2.  Pope John Paul II wrote this book in the late
1950’s in Eastern bloc, Soviet-dominated
Poland. In his wisdom, he prophetically
anticipated the needs our own post-sexual
revolutionized Western world would face
decades later.

3.  A person must not be merely the means to an
end for another person.
 We should never treat the people in our lives as
mere instruments for achieving our own
purposes.
 People are capable of self-determination and
can choose a course of action for themselves .
 People can assert their “inner self” to the
outside world through their choices.

4.  Anyone who treats a person as the means to an
end does violence to the very essence of the
other.
 What makes it so difficult to live out this basic
principle for human relationships?

5.  The best human actions are those that are most
useful.
 Something is useful in so far as it maximizes
pleasure and comfort for me and minimizes
pain and discomfort.
 The underlying assumption is that happiness
consists in pleasure. Therefore, I should always
pursue whatever brings me comfort, advantage
and benefit and avoid whatever may cause me
suffering, disadvantage and loss.

6.  The utilitarian view affects the way we relate to
one another.
 If my main goal in life is to pursue my own
pleasure, then I weigh my choices in life in
light of how much they lead me to this goal.
 Utilitarianism is so pervasive in the world
today many people, including good Christians,
may approach a relationship in terms of how
useful a person is in helping them achieve their
goals or how much fun they have with this
person.

7.  Friendship of Utility: the affection is based on the
benefit or use the friends derive from the
relationship. Each person gets something out of
the friendship that is to his or her advantage, and
the mutual benefit of the relationship is what
unites the two people as friends. For example,
work relationships.
 Pleasant Friendship: the affection is based on the
pleasure one gets out of the relationship. They
have fun together. For example, teammates, live in
the same dorm at school, like the same music.

8.  Aristotle notes while useful and pleasant
friendships are basic forms of friendship, they
do not represent friendship in the fullest sense.
Useful and pleasant friendships are the most
fragile. They are the least likely to stand the
test of time because when the mutual benefits
or fun times no longer exist, there is nothing
left to unite the two people.

9.  The third form of friendship is friendship in the
fullest sense. It is called virtuous friendship
because the two friends are united not in self-
interest but in the pursuit of a common goal:
the good life, the moral life that is found in
virtue.
 The two friends are committed to pursuing
something outside themselves, beyond each of
their own self-interests. It is the highest good
that unites them in friendship.

10.  The two friends strive side-by-side toward the
good life and encouraging one another in the
virtues, true friends are primarily concerned
not with what they get out of the friendship but
with what is best for the friend and with
pursuing the virtuous life with that friend.

11.  John Paul II says the only way two human persons
can avoid using each other is to relate in pursuit of a
common good, as in the virtuous friendship.
 If the person sees what is good for me and
adopts it as a good for himself, a special bond
is established between me and this other
person: the bond of a common good and of a
common aim. This common aim unites people
internally.

12.  When we don’t live our relationships with this
common good in mind, we inevitably will treat
the other person as a means to an end, for some
pleasure or use.
 In marriage there is a temptation to be self-
centered, to want our spouse and children to
conform to our plans, schedules and
preferences.

13.  John Paul II reminds us that true friendship,
especially in marriage, must be centered on the
bond of a common aim.
 In Christian marriage, that common aim
involves the union of the spouses, the spouses
serving each other and helping each other
grow in holiness, and the procreation and
education of children.

14.  Our own individual preferences and agendas
should be subordinated to these higher goods.
 Husband and wife must be subordinated to
each other and to the good of their children,
working to prevent any selfish individualism
from creeping into their marriage.
 As a team, husband and wife work toward this
common aim and discern together how best to
use their time, energy and resources to achieve
those common goals of marriage.

15.  John Paul II tells us that being united in this
common good helps spouses ensure that one
person is not being used or neglected by the
other. “When two different people consciously
choose a common aim this puts them on a footing of
equality, and precludes the possibility that one of
them might be subordinated to the other.”