1. He stopped right there. He felt like sharing the same useless thought again and again. The pen
stopped right there but not his thoughts. His thoughts went on and on. Like when he walks. He
had the habbit of talking to himself. I don’t know how to explain myself. I tried to talk a lot.
Whatever I do, it just doesn’t work. I am fed up. I’m full of not belonging to this. From the
beginning of the world, when the human being first came into his consciousness, women have
been told many lies. When someone came to them with the purest of heart, they thought
something must be wrong. He thought about writing the most tragic note; to go into public to talk
about the stupidity in humanity. What are the people livening for? Aren’t they supposed to just
enjoy? Why mustn’t they just have sex, smoke and sleep? Why mustn’t Satan watch them
dancing? He never liked to buy roses for her. Not him. She would just accept it. She wouldn’t
criticize it. Probably he could have bought her an expensive feminine watch so that he could
have an easy sex? Then what is prostitution? He hated her from deep in his heart; for so much
belonging to this place. He said but I don’t like to buy you roses or an expensive feminine watch.
Why would you care so much about time? Time! Time! Time! I like to read you a romantic
poem. The more he thought the more he was sure that he couldn’t live with the one who hates
kissing, the one who thinks in sex it is the men who enjoy. He wanted a reckless girl. A psycho
with sudden impulses; time to time jumping on him without a warning, demanding foreplay. He
thought he doesn’t like a dull girl. The one who is nothing but full of make-up. He opened his
eyes to see a girl with a backpack ready for a long journey. They were sweating; the girl dull and
he unsatisfied. But wasn’t it supposed to be filled with love. Then he was conscious again. He
hated it; to be so much conscious of this world. Who cared if some dumbs would smack the door
to shatter this illusion, to take them into dungeon, to announce to whomever they liked to, to read
them “I, as the deputy of God on earth while doing the Mohammed’s custom’ announce you two
wife and husband. The marriage gift from the husband would be his right hand. dadadada.” Now
“I agree”. “I agree”. He couldn’t free himself of this thought while he was rubbing her clitoris
with his right hand. Being dull was too worldly. He laid against the wall and lighted a cigarette.
She started to cry. Was she playing “oh I was virgin just a second ago kind of game” or she just
remembered being taken advantage of at the very young age? While he was filled with a kind of
pity and hatred, tried to hug her. She was dull, feeling detached shouting “get out. Just get out.”
What crime has he committed? Weren’t they supposed to escape and intermingle with each
other? He remembered the beginning of all these. With an enthusiasm he talked to her of this
guy. Oh there is this philosopher. He often rub his nose when he gives lecture. The it came this
face. He ponder on the question “is anyone going to see witness this?” A while ago he took a
paper to write his demands for the new future. “I believe in an angle. For many a time I have
been half in love with easeful Death, Call’d him soft names in many a mused rhyme.” He
thought he will just finish this task and then achieving that peace. Suddenly just from all the mud
and dirt came an angel. She Showed him the lights on the sky. Then a girl swimming in the lake
under those lights. He poured out himself:
I’d love to kiss you under those lights, at night.

2. Oh if you do, I will never let you go.
And she was right. Right in the depth of catastrophe for him, she came and sat there, saying
nothing. He thought she is not real. She will leave the scene in a while. It’s been months now and
she is still there, decided.