Universal Aspirations

2. Dealing With All The Evils
That The Game Will Bring
Ξ

3. “Gettin’ Paid!”,
That’s All He Spoke
Story Recounted by Jan Bak

4. ‘He’ got so eager to ‘make it’, that
he tried to buy the entire city
He came
Got a job
Rented a place
He saw
Met some buddies
Found a lady friend
Put some money into a
savings account
He f’d up
Lacked respect
Insufficient aspiration

5. But he didn’t
own the land

7. LIGHT MY CIGAR
Jan Bak

8. A Cigar And Coffee Is Better
Than Fornication And Food
 Dominican
 Nicaraguan
 Colombian
 Starbucks
 Intelligentsia
 Lowe’s Coffee

9. MAYBE NOT
OKAY……

10. Caterpillars Become Butterflies? –
No, Bad Bitches Get Badder
 That exotic girl I used
to kick it with was
quite attractive, but
now she’s really
f****** hot
 Damn, I messed up

11. NOT REALLY
ON SECOND THOUGHT…

12. Stupid Meaningless Charts
F*** these
lame ass
charts

13. Get that technical jargon out of my face
I Like Eating Sunflower Seeds In Poland

14. Tips For Success In
The Corporate World
 Do not make your ‘corporate laugh’
too obnoxious or too intimidating
 Consider the signal you are sending
by bringing the unmarried person
you are having intercourse with to
your company holiday party
 Avoid intimate relationships with
secretaries and opposing attorneys
 Think through whether or not it is a
good idea to trust somebody who
says “I don’t like to throw people
under the bus right away”

15. DO NOT TRY TO FIT A SQUARE PEG INTO A ROUND HOLE
Check yourself
(for buffoonery,
malarkey, and
tomfoolery)
16x9
4x3

16. Opportunity
Cost
Jan Bak

17. Rather be in the Northeast in an office
or in South Florida on the water?
Nerds On Computers Salesmen On Boats
OR

18. All this employer worship has gone way
too far – Thanks, Trump
Businessweek: How Walmart Keeps
An Eye On Its Massive Workforce

19. Keep an
open eye…
For them haters

20. Jan Bak

21.  Break The Ice
 Get To Know You
 Build Your Confidence
 Play Subtle Mind Games
 Question The Meaning Of Your Life
 Cash Your Checks
Agenda

22. It's a trip, when you feel
your enemies/But can't
figure out who’s who,
keep it true
A Small World

23.  Ernest Hemingway Is The Man
 People Love Their Dogs
 Saint Nicholas Solves Most Problems
 We All Need Water
The Rules Of Society

24. Those short stories are
baller as hell, and the
longer books are legit
Even lazy people have
read The Old Man And
The Sea
Ernest Hemingway
Is The Man

25. I knew it wouldn’t last
when she put her dog
ahead of me in terms of
her life priorities
But at least then I knew
she wasn’t crazy
People Love
Their Dogs

26. Had a small fight with
my girlfriend at the time
Put a Nordstrom gift
card under her pillow,
she bought new jeans,
then the sex got wild
again
Saint Nicholas
Solves Most
Problems

27. Don’t ask a dumb
question and say ‘Why?’
Because if you don’t
have water you will die,
that’s why!
We All Need Water

28. I set dates, but rarely go on them

29. Pasta In A Bag
Jan Bak

30. A Lot Of Things I Enjoy, At
Least One Person Had A
Problem With At Some Point
Here’s a few samples

31. Simple Things I Enjoy That Are Rational
▪ Breakfast burritos
▪ Attractive women in yoga pants
▪ Coffee brewed at Starbucks instead of brewed at home
▪ UGK, Future, Chief Keef
▪ Maxed-out credit cards
▪ Digital-based entrepreneurship
▪ Cross-cultural relationships
▪ Pasta in a bag

32. How Things Work
Mention
something
new
WTF?
I tell
people it’s
the future
He’s
crazy
People
gossip
about my
sanity
Get
some
help
All of a
sudden
one day
it’s a staple
in their
lives
It’s
smart
I get
phone
calls
asking for
my help
What’s
next

33. Who does he
think he is?!
The nerve of that kid…
Stock photo of a smug professional

34. I’m Amazing, And Kind Of A Big Deal –
What They Want, I Already Have

35. Even If You Are Amazing, One Should Never Believe
They Are Above Cleaning Their Own Refrigerator
If You Feel You Are So Big That You Expect
Other People To Clean Your Fridge A 6th Time
Just Because They Did It 5 Times Before…Then
You Just A Bitch
It’s Never Too Late To Stop Being A Bitch

36. Tall Ball
Jan Bak

37. This Is My Starting Five Dream Team
Key Attribute
Height
My Ranking in ‘Greatest Players Of All Time’
Categories

38. Point Guard
Key Attribute –
Orchestration
Height – 6’ 8’’
Ranking – #1

39. Shooting Guard
Key Attribute –
Scoring
Height – 6’ 6’’
Ranking – #2

40. Small Forward
Key Attribute –
Resilience
Height – 6’ 9’’
Ranking – #9

41. Power Forward
Key Attribute –
Chemistry
Height – 6’ 11’’
Ranking – #4

42. Center
Key Attribute –
Defense
Height – 6’ 9’’
Ranking – #10

43. 6th Man
Kobe!

44. SMHJan Bak

46. SHE TOLD ME I HAD
NO CONSCIENCE
This was after she went to China
and tried to keep her illicit romance a secret

47. UNCULTURED FOLKS HAVE NO
PROBLEM DROPPING LINGO
LIKE ‘ANCHOR BABY’ AND
‘WELFARE QUEEN’
Yet they have no concept of how to make money
other than by being a victim of corporate exploitation

48. HE LOOKED ME IN MY EYES
AND TOLD LIES WITH SO
MUCH FEAR THAT HE
DEFECATED HIMSELF
Obviously he made sure to avoid mention of
his gambling and alcohol addictions

49. SOME FOOLS KNOW
PASSAGES FROM EVERY
BOOK IN THE BIBLE
Still they don’t know to wear a prophylactic every
time they are premaritally inside of a woman

50. NO MATTER THE WEATHER, HUMANS WILL SCHEME
AND PLOT TO TRY AND MAKE THINGS BETTER

51. NO, I DON’T SHAKE MY HEAD
SOME MEN CALL ME A NUISANCE, SOME WOMEN CALL ME A BLESSING

52. I THINK I’M
PERFECT HOW
THE UNIVERSE
MADE ME

53. Every Day Is Saturday
Johnny Bak

54. In the United States today, we are quick to
polarize our lifestyles into 2 distinct groups
Working So Hard
• Sacrificing everything for
work and the ideal of
getting wealthy
• Looking down on people
different from oneself
• Blaming politicians for all
problems and challenges
Just Getting By
• Moving at one’s own pace
regardless of what others
may think or say
• Being overly naïve to the
realities of social systems
• Embracing the concept that
money and material are evil

55. Neither of those lifestyles
is a key to happiness
Think big

56. The
World
Money
LoveSex

57. When your boss is spazzing out and you are
having trouble seeing what they are mad about
 Let them know there
are several things
worse than being
stuck in the office
• Earthquakes
• Tsunamis
• Volcanoes
• Tornadoes
• Famines
• Asteroids
• Ebola And Such

58. Jan Bak, Once Upon A Time
You would think with all this cash and affection
from women that I should be the happiest man alive
Jan Bak, Humor Is The Only Way To Deal With All This Nonsense
It’s only when those closest to you take issue with most of what
you do that you realize the hypocrisy humans are truly capable of
Jan Bak, There’s More To Life Than Materialism And Imperialism
Everything in moderation, except meaningful mingling with nice
girls and smartly placed working capital…those things never get old

59. Money talks
Mazes confuse
Emptiness echoes
Money talks
Mazes confuse
Emptiness echoes

60. Currents, Sea,
& Currency
Jan Bak

61. History ebbs and flows, so best to stay in the know
December 31, 2015 The End Of Days

62. Basically the start of
the English-speaking
culture, officially
1066
Respect? So Far Back, Who Cares?

63. The Great American
Experiment, began
with a huge middle
finger & F-U to the law
1776
Courageous? Hypocritical?

64. Firebombing that one
German city, Kurt
Vonnegut later told a
story
1944-45
Diabolical? Cosmic Justice?

65. Atomic bombs over
Hiroshima and
Nagasaki –Tragic
1945
Unnecessary? Prevented Many More Deaths?

66. Birth of a corruption
stomper &
obliviousness crusher
1990
Useless? History Making?