2. Days of decision
1. Before children are eight
years old, they develop a
concept about their worth
and worth of others.
2. These are children’s days of
decision. The days of
decision lead a person to
take psychological
positions.
3. The psychological positions
taken about oneself and
about others fit into four
basic patterns.
3. Life position
Life positions are
basic beliefs about
self and others,
which are used to
justify decisions
and behavior.
4. Life position
• Life position, which was
originally described by Eric
Berne (1962/1976) in an article
entitled "Classification of
Positions."
• He delineated four life positions:
"I'm OK, You're OK" (I+U+) –
Good Life position; "I'm not-OK,
You're OK" (I-U+) – Depressive
position; "I'm OK, You're not-
OK" (I+U-) – Paranoid position;
and "I'm not-OK, You're not-OK"
(IU-) – Futile position.
5. I am OK, You are OK
• It is potentially a mentally
healthy position.
• If realistic, People with this
position about themselves
and others can solve their
problems constructively.
• Their expectations are likely
to be valid.
• They accept the significance
of other people.
6. I am OK, You are not OK
• It is a position of persons
who feel victimized or
persecuted, so victimize and
persecute others.
• They blame others for their
miseries.
• Delinquents and criminals
often have this position and
taken on paranoid behavior
which in extreme cases may
lead to homicide.
7. I am not OK, You are OK
• It is a common position
of persons who feel
powerless when they
compare themselves to
others.
• This position leads them
to withdraw, to
experience depression,
and in severe cases, to
become suicidal.
8. I am not OK, You are not OK
• It is the position of those
who lose interest in
living, who exhibit
schizoid behavior, and
who is extreme cases,
commit suicide or
homicide.
9. Life position
• Once a position is taken, the
person seeks to keep his or her
world predictable by
reinforcing it.
• It becomes a life position from
which games are played and
scripts acted out.
• "Every game, script, and
destiny then, is based on one
of these four basic positions”.
11. OK Corral
• According to Franklin Ernst who
developed OK corral, Each of us
arrives in adulthood having written
a script based on one of the four
life positions.
• But we don't stay in that position
every hour of the day. Minute by
minute, we shift between
positions.
12. OK Corral
• Ernst showed that people
can behave in an I+U-
position at home, then go
to work and be I-U+ with
the boss, and later that
evening be I+U+ with a
boyfriend or girlfriend.
• Woollams and Brown said
that what Ernst was
describing should be
viewed as "feeling states" .
13. OK Mix
• Although we might all have a basic
life position, I believe that our
positions and behaviours are quite
complex and can be different
depending on circumstances and
sometimes change moment to
moment.
• This is what Anita Mountain
(2009) calls the OK mix “That is
the dynamic interplay between
any group of people moment to
moment.
• All our transactions can be seen
as invitations to other people to
join us in our current (behavioural
or existential) position.”
14.
15. Surface life position
A surface life position is
temporary and changes
many times each day. It
may be reflected in the
types of ego states or
transactions that we use.
16. Character Life position
• According to Berne’s original
conceptualization, One cannot
change one's total life destiny
rapidly.
• Woollams and Brown's concept
of life position is that life
positions are fairly permanent
and do not change easily.
17. Character Life position
• The character life position will
influence the amount of time and
the ease with which one adopts a
certain position at the surface level.
• For example, someone who is I-U+
at the character level will tend to
use that most often at the surface
level, particularly under stress.
• However, "allowers,"
"permissions," and the
requirements of various daily
situations lead each of us to use all
the life positions in our daily lives.
18. Life position
• Berne talked about the life
positions as existential positions,
one of which we are more likely to
go to under stress.
• This is significantly different to the
concept Ernst uses, i.e. that we
move around them all during the
day.
• It seems that Berne was talking
about a character level idea, and
Ernst was talking about a surface-
level, minute-by-minute concept.
19. Changing Life position
• One way to influence one's
character life position is by
doing things differently in
everyday life.
• For instance, if one's character
position is I-U+ one can make a
social contract to engage in
I+U+ behaviour and
transactions at work.
• If one persists with this new
surface-level behavior, the
Child ego state will slowly begin
to alter its character position to
one that is more I+U+.
20. Blame model
• The Transactional Analysis
'Okay Corral' can be linked
to 'blame model ', for which
Jim Davis TSTA developed
this simple and helpful
model.
• Commonly when emotions
are triggered people adopt
one of three attitudes
relating to blame, which
each correlate to a position
on the Okay Corral.
21. Blame model
• I'm to blame (You are
okay and I'm not okay
- 'helpless')
• You are to blame (I'm
okay and you are not
okay - 'angry')
• We are both to blame
(I'm not okay and you
are not okay -
'hopeless')
22. Three handed position
• I+ You+ They+ : Democratic
community position.
• I+ You + They - : Gang
positions – who needs them.
• I+ You - They + : Agitator or
malcontent – you people are
not good compared to those
there.
• I+ You-They- : Solitary
righteous self critic.
• I-You+ They+ : The is a self
punishing saint or masochist.
“ I am the most unworthy
person in the world”
23. Three handed position
• I- You+ They- : Servile position “ I abase
myself and you reward me well not like
those inferior fellows”
• I- You-They+ : Servile envy “ I hate us
because we are not as well off”
• I- You- They- : Pessimistic position ,
believes in predestination and original
sin. “we are none of us any good any
where”.
• I+ You+ They? – Evangelistic position . I
and you are ok but we don’t know about
them until they show their credentials or
come to our side.
• I+ You? They- : Aristocratic , Most other
people are not good, but as if you, i will
wait until i see your credentials.
24. 3 Dimensional Okness
• It was proposed by Anita
Mountain.
• If we consider the third
dimension of THEY, then the
social interaction of groups,
families, organisations and
teams becomes open to
analysis.
• In 3 dimensional Okness
suddenly there are eight
positions rather than the
traditional four.
27. Okayness
• Stewart and Jones (1987)
seemed to define the degree
of OKness a person feels as the
"essential value" (that one
perceives in oneself and
others.
• This implies that it is more
than just behaviour.
28. Okayness
• Steiner (1974) gave a more
philosophical definition of
OKness.
• He said that Berne had a
conviction and "'faith in human
nature“ about the OKness of
people.
• As a result, we all are OK, even
those who commit the most
heinous deeds.
• Such individuals are not
responsible for their genes or
early backgrounds and thus are
OK, even though their behavior is
not.
29. Okayness
• For his part, Novey sees OKness
as meaning "I am an acceptable
human being, with the right to
live and meet my needs, and
you are an acceptable human
being with the right to live and
get your needs met.“
• For him, "rights" and
"acceptability" are used in
defining OKness.
30. Okayness
• Harris and Harris (1985) saw
OKness almost as a comparison
of following between a child and
his or her parents:
– Strength
– Power and
– Dependency
31. Planetary Okayness
• Another aspect of life positions is
taken up by Pearl Drego (2008).
• He talked about the
environmental crisis affecting the
earth as “scripty and suicidal”. It
is a position of the extreme
antisocial (I+ U-T-) or
hopelessness (I-U- T-).
• Issues such as climate change,
water shortages, marine pollution
etc. are all global problems – that
can overwhelm us with their
scale and complexity.
32. Planetary Okayness
• It is at the small group level that
we can create and maintain
healthy life positions including
other groups, nations and
importantly future generations.
• Then maybe we can step back
from the hopelessly suicidal and
antisocially homicidal positions.
34. Decision or life position?
• Eric Berne – Early
decisions come first
and then life position is
adopted to justify it.
• Claude Steiner – Life
position is adopted
much earlier.
36. New born - I am OK and You are OK
• When we are conceived we are
hopefully at peace, waiting to emerge
into the world once we have grown
sufficiently to be able to survive in the
outside of the womb.
• If nothing untoward happens we will
emerge contented and relaxed.
• In this case we are likely to perceive
the world from the perspective of I
am OK and You are OK.
37. New born - I am not OK and You are not OK
• Perhaps our mother had
some traumatic
experiences, or the birth
was difficult or even life
threatening.
• This experience is likely to
have an effect on the way
we experience the world,
even at the somatic level.
• In which case we might
emerge sensing that life is
scary and might, for
example, go into "I am not
OK and You are not OK
either".
38. New born - I am not OK and You are OK
• Let's take it that the
pregnancy went fine, and the
birth was easy enough. What
then?
• Well life experiences might
reinforce our initial somatic
level life position, or
contradict it.
• If we were treated punitively,
talked down to, and not held,
we may begin to believe "I am
not OK and You are OK". This
might be the only sense we
can make of our experiences.
• For the child, adults are giants
who make it feel not ok.
40. I+U-
• It is generally understood that for
someone to believe that another person
is not-OK, they must at some level
believe that they themselves are not-OK.
• For example, Stewart and Joines (1987,
p. 123) said "that I+U- is often a defence
against I-U+."
• Tony White said that the "I'm OK, You're
not-OK" position be described as "I'm
not-OK, but You're worse" (I-,U--).
42. True winner position
• How effectively assertive - state
their needs and wants in
contradiction to another person's
needs.
• Tony White - "I'm a Bit More OK
Than You Are" (I++U+).
• The I+U+ individual differs from
the I++U+ person in that the
latter enjoys the niceties of life if
he or she can afford them. At the
same time, the I++U+ person
sees others as OK so he or she is
not greedy or exploitative.
43. Development
• From a developmental point of
view, children start in the I+U?
position.
• If given total permission, they
will either stay as I+U? or more
likely move to I-U--.
• If, instead, they are given the
correct quota of positive
conditional and unconditional
strokes, as well as negative
conditional strokes, then they
will end up in either I+U+ or
I++U+.
44. Seven life positions – Tony White
1. "I'm OK, You're Irrelevant" (I+U?)
2. "I'm not-OK, You're Irrelevant" (I-U?)
3. "I'm not-OK, You're not-OK" (I-U-)
4. "I'm not-OK, But You're Worse" (I-U--)
5. "I'm a Bit More OK Than You Are" (I++U+)
6. "I'm OK, You're OK" (I+U+)
7. "I'm not-OK, You're OK" (I-U+)
45. "I'm OK, You're Irrelevant" (I+U?)
• Position at birth
• No sense of boundaries between
self and others
• Animistic thinking
• Narcissistic personality
• Ideas of reference
• Dependent personality
• Normal stage of development.
46. "I'm OK, You're Irrelevant" (I+U?)
• The newborn from birth to 12
months feels omnipotent.
• The infant sees mother/caretaker
and self as having a common
boundary and does not perceive
himself or herself as being a
separate entity.
• The infant is in a state of twilight
existence in which he or she does
not seem to know where he or
she begins and where the other
leaves off.
• It is only after achieving this
strong attachment in the first 12
months that the baby spends the
next 24 months endeavouring to
become a separate individual.
47. "I'm not-OK, You're Irrelevant" (I-U?)
• Similar to the I+U? position.
• In this case, however, the person
decides he or she is not-OK.
• This position develops from the
I+U? position as soon as the
young child is confronted with
parenting that is sufficiently
adverse to cause the child to
decide that he or she is not-OK.
• Logically, as soon as one
develops a sense of others'
OKness, then the positions of
I+U? and I-U? can no longer be
maintained.
48. "I'm not-OK, You're not-OK" (I-U-)
• Similar to prior descriptions in
that it is a "Get-nowhere-with"
position.
• Such individuals, however, have
a sense of self and of their
boundaries.
• As a result, this group does not
include those abnormal states in
which there are boundary
problems.
• This position develops from the
IU? position when the child is
allowed to form a sense of self.
Often the schizoid personality
falls into this life position.
49. "I'm not-OK, But You're Worse" (I-U--)
• This position was previously
referred to as the I+U- life
position.
• Although at the behavioural level
I+U- seems to be the correct
description for such individuals, it
fails to indicate that they have
their own feelings of not-OKness
and view others as being less OK
to convince themselves that they
are OK.
• Therapeutically it is more
effective to diagnose such a
person as IU-- because this
designation confronts the denial
strategy used by him or her.
50. "I'm a Bit More OK Than You Are" (I++U+)
• The winner or autonomy
position, previously
described as the I+U+
position.
• In normal development this
position naturally follows
from the previous I+U?
position, roughly around the
age of four (depending on
the theory of child
development to which one
subscribes).
51. "I'm OK, You're OK" (I+U+)
• This position does not
define the individuals who
will cope best or most
effectively in life.
• Rather, people in this
position will tend to be too
accommodating to others'
needs, thus manifesting
qualities similar to those
found in the I-U+ position.
• However, the I+U+
individual is not a self-hater
as is the I-U+ person.
52. "I'm not-OK, You're OK" (I-U+)
• Similar to previous
ideas about this
position.
• The depressive
position of "Get-
away from."
53. OK modes model
• This model shows how we
communicate or behave
with others. It consists of
ten Modes with a central
Mindful Process.
• When we come from the
green Modes we invite a
positive response, and
when we communicate
from a red Mode, we invite
a response from one of the
red Modes.
54. OK modes model
• The central circle element,
upon which the full model
is built, is in itself a
representation of effective
communication.
• When we are in the one of
the four effective Modes
shown around the circle we
are responsive to the
present situation.
55. OK modes model
• Generally when something
is said from an effective
Mode the response from
the other person is also
likely to be from an
effective Mode.
• Equally, where a
communication comes
from an ineffective Mode,
the invitation is for the
other person to respond
from one of the ineffective
Modes.
56. OK modes model
Effective Modes Ineffective Modes
Structuring Criticizing
Inconsistent
Supporting Interfering
Co-creating Over-adapted
Oppositional
Playful Reckless
57.
58. Mindful Process
• Not a Mode, this is a
requirement or condition
enabling effective Modes to be
accessed/used.
• When we are operating
mindfully, we communicate
'OK to OK' messages.
• We operate appropriately in
the here-and-now and have
access to the positive aspects
of the care and structure we
have received in the past and
the experiences we had in
childhood.
59. Effective Modes
• Structuring Mode - This is the
boundary setting Mode, offering
constructive criticism. In this Mode
we are caring whilst firm.
• Supporting Mode - When in this
Mode we are affirming and
considerate.
• Co-creating Mode - From this
Mode we develop ways to help us
live and work with others.
• Playful Mode - This is the creative,
fun loving, curious and energetic
Mode. We can confront people
playfully as a way of dealing with a
difficult situation.
60. Ineffective Modes
• Criticizing Mode - communicates a
"You're not OK" message. When in this
Mode you will believe that others
cannot do things as well as you can, or
perhaps only certain chosen people can.
• Inconsistent Mode - As a leader we
might be inconsistent in our style -
changing our behavior in unpredictable
and apparently random ways. This is not
helpful for followers (or leaders).
• Interfering Mode - communicates a
"You're not OK" message. When in this
Mode the person will often do things for
others which they are capable of doing
for themselves. People who find it
difficult to delegate might
61. Ineffective Modes
• Over-adapted Mode - This expresses an "I'm
not OK" or "I'm not OK and You're Not OK"
message. When in this Mode we over-adapt
to others and tend to experience such
emotions as depression or unrealistic fear
and anxiety.
• Oppositional Mode - Even when opposing
others, we are not actually free to think for
ourselves as we are reacting to them in the
belief that we need to 'resist' them.
• Reckless Mode - In this Mode we run wild
with no boundaries. Here we express a
"You're not OK" message. At work we tend
not to take responsibility for our actions and
are unlikely to progress as we need a great
deal of management in order to focus our
energy and keep boundaries.
