This document discusses the experiences and lessons learned by a professional dominatrix. In three sentences: The author discusses how she would answer questions about her job as a dominatrix at social events, either saying she owns a small business or directly stating her profession. She then aims to dispel myths about dominatrix work, explaining that her focus is on consensual power dynamics and psychological release rather than traditional sex acts or violence. The author also shares life lessons she has gained from her work, such as the importance of clear communication, asking for what you want, embracing confidence, and recognizing that power can manifest in many forms beyond physical intimidation.

1. Life Lessons From a Professional
Dominatrix

2. In America, we are defined by our jobs. So when
I’d be at a friends BBQ or a dinner party, that
question would inevitably be asked of me…
“So, what do you do for a living?”
For many years, that question made my heart
skip a beat
It wasn’t a simple question to answer,

3. Depending on my mood, I would answer one of two
ways.
I’d say: I’m an entrepreneur, I own a small business.
They’d say: you’re so lucky, you can do whatever
you want!
but we all know that saying is true, we’ll work 18
hours for ourselves rather than 8 for someone else!

4. or if I’m feeling a little sensationalistic, I’ll come
right out with it and…
I’ll Say: “I’m a professional dominatrix!”
They Say: *silence, mouth open*

5. They typically give me “the look”
The look that illustrates the shocking
incongruity: this nice “normal” person
does, illicit things for a living.
There’s a lot of mystery & misunderstanding
that surrounds the world I work in.

6. Like being an entrepreneur, being a ProDomme
comes with a lot of myths, so I’m going to take a
moment to bust those before we move on, that
way we’re all on the same page about what it is
that I *do* so that with it is that I’ve *learned*
will make more sense.

7. What IS a Professional Dominatrix?
What is ISN’T:
Myths:
Must have black hair,
Must be angry,
Must hate Men,
Must be violent

8. My focus is on power dynamics.
In this big out-of-control world it’s really seductive
& powerful to create a space where you “take
control” or “give up control” consensually
being able to provide that space has created an
opportunity for hundreds of profound encounters
with the deepest and frequently most secret side of
people.

9. I do not professional engage in ‘traditional’ sexual
acts.
I engage in what is called, “Clothed Female, Naked
male” which is exactly what it sounds like.
My clients come to me for PSYCHOLOGICAL
release, and while there certainly are physical
activities (flogging, puppy play, sploshing) the goal
of all of these actions is the mental experience.

10. I give good mind fuck.

11. So, like entrepreneuralisp, the nitty gritty is
often misunderstood.
And, like entrepreneuralship, I’ve learned things
about myself, and the world I live in because of
get an ‘in the trenches’ education.

12. Make sure you’re using the same
dictionary.
Point: Communication is harder when you’re not
speaking the same language. Words need to
have nuance & context defined
Story: Wimpy is a Vulcan
Application: Sit down & establish: When I say
this, it means this, and I expect this.

13. Asking for what you want
Point: When you get comfortable asking for what
you want in the bedroom, asking for what you want
in less charged situations gets a lot easier
Story: You can’t top from the bottom, toys need
instructions
Application: You give the other person the
opportunity to give you exactly what you want OR
to negotiate from there. But being proactive gets
you closer to getting what you want.

14. Fake it till you make it – confidence
Point: Roleplay isn’t just cowboys & naughty nurses. Role
someone with confidence until you have confidence yourself.
Story: a woman came to my role-play class on a friday
night, then had the chance to present at the same event the
next day, for the first time ever. She was nervous so she
‘roleplayed’ me (someone she perceived as confident) and her
class was a success. When I ran into her later that day I told
her that I role play “me” sometimes too
Application: Whether you’re walking into a meeting, exploring
new sex fun, or whatever, pretend like you’re someone

15. Not everything has to be a circus
Point: Make time for it in your life in whatever
way you can. Let things have a shorter “arc” so
you can still feel satisfaction.
Story: Wimpy doing the dishes, become the dish
bitch, take a few moments
Real Life Application: What can you do in 2
minutes to improve a skill, relationship, work

16. Power dynamics are everywhere
Point: People think that being rude, or blustery or
physically intimidating is the only way to be
powerful and that the flip side is that is that being
polite & quiet is weak.
Story: My Dommeities, it actually made me less
powerful in peoples eyes. Now a decade later, my
power is centered in a more quiet confidence (not
that I’m ever quiet) I’m much more powerful, and I
also happen to be alot more polite.
Application: Power manifests in many ways.

17. Wrap Up