Dads on the Inside - Activity Book (Free)

Table of Contents
Introduction..................................................................................................................8
Activities....................................................................................................................13
Getting In Shape.........................................................................................................14
Book On Tape.............................................................................................................15
Personalize A Book....................................................................................................16
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.......................................................................................17
The Kitchen Is Open!.................................................................................................18
The Fun of Crochet....................................................................................................19
Lessons I've Learned..................................................................................................20
Cut It Out!..................................................................................................................21
Subscribe to a Magazine.............................................................................................22
The Big Game............................................................................................................23
When I Grow Up........................................................................................................24
I Love You..................................................................................................................25
Long Distance Kiss....................................................................................................26
Time to Color..............................................................................................................27
Candy Countdown......................................................................................................28
A Silly Story...............................................................................................................29
Here's A Thought........................................................................................................30
Cloud Watching..........................................................................................................31
New Year Goals..........................................................................................................32
Phone Scavenger Hunt...............................................................................................33
The Sound of Music...................................................................................................34
Radio Dedication........................................................................................................35
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What I've Learned at the Chapel................................................................................36
20 Questions...............................................................................................................37
A Family Holiday.......................................................................................................38
Child Mentoring.........................................................................................................39
Coupon Book..............................................................................................................40
Safe Surfing................................................................................................................41
Know Your Rights......................................................................................................42
Random Acts of Kindness..........................................................................................43
Meet My Friends........................................................................................................44
Picture Perfect............................................................................................................45
Custom Bookmarks....................................................................................................46
I-Spy...........................................................................................................................47
Scrap Attack...............................................................................................................48
Million Dollar Weekend.............................................................................................49
Let's Gets Down to Business......................................................................................50
Top Ten Lists..............................................................................................................51
Visiting Day................................................................................................................52
A Class in Parenting...................................................................................................54
Checkmate..................................................................................................................55
Positive and Negative.................................................................................................56
Cool Letters…………………………………..…..........……............................……57
Phone Quiz……………………………............................................................…….58
Puzzles, Mazes and Things………...…………………………….…........................69
This is Dedicated to………….……………........…………..…………………….....60
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Share this Book…………………….……………..................…...…………………62
Additional Activities……………………………….……………............…………..63
Creating A Re-Entry Plan…………………………….…………………..........……65
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" I always felt ashamed to contact my son, Freddy. I pretended if I wasn't around him
then he wouldn't miss me. I guess it was "out of sight, out of mind". In the parenting
class I found the strength to write him. I apologized to him from the bottom of my
soul. I told him I was selfish and that when I was committing crimes, I wasn't
thinking of him. I told him that I probably wasn't thinking of myself. I asked him to
give me another chance to be a real father and that by being a real father I'd accept
responsibility then I have ever accepted before. I only have three years left in here
and we could build a great life and we could teach each other new things. I told him
that if he wanted, he could call his mother, his grandmother, and she'd take him up
here to see me. I wasn't sure how he would respond to the letter. I was pretty nervous
about the whole thing. I was really afraid that he would hate me or even worse,
pretend that I no longer existed. Last Sunday, he came up with my mom and visited
me. I'm thirty years old and I held him in my arms and cried. I don't think I've ever
been so happy and grateful for anything in my life."
-William
William is one of the many whose father affected by incarceration every year in the
United States.
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To my family for their constant love and support.
And to my daughter, Madison, who inspired this book.
7

Introduction
Why I wrote this book:
If you are reading this book, you’re most likely incarcerated or you know someone
who is. The number of incarcerated individuals is growing every year in the United
States. In addition, 3 in 100 American children will go to seep tonight with a parent
behind bars.
I decided to write this book while serving time in a Texas federal prison - a place I
thought I would never have to experience. But here I am sitting on my bunk on an
average Sunday evening in the year 2010 writing this introduction. Other inmates
tell me that this prison isn’t so bad compared to others. They say I'm lucky to be
serving my time at Seagoville FCI. For the most part, I agree with them. Seagoville
is a low security facility with minimal violence and fairly relaxed rules. But serving
time at any prison is difficult, on the person incarcerated and their families and
children.
When I was growing up I told my family that I never wanted to be a part-time dad.
A dad who is involved in their child’s like is a value that I held high. I still do to this
day.
Can an incarcerated dad be involved in their child's life behind bars and razor
wire? Can a dad help raise their child by writing letters and talking over the phone?
YES! You can still be a good dad from prison - a dad that offers helpful advice,
positive reinforcement, and a sympathetic ear when your child needs someone to talk
to.
Over the past two years since I’ve been in prison, I have worked very hard to
communicate and maintain a healthy relationship with my daughter Madison. I have
overcome several legal obstacles in order to uphold my parental right and phone call
visitation.
If you are dealing with child custody or visitation issues because of your
incarceration or you’re unsure how to connect with your child during your prison
sentence, this book should help you. It contains valuable resources of organizations
that help in aiding fathers in prison. Also, in the back of the book (not available with
e-book version) I have included a dozen sets of colorful stationary that you can use
to write letters to your child. In addition, there is a re-entry plan.
There are only a small amount of books that pertain to activities or ideas to help
dads connect with their children from prison. This lack of information surprised me.
Though most prison facilities do offer parenting classes and other basic reading
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material for fathers in prison, it is my hope that "Dads on the Inside" becomes an
additional tool in helping build and maintain relationships.
Whatever your current situation - if your serving 6 months or 30 years, it’s my
desire that this book brings you renewed hope. You can remain involved in your
child's life even though you're separated. Try maintaining or re-opening lines of
communication by using the activities detailed in this book. Some may work, others
may not. Even if you try only one activity, this is a start to a more positive
relationship with your child.
Do you know other dads in prison that may benefit by reading this book? If you're
willing, pass it along to them. Have fun with the activities and cherish the time with
your child. Don't forget to tell them you love them!
Is Maintaining Ties with your Child From Prison Beneficial?
Statistics show that abiding family bonds are the strongest predictor of a successful
prison re-entry. Children who form bonds with their incarcerated parents help to
build successful development. For the exception of when the child is in immediate
danger because of the parent, communicating from prison is beneficial. Furthermore,
research suggests that contact between prisoners and their children benefits both
parties reducing the chance of parents returning to prison and improving the
emotional life of their children.
Children of incarcerated parents often times carry tremendous burdens. They may
have to deal with the stigma of their mom or dad (or both) being in prison, and often
fear for their parents safety and well being. Depression, anger and shame are a few
emotional symptoms your child may be suffering from. One study found many
children with symptoms of post-traumatic stress reaction, difficulty sleeping or
concentrating, and even flashbacks to their parent’s crimes or arrests. Many of the
children do not receive the required support they need as they "do time" alongside
their parents.
It is not my intention to upset you with these statistics. Rather, I would like to
make clear that communication with your child is very important. Having a
relationship with your child during incarceration won't erase the stigma or burdens
your child may be facing, but it will offer your child emotional support. Even if your
child is being cared for by his or her mother, step-father, or another friend or relative,
you are still needed in their life.
Incarcerated Fathers do have Parental Rights
Try to work with your child’s mother or caretaker regarding letter, phone and in-
person visitation while you’re in prison. If you are able to work out a communication
plan, you can avoid the family court system. On the other hand, if your parental
rights are intact and you're being alienated from your child due to resentment from
the mother, or caretaker, or other possible factors related to your crime or
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incarceration, you should consider hiring a legal professional to defend you for
adequate parenting time.
Incarceration is not a precursor for automatically losing your parental right even if
you were divorced or never married to your child’s mother. In some states, a felony
conviction is grounds for the parent to challenge the rights in family court of the
incarcerated parent. The court will look at the nature of the crime, length of
incarceration, and especially the best interest of the child.
If the court terminates your parental rights, you will no longer have the ability to
mandate visitation time. Any form of communication in the future will be up to the
child’s mother or legal guardian. He or she will not be legally forced to allow you
communication with your child since your legal rights are void. Since your legal
rights are void, the child's guardian will not be legally forced to allow you
communication with your child.
As stated earlier, if you maintain your parental rights, you have the legal right to
speak with your child. Please refer to the resource section of this book for
organizations that can help you in legal matters that may arise. In some parental
custody battles, a family court hearing with lawyers and a judge may be the only
option. It is possible you will not be required to appear in court since you're
incarcerated. The judge may agree to hold a conference call during the hearing.
Cooperative communication with your child’s mother or caretaker is the best
option for all parties. Children never want to feel like they’re in the middle of a
family feud. Do what you can to work with your child's legal guardian. Use your
time by educating yourself on family law and parental rights. Don't assume since
you've been arrested and incarcerated, you can no longer be a parent, or that your
crime automatically disqualifies you to a healthy and positive life with your child.
A Brief Word on Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome:
Parental Alienation (PA) affects both mothers and fathers, inside and outside of
prison. PA is only acceptable when immediate danger or a potential threat to the
child exists. (This needs to be proven legally before termination of parental rights).
If this danger is absent, incarcerated or otherwise, a parent should not be alienated
from their child.
The definition of Parental Alienation Syndrome is: “A term used in child custody
cases to describe one parent’s manipulation of a child to harm the other parent.” PA
and PAS happens frequently because of divorce cases across the country and is only
intensified and complicated by incarceration of a parent. Unfortunately, many
parents including myself have suffered some form of alienation due to the other
parent denying visits, phone calls, and letter writing.
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In my own case, I felt PAS was a factor especially in the first two years of my
incarceration. Because I was not offered my daughter’s home phone number, and
was unable to speak with my daughter until a judge ordered phone call visitation. (I
did not have a visitation order filed in court before I was arrested. I had no power to
enforce contact with my daughter until a judge ordered a schedule). After a 2009
court battle, I called my daughter after 18 months of no contact. Hearing her voice
after so much lost time was a blessing I will never forget. Though I’ve spoken to her,
I have not seen her since November 2007, one month before my self-surrender to
FCI Seagoville.
Dr. Douglas Darnell, from his book “Divorce Casualties”, outlines characteristics
of Parental Alienation in three varying factors. I have included these below.
The Naïve Alienator:
 Their ability to feel secure with the children's relationship with the other
parent's family
 Their respect for court orders and authority.
 Their ability to allow the other parent to share in their children's activities.
 Their ability to be flexible and willing to work with the other parent.
 Their ability to let their anger and hurt heal and not interfere with the
children's relationship with their mother or father.
The Active Alienator:
 Lashing out at the other parent in front of the children. Their problem has
more to do with loss of self-control when they are upset than with a sinister
motivation.
 After calming down, the active alienators realize that they were wrong. They
usually try to repair the damage to the children. When making up, such
parents can be comforting and supportive of the child’s feelings.
 Like naive alienators, they and are able to differentiate between their needs
and those of the children by supporting the children’s desire to have a
relationship with the other parent.
 Like naive alienators, active alienators allow the children to have different
feelings and beliefs from their own. During the flair ups of anger, however,
the delineation between the child and parent’s beliefs can become blurry
until the parent calms down and regains control. For the most part, older
children have their own opinions about both parents based on personal
experience rather than what they are told by others.
 Their ability to respect the court's authority and, for the most part, comply
with court orders. However, they can sometimes be rigid and uncooperative
with the other parent. This is usually a passive attempt to strike back at the
other parent for some injustice.
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The Obsessed Alienator:
 Their obsession to destroy the children’s relationship with the targeted
parent.
 Their success in enmeshing the children’s personalities and beliefs about
the other parent with their own. The children will parrot the obsessed
alienator rather than express their own feelings from personal experience
with the other parent. The targeted parent, and often the children, cannot
tell you the reasons for the obsessed alienator’s feelings.
 Their unquenchable anger. They believe they have been victimized by the
targeted parent and whatever they do to protect the children is justified.
 Their desire for the court to punish the other parent with court orders' that
would interfere or block the parent from seeing the children. This would
affirm in the obsessed alienator’s mind that they were right.
 The court's authority does not intimidate them. The obsessed alienator
believes in a higher cause: protecting the children at all cost.
This book was written to help incarcerated fathers maintain a relationship with
their child(ren) despite barriers including distance, the stigma or prison, and the
forces of parental alienation. It upsets me to hear about fathers in prison, including
fathers here that I’ve spoken that are unable to talk or see their child due to these
factors. Don’t give up hope if you are facing a similar situation. The most important
thing to remember when you’re dealing with PA or PAS, is to not blame your child.
Most children who are in a PA or PAS situation learn to copy or "parrot" the
alienating parent as described by Dr. Darnell. Speak with an attorney if you suspect
or notice negative change in the way your child relates to you or your incarceration.
If alienation continues over a period of time, it can be extremely difficult to reverse
the negative psychological programming experienced by the child. In these types of
cases, a future relationship between the targeted parent and the child, is near
impossible.
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Now to the Activities:
There are 75 activities in this book for incarcerated fathers and their child(ren).
Most of the activities list the required supplies you will need. Also, I've included a
scale rating the ease of an activity - l being the easiest, 5 the most difficult.
Depending on your security level, prison facility, and access to certain materials, not
all activities will be possible.
Unlike other books targeted to parenting from a distance, all the activities in this
book are written for the incarcerated father who severely limited in their day to day
lives.
I hope this book helps you and your child develop a happy and loving bond
through fun and positive communication.
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GETTING IN SHAPE
What You’ll Need: Exercise equipment or recreation yard, mail supplies.
Ease Scale: 2
While you’re incarcerated, staying in good physical shape is important for proper
emotional health. If you are in a state or federal prison, there will be areas set aside
for exercise such as a “weight pile”, or recreation yard.
Even if you don't have access to a rec area, you can still get in shape by taking
advantage of other spaces such as your room or cell, housing unit, or compound
area. If all you’re able to do is pushups or sit-ups, that’s fine since any type of
movement is better than none.
So how do you get your child involved? Write an exercise program that both of
you can accomplish over a period of time. Send a copy of your schedule so he or she
can follow along with you from home. Make sure to not to over do it. If your child is
younger, than perhaps a few pushups a day would be a beneficial amount of
exercise. If you have a teenager, you can structure a more challenging program –
pushups, running and walking, lifting weights, etc.
Getting in shape is a great idea to motivate your child and yourself to strive for a
healthier lifestyle. Over time, your schedule may turn into friendly competition.
Who can do more pull-ups? Who can bench press the most weight? (have a parent,
or guardian supervise your child around weight machines.) Call or write your child
to see how their progress is coming. This activity can be even more special if you set
a scheduled day and time when both of you can exercise. Your body and mind will
be dedicated knowing your child is also working on maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
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BOOK ON TAPE
What you'11 need: A cooperating facility
Ease Scale: 5
(See the resource page for more information on this activity)
The sound of your voice is priceless. Take time to read a book to your child on
cassette or video tape. Federal facilities will not allow inmates to acquire media
devices, but there are other options.
Check with staff' to see if your prison works with outside organizations such as
“Reading is Fundamental” (RIF program). This program offers incarcerated parents
two books to read on video or tape cassette to their child. Prison staff may be willing
to organize a RIF event for inmates that have an interest in promoting reading skills
to their children.
If your facility already offers the RIF program or something similar, take
advantage of the program. Some tips during the recording may include: speak slowly
and clear, try not to sound nervous or unnatural (easier said than done!) and imagine
your child is laying close to you tucked warmly in their bed listening to you read a
good night story. Explain on the tape that when they’re sad or lonely, they can replay
the story over and over whenever they wish. You can even be silly and re-write a
goofy version of the story or add a message at the end.
Use the power of voice and the magic of a childcare's story to help both of you
become close across the miles.
15

PERSONALIZE A BOOK
What you’ll need: A children’s book, labels or plain stickers, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 4
“Once upon a time, there was a special child named Natasha who loved to read…”
Children love personalized gifts and books that feature their personal name. This
activity is fairly easy especially if you already have a children’s book you can use.
Take white labels or pain white stickers, or anything you can find to cover up the
text in the book so you can insert your child's name. You may want to consider
adding your child's friends names into the story for a more personal touch.
If your child is too young to read, have someone you know well read the story. Or,
if your child is old enough, share the story over the phone. Kids love a great book! It
makes them feel special, and offers them ways to be creative.
Using labels to cover the original characters names is a quick and easy way to
personalize your book. However if you have the money, and would like to send your
child a more professional personalized book, there are companies that offer this
service for a modest fee. Ask a family member to search the internet for options. “…
and Natasha lived happily ever after. The End.”
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TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
What you’ll need: $$, caretaker
Ease Scale: 3
If you want to surprise your child have a start named after them! This is a great gift
idea for a special occasion, holiday or just because. Unlike gifts that don’t last long,
a star will last forever.
I’ve had the change to use the company International Star Registry. They offer a
certificate with the star’s name, telescope coordinates, dedication date, plus a sky
chart that pinpoints the start you named for your child. I wish they had this when I
was growing up!
In prison, extra money is hard to come by. Naming a star can be fairly expensive
for an inmate (up to $100.00 or more). Maybe a caretaker, family member or friend
would be willing to help you with the cost. Remember, you will need to fill out the
required forms so your facility can deduct the funds from your inmate account. A
person on the outside can also make the purchase for you on the internet or over the
phone.
If you can invest in the cost, your child will love looking up in the night sky and
locating his or her personal star. Call your child to share in their excitement.
Hopefully their caretaker can help your child locate the star using a telescope.
Though you won’t have access to a telescope, you can find the general area on a
constellation map or from the information provided by the company that registered
the star.
17

THE KITCHEN IS OPEN!
What you’ll need: Magazines/newspapers, mail supplies, caretaker
Ease Scale: 2
Rich chocolate brownies with almonds…double chocolate chip cookies…a cake
topped with white, fluffy frosting…wow, sounds good!
Does your child love to cook? Maybe he just enjoys helping in the kitchen? If
there is a caretaker at home that can supervise your son or daughter, try to encourage
their cooking abilities at home. A lot of home and lifestyle magazines contain
recipes. Clip them out and send a few to your children, or if you want to be creative,
create your own recipe.
I know it may be tough to think of mouth watering food, but the good news is your
child will learn how to turn a mix of ingredients into a finished meal. And, the idea
came from you which is the most important thing to remember.
Check up on your child either through mail or phone to find out how their cooking
turned out. If it wasn’t edible, encourage them to try again, and with time and
patience, their cooking will improve. Maybe you could even ask your child to help
you make the same recipe together when you are released. Also, have a caretaker
snap photos of your child cooking so you can cherish the memories.
For great recipes, check out “Country Magazine” – they print recipes inside their
family oriented magazine.
18

THE FUN OF CROCHET
What you'll need: Sewing supplies, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 4
The best gifts are homemade! If your good at sewing or crocheting, make your
child a special gift. You can learn quickly by reading books or utilizing your
‘facilities’ hobby shop. Here is your chance to create a masterpiece for your son- or
daughter. Your facility may even have a class for beginners, or another inmate may
offer his time by helping you the basics. A handmade blanket would be nice for a
baby, or a scarf for an older child or teenager. This is one area that I don't excel in,
but I've heard others say it’s not difficult to learn.
If you can’t sew or really don’t want to learn, then search for a friend that already
has a completed project. You may be able to purchase the item and mail it to your
child.
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LESSONS I’VE LEARNED
What you'll need: Mail supplies
Ease Scale: 1
This idea has many possibilities. I would recommend this project for an older
teenager that’s able to comprehend the reason you are in prison.
Society can sometimes judge or discourage the incarcerated. They may say
inmates are all “bad” people and are unable to parent from prison effectively. Try not
to let these biases upset you. You CAN parent from prison and teach your child
valuable lessons. I understand, especially if your child is older, he or she may be
upset because you broke the law and went to prison. Now is the time if you haven't
already, to show your child that you're working on yourself. Start a "Lessons I’ve
Learned" journal for your son or daughter. Spend an hour a week and write down
how you are improving yourself, and how you’ve taken a negative situation and
turned it into a learning experience. You may want to choose to mail you journal
when your child is older - it could become a “life manual” for them during tough
adult decisions. Of course you have the option to make a journal that is less serious
for a younger child.
Take the time and write down your true feelings. Writing is a wonderful
therapeutic way to release emotions and get to know yourself better, and your child.
If you’re an inspiring artist, add your artistic abilities to your journal entries like
cartoons, sketches or stick figures!
20

CUT IT OUT!
What you’ll need: Magazines/newspapers, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 1
Magazines and newspaper are some of the few resources for information in prison.
Though not as fast and convenient as the internet for locating facts and information,
they are still enjoyable. Some would even say more so because they prefer actually
holding a magazine or newspaper in their hands instead of looking at a computer
screen.
I’m sure your child has many interests. Does he enjoy video games? What about
an interest in fast cars, or Barbie dolls for your daughter? The interests children have
are endless. Perhaps your teenager is preparing for college? A lot of magazines
contain ads for school and universities. Even though an older child may have access
to these resources online or through a library, they’ll still look forward to your
mailings. You can send them every week, month or whenever possible.
21

SUBSCRIBE TO A MAGAZINE
What you’ll need: $$, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 3
Speaking of magazines, if you have the money available, purchase a magazine
subscription for your child. There are many options…
Some of the more popular magazines for children include: Children’s Digest,
Discovery Girls, Disney’s Princess, Jack and Jill, Nickelodeon, Ranger Rick; and for
teens: J-14, Teen Vogue and Seventeen.
Most prison facilities offer a form for an “outside order”. The money for the
magazine will be deducted from your account and the item will then be shipped to
your child.
During my incarceration, I had the chance to order a magazine for my daughter. I
loved doing this for her because it became a monthly reminder of me! And of course
she loved reading and looking at dolls in her American Doll Magazine.
If you’re unable to order gifts through your inmate account, have a friend or
family member subscribe to the magazine online or through mail. This is a faster
way for processing since most institutions take a long time (several weeks) to
process and order that originated from the prison.
Expect to pay anywhere between $4.99 to $29.99 for a one-year subscription.
22

THE BIG GAME
What you’ll need: A television, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 2
This activity works better with an older child or teenager. If you and your child
love sports, then let’s play ball!
In prison, TV can be a wonderful way to put your mind elsewhere at least for a
while, and sports are no exception. Most children love the thrill of watching sports
(except for golf!).
Let's take the game of football for example - before the season begins, choose your
winning teams all the way to the Superbowl, and then compare with your child’s
picks. Who chose the most winning teams? Have fun with it...talk to your child over
the phone about the winning and losing teams each week (or month) as the season
progresses. After the season is over, mail your picks (you can make this as simple as
a list or a detailed color graph) to your child and ask them to mail their choices back.
It’s not as good as playing catch or playing ball, but you can still enjoy taking part
in your child’s excitement and enthusiasm. Whomever chose the most winning
teams, will have bragging right for a long time!
23

WHEN I GROW UP
What you’ll need: Books/magazines, library access, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 2
Children love to talk about what they want to be when they grow up. Does your
child want to be a firefighter? How about a professional baseball player? Maybe a
ballerina? Taking an interest in your child's future dream is a wonderful way to
connect. Most likely, you currently have no access to the internet, but there are ways
you can take an active part in researching your child’s hopes and dreams. Refer to
magazines and books at your facilities library. Find out if they offer an inter-loan
library program ILL so you can order books from public libraries.
Most likely your child will change her mind at least a hundred times about what he
or she wants to be, but that’s the fun of growing up. The important thing is to take
the time and think about your child’s interest. You can even make copies of ideas
from books and then mail them home. If you don’t have access to a copy machine,
talk to your child over the phone about your discoveries. You child will feel loved
and cared for because of your honest interest in their future.
24

I LOVE YOU
What you’ll need: mail supplies
Ease Scale: 1
You can never tell your child that you love them too much. If you have limited
supplies, this idea is rated 1 on the ease scale. All you need is a pen, and a piece of
paper, envelope, and a stamp.
Some children of incarcerated parents are confused and may have abandonment
issues with the absent parent. To help curb this problem, communication with your
child is key during incarceration. One way to let them know you still care and love
them, is to simply tell them over and over.
Try this during the next week or month (any time length will do), write down
things you love about your child. It’s as simple as that. Do you love the way you
child laughs or how he or she is so caring? You can make your list as personal as you
choose depending on their age. What about the way your son celebrates after
winning his school’s baseball game? Or maybe you would like to tell your teenage
daughter that you love her because of her compassion for others.
When your list is complete, mail it home so your child has a written reminder of
your unconditional love for them. Love can travel any distance, and just because you
are incarcerated doesn’t mean bars and fences can block the love you have for your
child.
25

LONG DISTANCE KISS
What you’ll need: Mail supplies
Ease Scale: 1
Do you know the saying: “Sealed with a Kiss?” You can make your letters to your
child special by adding a personal kiss.
Next time you write a letter to your child, kiss a certain spot on the paper and
circle the area. Let your child know this area is special because it’s a long distance
kiss reserved just for them. When they feel lonely or scared, the kiss can be a
reminder of your love for them. Even though you are away, does not mean you don’t
love them anymore. Whenever they want a kiss from you all they have to do is lift
the area of the paper where you kissed up to their lips or cheek.
I like this idea because it’s so easy to do and it costs nothing. A long distance kiss
is a gift from the heart rather than a material gift. Plus it’s a chance for you to show
your affection.
If your child doesn’t mind a lot of affection, take this activity and make it even
more special. Kiss areas of white or colored paper and cut your kisses out. Don’t
forget to include them in your letter! Your child will have dozens of kissed whenever
they need one. Use crayons, markers, or custom paper to add style to their “kiss
cutouts".
26

TIME TO COLOR
What you’ll need: Tracing paper, pencil/pen, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 2
You’re not required to be an artist to take part in this activity. But if you are, that’s
even better. What dad wouldn’t love to see their children’s artistic ability come alive
on paper? As I mentioned, you don’t have to know how to draw because you will be
using tracing paper. Find something that you can trace (photo etc.) for your child’s
coloring book. Try tracing cartoon characters or comic book heroes. You can even
design a custom book with a number of scenes and characters for your child to color.
Another option is to color a portion of a scene and then ask your child to finish the
rest. This way you are both creating a piece of artwork together. I’m sure your child
will be proud of his art. Ask a caretaker to mail their work back to you for a
keepsake.
A small gesture like making a coloring book, means so much to your child, and at
the same time, you may find that you have a talent for artwork. At least you’ll put a
smile on your child’s, even if they do color outside the lines!
27

CANDY COUNTDOWN
What you’ll need: Caretaker
Ease Scale: 2
IF you don’t have a lot of time left on your prison sentence, this idea is great for a
child who loves chocolate. (What child doesn’t!) You will need your child’s guardian
or caretaker at home to help you with this activity. Next, you’ll need to find out if
your child prefers plain, almond or peanut M&M’s. The number of M&M’s that your
child’s caretaker will put into a jar represents the number of days remaining until
your release from prison. So if you have 100 days left on your prison sentence, fill
the jar with 100 M&M’s (or other small candy). Your child can eat one piece a day
until they’re all gone.
Children love to be interactive. They’ll enjoy counting down the day until you can
be together again. The Candy Countdown gives them a visual of the time you have
left, instead of just a number that may or may not make sense to them.
One thing you want to keep in mind – make sure your release date is fairly
reliable. If your date is changed by a few days, that’s okay. If it’s delayed by weeks
or months, your child will be disappointed and may feel the reason you’re not
coming home on time is due to something they did. If this happens, explain to them
that it’s not their fault, and you will not be able to come home on the day you
expected. Try to comfort them. Start a new countdown if that is what you both agree
on.
If you have access to a phone, share in the anticipation of talking to each other.
You can both talk about the countdown and all that yummy chocolate!
28

A SILLY STORY
Ease Scale: 1
Okay…now is the time to take a break and get silly! This activity is very simple.
You don’t have to be the world’s greatest writer – all you need is creativity and a few
funny ideas.
Prison is a stressful environment. Most of the time it’s too difficult for an authentic
smile. But, I believe if you try this activity, you and your child will share smiles
from a distance.
Grab a pencil and a piece of paper and write one of the funniest and silliest stories
you can come up with. Start with one pr two paragraphs along with a few characters.
Remember, this is supposed to be goofy, so try to let loose! Then after you’ve
completed your first paragraph, mail your party of the story to your child. They will
add their continuation o the story and mail it back to you. There are no rules – except
to have as much fun as possible. Enjoy your child’s imagination and creativity.
You may want to save the story to read again to your son or daughter when they
get older. I’m sure you’ll both laugh at the silly story you created together.
29

HERE’S A THOUGHT…
Ease Scale: 1
You can teach your child values from prison. Net time you write a letter to your
child, add a quote, poem, or scripture that contains a positive message. If your son or
daughter is a teenager, add more deep or insightful messages. Depending on your
letter, here are examples of quotes you may want to consider:
“For there is nothing either bad or good, but thinking makes it so.”
Shakespeare, Hamlet
“He who builds according to every man’s advice, will have a crooked house.”
Danish Proverb
“Help your brothers boat across, and your own will reach the shore.”
Hindu Proverb
“One joy scatters a hundred griefs.”
Chinese Proverb
“Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word.”
Psalms 119:114
You don’t have to include a thought with every letter you send. Occasionally,
include a message that your child can think and ponder, or in a future letter. A simple
thought, quote or poem may help your child to expand his or her mind. If your child
is younger, you can still add a simple, easy to understand thought. Try finding
something that is funny. Check Reader’s Digest (they often have a funny quote
section), or a children’s magazine for ideas.
30

CLOUD WATCHING
Ease Scale: 2
Everyone has looked up in the sky one time or another and was able to see animal
shapes in the white, puffy clouds. Is it a dog? Cat? Or maybe a dinosaur?
Plan a day when you can go outside onto your compound or yard, and look up at
the sky. Try to find animal shapes forming in the clouds. Bring along a sketch pad
and pen, then draw what you see.
Most young children are fascinated with clouds and weather. If you are in a
different state or region as your child, they will be excited to see what type of
weather you experience.
After you draw your shapes, send your drawings home for your child to color. If
he or she shows interest, they can draw what they see in the clouds at their home and
send them to you in the mail.
If the clouds aren’t cooperating, and you’re having a hard time finding animals or
unique shapes, create something from your imagination. Especially if your child is
younger, she will like coloring no matter how amateur your drawing skills may be.
31

NEW YEAR GOALS
What you’ll need: Mail supplies or phone access
Ease Scale: 1
Talking to your child about goals is one activity that shows you care. It also lets
them know you are interested in their self improvement. A new year means a fresh
start, and a good time to set goals for the upcoming year. Being a dad in prison is
difficult because it can be challenging to teach your child valuable lessons from a
distance. To tackle this challenge, try this activity…
Over the phone, as your child what he or she would like to accomplish during the
new year. Younger children will most likely give you a superficial idea, but that’s
OK. If their ideas are positive, encourage them to strive for these goals they’re
interested in meeting.
Is your son failing math in high school? Maybe improving grades is his personal
goal? Whatever your child wants to improve in the new year, listen and give them
advice the best way you can by offering support, guidance, love, compassion, and
understanding. Let them know if their goals go unmet, it’s okay to try again, or to
give it another shot at a later time.
If you don’t have phone access, write your child and ask them to send you a list of
their goals. The way you communicate, either by phone or mail is not important, as
long as your child knows you support them and want the best for their future.
32

PHONE SCAVENGER HUNT
What you’ll need: caretaker, phone access, paper/pencil, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 4
You will need your child’s mother or caretaker to help you with this idea. To start,
create about a dozen “clues” on paper or cards – then send them to your child. These
clues will help lead your child to various locations in their home, and eventually to a
surprise gift. Or you can create a piece of artwork drawing or heartfelt letter for your
child to find at the end of the scavenger hunt!
Remember, your child’s caretaker will hide the clues for your child before hand, so
you will need cooperation from him/her to help you hide the clues in specific
locations. This activity will work better if you’re familiar with your child’s home and
its layout.
What makes this activity fun, is that you’ll be able to listen to your child search
around for your hidden clues on the phone. Try not to offer too many clues, unless
your child gets stuck and can’t find the next clue. Judge the difficulty level of the
scavenger hunt according to your child’s age.
This idea has tons of potential for fun and silly interaction. Your child will love
finding the hidden clues and the special gift. You’ll also hear their laughter and
giggles over the phone as they search for the hidden surprise.
33

THE SOUND OF MUSIC
Ease Scale: 1
You can bridge the gap between you and your child through the sound of music.
Music is a powerful instrument for inner healing from rock, country, pop to classical
– whichever style of music you prefer, share your favorite songs with your child.
Radio stations have what are called “play lists” – music programmed to play
throughout the day. If you or your child shares the love of music, create a custom
play list top 40 chart for each of you to enjoy. Is your child older? If so, they’re
probably into the latest trends in music. You can ask them to create a song list of
their favorites and then mail it to you. Use a walkman or headset to listen for your
child’s favorite songs on local radio stations. They can do the same at home from the
music list you’ve created.
You may be asking yourself, “How does this activity help me connect with my
child from prison?” I remember sending my daughter’s favorite songs from when
she was younger: when we had these songs on the radio together it helped us to
bond.
Though you are separated from your child at this time, sharing music even if it’s
only the artists name or maybe the song can help bring you both closer. CD’s, iPod
or radio station, they can be a moment of closeness.
You’ll both have a chance to learn about each other’s taste in music. It’s a simple
way to share feelings and interests.
34

RADIO DEDICATION
What you’ll need: caretaker
Ease Scale: 3
In keeping with the theme of music, here is an idea that’s a unique way to express
your love. All you need is your child’s caretaker to write or mail a local radio station
in your child’s town and make a dedication on your behalf (or, you can personally
write to the station). Here are some things you may want to consider:
 The radio station may or may not announce your dedication. Talk with the
station to see if they have a special time set aside for requests and
dedications.
 If you are not in the range of your child’s radio station signal, you will not be
able to know when or if your dedication has been played (unless the
caretaker informs you.)
 Communicate with your child’s caretaker to make sure your child is close to
the radio when your dedication is played. Don’t promise your child that the
station will play the song just in case they forget or can’t do it.
 Choose a song that both of you enjoy.
 Keep your radio message for your child simple. Examples are: “I love you
and miss you very much,” or “I can’t wait to talk to you soon”. If your child
had the chance to hear your dedication on their local radio station, they will
be elated. A child likes to hear their name on the radio especially if it
invokes a loving message. Next time you’re with your child, ask if they’ve
had the chance to hear your dedication. How did they react to it? Were they
able to record it? Did they like the song you chose for them?
35

WHAT T'VE LEARNED AT THE CHAPEL
What you’ll need: phone access or mail supplies
Ease Scale: 1
Religious or spiritual development may be something you’ve chosen to
concentrate on during your incarceration. Hopefully, your facility has a chapel that
offers church services, classes, or a library to help you on your journey.
If religion has never been a topic of discussion between you and your child, you
may find the activity uncomfortable, impossible, or on the other hand the chance to
express teachings of faith, unconditional love, or compassion for this. Write your
child and explain to them what you’ve discussed during your spiritual journey: Their
reaction and willingness will of course depend on their age and maturity level. This
activity is not to necessarily to preach, rather it is to offer your child a more positive
way to look at like – being kind to other and to not judge others for their differences
or beliefs. Over time, your child will come to respect that you are making good
changes in your life. If you were active in a church or spiritual group before prison,
your child will also appreciate that you haven’t thrown away your belief system.
There are a lot of resources available inside a prison chapel, walk over and see
what it has to offer. Your visit may open up an entirely new world for you and your
child to discover together.
36

20 QUESTIONS
Ease Scale: 1
Children tend to ask a lot of questions. Now it’s your turn to ask questions!
Nowadays, kids don’t often hand-write letters. Most correspondence is done over
the phone or on the internet. If you’re a dad to a young child who is too little to write
a full length letter, try writing 20 questions for them to answer. They can respond to
the questions, and then mail the same piece of paper that has your questions and their
responses, back to you to read. If your child is old enough, she may even write
questions for you to answer. Maybe you can ask a caretaker to assist your child with
this activity if they become discouraged.
Questions you can ask can be about their school, friends, hobbies, interests or
anything that comes to your mind. Perhaps your child met new friends – ask them
about them and what type of things they enjoy doing together. Video games are
another activity kids enjoy. Ask your son which are their favorite games to play.
The game is to open up simple written communication. You may only receive one
or two written responses to your questions, but at least you’ll have the chance to hear
about their life – little by little, word by word, until eventually your child will be
able to understand and write back.
Check out the back pages of this book. I’ve included stationary you can use for
this activity! (Not available on e-book version)
37

A FAMILY HOLIDAY
Ease Scale: 1
Spending time in prison can be a big bummer. When all you want to do is be with
family and friends, you are stuck behind bars
Rather than letting depression take over, why not invent a new family holiday
especially for you and your child? You can create a TV or music day, or perhaps junk
food day. Or create a more grownup holiday that incorporates exercise or being nice
to others. Think of a holiday that both of you can do together. Your new holiday can
become a “special” day reserved just for the two of you. I’m confident your child be
will “easier” and excited in taking part in a fun day that both of you created and
share, or perhaps if your new holiday is “all you can eat candy day!”
Go ahead and write your special holiday on a calendar so that both of you will
remember it each year – over time it may become tradition. Mix things up each year
and create a new holiday.
How does this activity help in connecting you with your child? It promotes
togetherness! You’re both doing something together, even though you are physically
distant. Any way you can communicate and take an active interest in your child’s
life, is of the uttermost important when it (indecipherable) to a closer relationship
with your child while in prison, and during your lengthy process be into creativity.
38

CHILD MENTORING
Ease Scale: 2
(See the resource page for more on this activity)
According to a Public Private Ventures Study, children mentored three times
monthly for at least a year are:
46% less likely to being using illegal drugs
32% less likely to hit someone
53% less likely to skip a day of school
If you feel your child is receiving less than adequate support on the outside, you
may consider contacting a volunteer to mentor your child while you’re incarcerated.
The objective of the nonprofit organizations specializing in mentoring children is to
break the cycle of incarceration by offering children a variety of the building
programs.
Please don’t think a mentor is going to replace you as a parent. By having your
child mentored, they will be encouraged, loved, educated, shown hope and
compassion through qualified and caring volunteers. By considering a mentor, you
are expressing your love for them.
A sad fact we need to face as a society is that research has revealed that more than
two thirds of juveniles in the criminal justice system are children of prisoners.
Especially if your child doesn’t have proper care at home, or lives in a high risk
community, consider finding a mentor. A mentor is one of the best options if your
child is struggling or is unable to come to grips with your imprisonment. Chances
are, it will bring a positive change to not only your child, but you as well.
39

COUPON BOOK
What you’ll need: art supplies, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 2
This type of coupon book will not save you money on your grocery list, what it
will do is give you and your child quality time together and a chance to create new
memories.
Are you planning to re-enter society? If you have less than a few months left on
your sentence, create a special “coupon book” for your child. Inside could include
activities such as: a trip to the beach or lake, playing a sport together flying a kite,
reading bedtime stories, ice skating, etc. Limit activated that would involve a lot of
money or promote materialistic things. For many former inmates, especially during
their first few months of release, have a hard time resisting the urge to buy back lost
time by purchasing toys, trips, and other gifts for their children. Buying gifts is fine,
but try not to overdo it. Activities that promote interaction would be a good idea for
their coupon book. Also, try to remember to choose activities that are easy to
accomplish rather than an extravagant trip to Hawaii or a cruise to the Bahamas.
Make your child’s coupon book from colored paper, plain white paper, or use a
small bound journal or pad of paper. If you have access to thick paper such as card
stock or construction, an option would be to design coupons in a business card
format – cut them down to a business card size and use markers or crayons to draw
pictures, designs or whatever artistic touch that comes to your mind. After your
coupon book is complete, mail it home for your child. The coupon book can be a
surprise, or you can speak with your child beforehand to get ideas on activities they
would like to do with you when you get out of prison. The coupon book gives both
of you special times to look forward to and the opportunity to re-build your
relationship.
40

SAFE SURFING
Ease Scale: 1
Does your child surf? Not the kind that involves crashing into waves and
swimming with sharks, but the surfing that can be done right from home – on the
wild, unpredictable world-wide web.
The majority of families own a computer with internet access, Online surfing is an
important topic to discuss with your child. Kids as young as 8 are online creating
personal profiles (Facebook, MySpace, etc.) chatting, sending emails, and surfing
without an internet filter or the use of parental controls.
As a father in prison, you can write or talk to your child about the potential
dangers of the internet. Speak to a caretaker. Perhaps they can add a filter or a
monitoring program to the home computer. If your son or daughter is a teenager, this
may be difficult to pull off since they will not like the fact of limited internet access.
Consider your child’s age and maturity level, then choose an appropriate action to
take concerning their online safety.
To encourage safe surfing, when you see websites advertised in magazines or
newspapers that are child friendly, tell your child about them. Cut out the website ad
and mail it to their home, or send a list of websites to the caretaker. There are
countless websites that are surf friendly for children – you can help by promoting
safe online choices.
41

KNOW YOUR RIGHTS
What you’ll need: research material or legal advice
Ease Scale: 1
As I mentioned in the Introduction, understanding your rights as an incarcerated
parent, is essential for a stable relationship with your child.
In some cases, the child’s mother or legal guardian may inhibit you to correspond
with your child. If you maintain your legal parents rights, and your child’s guardian
is unwilling to allow a relationship between you and your child, you should think
about seeking legal advice.
I can’t believe how many dad’s I’ve spoke to in prison that still have their parental
right but can’t communicate with their child because of a bitter spouse or caretaker,
but your child deserves to communicate with your even though you’ve made a
mistake.
For the exception of danger to a child (emotionally or physically) proven by a
court of law, a father in prison who is willing to continue ties, and has legal parental
rights, should have the freedom to love, nurture and educate his child, no matter
where the parent currently resides. Do now wait to see a lawyer if your current
situation involves the inability to see or speak to your child. The Family Court
system is often over saturated with hearing and presenting your custody case to a
judge may take many months, sometimes a year or more. A writ (a written court
order to spear in prison legal hearing) is not always necessary. If you have a custody
hearing already scheduled with the court, check with your facility to see if you will
be allowed to appear by phone or video conference.
There are many legal and personal factors that come into play with a child custody
situation. Do everything you can to build and strengthen your relationship with your
child. This will show that you are a parent who is willing to be a loving, caring, and
emotionally available parent even when times are tough.
42

RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS
Ease Scale: 1
In the unique and often strange world of prison, kindness is often viewed as a
form of weakness.
The goal of this activity is not for you to go around and act loving and kind to
every person you meet, rather do one or two nice things for someone – whether it be
for your cellie, a first timer, or a guy who’s been down for 20 years. Maybe a simple
“Hello” or letting someone borrow your (indecipherable) is a random act of kindness
you may want to try. It doesn’t have to be anything over the top or outrageous. Take
this activity slow and simple.
“No way! Everyone here is rude!” Saying this is natural when you are in a prison
environment, but try to remember, not everyone in prison is rude, violent or filled
with hate. What would your response be if your child told you that everyone in her
3rd
grade class were stupid? Hopefully, you would find the error in their statement
and that they need to take the time to get to know the other kids better and to not
judge people by their appearance or who they play with
Set up a challenge for both of your to leave your comfort zone for one day to
perform a random act of kindness – you at prison, and your child at school (or job if
your child is older). Then talk about what happened. You may find that the end
results weren’t what you were expecting – try again until 1 positive result is
achieved.
The lesson you’re teaching is to bee selfless. And to think of others before you so
they don’t get wrapped up in their own want and desires.
43

MEET MY FRIENDS
Ease Scale: 1
Socializing with friends is an important social aspect for a healthy child or teen.
When we think back to when we were young, most agree that the majority of our
best friend were in the elementary school, high school or college. It’s these friends
we will never forget.
Ask your child about their friends. Take an interest and have them describe their
friends in a letter or over the phone. Now it may be more difficult to get a detailed
description from a teenager, but if your child is in grade school, they’re likely to
offer you their experiences. Ask them to draw or share photos.
It’s important for your child to understand that even though you’re in prison, there
is good people you’ve met and enjoy spending time with. Bu sharing this
information, it encourages other forms of communication and also illustrates to your
child that you value friendships.
Having knowledge of your child’s friends is valuable especially if your son or
daughter is going through a sensitive time in their lives. When your child is willing
to talk about their social lives, you’re able to understand their personal choices and
attitudes.
While you’re incarcerated, try this activity to learn more about your child not only
as young individual, but as someone who enjoys a circle of friends. Don’t be pushy
when you ask a question, be patient and allow them to open up to you.
44

PICTURE PERFECT
What you’ll need: $$ or “photo ticket”, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 2
Another great idea you can do for your child is to have a photo taken of you. He or
she may already have a photo of you, but by sending a photo from prison, it will ease
their fears and discomfort. A picture will show them you’re a survivor.
Hopefully your facility allows photos to be taken either in the visiting room or
another authorized location. Check with your commissary store. They probably have
“photo tickets” available for purchase. I would recommend a new photo every 6 to
12 months depending on the length of your sentence.
You may even be able to get a photo taken of you and a friend and tie this in with
activity “meet my friends” described on the last page. If you’re able, smile in your
photo (even if it’s a forced smile!). Your child would prefer to see you happy instead
of looking like a grump.
Talk to your child’s caretaker if you don’t have any photos of your child. I
understand it’s difficult to look at family photos in prison. Try to keep memories
alive instead of allowing yourself to become overly absorbed in prison life.
A picture can say a thousand words – I love you, I miss you, I’m sorry, and so
much more.
45

CUSTOM BOOKMARKS
Ease Scale: 2
One of your goals may be to encourage your child to read well, this activity
definitely hits the mark … bookmarks to be exact.
Grab some art supplies like pens, crayons, thick paper, paint, markers, and
whatever you’re allowed to have and create custom bookmarks for your child. Be
creative - make colorful bookmarks using pictures and designs. You may decide to
include a small photo of you and your child, special note, quote or religious text.
Make as many bookmarks as you like then mail them to your child’s home.
Your goal is to encourage your child to discover the creative power and
educational value of reading. Find out what book they’re currently reading –
Goosebumps? Twilight series? Whatever educational level your child is at, follow up
by a letter or phone call and talk about the latest book they’re reading, their likes and
dislikes, or things in the book they need help understanding. If your child wants you
to make more bookmarks send them a new one with every book they read. Hopefully
they will get excited by your offer then reading becomes an enjoyment rather than a
chore.
Creating bookmarks may seem simple or ineffective when it comes to
strengthening your relationship with your child, but it’s the little things like the “I
love you’s” and the small caring gestures that children remember and appreciate the
most. Relationships are built upon showing love, compassion and remembering each
other in good times and bad.
46

I SPY
What you’ll need: phone access
Ease Scale: 1
This is a silly game to lighten up the mood. If you’re not familiar with the kids
game “I spy”, ask your child about it. I’m sure they’ve had the chance to play with
their friends.
The idea of the game is to guess what the other person you’re talking to is looking
at, or “spying” by asking clues that describe the object. For example – “I spy
something that have wheel and is really heavy” or “I spy something that moves in
the sky”. There’s not much to look at in prison, feel free to create an object in your
mind.
You can have fun with this game over the phone, or create a longer version by
writing letters that include clues back and forth to each other.
Sometimes, young children can be shy or unwilling to talk much during a phone
all. This simple game can help them be more at ease, especially if they haven’t
spoken or seen you for a while. Offer to play a game of I spy if you notice your child
is nervous over the phone and doesn’t know what to talk about. It may help both of
you to loosen up and be more conversational.
47

SCRAPATTACK
What you’ll need: magazines/newspapers, glue or tape, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 2
Does your child love cats? How about soccer? Or perhaps your daughter can’t get
enough of horses?
Gather magazines, newspapers or other periodicals and build a scrap book by
cutting out photos and articles that reflect your child’s favorite activities, hobbies or
interests. Use glue or tape and stick the photos and articles onto a piece of regular
paper, or construction paper. If possible, put your scrapbook inside a binder or folder
to give it a “book” feel. Your child will have a blast discovering their own personal
book full of neat stuff.
This activity works best with a younger child. Most kids who are old enough can
go online and search for things that interest them. A scrapbook to them can be
thought of as outdated. Consider your child’s age. If you’re a father to a teenager,
they may see a homemade scrapbook as “old school” but they’ll probably appreciate
your effort and your willingness to share in their interest. You could even add a few
pages of things you’re interested in.
A scrapbook can be simple and easy to put together. If your facility has an art
room or hobby shop, create a book that’s more elaborate by adding your artistic
touches. This project is a healthy way in keeping active and focused on positive
ways to pass your prison time. Furthermore, consider a letter or phone call to your
child to see what they thought of your gift. They may want you to make another! Or
they may want to make one for you.
From simple magazines, newspapers, paper or glue, a scrapbook can be created – a
book of interests, a creative expression of love. I hope it will bring the both of you
closer together.
48

MILLION DOLLAR WEEKEND
Ease Scale: 1
Congratulations! You’ve just won 1 million dollars in the lottery! The rules state
that you’re required to spend the money in one weekend, and you’re allowed one
guest to accompany you on your spending spree – your child!
Where are you going to go? What do you want to buy? How about asking your
child for some expensive ideas?
“Million Dollar Weekend” is a lot of fun either by talking over the phone or by
letter correspondence. If you call your child, ask them if they want to play a make
believe game about a million dollar shopping spree. Let their imagination run wild as
they dream about an endless supply of candy bars, a trip to Disneyland, a new sports
car, or all the toys ever made! Of course you’ll need to make sure your child
understands that the game and money is only for fun.
Don’t have access to the phone? Write a letter and ask your child to have them
write you a list of things they would do with one million dollars, you can do the
same. Exchange lists and have fun!
This activity may also be a good way to talk to your child about real life finances –
how to say money for college or a car, how expensive it is to live in the real world,
and the most important lesson – hoe money does not buy true happiness. Talk to him
about job opportunities or career interests. There’s no need to discuss jobs if your
child is not of working age or isn’t able to comprehend the value or money. If this is
the case use this activity to just have fun and allow your child complete freedom to
be silly.
49

LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS
What you’ll need: Phone access or mail supplies
Ease Scale: 1
I’ll never forget when I was 8 years old I sold tap water to my neighbors by pulling
around a red wagon with plastic cups filled with water from the tap. I actually sold 2
cups that day! Or the time when I attempted to publish a newspaper for my
neighbors. That idea failed miserable.
Does your child or teen have an entrepreneur spirit? Do you have a child that
needs help in building a stronger work ethic? This is where you can help your child –
by educating them in the world of employment and business. If you’re lacking
knowledge on these subjects, get involved in business classes at your facility. Next,
read books and magazines (Entrepreneur, Business Weekly, Money, etc.) that deal
with the business world. Educate yourself the best way you can. Even if your son or
daughter is too young to enter the adult work force, you can still help with the non-
technical, child friendly advice. Teach them how to run a lemonade stand, or a dog
walking business.
Where your advice will prove to be most beneficial, is if your older teenager is
entering the work force for the first time or starting a legitimate business such as an
internet start- up or franchise. Ask them their ideas and business strategies. Getting
involved in your child’s business adventures, from selling tap water (not
recommended!) to working in fast food, can be done even from a distance. Take
advantage of letters, visits, or phone conversations. You can use these valuable tools
to communicate to your child about business ideas, money making options, finances,
and work ethics.
50

TOP TEN LISTS
Ease Scale: 1
It’s the little things in your child’s life that are the most difficult to keep track of.
Being away from your child, you’ll want to hear about their likes and dislikes such
as music, movies, sports, food, colors and TV programs. What is their favorite ice-
cream flavor? How do they feel about the latest music on the radio? These minor
details can shape your child’s personality and affect their daily lives. Keep track of
these little things by asking your child to write down a list of their likes and dislikes
on a variety of subjects. A less formal way is to chat over the phone about their lists,
especially if they’re not sufficient in writing.
I know one of the toughest things for me during my incarceration was trying to
keep up with my daughter’s changing likes and dislikes. I often asked her in letters,
and later during phone conversations, about her interests. By asking her questions, it
made me feel more connected to her.
Try not to overlook these little things in life as not important or a waste of time.
Instead, share your interests with each other by creating top ten lists. Children are
happy when they know their parents show genuine interest in their lives.
51

VISITING DAY
What you’ll need: visiting
Ease Scale: 3
Some facilities set aside one day (normally during the summer) for “Family Day”
– a day for inmates and their visiting families. Special activities that are offered in
the visiting room may include: face painting for the children, volunteers from the
outside that bring games and other fun things, and sometimes barbequed food or
other specialty snacks are served.
If your child’s guardian or caretaker can schedule a visit during your facility’s
“Family Day”, it would be a wonderful opportunity to spend time with your child
while enjoying additional visiting benefits.
Has your child never been able to visit you? A Family Day visit may help ease
their tension and fear about visiting you in prison. Thanks to the family and child
friendly atmosphere, your child may feel more comfortable with their unfamiliar
surroundings.
You and your child can still spend quality time during normal visiting days. If your
facility doesn’t offer a special day for children and families, do everything you can
to set up visiting time.
Any face to face time with your child is precious. Be thankful and appreciative of
visits. Thank your child’s caretaker, mother or guardian for brining your child to
spend time with you. It is a proven fact that – “prisoners who have regular visits are
6 times less likely to re-enter prison than those who have none.” Here are ways you
can better communicate and connect with your child during a visit:
52

 Don’t try to make up for lost time by overly parenting or being too harsh
 Listen to your child – ask them questions. Let them do most of the talking.
 Depending on your facility’s regulations, be appropriately affectionate – hug
and kiss your child.
 Don’t complain about prison. Be positive!
53

A CLASS IN PARENTING
What you’ll need: A cooperating facility
Ease Scale: 2
(See the resource page for more info on this activity)
Take advantage of a parenting class is one is available at your facility. Use your
time to educate yourself and to learn various areas of parenting including: improving
communication skills, morals and proper discipline, being a fair and loving parent,
child development, and learning how to father from prison.
A wonderful program title, “Inside-Out Dad”, is used by many facilities across the
country. The program, designated by the nonprofit organization “National
Fatherhood Initiative”, included interactive media, movies and CD ROMs, and
fathering handbooks for inmates. If your facility does not offer this program or any
other parenting class, talk to staff and express the importance of education fathers on
how to effectively interact and parent during incarceration.
You may be thinking – “I know how to be a father already! OI don’t need to take a
prison course in parenting!”
By getting involved in the Inside-Out Dad program or another parenting
curriculum doesn’t mean that you’re a “bad” father. Rather, it adds to your current
understanding of parenting, and emphasizes to yourself and your child that you’re
using your time in prison seriously by improving your parenting skills. These skills
may involve understanding the type of father you are, building self-worth, or
improving self-awareness regarding the role of a father in a child’s life. Even though
you’re incarcerated, you can still be a hero in your child’s eyes!
“My heroes are and were my parents. I can’t see having anyone else as my heroes”
– Michael Jordan, NBA legend
54

CHECKMATE
What you’ll need: caretaker (optional), chess pieces, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 3
The game of chess has been proven to help develop critical thinking skills in
children. You can be a part of your child’s development by playing chess through the
mail. This activity will work best for older children and teenagers who are familiar
with the game’s rules. A caretaker to assist is optional for younger children.
The first step is to design two basic chess boars either sing paper of a pieces of
cardboard. You’ll mail one board home to your child, while the second one will
remain with you.
Next, you will need to find standard chess pieces, or tokens that represent the
chess pieces; set them up on your chess board. (Your child will do the same with
their board at home). The game is now ready!
Let your child go first. Have him or her write a letter letting you know which piece
they want to move first – a pawn or a knight. Now it’s your turn. Mail a letter with
your move to your child. Continue this pattern while updating the chessboards to
reflect each move.
Your chess game could continue for months depending on how often you
correspond with each other. Try to keep the game exciting for your child by offering
a small prize for the winner. If the game is a stale-mate, declare both of you equal
winner!
55

POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE
Ease Scale: 1
Sometimes you may find it difficult to come up with things to talk to your child
about during a phone conversation. Depending on your child’s age, you’ll most
likely need to take the lead in a conversation. If you want your conversation to have
more variety or to be meaningful, ask your child for a “Positive and Negative.” What
do I mean by a positive and negative? One event both good and bad, that your child
experienced during their day and their feeling about each one. For example, your
child fell down and skinned his knee – this of course would be their negative. Ask
your child to re-tell the story. Ask them about their feeling and reassure them that
everything is okay. Try to end the conversation with a positive even.
Did your daughter make a new friend? Did they get an A on their school report?
Talk to your child about the positive event by having them re-tell the story and by
listening to their reaction.
The point of this activity is not to become your child’s therapist by constantly
analyzing or approaching your phone calls as a medical professional. This activity is
about leaning the good and bad things that your child experiences throughout the
day. It’s about more meaningful conversations. It’s about being a caring dad that
enjoys being a part of his child’s like >and it’s about teaching your child to see the
positive things in life, a value that can be very useful for yourself and your child
especially during difficult and trying times.
56

COOL LETTERS
What you’ll need: Envelopes/stationary, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 1
Make your letters stand out with stationary paper. You can use it as a way to
distinguish letter that have been mailed from you.
The idea of this activity is not to use expensive, fancy stationery, but rather to use
simple, inexpensive touches to your letters. This may mean stationary, stickers,
bright colored envelopes, or anything that will have your child saying – “This letter
is from Dad!” Your child will be able to recognize your letters by the colorful and
fun touches especially if they’re used in conjunction with the outside of the
envelope.
So why does this matter to your child? By receiving a letter from you that stand
out from the rest of the mail, will give them the feeling of being unique and loved.
It’s an easy way in showing how special they are to you.
When the provided stationary in this book is used up, see if you can find bright
colored lined paper and cool envelopes to incorporate with your letter. If you’re
unable to find these items, use regular paper and envelopes, and draw or color on the
outside of the envelope. Can’t draw well? Not artistic? Find stamps that stand out
like Disney, hearts or love stamps – these are colorful and will catch your child’s
attention.
Remember, the most important part of a letter is your message. If you’re unable to
have any of the above stationary supplies, or don’t have the money to purchase them,
your child will still be excited to hear from you, Next time you send a letter, don’t
forget to say I love you and then you think about them each day.
57

PHONE QUIZ
Ease Scale: 2
What is the name of the highest waterfall in the world? Who invented the light
bulb? What is the name of the princess in the movie Shrek? It’s time to play phone
quiz!
Ask if your child would like to play next time you call them. If they agree, write
down a list of 25 questions for your child to answer. Have each correct answer worth
$100.00 or even a thousand dollars. Offer a bonus round by asking a more difficult
question worth a million bucks. What are your child’s interests? You can incorporate
them in your quiz game, or come up with random subject of your own. Keep a tally
of the winnings because your child may want to turn the tables and quiz you!
Whoever ends up the winner, gets to go on a shopping spree – buy a fancy sports car
or a trip to Disneyland, or that cool new video game. (Note – make sure your child
understands the money and prizes are only make believe, or you’ll ends up with an
upset child on the other end of the line.)
58

PUZZLES, MAZES AND THING
What you’ll need: paper/pencils, mail supplies
Ease Scale: 2
A variety of classic games is great for young children. Anywhere between the ages
of 6 to 12 is a good age range for this activity. Puzzles are a great way for the kids to
have fun during a rainy day, or in the car on a long road trip.
All you need to make puzzles for your child is a pencil (or pen), paper and
supplies to mail them in. Creating a word search is easy. Make a graph box (however
large you want the word search) using horizontal and vertical lines. This forms small
boxes so you can insert your letters. You may prefer to spell out the hidden words
first – either vertical, horizontal, backwards, etc. onto the graph. A theme can be
used for your word search. Does your child love sports cars? If so, use words like
BMW, Corvette, fast, expensive, or custom. Maybe your daughter enjoys Disney
movies. Hidden words like – princess, Cinderella, Bambi or Little Mermaid would
be fun choices.
Your child may also enjoy mazes and other games such as crosswords, fill in the
blank games, or trivia questions. Make as many games as you want, even ones
you’ve invented, then send with a letter. The next time there’s a snow day and your
child has the day off from school, instead of spending hours in from of a TV or
computer screen ask them to try completing one of their puzzles – you can make it a
fun challenge.
Today, older children, especially teens, are wrapped up in cell phones, iPods,
internet, and texting their friends. Sitting down and doing puzzles probably isn’t
their idea of a fun time. For teens, I suggest instead of making puzzles and games,
search magazines and newspapers and clip out contest forms, coupons, appropriate
websites, latest fads, fashion ideas and other topics they have an interest in.
59

THIS IS DEDICATED TO……
What you’ll need: mail supplies
Ease Scale: 2
By using the power of words, express your feelings and the special bond you have
for your child. I’m sure one time or another, you’ve heard a song on the radio and
said to yourself, “that song reminds me of my best friend,” or “that song takes me
back to a better time.”
Music is a very powerful tool for personal expression. This activity is about
writing a song for your child. The song can either be funny, serious, or somewhere in
between. It’s a bonus if you’re able to write the music along with the lyrics – but if
you’re not musically inclined, focus on the song’s lyrics.
A helpful book to read is “Songwriting for Dummies by Jim Peterik.” The book
helps your understand formatting, organizing lyrics and various songwriting styles.
Poems are also a beautiful way to show someone how you feel. Song lyrics and
poems are similar in how they are written. They’re both artistic activates to help you
bond with your child.
You can include your song or poem in your next letter, or save it for a special day
like a birthday, Christmas or Thanksgiving. Use conversation or other specialty
paper, crayons or markers to make the song or poem more visually appealing. Write
down your words surrounded by colorful designs, drawings or other artistic ideas.
The possibilities are endless!
Take some quality time this weekend by trying this activity your child is sure to
enjoy your caring words.
60

HOW'S SCHOOL
Ease Scale: 1
Middle school and high school are important times for children. An easy and
rewarding way to stay connected with your child from prison is to be interested in
their school progress. This may mean asking your child or caretaker to periodically
send you copies of their report cards, progress reports, or even copies of artwork.
You may be able to have your child’s school calendar sent to you by asking a family
member to go on the interest and to see if it’s posted on the school’s website. By
being informed, you’ll be able to offer advice and homework help over the phone or
through letters.
Is your child involved in extracurricular activities? Is your son or daughter in the
drama or band club? Offer to help rehearse their lines for the school play, or listen to
them, play an instrument. School sports such as football, basketball and baseball are
also very popular. Talk to your child about how the season is going and offer advice
on how to improve their game.
These are basic ideas you can use as you correspond with your child. Some may
work, others may not. Even if your child is still in kindergarten, ask how their day
went, what they’re learning, how their friends are doing, and if you can learn about
their teacher! As you stay informed with their progress in school, you’ll see them
mature during one of the most crucial periods in their lives. And when they have
questions about peer pressure, you can counsel them through tough social matters
that kids face every day.
Stress the importance of education. Be patient and understanding if your child
struggles in school. Help them the best you can by using resources that are available
to you.
61

SHARE THIS BOOK
What you’ll need: this book
Ease Scale: 1
Do you know other dads in the prison or jail? Chances are, there’s many that
would benefit from the activities in this book. I encourage you to share these ideas so
other dads (and moms) are able to stay connected with their children and to form a
better relationship during incarceration. You may want to offer this book so it can be
used in a parenting class or similar at your facility. Making copies of some of the
activities and passing them along to other dads is another option you may want to
consider.
Does your child have a mentor? After you try the activities and share this book
with others, you may decide to donate this book to your child’s mentor or social
worker, or organizations and nonprofits that work with incarcerated parents and their
children.
I hope these activities in this book are beneficial to you, your child(ren) and all
parents that are currently behind bars. Let’s take one day at a time, and remember
how important maintaining a connection with our children is even when faces with
major life challenges.
62

Additional Activities
#50 – Make your child a gift by learning how to leather craft.
#51 – Make a list of movies you want to watch together after you’re released.
#52 – If you have a short prison sentence, have your child’s caretaker make a
countdown chain
out of paper. Tear one off each day.
#53 – Create colorful valentines.
#54 – Write a scary ghost story for Halloween.
#55 – Have a U.S. capitals and presidents quiz over the phone.
#56 – Talk to your child about a movie they enjoyed.
#57 – Make a calendar or schedule of your activities.
#58 – Get involved in your child’s boy or girl scouting.
#59 – Order a book for your child.
#60 – Make funny tongue twisters.
#61 – Enroll in a mail study course together.
#62 – Exchange book lists or read the same book.
#63 – Ask someone close to your child to give them a kiss for you.
#64 – Offer advice in stress reduction – meditation, yoga, etc.
#65 – Share funny dreams.
#66 – Design a “World’s Best Son or Daughter” award.
#67 – Read scriptures together or include some in your letters.
#68 – Learn a foreign language together.
63

#69 – Read to your child over the phone.
#70 – Offer religious or spiritual education.
#71 – Make something green for St. Patrick’s Day.
#72 – Find something red for Christmas.
#73 – If your facility allows, mail home a bag of candy (from the commissary).
#74 – Draw a photograph of your child.
#75 – Tell your child you love them.
64

Creating a Re-Entry Plan
 Believe in yourself
Transitioning from prison to the free world will have its challenges. Don’t be
discouraged. Remaining positive while believe in yourself, will make the change
easier. Take one day at a time – try not to become overwhelmed by new
responsibilities.
• What will you do to succeed during your transition?
• List names of family members and friends that inspire you to succeed
 Talk to your family about your re-entry plan
Before you’re released, talk to your family about your plan. Transitioning back
into society is easier with support from family or friends. Let them know the steps
you plan on taking. If you’re lacking support, contact religious or nonprofit
organizations. They will be able to assist you in your transition.
● Write down the people or organizations you want to contact
 Contact your children
Make contact with your child as soon as possible. Reestablish ties and
communication by using letters, phone calls, emails or visits. Be sensitive if your
child doesn’t receive you warmly, or has trouble opening up to you. It may take
some time to re-build your relationship.
● How and when are you going to contact your child?
➢ Respect your children’s mother
Having respect for your children’s mother or legal guardian is important while
incarcerated and after release. It is crucial to maintain a good relationship whether
65

you are married to the mother of your children or not. Set aside your problems with
her for the good for your children, and hopefully she will do the same for you.
Remember, your children and family have managed while you were away: Take
steps slowly as you become active in their lives.
What problems, if any, do you need to set aside with your children’s mother? If
problems exist and you are married to your children’s mother, consider professional
counseling sessions.
 Get Proper Identification
If you or a family member doesn’t have your driver’s license, birth certificate, or
state photo ID, speak to prison staff about how you can obtain those important
documents. If you’re on the outside, contact your local Department of Motor
Vehicles office. Ask for a form that lists the required papers you need to get an ID.
If you’re within 6 months of release, write a list of what you need to do and who
you need to contact to obtain an ID.
 Get Your Degree
If you don’t have your GED, work to earn it. Sign up and take GED classes if
you’re incarcerated. On the outside, you can locate adult GED classes and testing
that are free or low cost. If you have your GED, take college classes either on
campus, online or by correspondence. By attending college, employers are more
likely to hire you.
Now may be a good time to evaluate your career options. What college classes can
you enroll in that will help you get closer to your goal? If you’re on the inside, find
out if the prison offers free or low cost educational courses.
66

 Find Reliable Employment
If you’ve been released, get help looking for a job from places like Workforce
Investment Act (WIA) one-stop employment centers. Having a stable job is a must to
a successful re-entry. Also, having steady employment while incarcerated will help
you in getting a job upon release.
Ask yourself if there’s job environment you should avoid that may reinforce negative
behavior.
Are there companies in my area that tend to hire ex-incarcerated employees?
 Find Support
Remember, you’re not alone. Even if you don’t have support from family or
friends, there are volunteer and faith groups that help with transitions. Talk to a
counselor, and parole or probation officers so they can refer you to helpful groups.
You may consider finding a mentor. A mentor is a caring individual that helps with
difficult life situations
67

Activity Resources
Book on tape (pg. 4)
*Reading is Fundamental (RIF)
1825 Connecticut Ave. Suite 400
Washington, Dc 20009
www.rif.org
Personalize a book (pg. 10)
*Custom made for kids
418 South Bruner St.
Hinsdale, IL 60521
www.custommadeforkids.com
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star (pg. 11)
*International Star Registry
84523 Wilson Road
Ingleside, IL 60041
www.internationalstarregistry.com
Subscribe to a Magazine (pg. 16)
*GSP, LLC
P.O. Box 640
Red Bank, NJ 07701-0640
www.gspmags.com
*American Magazine Service
1042 Fort Union Blvd. #387
Midvale, UT. 84047
www.prisonmagazines.com
Child Mentoring (pg. 34)
*U.S. Dream Academy
10400 Little Patuxent Parkway, Suite
303
Columbia, MD 21099
www.usdreamacademy.org
A Class in Parenting (pg. 48)
*National Fatherhood Initiative
20410 Observation Drive, Suite 107
Germantown, MD 20876
www.fatherhood.org
68

Additional Resources
National programs serving children
and families of adults offenders:
*Aleph Institute
9540 Collins Ave.
Surfsia, FL 33154
www.aleph-institure.org
Provides a variety of services for
Jewish prisoners and their families.
*Angel Tree/Angel Tree Camping
P.O. Box 17500
Washington, DC 20041
www.angeltree.org
Distributes holiday gifts to children or
prisoners and provides a children’s
camping program.
*Bethel Bible Village
P.O. Box 729
Hixson, TN 37343
www.bbv.org
Provides a Christian group home for
children whose lives have been
shattered by crime.
*Children of Incarcerated Parent
(CHIPS)
73 Arbor St.
San Francisco, CA 9131-2918
Provides information and referrals,
public information and advocacy,
parent education and counseling.
*Children’s Justice Alliance
506 SW Mill St.
Portland, OR 97201
Provides policy development,
advocacy, training, and consultation
services on work with children of
parents in the criminal justice system.
*Citizens United for Rehabilitation of
Errant’s (CURE)
P.O. Box 2310
www.curenational.org
69

Provides advocacy for prison reform,
mediates equitable phone rates for
prisoners and other issues that affect
families of prisoners.
*Families Against Mandatory
Minimums (FAMM)
1612 K Street NW, Suite 700
Washington DC, 20006
www.famm.org
An organization of families of
prisoners and others who advocate
repeal of harsh sentencing laws.
*Federal Resource Center for children
of Prisoners
50 F Street NW, 6th
Floor
Washington DC, 20001
www.childrenofprisoners.org
Provides training and technical
assistance on mentoring children of
prisoners, public policy, advocacy,
website resources and publications.
*Girls and Boys Town
14100 Crawford Dr.
Boys Town, NE 65010
www.boystown.org
Provides training for parent educators
so they can help parents and
caregivers to be effective teachers and
role models over when parents have
limited access to their children due to
incarceration.
*Inmate Assistance LLC
P.O. Box 3865
Libandate, IH 50323-3565
www.inmateassistance.com
Provides prisoners and their families
with legal information and policy
forums.
*National H.I.R.E. Network
153 Waverly Place, 8th
Floor
New York, NY 10014
www.hirenetwork.org
Provides an information clearing
house on employing individuals with
criminal records, information and
advocacy on federal legislations and
advice on barriers to employment.
*National Incarcerated Parents and
Families Network
P.O. Box 6745
Harrisburg, PA 17112
www.incarceratedparents.org
70

Provides training, technical
assistance, and public information on
parent education programs aimed at
incarcerated adults and juveniles.
*Parents and Children Together, INC
(P.A.C.T)
2836 Hemphill St.
Fort Worth, TX 76110
www.4pact.org
Provides children’s centers in several
federal prisons. Provides support
groups for children with incarcerated
parents
*Urban Leadership Institute
25 Allegheny Ave. Suite 503
Baltimore, MD 21204
www.urbanyouth.org
Provides training and technical
assistance for mentoring children of
prisoners with an emphasis on
working with African-American
males.
*Wings Ministry
2226 B Wyoming NE, Suite 130
Albuquerque, NM 89112
www.wingsministry.org
Provides economical ministry
outreach gathering in communities for
family members or prisoners, and
hosts parties in prisons for prisoners
and their family members. Provides
mentors for children of prisoners.
*World Foundation for
Children/Volunteer Farm
277 Crider Lane
Woodstock, VA 22664
www.volunteerfarm.org
Provides gifts and activities for
children and provides training and
material resources.
*Prisonerresource.com
An website created by the SJM
Family Foundation. It offers free
downloadable books for inmates and
their family members.
(For the most up to date programs
serving children and families of adult
offenders, contact the U.S.
Department of Justice at: 320 First
Street NW,
www.nicic.org
71

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