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Project Management Jokes - YES, they do exist!


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All work & no play makes me a dull babe. After a week of creating serious content - let's celebrate the weekend with a compilation of jokes. Apparently Project Managers are often the butt of jokes. Enjoy! :)

Project Management Jokes - YES, they do exist!

  1. 1. J O K E SImage courtesy of rakratchada torsap / PROJECT Managers SHOULD KNOW
  2. 2. A project manager, hardware engineer and software engineer were in a car heading down a hill when the brakes failed. The driver managed to get it stopped by using the gears and a convenient dirt track. All three jumped out and after peering under the car the hardware engineer said, "I see what the problem is and with this handy roll of duct tape I think I can fix it good enough to get us to the next town". The project manager quickly interrupted, "No, no, no. Before we do anything we need to decide on a vision for our future, figure out a plan and assign individual deliverables". At which point the software engineer said, "You know what, I think we should push the car back up to the top of the hill and see if it happens again". The MECHANIC
  3. 3. http://www.businessballs.comImage courtesy of Carlos Porto / The To the OPTIMIST, the glass is half full To the PESSIMIST, the glass is half empty To the PROJECT MANAGER, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be! Glass
  4. 4. Question: "What is the difference between a Project Manager and a used car salesman?" The answer: "The used car salesman always knows when he is lying." The SALESMAN
  5. 5. Question: When do we really know how long it will take to complete the project? Answer: After we are done! -- The PM’s KNOWLEDGE
  6. 6. A project manager, a software developer, and a hardware engineer came across a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says… "I will grant each of you one wish." The hardware engineer says, "I want to spend the rest of my life living in a huge mansion with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me.“ The genie grants his wish. The software developer says.. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a yacht cruising the Caribbean, no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie grants his wish. Then it is the project manager's says... "I want them both back after lunch" The GENIE
  7. 7. The HOT AIR BALLOON "Everything you have told me is true, but I do not know what to do with this information. You haven't been any help at all," she explained. "Ah, you are a Project Manager," noted the man. "Yes, I am a Project Manager. How did you know?" she asked. A woman was lost in a hot air balloon. She spotted someone. She shouted, "Hey, I don't know where I am. Can you help me?“ The man responded, "You're about twenty feet above the ground, three miles East of the Mississippi River.“ "You must be a Geologist," the woman replied. "Why yes!" said the man, "How did you know?". "You have no idea where you are or where you are going. You've gotten to where you are now due to a lot of hot air. And now you expect me to fix your situation. You are in the same situation now as you were before I came along, but somehow this is my fault!"
  8. 8. The body parts argue over who should be in charge. The brain says he should be in charge because he keeps everything running. The BODY PARTS The blood says he should be in charge because he delivers oxygen to everything else. The stomach says he should be in charge because he provides energy. Suddenly, the rectum speaks up and says he should be in charge because he is in charge of getting rid of waste. They all laugh at the rectum and call him names. Frustrated, the rectum shuts down and stops working. Soon the brain is hurting, the stomach is all bloated, and the blood is full of toxins. So, they give in and let the rectum be in charge. You do not always have to be smart to be in charge, just an a**hole.
  9. 9. The TALKING FROG A project manager was out walking in the countryside one day when he found a talking frog. The frog said, "Hey, if you kiss me I’ll turn into a beautiful princess, and I’ll stay with you for a week as your mistress.“ The project manager took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. The frog called out once more, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for as long as you wish and do absolutely anything that you want." Again, the project manager took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back. Finally, the frog demanded, "What’s the matter? You can turn me back into a beautiful princess, and I’ll stay with you forever and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?“ The project manager replied, "I’m a project manager. I simply don’t have time for a girlfriend. But a talking frog….that’s cool."
  10. 10. A pastor, a doctor and a project manager were playing and were waiting for a particularly slow group ahead. The project manager exclaimed, "What's with these people? We've been waiting over half and hour! It's a complete disgrace." They spotted a green keeper and asked him what was going on. The green keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The three golfers fell silent for a moment. The pastor said, "Oh dear, that's so sad. I shall say some special prayers for them tonight." The doctor added, rather meekly, "That's a good thought. I'll get in touch with an ophthalmic surgeon friend of mine to see if there's anything that can be done for them." After pondering the situation for a few seconds, the project manager turned to the green keeper and asked, "Why can't they play at night?" The GOLFER
  11. 11. What is the favorite line that the project manager likes to say to the sponsor? "You jump, I jump!“ The TITANIC . . . . .