This document discusses why you shouldn't let others define your happiness. It argues that happiness is based on the gap between reality and expectations, but expectations can become unrealistic due to judgments from others and rushing into decisions. It recommends calibrating expectations based on an accurate understanding of reality rather than comparisons to others on social media. The key is not basing self-worth or happiness on how others see you.

1. Why You Shouldn’t Let Anyone Define Your Happiness
By
@aryomoedanton
CEO and Founder of Anakmuda.net
Ver 1.0
Copyrighted @aryomoedanton 2015

2. This guide are not your magic bullet, interview process is a somewhat highly individual
approach, there is no single “right” way, what I share, is my personal experiences
Ver 1.0
Copyrighted @aryomoedanton 2015

3. Back home, your parents are badgering you with expectations,
In school/campus, your teachers do the same
In working space, your co-workers always excel in everything s/he do

4. Even when you turn into social media, you discover happiness of your
friends getting a surprise B’day cake, achieving tops of the class, winning
debate competition, or getting accepted for lucrative scholarship

5. Then you look into the mirror and see the less perfect version of everyone
else in the world,
A pathetic mess that is less happy
You are NOT special

6. Or are you?

7. Why? Why do you have to be special?
Why do you need others to define your happiness?

8. Let me share a story about us, and our generations

9. First of all, we are different generations,
Some call us generation Y, some call us generation Millenia

10. Well I prefer to call us, generation C
CONTENT CREATORS – CONNECTED – CO-CREATE – CUSTOMIZE
CURIOUS – CONTROL – COMMUNITY – CONSTANTLY CHANGE

11. We are Versatile, Mobile, and Communal, Which are our
Strength, as well as our weaknesses

12. Weakness? Why?
Because we are communal : we are prone to become judgmental
Because we are mobile and versatile : we are prone to rush things and
doesn’t take a step back to think

13. What does being judgmental and rushing things has to do with happiness?
because
HAPPINESS = REALITY - EXPECTATION

14. It is simple, when the reality of someone’s life is better than they had
expected, they’re happy. When reality turns out to be worse than the
expectations, they’re unhappy

15. However sometimes happiness isn’t about reality that is suck, but rather
our expectation that is messed up, or simply unrealistic

16. It’s a magical combination of our tendency to rush things and
judgmental, plus the influences of our surroundings

17. Let us take a look at our closest family, our parents who most of them are
born between 1960 - 1980

18. What happened at that time, were prosper times, Indonesia are just
releasing itself from socialist and communism, and western economy
flourishes, although not as good as ideal, situations are way better
compared to 1950-1960

19. Our parents learn that things are getting better by hardworking, and it will
always do. Also it is you, and only you that can change things to be better

20. Without realizing that there are external powers such as other countries,
global economy, etc. That our country, although big in size, is just a
fraction of a bigger, more complex world

21. Fortunately, reality at that time proved to be even better than their
expectation (hence they are happy), thus confirming their belief that the
hard work method succeed, and then you are all born as their children

22. Our parents raised us just like them being raised, with believes that you can do
better than them, that you are special, nothing in this world can prevent you
from achieving your dreams, they put a lot of optimism into you

23. This optimism grow within us, suddenly what our parent has is not
enough, we want more, we believe we can do more, easily,
We no longer just want food, shelter, and education, but we want “financial
freedom” and other dreams

24. But that isn’t exactly what happened to our worlds now, due to higher
competitions, bigger populations, and relatively decreasing growth of
Economy, something that can be easily achieved 30 years ago can be twice,
if not thrice harder to achieve by today

25. 25 years ago, for 1 job occupations, there are 40 applicants, now it is 1200
25 years ago, for 1 scholarship there are 20 applicants, now it is 800
25 years ago, people retired at the age of 58, now it is 61
www.labour.org.uk

26. So what happened? It turns out that the reality is less kind compare to all
the expectation that you, and your surroundings has build so far
Hence, you are not happy

27. But somehow it get worse, again through our surroundings, especially in
this digital era. It is easy for you to get massive number of informations.
Theory dictate that more information create a more valid conclusion. So
its good isn’t it?

28. No it is not

29. It is good if those information are diverse and representing universally of
what really happened in society
Unfortunately, that is not what our Social Media do

30. Social media is not news, rather it is merely information generated by
user that is subjective, and more importantly, exactly just like us
(gen C, Rushing, Judgmental, thinking they are special, etc etc)

31. They are insecure, afraid to be judged by their surroundings, and feed
their ego with hopes that they are more successful than others, and that is
the ONLY projection that they wish to share

32. They are there publishing stories of their life, however in a bloated, inflated
version of a good story, while hiding the bad things that happened to
them. And even worse, technology is on their side, that is why we have
Inner circle in path, or camera360 to hide you in your worst day, etc

33. This only (inaccurately) makes us feel that everyone else is happy and
success meanwhile we are not, plus adding our own frustation of feeling
less perfect, less happy
Reality
Others
Reality
You
Reality
Others
Happiness Gap

34. So what do WE need to do?

35. Here is a couple of things that I can share based on what I experienced,
and what I learned :

36. Even if you might be gifted, it is easier for you to live knowing that you are not a know it
all person that will always succeed in whatever it is that you do, your imperfection will
make you want to learn, as long as you think you are not special. There will be less ego
inside you that reject and deny all failures and misery that happened.
Step #1 : Stop thinking that you are special

37. Stop rushing into things just simply you are panicking, “wow she get accepted into a
university? I need to take whatever crappy and unsuitable university that accepted me”. We
are all known for our potentials of harnessing every information within our world, it is a
shame should you rush into things and ended up regretting your decision
Step #2 : Tame your generation C wildness

38. And stop being easily judgmental. It is okay to judge people because that is how us
conclude a situation, that is one of our survival instinct, but don’t let that overwhelm you
with premature judgment of situation, other, and especially yourself. Take a breather and
think it over,
Step #2 : Tame your generation C wildness

39. There is no “correct” reality. It is a bias perception that is subjected to individuals. “seeing a heavy rain is
sad for a man going for a romantic outdoor dinner, but a blessing for farmers looking to irrigate his field
Enrich your perspective and look around for what is really happening, and don’t count only with
social media, do really talk to people, observe, and evaluate accordingly
Because Step #3 is recalibrating the FORMULA
𝐴 = 𝜋𝑟2
𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 ≠ 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 − 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛
= 𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒄𝒆𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒔 − (𝑎𝑑𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 − 𝐵𝑒𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛)
𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 = 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 − ∆ Expectation

40. As well as there is no immortal expectation. We humans are evolving due to conditions of environment,
I used to like my hometown Bukittinggi because it’s cool breeze, but living in Jakarta too long makes me
uneasy to the cold temperature. Is temperature changing? Not really, it is my body that adapt its
expectation of “happiness” so why couldn’t you do the same?
Because Step #3 is recalibrating the FORMULA
𝐴 = 𝜋𝑟2
𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 ≠ 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 − 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛
= 𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑐𝑒𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 − (𝒂𝒅𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝑬𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 − 𝑩𝒆𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑬𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏)
𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 = 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 − ∆ Expectation

41. Does that mean we need to lower our expectation as the time goes? Not really, Adjusted expectation
can be bigger than initial expectation, Manny Pacquiao never really aimed to be a world champions, but
as he discover his potentials, he adjusted the goal, and it works perfectly for him. He is Happy.
Because Step #3 is recalibrating the FORMULA
𝐴 = 𝜋𝑟2
𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 ≠ 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 − 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛
= 𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑐𝑒𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 − (𝒂𝒅𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝑬𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 − 𝑩𝒆𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑬𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏)
𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 = 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 − ∆ Expectation

42. I will cover that later specifically in a separate topics, but whatever misery that happened
because you are adhering to other’s judgment and perspective will only crush you alone,
not them. Why benchmarking your happiness from what other see in you?
Because the Key is Step #4 : Insecurity of being judged by others, are IDIOTIC

43. Ver 1.0
Copyrighted @aryomoedanton 2015
= 𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑐𝑒𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 − (𝑎𝑑𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 − 𝐵𝑒𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐸𝑥𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛)
𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 = 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 − ∆ Expectation
Happy now?

44. PROFILE
Aryo Moedanton
Jakarta-born Minang descendant
A passionate youth development activist,
Aryo believes in the power of will and consistent relentless efforts.
He currently professional development trainer as well as
founder & CEO of Anakmuda.net
“When the student is ready,
the teacher will appear”
-Buddha-

45. Jakarta-born Minang descendant with passion in youth,
development and capacity building as a trainer and motivator
Passionate Communicator
Among others, Aryo is the champion of Junior Chamber International
Asia Pacific Region 2015 , United Asia Debating Championship EFL
Category 2010, as well as 5 times national debating champion in
Indonesia
Global Commitment and Contribution
Aryo represented Indonesia in many international event such as AFS-
YES United States of America 2007 – 2008, as well as became the
Project Leader of ASEAN Youth Expo 2014 (10 countries, 7,000
participants) and Indonesia – China Youth Exchange Program
National Selection (1,566 Individuals)
Summary
PROFILE
Aryo Moedanton

46. EXPERIENCES
Up to date, Aryo has been working with more than
40 education institutions and 12 companies & government institutions
in the last 4 years as Professional Development Speakers in various
professional development skills.
To name a few, He is a speaker in…
• Youth for Colombia, entrepreneurship session, Bogota Colombia
October 2015
• ASEAN – Republic of Korea for Woman and Youth Entrepreneur ,
Cambodia 2014
• Brand Marketing, Ministry of Marine & Fisheries 2013
And some others…
• Seminar on Indonesian Progressive Culture and Hospitality,
University Prep, Seattle WA, 2008
• Class Management, Putra Sampoerna Foundation 2014
• Critical Thinking & Presentation Skills, Phillip Morris International /
HM Sampoerna 2013
PROFILE
Aryo Moedanton

47. Aryo is also exposed to various crucial elements of sustainable
society, such as Entrepreneurial, and Youth Development
thus increasing his versatility in facilitating.
Entrepreneurial
• An entrepreneur since 2006
• Owning 2 start up enterprises while building the third right now
• Field Practitioner Judge and Mentor for Development Bank of
Singapore – Social Venture Challenge Asia 2015
Youth Development
• Broadcaster for Greetings from America, a radio-based youth
development platform 2007 - 2008
• Founder and CEO of Anakmuda.net 2015
• Member of the team for Strategic Long Term Planning Ministry of
Youth and Sports Republic of Indonesia 2015 - 2035
MORE EXPOSURES
PROFILE
Aryo Moedanton

48. Let’s Discuss more, should you have additional info that can be added, or want to know
deeper about the topic(s), please contact me :
@aryomoedanton
aryo@aryomoedanton.com
Ver 1.0
Copyrighted @aryomoedanton 2015