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Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout?
Critical thinking about the impacts
of what you say and how you say it.
Wild on Wounds 2016
Las Vegas, NV
09.03.16
Bryan J. Stewart
#WOW16WTBC
Learning
Objectives
1. General understanding of the impacts of verbal
and non-verbal communications.
2. Explore and share knowledge, tools and
techniques to help you improve and optimize
your communication effectiveness.
3. Have some fun together.
2#WOW16WTBC
3
Agenda
#WOW16WTBC
What are we
going to
cover today?
Number I.
The Basics
Number II.
Body Language & Non-Verbal
Communication
Number III.
Listening
Number IV.
The Power of Words
Number V.
Issue Clearing Model
Number VI.
Crucial Conversations Model
4#WOW16WTBC
My
Disclaimer
5
6
The Basics
PART I.❶
#WOW16WTBC
Why it
matters.
“The single
biggest
problem in
communication
is the illusion
that it has
taken place.”
- George Bernard Shaw
7#WOW16WTBC
Elements of
Effective
Communication
• What You Say
~ One Way vs Two Way
~ Words Matter
• How You Say It
~ Four Communication Styles
~ Body Language (Yours and Theirs)
• How You Receive
~ Active Listening
~ Empathy
8#WOW16WTBC
Verbal
vs
Non-Verbal
More than 65% of our communications are non-
verbal…
> 35% of our
communications come
from the words that we
speak
> 65%
“Communication consists of both verbal and non-verbal signals. As a result,
humans are continuously communicating not just thoughts, ideas, and opinions
but also feelings and emotions.”
- Morreale, Spitzberg & Barge, 2001
9#WOW16WTBC
Listening
• Active
• Passive
• Empathy
10#WOW16WTBC
11
Communication is hard.
You can improve if you invest the time
and effort.
Key Points
#WOW16WTBC
12
Body Language
&
Non-Verbal Communication
PART II.❶
#WOW16WTBC
Why it
matters.
Actions > Words
13#WOW16WTBC
The 5
Power Poses
The
Standard
Flare
14#WOW16WTBC
The 5
Power Poses
The
Lap
Cross
Megaphone
15#WOW16WTBC
The 5
Power Poses
The
Bro
Spread
16#WOW16WTBC
The 5
Power Poses
The
Table Cross
Megaphone
17#WOW16WTBC
The 5
Power Poses
The
Mr.
President
18#WOW16WTBC
Fake It Until
You Make It
• Power Posing
~ Mental
~ Physical
• Try It
~ Before
~ During
~ After
19#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
“This and That”
20#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
“Open Wide”
21#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
“The Triangle”
aka
“The Mr.
Wonderful”
22#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
“Knife Hands”
“Be polite, be professional,
but have a plan to kill
everybody you meet.”
U.S. Marine General
James “Mad Dog” Mattis
23#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
“All About Me”
24#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
“Open and Up”
25#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
What do you see?
26#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
The Hand
Spectrum
27#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
Hands Matter
28#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
Hands Matter
29#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
The Power
of the Feet
• Kicking
• Crossing
• Pointing
30#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
Congruence
31#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
Congruence
32#WOW16WTBC
Common Poses
and Gestures
Congruence
33#WOW16WTBC
34
Actions > Words
Find and use a “mirror”.
Key Points
#WOW16WTBC
Potential
Mistakes
• Negative
Default
• No Context
Consideration
• All in One
• No Know
Baseline
• Blasting
Biases
35#WOW16WTBC
What about you?
Examples
• Misunderstood
• Common Traps
36#WOW16WTBC
37
Listening
PART II.❶
#WOW16WTBC
Active Listening
• Illusion of 1st Words
• Check Yourself
• Strive to Understand
38#WOW16WTBC
39
The Power of Words
PART IV.❶
#WOW16WTBC
I am sorry.
Three Little
Words
40#WOW16WTBC
Please forgive me.
Three Little
Words
41#WOW16WTBC
How are you (really)?
Three Little
Words
42#WOW16WTBC
43
Words matter.
How they are delivered matters.
Key Points
#WOW16WTBC
44
Issue Clearing Model
PART V.❶
#WOW16WTBC
Issue
Clearing
Model
1. I have an issue I’d like to clear with you.
Is now a good time?
2. The specific facts are…..
3. I think….my judgment is….my opinion
is….
4. I feel….
5. My part in this is….
6. And what I specifically want is….
45#WOW16WTBC
Issue
Clearing
Model
7. Let me see if I understand
you….what I hear is….
8. Is that accurate…..am I on target?
9. Is there more?
10. Are we clean and clear about
this?
46#WOW16WTBC
Issue
Clearing
Model
• About being heard, not necessarily
about resolving the issue.
• You can never negotiate with emotion.
47#WOW16WTBC
48
Crucial Conversations Model
(CCM)
PART VI.❶
#WOW16WTBC
The CCM
1. Definition
Discussion between two or
more people.
2. Dialogue
The free flow of meaning
between two or more people.
49#WOW16WTBC
The CCM
3. Purpose
• Fill the pool
• Better meaning = better
outcome
4. Start with yourself
• What do you really want
and not want?
50#WOW16WTBC
The CCM
5. Notice when safety is at risk
6. Make it safe
7. Mastering stories
8. Dialogue to action
51#WOW16WTBC
The CCM
9. Tips and tricks
• Waiting doesn’t usually
help
• Works in all directions
• Look for patterns
• Practice zooming out
52#WOW16WTBC
53
Tools are only
good if you use them.
Key Points
#WOW16WTBC
Summary
Number I.
The Basics
Number II.
Body Language
Number III.
Listening
Number IV.
The Power of Words
Number V.
Issue Clearing Model
Number VI.
Crucial Conversations Model
54#WOW16WTBC
Three
Challenges
55#WOW16WTBC
Find a “Mirror”
Ask someone to be your mirror, maybe at home
and/or at work.
• Do an audit.
~ What are you saying without talking?
~ Are you congruent?
• Agree on a sign.
1. ChallengeHOW?
56#WOW16WTBC
Three Words
2. Challenge
HOW?
57
Think about people in your life that can benefit by
the power of your three words.
• Try it.
~ How did you feel?
~ How did they respond?
• Repeat as often as needed/possible.
#WOW16WTBC
Clear One
3. Challenge
HOW?
58
Think about someone that you need to get “clean
and clear” with.
• Map it out.
~ Use the framework to think about what you
want to say and how you want to say it.
~ Just do it.
• Repeat as often as needed/possible.
#WOW16WTBC
Bryan J. Stewart
bryan.stewart@healogics.com
904.416.6565
Let’s Connect
bryanjstewart
bjstewart
59#WOW16WTBC
Clear One
Stay wild and I hope
to see you next year!
60

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WoW 2016 - Bryan Stewart - Final - 08.10.16

Editor's Notes

  1. You are here: Home / Character Development / Increase Your Performance by Changing Your Posture Increase Your Performance by Changing Your Posture BY DR SHEN-LI LEE inShare1 Did you know you can improve your performance just by changing your body language? If you modify your body language by changing your facial expression or adjusting your pose, you can alter your body’s physiology and that can affect how you feel and how well you perform. Here’s the clincher: you can make yourself feel a certain way without having to pretend to feel that way. I thought it was a pretty good lesson to teach our children because it will give them a tool for managing how they feel in a given situation. Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are… I have read this before and I have used it with success on Aristotle, so it was with great interest that I watched Amy Cuddy explaining the effect of power poses on TEDTalks: Just by changing our posture for 2 minutes and adopting a “power pose” – standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don’t feel confident – we can change our body chemistry, how we feel, and possibly improve our chances for success. The high-power posers showed a nearly 20 percent increase in testosterone (the dominance hormone) and a 25 percent decrease in cortisol (the stress hormone). The low-power posers saw a 10 percent decline in testosterone and a 17 percent increase in cortisol. Cuddy says, “These two-minute changes (in body stance) lead to hormonal changes that can configure your brain to be either assertive, confident and comfortable, or really stress reactive and feeling shut down.” – Huffington Post Power posing is linked to: better performance greater confidence reduced stress more assertive behavior
  2. Whenever you want to separate two different ideas or things, you can use your hands to symbolically represent them. For example, I might say we are totally different from them, using my left hand when I say “we” and my right hand when I say “them.” This is a great way to put distance between two things.
  3. Congruence refers to the relationship between the verbal and nonverbal components of a message. Communication is congruent if both channels agree. It is incongruent if they send conflicting messages such as when a person shakes his head from side to side and says, "Yes." Nonverbal cues are more accurate than verbal messages - especially regarding attitude and intent.
  4. Any time we bring our hands in towards our heart or chest, we usually want to indicate to ourselves. I have even heard sneaky speaking coaches tell candidates to point towards themselves when talking about anything positive… use it carefully!
  5. You often bounce your feet when you're happy or excited. Bouncing or tapping feet are whatprofessional poker players refer to as happy feet. A high confidence tell that a player's hand is strong. Now you may be sending the same signal in a business negotiation when you feel you're getting a good deal. But if your bouncing feet suddenly go still, it could be a sign that you're unsure or waiting to see what will happen next, the equivalent of holding your breath.Your feet point to where you'd rather be. It's interesting to watch how people's feet turn away from situations they want to avoid and point in the direction they'd prefer to be. So if you're speaking with a co-worker who seems to be paying attention, who's upper body is angled towards you but who's feet have turned toward the door, realize that she's sending you a message. She may be politely answering your questions, but her feet are telling you she'd rather be somewhere else. Your stance sends a message of confidence or insecurity. Feet say a lot about your self confidence. When you stand with your feet close together, you seem unsure or timid. When you stand with your legs crossed, you look insecure. And when you shift your weight from foot to foot you look anxious. But when you widen your stance and evenly distribute your weight on both feet, you look more solid and sure of yourself. Here's a tip for using your feet when giving your next presentation. If you walk when you speak you'll get people's attention. But don't move while making a crucial comment. You have the most impact when you combine movement with physical pauses in which you stand absolutely still to highlight your most important points.
  6. Stakes are high Opinions vary Emotions run strong
  7. Notice when Safety is at risk Silence Violence Make it safe Mutual Purpose Mutual Respect Step out/stop CRIB Commit – Recognize – Invent - Brainstorm
  8. Have you ever needed to vent. Human-nature; about maintaining control over those situations.
  9. Have you ever needed to vent. Human-nature; about maintaining control over those situations.