2. Demographics
• 40% of children will witness their
parents divorce before reaching
adulthood
• 75% of those who divorce will
remarry
• Approximately one-third of all
weddings in America today form
stepfamilies
• 52% of people under the age of 30
report having a step- relative
• 60% of those who remarry will get
divorced
(NSRC, 2013; Amato, 2000); U.S. Bureau of the Census,
2008, Pew Research Center, 2010)
3. What Is Family?
• Unmarried couples raising children
• Gay & lesbian couples raising
children
• Single women having children
without a partner
• Cohabitating couples without
children
• Married couples without children
• Interracial couples having children
• Grandparents raising grandchildren
• Adoptive families
• Stepfamilies
(Pew Research Center 2011)
4. Differentiation, Difference &
Diversity
• Unique psycho/social issues - grief/loss;
loyalty conflicts; anger; household
cultural differences
• Defining parental roles
• Alternating between households
• Subsystems in conflict - insiders vs.
outsiders, children vs. adults
• Different developmental stages from
biological families
• Embracing diversity - enhanced
creativity, flexibility, communication;
more love
5. Family Transitions and Stress
Life Event Life Change Units
Death of parent 100
Unplanned pregnancy/abortion 100
Getting married 95
Divorce of parents 90
Acquiring a visible deformity 80
Fathering a child 70
Jail sentence of parent for over one year 70
Marital separation of parents 69
Death of a brother or sister 68
Change in acceptance by peers 67
Unplanned pregnancy of sister 64
Discovery of being an adopted child 63
Marriage of parent to stepparent 63
Death of a close friend 63
Having a visible congenital deformity 62
Serious illness requiring hospitalization 58
Failure of a grade in school 56
Not making an extracurricular activity 55
Hospitalization of a parent 55
Jail sentence of parent for over 30 days 53
Breaking up with boyfriend or girlfriend 53
Beginning to date 51
Suspension from school 50
Becoming involved with drugs or alcohol 50
Birth of a brother or sister 50
Increase in arguments between parents 47
Loss of job by parent 46
Outstanding personal achievement 46
Change in parent's financial status 45
Accepted at college of choice 43
Being a senior in high school 42
Hospitalization of a sibling 41
Increased absence of parent from home 38
Brother or sister leaving home 37
Addition of third adult to family 34
Becoming a full fledged member of a church 31
Decrease in arguments between parents 27
Decrease in arguments with parents 26
Mother or father beginning work 26
Score of 300+: At risk of illness.
Score of 150-299: Risk of illness is moderate.
(reduced by || 30% from the above risk)
Score <150: Slight risk of illness.
(Holmes and Rahe stress scale, 1965)
7. Meet The Goldfarb/Wentworths
What led them to seek more support?
Leah’s grades were deteriorating & teachers
reported increasingly aggressive behavior in
class
Background: Arlene’s ex-husband died when
children were 6 & 2, respectively. Arlene had
been a single parent for 5 years before meeting
Michael. Arlene & Michael were married within
the past year & he adopted the children. Arlene
& her children are Jewish, Michael is not. The
family recently moved to a new school district &
Leah’s difficulty was attributed to being at a new
school rather than family dynamics.
Arlene Goldfarb (33)
Leah Goldfarb (13)
Jonah Goldfarb (9)
Michael Wentworth (34)
8. The Goldfarb/Wentworths
Issues not being addressed:
• School was not aware that Michael was an
adoptive father, not biological.
• Leah and Arlene spending less time together.
• Jonah became very attached to Michael & won’t
talk to Leah about their Dad.
• Leah felt like an outsider.
• Michael felt like an outsider.
Plan: combination of individual, couples, & family
counseling
9. The Goldfarb/Wentworths
•Psycho/social issues – grief/loss; loyalty
conflicts; anger; attachment issues;
cultural differences
•Defining parental roles
•Subsystems in conflict - insiders vs.
outsiders
•Developmental challenges: fantasy &
immersion
10. Family Transitional-Trauma
Process
Forming Storming Norming Performing
• Transitions
• Fantasies
• Secrets
• Attachment
issues
• Immersion
conflicts
• Denial,
Abandonment
• Depression
• IP may emerge
• Functioning
negatively
impacted
• Awareness
• Mobilization
• Communication
• Grief
• Bonding
• Respect
• Empathy
• Felt sense of
emotional safety
• Shared vision
• Contact
• Resolution
• Clear value
• Generativity
11. The Making of Family
• ‘ohana – Hawaiian culture
• Whānau – Maori society
• Hunkapi – Lakota, Ree, &
Sioux tribes
12. What Can We Do?
Teachers/School Counselors/Administrators
• Maintain awareness of signs of stress - academic & social
• Identify & normalize what’s happening
• Offer positive re-frame when appropriate e.g. a period of family
& individual adjustment around a stressful transition that will
pass
• Curriculum on family diversity - i.e., NYT "Who Is Family?"
• Present positive examples of the richness & creativity that often
accompanies healthy, blended family functioning
• Offer information & referral network
• Parent education workshops
• Foster/nourish peer-facilitated families-in-transition support
groups
13. What Can We Do?
Mental Health Professionals
• Align & strengthen the couple
• Facilitate communication & connection
• Normalize the transitional process e.g. Forming, Storming,
Norming, Performing
• Teach conflict management
• Educate around positive outcomes
• Support the entire process
14. Some Parenting Guidelines
• Defer to the Bio-Parent
• Don't Compete with Your Counterpart
• Discover Your Stepchild's Interests
• Get Out of the Way
• Act Lovingly Even If You Don't Like Your Stepkids
• Find Something Right
Read more: http://www.empoweringparents.com/Blended-Family-
The-5Secrets-of-Effective-Stepparenting.php#ixzz2LO5k6TFS
15. Stepfamily System Research
• Patricia L. Papernow Ed.D. - "Becoming a
Stepfamily" & "Surviving and Thriving in
Stepfamily Relationships"
• Wednesday Martin Ph.D. - "Stepmonster"
• Francesca Adler-Baeder Ph.D. -
National Stepfamily Resource Center
16. Resources in the Bay Area
• Individual & Family therapy
• Kids’Turn – SF
• Family Service Agencies – SF, Marin
• Family Support Services of the Bay Area –
East Bay and SF
• Jewish Family & Children’s Services
• National Stepfamily Resource Center
• bonusfamilies.com
