This document provides tips and strategies for men to get rid of their girlfriend quickly, according to interviews with women. The tips include avoiding phone calls, not wishing her a happy birthday at 12am, refusing to have sex or be affectionate, abusing her, not getting a tattoo of her name, crying excessively, prioritizing video games over sex, flashing underwear, borrowing money, going without condoms, not fighting, growing ear hair, owning more hair products than her, blocking her on social media, calling her excessively, eating ketchup with everything, dissing Justin Bieber, watching porn openly, snorting when laughing, eating only meat, being vegetarian, not wearing cologne, and criticizing her clothes

1. Have you landed yourself one of those ‘unflushables’ like
the good folks in Coupling talked about ? and Does She
refuse to Scram even when you try? well, You are not
alone. According to very reliable statistics, all men have
encountered one of those. the only difference is that all
men don’t have blokes like us looking out for them.
blokes who’d quiz real women under false pretexts and
come up with an authentic break-up manual.
Pictures:PradeepKumar,AbhinavBhatt,SrijanDubey,AadityaRaiSingh,AksharPathak
words: shruti gattani
Resultsguaranteed!
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2. Stay off the phone
Result in: 5 days
So what if you spent two hours talking dirty to a
former lover at 4 am the night before – she
doesn’t need to know that. Our experts say
women can and will get rid of you if you keep
shunning the phone. “If he thinks talking on the
phone for long hours is a waste of time, and
actually has the guts to say so to my face, then it
26, marketing professional. Just like her,
Radhika Sengupta, 35, a marketing
professional too got rid of a fella for making
her pay the bill. “Once in a while, I get it,
but the day I paid for his seven JD’s, my
credit card and I decided to bid adieu to
him,” she tells us.
Don’t wish her at 12 on
her birthday
Result in: 1 day
“Let’s get things straight, my birthday is
special and if he doesn’t call me sharp at 12,
then like it or not, it’s over,” says Neha
Aguiar, 30, a Chef. Women make a big deal
about their mother’s birthday, nephew’s
birthday and (even) dog’s birthday, so don’t
call her at 12 and she will make it an issue.
Be Horny – always!
Result in: 27 days
“If your idea of ‘dating’ is to drive around in
a car until you find a place to make out,
then sorry honey, it’s not going to work out.
I said the exact same thing to my ex and
asked him to fuck off,” says Sumantha
Rathore, 29, Writer. Women start off
insisting sex is 75% of a relationship and
then progressively reduce the percentage
as you go along. So even though you’d
rather date your right hand, try and mate
with her like a bunny on ecstasy – she’d
suddenly start missing things like watching
a movie or drinking coffee.
Abuse a lot!
Result in: 10 days
Women complain that Delhi men abuse a
lot and that’s what ticks them off. So, a
couple of b******ds here, a couple of c***ts
there and you are home free. “It’s definitely
not chivalrous if you use an abuse in every
sentence you talk. No matter how modern
she is, there is a level of sophistication you
need to maintain, always,” says Apurva
Saxena, 24, PR Professional.
Refuse to tattoo her name
Result in: 21 days
She got your name tattooed near her
triangular topiary and then passive
aggressively expects you to do the same.
All you have to do is tell her it’s too serious a
commitment, too soon. “Seriously what’s
the big deal in it? If I’m okay with it, then
why can’t you do it? It was blasphemy when
my ex refused outright to get my name
inked,” Kritika Gattani, 26, a merchandiser
at a buying house tells us.
Sob, sob and sob some more
Result in: 7 days
“We women are too emotional, but we
definitely don’t want a crybaby,” says
37-years old, HR professional, Runa
Sharma. Priya Nair, 25, an Accounts
Executive also cites the same reason, “I
dated a guy who cried a LOT. Not that I
am insensitive and don’t cry, but when Mr
Sob Story started choking on his tears
each time I cancelled a date, I decided to
walk away.”
Have sex, avoid cuddles
Result in: 1 night
There is nothing that girls hate more than
someone who mechanically goes about
sex. Somehow women everywhere are
convinced sex should be about emotions
and other crap. So, if you want to get rid of
her, don’t make her feel special in bed – as
simple as that. “Making love is a very
special thing, but for some reason my ex
couldn’t make me feel ‘special’, and as silly
as it sounds, I dumped him right at that
moment,” says Ruchira Kumar, 26, a
Research Analyst.
Refuse to trim the hedge
Result in: 3 days
Women are convinced that somehow their
choices between afros, landing strips and
Brazilians are dictated by what men want.
They thus also expect you to do the same.
Refuse to trim the hedge and she’ll be out
the door faster than it takes for you to finish
a cuddle. Some like Ria Sarkar, 23, an art
expert take it one step forward. “If he
refuses to shave down there because he
‘likes himself just the way he is’, then gag
him and kick him out I say.”
Block her on Social Media
Result in: 2 days
Girls would rather walk on hot coals than
admit that they keep a tab on even the
most boring and sundry happenings in your
1PickPlayStation
OVER SEXResult in: 5 days
It’s a widely accepted fact that men are
addicted to video games, even newspapers as
respected for their journalism like the Daily
Mail say one in every ten gamers have turned
sex to play Call of Duty, FIFA or GTA. So
what if you can’t tell a Kinect from a Kindle?
Pretend you were born holding the remote
and tell her you’d rather score a goal than
tickle her rough. “I get it that you are a video
game junkie, but if you choose that over a
night of passionate lovemaking, I am going to
break up with you,” says Sameeksha Arora,
28, HR professional.
clearly means he is not interested in me
anymore,” says Shivani Desai, a 26-year old
marketing professional. Learning from
Shivani’s experience, the most successful
excuses are ‘I am tired’ and ‘you eat my
head’ every time she tries talking to you.
Flash your ‘undies’
Result in: 14 days
Even if you are as paranoid as a girl every
time you bend, hoping your low waist jeans
don’t slip off, it’s still not cool to let your
bum out for some fresh air. Girls, it turns
out, aren’t fans of men showing off their
underwear like they show off their
fluorescent bras under threadbare white
shirts. So buy short shirts, wear them
untucked and bend over to tie your laces
everywhere from an office party to when
you meet her friends. “It’s such a social
embarrassment! Low waist denims are still
okay, but flashing your Calvin Klein or
FCUK underwear band is not okay at all,”
says the 27-year old Dipti Malhotra, a
freelance photographer.
Borrow money
Result in: 7 days
All that crap about being independent and
all that is just bunkum. Women might say
they want to split the cheque, but they still
refuse to lend you any money. “He
borrowed money for fuel. Sad! He
borrowed money for liquor. Very sad! He
borrowed money for clothes. Very, very sad!
That was the end,” says Saumya Srivastava,
Result in: 2 days
So you are more paranoid about
knocking her up than she is and
say a quiet prayer every time
she gets her period – she
doesn’t need to know that.
Statistics will prove that an
obscenely large number of
women are hyper-chondriacs
and an even larger number still
hates visiting a gynac, so
suggest going commando to
her. Rohini Singh, 26, journalist
agrees. “If wearing a condom is
restricting his true genius, then
we’re happy to say bye-bye. For
us, it’s 28 days of mental torture
and suicidal thoughts!”
Go off
condoms!
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3. and going out with him became so
inconvenient that I decided to call it quits!”
Don’t fight at all
Result in: 30 days
Women like fights and not because they
like the sex after a fight, they just like a
fight. And this is easier to execute than a
shave. Buy a stress ball, dig your nails into
your palm and bite your tongue because
the nail marks will be a small price to pay.
Shilpa Thorat, 26-years old said goodbye
to her gentleman called because he didn’t
pick even one fight in a month. “No two
people can agree on everything all the time
Result in: 1 day
Birthdays, anniversaries, etc. are
big occasions for girls to recieve
more presents and be treated like
Kate Middleton, so what happens
when you take her to McD for
her birthday? She’d not only get
rid off you, but she’ll also want to
punch a hole in your car door.
“When Mr Right took me to
McDonald’s for my birthday, I
knew that was it. Who takes you
to a bloody burger joint for your
birthday?” asks Ishita Sharma, 27,
media professional.
Own more
hair
PRODUCTS
THAN her
3
and arguments are bound to happen. It’s
normal to disagree.”
Grow an ear moustache
Result in: 2 days
Every morning you spend more time with
a nasal trimmer than on the pot, but all
you have to do to get rid of her is to stop.
Natasha Bajaj, a 28-year-old Marketing
Professional got creeped out when she
saw hair coming out of her date’s ears.
“My friend set me up with this really cute
guy and I was psyched to meet him right
until I saw a bunch of hair peeping out of
his ears. I faked a call and left soon after,”
she recalls.
Result in: 15 days
“Everyone appreciates a man
with good hair, but a man
obsessed with his hair? Now
that’s something I had never
expected,” says Ishwari Thopte,
26, a Fashion Communications
Professional. Apparently if you
own three different kinds of
shampoos, are constantly
fretting about the weather and
the perfect conditioner, it will
convince her you are a sissy and
thus not fit for commitment.
“My ex’s bathroom shelves were
decked with countless hair
sprays and gels and I had
enough of his ‘looking in the
mirror to fix my hair one last
time’ nonsense,” adds Thopte.
4life. Do anything to interrupt her snooping
around and she’d be convinced you’re
cheating on her. There’d be some
dramatics and tears, but she will stop
dreaming of white hedges and stop picking
baby names. “I’m your girlfriend, so you
better not dare to delete me from FB and
BBM, and block me on WhatsApp, else
you’re asking for trouble,” says 24-years old
Aman Preet. In fact, for Neharika Sharma,
25, a Fashion Writer, deleting or blocking
her on social media platforms hints there is
something else at play. “My ex told me he
was sleeping early as he had work
tomorrow, but I checked on WhatsApp
that he was last seen online at 3am.
Questions like ‘is he cheating on me or was
he chatting with that bitch’ beckoned me to
call things off!”
Call her incessantly
Result in: 5-8 hours
Refer to the previous point. Even though
there is someone psychotic or at least
moderately nuts inside every woman, the
same behaviour by you deems you
suspicious, clingy and a roach. So even
though she’d give you hell every time you
miss a call, or you’d get out of a meeting
to find 78 missed calls – if you do the
same you are bad news. “I felt uneasy
around him – he used to call me at work,
when my parents were visiting or every
time I was out with my friends. I told him
I’ve given up my phone,” laughs Mehak
Rampal, 25, a media professional.
Eat ketchup with
everything
Result in: 30 days
Turns out, eating too much ketchup turns
off girls big time. Astonishingly, many girls
said that the smell of ketchup also grosses
them out. Ruchika Batra, 23, a Picture
Editor with a magazine, got rid of a fella
who drowned not only burgers and
sandwiches with ketchup, but poured it on
ice creams and milk shakes too!
Diss Bieber
Result in: 14 days
Most girls on the upside of 23 might insist
they love Metallica and old school rock, but
somewhere in a secret folder on her iPod
will be Baby, Baby, Baby, Oh by that
dastardly girl-boy Bieber. “So what’s wrong
in that,” asks 25-years old dancer, Ipshita
Kaul. “If I tolerate your headache inducing
trance and rock, then you better love my
Bieber songs. Like it or not, I am a true
Belieber and dumped my guy for hating JB
just because the world thinks he’s got no
talent.” All you have to do is constantly diss
him. Shouldn’t be that difficult.
Watch porn around her
Result in: 7 days
Studies have showed that 66% of Internet
using 18 to 34-year-old men look at online
pornography – add to this the fact that
women work on the general assumption
that porn is our single biggest objective on
the internet and you have a foolproof
excuse. All you have to do is play into the
cliché. “I dumped my guy as he used to
watch too much porn without caring for the
real action! Boy, you may think you are a
worshipper of a woman’s body, but I prefer
someone who wears his heart on his sleeve
rather than permanently flexing his right
hand,” says Ekta Sharma Bhatnagar, a
30-year old journalist.
Snort when you laugh
Result in: 5 days
This reason is pretty self-explanatory. You
have an annoying voice and laugh, and she
will happily walk away from you. Something
like this happened with 26-year-old Gopika
Kumria, a Merchandiser with an export
house. “I really didn’t want to go through
life trying not to laugh in front of him just to
avoid hearing his snort-hiccup-laugh, so I
politely shooed him away.”
Eat Meat all the time
Result in: 20 days
For Anupriya Jolly, 26, a journalist, eating
too much non-veg was a good reason to
start seeing other people. “It’s not the last
time that the human race is getting to eat
Butter Chicken, so control yourself dude. I
told my ex to behave and not act like a pig,
but his hands were perpetually messy with
food. That was it, I told him to get lost.”
Other vegetarian girls confess that sucking
face with a guy after he has eaten two
plates of Mutton Quorma is just pushing it.
Be vegetarian!
Result in: 20 days
Being a vegetarian is equally bad too –
since women live to share food. “You have
no idea how big a problem it is,” sighs
Prerna Rijhwani, 27, a sales professional. “I
was seeing this guy who was a vegetarian
Take her
to McD
FOR B’DAY
LUNCH
SHUN COLOGNE
Result in: 2 days
Shun the Armani and the 30 other
perfumes whose names you can’t even
pronounce. Women love the smell of their
man – rather they love the smell of Gucci
or Armani on their man. Smell like old
underwear and that’s all it will ever take.
“We’re not asking for something really big. I
loved how my ex smelled and that’s the first
thing that attracted me to him, but when he
insisted on not wearing a cologne or deo,
even after a one-hour workout, then I told
him I smelled trouble,” says Pooja Chandra,
27, Store Manager.
Diss her clothes!
Result in: 10 days
Women are always dressed to the gills each
time they step out, so dissing her clothes
and cribbing about her shoes not matching
her dress means hitting her where it hurts
the most. “This guy I dated seemed great
until the day he started nitpicking about my
clothes. I didn’t know whether to be
annoyed or concerned about his interfering
behaviour, so I told him to leave,” Neti Jolly,
27, Fashion Designer tells says.
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