3. 3
To my beloved mother and mother in-law
Mariah Hassan, Che Wok`
My beloved wife
Rohani Saleh
My beloved children
Nik Radhil Khairiah, Nik Mohd Rashdan,
Nik Rakhwal Esyah, Nik Moh Riduan.
Nik Ahmad Ridauddin,
Nik Ahmad Rafie,
Nik Rabihah Hakimah.
My beloved son in-law
Edzwan Shah, Jamal Hak
My beloved grand children
Emelyn, Syawal, Erfan,
Erisya, Effera. Siti Khadijah.
I love you with all my heart.
4. 4
Table of Contents
Preface 5
Chapter 1 Unpredicted Future Happiness 9
Chapter 2 My Intention To The Best Husband 25
Chapter 3 Emulate The Prophet SAW Moral 36
Chapter 4 Obey the Commandments 45
Chapter 5 Thankful God Pair With The Best Wife 55
Chapter 6 Plan Time To Hang Out With Wife 67
Chapter 7 Helping Wife At Home 73
Chapter 8 Return Home With Smile 81
Chapter 9 Be Romantic Husband 87
Chapter 10 Get In Touch Always 92
Chapter 11 Joking and kidding With Wife 96
Chapter 12 Lunch And Dinner Together 101
Chapter 13 Bathing With Wife Occasionally 107
Chapter 14 Family Meeting 112
Chapter 15 Smart And Happy Personality 118
Chapter 16 Couching And Educating Family For Wisdom 124
Chapter 17 Family Maintenance 131
Chapter 18 Always Be Comfort With Wife 136
Chapter 19 Keep the Secret 142
Chapter 20 Try To Form Positive Jealousy 153
Chapter 21 Be Forgiveness Husband 158
Chapter 22 Search For Excellent 165
Chapter 23 Concern Towards The Family 172
Chapter 24 Honor All Women 178
Chapter 25 Patient Is Everything 186
Chapter 26 Emotional And Behavior Change After Stroke 191
Chapter 27 Tips How To Take Care The Stroke Survivor 200
Chapter 28 Healing By Reciting And Listening To Quran 209
5. 5
Preface
My intention to write this book when I read one article related to “Long-
Term Care For the Stroke Patient in Family Home Care”. Written by
Kathy Henley Haugh, PhD, RN. The author relates the exemplary care
of an older woman who sustained a stroke at the age of 84. The family
provided care for this stroke survivor admirably until her death 10 years
later. The woman’s disabilities included right-sided paralysis,
dysphasia, dyspraxia, and aphasia, as well as complications specific to
enteral tube feedings, seizure activity, and urinary elimination. In the
United States, approximately 780,000 Americans suffer a new or
recurrent stroke each year. The median survival time after a first stroke
for individuals age 60-69 years is 6.8 years for men and 7.4 years for
women; for those older than age 80 years, the median survival time is
1.8 years for men and 3.1 years for women. Fifty percent to 70% of
stroke survivors regain functional independence; 15-30% are
permanently disabled.
Due to the statistic given, I keen to write my experience as care giver to
my stroke wife for more 15 years, through my experienced and with the
ability to adopted the patient as the responsibility of husband to take
care and give her full support either emotionally and her daily living
need. On other word caring by holistic approach able to speed up the
healing process and changes to recover back to normal position is more
and I manage to give her the hope for future life and she has recover up
to 90 % back to normal condition.
My key factor to be a successful caregiver is by put intention to take
care my wife as the responsibility of a husband that been lay down by
my religious marriage guideline. One of the responsibility is to take care
wife health and he happiness. As a husband I am committed to take care
her health after 20 years of our marriage she give her sacrifice to give
birth my kids for seven times. This prove that my wife is a good wife
and has no complain of suffering herself to carry our baby for the time
of 9 months before gift birth. I am so sympathy with her sacrifice and
able to face pain and sorrow just to please her husband desire.
When she at the age of 42, suddenly she was attack by stroke (AVM)
and as a result she was paralyze for half body on the right side. After
warded for 30 days she was discharge from hospital and started the
6. 6
home care. At the first day at home she cannot walk, very hard to speak
and need help for her daily living need (DLN). I have to do everything
by myself due to the incident when I hired the maid she always
compliant and not satisfied with the service given. At that time I am still
working as Senior Manager at Private Company. Every day when I
went home she always cry and tear dropped at her chick. Thus make
me worried and to avoid her become more depress and tension I made a
decision to let go the maid and put the intention to take care of her DLN
by myself and assist by my children.
For the first year as caregiver I manage to settle my task successfully.
As the time passed for third year. Everything was change, at most her
attitude and moral been rivers to be depress and easily be a bad mood
person. This made me so tired to take care of her desire and attitude and
make me bore and start coming of negative talk in my mind that my
wife is a burden to my life. This the time that is very critical that I am
facing and there was a desire to marriage for second wife. But when I
made my personal analyze If I do so that cannot settle my problem if
not lucky may be a new problem will be arise and will make my position
more stress and possibly will effect my future life, So I made
determination to continue my responsibility as husband and continue as
caregiver to my wife.
From that date I made a paradigm shift by revise my personal effort and
put intention that all the problem facing by me is a test form His Mercy
God Allah. I have to face all the test with passion and pray to Allah for
His help and pleasance and if I am success to face the challenge given,
the reward is great at the hereafter. The reward that every body desire
and hope is the get into heaven. With thus intention I manage to face all
the pain and sorrow and with patience as the time goes, it become part
of my daily routine.
After 15 years as caregiver I am adopted all the skill and knowledge
what I am have what I am called as holistic approach treatment for
stroke patient. Alhamdulillah (thank God) my wife able to get batter
healing process and now she able to recover back nearly 90% back to
normal. As at current status she manage to walk without stick, able to
do herself for HLN and the most important is that she has recover back
to normal person in term her thinking, memory and very confident for
her future life.
7. 7
The latest development with my wife performance, one doctor whose
treat my wife admire my effort to give special care to able my wife
healing process go smooth and he endorse my method of treatment is
better to explore more for future method of prolong sickness patient. As
result of my success he appoint me as a consultant to his pilot project to
set up a center for holistic treatment.
In this book I wrote my experience in phases. First phase is the practice
that I am applied to lead my marriage and my family. These practices
able me to strength my love with my wife and we are happy for 35 year
of our marriage and get together peacefully.
The second phase of the story is about the challenge, pain and sorrow I
am facing for 15 years till now when my wife was attack by stroke. My
ability to pass through all the pain and sorrow with patience and able to
continue my marriage and also able to ease the healing process that my
wife able to gain back her health and stay with love, joyful and has an
optimistic future in life.
As caregiver for the first one year is the time I learnt a lot about taking
care our lover who need aide nearly 100 % of her daily living need. As
the time goes on, she has regain her movement, the mental healing is
more improve and she manage to talk as normal person. During this time
it happen in the range of 3,4, and 5th
year, Thus the critical and hard time
for to face the attitude of stroke survivor which are very sensitive, fussy,
moody that made me as caregiver very stress to handle. Thus the time I
am nearly give up to take care of her. During this critical situation I has
to use all my soft skill regarding, motivation, communication,
interpersonal, time management and reactive thinking, Alhamdulillah
with patient I mange to resolved all the hardship and problems facing
and finally with the blessing of God, I able to prolong my responsibility
to take care my stroke wife with successfully gain her healing process
and till now after 15 years time, she war recover back her confident,
cheerful live and the most important achievement is that she can
adopted the handicap of her right arm and leg to keep on the live as
normal person, thus tons of experience I learnt in the time frame of 15
years, is a valuable knowledge that need to share with publics, who are
now caring their spouse as the stroke survivor. By writing my
experience in this book all our friend over the world can get the basic
8. 8
info as guidance to those newly get the title of a caregiver of stroke
survivor.
I hope my experience which I am recorded in this book will be one of
the source for those faces the same problem or those who has to take
care stroke survivor. Hopefully this book can help those facing depress
and stress as a care giver to try my method of healing process to recover
back the stroke patient and also to manager him or herself as caregiver
which may be facing stress and depress situation .God blessing.
Nik Rihan
9. 9
Chapter 1
Unpredicted Future Happiniess
“All men want a perfect life. But all men have to know, in this world
nothing is perfect except in heaven. Among the many things that want to
be perfect, there is one that all human endeavor, for close to perfect,
which is love.”
10. 10
All men want a perfect life. But all men have to know, in this world
nothing is perfect except in heaven. Among the many things that want
to be perfect, there is one that all human endeavor, for close to perfect,
which is love.
That's where myself and wife story begins. At a time when everything
seems to be almost perfect, that is when the Lord Allah brings His test.
Tests were at first made me think, where's my fault? What is my sin that
I do this?
But in the end I got it, God tests His fall was to make love to my wife
close to perfect. Perfect love that does not place conditions. Love does
not have to be pretty, do not have a voice sweet, smiling graciously need
not, and should not hug me too, I will still respond with love.
This is how my story begins
August 21st
, 1980
"Valid !"
"Valid!”
I heard those words and embraced that moment with gratitude and joy.
Thank God, I finally became a husband to the most beautiful woman in
my eyes. This is the woman who has been stealing my heart for so long,
and on that day, she became my legal wife. This is our beginning – the
beginning of a sweet and happy married life.
"Hubby dear, I love you," expressed my wife on the first night.
"Who does not love?"
"Yes, true Darling."
"I swear Darling. I will be by your side no matter what." I made my
promise to her.
We both smiled happily. And for almost 20 years God lend me my wife,
we are living a beautiful life full of sweet memories. Together we went
through the years of 80’s and 90’s, through the ups and downs of this
“roller-coaster ride” life. We had our good times, as well as our difficult
times.
11. 11
The God provides for us. Starting September 1st
of the same year, I was
appointed as an Administrative Officer. We were blessed with a little
treasure that we accumulate over the years, followed by the invaluable
gifts of marriage – children. Children are the testament of our love. We
have many of them that we had to raise both hands to count the number,
and that is seven – four sons and three daughters. Overall, our family
life is filled with happiness and joy, and we thank God for that!
Our life is fine, until the date of March 2nd
, 2001. My wife had to be
hospitalized for neurosurgery. Something I did not expect. Something I
did not know, and never even know it exists because she had never been
ill, except for occasional colds. Other than that, the most frequent type
of pain that she experienced was the abdominal pain due to pregnancy
for almost once a year at first and in the alternate three years after the
third birth and so on until the seventh birth.
"Mr. Nik, your wife is affected by neuro-complication, associated with
the genetic potential. One out of 200 thousand to 500 thousand people
suffers from this disease. The medical term is known as Artery-venous
malformation (AVM)."
At the time when the doctor told me about the problem, I have no idea
about it. If in the case of cancer or heart disease, I can imagine the
danger. However, I was oblivious about this disease. It seems a mystery
to me – a strange disease related to brain neurons. When attack occurs,
even a healthy person could become coma immediately. This shows that
we, as human beings, have lack of knowledge as compared to the
Almighty God, who is so powerful, who controls the universe.
Then when my wife was being taken to the operating theatre, I could
only say, "O my Lord Allah, to You I pray and to You I seek help. Please
save my lovely wife." That was the only expression and words that
could be uttered upon seeing my wife in a coma situation, being wheeled
by a nurse to the operation theater.
When my wife was out of my sight, when the operating theater’s doors
were closed, my mind recalled about my beloved wife who is so faithful
to me. Her sincerity of love and affection for her husband and family
was proven when I was being hospitalized in 1983, due to my right knee
pain.
12. 12
“My love, let me do everything. It is my responsibility to take care of
you until you are fully recovered." That’s what my lovely wife told me
nearly 30 years ago – during that time I had just been discharged after
about 6 months stay in the hospital. I continued having my Plaster of
Paris (POP) on for one year, which is the symbolic “proof” of her love.
It's a memory that will never be forgotten, ever, since the year of 1983
until today.
And now, it is my turn. My love and loyalty to my wife is being tested.
Did God ordain all of these as a countervailing to test our love toward
each other? Well, only He knows the exact answer.
I still remember how my wife had proven herself as a good and honest
wife of mine. She served her husband whole heartedly without any
groaning and grumbling. She did everything – she cleansed me up, she
bathed me, apart from doing her usual household chores and running
errands. I am so thankful to God for giving me an honest and kind-
hearted woman as my soul mate. To me, her love is so evident. I have
no doubt about that.
“Sir...” I startled out of my daydreaming when I heard the voice of a
nurse.
“Your wife is undergoing the operation which will take 3 to 4 hours.
You may wait in the lobby there. I’ll call you when everything is done,"
she said with a smile. I just looked at the nurse with empty heart.
I was lying down on the waiting room’s couch. My mind continued
daydreaming about the future of our family. The future is uncertain.
Whether it will be sunny or rainy or even stormy, I could not predict.
There is no tool to “measure future”, unlike the actual weather which
can be predicted as usually being done, using the weather forecasting
instruments. Our future is unknown for certain. Our life and death is the
secret of God the Almighty, the All-knowing.
My wife is undergoing surgery today and it is uncertain what will be the
end – will she be fine, or will it be the kind of situations that are unclear
and unfortunate?
"O Allah, You have the power to save my wife. Please keep us together."
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"God willing," replied my mind alone.
While waiting for my wife to be wheeled out of the operation theater,
the thoughts on how to take care of my lovely loyal wife kept on
haunting me.
"Hubby dear, you had more than eight months recuperating at home,"
my wife told me one afternoon.
"When can you properly walk?" asked my wife who was still lying in a
reclining chair.
"I do not know honey. It's up to the will of God. I will just accept it."
The situation is still clear in my mind. I can still remember everything
– how my wife faced the trials when my right knee was seriously injured
in the 80’s. She remained loyal despite me been already categorized as
a disabled husband.
I could barely move my right leg. It can only be moved by about 25%
of normal capacity resulting in so much pain. I walked like a person
wearing a prosthetic leg. From that moment, I began to see myself as a
disabled person. When performing my Solat (prayer), while sitting
between two prostrations and the ‘tahiyyat’, my right leg had to be
brought straight in front, I could not do it the normal way.
"It is such an unfortunate situation, but I can accept it as it is. This is the
fate destined by the Lord Allah,” I told my wife one afternoon after
being discharged from the hospital some time ago.
"Lucky me, you do not regret marrying me.” I used to say this to my
wife after discovering that my right knee pain would not heal completely
and function normally, that now I have a disability.
“Don’t say so. How can I regret? You were so handsome looking, just
like Amitabh Bachchan, the Hindi film star, when I marry you!” she
replied, trying to instill some sense of humor.
"Well, really?? No regret?” I questioned her back to confirm her
sincerity.
14. 14
"Well…. What else can I say? It's okay if you don’t believe me," she
replied nonchalantly. She looks a bit sad.
That is an old story which took place in early 1980s. Sweet love destined
us and lasted for three years before we tied the knot. From then on,
everything went on wonderfully. We lead a very romantic ‘husband and
wife’ life. We live happily always as a family unit. Everything has been
so memorable in the journey of our marriage.
Thinking of the blessings that I had in life before, I persuade myself to
face this situation with full conviction and perseverance because God
had destined, perhaps in retribution for the sins of my past faults or to
test my faith and devotion to Him.
Time passed quickly, and I had to accept the fact that my right leg pain
as a destiny that God had given me and my family. Nevertheless, our
loyalty and happiness is as intact as before.
Now, here I am, facing another big test of life. All that is happening now
will test our love and loyalty. Will it stay true as what we had talked
during the first time my wife and I met before? Will I be able to
withstand the fact that my wife might be paralyzed and unable to speak
after this operation?
“Your wife may be paralyzed in one side of her body. She may also
unable to talk due to shortening of her tongue.” This is what the neuron
surgeon told me when he tries to explain to me before I sign the
acceptance letter for the operation.
I just hear the doctor’s words. Nothing else can be done in such a panic
life or death situation, except for agreeing to any effort to resolve this
matter. The most important thing for me now is how my wife's life can
be saved. I hope she will continue to breathe the fresh air, and be there
as my partner to release stress of the day, or be the channel for my sons
and daughters to tell their daily stories. Besides she is the person that
brings smile and laughter to my grandchildren. Only to Allah I submit
all my hopes and my affairs. Nothing much we can do.
15. 15
The clock in the waiting room strikes 10:30 am. I was still eagerlwaiting
for the result of my wife’s surgery – no more further news from the
operation theatre. It was such a long wait.
In the meantime, I still could not accept the fact that my beloved wife,
who is a top aide to me in steering our family life, is now struggling
between life and death.
She was in a coma, and need immediate surgery to save her life. After
the operation done, her health situation in the future is uncertain –
whether recoverable or not, whether she will continue to breathe or will
it stop? In this state of ambiguity, I just surrender all the possibilities to
Allah, the Lord Almighty.
My mind couldn’t stop thinking. A lot of questions lingering in my mind
– is this the way Lord Allah washes away my sins, or it is the way to
compensate for my sins and wrongdoings that I have done before,
during my younger age? Could this be His way to test the level of my
faith and devotion? For sure I wouldn’t find the certain answer to these
questions. Wallahu’a’lam. Allah knows best.
Whatever it is, I just surrender to Him, the Ar-Rahman, the All-
Merciful, the Most Compassionate.
The incident that happened to my wife has created awareness and taught
something to me and our family members. It happened out of the blue –
a healthy wife is now in a coma!
She became coma during getting treatment for headache, which I
consider as a normal pain. At least that’s what the doctor told us before.
"Do not worry Nik. Your wife is just having a headache. She will be
okay after the treatment given,” the doctor said to me when I sent my
wife to a clinic for treatment.
That is our prediction when we are facing with uncertain facts that are
beyond our knowledge and skill.
And in fact, since the future event of every man is ambiguous, we can
only make predictions. The God is the one who will determine
16. 16
everything. The reality is, we humans are nothing – no power and might.
Everything we have is a gift and loan from the Almighty Allah. Allah
the Greatest!
As far as I can recall, the situation began on March 2, 2001. Upon
completion of the evening prayer (solat Maghrib), I suddenly heard a
roar-like voice of pain in the bedroom.
"Ouch…! My head hurts, dear! Please, help me! It hurts badly, dear!
Please….."
"Wait a minute. After I finished my prayer, we go to the clinic,” I try to
calm her down.
Once I finished praying, me and my son brought my wife to the clinic.
"What’s wrong with you madam?" asked the doctor who examined my
wife.
"My headache, the pain is acute, doctor.”
“My right hand and foot feel numb, makes me unable to move
properly,” my wife explained her situation to the doctor.
"Madam, your blood pressure is normal. It’s possibly migraine." The
doctor tried to calm my wife down.
“InsyaAllah, after taking your medication, the pain would be relieved."
"If you wanted fast relief, injection method is better,” the doctor
suggested.
"Okay…." She nodded her head in agreement.
The doctor prescribed injection and oral medication to relieve the pain.
That night, my wife’s headache was under control. The pain seemed
slightly relieved.
At noon the next day;
17. 17
"My dear, why is it that my hand and right foot feel numb?? And the
numbness is getting stronger…!" I heard the voice of my wife from the
bedroom.
"Maybe it’s the effect following injection last night."
"Be patient. You already took your medicines. The pain will disappear
slowly later," I tried to convince my wife who was still in bed, in pain.
It’s nearly dusk when I suddenly heard vomiting sound came from the
bathroom. I was on the praying mat after late evening prayer. I rushed
to the bathroom to see what’s happening.
"Why darling?” I asked as I pushed the bathroom door.
“Bluwekkk… bluwekkkk!”
My wife was vomiting, but I could not see anything coming out from
her mouth, only drops of saliva. I opened the tap water to clean the
residue on the floor which smells fish-like.
"Hubby dear, please… help me! Why am I vomiting incessantly?? My
right leg still feels numb," my wife begged me for my help. She looked
so weak.
I tried to help my wife. She seemed quite difficult to stand up. I
accompanied her and laid her down on the bed.
"Ok, let’s go and see the doctor," I told my wife, who was lying down
weakly on the bed.
Once again, we went to the same clinic. When it was my wife’s turn to
see the doctor, we went into the treatment room. The doctor checked my
wife’s blood pressure and found it normal.
“Your blood pressure is normal,” the doctor told my wife.
“It’s better to get warded for further diagnose and treatment by a
specialist doctor as it seems like you are experiencing an abnormal pain.
18. 18
It might be due to some blood clotting,” the doctor explained the
situation to us.
“Mr. Nik, bring this letter to a specialist doctor,” he said while handed
me the letter.
About five minute later, we reached the University Hospital in Kuhubby
Kerian. The distance is just 3 km away from our house.
"Sir, your wife is ready. Everything goes well.” I heard voice of a nurse,
which woke me up from my long daydream.
I found my wife lying on the bed, and she was accompanied by two
nurses to the hospital ward. She was still unconscious.
"Sir, please come with us," the nurse asked me. I just followed her
instruction.
"She will be warded in the ICU ward for the time being. After she has
recovered, she will be transferred to a normal ward,” explained the nurse
to me while we were walking down the hall to the ICU ward.
In the ICU ward, my wife was placed on a bed near the Staff Nurse on
duty, perhaps to facilitate supervision.
I just watched from a distance, from the lobby, as in the ICU ward,
family members of the patients are only allowed to be there during
visiting hours. They can visit for limited time and have to follow strict
procedures. This regulation is enforced for the comfort of the patients
and to ensure the patients get the best treatment.
"Sir, do not worry. We'll take care of your wife." The nurse uttered that
promise to me when she saw me, looking nervous and uneasy, while
waiting in the lobby of the ICU ward.
Yes, indeed I was nervous. But at the same time, I was calmly and
patiently waiting for my wife to recover from her surgery.
19. 19
In my mind, I still think about the greatness of Allah the Merciful, the
Compassionate. I actually do not think much when my wife was in a
coma in hospital in Kota Bharu, where according to the doctor, it’s only
a matter of time for her to return to The Creator. But fortunately, until
now my wife is still alive and safe. She is still able to breathe and recover
after undergoing the brain surgery to remove the bleeding before.
“Do not worry. This is normal for us. I did over 20 surgeries every
month," said the specialist to convince me when he asked me to sign a
consent letter for surgery.
I was overwhelmed by how the VVIP in Kota Bharu, who came to visit
my wife at the hospital on the evening of March 2, 2001, had instructed
the doctor to transfer my wife to Ampang Specialist Hospital in
Selangor (which is situated about 10 hours away via land road). It was
not in anticipation at all. But I believe this is this work of God, that
anything can happen although unexpectedly and seems impossible to
the human mind. Anything is possible to happen when the Lord Allah
wanted it to happen, as what the religious teacher told during the
Maghrib lecture that I had attended in the past.
"If we like helping people in trouble, later when we ourselves are in
trouble, there will be a way out, which comes with the help of Allah
although our mind thinks it as impossible. That's the advantage for those
who are generous and love to help people," preached the teacher.
I'm not sure if I was a man of philanthropy, the only thing I do is, if
anyone asked for help, I will do my best to help in whatever ways I
could. That's all.
The clock at the hospital lobby struck 3.20 pm. I felt quite re-energized
after taking a bath and changing the clothes that I wore since yesterday
and felt more refreshed after taking a nap after the noon prayer at the
hospital mosque.
"Sir, please come to the ward." The voice of a nurse is heard at the door
of the ICU ward.
I rushed to the door of the ICU ward and follow the nurse to a bed where
I could see my wife, lying there, unconsciously bedridden.
20. 20
I noticed a woman who was still lying in bed, her head is wrapped in a
thick bandage and her fingers were still clenched to her chest. There was
a monitoring device filled with a trip wire which monitors her heart and
blood pressure and the computer monitoring system showed my wife's
body condition is normal.
"Fortunately," whispered my mind.
As I stared at my wife, suddenly I heard her soft and weak voice.
"Hubby dear… Hungry..." I heard the gentle whisper coming out from
the mouth of my wife who had just begun to recover.
"Alhamdulillah," the words of gratitude came out of my mouth
spontaneously, while my hands grasped my wife's hand.
"Thank God. I love you!" I uttered spontaneously.
I am so grateful to Allah for He had answered my prayers. My wife who
underwent a major surgery is now fully aware and able to speak again.
This situation had brought back my conviction which has been
previously shaken in thousand of questions and uncertainties because
the doctors had predicted that my wife might be unable to speak after
the surgery. They too said that she could possibly lose her memories.
This incident had instilled a deep awareness in me who is lacking of
religious knowledge. It is proven that the power of God will fix
everything in this world.
The knowledge of God surpasses the sciences that human understand.
Unusual things which seem impossible to happen will happen too when
God desires. "Kun, Fayakuun." [This is the words of God in the Quran
which means “Be, and it is.”]
This is one instance of God power that happened to my wife.
Subhanallah.
This life experience that I faced where Allah had saved my wife’s life
is indication of the super power of Allah to His mankind. Thus, if we
21. 21
relied and trusted in Allah after putting every effort within our means,
God willing, there will be a solution determined by Him.
The conclusion of the story that I had presented here is that God
determines everything for His servants. We as humans can only plan for
success in the future, but God is able to change all our plans and the
results could be far different from what we expected. Yet in it lies His
wisdom, to see to what extent we believe and fear Allah.
Every calamity that befalls us is meant to bring us closer to Him through
seeking His blessings or asking for His help to resolve all the difficulties
as quickly as possible.
For those with high level of faith and devotion will be pleased with any
provision of God, because they believe in the promise of God that any
hardships dealt with patience will be rewarded and replaced by joy and
excitement when the time comes. But we as humans should put as many
effort as we could, and pray and then we leave the rest to the God. God
has promised that there will be a cure for every disease and there is a
solution to every problem. We should always put our hope in Allah.
Now, my beloved wife had been deprived from the godsend – her health,
beauty and perfection by Him. All the perfection attained so far has been
missing. Now she became a person with disabilities (PWDs) and has to
lead a life full of challenges and tests. As a husband, I must take full
responsibility for taking care of my sick wife who has been paralyzed
on one side of her arm and leg.
One day, I stared at my wife’s diary.
"You wrote this? Beautiful." That remark came out of my mouth.
"Are you kidding me?" she replied with a sardonic smile on her face.
Maybe she noticed that I was trying to understand her handwriting
using her left hand because it is not so clear.
"Good for you, if I did it with my left hand, it may be worst!" I tried to
boost my wife’s confidence and support her efforts and dedication
because she has diligently learned to write with her left hand. Indeed, it
22. 22
is her dedication that leads her to write using her left hand which has
allowed her life to return back to normal after she was paralyzed. After
nearly 15 years writing using left hand, she has mastered it and most
likely of the same standard with the handwriting of kindergarten
children.
That is the beauty that God bestowed upon my wife. She remains patient
and is full of dedication in facing her life with disability as given by
God. She has been through this for 15 years now and her daily life has
been very well adjusted.
I also could not believe it, that we, as husband and wife, has managed
to go through this long journey and bumpy ride successfully, while
continue to stay true to our love. The integrity of our love remains intact
in the toil and hardships of life. Despite the pain and sorrow that I faced
in taking care of my paralyzed wife for 15 years, my wife and I are still
happy and we are proud that our love remains sincere and evergreen for
the period of 35 years, up till today.
This happened due to adoption of methods that could foster love and
harmony in a marriage relationship. When I cross-checked with the
theories put forward by the researchers in the field of social sciences, I
found many similarities with what we had practiced in navigating our
marriage.
When the continuity of harmony and love is given emphasis, it is not
impossible for a marriage to last long.Perhaps “Love to Paradise”.
We feel necessary to disclose our story to the public as guidelines,
especially for couples who are having trouble in keeping their marriage
intact and also for those who are facing hard times in their relationships
as married couples. I hope the experience we have been through can
serve as guidance.
Moreover, when I examined the issue of couples who divorced, it shows
an increasing trend each year. Up to year 2010, the JAKIM statistics
shows more than 28,000 of divorce cases during those years. It
represents almost 30% of all marriages during that period. It is also said
that the couples who are divorced were newly married couples, who
23. 23
were in the range of three to six years of marriage. The majority of the
marriages (80%) are with the consent of the family.
Besides, my patience and ability to persistently take care of my stroke
wife for the period of 15 years. Is a valuable knowledge that I believe
should be shared with others. It would be beneficial to those who
recently became a caregiver to his/her spouse who suffered from stroke
attack. Those people are still searching for an effective method or
system on how to take care of stroke survivor. By reading my book,
perhaps the readers will get some information on ways to deal with the
stroke survivor and can help to ease their burden of caring for the
patient.
Recognizing this, I strongly feel that my experience in maintaining a
successful marriage despite facing hardship, full of challenges and
obstacles, is something that worth to be shared with the public.
As caregiver for the first one year is the time I learnt a lot about taking
care our lover who need aide nearly 100 % of her daily living need. As
the time goes on, she has regain her movement, the mental healing is
more improve and she manage to talk as normal person. During this time
it happen in the range of 3,4, and 5th
year.
Thus the critical and hard time for to face the attitude of stroke survivor
which are very sensitive, fussy, moody that made me as caregiver very
stress to handle. Thus the time I am nearly give up to take care of her.
During this critical situation I has to use all my soft skill regarding,
motivation, communication, interpersonal, time management and
creactive thinking, Alhamdulillah with patient I mange to resolved all
the hardship and problems facing and finally with the blessing of God.
I able to prolong my responsibility to take care my stroke wife with
successfully gain her healing process and till now after 15 years time,
she was recover back her confident, cheerful live and the most
important achievement is that she can adopted the handicap of her right
arm and leg to keep on the live as normal person, thus tons of experience
I learnt in the time frame of 15 years, is a valuable knowledge that need
to share with publics, who are now caring their spouse as the stroke
survivor. By writing my experience in this book all our friend over the
24. 24
world can get the basic info as guidance to those newly get the title of a
caregiver of stroke survivor.
I hope my experience which I am recoded in this book will be one of
the source for those faces the same problem or those who has to take
care stroke survivor. Hopefully this book can help those facing depress
and stress as a care giver to try my method of healing process to recover
back the stroke patient and also to manager him or herself as caregiver
which may be facing stress and depress situation. God blessing.
25. 25
Chapter 2
My Intention To Be The Best Husband.
“ I will be a best husband to you darling, pray to Allah so my intention
to be realized” I remember whispering to my wife on the first night of
our marriage about three decade ago.
26. 26
In our daily lives, having "clear intention" is a key element in any action.
According to the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad SAW (peace be
upon him) we should "start something with the intention of doing it for
the sake of God."
If we do a job because of God, it will affect our actions, which will be
based on the shariat (Islamic law) and the rules lay down by Allah and
thus will certainly influence the results of our actions too. If this
happened, we will attain a better position in this world and the Hereafter
since any work that started with a good intention of doing it for Allah
will be rewarded by Him.
For example, if we left the house in the morning to go to work because
we wanted to seek a lawful income to support our families – we spend
it for the wife and kids, on food and other necessities, to provide a good
shelter and vehicle for family members, it is considered a good deed.
However, if it was not accompanied by the intention ‘for God sake’, the
reward obtained is not considered as the reward of worship. What a loss!
Sadly, in reality, not many people are practicing it.
“I will be the best husband to you darling. Pray to Allah, may my
intention be realized.”
I remember whispering these words to my wife on the first night of our
marriage about three decade ago.
"You will, if that was your intention, Hubby dear,” replied my wife, who
lay down beside me. She looked into my face with a hopeful smile. That
is my promise to my beloved wife ever since it first began, and forever.
Could it be that what is happening now is a form of tests from God, to
test the loyalty of our love?
Reflecting the reality of life that I had been through when the first
intention to get married came across my mind, back in the early 80s.
The main intention is to select the best woman of my dream (faithful,
educated, beautiful and rich) to be my wife. With that intention in my
mind, I started to look around with open heart. However, I personally
do not encourage over-socializing. I tried my best to ensure I always
obey the Islamic guidance and rules. Even though at that time, it’s
normal for university students to be in a relationship during their
27. 27
campus life. That’s the common lifestyle of university students and they
seem proud to do so. But for me I chose not to follow the common
practice simply because it is against Islamic faith and rules, thank God
for protecting me.
"Nik, what’s wrong with you? You are always lonely in the dorm room,"
said Lee, who used to be my roommate in the USM (University of
Science, Malaysia) dormitory, three decades ago.
“My dear friend, I am so sorry. My principle is different from others,” I
tried to carefully respond to Lee’s question.
Both of us were in our first year at the university. Lee studied in social
science field while I took the course in Housing, Building and Planning.
"Sorry Lee. I have a different principle – if I was interested in
somebody, she will be the candidate of my future wife, not just as a
social companion or just for fun.”
“Nothing is wrong with that, Nik. Everybody practiced that,” Lee tried
to influence me.
“It’s better to be friend and get to know each other first.”
“It is normal, Nik,” Lee was still trying to convince me to accept his
idea.
"After all, we are still studying. So, just think about marriage later, after
graduation.”
"Sorry guys, I'm of different principle from you. I was taught to love a
woman who will be my wife, not for pleasure. Plus, my religion
prohibits over-socializing between men and women who are strangers,"
I tried to explain to Lee.
Lee looked at me with a puzzled face. It seemed he needs further
clarification on the issue we discussed.
I am grateful to God for guiding me with such principle that I have ever
since youth. It remains as such until I got married. Actually, the very
28. 28
same principle still exists until now. I believe this principle had shaped
a pure and sincere love.
The woman that I married is actually the girl that I admire since our
schooling age. We both took the same bus to school for almost two
years. It seemed that we are attracted to each other, but we kept the
feelings to ourselves. We exchanged glances and smiles. We liked each
other but remain silent about it. She is the kind of girl with a cute baby
face look, fair skin and slim body figure, whose image keep on running
in my mind. Her face reminds me of a popular actress in the 80’s.
“Darling, did you realize that I actually fell in love with you while we
were both waiting for a bus for school during our schooling years?” my
wife told me on the first night of our marriage.
"Ahh…. So no wonder when I stare at you, you look so shy and
blushing!” I quipped.
"Of course… Otherwise how can we get married?" Her finger pinched
my thigh.
"Oucchhh!" I screamed, and we both laughed.
That's the story of how both of us come to love each other some time
ago. Alhamdulillah, with God's will we were finally be united in the
name of a marriage. Could it be the actual proof of the Muslim’s faith
that the mate of a male and female has already been determined by Allah
in the Luh Mahfuz since we were born?
Our introduction for a more serious relationship happened after we
inadvertently met one night during a stage presentation at a school. I
bumped into her, who was accompanied by her mother and family to
watch the show
"I think we have met before." That is the first sentence I uttered when I
stared at her that night.
"Yeah, we’ve met near the stadium this morning," she replied and smile.
29. 29
"Where is your office?" I asked her again, after seeing her positive
response to my attempt to converse with her.
“My office is at the Din Construction. Where’s yours?” she replied with
a smile and then asked me back.
"I am still a student, undergoing my practical trainning at PWD," I
replied spontaneously in response to her question. In my mind, I am so
happy! No words could describe my feelings at that moment. The girl
of my dream had given a positive response to my conversation attempt!
That was the first moment we got to know each other more closely.
The next day during lunch break, I hurried to the stadium to find Din
Construction’s office. I was very keen to see the girl that I met last night.
When I arrived at the stadium, I saw her at the counter. She wore a light
yellow colored baju kebaya with batik sarung, She looked so pretty and
amazing.
"Asalamualaikum." I greeted her once I was in front of counter.
"Waalaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh," she replied with
sweet and lovely smile.
"You found my office!” She looked excited.
"Well, it’s not that hard to find…" I replied as I looked at this girl in
front of me. My heart began to palpitate – it started to beat faster and
stronger. I felt something unusual when dealing with her at that moment.
I’ve never talked to her before, just looking from afar, and keeping the
feeling in my heart. All this seemed like a fantasy. She is the pretty girl
that I always dream of, who came into my life and heart nearly two years
ago, and now she is standing in front of me! Could this be the beginning
of a love story that started to bloom in my soul?
After that episode, we used to meet and eat together during lunch hour
break. Sometimes we went for evening coffee after office hours
together.
One day, we were in the Santo Restaurant. We were having coffee
together and chatted. All of a sudden, I expressed this to her;
30. 30
"I want you to be my special girlfriend." She looked stunned yet excited.
She stared into my eyes deeply and her beautiful eyes melt my heart. I
could see her body shivered a bit. May be she was surprised with the
words that came out of my mouth.
“Is it true?" She asked while looking at me with a thousand meanings.
“Sure, indeed! I’m not joking. I am serious!" I responded earnestly to
give her confidence.
"But I'm not educated like you,” she replied and stared deeply into my
eyes.
"That's not an issue. The most important thing is you really like me." I
assured her that I am serious and not kidding.
Since that episode, we often meet and eat together during lunch hour. It
seemed both of us had started loving and accepting each other.
After I completed my practical trainning with PWD in Kota Bharu,
Kelantan, one day I told her that I seriously wanted to take her as my
wife. The formal session of “meminang” (engagement) would follow
soon after my graduation.
My dad and mom agreed with my suggestion. Moreover both of them
were well informed about our relationship from my sister who lived in
a military quarters in the same area. This quarter is not far from the
prison where her father served as Staff Sergeant.
"Your mom and I had set the date for the engagement in about a month
time. Tentatively, the wedding date will be after your graduation next
year. We hope you will agree with our plan. It’s better to focus on your
final examination first.”
I still remember the content of my father’s letter sent to me. I was so
delighted. The decisions were a surprise too, although they have been
giving their blessings and continue to make preparations for my
marriage.
31. 31
My parents’ action may be due to them feeling it was time for me to
settle down. I have completed my study and furthermore I am the only
son and the second in my family. My parents know that I am not a fly
guy, a social kind of guy. Or perhaps they thought about my age, which
would be over 28 years by September 1980 – which is considered too
old according to the Malay tradition if a gentleman was still not yet
married. Those were sort of things that were being considered by my
parents in planning for my marriage arrangement.
We just got to know each other more deeply during our engagement
period of 1 year. However, we were not that close in terms of our
locality. We were separated by the distance of more than 600 km away.
I stayed in Penang while she stayed in Kota Bharu. We seldom met each
other during our engagement period. What we could do to stay
connected was by writing love letters for each other.
Looking back at my intention to get married before, there is a weak point
in my stated criteria in choosing a future wife due to my own ignorance
and ego. As a young man, a beautiful wife is generally preferred. So the
beauty criterion comes first, then followed by religion or wealth or rank
(in any order). While according to the guidelines given as stated by the
Prophet, the most important criterion is religion;
“A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, for her
rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the
one who is best in the religion and character and prosper." (Bukhari and
Muslim)
Could it be that the disability suffered by my wife after we got married
and lived happily together for over 20 years, is a reminder from God
that if you chose a woman for her beauty, it's not going to last long and
He can take it back anytime. This proved what the Prophet had said (in
the hadith). The fact that my wife’s beauty, which made me proud of
her, is not long lasting, and now that the Lord Allah had took it back,
along with my admiration for her “comel lote” look (cute and pretty).
Now the reality hits - my beautiful wife had become a disabled person
.
This scenario made me deeply realized that everything we have in this
world is the blessing of Allah. He lent us all these blessings to be used,
for an appointed time period. So it is not right for us to claim what we
32. 32
have is due to our capability, our skills and brilliant knowledge when
the fact is everything in this world belongs to Allah. All is His, we have
nothing.
Now the incident made me realized that the disabled person needs our
support, either physically or morally. They did not ask to be born with
disability. Their disability is given by Allah and they have to accept it.
So we who are born with full ability, mentally and physically, have to
bear in mind that the disabled persons also have the right to live happily
and peacefully in this world. They should be given the same chances
and opportunities. We as normal persons should give full support and
help those handicapped persons. So let us together help them and give
them equal opportunity and freedom to enjoy their life just like normal
people.
For God looks, perfect or imperfect rather than a stone measuring one's
status. God looks at man by faith and devotion. They are high that the
devotion is honored by God. They are the ones who will go to heaven,
it is full of enjoyment.
If the intention is remembered back to the first installed there is also the
element of temptation, now God show His great power to transform all
human events.
Conclude of the story that if we are very profound to humble ourselves
that we shall always be sincere when installing an intention to do
something to get the pleasure of Allah.
Fortunately in the early first marriage was also put intention that I would
be the best husband to my wife and children. Try my best to be a man
loved by family and relative. This intention, Alhamdulillah Allah has
Fulfill although not 100%. This I say because Allah has given me
patience, perseverance, determination, and physical abilities to myself
as caregiver to paralyzed wife and proven by maintaining the duties till
now that has spanned for almost 15 years.
My passion and ability to take care my loving wife for more than 15
years is a great achievement as caregiver to stroke patient. The stories
spread over to the family members, my friends and neighbor . To such
appreciation I am scare and feel worries if it may miss lead me to be an
33. 33
ego person and proudness of myself. Such praise is actually made me
more scared and afraid to accept it, because we do not know our future
will it always be as good as today or yesterday or the day before. As
history has recorded a success story in the beginning and after climbing
the peak of success began to forget himself and was eventually broken
by egos are so high until finally he began condemned and scorned. 'O
Allah, I so Comatose preserve these properties for myself and my family
and close friends’.
Nevertheless hear are complaints of a two pies and two who feel envious
of my ability to take care of a sick wife and mother-in-law also makes
me have lived in our home for almost 15 years, since he was so close to
my wife. Discontent arises because when they invited his mother to
make pilgrimages to their homes, often at the invitation of the reasons
she did not able to leave her paralyzed daughter alone. Thus situation
sometimes make my in law a bit disappointed and frustrated. Thus will
effect our ties to some extant.
I was given guidance by God to be such issues as minor issues that must
be faced in our lives. Allhamdulillah our family ties can keep in peace.
Sometimes we have put the intention to be a best husband. A true
example leader, faithful and devoted, love to be righteous and to
determine soleh and solehah of our family. But the actual achievement
is beyond our power, the most powerful is Allah whose can finally set
the actual achievement and so forth.
TIPS:
1. "The happiness of the household depends on the intentions of
couples who want to get married. If the intention of getting
married in order to please God, will be commendable attitude
between husband and wife. Mixing in the surf boat home will be
based on the laws set down by the Quran and Hadith.
Households will receive the blessings and guidance of God.
Family relationship is always cheerful and peaceful. "The
marriage would last until the end of life –Insya Allah ( God
willing)"
34. 34
2. The relationship between male and female should not to socialize.
There must be limitation that are restricted to the Islamic teach and the
Eastern Culture do and don’t, if their relationship too free may be to sum
extend both of them will be further dealing with unlawful sex
intercourse. These will be bad for their future generation. This will lead
to discord easily occur when there are problems in the household and
ultimately easily lead to divorce. When divorce occurs, children will be
the victims and may affect the achievement of their academic, thereby
making their future is rather grim. Many cases of separation of husband
and wife which resulted in children who lack parental love and
affection, will be lured to blame drug abuse or other social issues-lin.
Endless become hardcore addicts and cause problems to society and the
nation.
3. Factor beauty looks while choosing life partner is not be a major
factor, as beautiful of a person can change in an instant if required by
God. A beauty queen that crazy by gentlemen can be ugly overnight
when his face hit of acid or involved in an accident. Therefore do not be
a reason to choose a very beautiful woman. What the most important
that a women who have religious knowledge and noble character. These
properties are more short-lived and will provide many benefits to
married life. ‘Solehah’ most obedience wife will please the husband and
can educate children to the streets of heaven.
4. According to the statistics of divorce issued by the Councils of
Religious Muslims across Malaysia, the number of divorces among
married in Malaysia are relatively high, it is said each day of the sixth
partner. Almost 80% of divorces that occur are of couples who received
the blessing of the family during the their marriage first. Why does this
happen, could it be because they have long been recognized in each
other a meal of love and affection in between them began to fade when
married, when this happened to occur conflict between spouses or it may
be because they do not have a husband and wife enough knowledge to
manage their households.
5. In the reality of life abilities or accomplishments made by a person,
not necessarily be applauded and supported by all parties, but there is
certainly an underestimate because of their ability to make judgments
based on different perceptions. For the offender if he commits a job
35. 35
because Allah and has ensured that it does not conflict with God's
commands, then we should be grateful even if not praised and admired
by many. Get the pleasure of Allah is more important than getting
people of the world award.
6. Islam assess a person is their high level of faith and devotion are those
who succeed in life. They will have a place in paradise full of
enjoyment. Therefore everyone should use this life to earn the pleasure
of Allah by increasing your faith and devotion.
7. If we are sincere in doing a job, it would be easy, because the one
who always gets help from God because they have to make something
work not for the praise of man, but it does because there is a sense of
responsibility and fear Allah if do not all eat him. One who can faces
the tests with courage and dedication, as he always think well of Allah.
When misfortune he would be patient because he believes with current
disaster that He has given it as a test to further enhance the level of faith
and devotion. People who sincerely believe that Allah is All-Knowing
and All-Merciful and Compassionate. He will replace it with something
nice disasters better than ever. For that we have to wait the time will
arrive Segal mercy and grace of God. "God is with those who steadfastly
persevere."
8. Because I put the intention to be a best husband to my wife, when she
was attack by stoke, due to that she was paralyze one side of her body
(right) and I become caregiver to my wife for the period of 15 year, I
manage to do that due to the God pleasure that full fill my desire, Thus
intension is the key of my success to be patient to face all the challenge,
pain and sorrow as stroke caregiver for the period of 15 years without
fail.
.
36. 36
Chapter 3
Emulate The Prophet SAW Morals
" Darling, I try my best to be a husband who follow the sunnah of the
Prophet Muhammad SAW" I tried to convince my wife.
..
37. 37
" Darling, I try my best to be a good husband. Whose follow the
Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammas SAW" I tried to convince my wife.
" You promise must be fulfil hubby " spoiled greet my wife.
" Insya Allah, Hopefully my intention will be practice, I will try my
best " I gave a commitment.
"I want to be like Siti Khadijah." Wife interjected.
"That's good, emulate the Prophet's wife, I hope that our love
everlasting"
I try to refresh our promise on the first night of our marriage. Those
promises still stick to my mind as fresh word to been said a few days
ago, even tough it was happen last 35 years. I will remember forever
till my lung stop breathing. It is my ambition and intention to practices
Islamic way of life as been tough by our Prophet Muhammad SAW. I
will do the best in everyday life to follow the Sunnah of Rasulullah
SAW.
"Can I practices the Sunnah in everyday life" I try to question myself.
" I have too, I must try, If not how to test my faith ?’ I seldom talk to
myself.
" Impossible ! the Prophet is a man of God, you are only ordinary
person, certainly will not be achieved" this issue messing my mind
when trying to remember my promise to my wife on the first night of
our marriage.
"I will try my best to deliver on that promise, if I was try and do not
succeed, it is better than do nothing" I tried to convience myself.
Of course, in this life we should have a dream to become the best person,
with the sacred intention of putting it, we try to achieve it by working
hard, God willing, we will succeed portion if not all, did partially is
sufficient. When we install the intention, God will give us guidance.
38. 38
In order to achieve my goals and also the hope of my dear wife, I will
attempt to ensure that all daily life will not stray from what has been
outlined by Islam and the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad SAW.
Thank God, our lives as husband and wife I was able to implemented
although not 100%. Perhaps it is blessed upbringing of my parents,
whose during my childhood was so loud to hold the principles of
educating us based on Islamic teaching.
To make the Prophet SAW as idol, we need to know about his lifestyle.
Therefore we must accure knowledge regarding biographys of
Rasullulah SAW. The best husband of all husbands in this world, his
life been guided by Allah. If we lack religious knowledge and skill, we
need to improve from time to time. I always take a positive attitude to
be friends with religious peoples as companions. It is easy to reffers and
get their advise when it comes to legal matters of religious
jurisprudence. Arab proverb says, "if we are friends with the perfume
seller, we will be able to smell the fragrance of perfume. Conversely, if
we are friends with a blacksmith, at the steepest we will feel the heat of
hot iron. "
The second act I did was to read more books either books of religion,
or religion-related articles in newspapers and blogs on the internet. Such
methods will be able to expand knowledge about the religion and laws
can be updated from time to time. Another approches that I practiced
is always listening to religious lectures on TV and internet. For example,
the slot of "Ask Ustaz" in TV or on You Tube and also listen religion
CD which can be purchase at the night market. The principle of the
pursuit of knowledge throughout life is the practice of which I still
practiced to this day.
In educating ourselves to improve the science of religion, we need to be
open and diligent nature to increase knowledge, based on experience,
on began playing for acquire religious knowledge, there will be noticed
in ourselves tough that we have enough knowledge, "I'm good at, I
know better than the teacher ", this will all happen in our lives because
in the beginning we will be seduced by the devil and desires so as not to
increase the knowledge of religion. On the contrary, when we often
attend these class we will feel that much more things applied with which
we do not know, as told by word of God:
39. 39
"If all the sea were used as ink to record My knowledge, you will be ran
out, and the knowledge that it is only slightly compared with the
knowledge of God, like you dip your hands in the air sea and hold on,
water that stick in your hands that you have that knowledge, as opposed
to the science of God, which many did not know as much water in the
vast sea of outstretched. "
Based on the little knowledge that I have tried to make Prophet
Muhammad SAW as a guide and practice in leading family life. I am
taking action to ensure myself first is to do the will of religious
principle, such as the five prayers certainly executed without a stay,
done at the beginning of prayer time, nature trusts, always give
forgiveness, always tell the truth, like charity and helping people in
distress and need help. Similarly with other rituals like fasting month of
Ramadan, paying zakat fitrah and zakat income. And if it is able to
perform the pilgrimage once in the life.
In addition to the mandatory practices, we also perform circumcision
practices such as fasting on Monday and Thursday when the
spaciousness, giving alms to orphans and the poor. Donate to charity
things such as building mosques, the disaster fund and so on.
One thing that we practice in following the sunnah of the Prophet is
always a capacity to love in the mix with my wife and family.
Throughout our marriage over 35 years, never one single time I hit the
wife. To adopt such a nature that it is very hard and demanding,
especially at a young age, the twenties and thirties, because at the
moment our soul boiling with turbulent feelings ego as a man who holds
a degree from the university. But when we increase religious
knowledge and little by little it can bereaved feeling in our soul. Now
that I am old and senior citizens have been able to throw away the
egoistic nature, all the advantages and know-how available to us is God
who is on loan for some moment to us.. Thank God for the guidance of
Allah who have changed my ego. . I pray to You, O God thanks for all.
Amen.
Perhaps thanks to the practice of using Prophet as an idol in married life.
We have been able to lead the way domestic life until now has been
dedicated to left over the age of 35 years, I was so thankful for with His
40. 40
permission to run perfectly without a huge problem. Our homes are
always happy, thank God.
I also expressed my profound gratitude because God gave me courage
to face life's various challenges with patience, and always be aware that
all the hardship and complexity of my own responsibilities and also
faced by our family, it is a testing and provision of God to test the
patience and their faith. I also tried to receive all the trials with stoic as
myself felt that God brought the test is to further increase in rank. To
erase off my previous sins.
During the wedding we were over 35 years is not true to say that there
is no misunderstanding. As has been the spices in the surf boat
household will occasionally hit by thunderstorms and tidal waves. When
you look back at the history of our households are twice
misunderstanding with my wife, during our first ever happen to be in
the early period of marriage, at the time my wife was allergic early
months of pregnancy, and one day my grand father came to visit us and
he stayed one night. Want to make a story, I was returning home late
from outstation duties, back with fatigue. After Maghrib (evening
prayer) I fell asleep, woke up in the middle of the night when I found
grandfather sleep without a blanket on the sofa.
" Daling why you did not prepare bed for Tok Ayah to sleep ? , he slept
on the sofa all night, without blankets, why huh". I scold my wife the
next morning.
"I am sorry, last night I am too tired, after all my head is spinning" the
wife responded with a fearful voice.
" Ooo….. that the excuse, when my relative coming to our house, you
just take for granted, how dare are you, this the way you entertain our
gest “ I spoke with loud voice, The wife remained silent, he keeps
running into the room, "Deengong” the sound of door firmly closed.
My wife was upset with me, she did not spoke to me for two days,
Sometimes, as a husbands do something in anger and not rationally
thing the effect of our relationship with spouse. Thus will be effect our
relationship with others. According to our Prophet Teach, “ the good
person is that the one whose can control their anger and be very kind to
his wife and family”.
41. 41
Having put our minds to test and provision of God, then there will be
patience in going through all challenges and resistant or distress. One
thing that I have made as my motto of life is "any barrier that will
definitely achieve success in the end." The motto of life that was set
here cause I do not have a dictionary of frustration, despair and failure
in life, always assume that Allah is with the steadfast and Allah does not
burden His servants. His words:
" Be sure we shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of
wealth, loss of life (mortality) and fruits. And give glad tidings to those
who patiently persevere. " ( Al-Baqarah 2: 155).
Thanks God that give the patience to face any sorrow and difficulties in
my life since I was a school boy about 30 years ago. Myself been tested
with difficulties and sorrow triple times. At first when I am in the form
three, during attending my secondary school, my wright knee was
swallow and very pain to walk. I had to get everyday injection at
hospital to heal the pain, and lastly my Lower Certificate Examination
has to sit in the hospital. Unfortunately I manage to score A grade.
Thanks Allah. Alhamdulillah.
I still remember how shame of myself that been bullies by some of my
school mate one day.
"Wow, boy with wrapping knee is passing" jokes naughty school boy
one day. I just pretended not to hear and proceed to pass by.
The most crucial of all is when I arrived at the examination date entered
is hospitalized for more serious illness. "Nik you have to sit for the
Lover Certificate of Education exam at the hospital" Mr. Yusoff Ngah,
the principal told me when he sent me to the hospital.
I just nodding to and looked at him with a lot uncertainties of future. He
is so concerned about me, he took me from the hostel to the hospital
every day to get the injection.
If the browser return journey twists and turns of my life as a teenager
and eventually settle down and have a family generic, I often tested by
God with the pain and distress. Thus made my immune with the distress
and able to face it with patience. I remain grateful for the trouble I used
42. 42
to have it made me not to be complacent and drift beyond the
boundaries of religion in navigating the life times from time to time until
now. The pain which I am facing as a shield for me from committing
acts that violate the law (great sin). Because if I want to do an act in
violation of the religious law, will come the feeling in my mind that if I
do so, may Allah will put more serious illness to myself.
I am also grateful to Allah that give guidance to make me as one of his
heat always remember the teachings of Islam brought by Prophet
Muhammad SAW. At least it can be used as a way of life and his servant
shield themselves less well this going through life with caution and lead
by Islamic teach and faith, not much could have been a little bit of
guiding me so always in the wright track in preparation for the true
permanent life in the hereafter. Indeed, in driving journey to heaven it
was supposed to be the focus when we are given the opportunity to blow
in this mortal world. Because current life is the time for us to make
preparation for the permanent life in haven in real life of hereafter.
People who focus and aim to have pleasure in hereafter will not be
derailed many of the guidelines set by Islam as taught by Great Prophet
Muhammad SAW.
Tips:
1. As a Muslim who believes in Allah, we must make follow-up to
challenges in family life. Because Allah has stated that the most
perfect human being in this world is the Prophet Muhammad SAW.
Prophet Muhammad SAW was the leader of all prophets and he is
the last messenger till the last day of the world. His character been
detailed out in the Holy Quran.
2. If we makes prevention as a source of moral guidance for our
lives, for sure we will live with faithful and devoted, and our lives
will be safe in this world and the hereafter, God willing. Morals
prevention is guided by the Quran. The book of Lord Allah to all
mankind.
3. If we practice prevention in life, we will be liked by the wife,
family and community. Our lives will be filled with good manners
and constantly seeks to please God. The personal appearance will be
43. 43
the reflect of Islamic faith and teach which was practiced as the way
of our life.
4. Husband who became Rasulallah SAW as an idol or guides for
married life and family is certain to be cherished and loved by wife,
children, families and communities. The husband who practiced the
sunnah Rasullah SAW in their daily life and will not perform deeds
that forbidden by Islam. He will be a person of using guidelines set
by Islam will get a blessing from God and our life was always
perfect and happy.
44. 44
Chapter 4
Obey The Commandments.
" Is it possible for me to be a responsible husband to keep all my family
in line with Islamic teach ?" This is a question that often exist in my
mind as at first married ever since.
.
45. 45
As a Muslim has the intention to review absolutely and make sure our
life as a husband always obey the commandments. Husband must be a
leader that always lead his family to follow the faith of God. If we do
not obey the commandments, that means our promise (sahadah) which
was confer by us is unacceptable by God Allah. Because it shown that
we are not yet be a honest believers. The promise must be followed by
action to review obey all the commandments. In everyday life we need
to obey the commandments linked to the field; circumcision; Should
not do any illegal or disobey activities. I often use the term to 5
Principles of Life. However by reality in our daily life it is very difficult
for us to review that we always adhere to the Commandments. Except
for those who are high degree of faith and piety.
I still remember the words of religious teacher some time ago. "Male
person when been official married has become a husband that actually
receive a lot of responsibility, His are responsible to ensure that his wife
and kids understanding fully the Islamic teach and faith, and must
always be able to obey the faith and teach at all times without fail. If not
so husband is responsible and answerable to the Lord Allah at hereafter
and he will be sent to hell if the family which is under his responsibility
fail to follow the commandments.
" Is it possible for me to be a responsible husband to keep all my family
in line with Islamic teach ?" This is a question that often exist in my
mind as at first married ever since.
" Han, when your are married, your wife and your kids must confirm
adhere to religious teachings," my father told to me while we talk about
the wedding day one time ago.
"In sha Allah". I am response with fully committed.
My late father advice still stick to my hearts and soul. I swear to myself
to ensure the burden of leading my family to follow the Islamic faith
and teach is always be my priority objectives. especially about prayer.
That is not compromise to absent, everybody in the family must
performed 5 times per day. Only with syariah excuse can left the solat.
I myself must lead by examples, I will ensure the 5 times prayer must
be done on time schedule by Islam. The leader by example must shown
46. 46
his commitment first and after that he able to command others under
his controls.
“ Subhanallah, I am as leader has to ensure myself to perform 5 times
daily prayer with out fail. That is a must to be a good and responsible
husband” I always talk to myself. This is the most important task as the
husband and father. I being given a responsibility by syariah law that
the husband must able to educate and coaching his family to be a good
muslim and good citizen.
To the extend I must lead and coaching my wife and kids to ensure all
of us have to obey all the religious teach and faith in everyday life
activities. I must check and monitor everyday to ensure the forbidden
and disobedience will not happen regarding our daily responsibility to
Allah such as prayer 5 times, fasting one month for Ramadan, paying
zakat fitrah (personal zakat, paying income zakat, and finally performed
Hajj at Mecca once in our life.
While all the bad attitude that been classified as HARAM ( the way to
hell) must be totally left over. If it happen with out control as we did the
forbidden activities, we must immediately pray to Lord Allah asked for
His forgiveness, taubah Nashua, by pray and back to Allah for
forgiveness and make an intension not to do again the same mistake in
the near future and forever.
While the circumcision is practiced should be as far as possible as giving
alms, helping others whose are distress, doing charity work for poor
people and orphan.
A situation that given a free choice to us to do or not to do, I always
advice my wife and kids try to accommodate the teach and take a
decision to follow what been experienced by our grand Ma and Pa which
is given benefit to us. I will ensure we be accept to that give good impact
to our life and give harmony relationship to other people.
Things that Should be given to a crash whether to perform or otherwise
such as to eat fish and vegetable based dishes or to eat red meat or white
flash. It is free for us to take any decision what ever we like.
.
47. 47
Things that advisedly not to do (makroh) priority for us to leave or not
to eat such as not advise to eat garlic when we are going to mosque to
perform prayer ( solat) . It’s also apply to smoker cigar that been put
lawly as makroh. Luckily I am not the smoker. That is one of my special
principle which is proud by my wife as we start to know each other 36
years ago. Lately doctor confirm that cigarette is bad to human health
and it will lead to cause cancer to the smoker. I put my personal aim not
to smoke till the end of my life. InsyaAllah.
In keeping intention to review compliance commandments hearts
everyday life, we need to sufficient knowledge of the law and order of
religion. To ensure this been compliance we must update the knowledge
and continuous learning must be done. If we have the attitude not to
study any more, that is the wrong attitude, because in the real world, the
development and improvement of our technology, knowledge and skill
it upgrading from time to time. We must be able to avoid the stigma of
stop learning to the senior citizen people, it is a great mistake, because
the fact human life in the universe are very dynamic to change forever.
So it is worth for us study everyday to comply to the change need by
the environment of change and it increased with time.
Try to look around us everyday, internet tools Development and
Communication Technology leaps and bounds. Children and
grandchildren in the future is extremely expose to internet technology.
So it is the time for every husband to be expose with the latest
development of communications technology. Thus very important to be
able our self to ease the way of communication with the younger
generation where as their culture has been influenced to the life virtual
borders less world,
I still remember, my 4 years old grandson alert me at one time,
"Tok Dad, wait a minute. The computer is still loading". Grandson said
when he saw me try to punch key board. “ Oops, how stupid of me, the
4 years old grandson is more advance than his grand dad” that the words
come to my mind when been alert by grand son, for some time when I
visited my eldest daughter at Putrajaya.
.
48. 48
"I'm ashamed, grandson has better computer skill than me? " This is the
reality of life, science that incident I try my self to update the knowledge
of every things that I think useful for our daily life.
.
By doing that, I am more confident to face the latest development of the
world. This what been talked by our be love Rasulullah SAW “ To day
is better than yesterday, and tomorrow must be better than today” this
principle must be applied to everything we did in our daily life. That is.
To ensure that I can be a husband and father, I must always to emulated
Posted Wife And Children, I am forced to increase religious knowledge
every time. More, More and More I is not coming back to school up
bringing religion. On the Primary school only enrolled in public
schools (1960-1966) and entered the stream English High School for
five years.
A shock like that, I was lucky my father was graduate school of Islamic
based study and he served as a religious teacher and also as Register
of Marriage in the District. My father teach in several mosques and
madras. The life of such an enabling environment I was grown up with
religious discipline, especially in relation to the practices that are in
demand Fardu (compulsory) Posted Islam.
"How many Pleasure of God blessed to use every moment, Lives
Mercy, Mercy of Air, abundant water, health grace, mercy appetite and
much more, countless" father said to the congregation in the mosque
hears by audience at one night.
" we as a husband who lives in His grace should thankful " continued
the verse with great enthusiasm, the audience just nodding to sign a
deal.
'God did not ask to pay of His grace at all, the only thing we should do
just pry and follow of His Ordinance and exalt Him. Do all His
commands and prohibitions to leave all. "Dad explained Again.
The words that I still remember to this day, although my father was
gone, back to His Creator over 15 Years Ago. Words of wisdom is what
become my Life guidelines to worship God for the life time.
.
49. 49
My religious knowledge which I was acquire through un formal
education learning. My father is the teacher whose guided me and
always added the value of improvement my Islamic knowledge. I gain
my knowledge by discussing several issues such as economic, politics
and education etc.
I still remember the discussion of government economic development
plan one day.
" Our government table the Five Years Economic Development Plan to
eradicate the poor”. I told father one night during my Hari Raya
vocation.
“ Impossible to eradicate the poverty” my father response to me“ That
statement is wrong, It is against the nature of universe”. He try to
convinced me,
“ Allah The Creator create all thing in the universe are pairs, big verses
small, rich verses poor, happy verses sad, life verses death etc. .” Dad
try to confine his word.
‘’ Be law of nature, there will be a poor people from times to times, the
poor definition is relatively flexible”
“ If the person whose stay in town, their household income RM 2,500.00
per month, is still under poor low income, but if he stay at rural area,
RM2,500.00 is include under rich people, that the reality of life now
days”. Father debate his point like an economist. I just node my head to
agree what father said.
“ further more in the holy Quran, Allah stated that the poor is part of
the society that should be the responsible of rich to take care by giving
income zakat”.
“ The correct word should use be uses is To Reduce the number of poor
people," said father confidently as his word been support by me.
“ Your are correct dad”. I try to support father talk.
50. 50
The situation is normal in our family when there is an issue. it look like
my father always lead the situation because he will put the proof of
Quran verses, that I am gain my knowledge in religious principle and
faith. Out of these discussions make me gain knowledge, especially
about law and order of Islam.
Such a situation does become a routine discussion when I returned to
the village during University semester break. During the discussion I'm
more focused on academic school of tough by arguments Economic and
social sciences, while my father thoughts more focused on religious law
and order based on the Quran and Hadith. The discussions and
exchange views on such matters made me more matured and deeper in
understanding faith, law and order of Islam from time to time. Thus the
informer education that educate me to know batter about the faith and
practiced of Islam in our life.
Such atmosphere has gone for the last 15 years ago, It just a memorable
when father was passed away. I am very glad to my father whose always
guided me on Islamic way of life to get the pleasure of Lord Allah.
Thanks Allah. I used to follow father style in providing training and
learning to our Children and grandchildren till now.
To ensure our children performance pray five time a day, I will always
remember them when there is opportunity to communicate with my
sons and daughters.
“Have you perform your prayer?" words come from my wife as once
our child pass over our bed room. Sometime the opportunity to remind
our kids when they comes to get some pocket money before they went
to school.
"This is your pocket money boy, remember your 5 times prayer daily”.
That the regular expressions by me or wife when ever we dealing with
kids. Thank God It’s positive effect to our family.
However, when all of them grown up, they began too busy with their
own business. They can made their decision to perform their prayer
accordingly. Either in the house of at the mosque. I just follow up
through SMS to refresh them.
51. 51
As been taught by Hadis Rasulullah SAW, “ Be friends with your
children when their age is 18 year and above..” it is advisable to be
friend and it seem the most effective way to educate our child.
“ Dad wishes many-many thanks to all, your performance so far are
good” I talked as opening speech during our family meeting one day.
“ Thanks for been a good and obey to Islamic faith and law at all times.
So far so good, That practice should permanently be continuous in our
life if we put an intention to be good Muslim”. I elaborate more
regarding our objective and goal in the life to get pleasure and pleasant
by Allah, that we will be reward with haven Jannah in the hereafter.
“ Now dad open the discussion to all, you can put a comment to dad and
mom. Regarding our responsibility as parents”. I open our meeting to
all the members.
“ I am personally and represent all my brothers, sisters and all our kid,
to wishes thousand thanks to Dad and Mom, that both of you take care
for us”. Along, my eldest daughter spoke as representative of all.
“Thank you " I reply.
“ Dad and mom wishes many-many thanks to all of your that able to be
a good person whose obey the law and order of Lord Allah in everyday
life”.
“ Thanks God whose bless our doa”.’ “ Both of us are very happy with
all of your performance last year”.
Thank God, the God Who gives guidance to me be consistent to obey
God's commandments, which was adopted by my wife and children.
As we were marriage till now day, I never and ever hit my wife, and
also we never facing the serious crisis, our great loyal lover evergreen
and lasting for more 35 years. Allahamdulillah with God pleasure we
manage to entertain our sincerity and loyalty love. Our loving
relationship of husband and wife is always smoldering and happiness
is always fresh. The most important factor that to sustain our loyal lover
due to intention been put by me as husband to take fully responsibility
to please Allah both in this world and hereafter. Maybe God has guided
52. 52
us to avoid any serious differences Intent to our family and we most
always eager to obey the Commandments of God.
As so when I heard the situation where husband abuse cruelly to his
wife, I cannot imagine what kind of man
That can be as such rude and brutally hit the wife when there is a
differences of ideas and tough. Event tough the wife is husband partner
to release his tension and sharing the distress. The person who entertain
his sex need and emotionally places of stress release.
It is un fair for a small problem, the husband hammered his wife in
such a way. Such action is extremely again the teach by Rasulullah
SAW. The Prophet is the husband of the very gentle with all Wife. If
the husband hit his wife for what ever reason, Islam was set the
prescribed procedure. Thus who brutally hit his wife is due to the lack
of religious knowledge and the person that did not obey the law and
order of Islam.
In addition to prayer, reading the Koran every day has become a routine
for me and my wife, our kid frequently read when they feel free. This
practices is one of the way to regain the peaceful mind and soul. The
impact of recite the Quran it will be a factor of healing process for most
of the pain we suffer and also will made the reciter emotionally feel
fresh and calm. Quran reciter which focus to the Quran reading
procedure will be part of process to exercise the brain and our soul focus
and the process is to be a good for brain development, some time it been
call as the brain tonic. Beside the Quran also to a good healing for most
of the pain in human body.
To help my wife be influent reading the Quran, I bought the new
electronic technology called “ Quran Pen reader” it is very simple to use
just pointing the pen needle to the page of Quran, It is automatically
recite the Quran by the world best reciter of Masjid Al Haram Mecca.
By using this technology it is easy for us to furbish and made correction
of our reading style.
Thank God that He has granted Intention four our family to be
consistently recite of Quran in our daily life.
Now I am able to read fluently. I am also hire a ladies Quran Reading
Teacher to come to my house to teach my wife and all the children. The
53. 53
Quran Reading classes. That bee schedule for 3 days in a week. The
class begin after night prayer. The habit of reading Quran daily will be
a good source to release our tension, some time ago I was read an articles
regarding the healing or Quran, it is true, my wife after she practices
reading Quran as a consistent her daily activity it seen the healing
process of her pain be a proven the she was better than before. Her mind
set and way of thinking to the hope of her future world is more positive
as compare as before, at the early stage of stroke she is more inferior
and depress.
As a husband it is a must to gain the skills of family management and
caring, beside that the husband also need to manage the family
financial and economics. We also need careful plan according priority
needs by the family and used the money accordingly to the needs and
priority. If we do not proper plan, possibly monthly income cannot
coupe the monthly spent. Thus will be a problem of cash flow and the
end of the month we have to borrow form other people. Thus the
situation will be trap be the Money Lender (Along) whose lend the
money with high interest rate. The was is forbidden by Islam.
"O God as your servant . I begged forgiveness and repent in differences
All errors and omissions that violate the command thee. Thou art the
Oft-Returning, Most Forgiving." Amin Ya Rabil Alamin
Tips:
1. Basic knowledge of religion is essential to the husband as head
of the family, because it will be used to review educate wife and
children on the wright path of Allah law and order. To be a husband
is actually your are committed to take responsible of your wife and
family. Any failure the husband will be questioned in the Hereafter.
So to be a best husband, we have to acquire more knowledge of
Islamic faith, law dan order to ensure our family can be guided
accordingly and inline with the Islamic tough that will bring our
family a success In the current world and the day hereafter. Insya
Allah.
2. The husband with vast knowledge of Islamic faith will able to
guide the family in the wright path. Those who have the knowledge
and practices in live will be a leader as example to their follower,
54. 54
Thus their daily life style will be guided by the Lord Allah and
having the pleasant of Allah all the times. This will bring the family
to have a better living in the world and hereafter,
3. Reading Quran as daily activity will be a good source of healing
to the stroke patient. Thus by reading Quran it proven it is barakah
of word of Lord Allah. The direct effect is the patient will be more
confident and able to reduces stressed. This will be a good source to
regain future life confident and finally will improve the recovery
process. ( this is due to the reality of my stroke wife for 15 years,
now she mange to live as a normal person).
4. The Husband with strong religious knowledge and practiced in
their life, able to overcome all the challenges and tests of God with
great patience and ability to maintain domestic harmony and good
relations between husband and wife until the end of life. The
husband with patient and always guide their family according to
Islamic teach will obtain a good relationship in the family and their
life is a great pleasant of Allah in the world and hereafter.
InsyaAllah. (God Blessing).
5. The evaluation of internet technology in the borderless world to
indicate that the need of continuous learning been adopted as part
of our latest lifestyle. We must be able to learn new IT technology
to be able to communicate with our children as they use to
communicate through internet as part of their way of communication
each other. “ The principle of LEARNING FOR THE WHOLE
LIFE” should be adopted.
6. Skills designing and managing the family finances is a skill
essential to a husband who wants to be exemplary husband is
brilliant. If the husband is not smart enough to make the Family
Income Applicable and insufficient. The husband who is
responsible to control family income should have the skill of
financial management.
.
55. 55
Chapter 5
Thankfully God Pair With The Best Wife.
“Terms of Allah is the best. (Humans only planned but that the success
is Allah. Allah is All-Knowing and Wise). God's plan against us is the
partner that best fits our personality.”
.
56. 56
Terms of Allah is the best. (Humans only planned but that the success
is Allah. Allah is All-Knowing and Wise). God's plan against us is the
partner that best fits our personality.
"Sister Ani kind like a cute dolls" said my youngest sister, "That's why
I chose her”.
"She is the perfect partner for me" I’m joking with my sister. The only
smile shown on my face with a thousand meanings when such praised
blown out.
I still remember the dialogue that has taken place since 35 years ago.
We are still in engagement season. Praise was issued by the youngest
sister when she first time face to face with prospective sister-in-law. I
do not really care such expression. Because beauty is a subjective
matter. Everyone has a different perspective on beauty. That human
create by Allah the Almighty are perfect in everything. Human was
created with different races and colors, everything was perfect and
beautiful.
As a token of my gratitude to God. Beginning on the date of our
wedding, I put intention to close the door approached by other women
out there. The principle of my life to get real happiness, we must be
honest and sincere dearest to his beloved wife. If I am able to emulate
and look up to as a disciplined and honest will undoubtedly earn the
trust and confidence by my wife and family.
"Is it true you love me darling?” asked my wife.
"Of course my sweet heart" I replied.
"Hubby ni ... .. "spoiled wife appealed.
The word "Love" I always express to my wife, could be said almost
every time when I and her stay alone. This practice makes the love and
affection we constantly evolve and enthusiastic. I feel very comfortable
with this habit, wife so she only uses the word, "Hubby” when she
called me and still stay up to date. Thus make our relationship so close
and our happy loving evergreen till 35 years of our anniversary.
My association outside the home every day I try my best to safeguarded
from any defamation, a practice that is done to prevent myself from
57. 57
becoming a victim of slander, I was always careful and cautious in
dealings with other women. Avoiding is better than cure. This principles
is on till now days and it seem a good tools to close our relationship as
husband and wife. This is the principle been lay down by our grand-
grand pa and ma for hundred years before.
"For female staff, I apologize all off you, if your see me driving lonely
in a car and you're waiting for the bus at the side of the road, I will not
stop to fetch you"
My note to staff during a management meeting in the office once time.
" Why I am doing this ?, My principle is to avoid persecution."
“ Because slanders is more harm to the marriage couples. Miss
understanding will cause a huge damages to family relationship and not
so essay to put back in the wright position’ I try to elaborate more to
convince my principle.
"If I have to bring our staff for office business outside there "" we will
go by office car drive by the driver. "
This principle has become known to all my staff. They will not be
discourage if we met by the roadside. That is their boss principles. The
all well know.
Alhmadulilah my practice has caused my wife confident about my
loyalty. Since our wedding till now nearly 35 years, never once
expressed his jealous wife or "big war" took place between us as a
result of jealousy problem.
Another practice to convince my wife that I was the one who loved and
to live happily ever after, has been proved by ensure we are often
together at all times. At one time (in 1983 - that is after 3 years we were
married) I was directed by the Department to attend a three months
course at Malaysian Institute of Civil Servant the North Region. After
attending a course for one month. I feel lonely after been separated with
my wife.
"Asalamualaikum".
"Waalaikumusalam"
"Hai Hubby, You coming back so early" my wife asked.
“ Your told me after 2 week your will be coming back again”.
58. 58
" I just change my mind, on this Saturday we will going to Sungai
Petani, the house was rent already” I try to convinced my wife. "It’s
true" wife was shocked, saw the joy on his face.
"Indeed, you and our kids will be there till the end of my course".
" I m going, how happy I am" wife responded with joy.
Thus are the first time I am experienced apart with my wife and kids for
more than a month, It is quite sad, when we were separated with a 100
miles distance, I fee so lonely, very hard to go for sleep at night, That a
lesson to me, how worried and sorrow when we were far away for some
time. My be this is the sign of our closely relationship, the true love is
proving.
My pro-active attitude to keep the harmony of our marriage was able to
convince the wife that her husband was a trustworthy, reliable, have a
love that is not unequivocal. When this aura is embedded in the minds
of my wife, it will be a spiritual and nutritional supplements to be able
to further strengthen our love and my love will further strengthen
domestic institutions. When the wife was compatible with one mind and
have the same aura with her husband, with his instinct would make the
husband and wife are compatible. Where this situation can be created in
the family, will be born one atmosphere rapport and happiness are very
high.
One day when I come home from the office, I noticed halfway, the fruit
seller, then I stop the car.
"How much per bunch "
"20 ringgit, very cheap, sir"
"any discount ?"
"No, but we can give more fruit, if desired." I chose a bunch and give
money ..
"Sell"
"Buy".
I continued drive to my home.
Arriving home, my wife was in the living room.
"Assalamualaikum"
"Waalaikumussalam" replied my wife as she opened the door.
I gave to her a wrap of durian fruits.
