1. 1
After
the
Eulogy
By
Jane
Mulcahy
Characters
May,
well-‐preserved
first
wife
of
the
deceased,
from
north
county
Dublin
late
40s/early
50s
Jessica,
glamorous
third
wife
of
the
deceased,
from
Dublin
4
(with
an
annoying,
nasal
Dart
accent)
early
30s
Jonah,
cocky
Jewish
actor
from
Brooklyn
30s
Inside
a
church
There
is
a
spotlight
on
Jonah
pontificating
from
the
pulpit.
He
is
dressed
in
a
smart
black
suit
and
bowtie.
His
accent
is
a
ridiculous
hodge-‐podge,
alternating
between
his
own
Brooklyn
vowel
sounds
and
a
tortured
stage
Irish
bróg.
Jonah
We
must
not
cry,
friends.
We
must
not
yowl
like
banshees
even
though
we
are
beyond
broken-‐hearted
at
our
loss.
No,
we
must
be
strong
as
only
homo
sapiens
can
be.
We
must
rejoice,
be
thankful
that
Gerald
touched
our
lives
at
all.
G
Fitz
G
was
no
mere
mortal.
Not
one
of
us
deserved
to
know
him.
Sadly,
the
Almighty,
in
his
infinite
wisdom,
(floundering
for
a
suitable
euphemism)
saw
fit
to
call
our
brother
home
long
before
it
was
right
and
proper,
or
fair
to
him,
or
us.
be
able
to
look
upon
his
heroic
a
fine
range
of
nostalgic
photos
and
paintings
of
Himself
on
display
at
the
hotel
later.
Begorrah,
a
cairde
(pronounced
corda),
time
has
gotten
away
from
me,
sadly
got
away
from
him.
Endangered
species,
melting
polar
ice-‐
stice
not
with
cheap
and
tawdry
words.
So,
I
will
conclude,
dearly
beloved,
with
this
hope,
this
little
prayer.
(with
his
palms
heavenwards,
like
a
priest)
May
the
Giant
rest
in
peace.
May
his
beautiful,
innocent
soul
go
to
a
better,
kinder
place
with
harp
music.
(making
a
flicking
hand
gesture
like
a
wannabe
gangster
rapper)
A
place
worthy
(Jonah
makes
the
Peace
sign,
bows
and
departs)
Simultaneously
May
and
Jessica
speak
at
opposite
sides
of
the
stage
May
What
Jessica
What
the
fuck?
(whipping
out
a
smartphone)
Time
for
a
selfie
with
the
gold-‐
encrusted
coffin,
methinks.
(smiling
widely
as
she
takes
a
picture
of
herself
@
the
weirdest
funeral
of
all
time.
RIP
shit-‐head
2. 2
The
function
room
of
a
swanky
hotel
A
high
table
and
long
low
table
are
covered
with
black
tablecloths.
There
are
canapés
on
the
high
table.
On
the
low
table
there
is
a
tasteful
flower
arrangement
and
an
urn,
covered
with
an
intricate
white
lace
cloth.
There
are
several
large
photographs
of
the
deceased,
a
dapper
man
in
his
50s,
on
the
walls
(e.g.
one
in
an
expensive
business
suit,
one
in
casual
attire
such
as
jeans
and
a
white
shirt
open
to
his
navel,
one
with
a
horse,
or
a
yacht).
May
stands
at
the
high
table
drinking
a
whisky
and
soda.
Very
self-‐conscious,
she
is
dressed
in
a
well-‐cut
black
dress
and
jacket.
Jessica
is
wearing
red
stilettos
and
a
tight
black
dress
with
plunging
neckline.
Jessica
Hi.
May
Hello.
Jessica
(batting
her
eyelashes
with
fake
emotion)
(pause
to
look
at
photos)
Such
an
unbelievable
tragedy.
(pointing
a
long
red
finger-‐nail
at
a
picture
of
Gerald)
He
did
have
a
roguish
smile.
(pause)
Interesting
eulogy
it?
What
did
you
make
of
it?
May
Y
Jessica
I
thought
it
was
some
kind
of
sick
joke.
May
Yeah,
pretty
p
Jessica
I
know,
right.
T -‐
like
(whispering)
murder
deserve
at
least
a
casual
mention?
May
(pause)
But
have
you
ever
heard
of
a
wife-‐beating,
alco-‐bum
get
a
hard
time
in
a
eulogy?
No
way,
not
in
Ireland.
There
might,
might
Paddy
but
the
fact
that
he
put
poor
Sadie
in
the
hospital
oh,
that
would
be
tastefully
omitted.
W Paddy
to
say
nothing
of
his
-‐
with
anything
as
obnoxious
as
the
truth.
3. 3
Jessica
I
know.
What
is
with
making
people
who
were
complete
dick-‐wads
in
life
sound
like
saints
in
death?
-‐worthy.
And
who
was
that
guy
anyway?
And
what
was
with
his
accent?
May
Jessica
But
he
sounded
sort
of
Irishy
too,
at
times,
he?
Lephrechaun-‐
like
in
some
bad,
embarrassing
movie.
Or
like
Michael
Flatley.
Still,
he
was
kind
of
cute
-‐
you?
That
was
one
thing
you
could
say
about
the
deceased.
Gerald
had
fabulous
posture.
He
was
always
nice
and
proud
and
erect.
May
What
are
you
drinking?
Is
that
whiskey
and
soda?
Jessica
May
Me
too.
Scotch
and
soda
-‐
an
insult
to
proper
whiskey
drinkers.
Well,
cheers.
Jessica
Cheers
sweetie.
Do
you
mind
if
I
join
you?
(pause)
May
All
on
my
lonesome.
Jessica
May
Are
you?
You
seem
pretty
capable
of
working
the
room
to
me.
Jessica
Yeah,
May
Usually.
Jessica
They
give
me
mild
panic
attacks.
(pause)
A
head
wreck,
right?
May
It
can
be.
4. 4
Jessica
I
never
know
what
to
say.
May
(quickly)
And
no
matter
what
you
do
say,
it
always
sounds
so
bloody
trite.
Jessica
Mourning
seems
to
come
natural
to
old
fogies
the
finishing
line
themselves
-‐
o
edgy
queuing
up
to
shake
the
clammy
h
condoling
with
an
old
school
chum
when
their
dad
pops
his
clogs
on
the
golf
ne
picking
up
germs
as
you
go.
I
-‐
,
blabbing
creepy
ambience.
May
-‐
cousins
from
the
country
-‐
never
met.
Jessica
Weirdos.
Male
or
female?
May
Oh,
all
women.
They
like
the
sense
of
occasion,
I
think.
And
the
nibbles.
They
always
seem
to
have
a
ball.
Jessica
balls
at
funerals.
s
totally
crass.
No
offence,
but
I
think
your
cousins
are
kind
of
disgusting.
get
it
anyway.
May
the
ballet
or
to
see
the
rugby
others
get
a
kick
out
of
scouring
the
death
notices
-‐knobbing
with
the
next-‐of-‐ Hail
and
egg
sandwiches.
Each
to
their
own.
Jessica
I
suppose.
(uncomfortable
pause)
So
were
you
close
to
the
deceased?
Were
you
a
colleague
of
his?
(grimacing
and
whispering
conspiratorially)
From
the
financial
services
sector?
May
Hardly.
5. 5
Jessica
I
like
your
out Were
you
his
neighbour?
May
(coldly,
to
put
Jessica
in
her
place)
No.
I
was
married
to
him.
Jessica
(unpleasantly
surprised)
Go
way.
You
were
married
Gerald?
May
Jessica
Me
too.
(waiting
for
Ma
May
(high-‐pitched
and
with
fake
exuberance)
Hilarious.
(taking
a
large
gulp
of
her
drink
as
her
eyes
dart
around
the
room)
How
many
wives
did
the
man
have
again?
There
was
no
mention
of
any
of
his
women
earlier.
Jessica
Or
the
fruit
of
his
loins.
Odd,
right?
He
had
four
wives.
I
are
you?
May
You
seem
to
like
guessing
games,
so
why
not
have
a
go.
Jessica
The
first?
Or,
maybe
the
second?
May
d
him
fresh
out
of
college
when
he
secretary.
(pointing
off
stage)
There
she
is.
Jackie
bitch
Prendergast
tore
our
family
apart.
But
at
least
he
left
her
after
2
years.
Childless.
And
with
a
botched
boob-‐job,
by
the
looks
of
it.
Jessica
He
left
her
for
me.
I
was
only
a
baby.
It
must
have
really
stung.
(affecting
regret)
Oh
dear,
I
feel
bad.
May
Jessica
(irked)
After
five
years.
I
lasted
longer
than
her
anyway.
6. 6
May
Any
kids?
Jessica
days
enjoying
my
own
company.
He
had
two
boys
with
his
fourth
wife,
Martha,
I
think.
As
well
as
the
ones
he
had
with
you.
Three,
was
it?
(pause)
By
the
way,
where
are
they?
May
My
sons?
Jessica
face
bidding
farewell
to
their
dear
ole
da?
(smirking
towards
the
photos
of
the
deceased)
Ah,
the
prodigal
popsicle.
May
force
them.
Sure,
they
barely
knew
him.
He
left
us
when
they
were
small.
Besides,
given
his
role
in
bankrupting
the
country,
they
had
an
excellent
new
reason
for
not
wa
Jessica
Right.
May
(quietly)
They
did
meet
Gerald
a
few
times
when
he
was
with
Jackie,
but
she
visits
came
to
a
halt.
Jessica
Aw,
too
bad.
The
poor
lambs.
(looking
off-‐stage)
That
Jackie
does
have
a
vicious
head
on
her,
all
right.
I
have
to
say
though
-‐
but
it
was
kind
of
handy
for
me
that
the
boys
were
fed
up
with
Gerald
by
the
time
I
came
along.
I
was
way
too
young
and
spoilt
to
be
any
kind
of
half-‐decent
step-‐
especially
if
it
belonged
to
another
woman.
bit
like
an
animal
in
the
wild,
I
suppose.
May
So
Martha
will
inherit?
Jessica
Probably.
You
know,
I
really
wish
he
got
shot
in
the
head
when
we
were
married.
Do
you
think
he
made
some
modest
provision
for
the
rest
of
us?
May
he
have
a
new
woman
on
the
go?
7. 7
Jessica
Korean.
From
that
part
of
the
Third
World,
anyway.
May
(looking
wistfully
at
the
pictures
of
her
former
husband)
So
his
tastes
changed
as
he
aged?
He
got
more
adventurous,
more
exotic?
Jessica
the
chicks
certainly
got
younger.
I
mean,
she
of
a
seven-‐year-‐old
boy.
(like
a
light-‐bulb
goes
off)
woman.
Lady-‐boys
are
uber-‐popular
where
she
comes
from,
you
know.
(sniggering)
Aw
man,
if
Gerald
was
banging
a
lady-‐boy
before
he
bit
the
dust,
now
that
would
be
properly
exotic.
(pause)
Can
I
call
you
May?
May
(smiling
coldly)
You
know
my
name?
Jessica
Of
course.
Gerald
told
me
all
about
you.
He
made
you
out
to
be
a
right
dragon,
but
you
seem
fairly
decent
to
me.
May
(in
a
deliberately
cutting
tone)
Jessica
Jessica.
Pleased
to
meet
you,
May.
May
Oh,
charmed,
as
they
say.
Jessica
May
Like
what?
Jessica
real
you.
May
8. 8
Jessica
Good,
bec
but
a
pile
of
ash.
No
threat
to
anyone
at
all.
(pause)
of
me,
May.
May
Jessica
give
me
evils ry
well-‐disposed
to
you,
May.
(toasting
one
of
the
photographs)
,
Gerald,
with
love
from
two
of
your
jilted
wives.
May
,
Gerald,
yo .
Jessica
May
(with
venom)
and
your
ilk.
Enter
Jonah
full
of
toothy
smiles,
trying
to
be
all
dashing,
debonair.
He
is
ready
to
network.
Jonah
Ladies,
great
after-‐party,
right?
You
might
recognize
me
from
the
church?
I
did
the
eulogy.
May
I
will
never
forget
it,
or
you.
Jonah
Jessica
It
left
me
stunned,
completely
lost
for
words.
Jonah
Thank
you.
Thank
you.
That
means
a
lot,
I
assure
you.
Let
me
introduce
myself.
My
name
is
Jonah
Sohn.
(flirting
with
Jessica)
And
who
are
you,
beautiful?
Jessica
(pleased
with
herself)
(dismissively
gesturing
to
May)
(batting
her
eyelashes
and
leaning
towards
Jonah)
Where
are
you
from?
9. 9
Jonah
Island
boy
in
the
movie
Manhattan.
My
pop
ran
a
dumb
bumper
car
concession
at
Luna
Park
and
had
no
time
for
needy
little
Jo-‐Jo.
To
this
day,
fairgrounds
fill
me
with
a
horrible
mix
of
anger
and
envy.
I
resent
fakakta
carnies
with
ever
fiber
of
my
being.
Jessica
We
guessed
you
might
be
American.
Jonah
I
was
kinda
trying
out
my
Irish
accent
earlier,
but
I
think
I
still
have
a
little
work
to
do.
(in
his
normal
accent)
tell
me.
It
would
break
my
heart.
I
watched
a
bunch
of
movies
beforehand
as
part
of
my
dialect
prep.
Jessica
Like
what?
Which
movies?
Jonah
Oh,
a
bunch.
Some
really
good
ones.
Jessica
Yeah,
but
like
what?
Far
and
Away?
Jonah
(nodding
and
looking
intensely
into
)
That
one,
Jessica.
And
PS
I
love
you.
That
was
really
helpful
too,
and
deep.
You
know
it?
Jessica
(throwing
her
head
back
and
laughing
a
ditsy
laugh)
OMG.
May
Enough
said.
Jonah
Touching
rom-‐com,
right?
And
some
amazing
actors
in
there
too
-‐
Oscar
winners
-‐
too
-‐
Hilary
Swank,
Kathy
Bacon.
And
Phoebe
from
friends.
Not
to
mention
Jessica
Yeah,
someone
should
nuke
him.
Right,
May?
Jonah
Anyway
ladie
my
first
time
in
eulogies
in
the
Emerald
Isle.
I
mean,
the
way
you
guys
do
death,
I
think
my
kind
of
specialist
service
could
be
super
lucrative.
(fishing
some
cards
out
of
his
breast
10. 10
pocket)
headshot,
right?
May
Tis
very
presentable.
Jonah
(annoyed)
Presentable?
He
can
make
almost
anyone
look
like
the
young
Paul
Newman.
(forcing
himself
to
smile)
ebook
and
twitter
and
naturally
-‐reel,
and
a
heap
of
pics
and
any
time
you
like.
May
An
actor,
are
you?
Jonah
really
into
the
whole
method
thing.
In
fact,
as
part
of
my
research
for
this
role,
I
hung
out
in
midtown
Irish
bars
studying
the
physicality
and
colloquialisms
of
barmen
from
the
old
country.
And
I
even
spent
some
time
with
the
bankers
on
Wall
Street.
I
work
really
hard
to
ensure
that
my
performances
are
truthful.
Jessica
Right.
Of
course
you
do.
Jonah
Not
to
be
pushy,
but
did
you
really
feel
me?
I
felt
that
people
felt
me,
especially,
when
I
got
all
teary-‐
to
save
the
Pandas.
You
ladies
find
that
moving?
May
No
Jonah.
Sorry,
but
none
of
it
sounded
like
the
Gerald
I
knew
at
all.
Jonah
(wounded
and
defensive)
May
I
was
his
wife.
Jessica
We
were
both
his
wives.
May
(giving
Jessica
a
dig
since
remarried.
But
yes,
I
knew
him
well.
11. 11
Jessica
I
did
too.
Too
well.
And
neither
of
us
recognized
the
Gerald
you
spoke
about.
May
All
the
important
bits
were
left
out.
Jonah
Hey,
I
did
my
best
with
the
material
I
was
given.
Whaddya
mean,
important
bits?
What
important
bits?
May
The
way
he
was
killed,
for
example.
Jonah
(slowly
and
somberly)
The
way
he
was
killed?
But
that
was
all
in
there,
May.
Jessica
Jonah
Oh,
it
was.
Right
there
beneath
the
surface,
Jessica.
Throbbing.
I
worked
hard
on
maybe
due
to
inattenti
or
possibly
grief.
May
We
missed
nothing.
You
said
nothing
about
him
getting
himself
shot.
Jonah
Well,
not
out
loud
not
in
mere
words.
(touching
his
heart
with
one
hand
and
making
a
peculiar
Shakespearean-‐type
gesture
with
the
other)
But
it
was
there.
May
there
was
Jessica
The
point
is,
Jonah,
there
yours
and
that
was
deeply
insulting
to
us,
as
his
ex-‐wives.
Jonah
powerful
tool.
How
do
I
explain
ike
lust,
Jessica
.
Ya
get
me?
(staring
at
Jessica,
hungrily)
12. 12
Jessica
(starting
to
warm
to
Jonah)
Oh,
like
lust.
Right.
Nice
one.
I
know
a
thing
or
two
about
that,
deffo.
May
What
has
this
to
do
with
how
Gerald
died?
Jonah
(snapping
out
of
it
suddenly)
I
rehearsed
a
version
of
the
eulogy
where
I
was
more
explicit
about
h
but
it
May
for
you?
Jonah
in
the
mire
of
all
the
gruesome
facts.
So
I
decided
to
be
selective,
to
trim
his
story
back
to
the
bare
bones.
And
the
more
I
left
out,
the
more
sympathetic
and
likeable
he
seemed
to
May
Ballycotton.
Jonah
Yeah,
how
he
sourced
a
12-‐gauge
pump
and
stalked
Gerald
like
a
deer
outside
his
Connecticu
the
heart
of
the
man
I
was
meant
to
immortalize.
May
This
is
a
disgrace.
Jonah
What?
Why?
The
congregation
already
knew
the
score.
It
was
all
over
the
news.
I
felt
best
served
by
my
burying
the
murder
in
my
subtext.
I
think
it
really
worked
that
way.
A
lot
of
faces
looked
incredibly
moved
to
me.
(dreamily,
looking
off
into
the
distance)
From
where
I
was
standing,
up
in
the
pulpit,
all
dressed
to
the
nines,
I
could
see
half
the
congregation
blubbering
into
their
handkerchiefs.
May
You
mean
sniggering
up
their
sleeves.
Jessica
(twirling
her
hair,
flirtatiously)
Wow.
It
must
be
amazeballs
to
have
that
kind
of
effect
on
people.
So,
but,
Gerald
actually
like
hired
you
to
give
the
eulogy,
Jonah?
13. 13
Jonah
-‐broadway
plays
and
short
films,
as
well
as
ds
how
I
met
Gerald.
May
Gerald
was
staying
at
a
hostel?
Jonah
-‐
the
local
Irish
bar
-‐
after
my
shift.
Gerald
was
there
ld
me
all
about
his
life,
about
Ireland
and
being
a
big,
famous
banker
before
it
all
went
wrong.
About
his
prostate
cancer
too.
Jessica
And
his
love
of
pandas,
apparently.
Jonah
The
whole
spiel,
yeah.
The
whole
nine
yards.
May
Spiel
is
right.
Jonah
I
told
him
about
my
acting
and
stuff
and
he
said
he
would
like
to
engage
my
services.
May
To
give
the
eulogy
at
his
funeral?
Unbelievable.
Jonah
you
know,
the
fact
that
he
left
this
country
under
a
cloud
and
all,
he
wanted
to
stage-‐manage
his
passing
somewhat.
He
wanted
an
impartial
party,
with
strong
empathy
and
performance
skills,
to
celebrate
him
did
a
really
good
job
rendering
his
words,
depicting
him
as
he
wished
to
be
depicted.
Tenderly,
and
with
a
smile.
May
Did
Gerald
actually
write
that
pile
of
shite
himself?
Jonah
(with
a
huge,
enthusiastic
smile)
I
use
it?
Shite.
Yeah,
so
G
wrote
the
material
when
he
thought
it
would
be
the
cancer
that
got
him
...
The
poor
schmuck
never
anticipated
the
shooting.
He
gave
me
full
artistic
license
though
May
So
yo gloss
over
his
little
contribution
to
the
Bank
Bailout?
14. 14
Jessica
I
hope
he
fiction.
You
travelled
a
long
way.
Jonah
Look,
I
really
tried
to
be
truthful,
ladies.
I
tried
to
deliver
every
line,
every
little
anecdote
and
tribute
with
love
(with
cloying
earnestness)
love
from
the
cosmos.
May
You
know
what,
that
bishop
on
Joe
Duffy
was
right.
Eulogies
should
be
banned.
Jonah
(pause)
Should
something
untoward
happen
consider
hiring
me
to
deliver
your
eulogies.
I
have
a
standard
form
contract
up
in
my
room.
May?
Whaddya
think,
May?
May
peddle
me
Jonah
girls
a
real
good
deal,
being
exes
of
the
G-‐
now,
really
in
demand.
Ok,
gonna
try
a
little
improv
and
maybe
that
will
convince
you
to
take
a
chance
on
me.
Jessica
Oh,
coolio,
this
is
fun.
Jonah
,
May,
that
you
meet
your
untimely
end
texting
while
driving.
(Jumping
up
and
down
a
few
times,
moving
his
head
from
side
to
side
to
stretch
his
neck,
cracking
his
knuckles
before
adopting
his
dreadful
Oirish
accent
again)
Dearly
beloved,
May
will
be
fondly
remembered
by
her
devoted
family
and
her
eclectic
mix
of
friends.
Although
May
spent
most
of
her
life
working
within
the
May
Not
true,
I
have
a
very
successful
career.
Jonah
(in
his
normal
accent)
Oh
yeah,
doing
what?
May
The
Social
Sciences.
15. 15
Jonah
Excellent.
I
can
work
with
that.
(turning
on
his
bróg
again)
May
worked
all
her
life
in
academia
the
Social
Sciences.
Is
there
any
more
nobler
calling,
friends?
May
made
it
her
daily
mission
to
improve
the
plight
of
the
poor,
the
disenfranchised,
the
addicted,
the
homeless,
the
mentally
deranged
and
retarded.
May
Stop.
Jonah
(in
his
ordinary
voice)
(returning
to
his
paddy
whackery
accent)
She
waged
her
one-‐woman
war
with
a
pen,
well
actually
mostly
with
her
laptop
computer.
Irrespective
of
her
tool,
she
was
one
of
the
finest
influencers
of
our
time.
When
she
talked,
people
listened
.
She
was
a
kind
of
female
Jesus
in
the
modern
Godless
era.
An
Irish
female
Jesus.
(clapping
his
hands
together
with
a
big
smile
and
looking
between
the
woman
proudly,
expecting
enthusiastic
praise)
I
cooked
up
more
background
information
and
rehearsal
time?
I
can
make
Mother
Teresa
seem
lame
compared
to
you.
Jessica
I
really
enjoyed
that.
Did
you
ever
consider
a
life
in
politics,
Jonah?
You
sure
can
turn
it
on.
a
smooth
operator
as
they
say.
May
As
who
says?
Jessica
him,
if
I
were
you.
May
-‐
Tony
-‐
n,
I
die.
And
I
never
text
while
driving.
Jonah
improv.
Jessica
(hideously
flirty)
,
no
matter
Mary
Magdalene.
A
fallen
with
a
weakness
for
Jimmy
Choo s.
16. 16
May
No
one
here
is
going
to
want
to
hire
you
for
a
eulogy,
Jonah.
And
being
but
it
was
right
that
he
got
a
to
give
his
eulogy.
If
Gerald
had
to
pay
an
actor
to
tell
lies,
it
should
have
been
a
Catholic
Jonah
a
real
weakness
of
mine.
Like
most
performers
I
crave
the
applause,
the
adoration
of
the
crowd.
May
Jessica
wants
you
to
high-‐tail
it
too.
Jessica
,
May.
weakness
for
big
talkers,
a.k.a.
spoofers.
the
biggest
spoofer
of
them
all.
(with
flirtatious
mockery)
And
begorrah
and
bejaysus,
Jonah,
but
your
hind-‐parts
look
tasty
in
that
tux.
Jonah
(seriously)
Look,
t
to
the
chase.
happily
work
my
way
through
the
Karma
Sutra
with
you,
.
Let
me
just
deal
with
this
urn
business
and
then
we
can
blow
this
pop-‐stand.
Whaddya
say?
Jessica
Oh,
ok.
(rubbing
her
neck
and
chest
suggestively)
work
on
your
for
one
night
only.
May
Jessica
that
needs
scratching.
(walking
away)
Toodle-‐
oo,
darling.
Jonah
And
boy
will
I
scratch
it
for
you,
sunshine.
Right.
Stay
safe,
May.
(importantly
and
in
his
big,
loud
Oirish
accent)
Ladies
and
Gentleman,
can
I
have
a
bit
of
hush,
más
e
do
thoil
é
(pronounced
mass
ay
do
hull
ay),
for
the
unveiling
of
the
urn.
Thank
you.
Go
raibh
maith
agaibh
(pronounced
gurrev
math
agive)
Dearly
beloved,
brothers,
sisters,
(looking
longingly
after
Jessica)
alluring
one-‐time
loves
of
this
remarkable
banker
turned
eco-‐warrior,
I
give
you
the
eternal
resting
place
of
Mr
Gerald
Fitzgerald
esquire,
deceased.
(pulling
the
sheet
off
the
urn,
like
a
magician.
It
is
a
tacky,
plastic
piggy
bank)
Hmm.
That
boy
sure
had
a
sense
of
humor,
huh.
The
end
