2 page script with feedback

1. Script with Feedback
INT. FAMILY’S NEW HOUSE
The family of four pull up to the new house in a
car. The two children (girl and boy) excitedly
swing open the car doors and rush to the front
door of the house.
Kid 1 (Darren):
“Wooooahhhhh”
Kid 2(Leila):
“This is sooo much better than our old house”
The parents move around to the back of the car
to collect their bags. They then stand happily
next to each other watching the children.
Mother: (Quietly)
“I really hope this home is better”
Father:
“Me too hun (luv), me too”
The scene cuts to the parents walking into the
house and the children in the background rushing
around exploring the new house.
Mother:
“Kids, be careful!”
Children start playing play hide and seek

2. upstairs
Kid 1 (Darren):
“Ready or not here I come” (Soft, scary, echoed
voice)
Intense and scary background music starts to
build as Darren (Kid 1) 1 goes around the house
Kid 1 (Darren) notices movement underneath a
closed door which he thinks is his sister
Kid 1(Darren) *tip toes quietly closer and
closer towards the door
As he reaches for the door handle, his sister
(Kid 2 – Leila) jumps from behind him and scares
him
MUSIC STOPS
Kid 2 (Leila):
“BOOOOO!”
Kid 1 (Darren):
“Jesus, Leila!” (Shocked from jump scare)
Kid 2 (Leila):
“Dinner time now anyway!”
Leila runs down the stairs after scaring her
brother to go to dinner while Darren remains

3. confused why he saw movement in the room if his
sister wasn’t there.
Feedback
More description of setting needed, especially at the start
Would look more professionalif “Kid 1” and “Kid 2” had a
name
Could do with a more professionallook/layout DONE