Walk a Mile in Her Shoes® is a International Men’s March to Stop Rape, Sexual Assault & Gender Violence. This will be the second year the All-American has lead this event. The event is on Sunday, March 25 in the CMU Main Lounge and Ballroom, and all members of the Fargo-Moorhead community are welcomed. During the walk, women and men together will walk a mile around the campus of MSUM. Men will be given the opportunity to wear high heels to signify putting yourself in her shoes. Last year’s event was a huge succes and all the Dragon teams had players that participated. Again this year student-athletes will be in attendance for the event, and you really should see a men’s basketball center in six inch heels.

1. Information from the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center

2.  Grandiose, over-identifying with strengths
 Ascribe to cultural sex role stereotypes
 Exhibit exaggerated sense of worth and
power
 Feel entitled to what they want

3.  Grew up in violent home
 Self-absorbed
 Use force to get what they want

4.  Grew up in abusive family
 Gets into fights with other individuals
(besides partner)
 May have arrest record
 Outbursts of temper

5. Information from the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center

6. Myth #1
Rape is just a sexual act;
not big deal.

7.  FACT: Rape is a violent crime committed in
a sexual manner. It is the sexual release of
anger or control to inflict violence and
humiliation on the victim. Whether there is a
physical force or not, without consent, it is
rape. Rape is a socially learned behavior; it
correlates with history, gender roles,
conditioning, and sexual violence in the
media.

8. Myth #2
Rape is provoked by the
victim; people who are
raped are asking for it.

9. FACT: Rape is a violent crime committed in a
sexual manner. It is the sexual release of
anger or control to inflict violence and
humiliation on the victim. Whether there is a
physical force or not, without consent, it is
rape. Rape is a socially learned behavior; it
correlates with history, gender roles,
conditioning, and sexual violence in the
media.

10.  Myth #3
Only young, beautiful
women in mini skirts get
raped and only “bad” girls
in large cities are raped.

11.  FACT: Rapists choose their victims without
regard to physical appearance. Victims are
young, old, male, female, married, single, and
of any rave or economic class. Sexual assaults
occur in all areas-cities, suburbs, small towns,
and rural areas.

12. Myth #4
Rape is a rare occurrence.

13.  FACT: Statistics show a sexual assault
occurs every 2 ½ minutes in the United
States. One in four women (25%) and one in
33 men (3%) will be a victim of sexual assault.
Sexual assaults are one of the most under-
reported crimes with more than half still
being left unreported. The average rapist
commits 8-12 assaults before being caught.

14. Myth #5
Sexual assaults occur
only among strangers.

15.  FACT: In 2005, 70% of female sexual assault
victims stated their offender was an intimate,
other relative, friend, or acquaintance.
Amongst juvenile sexual assault victims, 93%
knew their attacker.

16. Myth #6
Women are raped when
they are out alone at
night, primarily in dark
alleys.

17.  FACT: Over 50% of all reported sexual
assaults occur in the home. In the 2005,
almost 2/3 of all sexual assaults occurred
between 6pm and 6am, not just during
evening hours.

18. Myth #7
Any person could prevent
rape if they really wanted
to. No one can be raped
against their will.

19.  FACT: According to the 2005 FBI Crime
Statistics, 91.8% of sexual assaults involved
physical force. All victims are traumatized
whether there is physical force or not; they
feel as if they’ve lost control, fear the risk of
pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases,
and not being believed by family friends.

20. Myth #8
Sexual assaults do not
happen to men. If men
are assaulted, it is a
homosexual assault.

21.  FACT: Same sex assaults can and do occur.
In 2003, one in 10 (10%) of sexual assault
victims were male. Sixty percent of convicted
rapists were married or had regular sexual
partners at the time of the assault. However,
the frequency of male sexual assault is
difficult to estimate for two reasons: 1.) our
reluctance to recognize the crime, and 2.) the
victim’s reluctance to report the crime.

22. Myth #9
Rape is an impulsive,
uncontrollable act of
sexual gratification. Most
rapes are spontaneous.

23.  FACT: Seventy-one percent (71%) of rapes
are planned in advance. A rapist has it in their
mind to assault someone (anyone), or has a
specific person in mind.

24. Myth #10
Rape does not occur in
marriage.

25.  FACT: In 2002 a national survey found 10%
of women were victims of rape or attempted
rape by a husband or intimate in their
lifetime. Most states have laws prohibiting
rape in marriage.

26.  Myth #11
The FBI reports only 2% of
rape reports are given
falsely. This is the same
report rate for other
felonies.

27.  FACT: The FBI reports only 2% of rape
reports are given falsely. This is the same
report rate for other felonies.

28.  Myth #12
Rapists are abnormal perverts
with an unsatisfied sex drive.
Only “sick” or “insane” people
sexually assault others. The
primary motivate for rape is
sexual.

29.  FACT: Rapists have normal sex drives, are
generally sexually active (married or have
available sex partners) and exhibit “normal”
types of behavior, with the exception of a
greater-than-average tendency to be
aggressive. Male rapists equate “manhood”
with being in control or carrying out sexual
acts. Rape is a way to degrade and punish
their victims.

30. Information from the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center

31.  Fear
 Fear from threats made by rapist
 Rapist often threatens to harm or kill them and
“find them some way some how”
 Fear of society’s reaction, often fearing that
blame will be put on them not the rapist
 Fear of men since it is easy to generalize all men in
the same category
 Fear of not being believed, especially if the rapist
is popular in the community, or a family friend

32.  Guilt
 Many feel that the rape is somehow their fault
 They often have thoughts such as “It must have
been something I did.”
 May feel guilt that they “didn’t fight hard enough”
 If they knew the rapist before, they may feel guilt
that they should have known
 Self-doubt and guilt run rampant since many
victims think that they could take care of
themselves until it happens to them

33.  Embarrassment
 Many are embarrassed to talk about the
physical details of the assault
 Many isolate themselves because they don’t
want family and friends to know about the
assault
 They may fear blame from family and friends
 The medical exam may be extremely
embarrassing since the victims body is again
exposed to others

34.  Anxiety
 Many victims feel extreme anxiety and
react by shaking uncontrollably
 When remembering the assault they may
experience shortness of breath, panic,
shaking, and fear
 Nightmares frequently occur
 It is important for a victim to realize they
are safe and that the reactions are
occurring as a result of feeling about rape

35.  Questioning Why it Happened to
Them
 While rapists decided to rape and plan
the assault it may not be decided until
the time of the attack
 The decision may be based on who
happens to be available, not who or
what that person was wearing

36.  Anger
 There is often anger about the events following
the attack as well as the rape itself
 They feel anger at having to change their lifestyles
and anger at feeling powerless
 Anger is a very normal and appropriate reaction
since it can help them start to work through the
attack
 Counseling, reporting, and prosecution of the
perpetrator may be ways to vent those feelings

37. Information by the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center

38.  Learn all you can about sexual assault. This
will help to dispel myths and give you greater
understanding of the effects
 Allow the victim to talk about the experience
of victimization and the feelings that follow
without judgment
 HOWEVER some victims may not wish to talk
about the experience. Respect their wished
either way

39.  Help the victim place blame on the
perpetrator not on themselves
 Remind them that what happened was not
their fault
 Remind them that no matter what they do
NO ONE has the right to violate them
 Assist the victim in holding the assailant
accountable for his or her actions

40.  Don’t try to “rescue” the victim from their
feelings even though it is hard to see the ones
we love in pain
 Even though the victim may rely on you for
support, remember that they are in control of
their own life
 Respect the time it takes for the victim to
recover from trauma

41.  Don’t be surprised if the victim experiences any
or all of the following:
 Irritability, nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety, or panic
attacks
 A fear of people and heightened sense of vulnerability
 Concern or compassion for the assailant
 Anger or rage at the perpetrator, society, or
themselves
 Changes in personality
 Encourage them to seek professional counseling or a
sexual assault victims’ support group

42. Information by the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center

43.  Guilt- you somehow should have been able to
prevent the assault
 Blame-placed on the victim or yourself
 Fear-of another assault, what people will say,
medical repercussions, etc.
 Anger-toward the assailant, but sometimes
also toward yourself and/or the victim
 Depression- brought on by feelings of
helplessness/hopelessness

44.  Loss of intimacy- feeling the victim distancing
him/herself from others
 Frustration- toward the assailant, victim,
yourself and the system
 Overprotection- a desire to protect the victim
from further pain/danger
 Retaliation- against the attacker
 Shame- especially if you have believed the
myths about causes of assault
 Weariness- there will be times when you need to
take a break form the victim, or a break from
talking about sexual violence issues

45. Information from the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center

46. Myth #1
The problem of domestic
violence is greatly
exaggerated

47.  FACT: There are nearly 5.3 million incidents of
intimate partner violence each year among
U.S. women ages 18 and older. Statistics
show that on in four women in the U.S. will
experience domestic violence in her lifetime.
On average, more than three women are
murdered by their husband or boyfriend each
day.

48. Myth #2
Men and women have
always fought; it is
natural

49.  FACT: All couples will disagree at one time. It
is important to remember that anger is a
feeling while violence is a behavior. It is
possible to be angry without becoming
violent. Battering is a crime of power and
control

50. Myth #3
Domestic violence only
happens in lower
economic classes and
minority populations

51.  FACT: Domestic abuse occurs in families from
all social, racial, economic educational, and
religious backgrounds. It occurs in towns,
suburbs, rural areas, and the inner city.

52. Myth #4
Pregnancy will protect a
woman from being
abused

53.  FACT: Between 4-8% of pregnant women are
abused at least once during their pregnancy.
It is estimated as many as 324,00 women
each year experience intimate partner
violence during their pregnancy. There is no
subgroup of women immune to the threat of
domestic violence.

54. Myth #5
If a person wanted to they
could leave their abusive
partner

55.  FACT: On average an abused woman leaves
her partner 6-8 times. There are many
reasons they stay including, his or her “good”
qualities, love, the abusers destruction of
other relationships, fear of failure, religious
beliefs, not wanting to deprive children,
promises of change, or fear of more violence.

56. Myth #6
Domestic violence does
not affect children since
they are usually not
aware of the abuse

57.  FACT: Although many adults believe they
have protected their children from exposure
to domestic violence, 80-90% of children in
those homes can give detailed descriptions of
violence experienced in their families.
Further, children in homes where domestic
violence occurs may experience many
extreme effects.

58. Myth #7
Marital rape does not
really happen

59.  FACT: In the U.S. every year about 1.5 million
women are raped or physically assaulted by
an intimate partner. Additionally 25% of
women have been raped and/or physically
assaulted by an intimate partner in their
lifetime.

60. Myth #8
People who abuse their
partners are mentally ill
and not responsible for
their actions

61.  FACT: Batters are not out of control. They use
violence as a means to gain and maintain
control over their partner and the
relationship. Domestic abuse is a grime and
as with all other crimes, the batterer is
responsible for his or her behavior and its
consequences.

62. Myth #9
Alcohol and drug use
cause domestic violence

63.  FACT: There is little evidence to support this
theory. It should be noted that many people
who abuse their partners report no history of
addiction or misuse of alcohol or any other
substance. Similarly, many people who do
misuse alcohol and other substances do not
abuse their partners.

64. Myth #10
Women abuse men just as
often as men abuse
women

65.  FACT: Studies show that 85% of domestic
violence victims are women. In over ¾ of all
family violence situations, the perpetrator of
the violence was male. Domestic violence is
the most common cause of injury to
American women between the ages of 15-44.

67.  I have the right to respect, communication,
trust, and boundaries in my relationship
 I have the right to a relationship between
equals
 I have the right to be myself without
changing to suit others, and the right to no
judgments
 I have the right to be listened to

68.  I have the right to set limits on physical
closeness, to say “no” to any activity that makes
me uncomfortable, as well as to accept a “No.”
 I have the right to choose when I want to be with
my partner and when I would like to be with my
other friends or by myself
 I have the right to be in a relationship that makes
me feel good about myself and to end a
relationship that makes me feel bad about
myself.

69.  I have the right to NOT be called names, put
down, or embarrassed by my partner
 I have the right to have my wants, needs, and
opinions heard and respected by my partner and
to have equal say in making decisions in our
relationship
 I have the right to feel safe, both physically and
emotionally, in my relationships
 I have the right to NOT take on responsibility for
my partner’s feelings, choices, or behaviors