Parenting in Islam

1. Moshood Bello
Towards a Healthy Parent-
Child Relationship

2. Preamble
ِ‫يم‬ ِ‫ح‬‫ه‬‫الر‬ ِ‫ن‬ َٰ‫م‬ْ‫ح‬‫ه‬‫الر‬ ِ ‫ه‬
‫َّللا‬ ِ‫ْم‬‫س‬ِ‫ب‬
• INTRODUCTION
• ِ‫ت‬‫ا‬‫ئ‬ِ‫ي‬‫س‬ ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬‫و‬ ‫ا‬‫ن‬ِ‫س‬ُ‫ف‬ْ‫ن‬‫أ‬ ِ
‫ور‬ُ‫ر‬ُ‫ش‬ ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ ِ ‫ه‬
‫اّلِل‬ِ‫ب‬ ُ‫ذ‬‫و‬ُ‫ع‬‫ن‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬ُ‫ر‬ِ‫ف‬ْ‫غ‬‫ْت‬‫س‬‫ن‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬ُ‫ن‬‫ي‬ِ‫ع‬‫ْت‬‫س‬‫ن‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬ُ‫د‬‫م‬ْ‫ح‬‫ن‬ ِ ‫ه‬ ِ
‫ّلِل‬ ُ‫د‬ْ‫م‬‫ح‬ْ‫ال‬
ْ‫ع‬‫أ‬
‫م‬
ِ‫إ‬ ‫َل‬ ْ‫ن‬‫أ‬ ُ‫د‬‫ه‬ْ‫ش‬‫أ‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬‫ل‬ ‫ِي‬‫د‬‫ا‬‫ه‬ ‫َل‬‫ف‬ ْ‫ل‬ِ‫ل‬ْ‫ض‬ُ‫ي‬ ْ‫ن‬‫م‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬‫ل‬ ‫ه‬‫ل‬ ِ
‫ض‬ُ‫م‬ ‫َل‬‫ف‬ ُ ‫ه‬
‫َّللا‬ ِ‫ه‬ِ‫د‬ْ‫ه‬‫ي‬ ْ‫ن‬‫م‬ ‫ا‬‫ن‬ِ‫ل‬‫ا‬
ُ ‫ه‬
‫َّللا‬ ‫ه‬
‫َل‬ِ‫إ‬ ‫ه‬‫ل‬
‫َل‬ ُ‫ه‬‫د‬ْ‫ح‬‫و‬
ُ‫ه‬ُ‫ل‬‫و‬ُ‫س‬‫ر‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬ُ‫د‬ْ‫ب‬‫ع‬ ‫م‬‫ه‬‫ل‬‫س‬‫و‬ ِ‫ه‬ْ‫ي‬‫ل‬‫ع‬ ُ ‫ه‬
‫َّللا‬ ‫ى‬‫ه‬‫ل‬‫ص‬ ‫ًا‬‫د‬‫ه‬‫م‬‫ح‬ُ‫م‬ ‫ه‬‫ن‬‫أ‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬‫ل‬ ‫يك‬ ِ
‫ر‬‫ش‬
• The relationship is cyclical and dynamic
• Last time we focused on the right of the child
• IMPORTANCE OF TODAY’S TOPIC
1. Beautiful ayah in suratul An’am. On this verse, Ibn Mas`ud said, "Whoever wishes to read the will and testament of the Messenger of Allah on which he placed his seal, let him read this
Ayat,
• ًًۭٔ‫ن‬َٰ‫ـ‬‫س‬ْ‫ح‬ِ‫إ‬ ِ‫ْن‬‫ي‬‫د‬ِ‫ل‬ َٰ
‫و‬ْ‫ٱل‬ِ‫ب‬‫و‬ ۖ ‫ا‬ًۭٔ‫ْـ‬‫ي‬‫ش‬ ‫ۦ‬ِ‫ه‬ِ‫ب‬ ۟‫وا‬ُ‫ك‬ ِ
‫ر‬ْ‫ش‬ُ‫ت‬ ‫ه‬
‫َل‬‫أ‬ ۖ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ْ‫ي‬‫ل‬‫ع‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ُّ‫ب‬‫ر‬ ‫م‬‫ه‬‫ر‬‫ح‬ ‫ا‬‫م‬ ُ‫ل‬ْ‫ت‬‫أ‬ ۟‫ا‬ ْ‫و‬‫ال‬‫ع‬‫ت‬ ْ‫ل‬ُ‫ق‬
ۖ ‫ا‬
‫ت‬ ‫َل‬‫و‬
ْ‫ٱل‬ ۟‫ُوا‬‫ب‬‫ر‬ْ‫ق‬‫ت‬ ‫َل‬‫و‬ ۖ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ه‬‫ها‬‫ي‬ِ‫إ‬‫و‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ُ‫ق‬ُ‫ز‬ ْ‫ر‬‫ن‬ ُ‫ن‬ْ‫ح‬‫ه‬‫ن‬ ۖ ٍۢ
‫ق‬َٰ‫ـ‬‫ل‬ْ‫م‬ِ‫إ‬ ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬‫د‬َٰ‫ـ‬‫ل‬ ْ‫و‬‫أ‬ ۟‫ا‬ ٓ‫و‬ُ‫ل‬ُ‫ت‬ْ‫ق‬
‫ظ‬ ‫ا‬‫م‬ ‫ش‬ ِ‫ح‬ َٰ
‫و‬‫ف‬
‫َل‬‫و‬ ۖ ‫ن‬‫ط‬‫ب‬ ‫ا‬‫م‬‫و‬ ‫ا‬‫ه‬ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ ‫ر‬‫ه‬
‫ون‬ُ‫ل‬ِ‫ق‬ْ‫ع‬‫ت‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬‫ه‬‫ل‬‫ع‬‫ل‬ ‫ۦ‬ِ‫ه‬ِ‫ب‬ ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬َٰ‫ى‬‫ه‬‫ص‬‫و‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ِ‫ل‬َٰ‫ذ‬ ۚ ِ‫ق‬‫ح‬ْ‫ٱل‬ِ‫ب‬ ‫ه‬
‫َل‬ِ‫إ‬ ُ ‫ه‬
‫ٱّلِل‬ ‫م‬‫ه‬‫ر‬‫ح‬ ‫ى‬ِ‫ت‬‫ه‬‫ٱل‬ ‫س‬ْ‫ف‬‫ه‬‫ن‬‫ٱل‬ ۟‫وا‬ُ‫ل‬ُ‫ت‬ْ‫ق‬‫ت‬
• Say, “Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited to you. [He commands] that you not associate anything with Him, and to parents, good treatment, and do not kill
your children out of poverty; We will provide for you and them. And do not approach immoralities – what is apparent of them and what is concealed. And do not kill the
soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed] except by [legal] right. This has He instructed you that you may use reason.” Q6 vs 151
• Anything short of the best to your parents, you better don’t do. This is the only eebadah that Allaah requires the best: speech, thought, body language, gift, time, care,
• ‫َل‬‫ف‬
‫ل‬ُ‫ق‬‫ت‬
ٓ‫ا‬‫م‬ُ‫ه‬‫ه‬‫ل‬
ٍۢ
‫ف‬ُ‫أ‬
2. Allah often mentions obeying Him and being dutiful to parents together. Allah said,
• ً‫ا‬‫ـن‬‫س‬ْ‫ح‬ِ‫إ‬ ِ‫ْن‬‫ي‬‫د‬ِ‫ل‬‫و‬ْ‫ال‬ِ‫ب‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬‫هـ‬‫ي‬ِ‫إ‬ ‫ه‬‫َل‬ِ‫إ‬ ْ‫ا‬‫ُو‬‫د‬ُ‫ب‬ْ‫ع‬‫ت‬ ‫ه‬‫َل‬‫أ‬ ‫ُّك‬‫ب‬‫ر‬ ‫ى‬‫ض‬‫ق‬‫و‬
• And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents.)17:23
• ‫ا‬ً‫ن‬‫ا‬‫س‬ْ‫ح‬ِ‫إ‬ ِ‫ْن‬‫ي‬‫د‬ِ‫ل‬‫و‬ْ‫ال‬ِ‫ب‬‫و‬ ‫ه‬
‫َّللا‬ ‫ه‬‫َل‬ِ‫إ‬ ‫ُون‬‫د‬ُ‫ب‬ْ‫ع‬‫ت‬ ‫َل‬ ‫يل‬ِ‫ْرء‬‫س‬ِ‫إ‬ ‫ى‬ِ‫ن‬‫ب‬ ‫ـق‬‫يث‬ِ‫م‬ ‫ا‬‫ن‬ْ‫ذ‬‫خ‬‫أ‬ ْ‫ذ‬ِ‫إ‬‫و‬
• And (remember) when We took a covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying): Worship none but Allah and be dutiful and kind to parents.)﴿2:83

3. Hadith
• It is recorded in the Two Sahihs that Ibn Mas`ud said, "I asked Allah's Messenger about which deed is the best. He said,
• ‫ا‬‫ه‬ِ‫ت‬ْ‫ق‬‫و‬ ‫ى‬‫ل‬‫ع‬ ُ‫ة‬‫َل‬‫ه‬‫ص‬‫ال‬ The prayer, when it is performed on time.) I said, `Then' He said,
• ‫ْن‬‫ي‬‫د‬ِ‫ل‬‫ا‬‫و‬ْ‫ال‬ ُّ‫ر‬ِ‫ب‬ Being dutiful to parents.) I asked, `Then' He said,
• ‫هللا‬ ِ‫ل‬‫ي‬ِ‫ب‬‫س‬ ‫ي‬ِ‫ف‬ ُ‫د‬‫ا‬‫ه‬ ِ‫ج‬ْ‫ال‬

4. What is ‫ن‬ْ‫ي‬َ‫د‬ِ‫ل‬‫ا‬َ‫و‬ْ‫ل‬‫ا‬ ُّ‫ر‬ِ‫ب‬
• َٰ
‫ى‬‫ض‬‫ق‬‫و‬
‫ُّك‬‫ب‬‫ر‬
‫ه‬
‫َل‬‫أ‬
۟‫ا‬ ٓ‫ُو‬‫د‬ُ‫ب‬ْ‫ع‬‫ت‬
ٓ ‫ه‬
‫َل‬ِ‫إ‬
ُ‫ه‬‫ها‬‫ي‬ِ‫إ‬
ِ‫ْن‬‫ي‬‫د‬ِ‫ل‬ َٰ
‫و‬ْ‫ٱل‬ِ‫ب‬‫و‬
ۚ ‫ا‬ً‫ن‬َٰ‫ـ‬‫س‬ْ‫ح‬ِ‫إ‬
‫ا‬‫ه‬‫م‬ِ‫إ‬
‫ه‬‫ن‬‫غ‬ُ‫ل‬ْ‫ب‬‫ي‬
‫ك‬‫ند‬ِ‫ع‬
‫ر‬‫ب‬ِ‫ك‬ْ‫ٱل‬
ٓ‫ا‬‫م‬ُ‫ه‬ُ‫د‬‫ح‬‫أ‬
ْ‫و‬‫أ‬
‫ا‬‫م‬ُ‫ه‬‫َل‬ِ‫ك‬
‫َل‬‫ف‬
‫ل‬ُ‫ق‬‫ت‬
ٓ‫ا‬‫م‬ُ‫ه‬‫ه‬‫ل‬
ٍۢ
‫ف‬ُ‫أ‬
‫َل‬‫و‬
‫ا‬‫م‬ُ‫ه‬ ْ‫ر‬‫ه‬ْ‫ن‬‫ت‬
‫و‬
‫ل‬ُ‫ق‬
‫ا‬‫م‬ُ‫ه‬‫ه‬‫ل‬
ًًۭٔ
‫َل‬ ْ‫و‬‫ق‬
‫ا‬ ًًۭٔ‫م‬‫ي‬ ِ
‫ر‬‫ك‬
•
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with
you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.
• ْ
‫ض‬ِ‫ف‬ْ‫ٱخ‬‫و‬
‫ا‬‫م‬ُ‫ه‬‫ل‬
‫اح‬‫ن‬‫ج‬
ِ‫ل‬ُّ‫ذ‬‫ٱل‬
‫ن‬ِ‫م‬
ِ‫ة‬‫م‬ْ‫ح‬‫ه‬‫ٱلر‬
‫ل‬ُ‫ق‬‫و‬
ِ‫ب‬‫ه‬‫ر‬
‫ا‬‫م‬ُ‫ه‬ْ‫م‬‫ح‬ ْ‫ٱر‬
‫ا‬‫م‬‫ك‬
‫ى‬ِ‫ن‬‫ا‬‫هي‬‫ب‬‫ر‬
‫ا‬ ًًۭٔ‫ير‬ِ‫غ‬‫ص‬
• And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.”
•

5. INTRODUCTORY LINE

(
َ‫أ‬ ٍ‫ان‬َ‫م‬‫ي‬ِ‫إ‬ِ‫ب‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ه‬ُ‫ت‬َّ‫ي‬ ِ
‫ر‬ُ‫ذ‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ه‬ْ‫ت‬َ‫ع‬َ‫ب‬َّ‫ت‬‫ا‬ َ‫و‬ ‫وا‬ُ‫ن‬َ‫م‬‫آ‬ َ‫ِين‬‫ذ‬َّ‫ال‬ َ‫و‬
ُ‫ه‬‫َا‬‫ن‬ْ‫ت‬َ‫ل‬َ‫أ‬ ‫ا‬َ‫م‬ َ‫و‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ه‬َ‫ت‬َّ‫ي‬ ِ
‫ر‬ُ‫ذ‬ ْ‫م‬ِ‫ه‬ِ‫ب‬ ‫َا‬‫ن‬ْ‫ق‬َ‫ح‬ْ‫ل‬
ِ‫ل‬َ‫م‬َ‫ع‬ ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ ْ‫م‬
‫شيء‬ ‫من‬ ْ‫م‬ِ‫ه‬
)
Those who have believed and their offspring have followed them in
faith, We will unite them with their offspring (even though the faith of
the latter may not be of the same degree as that of the former), and
We will not decrease the reward of their deeds in anything (because of
their being united with their offspring). Every person will enjoy
according to what he has earned. Q 52 vs 21
“Children are not distraction from more important work. They are the
most important work” – C. S. Lewis

6. OUR CHILDREN AS A TRUST AND A GIFT
 Allah Almighty Says (what means): “O you who have
believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire
whose fuel is people and stones…" [Quran 66:6]
 “When a man dies, his action discontinues from him except
three things, namely, perpetual sadaqah (charity), or the
knowledge by which benefit is acquired, or a pious child who
prays for him.” [Sunan Abi Dawud]
 How do we ward off that fire from our families? We need to
show to them the right way and to teach them the difference
between right and wrong. An excellent example of this is
found in the words of Luqmaan to his son, related in the
Quran, where he admonishes him.

7. WHY CHILD UPBRINGING: GOLDEN
ANECDOTE
 Ibn Qayyim said: “Allah will ask the father
about the child on the day of judgement before
asking the child concerning the father”.
 A father accused his son of being disobedient
to him, and the son replied: ‘you did not honour
me while I was young and I disrespect you
while you are old. You wasted me while I was
a child and I am wasting you as an old man’

8. WHAT IS PARENTHOOD
 Parenthood is the art of nurturing and raising children toward a desired
goal. This goal is to make the child an Islamic personality as expressed
by the Qur’an and the prophet mentally, physically, ideologically and
spiritually.
 A Muslim child that is deprived of the right parenting is like an orphan.
Just like a poet said:
“An orphan is not one whose parent’s life came to an end
on the troubles of this world and left him weak
but an orphan is one who has with him
an unmindful mother and a busy father”

9. TRADITIONAL PARENTING
STYLES
 Authoritative parenting: Parents that are both supportive and demanding are
considered authoritative. They can be very gentle and are often loving parents,
but hold their kids to high standards
 Authoritarian parenting : Authoritarian parents set strict rules and expect them
to be obeyed. These parents aren’t very warm and fuzzy, but are very involved in
their kids’ lives and exert a lot of control over their children’s behavior.
 Permissive parenting: Indulgent parents don’t like to say “no” if they can help it.
They tend not to enforce rules consistently and avoid giving punishments.
Indulgent parents encourage open communication and self-expression.
 Uninvolved parenting: Neglectful parents favor a “hands-off” approach, neither
getting very involved with their kids nor expecting much from them. They may
believe that children learn best on their own. Neglectful doesn’t always mean
abusive, but overall this tends to be the least effective parenting type.

10. TRADITIONAL PARENTING
STYLES
 Traditional parenting is all about child, its child centric
only. It is all about controlling the child. As we all love our
children, its all about keeping an eye on child every time
and follow society norms and to follow pre-defined script
written by the society.
 If any of the parent does not follow this society script they
are not considered as good parent and if they child does
not follow their parents, child is considered as indiscipline.
 In a nutshell, child and parents considered odds in society if
they do not follow the society script.

11. CONSCIOUS PARENTING
 Conscious parenting is a parent-focused, connection-
based parenting approach where the parent uses self-awareness
to develop a strong, authentic connection to their child
 It takes you from looking at your child's behaviour as intentionally
'bad' to reflecting on how this behaviour manifested as a result of
your own behaviour. So it's really about being aware of your own
actions and how it affect your child.
 Put most simply, conscious parenting is about improving yourself
for the benefit of your children.

12. CONSCIOUS PARENTING
 Conscious parenting focuses on three things:
1. awareness,
2. connectedness,
3. and mindfulness.

13. Benefits of Conscious Parenting?
 Authenticity: One of the greatest benefits of conscious parenting,
for both parent and child, is how this method encourages
authenticity
– Parents aren't forced to play a role or read a script that isn't theirs,
Children get to be themselves.
 Connectivity: Nothing is better than truly feeling connected to
your child. Being present, after all, is a gift
 Improved Communication: Due to the calm and focused nature
of conscious parenting, this style lends itself to improved
communication—as it is a parenting approach which embodies
love and respect, not dominance, control, or fear

14. Benefits of Conscious Parenting?
 Reduced stress: when individuals parent consciously, they tend to have
lower levels of stress and anxiety and reduced blood pressure.
 Respect: When a parent is mindful of what they do and how they act, the
child tends to follow suit. After all, children learn by example, copying what
they see

15. Preamble
• ِ‫يم‬ ِ‫ح‬ ‫ه‬‫الر‬ ِ‫ن‬ َٰ‫م‬ْ‫ح‬ ‫ه‬‫الر‬ ِ ‫ه‬
‫َّللا‬ ِ‫ْم‬‫س‬ِ‫ب‬
• ِ‫ت‬‫ا‬‫ئ‬ِ‫ي‬‫س‬ ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬‫و‬ ‫ا‬‫ن‬ِ‫س‬ُ‫ف‬ْ‫ن‬‫أ‬ ِ‫ور‬ُ‫ر‬ُ‫ش‬ ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ ِ ‫ه‬
‫اّلِل‬ِ‫ب‬ ُ‫ذ‬‫و‬ُ‫ع‬‫ن‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬ُ‫ر‬ِ‫ف‬ْ‫غ‬‫ْت‬‫س‬‫ن‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬ُ‫ن‬‫ي‬ِ‫ع‬‫ْت‬‫س‬‫ن‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬ُ‫د‬‫م‬ْ‫ح‬‫ن‬ ِ ‫ه‬ ِ
‫ّلِل‬ ُ‫د‬ْ‫م‬‫ح‬ْ‫ال‬
ْ‫ع‬‫أ‬
ِ‫ه‬ِ‫د‬ْ‫ه‬‫ي‬ ْ‫ن‬‫م‬ ‫ا‬‫ن‬ِ‫ل‬‫ا‬‫م‬
ُ ‫ه‬
‫َّللا‬ ‫ه‬
‫َل‬ِ‫إ‬ ‫ه‬‫ل‬ِ‫إ‬ ‫َل‬ ْ‫ن‬‫أ‬ ُ‫د‬‫ه‬ْ‫ش‬‫أ‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬‫ل‬ ‫ِي‬‫د‬‫ا‬‫ه‬ ‫َل‬‫ف‬ ْ‫ل‬ِ‫ل‬ْ‫ض‬ُ‫ي‬ ْ‫ن‬‫م‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬‫ل‬ ‫ه‬‫ل‬ ِ
‫ض‬ُ‫م‬ ‫َل‬‫ف‬ ُ ‫ه‬
‫َّللا‬
‫ش‬ ‫َل‬ ُ‫ه‬‫د‬ْ‫ح‬‫و‬
‫ى‬‫ه‬‫ل‬‫ص‬ ‫ًا‬‫د‬‫ه‬‫م‬‫ح‬ُ‫م‬ ‫ه‬‫ن‬‫أ‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬‫ل‬ ‫يك‬ ِ‫ر‬
ُ‫ه‬ُ‫ل‬‫و‬ُ‫س‬‫ر‬‫و‬ ُ‫ه‬ُ‫د‬ْ‫ب‬‫ع‬ ‫م‬‫ه‬‫ل‬‫س‬‫و‬ ِ‫ه‬ْ‫ي‬‫ل‬‫ع‬ ُ ‫ه‬
‫َّللا‬
• Today’s topic is an important one and could be an emotional one for some people.
• Children are sources of joy and pride.
• ًًۭٔ‫ن‬َٰ‫ـ‬‫س‬ْ‫ح‬ِ‫إ‬ ِ‫ْن‬‫ي‬‫د‬ِ‫ل‬ َٰ
‫و‬ْ‫ٱل‬ِ‫ب‬‫و‬ ۖ ‫ا‬ًۭٔ‫ْـ‬‫ي‬‫ش‬ ‫ۦ‬ِ‫ه‬ِ‫ب‬ ۟‫وا‬ُ‫ك‬ ِ
‫ر‬ْ‫ش‬ُ‫ت‬ ‫ه‬
‫َل‬‫أ‬ ۖ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ْ‫ي‬‫ل‬‫ع‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ُّ‫ب‬‫ر‬ ‫م‬‫ه‬‫ر‬‫ح‬ ‫ا‬‫م‬ ُ‫ل‬ْ‫ت‬‫أ‬ ۟‫ا‬ ْ‫و‬‫ال‬‫ع‬‫ت‬ ْ‫ل‬ُ‫ق‬
ۖ ‫ا‬
‫ل‬ ْ‫و‬‫أ‬ ۟‫ا‬ ٓ‫و‬ُ‫ل‬ُ‫ت‬ْ‫ق‬‫ت‬ ‫َل‬‫و‬
‫ظ‬ ‫ا‬‫م‬ ‫ش‬ ِ‫ح‬ َٰ
‫و‬‫ف‬ْ‫ٱل‬ ۟‫ُوا‬‫ب‬‫ر‬ْ‫ق‬‫ت‬ ‫َل‬‫و‬ ۖ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ه‬‫ها‬‫ي‬ِ‫إ‬‫و‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ُ‫ق‬ُ‫ز‬ ْ‫ر‬‫ن‬ ُ‫ن‬ْ‫ح‬‫ه‬‫ن‬ ۖ ٍۢ
‫ق‬َٰ‫ـ‬‫ل‬ْ‫م‬ِ‫إ‬ ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬‫د‬َٰ‫ـ‬
‫م‬‫و‬ ‫ا‬‫ه‬ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ ‫ر‬‫ه‬
‫م‬‫ه‬‫ر‬‫ح‬ ‫ى‬ِ‫ت‬‫ه‬‫ٱل‬ ‫س‬ْ‫ف‬‫ه‬‫ن‬‫ٱل‬ ۟‫وا‬ُ‫ل‬ُ‫ت‬ْ‫ق‬‫ت‬ ‫َل‬‫و‬ ۖ ‫ن‬‫ط‬‫ب‬ ‫ا‬
‫ون‬ُ‫ل‬ِ‫ق‬ْ‫ع‬‫ت‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬‫ه‬‫ل‬‫ع‬‫ل‬ ‫ۦ‬ِ‫ه‬ِ‫ب‬ ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬َٰ‫ى‬‫ه‬‫ص‬‫و‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ِ‫ل‬َٰ‫ذ‬ ۚ ِ‫ق‬‫ح‬ْ‫ٱل‬ِ‫ب‬ ‫ه‬
‫َل‬ِ‫إ‬ ُ ‫ه‬
‫ٱّلِل‬
• Say, “Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited to you. [He commands] that you not associate anything with Him, and to parents, good
treatment, and do not kill your children out of poverty; We will provide for you and them. And do not approach immoralities – what is apparent of
them and what is concealed. And do not kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed] except by [legal] right. This has He instructed you that
you may use reason.”
• ‫م‬ِ‫إ‬ ‫ين‬ِ‫ق‬‫ه‬‫ت‬ُ‫م‬ْ‫ل‬ِ‫ل‬ ‫ا‬‫ن‬ْ‫ل‬‫ع‬ْ‫اج‬‫و‬ ‫ُن‬‫ي‬ْ‫ع‬‫أ‬‫ة‬‫ه‬‫ر‬ُ‫ق‬ ‫ا‬‫ن‬ِ‫ت‬‫ها‬‫ي‬ ِ
‫ر‬ُ‫ذ‬‫و‬ ‫ا‬‫ن‬ ِ‫اج‬‫و‬ ْ‫ز‬‫أ‬ ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ ‫ا‬‫ن‬‫ْل‬‫ب‬‫ه‬ ‫ا‬‫هن‬‫ب‬‫ر‬ ‫ون‬ُ‫ل‬‫و‬ُ‫ق‬‫ي‬ ‫ِين‬‫ذ‬‫ه‬‫ال‬‫و‬
ً‫م‬‫ا‬
• And who say, “Our Lord, Bestow upon Us from our spouses and offspring comfort of the eyes, and make us an îmam (Leader) of the pious.” [Furqan 25:74]
• Ibn Abbas said: This means who will strive to obey Allah and bring them joy in this world and the Hereafter”
• In this world: we play with them when they are babies and toddlers, watching them growing also make us happy, then their achievements
• They could also be seeds of arrogance, the cause of distress and allurement
• ‫ا‬‫ه‬‫م‬‫أ‬‫و‬
ُ‫م‬َٰ‫ـ‬‫ل‬ُ‫غ‬ْ‫ٱل‬
‫ان‬‫ك‬‫ف‬
ُ‫ه‬‫ا‬‫و‬‫ب‬‫أ‬
ِ‫ْن‬‫ي‬‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ْ‫ؤ‬ُ‫م‬
ٓ‫ا‬‫ين‬ِ‫ش‬‫خ‬‫ف‬
‫ن‬‫أ‬
‫ا‬‫م‬ُ‫ه‬‫ق‬ِ‫ه‬ ْ‫ُر‬‫ي‬
‫ا‬ًًۭٔ‫ن‬َٰ‫ـ‬‫ي‬ْ‫غ‬ُ‫ط‬
ًًۭٔ‫ر‬ْ‫ف‬ُ‫ك‬‫و‬
‫ا‬
• And as for the boy, his parents were believers, and we feared that he would overburden them by transgression and disbelief.
• If anyone is experiencing challenging behaviour from their children, don’t be too hard on yourselves:
• Prophet Nuh and his son
• Prophet Yaaqub and his children
• Ya Faatimot, itakiLLah, Fa ini la amuliku laki minnaLLahi she an. Fear Allah, I don’t have authority to intercede for you before Allah

16. Opening
• It always baffles me when I remember people actually love their parents and have good relationships with them. Never knew what
that’s like (1,600 likes!)
• When I was really young I was playing and I was too loud so my father asked me if he was speaking chinese but I had no idea they were other countries and languages so I said yes because he
was angry and he spanked me for that and I did not understand at all. buT THAT'S PART OF EDUCATION I GUESS
• Me and my mom’s relationship is super healthy. Even if we both have bad days we talk to each other about it. And even though I’m 16 and my mom is 53 we still make time for snuggles if we both
are upset or just need someone. We talk all the time and it’s awesome. I’m so close to my mom than my other sisters. It’s even better cause for me I’ve never wanted or seen the need to be
popular or feel peer pressure. I wear a lot of vintage clothing and unique clothing like my mom. We are honestly the same person if you think about it. Expect I’m pansexual but mostly gay. She
loves me for who I am. I’m so lucky to have her.
• My parents' insults and saying everything bad about me is what I tend to remember all the time from them. So when they suddenly hug me and compliment me.. It feels awkward and my mind was
like... "Huh, I am beautiful..? You just told me that I was ugly!“
• I wish I was a failure from my parents because I get insulted for a low self esteem because I got the high grade they would say “so your not stupid after all” and I get a low test grade they treat me
like I am stupid the whole day.Also they get mad at me when I tell them that they don’t know what I am going through depression.With my depression they say “oh your having a bad day everybody
does” and it makes me feel worse knowing no one has my back except for me and I am alone on this world.
• Suicide is the second leading cause of death for children, adolescents, and young adults aged 15-to-24-year-olds.
• Among younger children: feelings of sadness, confusion, anger, or problems with attention
• Among teenagers: feelings of stress, self-doubt, pressure to succeed, financial uncertainty, disappointment, and loss. (AACAP, 2021)

17. Preamble
• Children are also a trust given to parents and will be held accountable/responsible
• ،‫اع‬‫ر‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ُّ‫ل‬
ُ‫ه‬‫و‬ ِ‫ه‬ِ‫ل‬ْ‫ه‬‫أ‬ ‫ى‬‫ل‬‫ع‬ ‫اع‬‫ر‬ ُ‫ل‬ُ‫ج‬‫ه‬‫الر‬‫و‬ ،ٌ‫ل‬‫ُو‬‫ؤ‬ْ‫س‬‫م‬ ‫و‬ُ‫ه‬‫و‬ ‫اع‬‫ر‬ ُ‫ير‬ِ‫م‬‫األ‬‫ف‬ ،ِ‫ه‬ِ‫ت‬‫ه‬‫ي‬ِ‫ع‬‫ر‬ ْ‫ن‬‫ع‬ ٌ‫ل‬‫ْؤو‬‫س‬‫م‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ُّ‫ل‬ُ‫ك‬‫و‬
‫م‬ ‫و‬
ُّ‫ل‬ُ‫ك‬‫و‬ ‫َل‬‫أ‬ ،ٌ‫ة‬‫ُول‬‫ؤ‬ْ‫س‬‫م‬ ‫ي‬ِ‫ه‬‫و‬ ‫ا‬‫ه‬ ِ‫ج‬ ْ‫و‬‫ز‬ ِ‫ت‬ْ‫ي‬‫ب‬ ‫ى‬‫ل‬‫ع‬ ٌ‫ة‬‫ي‬ِ‫ع‬‫ا‬‫ر‬ ُ‫ة‬‫أ‬ ْ‫ر‬‫م‬ْ‫ال‬‫و‬ ،ٌ‫ل‬‫ُو‬‫ؤ‬ْ‫س‬
ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬
ِ‫ه‬ِ‫ت‬‫ه‬‫ي‬ِ‫ع‬‫ر‬ ْ‫ن‬‫ع‬ ٌ‫ل‬‫ُو‬‫ؤ‬ْ‫س‬‫م‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬ُّ‫ل‬ُ‫ك‬‫و‬ ،‫اع‬‫ر‬
.
• Take care! Each of you is a shepherd and each of you shall be asked concerning his flock; a leader is a shepherd of his people, and he shall be
asked concerning his flock; and a man is a shepherd of the people of his house, and he shall be asked concerning his flock; and a woman is a
shepherd of the house of her husband and over their children, and she shall be asked concerning them
• ‫ا‬‫ُّه‬‫ي‬‫أ‬َٰٓ‫ـ‬‫ي‬
‫ِين‬‫ذ‬‫ه‬‫ٱل‬
۟‫وا‬ُ‫ن‬‫ام‬‫ء‬
۟‫ا‬ ٓ‫و‬ُ‫ق‬
ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬‫س‬ُ‫ف‬‫ن‬‫أ‬
ْ‫م‬ُ‫ك‬‫ي‬ِ‫ل‬ْ‫ه‬‫أ‬‫و‬
‫ا‬ ًًۭٔ‫ار‬‫ن‬
‫ا‬‫ُه‬‫د‬‫و‬ُ‫ق‬‫و‬
ُ‫اس‬‫ه‬‫ن‬‫ٱل‬
ُ‫ة‬‫ار‬‫ج‬ ِ‫ح‬ْ‫ٱل‬‫و‬
‫ا‬‫ْه‬‫ي‬‫ل‬‫ع‬
ٌ‫ة‬‫ك‬ِ‫ئ‬َٰٓ‫ـ‬‫ل‬‫م‬
ًۭٔ
ٌ‫ظ‬‫َل‬ِ‫غ‬
ًٌۭٔ‫د‬‫ا‬‫د‬ِ‫ش‬
‫ه‬
‫َل‬
‫ون‬ُ‫ص‬ْ‫ع‬‫ي‬
‫ه‬
‫ٱّلِل‬
ٓ‫ا‬‫م‬
ْ‫م‬ُ‫ه‬‫ر‬‫م‬‫أ‬
‫ون‬ُ‫ل‬‫ع‬ْ‫ف‬‫ي‬‫و‬
‫ا‬‫م‬
‫ون‬ُ‫ر‬‫م‬ْ‫ؤ‬ُ‫ي‬
• O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels,
harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.
• Concerning Hereafter, if you teach them well, Allah will reunite them with you
Parent’s Responsibilities
• Education: “The best of you is one who gives a good education (intellectual and moral) to his children.”
• The starting point for education is the example of parents. Small children take their parents as model
(
ُ‫ه‬‫َا‬‫ن‬ْ‫ت‬َ‫ل‬َ‫أ‬ ‫ا‬َ‫م‬ َ‫و‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ه‬َ‫ت‬َّ‫ي‬ ِ
‫ر‬ُ‫ذ‬ ْ‫م‬ِ‫ه‬ِ‫ب‬ ‫َا‬‫ن‬ْ‫ق‬َ‫ح‬ْ‫ل‬َ‫أ‬ ٍ‫ان‬َ‫م‬‫ي‬ِ‫إ‬ِ‫ب‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ه‬ُ‫ت‬َّ‫ي‬ ِ
‫ر‬ُ‫ذ‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ه‬ْ‫ت‬َ‫ع‬َ‫ب‬َّ‫ت‬‫ا‬ َ‫و‬ ‫وا‬ُ‫ن‬َ‫م‬‫آ‬ َ‫ِين‬‫ذ‬َّ‫ال‬ َ‫و‬
ِ‫ل‬َ‫م‬َ‫ع‬ ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬ ْ‫م‬
‫شيء‬ ‫من‬ ْ‫م‬ِ‫ه‬
)
Those who have believed, and their offspring have followed them in faith, We will unite them with their offspring
(even though the faith of the latter may not be of the same degree as that of the former), and We will not
decrease the reward of their deeds in anything (because of their being united with their offspring). Every person
will enjoy according to what he has earned .

18. • An excellent example of this is found in the words of Luqman to his
son, related in the Qur’an, where he admonishes him:
• 1. Not to ascribe divine powers to anything other than Allah.
• 2. To be good and kind to parents.
• 3. To obey parents unless they command what is wrong.
• 4. To understand that all our deeds, however minor, are recorded
and will be brought to light.
• 5. To be constant in prayer.
• 6. To enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong.
• 7. To bear what befalls him with patience.
• 8. To avoid pride, arrogance and boastfulness.
• 9. To be modest in manner and speech.

19. • Education has to be age appropriate
• “The child is the master for seven years; and a slave for seven years and a
vizier (high executive officer) for seven years; so if he grows into a good
character within 21 years, well and good; otherwise leave him alone because
you have discharged your responsibility before Allah.”

22. Comments from Teens on how we teach them
• If I question my parents about Islam they get shocked of me asking such questions and start telling me not to question about it .I
have a lot of questions going on in my head ............ but I'm scared to ask it.
• It always baffles me when I remember people actually love their parents and have good relationships with them. Never knew what
that’s like (1,600 likes!)
• When I was really young I was playing and I was too loud so my father asked me if he was speaking chinese but I had no idea they were other countries and languages so I said yes because he
was angry and he spanked me for that and I did not understand at all. buT THAT'S PART OF EDUCATION I GUESS
• Me and my mom’s relationship is super healthy. Even if we both have bad days we talk to each other about it. And even though I’m 16 and my mom is 53 we still make time for snuggles if we both
are upset or just need someone. We talk all the time and it’s awesome. I’m so close to my mom than my other sisters. It’s even better cause for me I’ve never wanted or seen the need to be
popular or feel peer pressure. I wear a lot of vintage clothing and unique clothing like my mom. We are honestly the same person if you think about it. Expect I’m pansexual but mostly gay. She
loves me for who I am. I’m so lucky to have her.
• My parents' insults and saying everything bad about me is what I tend to remember all the time from them. So when they suddenly hug me and compliment me.. It feels awkward and my mind was
like... "Huh, I am beautiful..? You just told me that I was ugly!“
• I wish I was a failure from my parents because I get insulted for a low self esteem because I got the high grade they would say “so your not stupid after all” and I get a low test grade they treat me
like I am stupid the whole day.Also they get mad at me when I tell them that they don’t know what I am going through depression.With my depression they say “oh your having a bad day everybody
does” and it makes me feel worse knowing no one has my back except for me and I am alone on this world.
• Suicide is the second leading cause of death for children, adolescents, and young adults aged 15-to-24-year-olds.
• Among younger children: feelings of sadness, confusion, anger, or problems with attention
• Among teenagers: feelings of stress, self-doubt, pressure to succeed, financial uncertainty, disappointment, and loss. (AACAP, 2021)

23. RELATING WITH THE TEENAGERS
• The way parents relate with them have great impact on their conduct
• Studies shows that the most important factor that impacts on teenagers is the quality of relationship they
had with their parents
• Another study shows that children that enjoys good relationship from the parents are less likely to fall into
grave problems
• Good relationship with the children is a shield that protects the child in addition to the protection of Allah,
from falling into risky and dangerous experiences
• It also protect the child from whisperings of evil companions

24. Fundamentals of teen relationship
• Establishing the relationship is difficult
• Because the teenager goes through contradictory feelings daily
• Create time for the relationship
• Good relationship comes from regular interactions
• When a child needs his parents and they are not their, they go to other people
• Mutual respect
• A person that deals with others with respect, would get respect in return
• Parent that respects his child:
• Inform your child at all time that you give him high regards
• Respect his feelings, opinion and desires
• Does not shout at him, though he could do that
• Concerned about what is child regards as important e.g. open day, graduation etc
• Avoid domination
• Some parents deal with a 17 year old like he would deal with a seven year old
• Avoid putting him under pressure
• E.g a father who wants to cut his son from his friend and continually criticize the friend and their family

25. 1. Good communication
• Good communication is key to any healthy relationship.
• It involves active listening, empathy and being non judgmental.
• With easy going communication and open mindedness you can spot mood swings, mental and physical health concerns, school &
work stress; and all other issues that may be bothering them.
• The earlier you note these issues and nab them, the better for you and your teen.
• What can help in communicating effectively with your child?
• Being genuinely interested and curious about what your child is telling you.
• Giving them your undivided attention.
• Show empathy – put yourself in your child’s shoes.
• Avoid just giving them instructions or unsolicited advice.
• Choose a quiet space without distractions for important conversations.
• Barriers to effective communication
• Interruptions and distractions, which can make it seem like you’re not interested in what your child is saying.
• Jumping in with advice, rather than listening to what your child has to say.
• Judging what your child has to say and not validating their point of view.
• Interrogating your child by firing questions at them.
• Your challenge: Ask your teen about his/ her day and listen with ‘open ears’ without interrupting.

26. 2. Spend quality time together
• Create opportunities for connecting and forming good rapport with your teen. It
could be through family time or one-on-one. Make sure its quality time with no
digital interruptions. If possible keep all gadgets away from your special times
together.
• You can:
• ~ Hold regular family circles to discuss current issues, hadiths, lessons from
the Quran, read and review books, profound incidences front the Seerah etc
~ Have family meetings so everyone can chip in and have their say.
~ Create fun, positive memories together.
~ Pray, play and learn together.
~ Attend prayers at the masjid.
~ Go for programs together.
• The ideas are endless.
• Your challenge: Have you seen your teen today? It’s time to touch base – just
chat or complete a chore together. Keep all gadgets away.

27. 3. Know their friends and families
• Teens need good friendships in their life. Because like it or not, they will likely prefer the
company of their friends and peers to that of parents/ siblings right now.
• Don’t try to keep them away from friends but discuss and encourage the value of good
company beyond this dunya. Do not watch them go the wrong way with their clique of friends.
• You have the duty to guide and direct them and watch out for unusual habits they may be
picking up from such friends. You should understand their friendships should not clash with
your relationship, rather it should complement it. As a parent you should know their friends and
those in their close circle of influence.
• Invite their friends over, chat with them, know their background and if possible interact with
their families as well. A genuine friendship with your teen’s friends and their families can grow
into important bonds that last a lifetime.
• Your challenge: List 2-3 of your teen’s close friends. Write as much as you can about them on
a page. How much do you know about them beyond their names and nicknames? Its time to
get talking to your teen.

28. 4. Show a genuine interest in their hobbies
• What does your teen like doing? Do you know what s/he is
great at and really proud of doing?
• Whether its sports, art or reading, find time to share in their
hobby.
• Watch them play a match or practice. Ask them to review a
book they just read or read along with them so you can discuss
it. Join them in creating an art masterpiece – you can learn
from them while they become your teacher.
• Your challenge: Arrange a date with your teen to do what they
love or watch them do it.

29. 5. Show mercy, good manners and morals
• The sunnah is filled with examples of kindness, good manners and morals with others. For example;
• Say salaam when entering your home.
• Apologize when you are in the wrong.
• Praise them when required and show respect when deserved.
• Say salaam and seek permission before entering your teen’s room.
• Show love and mercy with smiles, hugs, kisses and friendly disposition.
• Don’t lie, gossip or backbite others. Rather tell them about your own growing up years, experiences and
lessons in life.
• Overlook and let go of their little mistakes and errors. Don’t blame, condemn or compare them to others
– whether friends, siblings, neighbours or relatives.
• Exemplifying such mercy, kindness and good morals will help them build their self esteem, interpersonal
skills and confidence level.

30. 6. Be an exemplary model
• Practice what you preach. You are an ambassador and your young ones look up to you
even if you don’t realise it.
• So walk your talk.
• Its a tough call to expect your teens to be well behaved, responsible and balanced
individuals when you are an exact opposite. Do not say ‘do this’, while you are busy doing
something else. It will make things so confusing for them and lead to dissonance and
mistrust. I hear this many times from aggrieved youth.
• If anything, their mistrust will lead them to do the exact opposite of what you request. Plus
create a big barrier in your relationship.

31. PRAYERS: THE POWER
• Lets pray for our children always

32. NURTURE HIGHWAY EXAMPLE
• Situation: Aleem is begging for an expensive video game
• Abuse: Dad says: “Ask once more and you’ll get it, and I don’t mean the game!”
• Conditional care: Day says: “You’ll get the game if you stop bugging me”.
• Assertive care: Dad goes to the store with Aleem to play the game. If the game
support violence, Aleem does not get it. If the game is Ok, Dad consider how many
games Aleem already has and whether they can afford it.
• Supportive care: Day says: “we have this amount to spend on games this year. If you
get this one, you will not be able to get the tablet you requested for. Are you sure that
is what you want?”
• Overindulgence: Buys an even more expensive game that Dad wants
• Neglect: Dad get the game but is unaware that Aleem is spending six or more hours a
day playing video games or watching TV.

33. STRUCTURE HIGHWAY EXAMPLE
• Situation: Ibrahim comes home late from school
• Rigidity: Dad says: “If you ever stay late again, don’t bother coming home!”
• Criticism: Day says: “You are always doing something stupid. Now you come home late
again. You are just disobedient”.
• Nonnegotiable rules: We expect you to obey the rule of not coming home late. If you
do not honour this rule, there will be very tough consequences.
• Negotiable rules: Day says: “There are students who live school early to get home
early. How can you make friends and keep company of children like that so that you can
leave school same time?”
• Marshmallow: “If all students leave school late, I suppose you can do same too”
• Abandonment: Dad says: “I don’t want to bother or talk about it”. The dad is not
available, ignore or tease the child.

34. NURTURE/STRUCTURE HIGHWAY EXAMPLE
• NURTURE:
Situation: Your teen in secondary school wants to join a whatsapp group created by his
friends to interact and share educational materials
• Abuse: “I don’t trust your friends. You are looking for trouble and you will get one”
• Conditional care: “Sure, you can. I want you to be the best among them.
• Assertive care: Let me be part of the group first, so that I can decide if you can continue to
be there.
• Supportive care: If I decide that it is unsafe for you, would you like that you have your
friends come around here so that you can discuss in the house?
• Overindulgence: If you want to, well do it
• Neglect: Parent agree and does not consider safety issues

35. NURTURE/STRUCTURE HIGHWAY EXAMPLE
• STRUCTURE:
• Rigidity: “No kid of mine is going to go on whatsapp. Don’t even think of it!”
• Criticism: “All you do is want, want, want. What’s wrong with you?”.
• Nonnegotiable rules: If what you want to discuss is okay, you can join if you will
allow an adult to be part of you.
• Negotiable rules: Day says: “Would you like to ask your friends’ parents to call me,
or shall I call them?”. “Which adult would you wish to have with you?”
• Marshmallow (COWARD:a person who is not strong, brave, or confident
: “As long as your friends want to be part of it, you can join”
• Abandonment: “I don’t care as long as I won’t be the one buying the data for you”.

36. WHEN YOU
VEER OFF?
• It’s important to remember that all parents veer off
the road at times.
• You may be hungry, tired, stressed out, or dealing
with unexpected events.
• You may unconsciously be copying hurtful ways
your own parents used or forgetting your
commitment not to copy them.
• When that happens, don’t beat yourself up. Instead,
take a step back and a deep breath.
• Have you slipped onto the conditional or
overindulgent shoulders? Have you fallen in the
abuse or neglect ditches? Think about what you
need to get back on the paved highway.
• Can you get back on your own? Could you use
some help from a “tow truck” in the form of a
parent educator or counselor? Do you need
some new ideas about taking care of yourself
and preventing yourself from getting
overwhelmed?
•

37. Some Important Points about discipline
• 1. When disciplining a child, the parent should refrain from becoming a dictator. A rule is not to be followed because “I say so” but
because it is the right thing to do.
• 2. Be in control of yourself when disciplining. Sometimes parents go overboard in their attempts to discipline. The home becomes a
military camp with strict rules being enforced all the time.
• 3. When a mistake has been made, allow the child to make amends. Let him apologize and if necessary, carry out the designated
punishment. This could include the loss of a privilege, writing lines, time out, or some extra chores.
• 4. Teach the child internal control. Parental control is external. It is good and necessary. But better than that is internal control, when a
child learns to discipline himself. He should be able to stop himself from inappropriate actions even when the parents are not around. This is
only possible if:
• He has learnt the value and wisdom of the rule.
• The parent has not continuously nagged him about it.
• He has seen the respect given to those who behave in the right way.

38. Technology and teenagers
• How and why teenagers use technology
• connect with, comment on and discuss things with others, through social networking, emailing
and online messaging
• find, create or share interesting photos, videos and articles
• join or follow interest groups
• play online games
• learn more about topics that interest them
• as a study tool for school.
• Potential risks for teenagers
• Cyberbullying
• Trolling
• Sexting
• Isolation
• Inappropriate material
• Inappropriate relationships

39. How
to
keep
them
safe
online?
• 1. Talk about It
• 2. Set Up Ground Rules
• Don’t share personal information online, including your full name, address, phone
number, and Social Security number.
• Don’t use public Wi-Fi networks.
• Don’t let anyone else use your phone, laptop, or tablet.
• Don’t accept friend requests from strangers.
• Don’t open emails from unknown senders.
• Don’t click on links or download anything without first clearing it with an adult.
• Don’t share photos online or through texts or IMs.
• 3. Keep Things Out in the Open
• 4. Put Protections in Place
• Mobile Tracker Free
• Cell Tracker
• Google Family Link for parents
• ESET
• Kaspersky SafeKids
•

40. • 5. Connect Online: Make it a prerequisite that you
are the first friend your child adds if they want to
download a new social app or network.
• 6. Look for Signs of Trouble
• Secretive behavior like hiding screens when you
enter the room or trying to go online outside of
supervision
• Creating new email accounts, social network
profiles, etc.
• Self-harm
• Becoming sullen or withdrawn
• Losing interest in friends or activities
• Displaying strong emotional responses after going
online
• 7. Set and Make Screen Time a Privilege
• 8. Help your child find face-to-face activities that
suit their interests

41. The Father-Son Connection
• Boys need three things from their father:
1.His father's blessing (that is, answering the
question: am I good enough for my dad?)
2.His father's love
3.Need his father to teach him self control

42. tips on how to raise healthy and happy boys
1. Know how to encourage your son. One fault is babying and spoiling him. But another is being so harsh that you
lose communication with your son and destroy his self-worth.
2. Understand what your boys need. Guess what? It’s not another computer game; it’s you.
3. Recognize that boys were made for the outdoors. Boys love being outdoors. A healthy boy needs that sense of
adventure–and the reality check that the outdoors gives him.
4. Remember that boys need rules. If you don’t set the rules, however, they feel lost.
5. Acknowledge that virtue is not just for girls. A healthy boy strives after virtues like integrity and self-control. In
fact, it is virtues like these that make transition into manhood possible.
6. Learn how to teach your son about the big questions in life. Boys that don’t have a well grounded understanding
on these big questions are the most vulnerable to being led astray into self-destructive behaviors.
7. Remember, always, that the most important person in your son’s life is you.

43. The Secret to a Strong Father-Daughter
Connection
• Her father’s feelings about her are far more important than anyone else’s. Fathers have
the potential to have the greatest impact on their daughters’ lives.
• One character quality we talked about that is essential to parenting daughters is
compassion. Compassion allows a dad to connect with his daughter, no matter her age
or stage. But compassion must be practiced and cultivated if it’s going to be something
that strengthens your relationship with your daughter.
• So, what are some ways dads can cultivate compassion? :
1. Empathize. Think back over your own childhood and teenage years.
2. Examine. Examine the life of prophet (SAW) where you will find examples of
compassion
3. Engage. Dads, every day you have an opportunity to cultivate and demonstrate
compassion by engaging with your daughter, rather than brushing her off.

44. The Secret to a Strong Father-Daughter
Connection
1. Here are some specific situations in which you can practice this:
1. Be patient with her (not frustrated) when she is terrified.
2. Be sad with her when she is sad.
3. Get down on the ground with her when she has fallen and hurt herself.
4. Hold her when she says things like “I’m ugly,” “All my friends make fun of me.”
As a father, you are your daughter’s first and most important experience of male love,
compassion, and kindness. Whatever your early interactions with her, they will be
imprinted deeply on her brain and heart. If you think it’s too late to make a positive
impact on her, it’s not. There are many fathers who turn a girl’s life around with a
renewed commitment and demonstration of love.

45. • The parent’s right to respect from their children is dependent upon
the children’s right to loving care and guidance of their parents. It is
related that a man once came to Umar Ibn Al-Khattab, the second
Khalifah of Islam, may Allah be pleased with him, complaining of his
son’s disobedience to him. Umar summoned the boy and spoke of his
disobedience to his father and his neglect of his rights. The boy
replied:
• “O Amir al-Mu’minin (Prince of believers)! Hasn’t a child rights over
his father?” “Certainly”, replied Umar. “What are they, Amir al-
Mu’minin?” “That he should choose his mother, give him a good
name and teach him the Book (the Qur’an).” “O Amir al-Mu’minin!
My father did nothing of this. My mother was a Magian (fire
worshipper). He gave me the name of Julalan (meaning dung beetle
or scarab) and he did not teach me a single letter of the Qur’an.”
Turning to the father, Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said:
“You have come to me to complain about the disobedience of your
son. You have failed in your duty to him before he has failed in his
duty to you; you have done wrong to him before he has wronged you.”