This document discusses various struggles that people may face such as anxiety, depression, addiction, shame, self-doubt, and toxic relationships. It notes that coping mechanisms like self-medicating or staying in abusive situations are temporary fixes like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. The document advocates exploring core beliefs and feelings to determine if they are true. It suggests finding acceptance, confidence, and clarity in oneself so that others' behaviors do not control one's feelings and self-treatment. Reaching a compassionate understanding of oneself can provide security so that one is never alone.

2. All sorts of things might have brought you
here…
“My life sucks!! Why can’t I get what I want
and need?” It feels as though I’m constantly
grabbing defeat from the jaws of victory! I
plan it out in my head, and then the anxiety
takes over – I freeze up. Whether it’s asking
someone out, speaking up at work, or
asserting myself with someone who
disagrees with me… I freeze. I don’t know
why and it’s maddening!

3. It’s as if some inner police person looms like a
giant in my mind, shouting, “Stop! Who are
you to speak, act, feel, or respond in service
of yourself!”
I hate that voice in my head, and nothing I do
silences it! I’ve read self-help books. I’ve even
watched Oprah and read Psychology Today!
No matter how many times I tell myself I’m
going to “live my best life,” I keep living my
same old life with that “policeman” saying,
“See, I told you so!”

5. “Sometimes I can’t believe that I have hurt the ones I
love so badly. Can I possibly recover from this?”
SHAME. Horrible debilitating shame. It’s like a life sentence.
I know in my head that it isn’t true, but it feels as though I can never be
forgiven for the harms I’ve caused. I spend my life trying to make up for my
mistakes, but it never seems to be enough.
Can I learn to accept my mistakes and stop feeling as though they define
me?
Is there a way that I can make space for all that is good and right in me?
Why do my failures and imperfections feel like all that’s important in life?
“My addiction(s) keep winning and I keep losing. It scares me, but
sometimes I want to give up.”
Porn, sex, romance, booze, bagels, chocolate, meth… maybe you feel as
though everything BUT you is driving this clown car called life!

6. “Is it always going to be so bloody awful?”
This “no hope” feeling is like an anchor
pulling me into a vortex of self-doubt and
isolation!
How is it that I feel like the worst, most
unacceptable being on the planet?!
I constantly compare myself to others and
come up short – no, not just short,
WOEFULLY short! How can I stop this inner
critic from sabotaging pleasure, joy, and
possibility in my life?

7. The ways that you are
coping now… through
self-medicating; staying
in toxic or abusive
relationships; sabotaging
real possibilities because
you unconsciously
believe you are
unworthy; remaining
trapped in cycles of
anxiety, depression,
compulsions, and
addictions…

8. These are like the ‘deck chairs’ on the
Titanic… although, right now, they may
feel like the whole ship!
So, let’s go to that place where core
beliefs and the feelings that validate
them are stored… and let’s start being
curious about whether they are true or
not. Let’s make room for you to guide
the ship – not with control, but with
acceptance, confidence, self-assertion,
and clarity!

9. We are going to reclaim your
relationships…
Ok, send me the people in your
life who bother you, trigger you,
infuriate you, and compel you
the most. I’ll work with them, and
you’ll get better! Hmmm, well…
that just isn’t going to work. I
think we know that!

11. When you come to a deep,
compassionate, understanding, and clear
relationship with yourself, you really will
be secure. Others may leave you, judge
you, criticize you, reject you, manipulate
you, try to seduce you, and on and on…
But you will never be alone because the
behaviours of others will never hold
authority over how you feel and treat
yourself! Wow! That’s the sweet spot!

12. https://frankkewin.org/individual-
therapy/