There are a total of
eleven questions. If you weren’t able to answer yes to
all of these questions, it might be time for you to
perform a mindset adjustment. You have to change
your mindset before you can change your prices.
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ABOUT T. RENEÉ SMITH
Business Lifestyle Strategist
and certified coach T. Reneé
Smith started her first
business at age nineteen, on
credit, with no business
experience and no plan. She
has built successful marketing,
real estate, technology, and
entertainment companies.
T. Reneé went from driving a Mercedes, living in an
8,000 square foot home, shopping for designer
clothes, dining at fancy restaurants, and spending days
at the spa to being served with lawsuits and filing
bankruptcy.
Now a reformed people pleaser, perfectionist, and
workaholic who has made almost every possible
mistake in growing her business, T. Reneé has been
featured in national publications, including Cosmopolitan
and Entrepreneur magazines as a modern-day business
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leader. Through years of learning, hard work, planning,
trial and error, persistence, and a clear-cut strategy for
success, she has rebuilt and grown her business from
the ground up.
T. Renee is super passionate about helping women-
entrepreneurs do the work with her step-by-step
systems for building a passive revenue business
model, attracting more clients, and positioning a
business brand that allows them to earn more money
and have more free time as they balance work,
womanhood, motherhood, and wife-hood.
She shows each client how to “Live Your Authentic
Life” as a superstar business owner who rocks
stilettos, sweats, and suits!
Learn more about T. Renee’ Smith at
www.treneesmith.com.
Please connect with me on Social Media:
Twitter: @coachtrenee
Facebook: coachtrenee1
LinkedIn: T. Renee’ Smith
35. THE AUTHENTIC WOMAN
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JOIN THE
STILETTOS FAMILY
If you would like to join a community of women who
are rocking it in their Stilettos, Sweats, and Suits,
please visit:
www.facebook.com/groups/TripleSLife.
Stilettos, Sweats, and Suits is a sacred space that
provides resources, collaboration, and accountability
for established and aspiring women-entrepreneurs
and small business owners so they can “rock it” in
their personal life (Stilettos), marriage and family
(Sweats), and business (Suits) by creating a lifestyle of
more success, money, and time.
